2 questions that determine fate of relationships
Apparently there are just two questions you need to ask to determine if your marriage will last… or not.
A University of Virginia study, conducted by Leora Friedberg and Steven Stern, asked 4,242 couples two simple questions to assess the quality of the marriage. They then followed up on the couples six years later. The questions were:
1. How happy are you in your marriage relative to how happy you would be if you weren’t in the marriage? (The answer choices are: much worse; worse; same; better; much better.)
2. How do you think your spouse answered that question?
In other words, would you still be just as happy if you weren’t married?
After analysing the data, the study authors found only 40 per cent of couples were able to correctly predict what their partner would say – which means 60 per cent of married couples were not quite on the same page. The results also indicated a higher divorce rate in couples where one spouse overestimated how unhappy their partner would be if they were separated. The pairs that remained wedded were when both partners said they would be “worse” or “much worse” if they broke up.
The study researchers warned that couples misjudging each other’s emotions could unknowingly cause a divorce. Professor Stern explains: “If I believe my wife is really happy in the marriage, I might push her to do more chores or contribute a larger portion of the family income. If, unbeknownst to me, she’s actually just lukewarm about the marriage, or she’s got a really good-looking guy who is interested in her, she may decide those demands are the last straw, and decide a divorce would be a better option for her.”
“In this scenario, pushing a bargain too hard, based on misperception of a partner’s happiness, will result in a divorce that wouldn’t otherwise have occurred.”
Professor Friedberg added the research indicated how important it was to pick your battles in relationships.
“This data shows that people aren’t being as tough negotiators as they could be, and then we realised that we needed to include caring in the model for it to make sense,” she says.
“The idea of love here is that you get some happiness from your spouse simply being happy. For instance, I might agree to do more house chores, which reduces my personal happiness somewhat, but I get some offsetting happiness simply knowing that my partner benefits.”
While there are plenty of other reasons marriages break up, their advice is still good to keep in mind.
Related links:
How to be a good wife according to a 1950s book
12 words about love that don’t have an English equivalent
13 famous quotes about marriage