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"Mum grew great dope": Son's hilariously honest tribute goes viral

Two brothers from Sydney have made headlines around the world for their hilarious tribute to their late mother. Sean and Chris Kelly wrote a death notice for their mum Jennifer Ann Kelly when she passed away aged 88 on Monday last week. “Farewell Jennie Kelly, our wild and wayward mother,” the notice which was posted in the Sydney Morning Herald began. Jennifer Ann lived most of her life outside Nimbin and The Channon in northern NSW until she moved to a nursing home in Turramurra 18 months ago. Her sons' tribute has triggered a call for more honesty about death as they opened up about their unconventional upbringing. They revealed that their mum refused to say "passed" when someone died, believed exposing youth to religion was a form of child abuse, and "it was impossible to watch the news in her presence due to her vocal outrage." And while the two brothers had spent most of their lives "compensating for our upbringing", their mother's "rare attempts at 'responsible' parenting or grandparenting were always touching". They also added: “Mum grew great dope, never wanted to leave a party and gave up champagne or gin frequently, but never simultaneously.” “News on what’s next to follow. Bring a shovel," they ended the notice. Their good-humoured grief and honesty gained global attention after it was posted on Reddit. It was also included in British outlet The Independent and US People Magazine. “Your mum sounds phenomenal. The amazing tribute has reached thousands of people in the UK,” one Reddit user said. “I wish I’d known Jenny, she sounds wonderful. Thank you for a wonderful obituary – clearly Jenny lived until she died,” added another. Others praised their candidness, with one saying: “[It’s] honest, as opposed to all those people who suddenly become heroes/Mother Teresa when they die.” In an interview with 7NEWS Sean admitted that the unconventional obituary was a first for him. “I’d never done a death notice, I’d never really looked at them,” he said. “I swear I spent less than four minutes on that.” He added that he wasn't even sure it would be published, and “the next thing I knew, the day after, someone said ‘I think we heard someone on the radio talking about your mother this morning’.” “She would say that she was mortified, but all my friends tell me she would be absolutely delighted at the attention.” Jennie leaves behind her two sons and three grandchildren. Images: 7News/ SMH

Family & Pets

When a baby is stillborn, grandparents are hit with ‘two lots of grief’. Here’s how we can help

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jane-lockton-811825">Jane Lockton</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/clemence-due-100240">Clemence Due</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melissa-oxlad-811406">Melissa Oxlad</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a> <a href="https://www.stillbirthcre.org.au/resources/stillbirth-facts/">Six babies</a> are stillborn every day in Australia. This significant loss <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1744165X12001023">affects parents</a> for years to come, often the rest of their lives. However, stillbirth also affects many others, including grandparents. But until now, we have not heard the experiences of grandparents whose grandchildren are stillborn. Their grief was rarely acknowledged and there are few supports tailored to them. Our recently published <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31387781">research</a> is the first in the world to specifically look at grandmothers’ experience of stillbirth and the support they need. In Australia, a baby <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0037109">is defined as</a> stillborn when it dies in the womb from 20 weeks’ gestation, or weighs more than 400 grams. Other countries have slightly different definitions. <a href="https://www.stillbirthcre.org.au/resources/stillbirth-facts/">About 2,200</a> babies are stillborn each year here meaning stillbirth may be more common than many people think. And people <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(11)60107-4/fulltext">don’t tend to talk</a> about this openly despite it leading to significant grief. To explore grandparents’ experience of stillbirth, we interviewed 14 grandmothers for our initial study, and a further 23 grandmothers and grandfathers since then. Many grandparents were not aware stillbirth was a risk today. Most felt unprepared. Like parents, grandparents experienced grief like no other after their grandchild was stillborn. Rose said: "The grief is always there, it never leaves you […] I don’t know why but sometimes it is still very raw." Sally said: "I [would do] anything in my power to take it away, even if it meant, you know, something dreadful happening to me, I would have done it." Grandparents also spoke of anticipating the arrival of their grandchild, and disbelief at their loss. Donna said: "It was as bad as it could be and […] I thought it just couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be real." Where grandparents lived a long way from their child, the loss was even more profound. Distance prevented them from holding their grandchild after birth, attending memorials, or helping their own children. Iris said: "I still miss her now […] When she was born and they had her in the hospital they would text me and say you know she’s got hair like her daddy […] and they would describe her and how beautiful she was, and that’s all they have, you know […] that’s all I have really." Grandparents said they wanted to hide their grief to protect their child from pain. This often made them isolated. Their relationships with family members often changed. Mary said: "It’s like two lots of grief […] but I don’t want it to sound like it’s as bad as my daughter’s loss. It’s different, it’s a different grief, because you’re grieving the loss of a grandchild, and you’re also grieving for your daughter and her loss and it’s like yeah you’ve been kicked in the guts twice instead of once." <h2>What grandparents wanted</h2> Grandparents stressed the importance and ongoing value of being involved in “memory making” and spending time with their stillborn grandchild where possible. Creating mementos, such as taking photos and making footprints and hand prints, were all important ways of expressing their grief. These mementos kept the baby “alive” in the family. They were also a way to ensure their own child knew the baby was loved and remembered. Our research also identified better ways to support grandparents. Grandparents said that if they knew more about stillbirth, they would be more confident in knowing how to help support their children. And if people were more aware of grandparents’ grief, and acknowledged their loss, this would make it easier for them to get support themselves, and reduce feelings of isolation. Our research also found families can recognise that grandparents grieve too, for both their child and grandchild. Grandparents can be encouraged to seek support from other family and friends. Families could also encourage grandparents to seek support from professionals if needed. In hospitals, midwives can adopt some simple, time efficient strategies, with a big impact on grandparents. With parent consent, midwives could include grandparents in memory making activities. By acknowledging the connection grandparents have to the baby, midwives can validate the grief that they experience. In recognising the supportive role of grandparents, midwives can also provide early guidance about how best to support their child. Hospitals can help by including grandparents in the education provided after stillbirth. This might include guidance about support for their child, or simply providing grandparents with written resources and guiding them to appropriate supports. In time, development of peer support programs, where grandparents support others in similar situations, could help. And, as a community, we can support grandparents the same way they support their own children. We can be there, listen and learn. <hr /> All grandparents’ names in this article are pseudonyms. If this article raises issues for you or someone you know, contact <a href="http://www.sands.org.au">Sands</a> (stillbirth and newborn death support) on 1300 072 637. Sands also has <a href="https://www.sands.org.au/images/sands-creative/brochures/127517-For-Grandparents-Brochure.pdf">written information specifically for grandparents</a> of stillborn babies.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/122313/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jane-lockton-811825">Jane Lockton</a>, PhD Candidate (Psychology, Health), <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/clemence-due-100240">Clemence Due</a>, Senior Lecturer in the School of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melissa-oxlad-811406">Melissa Oxlad</a>, Lecturer in the School of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-a-baby-is-stillborn-grandparents-are-hit-with-two-lots-of-grief-heres-how-we-can-help-122313">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Filling the silences in family stories − how to think like a historian to uncover your family’s narrative

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-kaston-tange-1417052">Andrea Kaston Tange</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/macalester-college-2632">Macalester College</a> Great-grandmothers. We all have them. But most of us will never know them except through glimpses of fading bits of paper: sepia photographs, recipe cards, letters in handwriting traced by a fountain pen dispensing cocoa-colored ink. What does it take to build coherent stories out of such tantalizing fragments of lives? I face this question routinely in my career as a <a href="https://www.macalester.edu/english/facultystaff/andreakastontange/">professor of 19th-century literature and culture</a>. Recently, I’ve turned that experience to writing a book about my own family. When I inherited my great-grandmother’s diary, a repurposed teacher’s planner in which she chronicled the family’s 1926 move from Michigan to Miami, I found a wedding portrait tucked inside. The angled profile showcases her youthful skin and a dress too elaborate for a Midwestern schoolteacher’s daily wear. It is easy to imagine that she took pleasure in inscribing her new name on the picture’s reverse: Faith Avery. I stared at her beautiful image for years, as if details of her satin gown could explain why a woman widowed in 1918 would, for the rest of her life, refuse to admit to having had that first husband and yet carefully preserve this portrait. And then, because archives have been at the center of my scholarly work, I turned to research. I located marriage records and draft cards, pored over maps, found family members in censuses and obituaries. Within those documents lay answers both surprising and poignant. What did I look for? How might anyone with a half-told family story begin to uncover more truths? And what does it take to make sense of them? <h2>The digging</h2> Questions that begin with “why” can rarely be answered easily. Researchers thus often prefer to start with “who” and “when” and “how,” locating a person in one spot and then tracing them through time. This adventure down a rabbit hole follows a method. Make a list of unknowns. These may be facts or enticing tidbits of incomplete family lore. My mother, trying to be helpful, told me things like, “Faith always said there was a horse thief in the family, but she was too mortified to reveal his name” and “I think Aunt Harriette (Faith’s sister) was married once briefly.” Do precise, not general, searches. Typing “horse thief Avery” into Google yields nothing useful, but many other sources contain rich information about old-fashioned exploits. The New York Public Library’s <a href="https://www.nypl.org/blog/2019/03/25/genealogy-guide-books">guide for family research</a> introduces some options. The <a href="https://www.loc.gov/pictures/">Library of Congress print and photograph collection</a> can also help you envision your ancestors’ world. Physical libraries contain historic photographs, maps, local records and digitized newspapers not available online. Historical societies and state universities typically allow free, in-person use of their collections. Know that sometimes you will fail and need to change course. I spent several days looking for the horse thief to no avail, much to my mother’s disappointment. But when I turned to Aunt Harriette’s marriage, I found a character no less fascinating, one I now think of as “Four Wives Frank.” Read old documents knowing they were produced by a patchwork of individuals who took information on trust. The handwritten birth, death, marriage and <a href="https://www.archives.gov/research/census/about">census records</a> of past centuries relied on self-reported data that required no verification. They can be plagued by carelessness in the name of efficiency. One hurried census-taker recorded Faith’s mother Cara as “Cora,” another renamed her brother Horace “Harris.” Frank offered up a variety of birth years, countries of origin and maiden names for his mother as he worked his way west. He must have been charming. Who but a charming man could have convinced woman after woman to marry him, each thinking she was, at most, his second wife? Marriage register officers and census-takers, not to mention his trail of brides, were none the wiser. Which leads me to this: Cross-check information. I knew I had the right Frank because he had the same three sons in multiple records. Inconsistencies across those records, in conjunction with the trajectory of his life, made this conclusion inevitable: The man purposefully reinvented himself. <h2>The assembly</h2> My academic work has taught me that most <a href="https://doi.org/10.2979/victorianstudies.63.2.02">archival answers lead to more questions</a>. As a result, I expect multiple phases of collecting. I gathered everything I could find about Faith’s early life, in hopes something might explain her reticence about her first marriage. As her story emerged, I periodically hit holes in the narrative that sent me back for more digging. Understanding people is easier if you are familiar with their world. For background, I read histories of Miami in the 1920s and researched details in Faith’s diary that might reveal her personality or motivations. Exploring her reading lists showed me a woman who enjoyed popular entertainment, such as 1926’s blockbuster “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0016598/">Aloma of the South Seas</a>.” Primers of <a href="https://libraryguides.missouri.edu/pricesandwages/1920-1929">1920s wages and prices</a> explained the family’s economic worries. As I got to know Faith, I revisited documents with new questions. To figure out whether Harriette’s husband Frank had anything to do with Faith, I made timelines for both sisters. To ponder the emotional underpinnings of those events, I reread Faith’s diary, paying particular attention to entries about Harriette and about Faith’s second husband. Because every pile of documents contains multiple stories, the key to a coherent narrative is locating a through line that addresses the biggest conundrums while identifying the tangents. I let go of the horse thief. <h2>The results</h2> The detective-style plots of what I call “<a href="https://www.writersdigest.com/be-inspired/lilly-dancyger-memoir-as-detective-novel">investigative memoir</a>” may inspire you to do your own family research. Genealogy sites such as <a href="https://www.ancestry.com/">Ancestry.com</a> and <a href="https://www.familysearch.org/en/united-states/">FamilySearch.org</a> can help. But it’s worth remembering that secondary reading will add richness to any family story. And local librarians are extraordinary at helping patrons navigate the search process. Improbable as it might seem, Four Wives Frank helped me understand the extent of Faith’s secrets and that she harbored them in hopes that her children’s lives would be easier. Such self-sacrifices are common for mothers. And yet, their particulars are as individual as the faintly silvered portrait of the soft young woman who married Harold Avery in 1911, and whose story requires an entire book to tell properly.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234341/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-kaston-tange-1417052">Andrea Kaston Tange</a>, Professor of English, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/macalester-college-2632">Macalester College</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/filling-the-silences-in-family-stories-how-to-think-like-a-historian-to-uncover-your-familys-narrative-234341">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Readers response: Have you ever seen or met a member of the royal family during one of their visits?

When the royal family make one of their special, dedicated visits to Australia, some royal fans are lucky enough to catch a glimpse, or even have an interaction with them. We asked our readers if they have ever seen or met a member of the royal family, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Mike Rogerson - I saw the Queen and Prince Phillip on the Princes Highway at Blakehurst, NSW. They were on their way to Wollongong, NSW. We were a group of Blakehurst primary school children on the side of the road in 1954. I was eight at the time. Lorraine Strand - First saw the Queen when the country school kids travelled by train to Adelaide. Then again in Darwin, when she was visiting houses built after Cyclone Tracy. On a more recent visit by the royals, my husband and I attended the same St Paul’s Anglican Church Service in Canberra as the Queen and Prince Phillip. Annette Maree - I saw the Queen when she was driven past my house in the 1960’s. She was stunning. I clearly remember her wave, her smile, and her “peaches and cream” complexion. It was one of those flashbulb moments that stays in your mind forever. Glenda Grange - Yes in 1983 I saw Diana and Charles. They attended a royal command performance in Melbourne. I received a formal gilt edge invitation and was one person away from them. I was invited as a bush fire victim of Ash Wednesday. Elaine Smith - I haven’t but my mum and grandpa did, in 1954 when she came to our small country town of Red Cliffs, VIC. My grandpa and mum were on a special platform with aged residents of country towns, even got to shake hands with her. I was in the crowd with my girl guide group. Gary Johnson - 1970 when I was in first year high school we went to Perth airport to see Prince Phillip arrive. I had a school blazer on and Prince Phillip came over and asked what school I was from. If it wasn't for my mum forcing me to wear it, I wouldn't have that great memory. Janice Yvonne Colman - Not in Australia, but in the UK when they passed by our village on way to a county close by. My brother & I got the royal waves as we stood on the side of the road! We were quite thrilled as we were only 14 & 12 at the time. Jean Bryant - I saw Princess Margaret back in the 50's when she visited a British Air Force base in Germany. Ian Hewitt - Yes! At NSW Government house in 1992. It was an honour to us to personally meet their majesties. Image credits: Shutterstock

Domestic Travel

How are racehorses really treated in the ‘sport of kings’?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cathrynne-henshall-572585">Cathrynne Henshall</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/charles-sturt-university-849">Charles Sturt University</a> It’s the time of year when shiny horses and colourful clothing fill our screens – the <a href="https://www.racing.com/spring-racing">Spring Racing Carnival</a>, which includes high profile races like The Everest, Melbourne Cup and Cox Plate. It’s also the time of year when questions are asked about the welfare of racehorses that compete in the so-called “<a href="https://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/horse/how-we-shaped-horses-how-horses-shaped-us/sport/sport-of-kings#:%7E:text=Thoroughbred%20racing%20began%20around%20300,Asia%2C%20and%20the%20Middle%20East.">sport of kings</a>”. Previously, <a href="https://www.news.com.au/sport/superracing/punters-life/how-many-horses-have-died-in-the-melbourne-cup-the-real-numbers/news-story/5f7e29011a7fbf3da9e0611e902d1ee6">high profile deaths during races</a>, the <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0015622">use of whips</a> and <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-02-17/making-a-killing/6127124">what happens to horses after racing</a> have been the focus of community concern. But recently, as we’ve come to know more about what makes a <a href="https://www.worldhorsewelfare.org/advice/welfare-wednesdays/how-to-provide-a-good-life-for-horses-friends-freedom-and-forage">good life for a horse</a>, questions are being raised about the daily lives of racehorses. Industry participants will point to the <a href="https://www.mamamia.com.au/dont-tell-me-the-horse-racing-industry-doesnt-care/">high level care</a> that racehorses receive – comfortable stables, specially formulated diets, the latest vet treatments and added extras such as massages and swimming sessions. But does this care translate into good welfare? <h2>The theory of ‘telos’</h2> Firstly, a quick primer on the difference between care and welfare. Care includes all the things that make sure racehorses get fit, stay fit and stay healthy. This care helps maximise the chance a horse will win races. Welfare is the animal’s subjective or individual experience of its life – <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33066335/">how it feels</a> – and there are a number of ways to assess this. One way is the concept of “telos”, originally developed by Ancient Greek philosopher <a href="https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-causality/">Aristotle</a>. Telos is a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10806-012-9422-y">species’ anatomical, physiological, behavioural and cognitive characteristics</a> that have been shaped by millions of years of evolution. Telos helps us to identify what matters to animals – their behavioural, psychological and physiological needs. So to consider if racehorse care actually translates to good welfare, we can assess how closely it provides the animal with the things that matter to them, based on their telos. Equine telos involves living in groups, forming long-lived social relationships, grazing fibrous plants and being on the move for up to 18 hours a day, as well as staying safe by sensing danger and then moving away. It also involves living in variable environments to solve challenges, learn, engage in curiosity and play. Let’s compare that to the daily life of a racehorse. <h2>Movement and feeding</h2> Firstly, the vast majority of racehorses live in stables – sometimes up to 23 hours a day. <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17970632/">Multiple studies</a> have found continuous stabling harms horse welfare. Stables significantly restrict opportunities for voluntary movement, and studies show stabled horses spend <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37813129/">the majority of the time inactive</a>. Even though stables house horses communally, most designs limit horses’ opportunities for social interaction. Thirdly, there’s little for a horse to do in a stable other than eat, stand, drink or lie, and they often develop <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34670688/">abnormal behaviours</a> that are associated with stress. These are never seen in free-ranging horses. When racehorses do get to move, they have little say over how far, how fast and for how long they move. The kinds of physical exercise racehorses do are both significantly shorter in duration and at much higher speeds than horses voluntarily choose. It’s those speeds that place them at <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17910268/">risk of suffering a serious injury</a>. What about diet? Although a lot of time and effort is spent ensuring racehorses enjoy high quality diets, they are mostly comprised of concentrated energy sources such as grains, rather the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10135103/">fibre horses evolved to eat</a>. Horses are <a href="https://madbarn.com/slow-feeders-for-horses/#:%7E:text=Horses%20are%20trickle%20feeders%20that,to%2025%20miles%20per%20day.">trickle feeders</a> (grazers), with small stomachs that continuously secrete digestive juices. In the wild, grazing keeps those stomachs full, which prevents the stomach lining from being damaged by digestive acids. In comparison, racehorses often consume their food very quickly – instead of spending up to 75% of their day eating, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780702026348500137">they spend only 33%</a>. This means their stomachs are empty for most of the day, which is why up to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37048517/">65% will get painful gastric ulcers</a>. And having to wait to be fed rather than eating when hungry, as happens in free-ranging horses, <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/3/3/663">can lead to frustration</a>. <h2>Other difficulties</h2> Racehorses <a href="https://www.theage.com.au/national/does-whipping-hurt-race-horses-20211102-p595br.html">may be whipped</a>, and <a href="https://beva.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.2042-3306.1982.tb02389.x">more than 50% </a>will experience some form of musculoskeletal injury during racing, of which between <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/11/2/270">7-49% are fatal</a>. Social relationships, in the limited form possible in a racing stable, are also frequently disrupted because horse populations are highly transient due to spelling, <a href="https://theconversation.com/black-caviars-death-has-prompted-uncomfortable-questions-about-how-champion-mares-spend-their-retirement-237039">retirement</a> or even just going to the races. So even if two horses are able to form a relationship of sorts, chances are one will be taken away. <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/?term=henshall+stress+repeated&size=200">Separation distress is a significant stressor</a> for horses. Then there’s the gear that’s used to control them. Horses, like most animal species, escape and avoid painful stimuli. However, in racing (and many other equestrian activties) it is <a href="https://www.racingnsw.com.au/wp-content/uploads/NSWRules.pdf">mandatory to use</a> “bits” to control horses’ behaviour during riding and handling. Bits work by causing uncomfortable pressure and pain and may lead to mouth injuries. Studies have shown many people don’t understand how <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08927936.2023.2166713#abstract">to minimise the harm they can cause</a>. In addition, people also vary widely in their ability to read and <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/9/12/1124">interpret behavioural responses to stress</a>. So, racehorses may be repeatedly exposed to pain from bits and perform a range of behaviours to try to escape that pain, like bolting, mouth opening or head tossing. To remedy this, additional items of restrictive equipment, such as <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34056705/">tongue ties</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/dressing-up-for-melbourne-cup-day-from-a-racehorse-point-of-view-104771">nosebands, lugging bits or bit burs</a> may be used to control the horse. Racehorses frequently show signs of difficulty coping with the stressors of racing life, including “going off their feed”, aggression towards handlers, becoming hard to control when ridden and a range of stress behaviours and health issues, <a href="https://avmajournals.avma.org/downloadpdf/view/journals/javma/260/15/javma.22.08.0358.pdf">such as bleeding from the lungs</a>. <h2>What about welfare?</h2> Racehorse care is often directed towards managing issues that are the direct result of the demands of the racing environment. Fancy stables and aqua sessions are not important to horses, and may even cause harm. What matters to horses are opportunities to make meaningful choices, such as the freedom to move, form friendships and graze for the majority of the day. Current racing industry practices often deny horses the chance to make these choices. There’s no doubt people in racing care deeply about their horses. But to experience good welfare during racing, racehorses need more than just good care.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/240998/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cathrynne-henshall-572585">Cathrynne Henshall</a>, Post-doctoral Fellow, School of Agricultural, Environmental and Veterinary Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/charles-sturt-university-849">Charles Sturt University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-are-racehorses-really-treated-in-the-sport-of-kings-240998">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

How do children learn good manners?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Ensuring kids have manners is a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">perennial preoccupation</a> for parents and caregivers. How, then, do you teach good manners to children? Modelling good manners around the home and in your own interaction with others is obviously crucial. But there’s a clear <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">uniting theme</a> when it comes to manners in Australia: in Australian English, good manners centre on honouring personal autonomy, egalitarianism and not appearing to tell people what to do. <h2>Which manners matter most in Australia?</h2> Some of the most important manners in Australian English are behavioural edicts that focus on particular speech acts: greeting, requesting, thanking and apologising. These speech acts have a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074/179857">set of words</a> associated with them: <ul> <li>hello</li> <li>hi</li> <li>may I please…?</li> <li>could I please…?</li> <li>thank you</li> <li>ta</li> <li>sorry</li> <li>excuse me.</li> </ul> Good manners make people feel comfortable in social situations by adding predictability and reassurance. They can act as signposts in interactions. Anglo cultures place a lot of weight on <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216612001014">egalitarianism</a>, personal autonomy and ensuring we don’t <a href="https://www.google.com.au/books/edition/English/d-d5AAAAIAAJ?hl=en">tell people what to do</a>. If you want to get someone to do something for you – pass you a pen, for example – you frame the request as a question to signal that you’re not telling them what to do. You’ll also add one of the main characters in Anglo politeness: the magic word, “<a href="https://www.academia.edu/20312114/Lige_a_Danish_magic_word_An_ethnopragmatic_analysis">please</a>”. This framing recognises you don’t expect or demand compliance. You’re acknowledging the other person as an autonomous individual who can do what they want. If the person does the thing you’ve asked, the next step is to say “thank you” to recognise the other person’s autonomy. You’re acknowledging they didn’t have to help just because you asked. <h2>The heavy hitters</h2> The words “please” and “thank you” are such heavy hitters in Australian English good manners, they’re two of the words that language learners and migrants <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/10408340308518247?needAccess=true">learn first</a>. They can help soften the impact of your words. Think, for example, of the difference between “no” and “no, thank you”. Of course, there are times when “no” is a full sentence. But what if someone offered you a cup of tea and you replied “no” without its concomitant “thank you” to soften your rejection and acknowledge this offer didn’t have to be made? Don’t be surprised if they think you sound a bit rude. The other big players in Australian English good manners are “sorry” and “excuse me”. Much like in <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BZ1Eid0gnLV/">British English</a>, the Australian “sorry” means many things. These can preface an intrusion on someone’s personal space, like before squeezing past someone in the cinema, or on someone’s speaking turn. Interrupting or talking over someone else is often heavily frowned on in Australian English because it is often interpreted as disregarding what the other person has to say. But in some cultures, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0346251X14001365">such as French</a>, this conversational style is actively encouraged. And some languages and cultures <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S038800011830069X?via%3Dihub">have different conventions</a> around what good manners look like around strangers versus with family. Good manners involve saying certain words in predictable contexts. But knowing what these are and when to use them demonstrates a deeper cultural awareness of what behaviours are valued. <h2>How do children learn manners?</h2> As part of my <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">research</a>, I’ve analysed parenting forum posts about “good manners”. Some believe good manners should be effortless; one parent said: <blockquote> Good manners shouldn’t be something that a child has to think about […] teach them correctly at home from day one, manners become an integral part of the way they view things. </blockquote> Another forum user posited good modelling was the key, saying: <blockquote> the parent has to lead by example, rather than forcing a child to say one or the other. </blockquote> One <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38777043/">study</a>, which involved analysis of more than 20 hours of videorecorded family dinner interactions collected in Italy, found mealtimes are also sites where parents control their children’s conduct “through the micro-politics of good manners.” <blockquote> By participating in mealtime interactions, children witness and have the chance to acquire the specific cultural principles governing bodily conduct at the table, such as ‘sitting properly’, ‘eating with cutlery’, and ‘chewing with mouth closed’. Yet, they are also socialised to a foundational principle of human sociality: one’s own behavior must be self-monitored according to the perspective of the generalised Other. </blockquote> In Australian English, that means regulating your behaviour to make sure you don’t do something that could be seen as “rude”. As I argued in a 2012 <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216612000410">paper</a>: <blockquote> While child socialisation in Anglo culture involves heavy discouragement of rudeness, French does not have a direct equivalent feature […] French children are taught ça ne se fait pas, ‘that is not done’. Where the French proscribe the behaviours outright, the Anglos […] appeal to the image one has of oneself in interpersonal interactions. </blockquote> In Anglo English, the penalties for breaches could be other people’s disapproval and hurting their feelings. <h2>Why are good manners important?</h2> Good manners affect our interactions with others and help us build positive relationships. Fourteenth century English bishop and educator, William of Wykeham, declared that “<a href="https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803100131244#:%7E:text=Manners%20maketh%20man%20proverbial%20saying,Winchester%20and%20chancellor%20of%20England">manners maketh the man</a>”. John Hopkins University Professor <a href="https://ii.library.jhu.edu/2018/12/11/in-memory-of-p-m-forni-the-case-for-civility-in-the-classroom-and-beyond/">Pier Forni</a> called them a “precious life-improvement tool.” The “Good Manners” <a href="https://education.qld.gov.au/about-us/history/history-topics/good-manners-chart">chart</a>, based on a set of rules devised by the Children’s National guild of Courtesy in UK primary schools in 1889, was issued to Queensland primary schools until the 1960s. It tells kids to remember the golden rule to “always do to others as you would wish them to do to you if you were in their place.” Good manners form part of the bedrock for human sociality. Childhood is when we give kids foundational training on interacting with others and help them learn how to be a culturally competent member of a society.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/237133/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, Senior Lecturer in Writing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-do-children-learn-good-manners-237133">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Margot Robbie welcomes first child

Margot Robbie has reportedly given birth to her first child with her husband, British filmmaker Tom Ackerley. According to People, the 34-year-old Australian actress gave birth to a baby boy on October 17 in Los Angeles. Her family is reportedly in the process of planning to travel out to the US. The actress known for her iconic roles in films like I, Tonya, Wolf of Wall Street and Barbie, has kept a low profile throughout her pregnancy, with friends and family also remaining tight-lipped on news of the baby. Ackerley was spotted carrying a box of nappies on the streets of LA on October 30, sparking speculation they had welcomed their baby. Robbie and Ackerley, met on the set of Suite Française in 2013, where he was an assistant director and she starred as Celine Joseph. They then married in December 2016 during a private ceremony in Byron Bay. Robbie's pregnancy was made public in July, with the couple enjoying a romantic babymoon to Sardinia, Italy a month later. The actress made her last red carpet appearance on September 9, when she attended the screening of the comedy movie she produced with her husband. Robbie has previously revealed how much she enjoys working with her husband. “I’m a great advocate of doing business with your partner,” she told Porter in 2018. “Being married is actually the most fun ever, life got way more fun somehow. I have a responsibility being someone’s wife, I want to be better." Image: CraSH/ Shutterstock Editorial

Family & Pets

Hugh Grant finally reveals his children's names

Hugh Grant has revealed the names of his two youngest daughters for the first time in a candid interview moment. The English actor and father-of-five has never announced the names of two of his children or the gender of his youngest offspring. Now, during an interview with talk show host Jimmy Kimmel, the 64-year-old finally shared that his youngest child was a girl and shared her name with viewers. During a conversation about his own unusual middle name, Mungo, he said, "I was in a bit of a panic with my wife on the day we named [our daughter]." Sharing the hilarious inspiration behind the name, he said, "We thought it might be nice for her when she was older if she could say in bars that her middle name is Danger. So, her name is Lulu Danger Grant. Austin Powers, you know?" Hugh, who also has a son named John Mungo, went on to reveal that his youngest isn't the only child in the family with a fun name. He went on to say that he and his wife Anna were stressed when naming their first daughter, and decided to ask their son for advice. "We asked her elder brother when she was on the way, 'there's a new baby coming along, what shall we call her?'", Hugh explained. "And he said 'Kevin', because that was his favourite Minion." "And we did think about calling her Kevin, but then we said, 'you'd better think of something else', and he said 'Blue', because that was his favourite colour." The announcement was out of character for Hugh, who despite being a huge Hollywood name, tends to keep his personal life out of the spotlight. Image credits: YouTube

Family & Pets

Bride's touching tribute to late father on her wedding day

"Who's going to walk me down the aisle?" those were the first words 13-year-old Bianca Accurso told her mother when she found out her father had passed away. "I knew from that moment that I needed to feel like he was going to be there right there with me [on my wedding day]," the now mum-of-one told Yahoo Lifestyle. "It was always important for me to acknowledge my dad in a special way at my wedding as he was my first love and whole world." Bianca kept her promise to her teenage self when she got married earlier this year, and the way she did it was by tracking down the man who owned her late father's car, and asking him if she could use it on her big day. "When going down the path of planning, I was writing down all that we needed to organise and tick off and ‘cars’ was one of the many things on the list," she recalled. Her husband had asked her what car she wanted for the special day, and she quickly responded "an XY GT just like my Dad’s". It was only when she brought up the topic of wedding cars to her mum that she had her "light bulb moment". "I literally then had a light bulb moment and said out loud, ‘Hey imagine if I could get it..’. I asked my Mum to see if she still had the transfer papers and contact details of the male that she sold it to after Dad had passed." It didn't take long for her to find the contact details for a man named Harold, while the phone call started a little awkwardly, once he realised who she was, they started talking like they were long lost friends. "I then proceeded to ask if he still owned my dad’s GT, to which he responded, ‘I would never sell it’. I had total goosebumps," Bianca said. <div class="embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important; width: 537px; max-width: 100%;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7430359178104802561&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40loverslenssocials%2Fvideo%2F7430359178104802561&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign-sg.tiktokcdn.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-alisg-p-0037%2FoQ4D7LDJFHhEO47CqjA4ACqIYzZIQoCfAOeHfE%3Flk3s%3Db59d6b55%26x-expires%3D1730498400%26x-signature%3DZNBsHGDfkYMa0%252F22tUjN3D3RPjE%253D%26shp%3Db59d6b55%26shcp%3D-&key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> "I then told Harold the real reason why I had called and explained to him my wish of driving to my wedding in my Dad’s GT. There was no hesitation and he quite literally responded, ‘I would be absolutely honoured to do that for you, count me in.’ I was speechless. The butterflies were fluttering in my tummy... it was a meant-to-be moment." People were moved by Bianca's story which she posted on TikTok, with the video gaining almost a million views. "Your father is watching down crying and praising that man for taking time out of his day to make yours even better ❤️❤️," one person wrote. "The pure joy and happiness on your face ❤️ your dad may have not walked you down the aisle but he made sure you arrived in style..bless this beautiful man for doing this for you on your special day🥰🥰🥰," another added. Bianca recalled the moment she saw the car for the first time, saying: "seeing my Dad’s car after 10 years was indescribable." "My smile said it all. It looked like it had never been touched. I could picture my Dad in the driver's seat with me buckled in tightly by his side. "When we were driving in it, it was pure joy and happiness! We were just so present and tried to enjoy every last moment. Harold made us feel so comfortable and gave us a ride that we will never forget." Images: Instagram/ TikTok

Family & Pets

Five reasons why owning a pet is good for us

With more pets than people, Australians have one of the world’s highest pet ownership rates with 62% of us owning at least one pet. And if you’re wondering why we’re so pet mad, research has shown the benefits include companionship, improved mental wellbeing, lower stress and better heart health. <ol> <li>Pets protect us from loneliness</li> </ol> We see our pet as part of the family. Their unconditional (and non-judgemental) love provides us companionship and help to lower stress and anxiety. Interacting with your pet increases feelings of social support and elevates mood. Dog walking increases opportunities for social interaction. When walking outside, fellow dog walkers love to say hello and introduce themselves and their dog to you. Some cafes and restaurants and hotels are dog-friendly venues too. When travelling alone, it’s wonderful to be able to take your furry companion with you. <ol start="2"> <li>Pets are good for our mental and physical well-being</li> </ol> Pet ownership brings responsibility and the need for skills to know how to best take care of them. These skills will extend to other animals, and other people. Children who have pets develop better social skills when interacting with their friends. Dog owners enjoy lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol levels and less heart disease. While owning a dog is not fully protective, the benefit of all those dog walks are they keep you fitter, healthier and less stressed. If you are unlucky enough to have a heart attack, your long-term survival rate is assisted by having a dog. While interacting with a pet for 10-12 minutes will lower your blood pressure. One of the joys of owning a pet, is the pleasure they provide, and the feeling is mutual. Gazing into the eyes of your beloved pooch, boosts levels of oxytocin our bonding molecule. Our long-standing human-dog relationship was established over 30,000 years ago. Patting or stroking our pets is soothing, especially their silky ears. This is relaxing and how delightful is it when your pet reciprocates with loud purring or offers their tummy for a rub? <ol start="3"> <li>Pets are good for our immune system</li> </ol> You’ve probably heard about your gut microbiome that’s important to keep you healthy. Being a pet owner provides you a healthier microbiome and more robust immune system by promoting more of the beneficial bacteria and lowering the level of harmful, or pathogenic bacteria in our gut. Not only that, stroking your pet raises levels of immunoglobulin A in your body that forms a physical barrier in the gut to protect you against potential invading pathogens. In addition, pregnant mums with a pet in the household are less likely to have infants with childhood allergies, asthma or obesity. <ol start="4"> <li>Pets help us cope better with pain and recovery from illness</li> </ol> Owning a pet has been shown to help manage chronic pain. Pets often sense when their owner isn’t well or in pain and will stay close by, which is very soothing. Watching our pets play and their antics can serve as a useful distraction to our struggles with pain or illness. Having your pet with you (when allowed) in a hospital setting is reassuring and can lift your mood. Animals can help in the work or learning environment. Some workplaces have an office pet policy where you’re allowed to have you pet stay with you while you work. This has been shown to be great for boosting staff morale, collaboration and overall happiness, while keeping work stress lower. <ol start="5"> <li>Pets help us better manage our own self-care</li> </ol> Self-care is always important to stay fit and healthy but isn’t something we always find easy to do. This is where taking responsibility for a pet can help. Teenagers with type one diabetes when given goldfish to care for, did better in monitoring their own blood sugar levels, while having a pet have also been shown to help younger students stay focused and on task, and achieve higher academic results. Pets enrich our lives in so many ways from improved mental well-being to lower stress, elevated mood and greater social support. Whatever type of pet you choose, remember the benefits will work both ways. Dr Jenny Brockis is a board-certified lifestyle medicine physician, workplace health and well-being consultant, and author of The Natural Advantage (Major Street Publishing). www.drjennybrockis.com Image credits: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Unlike Britain’s royal family, most of us don’t have the option to move to another country when we don’t see eye to eye. But most of us have likely experienced disagreements with loved ones. <a href="https://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/soc/faculty/heritage/Site/Publications_files/CA_as_SOCIAL_THEORY.pdf">Conversations are designed to</a> do things – to start some action, and complete it – whether it’s a service transaction, an invitation to coffee or reassurance on a bad day. Our <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZnhyDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false">uniquely complex communicative system</a> has evolved to help us get things done in the social world. Arguments are part of this complex system. They can be unavoidable, necessary or even productive. But they can also be difficult. It can be hard to know what to do when tensions are high and harsh words are flying, particularly when it involves someone you’re close to. But research on how disputes unfold – and conversation more generally – offers some ideas about the best way to handle one. <h2>What is a dispute?</h2> There are many words for disagreeing, and there are plenty of academic theories describing what disputes are and why they happen. But arguments are not abstract models. They’re lived in, breathed in, sweated in and talked (or sometimes shouted) into being. Research focusing on <a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/288351315.pdf">how disputes actually happen</a> shows they’re characterised by three types of features. First are the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606000488">vocal features</a>, which include talking in a higher pitch, louder and faster. Then, there are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1750481310395452?casa_token=MCNQWEQD6HwAAAAA:8nbyXh-cgjWzfL3syRrwybRFQl_ddHIMy9tRIAwPRAFADrgHtR2LSl9ZoUFsVlnzWPjWaKQZZ9XEVA">embodied features</a> such as aggressive gestures and avoidant stances, such as turning away from someone. Finally, there are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/01638539009544746?casa_token=BB9edpIE1oUAAAAA:FTK-JRJ2oCmG7BufkUAQX1k1_9C1Cvc12r5ynYPM6duFB-HDWhgef8Va-Rh5Z2XksR64oTcPmi4FAQ">interactional features</a> such as talking over each other, not listening or metatalk – <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=isJl2NJbSIkAAAAA:Mh-dXMfkBSGvEeoOWAoxLDjzbZ_eF-zbND-D8q4RAP5WHadqg1KUZDF_UnySFAcyb3LD-DF3BbGq1A">comments about the conversation</a> as it’s happening. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1354067X9953001?casa_token=Gje17vkyg_AAAAAA:ik_4Ze-4PIFLa6yjthOpztvJrtdVOokhRT73M8jDN4t1w0Bl7WzW2--d1vjZwanphorOH_r6jaVZdA">Displays of emotion</a> such as displeasure or anger, are also common. Participants might accuse each other of emotions or label their own emotions. Disputes happen for several reasons. What each person is doing can vary, from <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.530.8869&rep=rep1&type=pdf">complaints and accusations</a> to <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1348/014466610X500791?casa_token=r58ikQ5XFxEAAAAA:QR9wr0Fcz7q5BeSvL8soAIhKMNA1O9TcpcBaLleBKDvZ8Q5sPyX1OSg0OzSL5-xb8By5QbgNm9kHNhg">demands, threats or resistance</a>. They can be about many things – familial obligations, what to have for dinner, politics or how to plan a holiday. Luckily, disputes share elements <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2NxaC7nSetAC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false">with each other</a> and with conversation generally – so you don’t have to invent new strategies every time you’re caught in one. <h2>Affiliation and alignment</h2> When bickering with a friend or family member, there are ways to make them feel like you’re still on their side even if you disagree. If you can keep these in mind, and use them at the right time, you might stop your dispute from escalating into something harder to mend. The first thing is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781405198431.wbeal0196.pub2">affiliation</a>, which means support for the other person or their view of things. Affiliation involves phrasing what you say so it’s best <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351810903471258?casa_token=yxnWxfDAEB8AAAAA:uoHEX2dlOS06wxwlHH7TOWmmfB51qMMbzg5tadx5SeRcf_5-vABUKQZtIt0Hchu4vUlFNfCX4qRi5A">understood and easier to respond to</a>. For example, saying “you’ve been to France before, right?” invites someone to share their experience – partly by including the tag “right” at the end, which at least requires a confirmation. It can also involve categorisation, the way we talk about or treat others as <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF00142771.pdf">certain types or group members</a>. For example, if you reduce the other person to a stereotype through labelling – by saying something like “girls always say stuff like that” or “OK, boomer” – you risk provoking a response to the insult, not to the action in which that insult was embedded. The second thing we expect from any conversation is alignment – cooperating with the direction of the conversation, such as accepting or denying a request. The opposite, disalignment, might occur when a request is ignored. Alignment has more to do with the sequence of the conversation, how the dispute unfolds over time. Asking for clarification – a practice known as <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0136100">repair</a> – or <a href="https://www.jbe-platform.com/content/journals/10.1075/prag.27.1.03rob?crawler=true">claiming a misunderstanding</a> can treat problems as fixable errors rather than moral failings or attacks. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0261927X17744244">Humour can diffuse</a> conflict escalation. <h2>How to have a healthy dispute</h2> In the course of a dispute, you need to think about when to bring these tactics out. They’re more likely to yield better outcomes earlier in the dispute. By the time it’s escalated, your responses may be viewed through the prism of the dispute and <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=eFSXDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT200&ots=6tM3fJnXr1&sig=Zchtur1abh25W7ERN5Q49ASRaJc#v=onepage&q&f=false">any offensiveness</a> you’ve already displayed toward each other. In cases like this, teasing can come across as contempt, for example, and claims to misunderstand as bad-faith mockery. It can feel like disputes take on a life of their own – as if the conversation uses us rather than we use it – and this is partly because conversation can seemingly take us along for the ride (consider the difficulty of turning down invitations). We invest our identities into conversations so disputes can seem to threaten us and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=1SbOpn_2k8MAAAAA:YQ2Yb9nt-ONsmBKmVzTCx8cfl76bS5nK6_Yd8zONBVJFdJ57vwgdBDJxsXfk0aUOhilRQAF-ABA">what we stand for</a> morally. This may be starker with family, whose opinions of us often matter more than friends or colleagues, for example. It’s always worth stopping to reflect on what a dispute is really for, whether what you’re saying lines up with your goals and whether taking a stand is worth it.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159565/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/arguing-with-the-people-you-love-how-to-have-a-healthy-family-dispute-159565">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

"Psycho": Biographer reveals truth about Queen Elizabeth's corgis

The late Queen Elizabeth's love for her corgis was well known throughout her reign, but a new book suggests the pups weren't as sweet as they seemed. The late monarch was a fan of corgis and dorgis – a mix breed between a corgi and dachshund, and she bred them from a young age, owning a total of 83 over 14 generations. In his new biography, A Voyage Around the Queen, Journalist Craig Brown has revealed that the Queen's dogs were actually "psycho" and known for their unpredictable temperament. While it was a common trait for their breed, Brown claims that the lineage bred by the Queen was particularly nightmarish, especially her first Corgi, Dookie. "Dookie did not restrict his aggression to humans: he would happily attack the dining room chairs at Royal Lodge, the family home in Windsor Great Park," he shared. He claimed that Dookie even once bit a politician who came to visit. According to Brown, the corgi's disposition for violence was passed down from generation to generation, even recalling what the Queen's first dorgi, Honey, was like. "In 1984, Piper, the great-great-great-grand dorgi of Honey sank his teeth in several victims, including the Queen Mother and Prince Edward," explained Brown. The journalist added that Piper was then handed over to Princess Anne, who allegedly has a "soft spot for nippers and biters." The late Queen did eventually figure out how to keep the violence at bay, although the method itself is a little strange. "Coincidentally, the way to scare off a belligerent corgi is the same as for a belligerent human being: a blast from the bagpipes," Brown wrote. "Happily, the Queen always kept a set of bagpipes at hand." Images: Instagram/ thequeenscorgis

Family & Pets

“Is it really that bad?”: New mum slammed for baby name choice

One woman has taken to social media to explain her dilemma after people around her made her second-guess the name she and her husband chose for their unborn son. The woman shared her situation on Reddit, and explained that the name has a special family significance to her, but so far people around her have absolutely hated it. "My grandpa was my favourite person in the whole world. Growing up, I always loved his name because I thought it was unique and I loved him. I always said if I had a son I would name him after my grandpa," she explained in the post. "Now I'm pregnant, and the very few people I've told the name to HATE IT. The name is Earl. Is it really that bad?" She added that she doesn't want her son to grow up hating his name, but she still wants to use it as it is so special to her. "Few other things: husband is on board and loves it, and it does sound really nice with our last name," she added. Many of the commenters urged her to go with the name if she loves it and to disregard what anyone else says. "This. Is. Your. Baby You don't need to poll the audience or tell anyone the baby's name before he is born. Protect your peace, and Earl's," replied one person. "I love Earl! Easy to say and spell. Uncommon but not made up. The emotional connection is wonderful too!" commented another. "It's a lovely name!!! Don't let other people shame you out of using it because you'll regret listening to them later," a third person assured her. "Earl is dated and country but it's cute and it means something to you and you both love it. It will be fine," another woman said. Some suggested that if she was really struggling with the name after the hate she received, there are other ways to incorporate it. "It's extremely dated but not bad. I personally think it's better as a middle name," replied one person. Image: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

Matthew Perry's sister and step-dad break silence

Matthew Perry's younger sister and step-dad have opened up about the actor's death for the first time since his passing one year ago. Keith Morrison married Perry's mum in 1981 and couple soon after welcomed their first daughter and Perry's half-sister, Caitlin Morrison. In an interview with Hello! Canada Keith said that Matthew's death at just 54-years-old was "incredibly shocking". "Anybody who has lost a child will tell you that, even if you are in some way prepared for the possibility, it's shattering." "What we have decided to do is hang on to that determination and try to do something useful," Keith continued. He added that the late Friends star would want to be "remembered for doing something to help people suffering from addiction," something that Perry himself had been battling. Perry's sister, Caitlin, is the Executive Director of the Matthew Perry Foundation of Canada, a separate entity that expands on the work done by the Matthew Perry Foundation in the US. She explained that the work she is doing at the foundation allows her to still feel close to her brother. "The work that I'm doing now is very selfish because it kind of feels like I'm sitting right next to Matthew, working with him every day on something that was important to him," she shared. "I have this treasure of getting to keep him very, very close to my life all the time, which is wonderful." Caitlin works on the foundation alongside both of her parents, and the actor's childhood friend Brian Murray, as well as mental health professional Cara Vaccarino. Image: Instagram <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;">Need to talk to someone? Don't go it alone. <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 1rem; color: #212529; font-family: -apple-system, 'system-ui', 'Segoe UI', Roboto, 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif, 'Apple Color Emoji', 'Segoe UI Emoji', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Noto Color Emoji'; font-size: 16px; background-color: #ffffff;">Lifeline: 0800 543 354, <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #258440; text-decoration-line: none; background-color: transparent; transition: 0.2s ease-in-out;" href="https://www.lifeline.org.nz/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lifeline.org.nz</a>

Family & Pets

We know parents shape their children’s reading – but so can aunts, uncles and grandparents, by sharing beloved books

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-grace-baulch-1399683">Emily Grace Baulch</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> <a href="https://creative.gov.au/news/media-releases/revealing-reading-a-survey-of-australian-reading-habits/">Over 80%</a> of Australians with children encourage them to read. Children whose parents enjoy reading are <a href="https://www.booktrust.org.uk/news-and-features/news/news-2023/new-research-from-booktrust-reveals-the-impact-of-parental-reading-enjoyment-on-childrens-reading-habits/">20% more likely</a> to enjoy it too. My research has found parents aren’t the only family members who play an important role in developing a passion for reading – extended family, from grandparents to siblings, uncles and great-aunts, also influence readers’ connections to books. I surveyed 160 Australian readers about their home bookshelves and reading habits. More than 80% of them acknowledged the significant influence of family in what and how they read. Reading to children is often <a href="https://www.booktrust.org.uk/globalassets/resources/research/booktrust-family-survey-research-briefing-2-reading-influencers.pdf">the invisible workload of mothers</a>: 95% of mothers read to children, compared to 67% of fathers. Yet intriguingly, those I surveyed – whose ages ranged from their early 20s to their 70s – collectively talked about books being passed down across eight generations. Family members were associated with their most valued books – and their identities as readers. <h2>Treasured possessions</h2> Books passed down through generations often become treasured possessions, embodying a shared family history. One person discussed an old hardcover copy of <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com.au/9780732284350/blinky-bill/">Blinky Bill</a> by Dorothy Wall. Originally given to her father and his siblings by their great-aunt in 1961, the book’s pages are now discoloured and falling out. “Although I always think of my mother as having been my reading role model,” she wrote, “actually my father had an equally big impact, just in another way.” Her father is a central organising figure on her home bookshelf: she has dedicated a whole shelf to the books he liked. The story she tells about his old copy of Blinky Bill, however, crosses generations. The book’s battered state is a testament to its longevity and well-loved status. Its inscription to her family members makes the copy unique and irreplaceable. Another person remembered a set of Dickens’ novels, complete with margin notes and century-old newspaper clippings, carefully stored with her most special books. These volumes, initially owned by her great-great-grandmother and later gifted by her great-aunt, represent a reading bond passed down through generations. Such books can never be replaced, no matter how many copies might be in circulation. These books are closely associated with memories and experiences – they are invaluable for who they represent. A third person has her father’s “old” Anne McCaffrey’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/40323-dragonriders-of-pern">Dragonriders of Pern</a> series: he read it to her as a teenager, then passed it down. The book “sparked” her interest in science-fiction, and she now intends to pass it on to her own teenager. Her book, too, is “battered”, with “chunks falling out when you read it”. The cover is falling off. The deteriorating state of a book is part of the book’s legacy. It shows how loved it has been. Reading passions can be deliberately cultivated through family, but their value is less connected to reading comprehension or literacy than a sense of connection through sharing. Inherited, much-loved books bind families together. They can anchor absent family members to the present. These books can come to symbolise love, connection and loss. The family members who’ve passed down their books might not be physically present in children’s lives – they may not be reading aloud to them at bedtime – but through their books, they can have a strong presence in their loved ones’ memories. That indelible trace can be sustained into adulthood. <h2>Buying books for the next generation</h2> Another way relatives contribute to a family reading legacy is by buying new copies of much-loved books for the next generation. Theresa Sheen, from The Quick Brown Fox, a specialist children’s bookstore in Brisbane, notes that customers often ask for copies of books they had when they were younger. They may have read them to their children and now want them for their grandchildren. For example, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/40767-the-baby-sitters-club">The Babysitters Club series</a> by Ann M. Martin was mentioned multiple times as a nostalgic favourite, now being sought after by grandparents. Readers’ habits of re-buying favourite books can affect the publishing industry. With older children’s classics still selling, publishers seek to update the text to reflect contemporary cultural mores. Enid Blyton is one author who endures through intergenerational love and nostalgia. However, her work is regularly <a href="https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/books-magazines/books/enid-blytons-famous-five-books-edited-to-remove-offensive-words/news-story/47a63bb79a5d870f19aed58b19469bb5">edited and bowdlerised</a> to update it. Books can be imbued with the voices and emotions of others. They are more than just physical objects – they are vessels of shared experiences that can be passed down, up and across generations. This enduring bond between family members does more than preserve individual stories. It actively shapes and sustains a vibrant reading culture.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/232372/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-grace-baulch-1399683">Emily Grace Baulch</a>, Producer at Ludo Studio & Freelance Editor, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/we-know-parents-shape-their-childrens-reading-but-so-can-aunts-uncles-and-grandparents-by-sharing-beloved-books-232372">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Are cats good for our health?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/susan-hazel-402495">Susan Hazel</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a> Cats have lived with humans for <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41559-017-0202">thousands of years</a>. And <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20240923-100-year-old-cat-memes-that-predate-the-internet">long before</a> cat memes and viral <a href="https://theconversation.com/tiktok-says-orange-cats-are-dumb-and-tortoiseshell-cats-have-an-attitude-but-how-true-is-that-218033">TikToks</a> took over the internet, they’ve been comforting us with their purrs and making us laugh with their weird antics. But what does the research say – are cats good for us? Living with a cat can have a profound – and sometimes surprising – effect on our physical and mental health. Still, living with cats is not without risks. <h2>Part of the family</h2> You may have heard cats don’t have owners, they have “staff”. In fact, multiple studies show the humans who live with them feel more like beloved relatives. In a <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/19/1/193">study</a> of 1,800 Dutch cat owners, half said their cat was family. One in three viewed their cat as a child or best friend and found them loyal, supportive and empathetic. Another US study developed a “<a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/veterinary-science/articles/10.3389/fvets.2021.812922/full">family bondedness</a>” scale and found cats were just as important a part of families as dogs. Many cats would choose <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0376635716303424">human interaction</a> over food or toys. And <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10071-022-01674-w">they can distinguish</a> when we are talking to them (rather than another human). In fact we’ve adapted to each other. Cats are <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-73426-0">more likely</a> to approach human strangers who first give a “kitty kiss” – narrowing your eyes and blinking slowly. And research suggests cats have developed <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-cats-meow-at-humans-more-than-each-other-232865">specific meows</a> that tune into our nurturing instincts. What does this close relationship mean for health outcomes? <h2>A sense of purpose</h2> Owning a pet is associated with <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-022-02332-9">less social isolation</a>. And <a href="https://www.cabidigitallibrary.org/doi/full/10.1079/hai.2021.0006">some cat owners</a> say “providing for the cat” increases their feelings of enjoyment and sense of purpose. But the benefits of the relationship may depend on how you relate to your cat. <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/11/6/1601">One study</a> looked at different relationship styles between humans and cats, including “remote”, “casual” and “co-dependent”. It found people whose relationship with their cat was co-dependent or like a friend had a higher emotional connection to their pet. <h2>Links to heart health</h2> People who own – or have owned – a cat have a <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3317329/">lower risk</a> of dying from cardiovascular diseases such as stroke or heart disease. This result has been repeated in several <a href="https://journals.lww.com/jcardiovascularmedicine/fulltext/2020/05000/association_between_pet_ownership_and.3.aspx?casa_token=JmAlt8nNRAUAAAAA:NdUb0DK3DF6Fej0Vrx9t55JK-HZPmE7F1teQeDCCt3vy0Ha3aSNwZeA4KMcTVm-4ZWz1n-rEVUhIE62CUcfXhAn0sA5RQg">studies</a>. However a problem interpreting population studies is they only tell us about an association. This means while people with cats have lower risk of dying from cardiovascular diseases, we can’t say for sure cats are the cause. Cat ownership has also been associated with some positive changes in the <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0253133">gut microbiota</a>, especially in women, such as improved blood glucose control and reduced inflammation. <h2>Helping mental health</h2> Having cat or dog is also associated with <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08927936.2023.2182029">higher psychological well-being</a>. For people with depression, patting or playing with their cat <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.2752/089279399787000066">has been shown</a> to reduce symptoms (although this was over a short, two-hour period and can’t be extrapolated longer-term). Another way to find out about the health impact of cats is qualitative research: asking people what their cats mean to them, beyond the numbers. When colleagues and I <a href="https://www.cabidigitallibrary.org/doi/full/10.1079/hai.2023.0013">surveyed veterans</a>, we found people more attached to their pets actually had poorer mental health scores. But their survey responses told a different story. One respondent said, “my cats are the reason I get up in the morning”. Another wrote: <blockquote> I consider my pet to be a service animal. My cat helps me to relax when I’m dealing with my anxiety, depression or when I wake during the night from the frequent nightmares I have. My cat isn’t just a pet to me, my cat is a part of me, my cat is part of my family. </blockquote> It may be that veterans were more attached to their cats because they had worse mental health – and relied on their cats more for comfort – rather than the other way around. <h2>Mental health downsides</h2> It is possible being attached to your cat has downsides. If your cat becomes sick, the burden of caring for them may have a negative impact on your mental health. <a href="https://bvajournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/vetr.836?casa_token=g2tT-K2uFUcAAAAA%3AkxrkxlT5voEB8-GpKtiY2pX8qCDgFMjqDZPNS5L2AavYLAlfs6CG_wtsICp7bv-a3TtPMclLHl8edNE">In our study</a> of owners whose cats had epilepsy, around one third experienced a clinical level of burden as caregivers that was likely to interfere with their day-to-day functioning. <h2>Toxoplasmosis</h2> Cats can also carry <a href="https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/zoonoses">zoonotic</a> diseases, which are infections which spread from animals to humans. They are the main host for <a href="https://www.vet.cornell.edu/departments-centers-and-institutes/cornell-feline-health-center/health-information/feline-health-topics/toxoplasmosis-cats">toxoplasmosis</a>, a parasite excreted in cat faeces which can affect other mammals, including humans. The parasite is more likely to be carried by <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0304401720301254?casa_token=hp10VTR-NcEAAAAA:SHRRFC7kULN2idlaOttl6VKIaH2FSSNtM6SMEzW3kK8EeZsUZNYSNcNd16Y8Sm8oItsPE9TTpdk">feral cats</a> that hunt for their food than domestic cats. Most people have <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s13071-021-04769-4">mild symptoms</a> that may be similar to flu. But <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/toxoplasmosis">infection during pregnancy</a> can lead to miscarriage or stillbirth, or cause problems for the baby including blindness and seizures. Pregnant women and people with lowered immunity are <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/toxoplasmosis">most at risk</a>. It is recommended these groups don’t empty cat litter trays, or use gloves if they have to. Changing the litter tray daily prevents the parasite <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/dpdx/toxoplasmosis/index.html#:%7E:text=Life%20Cycle&text=Unsporulated%20oocysts%20are%20shed%20in,the%20environment%20and%20become%20infective.">reaching a stage</a> that could infect people. <h2>Allergies</h2> Up to one in five people have an <a href="https://theconversation.com/do-hypoallergenic-cats-even-exist-3-myths-dispelled-about-cat-allergies-191662">allergy to cats</a> and this is increasing. When cats lick their fur, their saliva deposits an allergen. When their fur and <a href="https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/17702-pet-allergies">dander</a> (flakes of skin) come loose, it can set off an allergic reaction. People without severe allergies can still live with cats if they regularly wash their hands, clean surfaces and vacuum to eliminate dander. They can also exclude cats from areas they want to be allergen-free, such as bedrooms. While cats can provoke allergic reactions, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1945892420932487?casa_token=0H_y7qS3NMwAAAAA%3A3dIpa1GNTqFWXHgszpVm7JzcVkmb4EHpE8IEXtlnK1VtMGGH-FkKvMcO5uc1JjTdzC6Q-7RR9UP-ZQ">there is also evidence</a> contact with cats can have a protective role in preventing asthma and allergic reactions developing. This is because exposure may modify the immune system, making it less likely allergic reactions will occur.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/238993/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/susan-hazel-402495">Susan Hazel</a>, Associate Professor, School of Animal and Veterinary Science, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/are-cats-good-for-our-health-238993">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

"God's problem now": Man's hilarious obituary for his father goes viral

A man's hilarious obituary for his father has gone viral, after he claimed his late dad's antics were "God's problem now." Texas man Charles Boehm wrote the obituary for his father Robert, who died at the age of 74 on October 6th after he fell and hit his head. When Charles was given the task of writing the notice for his father, he wanted to make it funny in a way that would reflect his dad's character, rather than making it a sombre and serious obit. “Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over ‘some stupid bleeping thing’ and hitting his head on the floor,” the obituary read. He joked that his Catholic father managed to get his mother pregnant three times in five years, allowing him to avoid getting drafted to fight in the Vietnam War. “Much later, with Robert possibly concerned about the brewing conflict in Grenada, Charles was born in 1983,” Charles wrote. “This lack of military service was probably for the best, as when taking up shooting as a hobby in his later years, he managed to blow not one, but two holes in the dash of his own car on two separate occasions, which unfortunately did not even startle, let alone surprise, his dear wife Dianne, who was much accustomed to such happenings in his presence and may have actually been safer in the jungles of Vietnam the entire time.” Charles wrote of his father's hilarious hobby, saying, “Robert also kept a wide selection of harmonicas on hand — not to play personally, but to prompt his beloved dogs to howl continuously at odd hours of the night to entertain his many neighbours, and occasionally to give to his many, many, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren to play loudly during long road trips with their parents.” Earlier this year, Robert’s wife and Charles’ mother, Dianne, passed away, with Charles writing that God had “finally” shown her mercy and given her some peace and quiet. “Without Dianne to gleefully entertain, Robert shifted his creative focus to the entertainment of you, the fine townspeople of Clarendon, Texas. Over the last eight months, if you have not met Robert or seen his road show yet, you probably would have soon,” the obituary read. “We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert’s antics up to this point, but he is God’s problem now.” The obit was shared to social media and quickly went viral, with many praising Charles for his unique and heartfelt writing. “You ever read an obituary and think, ‘Dang, I’m sorry I never had the chance to meet them. They seemed pretty cool’. That’s me with this guy,” one person wrote. Image credits: dignitymemorial.com

Family & Pets

Princess Eugenie's sweet birthday tribute to Fergie

Princess Eugenie has celebrated her mum's 65th birthday with a special tribute. Sarah Ferguson's youngest daughter took to Instagram to share a series of images, including one of Fergie with one of her grandkids. "Happy birthday to my beautiful mumma," Princess Eugenie's caption began. "So proud of the Grannie you are, the mum you are and the woman you are. "You're an inspiration and our endless chats bring me so much happiness and incredible support." She also included a photo of with Fergie's sister Jane, who lives in Australia, as well as a photo with Princess Beatrice. The Duchess of York took to comments to share her appreciation for her daughters, saying: "Thank you my wonderful, kind, and beautiful daughters ❤️" <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DBJT89iCsHc/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DBJT89iCsHc/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Princess Eugenie (@princesseugenie)</a> </div> </blockquote> Royal fans shared their also shared their birthday wishes in the comments, with one writing: "Happy birthday to her! What a wonderful role model she is x." "This is why you endured the trials and tribulations of life so that you could have those happy moments with your children and your sweet grandchildren. And there are more to come," another commented. "Happy birthday to your lovely mama," another wrote. The year has been both rewarding and challenging for the Duchess of York, who was diagnosed with <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/fergie-breaks-silence-amid-second-cancer-battle" target="_blank" rel="noopener">skin cancer </a>earlier this year, her second cancer diagnosis. Despite all her trials, she recently shared her excitement at being a grandmother again, following news that her eldest daughter, Princess Beatrice, is pregnant with her second child. "Such an incredible blessing and an embrace to my heart," she wrote in a social media post at the time. "Wolfie, August, Ernie and Sienna will be over the moon to have the fifth member of the five aside!" Images: Instagram

Family & Pets

The science of happier dogs: 5 tips to help your canine friends live their best life

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/mia-cobb-15211">Mia Cobb</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a> When you hear about “science focused on how dogs can live their best lives with us” it sounds like an imaginary job made up by a child. However, the field of <a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/podcast/ourchangingworld?share=2ec8e0ad-5008-4b2d-ae2e-a288e2a77f50">animal welfare science is real</a> and influential. As our most popular animal companion and coworker, dogs are very deserving of scientific attention. In recent years we’ve learned more about <a href="https://theconversation.com/dogs-can-get-dementia-but-lots-of-walks-may-lower-the-risk-189297">how dogs are similar to people</a>, but also how they are distinctly themselves. We often think about how dogs help us – as companions, <a href="https://theconversation.com/meet-moss-the-detection-dog-helping-tassie-devils-find-love-142909">working as detectors</a>, and keeping us <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-owning-a-dog-good-for-your-health-238888">safe and healthy</a>. Dog-centric science helps us <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/veterinary-science/articles/10.3389/fvets.2021.666898/full">think about the world from a four-paw perspective</a> and apply this new knowledge so dogs can enjoy a good life. Here are five tips to keep the tails in your life wagging happily. <h2>1. Let dogs sniff</h2> Sniffing <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/animal-emotions/201902/allowing-dogs-sniff-helps-them-think-positively">makes dogs happier</a>. We tend to forget they live in a smell-based world because we’re so visual. Often taking the dog for a walk is our daily physical activity but we should remember it could be our dogs’ only time out of the home environment. Letting them have a really good sniff of that tree or post is full of satisfying information for them. It’s their nose’s equivalent of us standing at the top of a mountain and enjoying a rich, colour-soaked, sunset view. <h2>2. Give dogs agency</h2> Agency is a <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/veterinary-science/articles/10.3389/fvets.2023.1284869/full">hot topic in animal welfare science</a> right now. For people who lived through the frustration of strict lockdowns in the early years of COVID, it’s easy to remember how not being able to go where we wanted, or see who we wanted, when we wanted, impacted our mental health. We’ve now learned that <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/veterinary-science/articles/10.3389/fvets.2023.1250251/full">giving animals choice and control</a> in their lives is important for their mental wellbeing too. We can help our dogs enjoy better welfare by creating more choices and offering them control to exercise their agency. This might be installing a doggy door so they can go outside or inside when they like. It could be letting them decide which sniffy path to take through your local park. Perhaps it’s choosing which three toys to play with that day from a larger collection that gets rotated around. Maybe it’s putting an old blanket down in a new location where you’ve noticed the sun hits the floor for them to relax on. Providing choices doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. <h2>3. Recognise all dogs are individuals</h2> People commonly ascribe certain personality traits to certain dog breeds. But just like us, dogs have their own personalities <a href="https://scitechdaily.com/food-vs-toys-scientists-reveal-what-dogs-truly-prefer/">and preferences</a>. Not all dogs are going to like the same things and a new dog we live with may be completely different to the last one. One dog might like to go to the dog park and run around with other dogs at high speed for an hour, while another dog would much rather hang out with you chewing on something in the garden. We can see as much <a href="https://www.science.org/content/article/your-dog-s-breed-doesn-t-determine-its-personality-study-suggests">behavioural variation within breeds as we do between them</a>. Being prepared to meet dogs where they are, as individuals, is important to their welfare. As well as noticing what dogs like to do as individuals, it’s important not to force dogs into situations they don’t enjoy. <a href="https://www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/pets/dogs/behaviour/understanding">Pay attention to behaviour</a> that indicates dogs aren’t comfortable, such as looking away, licking their lips or yawning. <h2>4. Respect dogs’ choice to opt out</h2> Even in our homes, we can provide options if our dogs don’t want to share in every activity with us. Having a quiet place that dogs can retreat to is really important in enabling them to opt out if they want to. If you’re watching television loudly, it may be too much for <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/canine-corner/202407/how-good-is-a-dogs-hearing-compared-to-humans">their sensitive ears</a>. Ensure a door is open to another room so they can retreat. Some dogs might feel overwhelmed when visitors come over; giving them somewhere safe and quiet to go rather than forcing an interaction will help them cope. Dogs can be terrific role models for children when teaching empathy. We can demonstrate consent by letting dogs approach us for pats and depart when they want. Like seeing exotic animals perform in circuses, dressing up dogs for our own entertainment seems to have had its day. If you asked most dogs, they don’t want to wear costumes or be part of your Halloween adventures. <h2>5. Opportunities for off-lead activity – safely.</h2> When dogs are allowed to run off-lead, they use space differently. They tend to explore more widely and go faster than they do when walking with us on-lead. This offers them important and fun physical activity to keep them fit and healthy. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2AchEFiDwA8?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>Demonstrating how dogs walk differently when on- and off-lead.</figcaption></figure> A recent exploration of <a href="https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/we-checked-if-melbourne-really-is-a-dog-friendly-city">how liveable cities are for dogs</a> mapped all the designated areas for dogs to run off-leash. Doggy density ranged from one dog for every six people to one dog for every 30 people, depending on where you live. It also considered how access to these areas related to the annual registration fees for dogs in each government area compared, with surprising differences noted across greater Melbourne. We noted fees varied between A$37 and $84, and these didn’t relate to how many off-lead areas you could access. For dog-loving nations, such as Australia, helping our canine friends live their best life feels good. <a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/afternoons/audio/2018957756/our-changing-world-the-science-behind-dog-welfare">Science that comes from a four-paw perspective</a> can help us reconsider our everyday interactions with dogs and influence positive changes so we can live well, together.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/236952/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/mia-cobb-15211">Mia Cobb</a>, Research Fellow, Animal Welfare Science Centre, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-science-of-happier-dogs-5-tips-to-help-your-canine-friends-live-their-best-life-236952">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Mick Jagger welcomes new grandchild

Mick Jagger has become a grandpa again as his 32-year-old daughter, Georgia May, welcomed her first baby with boyfriend Cambryan Sedlick. "Our Son Dean Lee Jagger Sedlick was born September 30th," she announced on Instagram with a series of polaroid photos of the pair and their bub. "We are so in Love and happy and can't stop staring at him." Georgia first announced she was pregnant in June, sharing photos of her baby bump to Instagram. She also thanked her boyfriend for "being so incredible through everything and taking such good care of us". The photo was flooded with congratulatory messages from fellow celebrities including from Daisy Jones & The Six actress Suki Waterhouse and Meadow Walker, daughter of the late Fast and Furious actor Paul Walker. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DA8YB_MiiJ-/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DA8YB_MiiJ-/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Georgia May Jagger (@georgiamayjagger)</a> </div> </blockquote> "Cutest parents ever ❤️" Suki wrote. In one of the photos, Jerry Hall had her arms around her daughter as she smiled for the photo with her new grandchild. Jerry and Mick were together from 1977 to 1999 and share four children together, Elizabeth, 40, Georgia May, James, 39, and Gabriel, 26. The Rolling Stones frontman is also father to daughter Karis, 53, whom he welcomed with ex Marsha Hunt, daughter Jade, 53, whom he shares with ex-wife Bianca Jagger, son Lucas, 25, whom he welcomed with ex Luciana Gimenez. He also shares a seven-year-old son with his current partner Melanie Hamrick. Images: Instagram

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