The reasons why sibling relationships are so special
The sibling relationship is often a love-hate affair from the get-go – they’re paradoxically our fiercest competitors and closest confidants. In his book, The Sibling Effect, Jeffrey Kluger discusses why sibling relationships are the most important ones in our lives. We’ve picked out Kluger’s most interesting observations about the bond between siblings.
The sibling relationships is unique
“Siblings are the only relatives, and perhaps the only people you’ll ever know, who are with you through the entire arc of your life. Your parents leave you too soon and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form. Assuming you all reach a ripe old age, they'll be with you until the very end, and for that reason, there is an intimacy and a familiarity that can't possibly be available to you in any other relationship throughout your life. Certainly, people can get along without siblings. Single children do, and there are people who have irreparably estranged relationships with their siblings who live full and satisfying lives, but to have siblings and not make the most of that resource is squandering one of the greatest interpersonal resources you'll ever have.”
Siblings teach us important skills for life
“When you learn conflict-resolution skills in the playroom, you then practice them on the playground, and that in turn stays with you. If you have a combative sibling or a physically intimidating, older sibling, you learn a lot about how to deal with situations like that later in life. If you're an older sibling and you have a younger sibling who needs mentoring or is afraid of the dark, you develop nurturing and empathic skills that you wouldn't otherwise have.”
Sibling traits are the same across hundreds of species
“So many of the sibling dynamics we find in the home are replicated in the natural, non-human world, and so much of what I found is universal across several hundreds of species. When you get up to humans, we've embroidered and built on these dynamics in all kinds of elaborate ways, but human sibling relationships are deeply rooted into the evolutionary chain.”
Why sharing is so difficult between siblings
“With very young kids, when researchers look at what the causes of fights are, some 80 per cent of all fights in the playroom break out over property disputes...Parents shouldn't just roll their eyes, even though conflicts over sharing are so common, because property for a small child is a critical way of establishing authority and control over a world in which they have virtually no power.”
Conflict with parents can make sibling relationships stronger
“When your parents, who are the anchors you're counting on the most, are falling down on the job, siblings look to each other and find ways to pull together, because the last thing you can afford to see fractured at that point is the unit among yourselves.”