6 unwritten rules for grandparents
Being a grandparent has so many benefits, but there are also some unwritten rules that you must also be aware of. Not wanting to step on the toes of our children and in-laws, while also wanting a strong bond with the grandkids, is the basic goal of most grandparents. Follow the advice below to help support your family to develop into a cohesive unit, crossing multiple generations.
1. Don’t expect a phone call
Kids just don’t really think of calling their grandparents. That’s a given. So most of the time it will be up to you to get in touch if you want to meet up or just touch base. Remember that these days, younger people are used to texts or emails rather than conversations. Learn what they’re comfortable with and give that a go.
2. Don’t try to parent them
You aren’t here to teach them the life lessons or discipline them. Try to focus on fun, and let this be the building block for a solid relationship with your grandchild. Often when we are engrossed in an activity with a youngster (such as playing with Lego or colouring in) they will open up about what’s happening with their school or friends.
3. Be the bigger person
Many families find themselves in a cycle where past hurts and judgements are held as a grudge which can see relationships falter. Don’t let petty arguments or hurt feelings stop you from being the grown up and just try to move on if something happens that bothers you. Also remember that there might be other relatives (including another set of grandparents) whose feelings need to be considered when it comes to things like Christmas and birthday celebrations.
4. Get the good gifts
Yes all kids need socks and underwear, but you can leave that to mum and dad. Try to be the person who always gets the grandkids a thoughtful or meaningful gift (rather than more plastic toys that end up in landfill eventually). A great idea is to focus on experiences rather than things, for instance you might buy them a ticket to the cinema or a concert, get them an annual pass to a waterpark, or pay for their guitar lessons.
5. Offer practical help
It can be tricky for parents to manage the competing demands of kids, work, bills and relationships. Try to be a regular support by offering practical help wherever possible. This might mean dropping off lasagne to feed the family with the new baby, or popping to the shops for milk if you see they’re running low. Higher level support such as child minding should be discussed in detail to avoid anyone making assumptions about the other one’s role.
6. Keep opinions to yourself
Unless you are concerned that your grandchild is in danger, it is not appropriate for you to give your two cents on their haircut, food preferences, bedtime or milk intake. Unless you are specifically asked for advice, it’s best to bite your tongue rather than being seen as stepping over the line.
What do you think of these unwritten rules? Are there any more that you would add to the list from your experience?