The 3 most important weddings in my life
Ray Thomas left his family farm in South Australia when he was in his 20s and moved to New Zealand. He has always loved writing short stories and watching sport. He married an amazing woman 16 years ago and they both retired three years ago. They love family life, travelling, spending time in their large garden and fostering young children.
It would seem to me that nothing brings family and friends closer together than the two extremes of life. People travel near and far to attend, sometimes seeing each other for the first time in many years. One of life’s events unites people in the happiest of times, and the other, the saddest of times. Of course, I am talking about weddings and funerals.
Happily, this is about weddings. All three of these family weddings took place over 17 years, in three different countries. For us as a family, each of them truly memorable and special in their own different ways. This is my story and the story of two amazing young people, who entered and enriched my life, when I married their mother.
Almost 17 years ago, I was lucky enough to meet an amazing woman, through a dating agency. This was fortunate because otherwise it was highly unlikely we would have ever met. She was a widow, with two grownup children – Jim was living in the North Island, and Sarah who was working in England at the time.
It soon became apparent that all three were a very close family, and although not living locally, both Jim and Sarah were very protective of their mother which I fully understood and accepted. At the time of our meeting, I was in my early 50s and she was 18 months older than me, and lovingly referred to me as her “toy boy”.
After a short while, it soon became obvious that we would marry. At our age, and with our life’s experiences, there seemed to be no point in delaying what we both wanted. For me especially, there was a major problem I needed to confront. How to mention it to Jim and Sarah, and to obtain their vital approval, knowing what a close and remarkable relationship they both had with their late father? How would they accept our marriage, but more importantly, how would they accept a total stranger entering their tight knit family? Happily my fears were unwarranted, and I was warmly welcomed by both. Our wedding was made even more special, when both agreed to be our attendants on the day.
My wife to be was the second youngest of nine children. How would they respond to the news of our impending wedding, as they also were very protective toward their sister?
Again, there was no problem, much to my relief. It soon became obvious that I was marrying into an amazing family.
Obtaining everyone’s approval meant a great deal to us. We could then proceed with our wedding plans. With so many family members, most of whom travelled a great distance, it turned out to be a logistical nightmare, but one I sensed, had happened numerous times before, within the large extended family.
The wedding took place in Christchurch shortly before Christmas 2001 with a large number of people in attendance including my two sisters from Adelaide, South Australia.
Now, to continue this story, I need to fast forward four years.
Sarah was now working in North Carolina, USA. It was approaching Christmas and she was feeling a little homesick so asked us to spend the festive season with her. I, in particular, jumped at the opportunity, as it would be my first trip to America, and there was always the possibility of experiencing a white Christmas.
It was an amazing trip. Sarah took us to Florida, where we spent a few incredible days at Disneyworld, and visited several scenic attractions on the way back to North Carolina.
When the opportunities presented themselves, she also showed many of the local tourist attractions. We did not receive the hoped for snow at Christmas, but it did not seem to matter, as the three of us still enjoyed a fantastic Christmas together.
Before leaving to come home, Sarah assured us, she would be home by the following Christmas, and was even looking into the costs of bringing her beloved dog Abby with her. A few months later, and despite the best of her intentions, her plans were suddenly disrupted as she had met an amazing man. It came as no surprise, a short while later when she announced her plans to marry. For various reasons, the decision was made to marry in America.
We arrived about a week before the wedding. It was all great fun, getting everything organised, and preparing for the highly anticipated wedding. This was even more so when family/friends from Australia and New Zealand began to arrive.
It was December and just before Christmas so, as expected it was really cold, but that did not prevent it from being a truly memorable occasion for all of those fortunate to attend. After the wedding in the darkness of the still, frosty night, with street lights guiding our way, it was an amazing, experience as the wedding party (and a few close family members) happily laughed and recalled the wedding on our way up the hill to where the reception was held. It was something I have never forgotten.
In place of her late father, Sarah asked her mother to “give her away”, the poignancy of which was not lost on those closest to the family, and helped make a remarkable day even more special. Jim was a groomsman and MC at the reception.
With two weddings in two countries completed, Jim was now the only member of the family still single.
About four years later, Jim was now studying in northern NSW. Being a largely private person, it was therefore a major surprise when shortly before Christmas, asked his mother if it would be OK to bring a female friend home for the large, family Christmas.
We were happily surprised, and it was great to meet her, not knowing if anything would develop between them in the future. It was a little daunting for her to be suddenly confronted by so many family members but she handled herself and the situation really well, and everyone really liked her. We were all hoping they would have a future together, as they seemed to be an ideal couple.
Because Jim, who was living in Auckland and she in Brisbane, it made a relationship for them both, difficult, but they persevered and spent time together whenever the opportunities arose.
A few months ago, we unexpectedly received a phone call from Jim, who had flown to Brisbane and informed us of their engagement. We were naturally thrilled and delighted for them both.
So began weeks and months of planning for the wedding, which took place in coastal, northern NSW, in late February of this year. Some family and friends travelled a great distance to attend the wedding, including Jim’s sister Sarah and her husband who was a groomsman, and their two daughters were flower girls.
The thoughts and prayers of many close family members were of Jim’s late father, at that special time in his life. It was despite that, a great, fun-filled (although extremely hot) day which was enjoyed by all.
For those Kiwi family and friends unable to attend, a large marquee was erected on our lawn a few days later, and part of the wedding was re-enacted. The weather was fine and warm, and helped to make a great day.
That completes our trio of weddings in three different countries, so there is no chance of anymore weddings and a chance to bring long distance loved ones together, if even for a short time.
That only leaves funerals. From previous experience, we know they unite people, but we would prefer it if we were not faced with any for many years to come.