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Lost touch with someone? Reach out – your friend will likely appreciate it more than you think

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peggy-liu-818769">Peggy Liu</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-min-1354136">Lauren Min</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-kansas-1588">University of Kansas</a></em></p> <h2>The big idea</h2> <p>The next time you wonder whether to reach out to a friend, family member, classmate or other person who’s been out of touch for a long time, go ahead and do it. According to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402">our just-published research</a>, it’s likely they’ll appreciate it more than you think.</p> <p>In a series of 13 experiments involving over 5,900 participants, we – along with colleagues <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=0Stzf1cAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">SoYon Rim</a> and <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=TZQefJAAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">Kate Min</a> – wanted to investigate whether people accurately predict <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402">how much their social contacts appreciate being reached out to</a>.</p> <p>In one experiment we conducted, college students wrote a note “to check in and say hello” to a classmate they hadn’t interacted with in a while. Then we asked them how much they thought their classmate would appreciate receiving this note.</p> <p>Next, we delivered these notes to their classmates and asked the recipients how much they appreciated receiving them.</p> <p>We found that the students who received the notes were much more appreciative of the gesture than the students who wrote them had anticipated.</p> <p>Other experiments varied the scenario by involving older adults as participants rather than college students, switching the written message to a small gift – such as cookies or coffee – and comparing how much the sender underestimated the appreciation that an emotionally distant contact would feel compared with a close contact.</p> <p>Overall they yielded the same basic finding: People tended to underestimate how much others appreciated hearing from them.</p> <p>What drives this underestimation? Our results suggest that it’s related to how little the people reaching out factor in the surprise felt by those being contacted. When we asked recipients what they focused on when indicating how appreciative they felt, they reported paying a lot of attention to their positive feelings of surprise, which were linked to how appreciative they felt.</p> <p>Comparatively, potential senders did not report focusing much on recipients’ positive feelings of surprise.</p> <p>It also mattered whether the two parties were already in a close relationship. People’s underestimations were even greater when their contact was a distant acquaintance because these recipients were especially surprised at being contacted.</p> <h2>Why it matters</h2> <p>Many people can name at least one person with whom they would like to reconnect. Taking a new job, moving to a different city, becoming a parent, or the busyness of everyday life – these are just some of the life events and circumstances that can cause people to lose touch. Then, if the desire to reconnect arises on one side, doubts may arise about whether the other person may appreciate being contacted out of the blue.</p> <p>When people consider taking the initiative to reach out, especially after a prolonged period of no contact, they may worry about being rejected. This worry might keep them from reaching out in the first place.</p> <p>Our research lessens this challenge by showing that often, these gestures will be much more appreciated than one might expect.</p> <h2>What other research is being done</h2> <p>Our findings fit within a growing stream of research examining the tendency to underestimate others’ appreciation of various social exchanges. For example, other researchers have found that people underestimate how much <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000277">others appreciate receiving compliments</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618772506">expressions of gratitude</a>.</p> <p>Our work adds to this area by broadening the scope of the contexts in which people underestimate how much social exchanges are appreciated. Reaching out could but need not require giving compliments or expressing gratitude – the gesture can be as simple as checking in with someone to show that one is thinking about them.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/185001/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peggy-liu-818769">Peggy Liu</a>, Ben L. Fryrear Chair in Marketing and Associate Professor of Business Administration, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-min-1354136">Lauren Min</a>, Assistant Professor of Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-kansas-1588">University of Kansas</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/lost-touch-with-someone-reach-out-your-friend-will-likely-appreciate-it-more-than-you-think-185001">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Readers response: What do you regret not appreciating more when you were younger?

<p>When it comes to ageing, we often learn to appreciate things that we often dismissed when we were younger. </p> <p>We asked our readers what they have only truly started to appreciate with age, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Ross Forbes</strong> - Being brought up on a farm in a family environment where I was taught excellent work ethics and the value of community.</p> <p><strong>Alice McMurdo</strong> - The beauty of the scenery in Scotland and not taking the opportunity to see more of the beautiful countryside when I had the chance. </p> <p><strong>Pat Isaacs</strong> - My health and energy.</p> <p><strong>Esther Miller</strong> - Not having to pay bills. I now understand why my daddy was always telling us cut off the light, shut the door, stop wasting food, do not pour more milk than you are going to drink. I remember him saying "wait till you have to pay for it yourselves". Lesson learned.</p> <p><strong>Marie Chong</strong> - My parents. </p> <p><strong>Rosalie Jones</strong> - Movement without pain. </p> <p><strong>Michelle Nightingale</strong> - My family. </p> <p><strong>Sally O'Neill</strong> - Being happy and free, not having any responsibilities to worry about.</p> <p><strong>Chris Gray</strong> - My mum. If only I had known what I now know.</p> <p><strong>Margie Buckingham</strong> - My ability to always be employed and buy my first house at 21. Also, my upbringing and great start my parents gave me by ensuring I went to a good school and studied hard.</p> <p><strong>Kerri Anderson</strong> - Being younger. </p> <p><strong>Linda Kauffman</strong> - My mother. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Family & Pets

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Appreciating the 50-year-old brain: “Ages like fine wine”

<p>It’s no secret that the big five-oh may come with a few unwanted health complaints. A few more jiggly bits that weren’t there a decade ago. Some aches and pains, perhaps. Definitely more hair in unwanted places.</p> <p>But like a fine wine (and hopefully if you haven’t quaffed too much of it over your time on the planet), there is one part of the body that’s actually doing better in a lot of ways than it did when you were younger.</p> <p>Believe it or not, it’s your brain. Sure, you’re not as good at multitasking as you used to be, and things are possibly operating a little slower up there too – which can be annoying when grappling with a particularly tricky Sudoko or trying to remember Cousin Janet’s daughter’s name. But your brain has learned to compensate for its slightly slower processing speed by using more of itself, according to studies – something it simply couldn’t or didn’t do when you’re younger. Pretty amazing, right?</p> <p>In <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3359129/">one study</a>, an MRI taken of a teenager working through a problem shows mainly activity on one side of the brain, the area used for conscious reasoning. The amazing upshot of doing the same test on a middle-aged person? It shows both sides of the brain sharing the task equally.</p> <p>And, research involving air-traffic controllers and airline pilots found that those between the ages of 50 and 69 took more time to learn new equipment than their younger counterparts, but once they had, they made fewer mistakes while using it.</p> <p>Experts also say the 50-year-old brain is more adept at making rational decisions and has better judgement – helped, no doubt, by a lifetime of memories and experiences. You’re also far more likely to make smarter financial decisions, and enjoy better impulse control (something many of us probably couldn’t lay claim to in our youth).</p> <p>The 50-year-old brain can reportedly also adapt, absorb new information and gain new skills and wisdom, too. Your reasoning is better. When faced with a problem, you may be slower to come up with a solution, but the one you put on the table will no doubt be more elegant and shrewder than that of a younger person. Research shows you’re better able to articulate in your 50s and you continue expanding your vocabulary as you age, too. (Clearly, there are good reasons why the <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com.au/this-is-what-you-need-to-become-a-ceo-of-an-asx-200-company-2014-10">average age of CEOs</a> in Australia – men and women – is 54).</p> <p>So, you’re probably feeling smarter, wiser, calmer and more mature right about now. Rightly so; you and your brain have earned it. But that’s not to say you should rest on your, er, noggin.</p> <p>In fact, if you want to keep your brain in its prime for as long as possible, maintaining a healthy weight and doing as much as you can to challenge your grey matter are key in staying sharp and strong upstairs. <a href="http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/regular-exercise-changes-brain-improve-memory-thinking-skills-201404097110">Exercise is huge too</a>: it’s well documented some daily cardiovascular activity can go a long way towards maintaining good brain function (particularly the area involved in verbal memory and learning). Lifting weights may work your guns, but it seems you’ve got to break a sweat for your brain to enjoy the knock-on effects.</p> <p>The best news, though, is that you’ve got a heap of ammo to whip out next time a younger family member starts joking about your doddery ‘senior moments’. You now know better than anyone that you’re far more of a braniac than they are, and actually, it’s all thanks to your age. Who would’ve thought?</p> <p><em>Written by Rachel Smith. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/in-praise-of/in-praise-of%E2%80%A6-the-50-year-old-brain.aspx">Wyza.com.au.</a></em></p>

Retirement Life

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Life appreciation the key to better health

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s nothing new that our thoughts can shape how we feel. Just imagine how those positive </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">feelings are tingling through your body and telling you ‘this is going to be a great day!’ The problem is the positive feeling doesn’t seem to come on demand. But according to the </span><a href="http://www.heartmath.org/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Institute of HeartMath</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can take control of your feelings by practicing </span>Heartfelt Appreciation.</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In fact they believe that heartfelt appreciation can facilitate the healing of the human body and spirit and that sincere heartfelt appreciation uplifts, inspires and drives us to achieve that which we did not think possible. It may be hard to believe that something as simple as appreciation can make you feel happier and even give your heart a healthy boost.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So keeping the potential benefits in mind let’s try a simple </span>Appreciation Exercise<span style="font-weight: 400;"> right now. It only takes a minute – and you may be surprised by the results.</span></p> <p><strong>Appreciation Exercise - Heart Breathing</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Focus your attention on your heart area, and breathe a little deeper than normal, </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">in for 5 or 6 seconds and out for 5 or 6 seconds.  Heart Focus: Imagine breathing through your heart. Picture yourself slowly breathing in and out through your heart area.</span></p> <p><strong>Appreciation List</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Make a list of things you appreciate – people, places, activities, and pets –and choose </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">one or two each morning to hold in your heart during the day. Choose an item again at night to hold in your heart while you rest. How do you feel? Do you notice a greater sense of ease, wellbeing or relaxation?</span></p> <p><strong>Appreciation Breaks</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Take two or three appreciation breaks each day – ideally in early morning, </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">during a midday break and upon returning home or before bed. Just follow the simple steps as above. It takes as little as two minutes to achieve mental, emotional and physical balance.</span></p> <p><strong>Appreciation in the Moment</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Keep your Appreciation List close all day, in a pocket or purse, by your </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">computer or elsewhere. In stressful moments, choose an item that can quickly evoke appreciation. It can turn a stressful day into one that flows – in 30 seconds or less.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Engage the power of your heart to generate and sustain feelings of appreciation to help increase your own wellbeing. Practicing these appreciation exercises accelerates your connection with your own heart. Appreciating ourselves and others helps restore the colour to our black-and-white perception of life. By simply activating a positive feeling of sincere appreciation, you can increase your heart rhythm coherence, reduce emotional stress and improve your health. Consider practicing appreciation every day. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reprinted with permission of Institute of HeartMath. © 2013 Institute of HeartMath</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Written by Pernille. Republished with permission of </span><a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/health/life-appreciation-the-key-to-better-health.aspx"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wyza.com.au.</span></a></p>

Retirement Life

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How yoga can make you a more appreciative person

<p class="gmail-p2"><em><strong>Tracy Adshead is a yoga teacher specialising in yoga for seniors. She is passionate about bringing healing and healthy ageing to the community.</strong></em></p> <p class="gmail-p2">There’s a famous quote from Japanese philosophy – change is life. Coping with change is difficult, no matter how old you are. The sheer number of changes and transitions that start to occur as we age can make life seem pretty challenging including the loss of parents, children moving away, declining health and loss of independence. But if these changes are balanced with some positive ingredients we have a successful formula for staying healthy as we age.</p> <p class="gmail-p2">Yoga philosophy teaches us that our quality of life can be enhanced by the quality of our perceptions. One of the most powerful positive ingredients we can bring into our daily lives that can change our perceptions is appreciation.</p> <p class="gmail-p2">For instance, scientific studies have shown that the more couples express appreciation for one another, the more affection they have for one another. The smallest gestures of appreciation counted – a smile, a pat or a simple ‘thank you’.</p> <p class="gmail-p2">Too often we slip into a negative habit of focusing our attention on what we don’t like or what we want the other person to do differently. Change these negative perceptions with appreciation by noticing what’s going well, notice the many small kindnesses in life – it will work wonders on all those around you. Guess what – you will also receive a return of compliments.</p> <p class="gmail-p2">Appreciation paves the way towards greater feelings of contentment, fostering a protective psychological state of mind known as inner peace. </p> <p class="gmail-p2" align="center"><em>On this path effort never goes to waste, and thereis no failure. </em><br /><em> Even a little effort toward spiritual awareness will protect you from the greatest fear.</em><br /><em>- Bhagavad Gita</em></p> <p>For more, follow Tracy on Facebook <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/%20https:/www.facebook.com/TracyChairYoga/?hc_ref=SEARCH&amp;fref=nf" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>.</p>

Body

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Heart-warming commercial shows appreciation for hard working dads

<p>Angel Soft teamed up with ad agency Deutsch to create a touching commercial showcasing appreciation for hardworking dads.</p> <p>In the touching tribute, we meet Melquiades Rayos, a widower who travelled to the United States from the Philippines to provide for his nine kids. Eight of them are still in the Philippines, some of whom are still in school. Rayos' mother-in-law is their caretaker while he works thousands of miles away.</p> <p>"All the money I make here I send to my kids so they can go to school, and have food and medicine," Rayos said.</p> <p>The commercial is part of the company's "Be Soft. Be Strong" campaign and has been released in accordance with United States father’s day celebrations, that take place in June.  As a sign of appreciation, Angel Soft gave Melquiades and his daughter plane tickets to the Philippines so they can celebrate Father's Day together with the rest of their family. Watch his incredible story in the video above.</p> <p>Do you know of a special dad that has gone above and beyond for this children? Let us know your stories in the comments below.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/05/how-to-say-no-to-babysitting-grandkids/"><em>How to say no when you’re unable to babysit grandkids</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/important-things-to-let-little-children-do/"><em>7 important things little children should be allowed to do</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/what-i-hate-about-being-a-grandparent-today/"><em>Grandparenting in the 21st century</em></a></strong></span></p>

News

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Why you should appreciate the “little moments” not just momentous ones

<p>Most of us remember the “big” moments that have shaped or impacted our lives in some way. Marriage, the birth of a child, the day you paid your mortgage off (or is that still a pipe dream?!), these moments stick with us. Often however, we forget about the little moments, the everyday stuff, that is just as meaningful and in its own way, has made a significant contribution to how we live our lives. These understated yet equally important moments happen everyday. Catching them as they’re occurring is key.</p> <p>Here are five to remember and appreciate.</p> <ol> <li>The first time your grandchild grabs your hand and/or says “I Love You.” While you’ve probably experienced years of wonderful moments with your own children, the first time your grand child really reaches out to you and expresses their affection for you is incredibly special and worth storing away in your memory.</li> <li>Coming home and bring greeted by a furry best friend. Dogs give the best welcomes. Whether it’s licking, whining or furious tail wagging, their sheer pleasure at seeing you is enough to brighten up the darkest afternoon.</li> <li>Being thanked out of the blue. A friend or loved one who expresses their gratitude for something you’ve done for them without you even thinking about it, is an incredibly sweet moment. Usually it’s something small, insignificant even, but it’s enough to make a positive impact on their lives and in turn, on yours.</li> <li>Unexpected alone time. Regardless of whether you’re retired or still working, life is busy. Often you’ll schedule “me time” only for it to fall through. Unexpected alone time, when all the planets align and you’re able to enjoy the peace and quiet of your own company is not only rare but completely enjoyable and yes, memorable.</li> <li>Realising that you’ve made a positive change. Whether you were determined to stop drinking soft drink or start walking every night after dinner, actually realising that you’ve not only made the change, but stuck to it, is incredibly satisfying. Often whatever it is you’ve done has become so much a part of your everyday that you don’t even recognize it till you sit back and remember life before hand.</li> </ol> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/11/kindness-leads-to-happiness-research/">People are happier when they do good</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/some-material-things-proven-to-make-you-happy/">The material things proven to make you happy</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/exercises-to-strengthen-your-willpower/">Simple exercises to strengthen your willpower</a></em></strong></span></p>

Mind

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12 childhood perks you only appreciate when you’re an adult

<p>It’s a strange paradox: when you’re young, all you want to do is be an adult. But it’s only when you grow up that you realise how good you had it!</p> <p>You reach that moment when you’re lining up to pay a bill or are stuck in traffic when you think, “I’d give anything to just be a kid!”</p> <p>With the benefit of hindsight, we chart the perks of childhood that only adults appreciate.</p> <p><strong>1. The ability to nap anywhere, anytime</strong></p> <p>Tired? Take a nap. Bored? Take a nap. It’s 3pm? Take a nap. As a kid, it was your prerogative to lie down and get a moment of peace whenever and where ever you wanted.</p> <p><strong>2. Tantrums are totally acceptable</strong></p> <p>Wouldn’t it be great if the next time the line at the supermarket was too long you could start screaming and fall to the floor until you got your way?</p> <p><strong>3.  Never having to cook</strong></p> <p>You finished school, came home and dinner was ready. Every. Day. It’s like your mum was your own personal chef! We definitely took that perk for granted.</p> <p><strong>4. Chilling in a pram</strong></p> <p>Kids have it great. They <em>literally</em> sit back while someone else pushes them around. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could relax in a chair and get walked to the shops? Not going to happen.</p> <p><strong>5. You can talk without a filter</strong></p> <p>Ever just wish you could say what you really think? When you’re a kid, you take for granted that no one blinks an eye if you tell it how it is.</p> <p><strong>6. Bath time</strong></p> <p>As an adult, taking a bath is a treat. You have to wait until there’s no one home and turn your phone off just to get some sweet me-time. Rewind to childhood, when it was bath time every night. We had it good!</p> <p><strong>7. Getting treats for being good</strong></p> <p>When you were a kid, rewards were always sweet. Whether you got good grades in class or were just celebrating the weekend with Dad, getting Mr Whippy or a Freddo Frog was a pretty standard treat.</p> <p><strong>8. School holidays</strong></p> <p>Can we take a moment to appreciate the amazing break that is the school holidays? You get three months. <em>Three months</em> vacation every year! Try telling your employer you’re heading on holidays for three months now and you’ll lose your job.</p> <p><strong>9. Extravagant themed birthday cakes</strong></p> <p>Ah, the sheer joy when it was your birthday and mum brought out an amazing Barbie-doll inspired homemade birthday cake. Back then, the <em>Australian Women’s Weekly Children’s Birthday Cake Book</em> gave mum enough baking ideas to last for years. Now, you’d be lucky to get a cake from the supermarket.</p> <p><strong>10. Clothing is optional</strong></p> <p>When you’re a kid, no one looks twice if they see you running half naked under the sprinklers in summer. You get to wear whatever you want, even if that means pairing your favourite tutu with a Mickey Mouse top. If only the office’s casual Friday policy was as lenient.</p> <p><strong>11. Sick days</strong></p> <p>Remember the days of having a slight cold or just feeling a bit off, and getting totally looked after? You’d take the day off school and settle on the couch for a full schedule of daytime TV and snacks galore.</p> <p><strong>12. <em>Not</em> having a phone</strong></p> <p>For our generation, being a kid meant simpler times. You didn’t have to compete with friends for the hottest new mobile phone, didn’t constantly feel the need check Facebook and weren’t glued to your screen. Now, we’re expected to be connected and contactable 24/7. Sometimes it just makes you want to be a kid again.</p>

News

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11 funny snapchat pictures that only dog lovers appreciate

<p>If you haven’t heard of it Snapchat is a photo-sharing mobile app that lets you caption your photos before sharing them with your friends. As you can imagine it leads to many tongue-in-cheek descriptions of everyday photos. Now throw pets in the mix and you’ve got some hilarious insights into the life of a dog owner.</p> <p><img width="400" height="506" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10723/1.jpg" alt="1 (105)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="400" height="659" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10724/2.jpg" alt="2 (110)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="400" height="561" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10725/3.jpg" alt="3 (106)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="400" height="523" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10726/4.jpg" alt="4 (98)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="400" height="600" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10728/5.jpg" alt="5 (92)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="399" height="600" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10729/6.jpg" alt="6 (89)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="401" height="600" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10731/7.jpg" alt="7 (82)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="400" height="533" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10732/8.jpg" alt="8 (76)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="400" height="654" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10733/9.jpg" alt="9 (62)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><img width="399" height="600" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/10734/11.jpg" alt="11 (20)" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p>

Family & Pets