Finding love again after 30 years
After 30 years on her own, Sharon Fogarty decided it was time to throw caution to the wind and give dating a go. Here’s why she’s glad she did.
Over60 community member Sharon Fogarty, 64, from beautiful Kempsey in NSW, never intended to be in another permanent relationship after a bad marriage and raising three children alone. But 10 years ago, with the kids having flown the nest, she decided it was time to focus on herself and get back in the game.
“A good male friend, who I had met on the internet in a chat website, says to me one day, ‘I have found this really good dating website and I’ve joined. How about we put you on as well and see what happens?’
I had been on my own for over 30 years, bringing up my little family, and thought it was about time I spread my wings and enjoy myself now that the kids had all left home and made their own ways in the world. With my heart in my feet, I told my friend, ‘Yes, why not, it’s only on the computer after all’. I started online dating about 10 years ago now, at the age of 54.
Frogs there were and plenty of them too. Men who I met who had no expectations as to what would happen afterwards, some who had no teeth, some with clothes that didn’t match, some who only wanted to go for a beer and others who smelt of cigarettes. Yes, I was being particular!
To my surprise, I began talking with a very nice man the same age as myself. He couldn’t spell but he didn’t smoke and he was clean with nice breath, and I liked what he typed in his emails to me. We seemed to have a lot in common. We’re only three days apart in age so I think it helps that we remember a lot of the same sort of things. All in all, I thought he was a nice bloke.
One day he asks to meet up and me being a bit cheeky says, ‘Come on. You only live an hour and a half away up the road, why not come down and visit me?’ He took me up on that offer a few weeks later and we’ve been together ever since, about eight years so far and loving every minute of it!
I had massive heart surgery a year after first meeting the gentleman and he stayed with me throughout the entire recovery – looking after me and sitting in the hospital while I recovered. I thought to myself if he can do this, he is a keeper. One year after my heart surgery, he suffered a stroke while we were out to tea. It was my turn to look after him. We still don’t live together all the time since he goes back to work a few days a week and I often stay at home, but I think it’s good in that it gives us some space.
We had only been seeing each other in person a few times when my daughter rings up early one Sunday morning and says, ‘I’m in labour! Can you come into town?’ He was in the middle of cooking his breaky so I told him he could either come or stay at the property. At this stage, none of my family had met him since I thought it was a bit early. But, he came and went with the flow of helping out with the other kids.
Some of the things we have in common are elderly parents. His mum is still alive and he sees her every two weeks and takes her out from the nursing home. My dad has recently passed away, with both of us looking after him for the last 18 months.
We also both love gardening but lately, I have become the forman and him the worker! We both like animals, going on holidays in our little caravan, doing jigsaw puzzles, reading, finding out about our ancestors, going to the club for the raffles and tea, and, of course, doing things with our kids and grandkids.
When he came to the house for the very first time it was after he had spent the day with his mum. It was late in the afternoon. I looked out the window and saw a man with shorts, thongs, a brimmed hat and an esky in tow. I didn’t know whether to open the door or not! But, being the nice person that I am, I opened it and asked what was in the esky. I thought it was full of booze but instead it was breakfast – fresh bread, eggs, bacon, hash browns and real milk from the farm. I never thought I would be in another serious relationship after going through a bad marriage and raising three kids alone. I thought I would be alone forever but I didn’t mind too much as I like my own company and can amuse myself. However, I did give online dating a go. While dating websites can be expensive, boring and a minefield, there are men on there who are absolute gentlemen.
All I can say is to go for it and give it a try. Remember to be careful and take notice of your own concerns, and be positive about what you want and not what the men you meet necessarily want. Meet in a public place and tell someone where you are going.
As we get older I suppose we know what we want. Well I certainly did and it wasn’t a permanent man in my life after a bad marriage and being alone for nearly 37 years, but here I am doing what I want, but not what I thought I wanted.”
Photograph is a stock image and is not of Sharon Fogarty.
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