Life lessons my 96-year-old mother inadvertently taught me
Robyn Lee is in her 70s and lives with two lovable but naughty cats. She has published a book on seniors behaving badly, entitled“Old Age and Villainy”, and considers herself an expert on the subject.
Like most of us, born in the 40s and 50s, I was brought up to mind my manners, tell the truth and to respect my elders. As kids do, however, I noted the difference in what I was taught and what my elders practiced! Here are some examples of what I learnt:
1. How to disguise new outfits as old-ish
Whenever mum bought herself a new outfit, she'd hide it at the back of the wardrobe for a few weeks. Once it was decided to bring the outfit out for an airing, if my father commented that he hadn't seen it before, she'd airily say she'd had it for a while. Which she had, I suppose. I was always sworn to secrecy on our shopping jaunts, not that father would have begrudged her the outfit, but I think mum always felt a little guilty, as she usually made her own clothes.
2. How to use wine as medication
Mum suffers from badly shaking hands, the result of a neck injury in a car accident some 30-odd years earlier. As you can imagine, this makes life a little difficult for her at times. However, one evening she noticed that having a glass of wine controlled the shaking remarkably well. In one of our phone calls, she told me of this phenomenon adding that, according to an article she had read, scientists in the UK are conducting research into how wine could control essential tremor, as it's known. That was all I needed to hear. I don't have shaky hands but I'll drink wine for medicinal purposes... any purpose will do!
3. How not to tell a joke
Mum loved to hear good jokes, yes, even the mildly naughty ones. She got a great kick out of it and loved to pass them on. Except she couldn't. She'd give an enthusiastic announcement about a wonderful joke she heard and proceed to tell it... punchline first.
4. When not to book a doctor's appointment
Years ago, my parents owned a smallish property with two enormous glasshouses for growing tomatoes and beans during winter. There was also a small shop where they would sell produce on behalf of other small growers in the area.
Mum loved eating vegetables and hated waste so anything that wasn't deemed good enough to sell was put aside and she'd cook and freeze it for the family. She adored beetroot and had made a beetroot salad for lunch one day, plus she had a large amount of sliced beetroot with her dinner that evening.
She noticed something amiss the next day and made an appointment to see the doctor... until she realised what had caused the complaint. Mum had eaten so much beetroot her urine had turned red! Appointment hurriedly cancelled.
5. How to get a “discount” on plants
Green thumbs ran in the family and Mum was no exception. Very rarely did she suffer defeat in that regard but when she did, she mourned the plant that had “turned up its toes”, as she would say.
Some of her methods for obtaining cuttings were questionable though. On a walk with her one day, we admired gardens and various gorgeous plants and shrubs with mum oohing and aahing over different specimens. When we arrived back home, she gleefully showed off her “loot” to father. I was astounded. From the pockets of the jacket she had insisted on wearing even though it was a mild day, she pulled a whole bunch of what looked like leaves and small twigs. They were tiny pieces of plants she'd managed to pilfer while on our walk – and I hadn't noticed a thing! It goes without saying that her ill-gotten gains flourished under her tender care.
6. How to state the obvious
On one occasion, my mother and her sister, plus me, my brothers and our cousins, nine kids in all, were at the beach. Being of Maori descent, we loved collecting pipis to steam over a fire for a delicious feast. However, fires on the beach were only permitted to Maori in those days and when a man came over to ask what we were doing, mum was a little nervous that he was a ranger, even though we weren't breaking any law.
She gave her name and that of my auntie, saying, “This is my sister. We're related, you know.”
It turned out the man wasn't a ranger but a visitor to the country, curious as to local custom.
7. The value of a good laugh
Mum has the wonderful ability to get her words mixed at times with hilarious, if sometimes profane, results.
I was telling her how I'd cut down on consuming meat, cutting out red meat altogether.
"Ooh, I love meat," declared Mum, "I'm a real cannibal!"
She meant carnivore.
I had told Mum I was writing this article and she was a little dubious about the whole exercise.
"You won't use my name, will you?" she asked anxiously.
Upon my assurance that I wouldn't, she happily exclaimed, "Oh, that means I'll be anonymously famous!"
What life lessons have you learnt from your mother? Share your experience with us in the comments below.
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