Why some people take breakups harder than others
The world often seems divided into two groups of people; those who bounce back from a breakup and those who don’t. The reasoning behind this split has been a topic of interest for researchers who have been keen to uncover why some people are continually plagued by ghosts from their romantic past while others sail on through life with barely a scratch left behind.
The loss of a partner or the disintegration of a relationship can make it very easy to fall into a negative head space where self-deprecation and incessant self-evaluation become common place. Research has found that when people are in a close relationship their self becomes intertwined with their partner’s self. Two halves of a whole so to speak. While this is completely normal relationship behavior, the demise of the relationship can cause some loss of self as partner’s battle to regain who they were before and who they are now, apart and aside from the person who was partnered up.
The same research found that people reported the most prolonged distress after a romantic rejection when it caused damage to their self-image. When rejection is linked to self-esteem and self-image it somehow cuts deeper and can leave a lasting wound which can sometimes be carried into future relationships.
Can a relationship breakup be healthy and possibly even productive? Separating breakups, breakdowns and rejection from the self is one of the best ways to survive a breakup with your sense of self in-tact. It’s important to consciously consider the stories we create and tell ourselves about the experience of breaking up. Creating a story where we learn from possible mistakes but also remain somewhat pragmatic appears to be the best way to move forward and most importantly, enter our next relationship with a healthy self-image.
What did you find was most helpful when dealing with a breakup? Share your experiences with other Over60s in the comments below.
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