We know parents shape their children’s reading – but so can aunts, uncles and grandparents, by sharing beloved books

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-grace-baulch-1399683">Emily Grace Baulch</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a></em></p> <p><a href="https://creative.gov.au/news/media-releases/revealing-reading-a-survey-of-australian-reading-habits/">Over 80%</a> of Australians with children encourage them to read. Children whose parents enjoy reading are <a href="https://www.booktrust.org.uk/news-and-features/news/news-2023/new-research-from-booktrust-reveals-the-impact-of-parental-reading-enjoyment-on-childrens-reading-habits/">20% more likely</a> to enjoy it too.</p> <p>My research has found parents aren’t the only family members who play an important role in developing a passion for reading – extended family, from grandparents to siblings, uncles and great-aunts, also influence readers’ connections to books.</p> <p>I surveyed 160 Australian readers about their home bookshelves and reading habits. More than 80% of them acknowledged the significant influence of family in what and how they read. Reading to children is often <a href="https://www.booktrust.org.uk/globalassets/resources/research/booktrust-family-survey-research-briefing-2-reading-influencers.pdf">the invisible workload of mothers</a>: 95% of mothers read to children, compared to 67% of fathers.</p> <p>Yet intriguingly, those I surveyed – whose ages ranged from their early 20s to their 70s – collectively talked about books being passed down across eight generations.</p> <p>Family members were associated with their most valued books – and their identities as readers.</p> <h2>Treasured possessions</h2> <p>Books passed down through generations often become treasured possessions, embodying a shared family history. One person discussed an old hardcover copy of <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com.au/9780732284350/blinky-bill/">Blinky Bill</a> by Dorothy Wall. Originally given to her father and his siblings by their great-aunt in 1961, the book’s pages are now discoloured and falling out.</p> <p>“Although I always think of my mother as having been my reading role model,” she wrote, “actually my father had an equally big impact, just in another way.” Her father is a central organising figure on her home bookshelf: she has dedicated a whole shelf to the books he liked.</p> <p>The story she tells about his old copy of Blinky Bill, however, crosses generations. The book’s battered state is a testament to its longevity and well-loved status. Its inscription to her family members makes the copy unique and irreplaceable.</p> <p>Another person remembered a set of Dickens’ novels, complete with margin notes and century-old newspaper clippings, carefully stored with her most special books. These volumes, initially owned by her great-great-grandmother and later gifted by her great-aunt, represent a reading bond passed down through generations.</p> <p>Such books can never be replaced, no matter how many copies might be in circulation. These books are closely associated with memories and experiences – they are invaluable for who they represent.</p> <p>A third person has her father’s “old” Anne McCaffrey’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/40323-dragonriders-of-pern">Dragonriders of Pern</a> series: he read it to her as a teenager, then passed it down. The book “sparked” her interest in science-fiction, and she now intends to pass it on to her own teenager. Her book, too, is “battered”, with “chunks falling out when you read it”. The cover is falling off.</p> <p>The deteriorating state of a book is part of the book’s legacy. It shows how loved it has been. Reading passions can be deliberately cultivated through family, but their value is less connected to reading comprehension or literacy than a sense of connection through sharing.</p> <p>Inherited, much-loved books bind families together. They can anchor absent family members to the present. These books can come to symbolise love, connection and loss.</p> <p>The family members who’ve passed down their books might not be physically present in children’s lives – they may not be reading aloud to them at bedtime – but through their books, they can have a strong presence in their loved ones’ memories. That indelible trace can be sustained into adulthood.</p> <h2>Buying books for the next generation</h2> <p>Another way relatives contribute to a family reading legacy is by buying new copies of much-loved books for the next generation. Theresa Sheen, from The Quick Brown Fox, a specialist children’s bookstore in Brisbane, notes that customers often ask for copies of books they had when they were younger.</p> <p>They may have read them to their children and now want them for their grandchildren. For example, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/40767-the-baby-sitters-club">The Babysitters Club series</a> by Ann M. Martin was mentioned multiple times as a nostalgic favourite, now being sought after by grandparents.</p> <p>Readers’ habits of re-buying favourite books can affect the publishing industry. With older children’s classics still selling, publishers seek to update the text to reflect contemporary cultural mores. Enid Blyton is one author who endures through intergenerational love and nostalgia. However, her work is regularly <a href="https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/books-magazines/books/enid-blytons-famous-five-books-edited-to-remove-offensive-words/news-story/47a63bb79a5d870f19aed58b19469bb5">edited and bowdlerised</a> to update it.</p> <p>Books can be imbued with the voices and emotions of others. They are more than just physical objects – they are vessels of shared experiences that can be passed down, up and across generations. This enduring bond between family members does more than preserve individual stories. It actively shapes and sustains a vibrant reading culture.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/232372/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-grace-baulch-1399683"><em>Emily Grace Baulch</em></a><em>, Producer at Ludo Studio &amp; Freelance Editor, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/we-know-parents-shape-their-childrens-reading-but-so-can-aunts-uncles-and-grandparents-by-sharing-beloved-books-232372">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

Woman sentenced to life for murdering parents and living with their bodies

<p>A British woman, who murdered her parents and lived with their bodies for four years, was sentenced to life imprisonment on Friday and is not eligible for parole for 36 years. </p> <p>When Essex Police raided Virginia McCullough's house in Great Baddow last September, the 36-year-old confessed that her parents' bodies were in the house and that she had killed them. </p> <p>She admitted to poisoning her father, John McCullough, 70, with prescription medication that she put into his drink, and then a few days later, beat her 71-year-old mother Lois McCullough with a hammer and fatally stabbed her. </p> <p>“I did know that this would kind of come eventually,” she said while handcuffed in body cam footage released by police on Friday. </p> <p>“It’s proper that I serve my punishment.”</p> <p>After McCullough was arrested, she told an officer: “Cheer up, at least you’ve caught the bad guy,” adding that “I know I don’t seem 100 per cent evil.”</p> <p>Further body cam footage showed her at the police station telling officers where to find the tools she used to kill her mother. </p> <p>She had pleaded guilty to murdering her parents at a previous hearing in June 2019. </p> <p>In the words of the prosecution, McCullough kept her father in a “homemade mausoleum” in his bedroom and study, in a structure that was “composed with masonry blocks stacked together.”</p> <p>She wrapped her mother's body in a sleeping bag and put it in a wardrobe on the top floor of the property. </p> <p>In the four years after the murder, she ran up £149,697 ($AU289,792) on credit cards in her parents’ names and continued to spend their pensions.</p> <p>The court heard she cancelled family arrangements and told doctors and relatives that her parents were unwell or away on a trip. </p> <p>Statements from her three unnamed siblings were also read in court, and one said:  “our parents were completely blameless victims”. </p> <p>“Virginia always said Mum and Dad were fine and made up lie after lie about their daily activities," another said. </p> <p>Judge Jeremy Johnson said at the sentencing hearing on Friday that McCullough’s actions represented a “gross violation of the trust that should exist between parents and their children.”</p> <p>Judge Johnson said that she had  maintained an “elaborate, extensive and enduring web of deceit” over months and years and that he was sure there was  a “substantial degree of both pre-meditation and planning," that went into the murder. </p> <p>Essex Police said documents found in the home showed that McCullough was trying desperately” to keep her parents from discovering the poor state of her finances, and gave “false assurances” about her employment and future prospects.</p> <p>“She is an intelligent manipulator who chose to kill her parents callously, without a thought for them or those who continue to suffer as a result of their loss,” said Detective Superintendent Rob Kirby. </p> <p>"The details of this case shock and horrify even the most experienced of murder detectives, let alone any right-thinking member of the public.”</p> <p><em>Image: Essex Police/ 7NEWS</em></p> <p> </p>

Legal

Parents under fire for taking their sick toddler on a long-haul flight

<p>A couple has come under fire after documenting their experience online of boarding a long-haul flight with their toddler, despite the child being sick. </p> <p>Alina and her husband were excited to go on their long-awaited holiday to Thailand with their one-year-old son in tow, taking off on their first big family trip. </p> <p>However, shortly before they were set to take off, their child developed a raging fever, and they decided to go on the trip anyway. </p> <p>Taking the experience to social media, Alina said her son’s temperature soared to around 40 degrees, with their little boy’s condition escalating so rapidly that the parents were considering calling off their entire trip. </p> <p>“My husband and I even wanted to cancel the flight,” she confessed in the video, which has received around 1.4 million views.</p> <p>However, after realising they would be out of pocket by several thousands of dollars if they cancelled the trip at such short notice, they decided to take the risk and board the plane. </p> <p>“Our tickets would have been wasted, and the trip that cost us $3,000 would have been wasted,” the mum wrote. "One plus of this flight was that the flight was at night, and the child could sleep and recover.”</p> <p>In the clip, the parents were seen walking their son around the plane, cradling the sick toddler as he cried uncontrollably.</p> <p>Luckily, the parents “managed to bring down the temperature”, but they weren’t convinced their son would keep quiet for the rest of the trip. </p> <p>“We were so worried about how the baby would feel on an eight-hour flight,” she continued, walking the baby up and down the corridors of the airport, trying to calm him down. </p> <p>As they tried to settle the child, they realised that their hopes that he would sleep the whole way were misguided. </p> <p>“The flight turned out to be difficult,” Alina confessed. “The baby kept waking and crying.” </p> <p>In the middle of the night, their son’s fever returned, which forced the parents to “bring the temperature down again” and left them “very worried” about their son’s health. </p> <p>Their baby’s fever took a toll on the parents as well, who complained of feeling “squeezed like a lemon” while trying to keep his temperature down, as Alina recalled, “We took turns looking after the baby so each of us could sleep.”</p> <p>In a later video, the parents defended their choice to take their son on the flight despite his intense fever and blamed it on his teething, not sickness. </p> <p>“Our baby wasn’t sick, he was teething, and that’s why he had a fever,” she said. “If our child had been sick, we would have cancelled everything … I consider myself a wonderful mother.”</p> <p>Despite the mother's clarification of her son's fever, the parents were slammed for even considering taking a sick child on such a long flight. </p> <p>“It’s OK, don’t worry about making anyone else on that flight sick,” a sarcastic comment read. “This is so tremendously selfish, you are appalling for doing this to him and others.” </p> <p>“I was in the same situation,” another parent said. “I lost all bookings, but who cares, my daughter comes first always and forever, no matter the amount of money!”</p> <p>“Trips come and go; your baby’s health is priceless!” read another comment. “Forty degrees is a hospital admission! Not a flight to Thailand!”</p> <p>However, not everyone was as judgmental, with many parents extending their sympathies to the first-time parents, as one person wrote, “You know what’s best for your baby. Everyone will say things. But only you will know when you are in that situation.”</p> <p>“Everyone is a first-time parent,” another defended. “This was a lesson learned. A baby’s health is of utmost importance. No holiday is more important than that. I hope he is OK now.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: TikTok</em></p>

Travel Trouble

Your parents’ income doesn’t determine yours – unless you’re ultra rich or extremely poor

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/catherine-de-fontenay-5631">Catherine de Fontenay</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>Australia is among the strongest global performers in terms of income mobility between the generations, according to a new <a href="https://www.pc.gov.au/research/completed/fairly-equal-mobility">Productivity Commission report</a>.</p> <p>The country’s long-term economic growth has led to each generation earning more than the last, on average.</p> <p>Our report finds 67% of the so-called <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/xennials-born-between-millennials-and-gen-x-2017-11">“Xennial”</a> generation – those born in 1976–1982, on the cusp of the Millennial/Gen X divide – earn more than their parents did at a similar age.</p> <p>This is particularly true of those born into poorer families.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="NsmB3" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/NsmB3/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <p>When we look at where people rank in an income distribution, the picture is a little less rosy. While children with parents at the bottom or top of the income scale are more likely to remain there, almost 15% of people with parents in the lowest income decile, remain there while just 6% move to the top.</p> <p>And those living in poverty - who often include renters, people from migrant backgrounds who don’t speak English at home and single parents - face some of the biggest barriers to improving their economic lot.</p> <p><a href="https://www.pc.gov.au/research/completed/fairly-equal-mobility">Fairly Equal? Economic mobility in Australia</a>, released on Thursday, measures intergenerational income mobility by examining the relationship between a person’s income and the eventual income of their children.</p> <h2>Measuring inequality</h2> <p>Most countries anxiously monitor income distribution and economic mobility amid concerns inequality may be increasing.</p> <p>And countries with high inequality tend to have low mobility: the rungs of the social ladder are far apart making it difficult to move up to the next level.</p> <p>If mobility is low, the consequences are serious. Low mobility is discouraging, unproductive and unstable. If young people have little chance of achieving their aspirations, their wellbeing is affected.</p> <p><a href="https://ideas.repec.org/p/cor/louvco/2023026.html">Social unrest is more likely</a>. And the abilities of young people from less affluent backgrounds are under-used. The next tech entrepreneur Steve Jobs may never be discovered, and many other opportunities are lost.</p> <p>In Australia we are used to thinking of ourselves as having inequality and mobility somewhere between Scandinavia and the US; but that comparison is not as comforting as it used to be, if inequality and mobility are worsening in the US.</p> <p>Our report considers people’s income mobility over the course of their lives, and across generations. If income mobility is low, people will struggle to recover from initial disadvantage, and those born into privilege will be financially secure.</p> <p>First we look at whether people move in the income distribution; there is a surprising amount of movement. And we look for evidence people can access opportunities throughout life, after setbacks.</p> <h2>Recovering from setbacks</h2> <p>There is not much evidence of recovery after a person experiences a severe illness or a job loss, perhaps because the causal factors are still at work.</p> <p>More encouragingly, the income of women who experience separation <a href="https://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/4815110/HILDA-User-Manual-Release-22.0.pdf">does increase</a>, eventually restoring the buying power of their household. This is in part due to well-targeted government support.</p> <p>For intergenerational mobility, we extended the dataset developed by <a href="https://www.aeaweb.org/articles?id=10.1257/jel.20211413">an analytical dataset</a> to measure the influence parents’ income had on the income their offspring were likely to earn.</p> <p>We found Australia’s intergenerational mobility is actually higher than the <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/sjoe.12197">Scandinavian</a> countries, and second only to <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3662560">Switzerland</a> among comparable studies.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="5DFB9" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/5DFB9/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <p>In all countries studied there was some link between parents’ income mobility and that of children, because parents pass on tastes, ambitions and abilities.</p> <p>And there was greater correlation between the incomes of mothers and daughters, and fathers and sons than with parents of the opposite gender, perhaps because of role model effects.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="BJ4hD" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/BJ4hD/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <p>While Australia’s strong income mobility between generations is remarkable, it’s concerning there is less mobility among those at the very bottom and top of the income distribution scale.</p> <p>The fact children born into the poorest families were more likely to remain in the lowest deciles, while those born into the top earning families tended to remain in the top deciles, suggests privilege is often passed on.</p> <p>People who grew up in frequently poor households were <a href="https://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0009/3537441/HILDA-Statistical-report-2020.pdf">three time more likely</a> to be poor at age 26 to 32 than those who never experienced poverty.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="SxHBo" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/SxHBo/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <p>And consistent with <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/getmedia/37c2c8b7-328c-41e1-bace-87ed7a551777/australias-welfare-chapter-2-summary-18sept2019.pdf.aspx">other studies</a> we found children whose family received government payments were twice as likely to receive support as adults, compared with those whose families received no help.</p> <h2>Movement in the middle</h2> <p>Taken together, these results suggest some segmentation of opportunities. In the middle of the income distribution, there are opportunities to get ahead, and individuals’ careers are not restricted by their families’ circumstances.</p> <p>At the bottom, things are a lot more “sticky”, and finding opportunities to permanently escape poverty is more difficult. Some of this boils down where people live, peers, school quality and local job options.</p> <p>Researchers <a href="https://www.aeaweb.org/articles?id=10.1257/jel.20211413">Deutscher and Mazumder</a> (2023) have shown regional economic conditions have a big impact on mobility, and we show remoteness limits movement out of poverty.</p> <p>Overall, the mobility picture is extremely good news for most Australians.</p> <p>But this should not blind us how difficult it is to move out of poverty, especially for those in remote areas. Identifying where mobility fails to deliver allows us to focus our policy response.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234158/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/catherine-de-fontenay-5631">Catherine de Fontenay</a>, Honorary Fellow, Department of Economics, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/your-parents-income-doesnt-determine-yours-unless-youre-ultra-rich-or-extremely-poor-234158">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Money & Banking

Teen actress' parents share update after five-storey fall

<p>Mamie Laverock's parents have shared a promising update with fans, after she was left fighting for her life following a five-storey <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/teen-actress-on-life-support-after-devastating-mishap" target="_blank" rel="noopener">fall</a>. </p> <p>Her parents Nicole and Rob updated their GoFundMe page for the 19-year-old and said that she was “out of her big surgeries," and confirmed that doctors say she's “doing well.”</p> <p>"Mamie is out of her extensive surgeries and the doctors say she is doing well," they wrote.</p> <p>“It’s impossible for us to be happier,” her parents continued.</p> <p>“Thank you all for your support.”</p> <p>On May 11, Laverock experienced a “medical emergency” and was hospitalised in Winnipeg, Canada before being transferred to another hospital in Vancouver. </p> <p>At the time her parents said her recovery was “unclear", but she was “showing signs of improvement.” </p> <p>More than two weeks later, they shared a harrowing update on their daughter's condition informing fans that she was now on life support after she fell five stories from a balcony walkway while being escorted out of a secure unit in the hospital. </p> <p>Many of her <em>When Calls the Heart </em>co-stars took to social media to promote the crowd-funding page and express their heartbreak. </p> <p>“I love this family, my heart is broken. A devastating time for all who care for Mamie. Please help if you can. They need all the support they can get to make it through this,"  Laverock’s on-screen mother Molly Sullivan wrote on X. </p> <p>"I just donated. If you have the means to do so, I hope you will too. Link in bio,” wrote the show's leading actress Erin Krakow.  </p> <p>The fundraiser has now exceeded the $30,000 CAD target, raising almost $33,000 CAD. </p> <p><em>Image: GoFundMe</em></p> <p> </p>

Caring

Madeleine McCann's parents share emotional 21st birthday message

<p>Madeleine McCann's parents have shared a heartbreaking message as they marked their daughter's 21st birthday. </p> <p>Her parents, Kate and Gerry McCann posted the message on the official Find Maddie Campaign Facebook page, with a photo of Maddie in a pink dress and bucket hat - one of the last photos taken of her before she disappeared. </p> <p>"Happy 21st Birthday Madeleine. Still missing. Still missed. Still looking," they wrote. </p> <p>They added the word "hope" on the Facebook photo posted on the page where people regularly donate towards the search efforts to find the missing girl. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C62J1_lgEo3/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C62J1_lgEo3/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Official Find Madeleine Campaign (@officialfindmadeleine)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>It's been 17 years since Madeleine disappeared on May 3 2007, and earlier this month her parents shared another poignant message on the anniversary of her disappearance. </p> <p>"It's 17 years since Madeleine was taken from us," the message posted to social media read. </p> <p>"It's hard to even say that number without shaking our heads in disbelief."</p> <p>"Whilst we are fortunate in many ways and able to live a relatively normal and enjoyable life now, the 'living in limbo' is still very unsettling. And the absence still aches.</p> <p>"Your support continues to encourage us and bolsters our strength to keep going. We know the love and hope for Madeleine and the will to find her, even after so many years, remains, and we are truly thankful for that.</p> <p>"Thank you again for remembering Madeleine and all missing children."</p> <p><em>Image: Instagram</em></p> <p> </p>

Family & Pets

How to look after your mental health while packing up Mum or Dad’s home

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/erika-penney-1416241">Erika Penney</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alice-norton-1516505">Alice Norton</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/avalon-tissue-1515840">Avalon Tissue</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p>So Mum or Dad has died, or moved to aged care, and now you’ve got to pack up their house. It’s a huge job and you’re dreading it.</p> <p>It’s normal to feel grief, loss, guilt, exhaustion or even resentment at being left with this job.</p> <p>So how can you look after your mental health while tackling the task?</p> <h2>It’s OK to feel a lot of feelings</h2> <p>Research has documented how this task can exert an intense <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15267431.2021.1943399">physical and emotional toll</a>.</p> <p>This can be more intense for those who had strained – or even <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub/10.1177/0030222819868107">traumatic</a> – relationships with the person whose house they’re packing up.</p> <p>Decisions around distributing or discarding items can, in some families, bring up painful reminders of the past or end up <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1074840711428451">replaying strained dynamics</a>.</p> <p>Family members who were carers for the deceased may feel exhaustion, overwhelm, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/hec.1512?sid=vendor%3Adatabase">burnout</a> or a sense of injustice they must now continue to be responsible for their loved one’s affairs. Grief can be compounded by the practical challenges of deciding how to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0148-2963(94)00054-I">store or discard belongings</a>, <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/30000385">arrange the funeral</a>, execute the will, deal with the aged care place or, in some cases, navigate legal disputes.</p> <p>But packing up the house may also be cathartic or helpful. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15267431.2021.1943399">Research</a> has shown how the task of cleaning out a loved one’s belongings can provide an opportunity for family and friends to talk, share memories, and make sense of what has just happened.</p> <p>It’s also normal to grieve before someone dies. What psychologists call “<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29206700/">anticipatory</a> grief” can happen to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1615888/">relatives packing up the house</a> of a parent who has moved to aged care or palliative care.</p> <h2>What to do with all this stuff?</h2> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0148-2963(94)00054-I">Some</a> treat their loved one’s items with sanctity, holding onto as many of their belongings as possible and creating “shrines” in their honour.</p> <p>Others alleviate the weight of grief by clearing out a loved one’s house as soon as possible, giving away, selling or discarding as much as they can.</p> <p>But if you experience a mix of these – enthusiastically getting rid of some stuff, while desperately wanting to hold onto other things – that’s OK too.</p> <p>One <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10253866.2017.1367677">study</a> identified a process punctuated by four key periods:</p> <ol> <li> <p>numbness and overwhelm at the task of packing the house</p> </li> <li> <p>yearning to maintain a link to the loved through their belongings</p> </li> <li> <p>working through grief, anger and guilt regarding the loved one and the task of managing their belongings, and</p> </li> <li> <p>healing and making sense of the relationship with the deceased and their belongings.</p> </li> </ol> <p>However, it is important to note everyone’s approach is different and there is no “right” way to do the clean out, or “right” way to feel.</p> <h2>Caring for your mental health during the clean out</h2> <p>To care for your mental health during these difficult times, you might try to:</p> <ul> <li> <p>make space for your feelings, whether it’s sadness, loss, resentment, anger, relief or all the above. There is no right or wrong way to feel. <a href="https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.2011.30.2.163">Accepting</a> your emotions is healthier than suppressing them</p> </li> <li> <p>share the load. <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1046/j.1365-2648.1999.01220.x">Research</a> has shown practical support from close friends and family can help a lot with grief. Accept help with packing, planning, dealing with removalists, selling or donating items and cleaning. Don’t be afraid to reduce your mental load by delegating tasks to friends, who are likely wondering how they can help</p> </li> <li> <p>take a systematic approach. Break tasks into their smallest component. For example, aim to clean out a drawer instead of an entire bedroom. This can help the mental and physical task feel more manageable</p> </li> <li> <p>reflect on what’s meaningful to you. Some belongings will have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0148-2963(94)00054-I">meaning</a>, while others will not. What was valuable to the deceased may not be valuable to you. Things they probably saw as pretty worthless (a handwritten shopping list, an old sewing kit) may be very meaningful to you. Ask yourself whether retaining a small number of meaningful possessions would allow you to maintain a connection with your loved one, or if clearing out the space and discarding the items is what you need</p> </li> <li> <p>share your story. When you feel ready, share your “<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15267431.2021.1943399">cleaning out the closet</a>” story with trusted friends and family. Storytelling allows the deceased to live on in memory. <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1046/j.1365-2648.1999.01220.x">Research</a> also suggests we cope better with bereavement when friends and relatives make time to hear our feelings</p> </li> <li> <p>remember that professional help is available. Just as a solicitor can help with legal disputes, a mental health professional can help you process your feelings.</p> </li> </ul> <p>The home of your loved one is not merely a place where they lived, but a space filled with meaning and stories.</p> <p>Packing up the house of a loved one can be incredibly daunting and challenging, but it can also be an important part of your grieving process.</p> <p><em>If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.</em><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223956/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/erika-penney-1416241">E<em>rika Penney</em></a><em>, Lecturer in Clinical Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/alice-norton-1516505">Alice Norton</a>, Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/avalon-tissue-1515840">Avalon Tissue</a>, Associate Lecturer in Clinical Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-look-after-your-mental-health-while-packing-up-mum-or-dads-home-223956">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

Hall of Fame fighter hospitalised after saving elderly parents from fire

<p>In the heart of Ohio, a story of heroism and sacrifice has emerged from the flames of a devastating house fire.</p> <p>Mark Coleman, a revered figure in the world of mixed martial arts (MMA) and the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship), found himself in the midst of a harrowing ordeal, where his actions transcended the octagon to demonstrate unparalleled bravery and love for family.</p> <p>On a fateful Tuesday morning, as the dawn painted the sky over Fremont, Ohio, tragedy struck the Coleman household. Details of the fire initially emerged through local news outlets, shrouded in anonymity. However, it wasn't long before the truth surfaced – it was Mark Coleman, the UFC legend, who had selflessly rushed into the inferno to rescue his elderly parents from imminent danger.</p> <p>Reports indicated that Coleman, aged 59, wasted no time in the face of adversity. With unwavering determination, he courageously carried both of his parents, Dan and Connie Foos Coleman, to safety, braving the engulfing flames that threatened to consume their home. Yet, his valour knew no bounds as he plunged back into the fiery abyss, driven by an instinctive urge to save another beloved member of the family – their loyal dog, Hammer.</p> <p>Tragically, despite his desperate efforts, the canine companion did not survive the blaze. Coleman's daughter, Kenzie, revealed on social media that Hammer's persistent barking had roused her father from slumber, ultimately saving his life. This heartbreaking loss added another layer of sorrow to an already traumatic event.</p> <p>As news of Coleman's heroic act spread, an outpouring of support and prayers flooded social media platforms. His second daughter Morgan, in an emotional Instagram post, recounted her father's selfless deeds and pleaded for continued prayers during this trying time. To the Coleman family, Mark wasn't just a UFC pioneer; he was a beacon of strength and resilience, a cherished father and a beloved friend.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C4bQHaopteq/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C4bQHaopteq/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Morgan Coleman (@mocoleman18)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Mark Coleman's legacy in the world of MMA is undeniable. Dubbed "The Godfather of Ground-and-Pound", he etched his name in the annals of UFC history as the organisation's inaugural heavyweight champion in 1997. His contributions to the sport earned him a well-deserved place in the UFC Hall of Fame in 2008, solidifying his status as a true icon.</p> <p>However, beyond the glitz and glory of the octagon, Coleman's journey has been marked by personal struggles and triumphs. In 2020, he battled a heart attack, a testament to his resilience in the face of adversity. A year later, he confronted his demons, seeking rehabilitation for alcoholism, and emerged stronger, embracing a healthier lifestyle.</p> <p>Author Jonathan Snowden, who shared a close bond with Coleman and was poised to document his remarkable life story, offered a glimpse into the aftermath of the fire. Through poignant images capturing the devastation, Snowden provided a raw and unfiltered portrayal of the ordeal. </p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">This is what's left of the house Mark Coleman and his family were in last night.</p> <p>Mark's dog Hammer woke him up to a house in flames. He saved both his parents and is fighting for his life. <a href="https://t.co/hicYhv7SDm">pic.twitter.com/hicYhv7SDm</a></p> <p>— Jonathan Snowden (@JESnowden) <a href="https://twitter.com/JESnowden/status/1767637195555299781?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 12, 2024</a></p></blockquote> <p><em>Images: Instagram / Twitter (X)</em></p>

Caring

How to navigate a parent’s cancer diagnosis – like Princes William and Harry will now have to do

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-harkin-1510450">Lydia Harkin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/nottingham-trent-university-1338">Nottingham Trent University</a></em></p> <p>King Charles’ <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68209998">cancer diagnosis</a> means the royal family has joined the approximately 3 million families in the UK affected by the disease. His family has already gathered around in support. William, Prince of Wales, has taken over some public duties for his father. And younger son Harry, who lives in California, flew to the UK to visit after the diagnosis was announced.</p> <p>If you, like William and Harry, are navigating a parent’s diagnosis, you are not alone. Around 400,000 people are <a href="https://www.macmillan.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/research/cancer-statistics-fact-sheet">diagnosed</a> each year. This can be a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/pon.4287">frightening</a> and difficult time for families, and can change family dynamics.</p> <p>Adult children may find themselves offering emotional and practical support for a parent in a way that has not been required before, through managing medications and symptoms, travel to medical appointments, help with meal preparation and financial support.</p> <p>It can be rewarding to support a loved one and an important way to actively work together, but it can also be stressful. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/pon.4056">Studies have found</a> that family caregivers are generally more anxious and more likely to hide their emotional distress when compared with their family member with cancer.</p> <h2>Being a supportive family, even in conflict</h2> <p>Family support can act as a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.2333">“social cure”</a> against the stress of a life-changing illness. The social cure theory proposes that being a part of a social group (or multiple groups) has benefits for our health and wellbeing. Social groups, particularly those with whom we strongly identify, like families, provide support and help us to combat times of stress.</p> <p>The key psychological component here is that people feel they belong to and identify with their groups. While undergoing cancer treatment, someone may not be able to participate in their usual social groups – through work or hobbies – as much as they used to. These groups may then become incompatible with a person’s new identity as a cancer survivor.</p> <p>Of course, not all families work together harmoniously, and may be in conflict through divorce, separation or estrangement. Social psychologists have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/bjso.12155">found that</a> “incompatible” social groups can lead to poorer mental health.</p> <p>Separated families can still come together and be a helpful social group, but they must offer the kind of support that their loved one needs. To figure this out, it is important to think about the person’s <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.2333">identity</a> within the family.</p> <p>For example, a father may view his identity as an advisor, but a cancer diagnosis requires him to be cared for and to seek advice. He may feel a sense of loss for his typical family role, a loss of meaning and of control.</p> <p>However, if his family communicates openly about the difficulties they are all facing, the father may be able to continue to advise his family, in addition to receiving their advice. This can help to maintain his sense of identity as an advisor within his family, while navigating a new status as a cancer survivor.</p> <h2>Communication and support networks</h2> <p>Cancer throws patients and their loved ones into a complex health system, often for the first time, where medical decisions and terminology become important every day. Understanding <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ejon.2014.03.012">the “language of cancer”</a> can help families feel more in control after a diagnosis.</p> <p>Equally important is communication within a family. Talking about the cancer, rather than treating it as a taboo topic, can improve <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ejon.2020.101841">mental health for both patients and their families</a>. It may also be an opportunity to empower patients and their loved ones to seek outside support, such as counselling.</p> <p>Families spread across geographical distances (like the royal family) can offer emotional support through regular phone calls or online tools. During the pandemic, <a href="https://doi.org/10.2196/42172">I developed</a> and trialled an app to help older adults combat loneliness. The app allowed them to see a digital map of their social groups, including family members.</p> <p>Your family member with cancer may feel like a burden. This is a common fear in older adulthood generally. But reminding them of how many people are in their lives – and how many people they support – can combat this feeling.</p> <p>Social media is one way to get more involved in these reciprocal support networks. In my work, families affected by cancer have reported using online communities to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11764-017-0616-1">better understand what their family is going through</a>. Private social media groups <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/2055207619898993">dedicated to illness</a> can be helpful spaces to meet other patients and families, share experiences and normalise cancer.</p> <p>Cancer communities exist on <a href="https://doi.org/10.4103%2Fijpvm.IJPVM_36_19">Instagram</a>, on <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s00345-018-2254-2">YouTube and X/Twitter</a> and through registered cancer charities like <a href="https://www.macmillan.org.uk/">Macmillan Cancer Support</a>. These online resources all provide a way to build a network following a cancer diagnosis.</p> <p>Just as group identification is important within families, having more groups to connect to can act as a buffer during stressful times and help you all cope with your new reality.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223214/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-harkin-1510450"><em>Lydia Harkin</em></a><em>, Principal Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/nottingham-trent-university-1338">Nottingham Trent University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-navigate-a-parents-cancer-diagnosis-like-princes-william-and-harry-will-now-have-to-do-223214">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

Parents busted for making their healthy child use a wheelchair to claim benefits

<p>A cruel mother and father have been jailed for over six years for forcing their healthy child to use a wheelchair in order to claim benefit payments. </p> <p>In 2012, Louise Law and her ex-husband Martin forced their then seven-year-old daughter into the wheelchair, as a ploy to gain a mobility car and disability allowance payments despite their being nothing wrong with her. </p> <p>The parents carried on with the scam for four years while they "fabricated illnesses and exaggerated symptoms" to teachers and NHS workers, all while raking in the extensive payments. </p> <p>The crown court in East Yorkshire, England, heard that the child suffered "gratuitous degradation" at being forced to use the wheelchair, as they were bullied at school and deprived of an ordinary childhood. </p> <p>In court, Louise Law admitted an offence of child cruelty, however she changed her plea on the day of a scheduled trial and was jailed for six years and nine months.</p> <p>Martin Law, now split from his wife, is now a long-term resident of a care home and was ruled unfit to enter a plea - although a jury convicted him of child cruelty, and was made subject of a guardianship order.</p> <p>Passing sentence, Judge Kate Rayfield told Mrs Law, "She missed out on so much of her childhood because of what you put her through."</p> <p>"Despite all of her tests revealing nothing wrong, you continued to subject her to appointments and investigations. You did the talking yourselves, telling the doctors lies."</p> <p>"This was a scam... You were telling her to report symptoms that she never said that she had."</p> <p>When the child reached the age of 18 in 2022, she was interviewed by police as she said the faux medical treatment from her parents began when she was six years old. </p> <p>A few initial medical appointments progressed to around 30 hospital appointments, including overnight stays.</p> <p>Prosecutor Louise Reevell told the court, "Her parents made her think that she could not walk properly. She would go to school in a wheelchair but she didn't really need it."</p> <p>Despite medical professionals proving that the child did not need the extensive medical treatment, her parents still claimed that the illnesses and symptoms of their daughter were genuine.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Legal

How do I handle it if my parent is refusing aged care? 4 things to consider

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lee-fay-low-98311">Lee-Fay Low</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p>It’s a shock when we realise our parents aren’t managing well at home.</p> <p>Perhaps the house and garden are looking more chaotic, and Mum or Dad are relying more on snacks than nutritious meals. Maybe their grooming or hygiene has declined markedly, they are socially isolated or not doing the things they used to enjoy. They may be losing weight, have had a fall, aren’t managing their medications correctly, and are at risk of getting scammed.</p> <p>You’re worried and you want them to be safe and healthy. You’ve tried to talk to them about aged care but been met with swift refusal and an indignant declaration “I don’t need help – everything is fine!” Now what?</p> <p>Here are four things to consider.</p> <h2>1. Start with more help at home</h2> <p>Getting help and support at home can help keep Mum or Dad well and comfortable without them needing to move.</p> <p>Consider drawing up a roster of family and friends visiting to help with shopping, cleaning and outings. You can also use home aged care services – or a combination of both.</p> <p>Government subsidised home care services provide from one to 13 hours of care a week. You can get more help if you are a veteran or are able to pay privately. You can take advantage of things like rehabilitation, fall risk-reduction programs, personal alarms, stove automatic switch-offs and other technology aimed at increasing safety.</p> <p>Call <a href="https://www.myagedcare.gov.au/">My Aged Care</a> to discuss your options.</p> <h2>2. Be prepared for multiple conversations</h2> <p>Getting Mum or Dad to accept paid help can be tricky. Many families often have multiple conversations around aged care before a decision is made.</p> <p>Ideally, the older person feels supported rather than attacked during these conversations.</p> <p>Some families have a meeting, so everyone is coming together to help. In other families, certain family members or friends might be better placed to have these conversations – perhaps the daughter with the health background, or the auntie or GP who Mum trusts more to provide good advice.</p> <p>Mum or Dad’s main emotional support person should try to maintain their relationship. It’s OK to get someone else (like the GP, the hospital or an adult child) to play “bad cop”, while a different person (such as the older person’s spouse, or a different adult child) plays “good cop”.</p> <h2>3. Understand the options when help at home isn’t enough</h2> <p>If you have maximised home support and it’s not enough, or if the hospital won’t discharge Mum or Dad without extensive supports, then you may be <a href="https://academic.oup.com/gerontologist/article/60/8/1504/5863160">considering a nursing home</a> (also known as residential aged care in Australia).</p> <p>Every person has a legal right to <a href="https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/9-your-right-choose-where-you-live">choose where we live</a> (unless they have lost capacity to make that decision).</p> <p>This means families can’t put Mum or Dad into residential aged care against their will. Every person also has the right to choose to take risks. People can choose to continue to live at home, even if it means they might not get help immediately if they fall, or eat poorly. We should respect Mum or Dad’s decisions, even if we disagree with them. Researchers call this “dignity of risk”.</p> <p>It’s important to understand Mum or Dad’s point of view. Listen to them. Try to figure out what they are feeling, and what they are worried might happen (which might not be rational).</p> <p>Try to understand what’s really important to their quality of life. Is it the dog, having privacy in their safe space, seeing grandchildren and friends, or something else?</p> <p>Older people are often understandably concerned about losing independence, losing control, and having strangers in their personal space.</p> <p>Sometimes families prioritise physical health over psychological wellbeing. But we need to consider both when considering nursing home admission.</p> <p><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9826495/">Research</a> suggests going into a nursing home temporarily increases loneliness, risk of depression and anxiety, and sense of losing control.</p> <p>Mum and Dad should be involved in the decision-making process about where they live, and when they might move.</p> <p>Some families start looking “just in case” as it often takes some time to <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/questions-to-ask-when-choosing-an-aged-care-home-for-a-loved-one/10302590">find the right nursing home</a> and there can be a wait.</p> <p>After you have your top two or three choices, take Mum or Dad to visit them. If this is not possible, take pictures of the rooms, the public areas in the nursing home, the menu and the activities schedule.</p> <p>We should give Mum or Dad information about their options and risks so they can make informed (and hopefully better) decisions.</p> <p>For instance, if they visit a nursing home and the manager says they can go on outings whenever they want, this might dispel a belief they are “locked up”.</p> <p>Having one or two weeks “respite” in a home may let them try it out before making the big decision about staying permanently. And if they find the place unacceptable, they can try another nursing home instead.</p> <h2>4. Understand the options if a parent has lost capacity to make decisions</h2> <p>If Mum or Dad have lost capacity to choose where they live, family may be able to make that decision in their best interests.</p> <p>If it’s not clear whether a person has capacity to make a particular decision, a medical practitioner can assess for that capacity.</p> <p>Mum or Dad may have appointed an <a href="https://www.tag.nsw.gov.au/wills/appoint-enduring-guardian/what-enduring-guardian">enduring guardian</a> to make decisions about their health and lifestyle decisions when they are not able to.</p> <p>An enduring guardian can make the decision that the person should live in residential aged care, if the person no longer has the capacity to make that decision themselves.</p> <p>If Mum or Dad didn’t appoint an enduring guardian, and have lost capacity, then a court or tribunal can <a href="https://www.tag.nsw.gov.au/guardianship/information-about-guardianship">appoint</a> that person a private guardian (usually a family member, close friend or unpaid carer).</p> <p>If no such person is available to act as private guardian, a public official may be appointed as public guardian.</p> <h2>Deal with your own feelings</h2> <p>Families often feel <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-023-04538-9">guilt and grief</a> during the decision-making and transition process.</p> <p>Families need to act in the best interest of Mum or Dad, but also balance other caring responsibilities, financial priorities and their own wellbeing.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221210/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lee-fay-low-98311"><em>Lee-Fay Low</em></a><em>, Professor in Ageing and Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-do-i-handle-it-if-my-parent-is-refusing-aged-care-4-things-to-consider-221210">original article</a>.</em></p>

Flight cancelled after parents demand free upgrade for their child

<p dir="ltr">A flight was delayed for hours before being ultimately cancelled after two parents demanded that their child was upgraded to first class for free. </p> <p dir="ltr">A plane in China was grounded for three hours after the parents caused a ruckus with the cabin crew, and were eventually kicked off the aircraft. </p> <p dir="ltr">According to a fellow passenger, the argument kicked off when an unsupervised child began to sob uncontrollably after boarding a flight from Chengdu to Beijing. </p> <p dir="ltr">As it turned out, the inconsolable toddler’s parents were seated in first class but had only bought their child an economy ticket.</p> <p dir="ltr">It was then that the angry dad confronted the staff, demanding that his son be moved to first class at no extra cost.</p> <p dir="ltr">According to the <em>South China Morning Post</em>, the irate dad explained that because he had already paid for two first class tickets, his child’s upgrade should be free. </p> <p dir="ltr">In the clip shot by a fellow passenger, the outraged dad began berating a group of passengers, crew members, and security guards as they repeatedly explained why his child isn’t entitled to an upgrade.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Stop swearing at me,” fumed the father. “You have no right to do that.”</p> <p dir="ltr">When a security guard attempts to de-escalate the situation, the parent lays into him, shouting: “What gives you the right to order me about?”</p> <p dir="ltr">This prompts a woman to retort: “You’ve wasted too much of our time and we won’t tolerate it any longer.”</p> <p dir="ltr">After three hours of back and forth, the couple were eventually kicked off the plane, while the flight was cancelled. </p> <p dir="ltr">The entitled passenger has since been rinsed on social media with one commenter fuming, “This man is so selfish.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Others suggested solutions for the father that didn’t involve the airline giving the man an extra first-class seat.</p> <p dir="ltr">“He can switch seats,” advised one person. “Let him sit in economy class, and have the mum take care of the child in the first-class cabin.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Some on social media were quick to chastise the airline for their handling of the situation, with one person writing, “Keeping the quarrel going for hours? The problem-solving skills of the crew are poor.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Twitter</em></p>

Travel Trouble

Parents slapped with hefty fee over badly behaved children

<p dir="ltr">Two parents have been slapped with a hefty fine tacked onto their restaurant bill after their children caused a ruckus during dinner. </p> <p dir="ltr">Kyle and Lyndsey Landmann were dining at a restaurant in Georgia, USA, when they were given a $50 fine for their allegedly badly behaved kids. </p> <p dir="ltr">Two weeks after the incident, Kyle took to Google to leave a negative review for the eatery to say he was “disappointed by the experience”. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The owner came out and told me he was adding $50 to my bill because of my children’s behaviour,” he wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My kids watched a tablet until the food arrived, ate their food and my wife took them outside while I waited and paid the bill.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Lyndsey went on to tell <em>Today</em> that her kids were well behaved, although they were joined by other families, with 11 children in total at the table. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The kids were sitting at one end of the table and they were being so good,” Landmann said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“'I even commented halfway through the meal, ‘I can’t believe how well-behaved they are’.”</p> <p dir="ltr">After dinner, restaurant owner Tim Richter approached the table and told the party about the additional charge on the menu, which reads, “Adult surcharge: For adults unable to parent.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“Be Respectful to staff, property, and self. No Respect, No Service.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Landmann said she was expecting a compliment for the well behaved kids, but Richter said there would be $50 added to each bill at their table. </p> <p dir="ltr">When Landmann then asked for an explanation, she claimed Richter told her they were being “too loud”.</p> <p dir="ltr">He was angry that the kids were “running around outside” by the water after dinner, even though they were chaperoned by adults, she clarified.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I was like, ‘They were quiet the whole time’. He got in our faces and told us that we belonged at Burger King and not at his restaurant. We asked to speak to the owner and he said he was the owner,” Landmann explained.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I looked around the restaurant and everybody was frozen watching this show he was putting on. He was yelling.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The 61-year-old restaurant owner said that he implemented the rule during the pandemic, but never actually charged the couple, saying, “We want parents to be parents.”</p> <p dir="ltr">However, several other Google reviews blasted the quality of the service and the owner's attitude, including one that warns diners with children to steer clear.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

Money & Banking

Location, Location, Location host loses both parents in tragic accident

<p>In heart-wrenching news has shaken the world of television, beloved <em>Location, Location, Location </em>host Phil Spencer has spoken out about the devastating loss of his parents in a tragic accident on their family farm.</p> <p>Spencer paid a somber tribute to his father Richard, known affectionately as David, aged 89, and his mother Anne, 82, who were both tragically lost.</p> <p>In a poignant display of love, Phil, now 53, shared an image of the couple and wrote: "Very sadly both of my amazing parents died on Friday.</p> <p>"As a family we are all trying to hold onto the fact Mum and Dad went together and that neither will ever have to mourn the loss of the other one. Which is a blessing in itself."</p> <p>Spencer went on to disclose the harrowing details surrounding the accident, giving a glimpse into the tragic events that unfolded on that fateful day: "The car, going very slowly, toppled over a bridge on the farm drive, upside down into the river. There were no physical injuries and I very much doubt they would have even fought it - they would have held hands under the water and quietly slipped away.</p> <p>Spencer acknowledged the heroic efforts of his brother, who valiantly attempted to save their parents in the aftermath of the crash.</p> <p>"As many farmers do - my brother had a penknife and so was able to cut the seat belts - he pulled them out of the river but they never regained consciousness.</p> <p>"Although desperately sad and shocked beyond all belief - all family are clear that if there can ever be such a thing as having a 'good end' - this was it."</p> <p><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">Spencer also recalled a poignant conversation he had with his mother, a conversation now weighed down by the melancholy of hindsight: "Although they were both on extremely good form in the days before (hence the sudden idea to go out to lunch), Mums Parkinson's and Dads Dementia had been worsening and the long term future was set to be a challenge.</span></p> <p>"So much so that Mum said to me only a week ago that she had resigned to thinking 'now it looks like we will probably go together'. And so they did."</p> <p>As he concluded his heartfelt statement, Spencer mused on the overwhelming nature of their passing, acknowledging the future comfort that might come from the knowledge that they departed from a place they held dear.</p> <p>"It feels horrendous right now, but after almost 60 years of marriage - to die together on the farm they so loved will, I know, be a comfort in the future.</p> <p>"Mum Dad are together which is precisely where they would have wanted to be. ❤️"</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CwKpOWJr4Wj/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CwKpOWJr4Wj/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Phil Spencer (@philspencertv)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Kirstie Allsopp, Phil's co-host on <em>Location, Location, Location</em>, a dear friend, was among the first to respond, her words echoing the collective grief felt by many: "Such a brave and loving statement and so typical of you &amp; your lovely family. So many people have you all in their thoughts and prayers. xxx"</p> <p>Tragically, David and Anne were en route to a local pub for lunch when their car veered off the access road, plunging into a shallow river on their estate.</p> <p>Emergency services, fire brigade and police attended the scene, and an air ambulance landing nearby at the Littlebourne farm in Kent.</p> <p>Despite efforts to save them, Richard succumbed at the hospital, with Anne following suit shortly thereafter.</p> <p>Kirstie reflected: “I’ve spoken to Phil and it’s tragic for the Spencer family, but his parents were together and that’s something that is a great source of solace to them all.</p> <p>“The family is very loving and close. There are four children, Phil, Robert, Caryn and Helen, and they had eight grandchildren.</p> <p>“This is awful for all of the family, but they were together at the end and they were lovely people."</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

"What were their parents thinking?!" Teacher releases list of hilarious student names

<p>In a world where coming up with a standard name seems about as trendy as using a landline phone, parents are unleashing their inner creativity by bestowing upon their offspring names that sound like they were created during a fever dream.</p> <p>We are clearly smack bang in the middle of the era of "Name your child after a random object you find in the pantry" – and teachers are the unsung heroes bravely navigating the choppy waters of these monikers. Specifically, how to spell (and pronounce) them properly.</p> <p>Now, let's not pretend this phenomenon is fresh off the naming press. Celebrities have been gifting their kids with names that could pass as WiFi passwords for donks. It was just a matter of time before the masses caught onto the fad like a catchy tune you can't unhear. But spare a thought for those noble educators who are more baffled than a cat watching a magic trick when confronted with these labels during roll call.</p> <p>Enter one valiant and anonymous teacher, armed with a class register that reads like a cryptic crossword puzzle. She unveiled her list of quirky names on the modern-day town square, aka Facebook, explaining that she merely gave the enrolment list a "blink and you'll miss it" glance. Because let's face it, no one has time to decode this kindergarten code on a Tuesday morning.</p> <p>So, brace yourself, because the highlights of this peculiar parade include names like Jaxen (apparently the 'x' gives it that extra pizzazz) and Aliyah, which sounds like a harmonious collision of Aladdin and Elijah. But the true gems are still to come.</p> <p>Hold onto your hats, for there's a Syakyra in the house! It's pronounced like "Shakira", because why make life easy when you can transform spelling into an extreme sport? Also on the roster of eccentricities are Rhydah, Presillar, Christisarah (which sounds like someone sneezed while naming their child), Anjewel'Lea (because apostrophes are the new vowels), and Biar Biar – quite possibly the sound of someone giving up mid-naming.</p> <p>The list goes on, unveiling Deklyn, Alarna (Is this a name or an exotic spice?), Aaryah (a name that looks like a typo in progress), Maz (likely short for Mazel Tov), Angel-Lee (a tribute to both celestial beings and two first names), and Karleb (a rebel in the world of traditional spelling).</p> <p>Social media users eagerly devoured this buffet of bewildering baby names, chiming in with their own comedic relief. One humorist quipped that some parents should enrol themselves in school, presumably for a crash course in 'Name Your Kid Without Making Them the Butt of Jokes.'</p> <p>Another jester added, "This really is tragic, at least none of them will get bullied because they're all so bad lol." A self-proclaimed comedian jibed, "These parents really aren't thinking it through."</p> <p>Yet amid the chuckles and facepalms, some thought the names were about as wild as a cup of herbal tea. One wise soul pointed out that among the chaos were rather mundane names like Diamond, Aliyah, Jaylene, Porsha, and Aalijah. Apparently, normality is now measured against the Syakyras of the world.</p> <p>Meanwhile, teachers everywhere collectively sighed in sympathy as they remembered their own quirky classroom encounters. One recounted an encounter with a "J'ley" (pronounced like Jaylee), a name that's the linguistic equivalent of a Rubik's Cube.</p> <p>A pupil named Pistol also made an appearance – because what kid doesn't want a name that guarantees zero playground conflicts? And lest we forget, a friend's teacher had the honour of teaching A'Blessyn. It's like the alphabet gipped, and the resulting letters spelled "Bless this child with an unforgettable name."</p> <p>However, the chaos isn't limited to the classroom. It's infiltrated even the most intimate corners of existence. Enter Reddit, where an expectant British dad took to the digital confessional to seek advice on his partner's fantastical name choices for their impending bundle of joy.</p> <p>The British bloke confessed that he'd prefer his offspring not be mistaken for an experimental rocket launch or a motor oil brand. He's opting for classic dignity, imagining a world where his kid doesn't have to explain why their name sounds like a weather forecast for Mercury. Meanwhile, the partner, a visionary in the field of avant-garde nomenclature, has pitched names like Fennix (for the spelling-challenged phoenix), Park (because nature reserves are inspiring, apparently), and Diesel (coming soon to a gas station near you).</p> <p>And so, as teachers practice their tongue-twister warm-ups and parents wage a war of wits over naming rights, we bid adieu to a world where names like John and Sarah were once considered bold.</p> <p>The age of the bewildering baby name is upon us, and the only certainty is that there's a whole generation of kids out there ready to conquer the world with names that defy both pronunciation and reason.</p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Family & Pets

Advice on dealing with tricky in-laws

<p>From heated discussions to awkward family dinners, your relationship with your in-laws can have a big impact on family time. Here’s how to navigate this sometimes tricky dynamic.</p> <p>There’s nothing worse than heading to a family engagement when you have a son-in-law (or your daughter’s parents-in-law) that you just don’t get along with. Whether there's been a fight that you haven’t been able to move on from, or you simply don’t get along, if you find your in-laws draining or annoying, you may need to change the boundaries.</p> <p>Do you know the old saying, “good fences make good neighbours”? Think of your in-laws like your neighbours – there needs to be really good fences (aka boundaries) in place for the relationship to run smoothly. The best way to go about this is in such a way that you don’t make anyone feel as though you're closing them out, but rather comes off that you are simply focussing on yourself and things you have going on.</p> <p>Once you’ve set boundaries, don’t be afraid to talk to your family and in-laws about them, they’re not as fragile as you think. But do choose your words carefully and keep the focus on you and what your needs are, rather than making any judgements or comments about them or their behaviour.</p> <p>Still not sure how to deal with your son, daughter, sister or brother in-law? Here are some top tips for setting boundaries and dealing with awkward situations:</p> <ol> <li>The person with the primary relationship (for example your daughter, not your son-in-law) should be the one to step in and help fix a problem if it arises. You should never be the messenger or go straight to an in-law. Gently raise the issue or concern with your immediate family member. </li> <li>Decide with your partner, or in your own time if you are single or widowed, what type of role you want your in-law/s to play in your life. If you don’t get along and spending time with them just seems to cause issues, then you might want to limit catch-ups to birthdays and big events. This is ok. Just be gentle if asked to explain. And keep your explanation brief and about you. Something along the lines of, my schedule is quite busy at the moment or I don’t feel up to going out too much, but I am looking forward to the next family get together. </li> <li>Never criticise your family for their relationship with his or her spouse/your in-laws, nor comment on your in-law to your immediate family member – for example don’t criticise your son-in-law to your daughter/his wife. This tends to only lead to complications and awkwardness. And remember, you only know what your daughter tells you and if they come to you everytime they’re upset or angry with their partner or their partner’s extended family, you’re only hearing the problems when your daughter is frustrated and upset. You might not hear all the good things and about when they make up. Don’t take these things on board and stay out of it by reserving any judgement or comments. </li> <li>Don’t get involved. Easier said than done, right? You have to trust that you have brought your children up right and they are responsible enough to navigate their own relationships, treat others respectfully and can stand up for themselves if need be. As such, you should not get involved in their issues, arguments and general day-to-day dealings with their other relationships. Stay on the peripheral, be there for some light guidance if need be, but ultimately you should just help them come to their own opinions, decisions and judgements on things rather than sharing your ones with them. </li> <li>Don’t get pulled into arguments by your child and in-law. You can be supportive and still let the couple handle their own problems. Take a step back and trust that you have raised an adult who has the vision and the courage to resolve the problems that concern his/her own family. Couples need to set boundaries for their own relationships and this can, as I am sure you know, take some time to find the right ones. </li> <li>Think of yourself as a guest. When spending time with family in big groups, and especially when you’re at someone else’s home, it is best to think of yourself as a guest and act accordingly. For example you may not like the way you son’s wife is doing things in her home (child rearing, cooking, cleaning etc), but unfortunately it is not really any of your business. This is between your son and his wife. A good checkpoint is to ask yourself if you have a sense of entitlement and expectancy that is inappropriate. If there are issues that you just can’t stand but can’t let go, then you may need to consider not visiting them.</li> </ol> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

Parents sue son for not giving them grandkids

<p dir="ltr">In arguably one of the most bizarre lawsuits, a couple sued their son and daughter-in-law for not giving them a grandchild after six years of marriage.</p> <p dir="ltr">Parents of the husband, Sanjeev and Sadhana Prasad had asked their son and daughter-in-law to give them a grandchild within a year. After they failed to do so, they asked their son and daughter-in-law to pay them as compensation.</p> <p dir="ltr">The amount includes any money spent on their son’s education, wedding, honeymoon and luxury car.</p> <p dir="ltr">The case was filed under mental harassment that the couple is allegedly experiencing as a result of their son and daughter-in-law refusing to have a child.</p> <p dir="ltr">The father of the son said, “I have only one son. I spent all my savings on his upbringing and education. I sent him to the US in 2006 for a pilot training course.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I spent over Rs 50 lakh for the same. He returned to India in 2007 due to the economic recession abroad. He had lost his job and could not find another for over two years. I supported him financially during this period as well.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Almost six years have passed and there is no child. We are facing immense mental harassment.”</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-f61d5daf-7fff-64c0-477d-997dae931573"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credit: Twitter</em></p>

Legal

Bride and groom follow hilarious family tradition by swapping wedding outfits

<p>A newly married bride has decided to follow in her parents' hilarious footsteps by swapping her wedding day outfit with her new husband. </p> <p>Rosie Joyce, a fashion and lifestyle influencer, documented her special day online, with her picturesque wedding drawing in thousands of views. </p> <p>However, the picture perfect wedding took a jovial turn when Rosie and her husband Justin emerged in each others' wedding attire.</p> <p>Rosie drew inspiration from her parents, who started the tradition on their wedding recovery day, with Rosie's dad coming out in her mother's white wedding dress, while her mum donned Rosie's father's tux. </p> <div class="embed" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 610px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7234723167137205522&amp;display_name=tiktok&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40rosiewheeler92%2Fvideo%2F7234723167137205522%3Fembed_source%3D71223855%252C121331973%252C120811592%252C120810756%253Bnull%253Bembed_masking%26refer%3Dembed%26referer_url%3Ddk79lclgtez2i.cloudfront.net%252FGVtpj6u%253Fapp%253D1%26referer_video_id%3D7234723167137205522&amp;image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign-sg.tiktokcdn.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-alisg-p-0037%2FoAoQgDkDRYdIkAzbNowZzuM8FpKnEB8VQTfBsf%3Fx-expires%3D1684998000%26x-signature%3DwPzyFwqR8d1f6xQ5i%252F8OdYfm2f4%253D&amp;key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&amp;type=text%2Fhtml&amp;schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> <p>“I grew up obsessed with these photos! How did we do?” Rosie wrote in her video. “We wanted to recreate the photos and surprise everyone on our recovery day.”</p> <p>In their recreation, Justin wore Rosie's white strapless gown and Rosie dressed in Justin's wedding day suit as they snapped some adorable photos. </p> <p>The big reveal went viral online, with Rosie documenting their story in a TikTok which has over 10 million views. </p> <p>One viewer said they were "Obsessed!" with the photos, while another praised Rosie's new look, saying “You absolutely ate it up in that suit, my god.”</p> <p>And while many commenters pointed out that as darling as Rosie and her hubby looked, the real stars of this TikTok show were her parents.</p> <p>“Your parents hair?? The drinks?? The cig?? Perfection” wrote one.</p> <p>“Your Dad looks like Neil Diamond in his early years,” pointed out another, while another viewer thought "it was a deleted scene from <em>Parent Trap</em>,” noting her father's resemblance to Dennis Quaid. </p> <p>Other viewers were quick to comment on how reflective and sweet the recreation photos were, with one person writing, "This is such a cool tradition to carry on!! Absolutely love this."</p> <p>Another viewer summed up Rosie and Justin's adorable relationship, writing, "The fact that your new hubby loved the idea shows you found the one."</p> <p><em>Image credits: TikTok</em></p>

Relationships

Expert reveals why working parents are really parting ways

<p dir="ltr">Dennis R Vetrano Jr, a divorce lawyer who regularly provides insight into the secrets of his industry on social media, has revealed the major theme he has identified when it comes to working parents ending their relationships. </p> <p dir="ltr">In one of his TikTok videos, which has been viewed over 4.7 million times since its release, the US-based lawyer opens by asking, “do you want to know the major theme that I’m seeing in the divorce industry, as a divorce lawyer, as I do consults these days?"</p> <p dir="ltr">The answer, it turns out, is quite simple: “women are tired”. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I am seeing working mums do it all, and I am seeing the husbands step back and say ‘huh, I don’t gotta do a thing!’,” Dennis explained. </p> <p dir="ltr">“She’s got the kids, she’s got the groceries, she’s got the laundry, she’s got the meals, she’s got the work. And by the way, she’s making all the money and she’s paying for the house, and doing everything else. </p> <p dir="ltr">“‘I’m going to go to the firehouse, I’m going to go play this, I’m going to go hang out with my friends.’ That’s the theme. </p> <p dir="ltr">“And women are tired.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Dennis’ video drew in over 10,000 comments, many from women who couldn’t agree more with what he’d said, sharing their own stories and experiences with each other. </p> <p dir="ltr">“And the younger generation of women are choosing not to marry, they have grown up watching their mums struggle and refuse to let that happen to them,” one wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">“This is why I got divorced,” another shared, to over 15.3 likes. “He then accused me of cheating! When would I have time? I don’t even sit on the couch”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“WAY less stressed since divorce. And I get nights to myself!!!” one woman said. </p> <p dir="ltr">“We aren’t just tired. We are sick and tired,” one corrected.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We get sick of the mental load,” another viewer agreed. “Having to give instructions on everything. It's exhausting.” </p> <p dir="ltr">“I'm a stay at home mom to 5 and my husband legit told me today ‘I don't go to his job and help him’. It changed something in me tonight,” one revealed. </p> <p dir="ltr">Another had something else to add to the discussion, noting that while she agreed “100%”, Dennis had forgotten “to say that the husband’s ‘super power’ was his ability to critique meals, housework, fashion, body image etc!”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: TikTok</em></p>

Relationships

"Shame on you": Parents' major backflip on their son's name causes outrage

<p>A father has come under fire after revealing he changed the name of his adopted son back to his biological name after almost a decade, so his biological son could have the legacy name instead. </p> <p>The man, named August, took to Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole?" thread to ask for the opinions of strangers on the internet if he had made the right decision about his child's life. </p> <p>According to the dad-of-two, the name August has "gone back for five generations" in his family, and he had always planned on giving their child the name to continue the legacy. </p> <p>When he and his wife had been trying to conceive for many years, they decided to turn to adoption so they could have a family. </p> <p>They adopted a baby boy from Vietnam, whose birth name was Thien, and decided to have it legally changed to August VI.</p> <p>However, seven years later, the couple found out they were expecting a "miracle" baby together, and decided to switch their adopted son's moniker back to Thien so that they could give the name to their biological baby instead.</p> <p>The man's post, which has since been deleted, read, "My name is August V. My name goes back five generations now and it was always my plan to make my son August VI."</p> <p>"My wife and I were horrified to find out I was essentially firing blanks and was told I would essentially never be able to father kids - heartbreaking."</p> <p>"We started the adoption process right away looking in mostly foreign countries so it would go faster, and we were able to adopt a baby boy from Vietnam."</p> <p>"His first name was Thien but my wife agreed to change his name to August VI. We also agreed we would let nature take its course because miracles can happen."</p> <p>"Seven years later, a miracle did happen and my wife turned up unexpectedly pregnant."</p> <p>"I decided with my wife's agreement that because we now have a bio son, it is better to give the firstborn biological son the family name."</p> <p>The father went on to explain that changing Thein's name was not a huge deal, because even though his legal name is August, everyone referred to him as Thein. </p> <p>When the dad informed Thein's school about the change, word got out about their decision, leading to the gossip mill in their town dubbing them "social pariahs".</p> <p>"We are the subject of massive gossip - accusations of not loving Thein enough."</p> <p>"We've heard it all through closed mouth hushed tones. It's gotten so bad. So, am I the a**hole?"</p> <p>Redditors were quick to condemn the parents' decision, with many not holding back in order to make sure the father knew that he was, in fact, the a**hole. </p> <p>One person wrote, "You are the a**hole. People like you really shouldn't adopt."</p> <p>Another said, "You're the a**hole. You dragged your kid to a legal proceeding to make sure he knows his place will always be less than your bio son."</p> <p>"Great way to show your adopted child that biology trumps all. Shame on you and your wife," another user raged.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Family & Pets