Tennis legend Pam Shriver opens up on "traumatic" affair
Tennis star Pam Shriver has shared an insight into the “inappropriate” and “traumatic” affair she had with her coach as a teen, hoping her story will prompt tennis organisations to address the “alarmingly common” issue.
Shriver wrote about her experience in a column for the UK Telegraph, revealing how the relationship she had with her Australian coach Don Candy was “inappropriate and damaging”.
This is not an easy story for me to tell, but it is time.
You can listen to my story on the @TennisPodcast - https://t.co/81m3Ryfwr4
You can read my story @TelegraphSport - https://t.co/ckvTF4SSQQ pic.twitter.com/ZRHJMxPTjg
— Pam Shriver (@PHShriver) April 20, 2022
Candy, who passed away in 2020, began working with Shriver when she was just nine years old and coached her when she went through to the final of the US Open at 16.
She said she told the 50-year-old she was falling in love with him when she was 17, with the pair going on to have an affair.
“My main motivation is to let people know this still goes on - a lot,” she wrote.
“I believe abusive coaching relationships are alarmingly common in sport as a whole. My particular experience, though, is in tennis, where I have witnessed dozens of instances in my four-and-a-bit decades as a player and commentator.
“Every time I hear about a player who is dating their coach, or I see a male physio working on a female body in the gym, it sets my alarm bells ringing.”
Shriver shared that she had “conflicted feelings” about Candy, and that though she wasn’t sexually abused, “there was emotional abuse”.
“I felt so many horrendous emotions and I felt so alone. The worst would be my anger and jealousy when his wife came to tournaments,” the 22-time grand slam champion wrote.
“It was horrible. I can’t even tell you how many nights I just sobbed in my room - and then had to go out and play a match the next day.
“Yes, he and I became involved in a long and inappropriate affair. Yes, he was cheating on his wife. But there was a lot about him that was honest and authentic. And I loved him. Even so, he was the grown-up there.
“He should have been the trustworthy adult. In a different world, he would have found a way to keep things professional. Only after therapy did I start to feel a little less responsible. Now, at last, I’ve come to realise that what happened is on him.”
Shriver wrote the her ability to form normal relationships had been “stunted” by the affair, which had been a “traumatic experience” for her.
“The after-effects lasted far beyond the time we spent together. Our affair shaped my whole experience of romantic life,” she wrote.
Though she suggested some possible solutions to the issue, Shriver said she doesn’t have all the answers.
“By the time they graduate to the main tennis tour, many patterns have already been set,” she wrote.
“And then there’s the coaches. The best way to protect their charges is to put them through an education process before they arrive on tour.
“The same goes for other credential-holders: physios, fitness trainers and so on. The point has to be made very clearly: these kinds of relationships are not appropriate, and there will be consequences for those who cross the line.”
Image: Getty Images