4 reasons why nice people say hurtful things
It would be the rare person who hasn’t put their foot firmly in their mouth over the years. Whether it was a throw away line about a persons weight or appearance or an unthinking remark about a situation or scenario, we all inadvertently have the capacity to be insensitive.
The most common insensitive remarks can usually be linked to our desire to saying “something” when in a difficult situation. Our own discomfort often makes us blurt out the worst possible lines, for example saying to someone after the loss of a loved one “it’s all going to be ok.” It’s a seemingly innocuous comment but one that shows a lack of empathy and our desire to reassure and “fix” things as opposed to being there for the person and their own experience.
Here are four other possible reasons why “nice” people sometimes say the wrong thing:
- They struggle to empathise and understand – If you’ve never experience anything similar to what your friend or acquaintance is experiencing then it can be very difficult to put yourself in their shoes.
- They’ve been there but have moved beyond it – Shared experience can facilitate empathy but sometimes it can have the opposite effect. If you’ve moved on from or beaten something like cancer or a mental health issue you may inadvertently be quite harsh when speaking with those who are still battling the same issue.
- They don’t want to imagine being there – Empathy can be painful and uncomfortable which can make it very unappealing for some people. Feeling overwhelmed with your own sadness can reduce compassion as you try and manage your own emotions and seemingly forget about the other person.
- They want to make the problem go away – Some problems unfortunately do not have simple solutions. It is human nature to want to fix things or problem solve but sometimes it’s just not possible and being an open ear to listen and nurture is far more appreciated.
Related links:
4 ways to deal with awful people
3 “bad” relationship traits that are actually healthy