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4 tips for looking after an injured partner

As hard as it can be to recover from an injury yourself, it can be just as difficult to watch your partner go through the same pain. Whether it’s a fall, a simple sprain, back pain or something more serious, there are lots of easy ways in which you can help them on their path to recovery. 1. Make your home more accessible If your partner’s injury affects their strength or ability to walk, you need to take a good look at your home and see what you can do to make mobility easier. Removing possible obstructions like plants and pieces of furniture is a good way to start. If you have any rugs, temporarily move them or at the very least ensure they are stuck down securely and won’t be able to trip anyone up. 2. Communicate Open up the path for communication with your partner and encourage them not to suppress what they’re feeling. People’s pride often prevents them from admitting they’re in pain, so make sure your partner knows how important it is to you that they are open and honest throughout their recovery. Plus, it’s always easier when you have a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to. 3. Keep them busy It’s easy for formerly active people to slip into depression when suddenly finding themselves stuck indoors. Therefore, it’s just as essential to look after their mental health as it is their physical health. Suggest ways they can keep themselves occupied and productive. Why not learn a language? There are hundreds of free educational apps and resources out there to keep your partner busy and maybe even teach them a new skill. 4. Treatment Stubborn partners can be a real pain to treat. First you have to get them to the doctor, then you have to make sure they’re actually going through with the treatment. However hard it may be, though, if your partner doesn’t receive immediate treatment, their condition could simply keep getting worse. Have you ever had to care for an injured partner? We’d love to hear your advice. Share your tips with us in the comments below. Image: Getty

Caring

4 things our ancestors can teach us about caregiving

Human life expectancy has <a href="https://ourworldindata.org/life-expectancy" target="_blank">come a long way</a> in an incredibly short amount of time, so you would be forgiven for thinking that the custom of caring for our elders is a similarly recent development in human culture. However, studies are showing that caring for the ageing members of society is something that humans have been doing for millennia. CaringNews.com explored the evidence and studies supporting this theory, and presented some pretty compelling things we can learn from our ancestors. 1. Caregiving is genetic Anthropologist Erik Trinkaus <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.1330570108/abstract" target="_blank">presented evidence</a> of the burial, some 50,000 years ago, of a Neandertal individual who not only had debilitating injuries, but lived with them for some time. According to Trinkaus, this individual has lost a forearm, suffered from a limp, and was deaf. Without help from their fellows, it would have been very difficult for this individual to survive. 2. People depended on their elders Despite their typical slowness and frailty, the older members of society still had much to offer – taking the time to pass down their knowledge. Those elders were regarded as experts in the day-to-day necessities of crafting weapons, telling edible plants from poisonous, and turning animal skins into clothing and bedding. Around 50,000 years ago, an increase in general human longevity is believed to have led to marked cultural advances for humans. 3. Caregiving is a virtue Ancient civilisations in China and Rome considered showing respect and caring for one’s elders was a mark of honour. Confucianism refers to this as filial piety. The idea that elders would regularly be sent to die alone on an ice floe is now regarded as a myth – an unthinkable action that would likely only have occurred in times of desperate need or hardship. 4. It takes a village In ancient times, when society was much less developed than today, humans needed to hunt and forage daily just to survive, meaning that the task of caring for elders and the injured was likely shared by those beyond the immediate family. How do you think caregiving will develop as human society progresses in the future?

Caring

3 tips for sharing caregiving responsibilities with siblings

On the one hand, we’re lucky – with medical and nutritional advancements, we’re afforded more time to spend with our parents. The flip side of that coin, however is that people who live longer are more likely to require care for a degenerative illness. Taking on the role of caregiver for the people who shepherded you from childhood can be conflicting and stressful, but if you find a way to work well with your siblings, you can relieve the pressure you feel, while ensuring your parents receive the best care possible. 1. Role play As an adult, spending time with family can often mean we slip into familiar roles we played as a child, even if we don’t realise it. Perhaps, as the youngest, your siblings treat you as immature or naïve; maybe you were studious in school, and are still expected to be a nerd. These roles are seldom created by the player, and are usually facilitated by a parent’s expectation. When you and your siblings come together to care for your parents, it’s important that you examine these roles and do your best to shake them off. You’re adults now – with adult responsibilities and concerns. 2. Communication is key Having open, honest lines of communication is vital when multiple people are sharing the role of caregiver. Especially when not everyone involved lives close by, things like group emails can be a great way to make sure everyone has exactly the same information available to them. This doesn’t stop at advice and updates provided by professionals – parents are often guilty of telling different things to siblings, not out of malice, but out of concern for who can best handle difficult information. Be frank with your siblings about what mum said to you when you asked her how her health was, and ask them to do the same. 3. Be compassionate When you act in the role of a caregiver, you usually have experience being compassionate. However, that compassion is likely extended to the one for whom you are caring, with less consideration for those alongside you. Caregiving can be exhausting – mentally, physically, and emotionally – and we all handle the responsibilities in different ways. It’s not up to us to pass judgement on how much our siblings contribute to the care of parents. If a sibling isn’t pulling their weight, in your opinion, then perhaps you could find time to have an open, honest conversation with them about the added pressure that puts on you and others. This conversation will give them the chance to show compassion for you, but also to express their own feelings, giving you the opportunity to better understand their own priorities, and the relationship they have with your parents’ condition. What’s one piece of advice you would give to someone sharing the role of caregiver with their siblings?

Caring

5 ways caregivers can combat depression

Caregivers are often seen as strong, stoic people, with much outside attention paid to the person for whom they care. But we know that, while possessing inexpressible strength, caregivers are also <a href="http://www.deakin.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0020/274520/Carers-lit-review.pdf" target="_blank">more likely to suffer from depression</a>. Some of the symptoms of depression include: <ul> <li>Feelings of sadness or hopelessness</li> <li>Loss of interest in most activities that bring pleasure – sports, hobbies, etc</li> <li>Change in appetite</li> <li>Anxiety or restlessness</li> <li>Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or failure</li> <li>Frequent or recurring thoughts of death and/or suicide</li> <li>Slowed thinking, speech, and movement</li> </ul> Recognising and naming depression in yourself can be a difficult and scary task, but once you have, the important next step is finding ways to look after yourself. Here are some ways you can combat depression as a caregiver. 1. Make time for you As much as caregiving can feel like a job that needs to be performed every hour of every day, that’s not a realistic expectation to set for yourself. Organise respite for yourself by asking for help from family or friends, or finding a local day care. Then use that time to do something that you love – see a movie, go out to dinner, go on a bushwalk, or just spend time in the garden. 2. Stronger together Never underestimate the value of having someone you can talk to who understands exactly what you’re going through. Find a support group, whether physical or online, that works for your situation. Communities will usually have support groups for caregivers, as well as for people suffering from depression. 3. Don’t be bullied by your thoughts That nasty little voice we all have inside of us can be infinitely louder for people suffering from depression. The voice, which often sounds like our own, will whisper things like, “you’re useless”. Training yourself to counter that voice is a good way to combat the feelings of negativity. Next time you hear that voice chime in, think to yourself, “I’m not useless – I’m doing something invaluable for someone I love because I am a strong, caring person.” 4. Keep a diary Writing down your thoughts can be therapeutic, as well as provide you with a useful tool when looking for patterns in your own behaviour and thoughts. Going back over your recollections can help you address behaviours and recognise scenarios that make you feel worse. Finding these triggers can help you avoid or eliminate them. 5. Speak to your doctor If you feel like your depression is too much for you to handle on your own, then it is important that you speak to a professional about it. Depression is an illness, and should be treated as such. It is not weakness to ask for help – it is brave. Your GP should be your first stop. They may have a specialist to whom they can refer you to see. Do you have other resources you use to cope as a caregiver? Share them in the comments.

Caring

Daughters carry the burden of parental care

If you ask around, you’ll probably find that more of your female friends have had to care for their ageing parents than your male friends. Why is this? That’s what a recent study from Princeton University set out to learn. “Sons provide a lower relative share of total parent care if they have a sister, whereas daughters provide a larger relative share if they have a brother,” sociology graduate student Angelina Grigoryeva found. “This finding suggests sons may pass on parent-care responsibilities to their sisters.” Grigoryeva believes this may be due to society’s tendency to raise girls to become caregivers and homemakers, however the gender divide is even stronger in caring for elderly relatives than other responsibilities. “Gender inequality in elder care is more pronounced than in housework or child care,” she said. However, the divide may be due to another reason entirely – the traditional beliefs of a generation who grew up in a society where women were expected to always take on the caregiver role. “It is possible that elderly women in need of care resist the caregiving efforts of sons,” Grigoryeva explained. Postdoctoral fellow Marina Bastawrous from the University of Toronto agreed, telling <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/news/when-parents-need-care-daughters-carry-the-burden-study-says/" target="_blank">CBS</a> her own research found this to be true. “[Daughters] took on the caregiving role because they were the only female sibling and, in turn, their brother or brothers wouldn't do it,” she said. “On the other hand, daughters who had female siblings often talked about a more even distribution of responsibilities.” According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics’ <a href="http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/4430.0main+features402015" target="_blank">2015 Survey on Disability, Ageing and Carers</a>, women accounted for 68.1 per cent of primary carers, and among people aged 55 to 64, the number of female primary carers was double that of men. There’s also a divide in the caregiving duties carried out by men and women. “Women play a greater role than men in helping with personal and daily tasks, while men (except for spouses) more often undertake occasional help, such as doing repairs, putting together items like furniture, or installing equipment in the home,” <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?id=5lYuG4lV36MC&pg=PA71&lpg=PA71&dq=%22Women+play+a+greater+role+than+men+in+helping+with+personal+and+daily+tasks%22&source=bl&ots=HyV2EwWkWp&sig=zAUym85BBNY83TTZfW5sygpsa6E&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjG2sLYpvPTAhVThbwKHcYVCi0Q6AEIJTAA#v=onepage&q=%22Women%20play%20a%20greater%20role%20than%20men%20in%20helping%20with%20personal%20and%20daily%20tasks%22&f=false" target="_blank">writes Bittman et al</a>. Have you noticed this gender divide between sons and daughters caring for their ageing parents? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Caring

Things to remind yourself after a long day of caregiving

Being a caregiver can be a trying role. It is rarely something people are prepared for when the call comes, nevertheless, countless everyday heroes rise to the challenge of providing care for someone they love. When taking on this new role, it can be jarring just how much the life or a carer changes as focus shifts from primarily looking after their own life, to primarily looking after another’s. Despite this change, the American Psychological Association <a href="http://www.apa.org/pi/about/publications/caregivers/faq/positive-aspects.aspx" target="_blank">reports</a> that 83 per cent of caregivers viewed it as being a positive experience. Their findings also highlight, however, that carers will often experience “both positive experiences and some strain simultaneously”. With this in mind, we’re going to take a look at some things to remind yourself of, as a caregiver, if you ever feel that the strain is outweighing the good. You are there We are often called upon to give care for someone who can no longer take care of themselves because of age and/or degenerative disease. In instances such as this, it’s important to remember that, as a caregiver, you are being there for your charge as they face a difficult time. For many, this is the final stage of their life, and having someone by their side will help temper the fear they may feel. They may not acknowledge it with words, but your act of love will be gratefully received by the one for whom you care. Special moments For those who have someone in their life who needs care, it can be difficult to notice the special little moments. But as a caregiver, those tiny glimmers can make a bad day, week, or month worth all the effort. If you’re a caregiver, you no doubt love when these unexpected moments happen – whatever form they take – so cherish them, remember them, and hold them tight in your heart when things feel difficult. You make a difference It can be easy to forget that being a caregiver is about making a very real difference in the life of another person. But it’s so important to remember that what you are doing is changing someone else’s life for the better. Your sacrifice, your hard work, they add up to a better life for someone you love. To you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a caregiver?

Caring

Is it ever ok to lie as a caregiver?

No matter how honest and truthful you may believe yourself to be, the fact is, everyone has told at least one lie in their life. Whether it’s something small like, “I don’t remember you asking me to take the bins out,” or a much more serious betrayal like cheating on a partner, we’re all guilty of being dishonest from time to time. When it comes to caregiving, however, is it ever ok to tell a lie? According to a survey of more than 700 carers by <a href="https://www.agingcare.com/articles/why-caregivers-lie-157559.htm" target="_blank">AgingCare.com</a>, 73 per cent of people taking care of ageing family members have lied to them – and 43 per cent admit they fib at least once a week. So, what are they lying about? For many, it’s all about concealing how they really feel. “65 percent of frequent fibbers say that they tell untruths in order to hide their real emotions from the ones they're taking care of,” the survey found. And, given the vast array of emotions (both <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank">negative</a> and positive) that caregiving can evoke, it’s not exactly surprising. However, it turns out lying to the person being cared for isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. Researchers have found that “therapeutic lying,” <a href="http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/forensic-psychiatry/therapeutic-lying-contradiction-terms" target="_blank">defined</a> as “the practice of deliberately deceiving patients for reasons considered in their best interest,” may be beneficial when communicating with sufferers of neurodegenerative conditions like dementia. “While therapeutic fibbing isn’t appropriate for every circumstance, when used correctly, it offers a much kinder, practical way to stop troubling behaviour and reduce emotional distress,” Dr Amy D’Aprix writes in a column for <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-amy-d/white-lies-when-fibbing-is-therapeutic_b_3381458.html" target="_blank">The Huffington Post</a>. That being said, however, Dr D’Aprix admits there are some situations in which you should avoid lying – even it if it’ll make your loved one feel better. “It’s not appropriate to tell a therapeutic fib because “the truth will hurt.” In these instances, it denies someone their full human experience. So, when a woman with dementia loses her husband, she’s entitled to know. It may cause significant emotional pain, but grieving is part of the human experience. On the other hand, when therapeutic fibbing positively impacts health and well-being, it’s very useful.” Are you a caregiver? Have you ever used “therapeutic lying” as a method of calming your loved one down? Share you experiences with us in the comments below.

Caring

Moving on from caregiving after your loved one dies

Any death is heartbreaking, but the death of someone you’ve cared for can be particularly difficult to cope with. When someone passes away after weeks, months, years of devoting your time to their care, it’s only natural to think, “what now?” Aside from the normal grieving process, there’s the added factor of a feeling of emptiness – after all, this person accounted for so much of your time. Many caregivers can find themselves feeling lost, as though they no longer have a purpose, but really, the opposite is true. At the time of loss, you might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s important to keep in mind that after you’ve done your grieving, you’ll finally have time to look after yourself and do what you love. First, however, you must come to terms with your loved one’s death. Here are three simple tips to help you do just that. <ol> <li>Get support – it’s hard to admit you need help. It’s even harder to follow through with it. However, having a strong support network is the most important tool you can have when coping with grief. From friends and family to therapists and community groups, there are countless people out there who are happy to help you, even if it may not seem that way now. To learn more, read our tips on how you can meet new people over 60 both <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/websites-to-help-you-make-friends/" target="_blank">online</a> or in the <a href="/health/caring/2016/04/ways-to-make-friends-when-youre-60-plus/" target="_blank">real world</a>.</li> <li>Move on from your guilt – sadly, guilt is one of the <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank">most common feelings</a> experienced by caregivers, and most of the time it’s completely unfounded – of course, that doesn’t mean it’s any less painful. You may also be feeling relieved, and kicking yourself for it. Don’t. It’s completely natural to feel relieved that your loved one is no longer in pain. Gary Bradt, author of Put Your Mask on First: The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care, <a href="http://www.nextavenue.org/move-caregiving-parent-dies/" target="_blank">advises</a> carers to “try to accept your feelings for what they are — common human reactions to difficult life circumstances.”</li> <li>Care for yourself – for those who have had to care for another, caring for yourself can feel like a foreign concept. However, it’s a completely necessary one. Whether it’s your mind or body that’s calling out for some TLC, now’s the time to do so. If alone time is what you need, book a spa day, go for a long walk or immerse yourself in a great book. If you’d rather not be by yourself, enlist a friend for a shopping day, short road trip or even just a coffee. Anything you can do to take your mind off the loss will help you recover quicker.</li> </ol> Have you had to deal with the loss of a loved one you cared for? How did you cope? Share your tips with us in the comments below – you never know, your experience might be exactly what someone else needs to hear. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/how-to-get-the-best-hospital-care/">How to get the best hospital care</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/8-surprising-things-that-increase-life-expectancy/">8 surprising things that increase life expectancy</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/tips-to-cope-with-losing-independence-with-age/">Tips to cope with losing independence with age</a>

Caring

3 things every carer needs

Caregiving for a loved one is one of the most selfless and challenging journeys a person can embark on, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. However, with <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank">so many carers</a> experiencing stress, anxiety and even resentment, it’s vital to ensure the caregiver themselves is cared for. Here are three essentials every carer should have. Time Anyone who’s had to dedicate their lives to the care of another will know just how time- and energy-consuming it can be – especially if you’re going it alone. Finding the time to look after yourself isn’t always easy, but it’s absolutely necessary in order to maintain your physical and mental health. After all, your loved is relying on you. Each day, take just ten minutes of meditation time. Ten minutes of quietly sitting and clearing your mind of all thoughts is all it takes to drastically improve your sleeping habits, lower stress levels and heart disease risk, relieve pain, boost your productivity and improve relationships, <a href="http://www.mydomainehome.com.au/health-benefits-of-ten-minute-meditation/" target="_blank">studies show</a>. You should also give yourself at least one day a month that’s <a href="/health/mind/2016/07/what-over60s-get-up-to-in-their-spare-time/" target="_blank">all about you</a> – pampering, indulging and relaxing. If getting even one day is difficult, ask a loved one to take over for just a few hours or consider hiring a part-time carer. You may be surprised to learn how easy and affordable<a href="/health/caring/2016/04/tips-to-for-finding-short-term-carer-help/" target="_blank"></a> it can be. Support You devote days, weeks, months and even years to looking after your loved one, but who looks after you? It can be all too easy to get so deeply invested in being a carer that you forget that you yourself need care, too. We all need someone to vent to, to cry and laugh with. And, as important as it is to maintain relationships with friends and family, it might be useful to connect with others who can truly understand what you’re going through – because they’re going through it as well. Contacting your local carer’s support group could be exactly what you need. Carers New Zealand have groups located all over the country, offering confidential and constructive support. <a href="http://www.carers.net.nz/services-support" target="_blank">Click here</a> to learn more about the groups available near you. Distraction When it all gets too much, we need something to take our minds off caregiving and focus on something completely fun and mindless. Whether it’s watching your favourite TV show, kicking back with a book, playing a game on your phone or going for a nice long walk, distraction is often the best solution – at least in the short-term. Make the most of your free time by exploring <a href="/lifestyle/retirement-life/2016/04/5-new-hobbies-to-try-now/" target="_blank">new hobbies</a>, <a href="/lifestyle/retirement-life/2016/05/free-online-resources-for-education/" target="_blank">learning a new skill</a>, <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/websites-to-help-you-make-friends/" target="_blank">meeting new people</a> or just spending some <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/you-shouldnt-feel-guilty-prioritising-yourself/" target="_blank">quality time alone</a>. Tell us in the comments below, are you a carer? What do you like to do in your “me” time after a long day of caregiving? Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/how-to-get-the-best-hospital-care/">How to get the best hospital care</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/8-surprising-things-that-increase-life-expectancy/">8 surprising things that increase life expectancy</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/tips-to-cope-with-losing-independence-with-age/">Tips to cope with losing independence with age</a>

Caring

Driving with dementia

When is the right time to stop driving? It’s a question <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/when-to-stop-driving/" target="_blank">we’ve asked before</a>, but how about when dementia is a factor? That’s what aged care expert <a href="http://www.profjoe.com.au/" target="_blank">Professor Joseph E. Ibrahim</a> from Monash University set out to explore in his video “Driving with Dementia”. In it, he recounts the story of a newly-diagnosed Alzheimer’s patient whom he convinces to stop driving, only to find it doesn’t quite work out the way he’d hoped. “This animated video addresses the myriad of complex issues involved in assessing whether a person with dementia is fit to drive,” Professor Ibrahim <a href="http://www.profjoe.com.au/all-cases-list/driving-with-dementia/" target="_blank">said</a>. “We hope that it will engage the audience and generate discussion amongst the general public and health professionals to help us all be better informed.” Have you ever been in this situation before with a loved one? Share your experience with us in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/when-to-stop-driving/">The right time for elderly loved ones to stop driving</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/09/tips-to-cope-with-losing-independence-with-age/">Tips to cope with losing independence with age</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/08/new-invention-prevents-dementia-patients-wandering-off/">New invention prevents dementia patients wandering off</a>

Caring

16 things I would want, if I get dementia

Rachael Wonderlin is the director of Memory Care at Blue Harbour Senior Living in the US. She has been working with the elderly since the age of 15 and has eight years’ experience as a carer for dementia patients. When you work in dementia care, people tend to ask you a lot of questions. Probably one of the most common questions that I hear is, “Are you afraid to get dementia when you’re older?” Honestly, there are many things that scare me much more than dementia does. Don’t get me wrong: dementia is a terrible group of diseases. I've been fortunate, however, to see many of the beautiful moments that people with dementia can experience. Just in case I do get dementia, I've written a list of rules I’d like to live by. If I get dementia, I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. If I get dementia… <ol> <li>If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.</li> <li>If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am. </li> <li>If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends. </li> <li>If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past. </li> <li>If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me. </li> <li>If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated. </li> <li>If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live. </li> <li>If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault. </li> <li>If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favourite music playing within earshot. </li> <li>If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original places. </li> <li>If I get dementia, don't exclude me from parties and family gatherings. </li> <li>If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes. </li> <li>If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love.</li> </ol> To read more from Rachael, <a href="http://www.dementia-by-day.com/" target="_blank">click here</a>. First appeared on <a href="http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2014/12/16-things-i-would-want-if-i-get-dementia.html" target="_blank">Alzheimer’s Reading Room</a>. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/poem-captures-pain-of-alzheimers/">Beautiful poem captures the pain of Alzheimer’s</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/this-mobile-game-is-helping-fight-dementia/">This mobile game is helping fight dementia</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/alzheimers-patient-recognises-daughter/">The moment an Alzheimer’s patient recognises daughter</a>

Caring

Young and old live together in harmony in Dutch aged care home

Could you imagine living with a group of university students in your old age? It might sound strange, but intergenerational living is changing lives in this Dutch aged care home. Together, these students and their elderly companions are learning, living and, most importantly, having fun – despite the 60-odd age gap. The Humanitas aged care home in Deventer in the Netherlands offers rent-free accommodation to six students in return for 30 hours a month of socialisation with the home’s residents. Watch the video above to see how the arrangement is solving both the student housing crisis and improving the lives of otherwise lonely aged care patients. What do you think about this program? Would it work here in New Zealand? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below. Video: Dateline / SBS Related links: <a href="/news/news/2016/07/89-year-old-uses-computer-course-to-connect-with-family/">89-year-old becomes tech-savvy master to connect with family across the globe</a> <a href="/news/news/2016/07/grandparents-share-secrets-to-a-happy-marriage/">Grandparents share their adorable 5 secrets to a happy marriage</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/07/nursing-homes-are-helping-residents-find-love/">Nursing homes are helping residents find love</a>

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How to care for ageing parents from far away

When you live far away from an ageing parent, visiting them regularly can be expensive and time-consuming. As a result, relationships can become fractured and resentment can grow. Therefore, as our parents enter their 80s and beyond, it’s more important than ever to ensure the channels of communication are open and strong. Thankfully, it’s never been easier to maintain contact and offer support to loved ones when distance is a factor. Establish links with members of their local community Whether they’re still living at home or have moved to an aged care facility, it’s essential to make and maintain contact with your parents’ friends, doctors, health care professionals and other community members. Our parents always have a tend to downplay things, so having an outside opinion is a great way to ensure you know what’s really going on. Get help Sometimes it simply isn’t feasible to uproot your life and move thousands of kilometres away to be with your parents, even if you feel like they need help. If this is the case, consider asking one of their friends to help out with small tasks, or, if they need more help around the house, it might be a good idea to engage a cleaning service once a week. If it’s clear that they are beginning to struggle with personal care, consider hiring a professional carer. While this isn’t necessarily cheap, they can be employed on a casual basis and won’t set you back nearly as much as if you moved over to help your parents yourself. Take advantage of technology Thanks to the ubiquity of smartphones, tablets, computers and wireless internet, there’s no excuse for not staying in contact with your loved ones. It’s always a good idea to teach your parents the basics of using these technologies, or have someone in their local community give them some pointers. Knowing that you’re just a call – or video call! – away will be very reassuring. Take every opportunity to see them It’s not always realistic to think you’ll be able to visit your parents regularly. So, make sure you take advantage of every opportunity to do so. Holidays, birthdays and other special occasions are a fantastic excuse for a big family get together. You’ll notice how much more treasured these occasions will become to you and your family given that they occur less often. As they say, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Do you live far away from your parents? Tell us in the comment section below, how do you look after them from a distance? Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/18-great-quotes-about-ageing/">18 great quotes about ageing</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/ageing-tips-for-singles/">Navigating the path of ageing as a single</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/">The 4 negative feelings every caregiver experiences</a>

Caring

The long goodbye: Alzheimer’s disease

Jenni Ogden, 68, is the author of Fractured Minds and Trouble In Mind and her first novel, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27037952-a-drop-in-the-ocean" target="_blank">A Drop In The Ocean</a>, was published this May. She lives on Great Barrier Island in New Zealand. Last night I watched a re-run of the beautiful movie, Away From Her with Julie Christie playing the role of Fiona, as she loses her memory and her independence, but not her warmth and gentleness. The film is based on Alice Munro's short story "The Bear Came Over the Mountain," later re-released in novella form as Away From Her. I saw the film years ago, when it was first released, and recommended it to my postgraduate clinical neuropsychology class. I would do so again if I were still teaching. Gordon Pinsent plays the role of Fiona's husband, a retired academic whose love for Fiona and his dependence on her for his happiness is tarnished by the guilt of his own past affairs. When Fiona starts to wander, she makes the decision to live in a nursing home where she can be cared for safely. As her dementia progresses, she forgets her who her husband is and transfers her affections to another man; a patient in the nursing home. As Gordon watches, often from the sidelines, she drifts away, leaving him alone with his long goodbye. How true to life is this beautifully written and filmed version of one of the most cruel and common of diseases, Alzheimer's Dementia (AD)? On the surface, few Alzheimer's patients are as beautiful in their sixties and seventies as Julie Christie. Yet there is reality here: in the early stages of AD, people retain their social skills and their care for their personal appearance and hygiene. I remember an occasion when I was working in the clinical research hospital at MIT, mistaking the husband of a couple sitting in the waiting room for the AD patient. He looked old, somewhat unkempt and grumpy, whilst his wife was beautifully made up, elegantly dressed, and greeted me warmly with a firm handshake. She was in the early middle stages of AD, already with significant memory loss, and beginning to wander. He was a highly intelligent and healthy retiree! Keeping AD patients at home in a familiar environment for as long as possible is generally considered to be the best thing to do – for the AD sufferer at least – as this provides cues for their memory and thus decreases their confusion. In the film, Fiona went into a nursing home rather early. That this was largely at her own insistence, makes this an unusual scenario. Most elderly patients understandably fight against being taken from their home for as long as they are able. For them, this must be the proof that their end – and a frightening and drawn-out one at that – is unavoidable. For families, moving their parent or grandparent into a nursing home is painful and guilt-ridden, yet there is an underlying sigh of relief. The responsibility and stress caused by caring day in and day out for someone with advancing AD is enormous. Often the burden of nursing falls on the woman, and children in the family can be disturbed by their AD family member's behaviours – often including paranoia, inappropriate behaviour such as walking naked outside, and temper tantrums. Many research studies have shown that the family carers – usually women – of AD patients have a significantly higher rate of clinical depression than other adults of a similar age and socio-economic group. So Fiona's loving determination to go into a nursing home before she became too demented gives food for thought. The nursing home's tough rule that new patients could see no-one from their family for the first month to allow them to “settle in” may also be a sound one. In AD, if there are no memory cues around, and the patient is kept occupied, this may reduce the confusion and stress that flashes of memory may cause. In Fiona's story, after 30 days in the nursing home, she no longer recognises her husband. Such a rapid memory deterioration is unusual, but certainly more likely after a month with no contact with her past. Fiona's sweet and gentle personality stayed with her while her memory disappeared, although she became sad and depressed when her new man friend left the nursing home. Depression is common in the early stages of AD but as the dementia worsens and the patient loses insight, the depression usually lifts. If we had followed Fiona for longer, her personality would have changed and her sweetness might have been punctuated by delusions, paranoia, apathy, and emotional outbursts. In real life, the decision of whether and when to place an AD relative in a nursing home is one of the most difficult decisions the family and the AD sufferer will have to make. It will be “informed” by financial considerations, how good the nursing home is, and how difficult it is for the family to care for their AD relative so that they will be safe, and the family will not be fractured. Family counselling from the time the AD person is diagnosed can make this later transition less stressful for everyone, and give the AD sufferer control over their lives for as long as possible. Even control over small parts of their lives can make an enormous difference to their dignity, and give the family ways they can show their love and respect. Sadly, as the dementia worsens, it is the family who needs counselling: the long goodbye that is a hallmark of AD is synonymous with the grieving process. (Another beautiful novel that gives insights into the human side of AD is Still Alice by Lisa Genova. A chapter in my book Trouble In Mind tells the story of Sophie and how she took control of her life choices and the memories she wanted to leave for her family.) First appeared on <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/" target="_blank">Psychology Today.</a> To find out more about Jenni, please visit her <a href="http://www.jenniogden.com/" target="_blank">website here.</a> Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/poem-captures-pain-of-alzheimers/">Beautiful poem captures the pain of Alzheimer’s</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/alzheimers-patient-recognises-daughter/">The moment an Alzheimer’s patient recognises daughter</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/communicating-with-people-with-dementia/">Communicating with people with dementia</a>

Caring

Silent symptoms of caregiver burnout

Caregiving is undoubtedly one of the hardest and most selfless acts you can ever perform for another person, but sadly it can take its toll. If you’re feeling tired, moody or even resentful, it’s time to step back and reassess your situation. Sometimes these emotions can creep up on you without you even knowing until burnout has well and truly set in. Here are five signs you must keep an eye out for when caring for a loved one. <ol> <li>You don’t feel like socialising – Spending so much time with one person can be a struggle for many people, even if that person is a loved one.</li> <li>You’ve lost interest in your hobbies – Caregiving is both physically and mentally draining, so it’s natural to feel a lack of energy or desire to engage in your interests.</li> <li>You’re having depressive or suicidal thoughts – As soon as these thoughts come into your head, it’s time to speak to someone. Whether it’s a loved one or a mental health professional, it’s important to realise that you can overcome these negative thoughts.</li> <li>Your diet has changed – Has your appetite completely vanished? Perhaps you’re eating much more than you used to? Both extremes are possible as a result of caregiver stress.</li> <li>You have trouble sleeping – Whether it’s falling asleep, staying asleep or getting up in the morning, sometimes the burden of responsibility can negatively impact your sleeping patterns.</li> <li>Your immune system is weak – <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-the-mind-heals-the-body/201411/how-stress-affects-the-immune-system" target="_blank">Studies</a> have shown that stress can actually wreak havoc on your immunity and could in fact responsible for 90 per cent of all diseases and illness – even cancer.</li> </ol> Do any of these apply to you? If so, you’re not alone. Caregiver stress is incredibly common, especially if you aren’t receiving any help sharing the responsibility with other loved ones. Fortunately, there are ways you can combat caregiver burnout. <ul> <li>Get help for yourself – Having someone to unload all your worries on can be extremely therapeutic. If you don’t feel comfortable chatting about it to a friend or family member, your doctor can refer you to a mental health professional who can give you practical tips on overcoming these issues.</li> <li>Get help for your loved one – <a href="/health/caring/2016/02/splitting-the-caring-of-a-loved-one-with-siblings/" target="_blank">Splitting the care of your loved one</a> with other family members can help ease the burden of looking after them. If you can afford it, consider hiring a professional carer<a href="/health/caring/2016/04/tips-to-for-finding-short-term-carer-help/" target="_blank"></a> or, if you think it’s necessary, moving them to an aged care facility<a href="/health/caring/2016/04/right-time-to-look-at-aged-care/" target="_blank"></a>.</li> <li>Find a way to relax – it’s always a good idea to have something just for yourself when things are tough. A nice warm bath or solitary stroll could be enough to lower your stress levels. Even <a href="/health/mind/2016/05/5-household-chores-that-reduce-stress/" target="_blank">doing chores</a> around the house can be relaxing, experts believe.</li> </ul> What tips do you have for other caregivers? Share them with us in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/signs-of-elderly-abuse-and-neglect/">Signs your elderly loved one is suffering abuse or neglect</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/caring-for-someone-with-depression/">How to care for someone with depression</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/">The 4 negative feelings every caregiver experiences</a>

Caring

4 tips to deal with stubbornness as your parents age

If your parents seem to become more and more stubborn as they age, don’t despair, you are not alone. A new study by Penn State was recently published in the Journals of Gerontology: Psychology Sciences which explored stubbornness and the struggle for independence many older adults face as they try to maintain the life they had and the people they were. As explained in a <a href="http://news.psu.edu/story/342263/2015/01/27/research/communication-key-when-dealing-aging-parents" target="_blank">Penn State News</a> article, Three-fourths of children and two-thirds of aging parents in the sample say that stubborn behaviour such as insisting, resisting or persisting is happening sometimes. From the findings of this research we have come up with some top tips to best deal with stubborn behaviour. 1. Understand why there is stubbornness If there is a conversation that keeps getting a stubborn response you need to change the way you talk about it or get to the heart of why there is resistance for example is it the way you are addressing the issue or the actual topic itself. Understanding why parents may be “insisting, resisting, or persisting in their ways or opinions,” the study reads, can lead to better communication. Zarit who conducted the study’s advice to the adult child: “Do not pick arguments. Do not make a parent feel defensive. Plant an idea, step back, and bring it up later. Be patient.” 2. Don’t take it personally The study also found that that adult children link perceptions of parent stubbornness with how children see their relationships with their parents, but parents link their perceptions to who they are as people. The strong desire older people have to hold onto their independence is often the driving force behind stubbornness and not a reaction to the children and /or what they are suggesting. 3. Talk about goals Speak openly about the goals you both have, especially when it comes to care options this includes long term goals such as staying at home vs residential aged care and short term goals on the day to day running of their lives. Allison Heid, project director, New Jersey Institute for Successful Aging, Rowan University School of Osteopathic Medicine and recent Penn State Ph.D. recipient comments on this "Helping families learn how to talk about older adults' preferences and about goal differences may be important in helping families best support older adults," 4. Keep lines of communication open Don’t be scared off by stubborn and resistant responses and think there is no way to get through to ageing parents. It is par for the course as their life stage transitions from independence to dependence and as Heid explains "For families providing support to an older adult, this work confirms that these behaviours happen, but also that there is room for continued communication to ensure that there are shared goals in care and support." How do you deal with head-strong people? Share your tips with us in the comments below. First appeared on <a href="http://www.careseekers.com.au/" target="_blank">Careseekers.com.au.</a> Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/18-great-quotes-about-ageing/">18 great quotes about ageing</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/when-to-stop-driving/">The right time for elderly loved ones to stop driving</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/">The 4 negative feelings every caregiver experiences</a>

Caring

Caring for someone with a terminal illness

It’s a fact of life that most of us will experience terminal illness in some way or another – whether we have to endure it first-hand or are called upon to help another through their journey, it’s never going to be easy. The best that we can do is look after one another, offer as much help as possible and accept support when we are in need ourselves. It’s important to remember that as difficult as it may be for you to come to terms with a loved one’s terminal illness diagnosis, it’s even harder for them. For most terminally ill people, normalcy is all they want. Your relationship doesn’t have to change and you don’t need to tread on eggshells around them – they are still the same person they always were. Fortunately, there are two main ways you can ease the journey for your sick loved one: practical solutions like taking them for treatment or helping out with the groceries and more emotional support like providing them with a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Some patients want to cling to their everyday life as much as possible, so if they insist on continuing their day-to-day chores, you should respect that wish. On the other hand, emotional support should be ongoing from the moment of diagnosis until the sadly inevitable end. Talking to them about your favourite memories together, joking with them and keeping conversations light-hearted is a great way to start. Rather than mourning the loss of your loved one before they’re even gone, celebrate your time together while you still can. You don’t want to look back on this hard time and think, “why didn’t I make the most of the time we had at the end?” It’s also important to realise that if you’re the primary caregiver of someone who is terminally ill, it’s possible you will feel some feelings of negativity towards them. It may sound harsh, but it’s completely normal to feel resentment towards your loved one, and it doesn’t make you a bad person – if anything, it proves how much you care for and love them. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that there are ways you can overcome these negative emotions, and that these feelings will eventually pass. <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/" target="_blank">Click here</a> for some more information on dealing with the negative emotions of caregiving. What advice do you have for people in this situation? Share your wisdom with those who need it in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/the-4-negative-feelings-every-caregiver-experiences/">The 4 negative feelings every caregiver experiences</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/caring-for-someone-with-depression/">How to care for someone with depression</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/05/you-shouldnt-feel-guilty-prioritising-yourself/">Why you shouldn’t feel guilty for prioritising yourself</a>

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