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Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Unlike Britain’s royal family, most of us don’t have the option to move to another country when we don’t see eye to eye. But most of us have likely experienced disagreements with loved ones. <a href="https://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/soc/faculty/heritage/Site/Publications_files/CA_as_SOCIAL_THEORY.pdf">Conversations are designed to</a> do things – to start some action, and complete it – whether it’s a service transaction, an invitation to coffee or reassurance on a bad day. Our <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZnhyDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false">uniquely complex communicative system</a> has evolved to help us get things done in the social world. Arguments are part of this complex system. They can be unavoidable, necessary or even productive. But they can also be difficult. It can be hard to know what to do when tensions are high and harsh words are flying, particularly when it involves someone you’re close to. But research on how disputes unfold – and conversation more generally – offers some ideas about the best way to handle one. <h2>What is a dispute?</h2> There are many words for disagreeing, and there are plenty of academic theories describing what disputes are and why they happen. But arguments are not abstract models. They’re lived in, breathed in, sweated in and talked (or sometimes shouted) into being. Research focusing on <a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/288351315.pdf">how disputes actually happen</a> shows they’re characterised by three types of features. First are the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606000488">vocal features</a>, which include talking in a higher pitch, louder and faster. Then, there are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1750481310395452?casa_token=MCNQWEQD6HwAAAAA:8nbyXh-cgjWzfL3syRrwybRFQl_ddHIMy9tRIAwPRAFADrgHtR2LSl9ZoUFsVlnzWPjWaKQZZ9XEVA">embodied features</a> such as aggressive gestures and avoidant stances, such as turning away from someone. Finally, there are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/01638539009544746?casa_token=BB9edpIE1oUAAAAA:FTK-JRJ2oCmG7BufkUAQX1k1_9C1Cvc12r5ynYPM6duFB-HDWhgef8Va-Rh5Z2XksR64oTcPmi4FAQ">interactional features</a> such as talking over each other, not listening or metatalk – <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=isJl2NJbSIkAAAAA:Mh-dXMfkBSGvEeoOWAoxLDjzbZ_eF-zbND-D8q4RAP5WHadqg1KUZDF_UnySFAcyb3LD-DF3BbGq1A">comments about the conversation</a> as it’s happening. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1354067X9953001?casa_token=Gje17vkyg_AAAAAA:ik_4Ze-4PIFLa6yjthOpztvJrtdVOokhRT73M8jDN4t1w0Bl7WzW2--d1vjZwanphorOH_r6jaVZdA">Displays of emotion</a> such as displeasure or anger, are also common. Participants might accuse each other of emotions or label their own emotions. Disputes happen for several reasons. What each person is doing can vary, from <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.530.8869&rep=rep1&type=pdf">complaints and accusations</a> to <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1348/014466610X500791?casa_token=r58ikQ5XFxEAAAAA:QR9wr0Fcz7q5BeSvL8soAIhKMNA1O9TcpcBaLleBKDvZ8Q5sPyX1OSg0OzSL5-xb8By5QbgNm9kHNhg">demands, threats or resistance</a>. They can be about many things – familial obligations, what to have for dinner, politics or how to plan a holiday. Luckily, disputes share elements <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2NxaC7nSetAC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false">with each other</a> and with conversation generally – so you don’t have to invent new strategies every time you’re caught in one. <h2>Affiliation and alignment</h2> When bickering with a friend or family member, there are ways to make them feel like you’re still on their side even if you disagree. If you can keep these in mind, and use them at the right time, you might stop your dispute from escalating into something harder to mend. The first thing is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781405198431.wbeal0196.pub2">affiliation</a>, which means support for the other person or their view of things. Affiliation involves phrasing what you say so it’s best <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351810903471258?casa_token=yxnWxfDAEB8AAAAA:uoHEX2dlOS06wxwlHH7TOWmmfB51qMMbzg5tadx5SeRcf_5-vABUKQZtIt0Hchu4vUlFNfCX4qRi5A">understood and easier to respond to</a>. For example, saying “you’ve been to France before, right?” invites someone to share their experience – partly by including the tag “right” at the end, which at least requires a confirmation. It can also involve categorisation, the way we talk about or treat others as <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF00142771.pdf">certain types or group members</a>. For example, if you reduce the other person to a stereotype through labelling – by saying something like “girls always say stuff like that” or “OK, boomer” – you risk provoking a response to the insult, not to the action in which that insult was embedded. The second thing we expect from any conversation is alignment – cooperating with the direction of the conversation, such as accepting or denying a request. The opposite, disalignment, might occur when a request is ignored. Alignment has more to do with the sequence of the conversation, how the dispute unfolds over time. Asking for clarification – a practice known as <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0136100">repair</a> – or <a href="https://www.jbe-platform.com/content/journals/10.1075/prag.27.1.03rob?crawler=true">claiming a misunderstanding</a> can treat problems as fixable errors rather than moral failings or attacks. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0261927X17744244">Humour can diffuse</a> conflict escalation. <h2>How to have a healthy dispute</h2> In the course of a dispute, you need to think about when to bring these tactics out. They’re more likely to yield better outcomes earlier in the dispute. By the time it’s escalated, your responses may be viewed through the prism of the dispute and <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=eFSXDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT200&ots=6tM3fJnXr1&sig=Zchtur1abh25W7ERN5Q49ASRaJc#v=onepage&q&f=false">any offensiveness</a> you’ve already displayed toward each other. In cases like this, teasing can come across as contempt, for example, and claims to misunderstand as bad-faith mockery. It can feel like disputes take on a life of their own – as if the conversation uses us rather than we use it – and this is partly because conversation can seemingly take us along for the ride (consider the difficulty of turning down invitations). We invest our identities into conversations so disputes can seem to threaten us and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=1SbOpn_2k8MAAAAA:YQ2Yb9nt-ONsmBKmVzTCx8cfl76bS5nK6_Yd8zONBVJFdJ57vwgdBDJxsXfk0aUOhilRQAF-ABA">what we stand for</a> morally. This may be starker with family, whose opinions of us often matter more than friends or colleagues, for example. It’s always worth stopping to reflect on what a dispute is really for, whether what you’re saying lines up with your goals and whether taking a stand is worth it.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159565/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/arguing-with-the-people-you-love-how-to-have-a-healthy-family-dispute-159565">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Heavily pregnant mum and disabled child kicked off plane

Siobhan Foster, her husband, and their disabled child were kicked off their flight after she was accused of being "aggressive" by a flight attendant. Foster, who is seven months pregnant, was onboard an easyJet flight to Ibiza to celebrate her brother's wedding. She struggled to find room for her carry-on in the overhead baggage compartment, so she asked a flight attendant to help her find space, but the response was reportedly "a sharp ‘Clearly Not’", which eventually led to a dispute. When things escalated, all 180 passengers were eventually told to disembark. One of Foster's outraged friends posted the <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/23859832/easyjet-passengers-kicked-off-pregnant-mum-stewardess-fight/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">video</a> on social media, and the Newtonabbey mum was seen collecting hand luggage while struggling to carry her toddler. “We’re being thrown off the plane today because of somebody thinking they’re better than everyone else,” the friend said. The easyJet stewardess responded: “Bye, bye bye," as the upset family walked down the stairs. Foster took to Facebook to complain about her experience with "sleezy jet". “So, I asked could you help me find somewhere, her reply was ‘You’ll need to find somewhere yourself’ even though there literally was nowhere," she wrote. She then claimed that she asked for help again, because she was heavily pregnant, to which the flight attendant allegedly said: "You’re being abusive and it’s not my job to help you.” Another flight attendant reportedly backed up her co-worker, but Foster argued that other airlines have been more helpful as she is pregnant. “Writing this, I understand it would make you think was I being abusive, but I honestly wasn’t and the whole plane can vouch for me,” Foster wrote. “People were actually putting this on [Facebook] about how bad I was treated.” After eventually finding a place for her bag, the pregnant mum was allegedly confronted by two other crew members who also accused her of being “aggressive.” Foster decided to ignore them because she was "crying" and "so upset," but the flight attendant reportedly started raising her voice. They were then kicked off, and were told it was because of Foster's aggression, but when Foster’s mum and brother asked for an exact reason, the crew members allegedly couldn't give them a direct response. After an hour, everyone had to disembark and the family were met by eight police officers and two Swissport employees and were told they would not be allowed back on the flight, despite other passengers being allowed back in. “So, that whole day we were in Belfast airport from one lunchtime to nine that night with our child, my legs were so swollen and sore with being on them all this time I was crying uncontrollably that this was happening to us for no reason whatsoever. “I’m so traumatized to the point I don’t know how I’ll ever fly again,” she wrote on Facebook. EasyJet has denied any wrongdoing and a spokesperson told the Daily Mail that "a group of passengers were "behaving disruptively." “EasyJet’s cabin crew and ground agents are trained to assess and evaluate all situations and to act quickly and appropriately to ensure that the safety of the flight and other passengers is not compromised at any time. “The Captain took the decision to ask all passengers on the flight to return to the terminal so the situation could be resolved and as soon as it was they re-boarded and the aircraft continued to Ibiza.” Despite the incident, the Foster family eventually made it to Ibiza the next day, just in time for the wedding, after catching a RyanAir flight out of Dublin. “Thankfully we got to Ibiza and made my brother’s wedding to say how stressed, upset, and overwhelmed I’ve been I honestly think I’ve no words,” she wrote. “EasyJet should be ashamed of themselves and I most definitely am taking this further, I’m still in shock of how we were treated especially being seven months pregnant and having a disabled child with us.” Images: Facebook

Travel Trouble

How to deal with losing touch with grandkids

Losing contact with your grandchild, or perhaps more accurately getting cut off from them, is perhaps the worst thing that can happen to grandparents but unfortunately, it happens and it’s on the rise. Each situation leading up to an estrangement is different but it commonly occurs after the marital breakdown of parents. The family conflict ripples out and grandparents are unfairly, but often collateral damage. The emotional toll it takes can be immense and heart-breaking but what can be done? Repair relationships Family conflict occurs and is exacerbated by poor communication. The best way to begin amends is to build bridges. Even if you’ve been unfairly hurt, remember this person is still your grandchild’s parent. It can be difficult but you need to respect that. Apologise – Be sincere. No caveats or justifications. You might not have done anything wrong or you might not even know what you did wrong to cause this rift but this is not a time for egos or personal pride. Remember this is the father or mother of your grandchild and they are the parents. They may have made mistakes but they are still the parents. Make peace for the sake of making peace and to mend the relationship, because if you want to see grandchildren, you will need a relationship with both parents. Make it about the child – Parents going through a separation or divorce are often wrapped in their own conflicts. Yet parents will hopefully do what is best for their child. It might be self-evident that grandparents are good for children but this might not be obvious to parents who have been through emotional turmoil, bitterness and separation. Approach in a sensitive, non-accusatory and non-judgemental way and explain the importance and usefulness of grandparents to children. Remind them the positive role you have taken in the past and that grandparents are not only a source of comfort to children in difficult times but can be the rock of stability in these trying times. You can offer practical help like picking up from school as well as reminding that keeping in touch will help children’s sense of family identity and history. Talk it out – Sometimes your children (and in-laws) simply have no idea that their parents are feeling so devastated and grief-stricken. They might not have considered the effects of their behaviour on others or presumed you would take your child’s side. Reassure them that you don’t want to take sides, just that you want what is best for your grandchild. Seek legal help This should be the last option because starting legal action will almost always end any hope of repairing the relationship between parents and grandparents. Even so, there is no guarantee that going through the courts will provide a happy outcome. Within our current legal system, grandparents do not have an automatic right to have a relationship with a grandchild. According to Legal Aid NSW, anyone who has an ongoing relationship with the child, or any other person who can show that they are concerned with the care, welfare or development of a child (including grandparents) may apply to the Court for Parenting Orders. A Parenting Order can be an order that you can spend time with or communicate with the child. It will be up to the Court to decide what will happen, based on what is in the child’s best interests. Image: Getty

Family & Pets

Finding a legal resolution through mediation

To say legal disputes can get messy is quite an understatement. And court is the last place you want to be with someone that you were previously close with. The good news is that there are alternatives. We’re going to look at mediation, an effective legal process that can be used to handle complicated disputes when there’s a need to preserve the relationship. We’re going to look at the ins and outs of this process, so you can figure out whether or not it’s in your best interest for your particular dispute. What is mediation? In a basic sense, mediation is a structured negotiation process with a third party involved. The third, independent party is known as the mediator and is brought in to help assist the groups identify and assess the different options they have for resolving disputes. Mediation is useful if there is a need for parties to find a way to preserve their relationship and the possibility that a judge’s decision won’t resolve the dispute. It also has the following advantages: <ul> <li>Time – mediation tends to resolve disputes much quicker than a trial.</li> <li>Cost – mediation avoids the costs of preparing and running a trial entirely.</li> <li>Flexibility – mediation gives both parties more control over the outcome. </li> <li>Stress – mediation is less formal, and a much more relaxed environment.</li> <li>Confidentiality – mediation by its nature is private and a judge is not informed.</li> <li>Satisfaction – because both parties have had an influence in the decisions it’s more likely to please everybody.</li> <li>Finality – the settlement can only be modified with agreement of all parties.</li> </ul> How does it work? Basically, before a mediation commences, the mediator will consult both parties with a view to figure out the best process for coming to a dispute. This will also generally involve a discussion about the background of the matter and issues involved. The process itself is flexible and tailored to the circumstances. Mediators may assist the flow of negotiations and offer different perspectives. In the end if the parties come to an agreement the matter is settled in full or in part or if a conclusion is unable to be reached a trial may be necessary depending on the circumstances of the dispute. Have you ever found yourself in a legal dispute and how did you cope? Do you think mediation is an option you might look into exploring now? Image: Shutterstock

Legal

Man fined thousands for unsolicited pruning in neighbourly dispute

When one New Zealand man’s quest for extra sunshine in his bedroom saw him turn his neighbour’s line of trees into stumps, he didn’t expect that it would come with an eyewatering fine. The devastated neighbour took the imprudent gardener to small claims court, where it was found the man, referred to as HL, had trespassed on his neighbours property. The recently released Disputes Tribunal decision said HL had “practically removed” seven Ake Ake trees and several Elaegnus shrubs from his neighbours’ property, the <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/man-ordered-to-pay-neighbours-7k-for-cutting-their-trees-without-permission/ZFSMBS3EUKKE7AEMEWQKQCQO4I/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">NZ Herald</a> reported. HL was ordered to pay his neighbours, referred to as LG and KG, a hefty $NZD 7478 to replace the trees and cover legal costs. The man admitted he cut the trees but claimed he did it after he and LG agreed they needed to be topped, adding that LG had picked the height at which HL should cut. But LG strongly denied the exchange, stating he had only acknowledged that the trees were hanging over HL’s property and needed trimming. “LG said there was a discussion about how they were to do it, that HL had a chainsaw and that LG would help him trim the overhanging branches and pay the tip fees,” the court decision said. Instead, the tribunal found that HL cut the trees and shrubs without the permission of LG and KG, and did so while they were away from their property for about 45 minutes. With HL unable to prove his version of events, the tribunal accepted LG’s evidence that he only discussed trimming back the overhanging branches with HL. “It does not make sense that LG would agree to taking height off the top of the trees, as that would result in a loss of privacy for him and his wife. THe only party who benefitted from the trees being topped was HL.” Photographs were also submitted to the tribunal, which said that it was impossible for the trees to have simply been topped based on the images. “Topping denotes the removal of the top part of the trees, but implies that some, or perhaps most, of the tree is left to grow. The pictures show that in some cases there are only stumps left, while other trees show some longer level of trunk with trimmed branches. “The pictures do not show that the trees have been trimmed, but rather practically removed.” Image: Getty Images

Legal

Top causes of neighbour disputes

While living in close proximity to others can often foster close community, it can also bring out the worst in people. Some neighbours can be itching for confrontation by complaining about seemingly trivial things that can turn into a full blown neighbourhood spat. From disagreements about a home’s exterior to noisy furry friends, here are the top causes for disputes with a neighbour. Fences From 2018 to 2021, the Community Justice Centre in Sydney received 16,377 inquiries related to neighbourhood disputes, with fences sparking 13 per cent of those complaints, more than any other cause of dispute. According to the law, neighbours must agree on a “sufficient dividing fence” and pay half the cost each. The main issue comes from neighbours being unable to agree on what is deemed “sufficient”. Also, when it comes to repairs, there are often major disputes about which neighbour on which side of the fence will front the costs. Trees and hedges According to the Community Justice Centre in Sydney, tree and plant complaints made up over 12 percent of complaints from neighbours. While plants and trees can look beautiful, they often come with a range of issues, such as blocking gutters and falling branches, that come with a heavy cost to repair. “These are expensive arguments if the neighbours do not find an agreed solution,” says Rochelle Castro, strata lawyer at RC and Co Lawyers. Noisy neighbours Home schooling, renovations and working from home have all aided in the increase of noise complaints from neighbours over the last two years. “With more people working from home, there was an increase in the number of pollution reports to EPA about environmental incidents, particularly noise, dust and smoke issues in 2020-2021,” says a representative from the Environment Protection Authority in Victoria. Before Covid, these normal noise complaints would not have had as much of an impact, but with people stuck in their homes for months on end, the complaints started to grow. During 2020-2021, noise complaints to the EPA rose by a huge 108 per cent in Victoria, one of the most locked-down states in the country. “Before, building work wouldn’t have annoyed them. But given they’re now working from home, they have to take conference calls while home renovations are happening next door,” says principal lawyer at Progressive Legal Ian Aldridge. Problem pets During the pandemic, dog ownership rose approximately 19 percent according to the Animal Medicines Australia’s new Pets and Pandemic report. While our furry friends are definitely cute companions, they can also be noisey. These late night barks can often be a point of contention with neighbours, but if neighbours engage in healthy conversation and resolve disputes with ease, confrontation can be avoided. Image credits: Getty Images

Real Estate

Experts dispute Endeavour discovery

Two international groups are at odds over the authenticity of the Australian National Maritime Museum's (ANMM) controversial announcement that it has found the HMB Endeavour.The ANMM says the 22-year search for Captain Cook's ship has ended with confirmation its submerged wreckage was found in Newport Harbour in the US state of Rhode Island. However, the museum and its research partners the Rhode Island Marine Archaeology Project (RIMAP) who conducted the search have said the announcment came prematurely.Author and Captain Cook biographer Rob Mundle has said the disagreement between the two groups means it is too early to definitively say if the famous vessel has been located, even if the signs are promising. "I think that if both sides don't come out as one, then we ain't got anything to be too excited about at the moment," Mr Mundle told <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-02-04/question-marks-over-endeavour-find-says-captain-cook-expert/100803474" target="_blank" rel="noopener">ABC Radio National</a>."There are certain elements there that would suggest that it's Endeavour, and there's nothing really to say that it's not Endeavour.""But until we find something that says, 'Yes there is no doubt whatsoever that this is Endeavour', then I think there is a question mark hanging over it."While Mr Mundle said most of the Endeavour's original materials would be lost to time, he believes that finding one of the distinguishing bricks used to keep heat in the ship's kicthen would be a sure sign of its identity. "If someone came up with one those bricks, which you'd expect they would be able to, then I think that would be enough, I think, to confirm that it is Endeavour," he said.Despite his claims, University of Sydney marine shipwreck expert Dr Natali Pearson has a "high degree of confidence" in the find, after working with the ANMM and its researchers. Dr Pearson believes that confirming the resting place of the "celebrity shipwreck" is the perfect opportunity to discuss the everlasting impact of the Endeavour's actions on Indigenous Australians. "Of more value for historians and archaeologists, however, are wrecks that change how we understand the past, that shed new light on ancient trading networks or ship construction techniques, for example," she said.The Endeavour was originally launched as the Earl of Pembroke in 1764, before being renamed as the Endeavour by Britain's Royal Navy in 1768. Over the next three years, the ship voyaged to the South Pacific, on an astronomical mission to record the transit of Venus in Tahiti, before reaching Australia.The vessel lay forgotten for more than two centuries, after it was sold to private owners and later deliberately sunk by British forces in 1778.Image credits: Australian National Maritime Museum

Travel Trouble

Brothers destroy home in family dispute

A legal battle between two brothers and their sister over their inheritance has stepped up a notch after the brothers hired a bulldozer to demolish the family home. Malcolm and Garry Taylor travelled from Queensland to Murtoa, in regional Victoria, claiming they were doing “renovations” on the property. In reality, they were doing what they could to ensure their sister Kerrie “didn’t get a cent” when the house was sold. The siblings have been in a legal standoff over their late parents’ estate for several years, culminating in the destruction of the home the day before it went to auction in 2019, which was filmed by the brothers. The footage showed the brothers taking turns demolishing the house with a rented excavator. <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" width="698" height="573" scrolling="no" id="molvideoplayer" title="MailOnline Embed Player" src="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/embed/video/2454133.html"></iframe> After their mother Lois died in December 2013, Kerrie was made executor of her estate. The brothers challenged this decision and claimed Kerrie had killed their mother. The stoush started when Malcolm and Garry found out their children would receive $10,000 in trust payments as part of the estate. The Victoria County Court has heard the brothers would “rather pull [the house] down piece by piece” than share the money resulting from its sale with their sister. According to court documents, Malcolm called the real estate agent involved in the sale in November 2018, claiming Kerrie “killed his mother” and that he would “continue to take items from the house until there was nothing left”. Court documents also said the destruction caused tens of thousands of dollars in damages and the cancellation of the auction. Damage included the graffiti of “Lois was murdered here” and the outline of a body in her bedroom by Malcolm, according to court documents. Malcolm denied any knowledge of the graffiti in court. The pair will be sentenced on Friday after earlier pleading guilty to criminal damage, with a judge lamenting how family disputes bring out the worst in people. It is expected they will be fined rather than jailed. Image: The Daily Mail / Supplied

Real Estate

Petty neighbourhood dispute over tree

As much as we all want to get along with our neighbours, it can be tough when they resort to petty acts. A Reddit user from the UK has shared their story of their extremely petty neighbour, with photos to prove it. In one of the photos, a large tree can be seen that sits on the border between two properties. On one side, the tree has branches covered in leaves and looks like it needs a bit of a trim. On the other side, the tree has been trimmed down to the trunk so not even a leaf or branch encroaches on the neighbour’s property. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CQe4cZwg4g-/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CQe4cZwg4g-/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by thetodayshow (@thetodayshow)</a> </div> </blockquote> The user captioned their post, saying: “Some traditional British pettiness on display”, and the post has received more than 30,000 likes from other users, with some sharing their recognition of the kind of dispute the two houses were experiencing. “The wrought iron gate really sets it off nicely,” one user commented. “Feel like I know the exact guy.” Another said: “He asked if he could cut down the ivy on the front of my house. I said no. He tried to do it when he thought I was out.” Image: The Today Show / Instagram

Relationships

Dispute heats up over Prince Charles and Prince Harry's finances

A new argument has broken out between Prince Charles and Prince Harry over money. Newly-released information about accounts has shown that Prince Charles continued to support his son and Meghan Markle as they stepped down as senior members of the royal family. He continued to provide funds to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex from his Duchy of Cornwall fund until the last quarter of 2020. In a statement, a spokesman for Charles said that “the Prince of Wales allocated a substantial sum” to Harry and Meghan last year “to support them” with their transition in stepping down and relocating to California. “That funding ceased in the summer of last year.” “The couple are now financially independent,” they added. This contradicts the claims Prince Harry made during that Oprah interview where he said that his father had cut him off financially. A representative for the Sussex family has insisted there is no difference in the timeline. “You are conflating two different timelines and it’s inaccurate to suggest that there’s a contradiction,” the spokesperson said, according to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/prince-harry-meghan-markle-charles-finances-b1871723.html" target="_blank">The Independent.</a> “The Duke’s comments during the Oprah interview were in reference to the first quarter of the fiscal reporting period in the UK, which starts annually in April. “This is the same date that the ‘transitional year’ of the Sandringham agreement began and is aligned with the timeline that Clarence House referenced.”

Money & Banking

Resurfaced photo disputes Meghan Markle's "naive" claim

A photo of Meghan Markle posing with her now sister-in-law, Duchess Kate, long before they personally met has gone viral once again. The resurfaced photograph has made its way to the light again as royal watchers look for ways to cast doubt on the claim that the Duchess said she was “naive” to the duties of royal life before she joined the family. <img style="width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7841302/meghan-duchess-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f52a80ea81cc4c3f9196600ac70ed4d4" /> In her shocking interview with Oprah Winfrey back in March, the Duchess of Sussex admitted she “didn’t grow up knowing much about the royal family” or the pressures of the tabloid press. However, the picture from 2014, taken two years before Meghan met Prince Harry, has given some the argument that the royal knew much more than she let on. <img style="width: 0px; height: 0px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7841303/meghan-duchess-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/6cf552d40ba846d0b0d7249f062296a5" /> Especially since, in 2019, she told interviewer Tom Bradbury: “… my British friends said to me, ‘I’m sure he’s great. But you shouldn’t do it because the British tabloids will destroy your life.’ “And I very naively, I’m American, we don’t have that there, what are you talking about, that doesn’t make any sense. I’m not in tabloids, I didn’t get it.” Images: Getty

Beauty & Style

Prince Andrew’s controversial funeral demand

As the British royal family prepares to lay Prince Philip to rest, an uproar involving Prince Andrew has reportedly broken out behind palace doors. It is reported the Duke of York is demanding he be allowed to wear the military uniform of an Admiral to his father's funeral, according to the Daily Mail UK. Andrew stepped back from his position as senior royal in 2019 over his friendship with disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein. Despite the Epstein scandal, the Queen is yet to strip Prince Andrew of his military honours. In 2015, Andrew was made an honorary Vice-Admiral in the Royal Navy. He was reportedly set to be elevated to Admiral on his 60th birthday last year. However, he offered to wait until he cleared his name and returned to public life. The Queen is set to make a decision over her son's request within the next day. It is said Prince Charles, Prince Edward and Princess Anne will all be donning military dress at the funeral. Prince William is also said to be dressing in military garb. However, it is yet to be known whether his brother, Prince Harry, will follow suit. The Duke of Sussex was stripped of his military titles after quitting royal life to move with his wife, Meghan Markle, to the US. In line with royal rules, Harry is likely to be only allowed to wear a morning suit with medals, the media outlet said. Buckingham Palace has declined to comment on the matter.

News

Family claims Jetstar kicked them off flight for “looking ethnic and being Muslim”

A couple who had their dream wedding in Bali say that the experience was ruined on the flight home due to an altercation with Jetstar. Sarah Aslan, 23, and her wedding party of 22 had planned to return to Melbourne on Monday via a Jetstar flight, but were instead escorted off the flight and left in Denpasar Airport at 2 am local time. The ejection was due to a confrontation between a flight attendant and Mike Mahmoud, who was a member of Sarah’s group. "I really truly don't believe I was arrogant, I just wanted to get home" he says to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.9news.com.au/national/jetstar-wedding-party-call-out-jetstar-after-being-kicked-off-bali-flight/0e9eb1b0-9f68-4211-be55-e598cff058d0" target="_blank">9 News.</a> The family continued to argue with staff and other passengers claimed that things were so heated, the pilot made the decision to turn the plane around and kick the family off the flight. The family are Turkish-Australian and some among the wedding party were wearing headscarves. "Personally, it did feel like we were being attacked for looking ethnic and being Muslim" Sarah says. "That's why I started crying. I'm like, I just want to go home, I don't to be here anymore." Jetstar booked the wedding party on another flight 24 hours later at no extra cost, with the family arriving back in Melbourne on Tuesday night. However, other family members have taken aim at the airline, saying that they were “racially, verbally and physically assaulted”. One family member, Selim Tutunca, spoke about the incident on Jetstar’s Facebook page. “We were racially, verbally and physically assaulted by both Jetstar crew members and Bali airport officials. We have footage of all of this,” he wrote. “We were kicked off the flight even though we hadn’t even spoke a single word to the crew members. We have been waiting for over four hours and my children are sleeping on benches at the airport. “We weren’t accommodated by Jetstar whatsoever. We tried speaking to them and they didn’t want to know anything about us.” Jetstar are disputing the entire incident despite the family’s story. “The safety of our customers and crew is our number one priority, and we do not tolerate any kind of disruptive or abusive behaviour,” a Jetstar spokesman said to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-updates/incidents/family-claims-they-were-kicked-off-jetstar-flight-for-looking-ethnic-and-being-muslim/news-story/90a0eac8d850863448c664710b280b52" target="_blank">news.com.au</a>. “We take these allegations extremely seriously and are investigating the matter, however our crew dispute the claims made by these passengers.”

Travel Trouble

Fergie leaves Balmoral Castle early amid dispute with Prince Philip

The Duchess of York has reportedly cut her trip to Balmoral Castle short, where she was staying as a guest of Queen Elizabeth. Sarah Ferguson arrived at the estate late last week but has already begun her journey back home from the Scottish Highlands. According to the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/auhome/index.html" target="_blank">Daily Mail</a>, Fergie made a quick getaway after Prince Philip arrived at the castle, a few days earlier than originally expected. The pair have had a rocky relationship ever since she and Prince Andrew divorced in 1996, with insiders claiming that the Duke of Edinburgh refuses to be under the same roof as the Duchess. Ferguson was spotted arriving at Balmoral on Thursday after travelling from London to Scotland via a commercial flight. Prince Andrew on the other hand came via private jet. It is assumed the reasoning behind the separate travel arrangements is due to rumours circulating around Andrew’s relationship with Fergie, as many hope the pair are back together. The Duke of York was spotted for the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/queen-elizabeth-supports-prince-andrew-amid-jeffrey-epstein-sex-scandal" target="_blank">first time in public on Sunday </a>after news broke of Jeffrey Epstein’s apparent suicide over the weekend.

International Travel

How to resolve travel disputes when you’re away from home

Resolving travel disputes are already difficult enough, but when you’re in a different country and time zone, it’s seemingly impossible – and sometimes it is. Take Michael Blank, from Philadelphia, who was hit with two 45-euro speed tickets after he visited France. They were sent electronically to his rental company, Europcar, which added two 30-euro "administrative charges” they said covered the cost of passing the ticket from the authorities to the driver. "The rental was reasonably priced, but with the added 150 euro for the two tickets, it turned out to be anything but reasonable," Blank told The Washington Post. It does seem that companies use distance and language barriers as excuses to deny refunds. And it seems partially true as least, although it’s also true that many of these fines apply to all customers regardless of nationality or if you’re a traveller. So what happens when your car/train/flight company charges you extra, refuses you a refund, or make a mistake? Elizabeth Megan, a tour operator in Boston, says taking your complaint to a higher level is a strategy that works well when you're dealing with a problem overseas. "Based on my experience, that's the best way to get their attention," she says. Emailing instead of phoning helps as well. You’ll not only have a paper trailer of any interactions, but if you’re dealing with a foreign language, employees on the other end may need to run your emails through translation software. But the best advice is not to wait until you get home. Matthew Storm, the director of innovation and solutions at NICE Systems, which helps large organizations monitor and improve their customer service, says the ideal time to resolve a travel problem is while you're still on the ground. Don’t let companies use distance as an excuse to give substandard service or refuse you a refund. Storm recommends researching local customer-service phone numbers for your vendors prior to travelling. "Keep local and international numbers with you during your trip, and it will save you the time finding them in the event of an emergency," he says. Source: The Washington Post Related links: <a href="/travel/travel-club/2015/02/survive-a-long-haul-flight/" target="_self"></a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2015/12/air-new-zealand-named-airline-of-the-year/">Kiwi airline named “Best Airline of the Year”!</a> <a href="/travel/travel-club/2015/02/survive-a-long-haul-flight/" target="_self"></a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2015/12/best-countries-to-visit-in-2016/">Top 10 countries to visit in 2016</a> <a href="/travel/travel-club/2015/02/survive-a-long-haul-flight/" target="_self"></a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2015/11/places-to-visit-us-south/">6 must-visit destinations in American South</a>

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Dispute heats up over Prince Charles and Prince Harry's finances

Resurfaced photo disputes Meghan Markle's "naive" claim

Prince Andrew’s controversial funeral demand

Family claims Jetstar kicked them off flight for “looking ethnic and being Muslim”

Fergie leaves Balmoral Castle early amid dispute with Prince Philip

How to resolve travel disputes when you’re away from home