Preparing for love in your 50s
Preparing for love and a partnership commitment for the second time and in our fifties is based on different priorities and emotions than before. When we arrive at this juncture in our biography, happiness in a relationship now becomes a major focus. “What does relationship and happiness look like?” and “what qualities are required in another and in myself to help me achieve my relationship goals?” These become important questions to ponder as we prepare for love.
Too often we begin to date again only to discover that what started out as a wonderful new beginning ends too quickly and possibly in tears and sadness. If we continue to eagerly pursue love and commitment based on our past conditioning and assumptions about intimate relationships then there are higher odds of us creating the same relationship patterns and mistakes similar to our past experiences. Statistics reveal that second marriages have a greater risk of failure and ending in divorce.
Rushing into marriage is not advisable as "rebound relationships" that end in marriage are less likely to succeed. Often men marry too quickly after a divorce because they don't like being alone and want a new partner to provide them with emotional security.
Women remarry too quickly because they desire to feel safe and this usually translates in to wanting to find financial security in a companion. These two reasons to remarry are not good reasons. With this in mind our solutions for relationship success in our fifties requires a new framework to assist us achieve long term fulfilment.
Looking for new love involves us realising that not all people are able to provide us with the opportunity for healthy balanced interactions. We need to establish healthy boundaries prior to dating with the understanding that, although we have a lot of choices, they are not all good for us because underneath the surface we are not all the same.
Becoming clear about what we are looking for and identifying our values and relationship goals are critical steps towards preparing for a new commitment. This requires us to resolve all past relationship issues, hurts and traumas and pinpointing what we will no longer tolerate, all in the name of love. If these considerations aren’t taken into account then there is a higher risk of repeating the past but with a more painful outcome.
For successful partner selection, we need to listen to what the other person is telling us they want and desire in a relationship. If they are telling us that they want different things out of life then we need to act on this, by not pursuing the relationship further. It is important not to ignore or turn the other person’s words into what we want to hear. It is paramount a person aligns with our values and goals for relationship success.
There is often a strong desire to connect and to find our special person at this stage in our life. However, another person cannot complete us - they can only compliment us.
To develop and maintain healthy relationships, we need to access and maintain our personal power and begin to choose consciously and wisely in all of our relationship interactions. We need to be make conscious partnership selection and ensure our future relationship will enhance our growth and provide us with the ability to give and receive love.
Written by Marina Baker. Republished with permission of Wyza.com.au.