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“Sick beyond belief”: Burger chain slammed for Maddy McCann Mother’s Day ad

The Otley Burger Company in the UK has been met with a furious response after posting an ad to social media that made light of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann ahead of Mother’s Day – although the owner of the company has defended the post, claiming it was “just a meme”. Shared to social media by the Leeds-based chain, the ads depict McCann and her mother, along with a small edited image of a masked man escaping with the child, plus a caption: “With burgers this good, you’ll leave your kids at home. What’s the worst that could happen?”. The ad then concludes with the phrase “Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums out there”. Such was the fury the ads were met with that they were quickly banned by Britain’s Advertising Standards Authority, which deemed the posts likely to cause offence and distress after several complaints were made. The ASA stated that the ads made light of the circumstances surrounding McCann’s disappearance. “Any reference to a missing child was likely to be distressing, and that in the context of an ad promoting a burger company, the distress caused was unjustified,” the statement read. The ASA then asked Twitter, Instagram and Facebook to remove the posts and suspend the account pending investigation. Meta said it had reviewed the Instagram post and removed it for violating policies, while Twitter said the post had also been deleted. The burger company’s takeaway service page was quickly flooded with furious comments over the “disgusting” behaviour. “Sick beyond belief, I hope the company goes broke,” one person wrote. “Hang your heads in shame,” wrote another. Owner Joe Scholey, 29, told Metro UK: “I’m not taking the mick out of a missing toddler. I’m basically putting, ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ to all the mums,” he said. “She [Kate McCann] is a mum. Not the world’s greatest mum and not the world’s worst. She’s a mum, there’s one there.” Image: Otley Burger Company

Legal

What's behind the belief in a soulmate?

The United States appears to be in a romantic slump. Marriage rates have <a href="http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/10/11/the-share-of-americans-living-without-a-partner-has-increased-especially-among-young-adults/">plummeted</a> over the last decade. And compared to previous generations, young single people today are perhaps spending more time on social media <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/12/tinder-changed-dating/578698/">than actual dating</a>. They are also having <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/membership/archive/2018/11/whats-causing-the-sex-recession/575890/">less sex</a>. Despite these trends, a yearning for a soulmate remains a common thread across the generations. Most Americans, it seems, are still looking for one. According to a 2017 <a href="https://www.nj.com/healthfit/index.ssf/2017/02/two-thirds_of_americans_believe_in_a_soulmate_poll.html">poll</a> two-thirds of Americans believe in soulmates. That number far surpasses the percentage of Americans who believe in the <a href="http://www.pewforum.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/7/2018/04/Beliefs-about-God-FOR-WEB-FULL-REPORT.pdf">biblical God</a>. The idea that there is a person out there who can make each of us happy and whole is constantly conveyed through portrayals in <a href="https://www.imdb.com/list/ls008719611/?sort=release_date,desc&st_dt=&mode=detail&page=1">films,</a> <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0029583/">books,</a> <a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a41698/find-your-soulmate-in-8-simple-questions/">magazines</a> and <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2018/02/08/tv-show-couples-love-lessons_a_23356753/">television</a>. What accounts for the persistence of the soulmate ideal in the contemporary age? <h2>Origins of the soulmate myth</h2> Ten years ago, after a hard breakup, I decided to investigate. As a scholar of <a href="https://skidmore.academia.edu/BradleyOnishi">religion and culture</a> who was trained in the history of ideas, I was interested in connecting the various iterations of the soulmate ideal through time. One early use of the word <a href="https://scholarworks.umt.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1003&context=eng_pubs">“soulmate”</a> comes from the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge in a <a href="https://www.academia.edu/1320004/_Soulmates_in_The_Encyclopedia_of_Love_in_World_Religions_ABC-CLIO_World_Religions_Project_Ed._Dr._Yudit_Kornberg_Greenberg_Santa_Barbara_California_et._al._November_2007_pp._593-597">letter from 1822</a>: “To be happy in Married Life … you must have a Soul-mate.” For Coleridge, a successful marriage needed to be about more than economic or social compatibility. It required a spiritual connection. Several centuries prior to Coleridge, the Greek philosopher Plato, in his text “Symposium,” wrote about the reasons behind the human yearning for a soulmate. Plato quotes the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-plato-can-teach-you-about-finding-a-soulmate-72715">poet Aristophanes as saying</a> that all humans were once united with their other half, but Zeus split them apart out of fear and jealousy. <a href="http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/symposium.html">Aristophanes explains</a> the transcendent experience of two soulmates reuniting in the following way: <blockquote> “And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself … the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment.” </blockquote> <h2>The religious sources</h2> These references aren’t limited to Coleridge and Plato. In numerous religious traditions, the human soul’s connection to God has been envisioned in similar ways. While the examples from religious traditions are numerous, I will mention just two from Judaism and Christianity. At different points in the history of these these two faith traditions, mystics and theologians employed erotic and marital metaphors to understand their relationships with God. Despite important differences, they both envision amorous union with the one divine force as the pathway to true selfhood, happiness and wholeness. This idea is expressed in the Hebrew Bible, where God is consistently seen as the one to whom his chosen people, Israel, are betrothed. “For your Maker is your husband,” <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+54&version=NRSV">a passage in the Hebrew Bible</a> says. Israel – the ancient kingdom, not the modern nation-state – plays the role of God’s spouse. Throughout Israelite history this idea frames the relationship between the people of Israel and God, whom they know as Yahweh. When Yahweh ratifies his covenant with Israel, his chosen people, he is often referred to as Israel’s husband. In turn, Israel is envisioned as Yahweh’s wife. For the Israelites, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+31%3A31-32&version=NRSV">the divine one</a> is also their <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hosea+2&version=NRS">romantic soulmate</a>. This is illustrated in the Song of Songs, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Song+of+Solomon+1&version=NRSV">an erotic love poem</a> with a female narrator. The Song of Songs is written from the perspective of a woman longing to be with her male lover. It’s filled with vivid physical descriptions of the two characters and the delights they take in each other’s bodies. “Your channel is an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits,” the narrator recounts her man saying to her, before proclaiming that her garden is <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Song%20of%20Solomon+4&version=NRSV">“a fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon</a>.” Song of Songs is not only an unquestioned part of Jewish and Christian scripture, it’s been understood for millennia by Jewish sages as the key to understanding the most important events in Israelite history. <h2>Erotic mysticism</h2> By the second century A.D., Christians too began framing their relationship with the divine in erotic terms through the Song of Songs. One of the first, and most influential, was <a href="https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/origen/">Origen of Alexandria</a>, a second-century mystic who became the first great Christian theologian. <a href="https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Song_of_Songs.html?id=Mjxy0Fl7VMsC">According to him</a>, the Song is the key to understanding the soul’s relationship to Christ. Origen calls it an “epithalamium,” which is a poem written for a bride on the way to the bridal chamber. For him, the Song is “a drama and sang under the figure of the Bride,” who is about to wed her groom, “the Word of God.” Origen views Jesus as his divine soulmate. He anticipates the end of time when his soul will “cleave” to Christ, so that he will never be apart from him again – and he does this by using erotic terms. His writings on the Song founded a rich and expansive tradition of Christian <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=99CNMQmzpKIC&printsec=frontcover&dq=song+of+songs+mysticism+christianity&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj--4qquZ3hAhUSVN8KHRpcBl4Q6AEINDAC#v=onepage&q=song%20of%20songs%20mysticism%20christianity&f=false">mystical texts</a> based on the soul’s erotic and marital union with Christ. <h2>The power of the myth</h2> By tracing the soulmate ideal to these religious sources it’s possible to gain fresh perspective on its power and function in an age when more Americans identify as having no religious <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-number-of-americans-with-no-religious-affiliation-is-rising/">affiliation</a>. The soulmate myth informs the reality show “The Bachelor,” where young women wait for the attention of one chosen “bachelor” in hopes of finding true love. It is the same in the film adaptation of Nicholas Spark’s novel “The Notebook,” which follows the path of two lovers separated at various times by war, family and illness. And then there are the Tinder users – wading through an excess of possible romantic partners, perhaps hoping that their one and only will eventually make them whole and happy. In light of the myth’s history, it’s not surprising that even at a time when fewer Americans may be turning to God, they are still looking for their one true soulmate.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/113906/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/bradley-onishi-698671">Bradley Onishi</a>, Associate Professor of Religious Studies, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/skidmore-college-1358">Skidmore College</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/whats-behind-the-belief-in-a-soulmate-113906">original article</a>.

Relationships

Parents’ beliefs about failure are crucial for kids

As grandparents we hope that our grandchildren will do well at school and become intelligent young adults. We can foster the love of learning in children by supporting them with a positive attitude towards failure. While it may not come naturally, teaching kids that there are lessons to be learned from failure can set them up for success as adults. Research has found that parents who see failure as an opportunity to learn pass this mindset on to their children. Conversely, a parent who is anxious or upset about failure (such as a child not getting into a team, or receiving a low grade in an exam) will often have children who believe that intelligence is fixed from birth and that we can’t learn from our mistakes. This negative view of failure by parents can cause children to lack motivation to try harder. They may feel as though there is no point trying when their intelligence is predetermined. In the study, published in Psychological Science, researchers looked at the answers to a questionnaire answered by 73 sets of children and parents. They wanted to measure their mindsets in terms of failure, asking them to respond to statements such as 'Experiencing failure facilitates learning and growth', and 'You can learn new things but you can't really change how intelligent you are.' The relationship between the parents’ and children’s attitudes to failure was clear. The parents who felt that failure was a negative issue had kids who viewed intelligence as fixed. Beliefs about intelligence can both positively and negatively affect a child’s academic performance. Research has found time and again that splitting a group of kids who are of equal ability into separate classes (a class for the ‘gifted’ and one for ‘slow learners’), will give results according to the group they were placed in. For parents (and grandparents), having a positive attitude towards failure (think ‘what can we do in order to get a better result next time’ rather than ‘this is a terrible outcome’) can have a profound effect on kids. If parents can show the children that there are benefits of failing (such as ‘what can we learn from this?’) they will see it as an opportunity to learn, rather than something to be feared. Talk about times that you have failed, and how this steered you in a new direction or taught you something new about yourself. Discuss famous people that faced failure and ended up doing something great. Let them know that even if they fail, they should at least always try their best. Have you got any advice for handling failure, and putting a positive spin on it? We would love for you to share your story in the comments. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/having-a-sibling-makes-boys-selfless/">Having a sibling makes boys selfless</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/sibling-rivalries-in-my-childhood-shaped-who-i-am-today/">Sibling rivalries in my childhood shaped who I am today</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/05/kids-are-the-worst-instagram/">In pictures: Kids behaving badly</a>

Family & Pets

5 beliefs that invite true love

Monica Parikh is a lawyer, writer and dating coach. Deeply interested in love and relationships, she recently started <a href="http://www.schooloflovenyc.com" target="_blank">School of Love NYC</a> to help men and women develop happier and healthier relationships. In September of last year, I travelled to Portugal, alone. One night, while eating dinner, an older couple beckoned me to join their table. The wife – a woman in her 70s with long, silver hair cascading over her shoulders – asked me what I do for a living. I told her I was a dating coach and a writer. Amused by my answer, she pointed to her husband and said, "We just got married two years ago." I smiled, anticipating a wonderful story. No stranger to heartbreak, this woman had survived an emotionally abusive marriage while raising four children. "I eventually mustered the courage to leave my ex-husband," she said. "But those years broke me. I spiralled into a deep depression and ended up in a mental hospital." "I'm so sorry to hear it," I said. "Oh, don't be sorry!" she said. "It was such a blessing — finally, I had some peace and quiet! It gave me a wonderful opportunity to heal and put myself back together." In the years that followed, she lived on her own terms. She left a career in nursing to drive a mobile library. She tended an organic garden. She ushered her last child into adulthood. Finally, fully at peace with herself and her own life, she met John — a widower who had been living on his own for almost a decade. I asked where they had met. Her answer surprised me: "Where else? The Internet! I was on a website called 'Plenty of Fish,'" she said. "He kept emailing me. I'd finally had enough and said, 'Let's meet!' And, we’ve been inseparable ever since." I asked her what drew her to John – a quiet, good-humoured and reserved man. "He was kind," she answered. "And I knew that life was better savoured with a companion. Now, we travel through Europe, staying at $10-a-night hostels. I feel like a kid again!" I asked John what had attracted him to his wife. He said, "She is alive. And despite the challenges that she has faced, she is still optimistic and happy." People often ask, "What is the best age to find love?" In my opinion, love has no sell-by or expiration date. I have clients in their 50s, 60s, and 70s who have wildly successful relationships. The key to their happiness? A deep understanding and acceptance of the following principles: 1. Age is nothing but a number. Have you ever met a 20-year-old who lacks vitality and spends his days glued to Facebook, or a 60-year-old with the joie de vivre of a teenager? If so, you understand that age is relative. 2. Opportunity is everywhere. This week, I consulted with two potential clients — both in their early 60s. One sees a world of scarcity — she laments that men only want younger women. The other sees a world of abundance. She crafted a captivating online profile, signed up for classes in which she can expand her social circle, and says “yes” to all invitations. Guess which of these two is NOT sitting home on Saturday night? 3. Experience enriches love. While young love is wonderfully innocent and sweet, mature love can be more satisfying and is often a beautiful counterpoint to loss and heartbreak. 4. Life breaks everyone. The courageous see possibility in failure. A new client lost her husband to brain cancer and nursed him until the end. She has every reason to be bitter but instead is using her experience to teach others how to be caregivers. After 29 years off the market, she is excited to date. She radiates gratitude, optimism, and strength. It’s not surprising that men are drawn to her vivacious spirit. 5. Dating is a skill you learn, and it's never too late. Some people get lucky — they meet their soul mate early. But most others will experience a fair share of failure along their journey. Failure isn’t a problem unless you get mired in pessimism and fail to learn from your mistakes. Make no mistake — there is a right way to date. To have a successful relationship, you have to get real and work to build up your self-esteem. But the good news is that with diligence and effort, you can always turn your love life around. Plus, it’s an investment that will keep you young. Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2016/01/confessions-of-senior-online-dater/">Confessions of an online dater</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2015/08/unexpected-places-meet-someone/">7 unexpected places to meet someone</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2015/10/costs-of-online-dating-scams/">The shocking costs of online dating scams</a>

Relationships

5 beliefs to steal from the happiest people in the world

On the whole, Kiwis aren’t the happiest bunch. Despite living in a country that, for all intents and purposes, could be considered far above average in the climate/welfare/employment/resource stakes, many of us are struck down regularly with low mood. Experts in the field think that one of the reasons for our lack of happiness is the belief that certain things have to change before we can permit ourselves to feel full of joy. It’s the old story of “when I get a new job/lose weight/gain weight/earn more/cut my hair I’ll finally be happy.” Unfortunately, happiness doesn’t work that way. Fortunately we can harness what happy people know and employ it in our own lives. Here are five things happy people truly believe that most of us rarely consider. <ol> <li>Happiness doesn’t always feel the way we expect it to – Feeling happy is very different to being happy. Being happy is having the knowledge that life is full of goodness that can strike at any time.</li> <li>You are who you spend time with – Happy people tend to radiate happiness. It’s contagious and worth celebrating. Surrounding yourself with people who enjoy life and know what content is will end up helping lift your own happiness levels.</li> <li>You don’t have to love your job – Whether you love or loathe your job (or how you choose to spend your days), the chances are good that you’ll need to keep doing it in some capacity if it provides you with necessary income. That doesn’t have to mean, however, that what you actually love doing isn’t a possibility. Making time for your creative passions is crucial. Happy people believe in carving out time to do the work that satisfies them.</li> <li>Banish the fear – Fear is one of the biggest barriers to happiness. If you’re waiting around for the fear to vamoose, you’ll never be completely happy or at peace. Heard the saying ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’? Let that be your mantra.</li> <li>You don’t need permission – Waiting for permission to be happy is a recipe for long-term discontent. Happy people know they have the power to shape their reality. They give it a go and are happy with their best efforts. Follow their lead.</li> </ol> Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/exercises-to-strengthen-your-willpower/">Simple exercises to strengthen your willpower</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2016/01/things-you-need-to-know-about-fear/">7 things you need to know about fear</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2016/01/how-to-stop-feeling-guilty/">How to stop feeling guilty</a>

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