The secret to make love last
Ah, falling in love is a magical time. Staying in love, however, can be more hard work than you could have imagined.
Want to know the secrets to making a relationship go the distance? Read our tips below.
Tip #1: Remember that you are not a mind reader
We all think we know our partner so well. So much so that we begin to think that we can actually read their minds. “He isn’t talking much tonight, he must be angry”; or “She wants to read her book all night, she mustn’t love me.” Sound familiar?
The trouble with mind reading is we tend to jump to extreme (and usually negative) conclusions based on small facts that are presented to us. In fact, there could be a hundred other reasons why your partner does what they do.
We look at signs such as body language or changes in behaviour and assign hidden meanings that are simply not there.
When you first fall in love, the negative traits of your partner are often overlooked. But as time progresses, the “fun loving guy” becomes “unreliable” – even though their behaviours haven’t changed, your interpretation of them has.
Tip #2: Outline your expectations
Just because you have been with someone for years doesn’t mean that you have ever sat down and discussed what makes you tick (or get ticked off).
For some people, if their partner is late it means they don’t care about them; or if they don’t get an anniversary gift it means their partner is having an affair.
It’s actually important to tell your partner what are the deal breakers for you. You may think that it should be obvious, but again (refer to tip #1) if you haven’t communicated the feeling then how should your partner know how much it means to you?
In the same way, you need to ask your partner how to avoid breaking their unwritten rules.
Tip #3: Try to assume the best
Another way to help your love last is to go back to the rose-coloured glasses of first love and assume that your partner loves you and wants the best for you.
Instead of attaching the negative aspect to their actions, assume that it was an oversight unless it is glaringly obvious that something is amiss.
Perhaps you could re-frame their behaviour into a positive call to action. If your partner seems cranky, you could assume they might be tired instead of angry at you. Or if they forgot to lock the door it could be that they are worried about a sick relative rather than being purposely flaky.
Another way to focus on the positive is to write it down. Anytime your partner does something nice for you, note it down in a gratitude journal. You can then read it at the end of the week and let the positive vibes fill you with love.
Related links:
83-year-old couple prove it's never too late to tie the knot
14 secrets of couples who stay together forever
Great conversation starters for any situation