Expert tips to beat loneliness during the holiday season
Janice Killey, principal psychologist at Life Resolutions Kogarah in New South Wales, writes for Over60 about an issue she sees a lot at her practice during the holiday season: sadness and loneliness.
“There are a number of factors why some people feel sadder and lonelier over the holiday period. For some it can be the bombardment of media showing images of smiling families and friends. This can lead some people to question the quality of their own relationships or not having family around. For others, especially older people their usual weekly social routine might be disrupted because friends may be away or activities are not being held. People who are lonely or have feelings of disconnectedness often avoid social interactions at holiday time. These individuals may see other people spending time with friends and family and ask themselves, "Why can't that be me?" or "Why is everyone else so much happier than I am?"
For some, holidays are a painful reminder of what once was. This is especially true for people who have experienced a significant loss such as the death of a spouse or a break-up. For these individuals, it is important to manage expectations. When envisioning how the holidays will unfold after a loss, a person should include both the highs and lows in their expectations.
Holidays also have a way of bringing up the past, causing us to compare current holidays to previous ones. The sights, smells and sounds of holidays hearken back to childhood when you were nestled in your family and create a painful contrast to your current aloneness. Remember loneliness is temporary and circumstantial in that it can instantly lift when companionship becomes available.
Crucial to coping with holiday loneliness is being aware of any unrealistic expectations you may have about what to do and how to feel.
Experts advise a regimen of self-care during the holidays, which includes eating a healthy diet, maintaining a regular sleep pattern, and exercise. Research proves that as little as 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise can provide an immediate mood boost similar to the effects of antidepressant medications. One of the best things a person can do, however, is to reach out to others despite how difficult it may seem. Think of it like this: when you’re thirsty, you drink water. Loneliness should act in a similar way to thirst, motivating you to do something about it.
Janice’s advice for overcoming holiday sadness and loneliness
- Taking charge of your feelings. Rather than dread the isolation and loneliness you feel during the holidays, there are things you can do to minimize those feelings and experience greater emotional balance and personal fulfillment.
- Recognise your loneliness instead of denying it. Your feelings are real and worth exploring. If you feel you can't share with family or friends what you're going through, consider talking with a therapist.
- Anticipate your loneliness and plan for it. Reconnect with people with whom you've lost touch. Create your own social event and invite people to it.
- Celebrate the holidays in a different way. If being at home or attending a family event is a source of discomfort, take a trip. If giving gifts or making holiday preparations stress or depress you, pare down those tasks or share them with others.
- Take care of yourself. Do what you can to reduce your stress and connect with things and activities that you enjoy. Get plenty of rest, eat delicious and healthy foods, go to a museum or movie, get a massage take a bubble bath -- do whatever feels safe and brings you comfort.
- Limit your alcohol intake. Alcohol is a depressant, not a stimulant, and as such it can magnify your feelings of sadness.
- Reach out and help someone else. Volunteering is a powerful antidote to loneliness because it boosts one's feelings of self-worth and usefulness. Embracing the holiday spirit by giving of your time and efforts to those less fortunate might increase your connection to others and give you greater perspective and inner peace.
For those who have lost a spouse or significant other, there are several other ways to stave off the holiday blues including:
- Begin a new tradition. Plan a family outing or vacation instead of spending the holidays at home.
- Don't succumb to holiday pressures. Feel free to leave an event if you aren't comfortable and be willing to tell others, "I'm not up for this right now."
- Volunteer. Work at a soup kitchen, organise a gift drive or simply help the neighbour.
- Get back to nature. Going for a walk in the park helps many people who are feeling overwhelmed to feel better.
As the pageantry of this festive season unfolds, no matter what you decide to do, know that you can control the script of your celebrations – and that holiday loneliness need not play a role at all.”
Related links:
People are happier when they do good
How to be truly happy in today’s world
7 ways to banish negative thoughts