How to make children do anything you ask
A new book by hypnotherapist and neuro-linguistic programming practitioner Alicia Eaton claims that linguistic strategies used to influence adults can be adapted to create obedient little children.
In her book, Words That Work: How To Get Kids To Do Almost Anything, Eaton shows how changing words we use and structuring sentences differently can influence children to do almost anything. Here are five of her top tips.
1. Always say what you DO want children to do, and not what you DON'T
“We use negative talk and then we're surprised when our children don't do what we want them to,” Eaton says.
Eaton suggests turning the phrases around into a positive to get more effective results.
2. Create the illusion of choice
If there is a reluctance to do something than give the child an illusion of choice.
Pose questions such as, “Which T-shirt will you be wearing this morning, the blue one or the red?”
“This pre-supposes that the child has agreed to get dressed and overcomes the impasse,” she explains.
3. Talk as if it's a given that your child will do what you ask
“The word ‘when’ is often referred to as the most hypnotic word in the English language. It gently implies that something will be done in the initial instance,” says Eaton.
Use this when speaking to children to give the subtle message that the task needs to be done. For example: “When you've tidied your room, we'll have some lunch”, “When you've finished your maths homework, we'll be able to go out to the park” or “When you've put your uniform on, we can go downstairs for breakfast”.
4. Create a linguistic connection between you and your child
According to Eaton, creating a link in the language you use can be a powerful way of getting children to listen. She suggests using phrases like “I, like you, realise you have lots of choices in front of you” or “You, like me, realise how much easier it is to do homework with a tidy desk”.
5. Say “thank you” before, rather than after
“We're used to thanking people after they've done something for us, but what about thanking before it's been done?” poses Eaton. “This often works well because children naturally want to please people, especially their parents.”
6. Always give your reasoning
Eaton says, “By explaining why we're asking for something, our request is more likely to be granted.” She suggests adding a “because” to every request.
If you need help with the shopping, she suggests you try: “Can you help me carry the shopping from the car because there are just too many bags for me to do them in one trip.”
7. Front-load your sentences
“Front-loading your sentences with phrases such as 'think about it' and 'listen' sends a powerful suggestion to your child to do just that,” says Eaton.
Phrases like, “Think about it. How good will it feel once you've finished your homework?” create an incentive for children to finish their homework.
8. Put a positive spin on moaning
Eaton suggests reflection or bouncing back negative statements with a positive spin.
For example, if your child complains “I'm too hot”, Eaton suggests bouncing back with something positive like “Ah, you'd like to feel cooler. What would make you feel better – opening a window or removing your jacket?”
9. Use leading questions
“Using leading questions is a useful language pattern that can help to take your child from a problem to a desired solution,' explains Eaton.
Asking questions that put a positive spin on a problem and at the same time help your children feel part of the solution like: “So, you're telling me about how much you hated this year's maths teacher – so you can begin to look forward to the new one you'll be having when you go back to school?”
10. Help your child stop using the “can't” word
“To get your child out of this habit, highlight that things can and do change,” says Eaton. “Your child is changing all the time, which means not being able to do something is merely transient.”
When children say things like, “I can’t do maths”, Eaton suggests turning it around into, “Ah, you just haven't yet found a way to do that particular exercise yet”.
“The idea is to switch focus to talk about what your child can do rather than what they can't,” Eaton explains.
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