"I was terrified": Law & Order star reveals traumatic past
<p><em>Warning: This story contains graphic content.</em></p>
<p>Mariska Hargitay, who plays Olivia Benson, a character that investigate rapists on <em>Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, </em>has revealed that she too is a victim of sexual assault. </p>
<p>The actress opened up about her traumatic past in a powerful essay written for <a href="https://people.com/mariska-hargitay-experience-rape-renewal-reckoning-8424247" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>People Magazine</em></a>, where she revealed that she was raped by “a friend" when she was in her thirties. </p>
<p>"A man raped me in my thirties," she bravely revealed in the essay. </p>
<p>"It wasn’t sexual at all. It was dominance and control. Overpowering control."</p>
<p>The actress revealed that he was a friend who "made a unilateral decision" and recalled the fear she felt when the incident occurred. </p>
<p>"He grabbed me by the arms and held me down. I was terrified," she said. </p>
<p>"I didn’t want it to escalate to violence. I now know it was already sexual violence, but I was afraid he would become physically violent.</p>
<p>"I went into freeze mode, a common trauma response when there is no option to escape. I checked out of my body," she recalled. </p>
<p>Hargitay, who is the daughter of the late actress Jane Mansfield, said that she never thought of herself as a "survivor", and often "minimised" what happened to her when she talked about it with others. </p>
<p>"My husband Peter remembers me saying, “I mean, it wasn’t rape," she wrote. </p>
<p>"Then things started shifting in me, and I began talking about it more in earnest with those closest to me. They were the first ones to call it what it was."</p>
<p>The actress said that she wants other survivors to feel "no shame" about sexual assault and wants "this violence to end." </p>
<p>She added that justice "may look different for each survivor," but for her she wants "an acknowledgment and an apology" after what happened. </p>
<p>"This is a painful part of my story. The experience was horrible. But it doesn’t come close to defining me, in the same way that no other single part of my story defines me," she concluded, adding that she feels for all sexual violence survivors. </p>
<p>"I’m turning 60, and I’m so deeply grateful for where I am. I’m renewed and I’m flooded with compassion for all of us who have suffered. And I’m still proudly in process."</p>
<p>Hargitay started her own foundation, the Joyful Heart Foundation, in 2004 to help survivors of sexual assault. </p>
<p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>
