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How do children learn good manners?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Ensuring kids have manners is a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">perennial preoccupation</a> for parents and caregivers. How, then, do you teach good manners to children? Modelling good manners around the home and in your own interaction with others is obviously crucial. But there’s a clear <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">uniting theme</a> when it comes to manners in Australia: in Australian English, good manners centre on honouring personal autonomy, egalitarianism and not appearing to tell people what to do. <h2>Which manners matter most in Australia?</h2> Some of the most important manners in Australian English are behavioural edicts that focus on particular speech acts: greeting, requesting, thanking and apologising. These speech acts have a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074/179857">set of words</a> associated with them: <ul> <li>hello</li> <li>hi</li> <li>may I please…?</li> <li>could I please…?</li> <li>thank you</li> <li>ta</li> <li>sorry</li> <li>excuse me.</li> </ul> Good manners make people feel comfortable in social situations by adding predictability and reassurance. They can act as signposts in interactions. Anglo cultures place a lot of weight on <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216612001014">egalitarianism</a>, personal autonomy and ensuring we don’t <a href="https://www.google.com.au/books/edition/English/d-d5AAAAIAAJ?hl=en">tell people what to do</a>. If you want to get someone to do something for you – pass you a pen, for example – you frame the request as a question to signal that you’re not telling them what to do. You’ll also add one of the main characters in Anglo politeness: the magic word, “<a href="https://www.academia.edu/20312114/Lige_a_Danish_magic_word_An_ethnopragmatic_analysis">please</a>”. This framing recognises you don’t expect or demand compliance. You’re acknowledging the other person as an autonomous individual who can do what they want. If the person does the thing you’ve asked, the next step is to say “thank you” to recognise the other person’s autonomy. You’re acknowledging they didn’t have to help just because you asked. <h2>The heavy hitters</h2> The words “please” and “thank you” are such heavy hitters in Australian English good manners, they’re two of the words that language learners and migrants <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/10408340308518247?needAccess=true">learn first</a>. They can help soften the impact of your words. Think, for example, of the difference between “no” and “no, thank you”. Of course, there are times when “no” is a full sentence. But what if someone offered you a cup of tea and you replied “no” without its concomitant “thank you” to soften your rejection and acknowledge this offer didn’t have to be made? Don’t be surprised if they think you sound a bit rude. The other big players in Australian English good manners are “sorry” and “excuse me”. Much like in <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BZ1Eid0gnLV/">British English</a>, the Australian “sorry” means many things. These can preface an intrusion on someone’s personal space, like before squeezing past someone in the cinema, or on someone’s speaking turn. Interrupting or talking over someone else is often heavily frowned on in Australian English because it is often interpreted as disregarding what the other person has to say. But in some cultures, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0346251X14001365">such as French</a>, this conversational style is actively encouraged. And some languages and cultures <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S038800011830069X?via%3Dihub">have different conventions</a> around what good manners look like around strangers versus with family. Good manners involve saying certain words in predictable contexts. But knowing what these are and when to use them demonstrates a deeper cultural awareness of what behaviours are valued. <h2>How do children learn manners?</h2> As part of my <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">research</a>, I’ve analysed parenting forum posts about “good manners”. Some believe good manners should be effortless; one parent said: <blockquote> Good manners shouldn’t be something that a child has to think about […] teach them correctly at home from day one, manners become an integral part of the way they view things. </blockquote> Another forum user posited good modelling was the key, saying: <blockquote> the parent has to lead by example, rather than forcing a child to say one or the other. </blockquote> One <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38777043/">study</a>, which involved analysis of more than 20 hours of videorecorded family dinner interactions collected in Italy, found mealtimes are also sites where parents control their children’s conduct “through the micro-politics of good manners.” <blockquote> By participating in mealtime interactions, children witness and have the chance to acquire the specific cultural principles governing bodily conduct at the table, such as ‘sitting properly’, ‘eating with cutlery’, and ‘chewing with mouth closed’. Yet, they are also socialised to a foundational principle of human sociality: one’s own behavior must be self-monitored according to the perspective of the generalised Other. </blockquote> In Australian English, that means regulating your behaviour to make sure you don’t do something that could be seen as “rude”. As I argued in a 2012 <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216612000410">paper</a>: <blockquote> While child socialisation in Anglo culture involves heavy discouragement of rudeness, French does not have a direct equivalent feature […] French children are taught ça ne se fait pas, ‘that is not done’. Where the French proscribe the behaviours outright, the Anglos […] appeal to the image one has of oneself in interpersonal interactions. </blockquote> In Anglo English, the penalties for breaches could be other people’s disapproval and hurting their feelings. <h2>Why are good manners important?</h2> Good manners affect our interactions with others and help us build positive relationships. Fourteenth century English bishop and educator, William of Wykeham, declared that “<a href="https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803100131244#:%7E:text=Manners%20maketh%20man%20proverbial%20saying,Winchester%20and%20chancellor%20of%20England">manners maketh the man</a>”. John Hopkins University Professor <a href="https://ii.library.jhu.edu/2018/12/11/in-memory-of-p-m-forni-the-case-for-civility-in-the-classroom-and-beyond/">Pier Forni</a> called them a “precious life-improvement tool.” The “Good Manners” <a href="https://education.qld.gov.au/about-us/history/history-topics/good-manners-chart">chart</a>, based on a set of rules devised by the Children’s National guild of Courtesy in UK primary schools in 1889, was issued to Queensland primary schools until the 1960s. It tells kids to remember the golden rule to “always do to others as you would wish them to do to you if you were in their place.” Good manners form part of the bedrock for human sociality. Childhood is when we give kids foundational training on interacting with others and help them learn how to be a culturally competent member of a society.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/237133/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, Senior Lecturer in Writing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-do-children-learn-good-manners-237133">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Hugh Grant finally reveals his children's names

Hugh Grant has revealed the names of his two youngest daughters for the first time in a candid interview moment. The English actor and father-of-five has never announced the names of two of his children or the gender of his youngest offspring. Now, during an interview with talk show host Jimmy Kimmel, the 64-year-old finally shared that his youngest child was a girl and shared her name with viewers. During a conversation about his own unusual middle name, Mungo, he said, "I was in a bit of a panic with my wife on the day we named [our daughter]." Sharing the hilarious inspiration behind the name, he said, "We thought it might be nice for her when she was older if she could say in bars that her middle name is Danger. So, her name is Lulu Danger Grant. Austin Powers, you know?" Hugh, who also has a son named John Mungo, went on to reveal that his youngest isn't the only child in the family with a fun name. He went on to say that he and his wife Anna were stressed when naming their first daughter, and decided to ask their son for advice. "We asked her elder brother when she was on the way, 'there's a new baby coming along, what shall we call her?'", Hugh explained. "And he said 'Kevin', because that was his favourite Minion." "And we did think about calling her Kevin, but then we said, 'you'd better think of something else', and he said 'Blue', because that was his favourite colour." The announcement was out of character for Hugh, who despite being a huge Hollywood name, tends to keep his personal life out of the spotlight. Image credits: YouTube

Family & Pets

We know parents shape their children’s reading – but so can aunts, uncles and grandparents, by sharing beloved books

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-grace-baulch-1399683">Emily Grace Baulch</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> <a href="https://creative.gov.au/news/media-releases/revealing-reading-a-survey-of-australian-reading-habits/">Over 80%</a> of Australians with children encourage them to read. Children whose parents enjoy reading are <a href="https://www.booktrust.org.uk/news-and-features/news/news-2023/new-research-from-booktrust-reveals-the-impact-of-parental-reading-enjoyment-on-childrens-reading-habits/">20% more likely</a> to enjoy it too. My research has found parents aren’t the only family members who play an important role in developing a passion for reading – extended family, from grandparents to siblings, uncles and great-aunts, also influence readers’ connections to books. I surveyed 160 Australian readers about their home bookshelves and reading habits. More than 80% of them acknowledged the significant influence of family in what and how they read. Reading to children is often <a href="https://www.booktrust.org.uk/globalassets/resources/research/booktrust-family-survey-research-briefing-2-reading-influencers.pdf">the invisible workload of mothers</a>: 95% of mothers read to children, compared to 67% of fathers. Yet intriguingly, those I surveyed – whose ages ranged from their early 20s to their 70s – collectively talked about books being passed down across eight generations. Family members were associated with their most valued books – and their identities as readers. <h2>Treasured possessions</h2> Books passed down through generations often become treasured possessions, embodying a shared family history. One person discussed an old hardcover copy of <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com.au/9780732284350/blinky-bill/">Blinky Bill</a> by Dorothy Wall. Originally given to her father and his siblings by their great-aunt in 1961, the book’s pages are now discoloured and falling out. “Although I always think of my mother as having been my reading role model,” she wrote, “actually my father had an equally big impact, just in another way.” Her father is a central organising figure on her home bookshelf: she has dedicated a whole shelf to the books he liked. The story she tells about his old copy of Blinky Bill, however, crosses generations. The book’s battered state is a testament to its longevity and well-loved status. Its inscription to her family members makes the copy unique and irreplaceable. Another person remembered a set of Dickens’ novels, complete with margin notes and century-old newspaper clippings, carefully stored with her most special books. These volumes, initially owned by her great-great-grandmother and later gifted by her great-aunt, represent a reading bond passed down through generations. Such books can never be replaced, no matter how many copies might be in circulation. These books are closely associated with memories and experiences – they are invaluable for who they represent. A third person has her father’s “old” Anne McCaffrey’s <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/40323-dragonriders-of-pern">Dragonriders of Pern</a> series: he read it to her as a teenager, then passed it down. The book “sparked” her interest in science-fiction, and she now intends to pass it on to her own teenager. Her book, too, is “battered”, with “chunks falling out when you read it”. The cover is falling off. The deteriorating state of a book is part of the book’s legacy. It shows how loved it has been. Reading passions can be deliberately cultivated through family, but their value is less connected to reading comprehension or literacy than a sense of connection through sharing. Inherited, much-loved books bind families together. They can anchor absent family members to the present. These books can come to symbolise love, connection and loss. The family members who’ve passed down their books might not be physically present in children’s lives – they may not be reading aloud to them at bedtime – but through their books, they can have a strong presence in their loved ones’ memories. That indelible trace can be sustained into adulthood. <h2>Buying books for the next generation</h2> Another way relatives contribute to a family reading legacy is by buying new copies of much-loved books for the next generation. Theresa Sheen, from The Quick Brown Fox, a specialist children’s bookstore in Brisbane, notes that customers often ask for copies of books they had when they were younger. They may have read them to their children and now want them for their grandchildren. For example, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/series/40767-the-baby-sitters-club">The Babysitters Club series</a> by Ann M. Martin was mentioned multiple times as a nostalgic favourite, now being sought after by grandparents. Readers’ habits of re-buying favourite books can affect the publishing industry. With older children’s classics still selling, publishers seek to update the text to reflect contemporary cultural mores. Enid Blyton is one author who endures through intergenerational love and nostalgia. However, her work is regularly <a href="https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/books-magazines/books/enid-blytons-famous-five-books-edited-to-remove-offensive-words/news-story/47a63bb79a5d870f19aed58b19469bb5">edited and bowdlerised</a> to update it. Books can be imbued with the voices and emotions of others. They are more than just physical objects – they are vessels of shared experiences that can be passed down, up and across generations. This enduring bond between family members does more than preserve individual stories. It actively shapes and sustains a vibrant reading culture.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/232372/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emily-grace-baulch-1399683">Emily Grace Baulch</a>, Producer at Ludo Studio & Freelance Editor, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/we-know-parents-shape-their-childrens-reading-but-so-can-aunts-uncles-and-grandparents-by-sharing-beloved-books-232372">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Mother helps raise over $1 million for her children ahead of her death

A single mother from America has left an enduring financial legacy to her two young children in the weeks before her untimely death. Erika Diarte-Carr, 30, started a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-erika-and-her-children-with-funeral-expenses" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> page after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in order to cover costs of her own funeral, as well as providing funds to raise her two kids, Jeremiah, 7, and Aaliyah, 5. After setting the fundraising goal for $5,000 USD, generous members of her community spread the word of her selfless actions, with the fundraiser now reaching over $1.7 million USD and counting. Titled “Support Erika: A Mother planning her own funeral”, the page has garnered more than 38,000 individual donations. The page reads, “Dear family, friends and to all of those of you who may or may not know know me..." “My name is Erika Diarte-Carr. I am 30 years old and a single mother of two beautiful children. Jeremiah (7) and Aaliyah (5). ❤️ They are my whole life, light and soul. My children are my fight and what keep me going.” The mother then shared the tragic details of her cancer journey, as she recalled being diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer in May 2022 after presenting for “normal shoulder surgery”. “By that point, the damage had already been done. In that moment, mine and my kids’ entire lives had changed forever, as well as all of those around us,” she wrote. On top of her cancer diagnosis, Erika was hit with another blow in January 2024 as she was diagnosed with Cushing's Syndrome, which resulted in rapid weight gain, Type 2 diabetes, and further debilitating symptoms the mother claimed had “taken so much away” from her family. The page was updated in mid-September upon advice Ms Diarte-Carr had just three months to live and that treatments would “no longer help”. The mother added to the GoFundMe page how the excess funds would be allocated, writing, “For anyone’s concern, all the funds that have exceeded my funeral costs goal will be now put into a trust fund for my babies that way I can leave behind something for them and I can still ensure they are going to be ok as they grow up." On October 4th, the mother thanked donors and announced she and her family were able to take one final trip together hoping to leave her kids with “memories that’ll last a lifetime”. Just days later, Erika's cousin shared a post to social media to announce that Erika had passed away on October 12th. “It is with a heavy heart that this is the final update I will be giving for my cousin Erika,” she wrote on Facebook. “She fought a long and hard battle. She was strong and held on as long as she could for her babies. I know she was so thankful for all of your support and love and prayers.” Image credits: GoFundMe

Caring

Readers response: What’s your favourite travel memory with your children?

One of the best parts about travelling is having your kids, or even grandkids, in tow to experience a unique holiday together. We asked our reader what their favourite travel memory they're shared with their children is and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Lynne Fairbrother - All the camping trips we made when they were kids, great family fun. Karen Ambrose - A long boat trip on the canals in England…. fabulous. Christine Whyte - Lovely family holidays where I holidayed with my parents, aunties, uncles, and cousins every year for over 18 years. Great summers of beach and fishing and fun times. Suzie Justinic - Many overseas trips we had as a family to see family in other countries. Cathrine Stanton Hillier - Sleeping in the back window ledge of the car. Mum made a small sleeping bag for me. Margie Buckingham - Every year, one holiday was an ‘away holiday’ while the other 3 were spent at nanny’s beach house, which were just the best! Touring Tassie on the Spirit was a great holiday. So was the Gold Coast doing the Theme Parks. But I think the best was driving to Sydney for the Olympics 2000. Barbara Holmes - The great holidays staying at Cairns Colonial Resort in the 80’s! Jill Harker - Emigrating from the UK to Australia on the ship in 1970 when the boys were about 7 and 8! Image credits: Shutterstock

Travel Tips

Readers response: What is the best piece of advice you've passed down to your children?

if there's one thing you can count on your parents or grandparents for, it's to hand down valuable advice that will work its way through generations. This advice could be simple everyday words of wisdom, or more life-altering affirmations. We asked our reader what is the best piece of advice they have passed down to their children and grandchildren, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what you said. Margaret Barnes - Treat other people as you would like them to treat yourself. Kate Stephens - Listen to your mother. Keryn Bache - I recently advised my 22 year old granddaughter that if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. Linda Kauffman - Be careful in relationships. Janice Evans - Live within your means. Norell Standley - Learn self defence to protect yourselves. Les Thornborough - Look after your parents in their old age. Linda Kauffman - Thinking before acting. Liz N Jeff Busky - Don't try drugs, you may just like them. Rick Dayes - Mind your own business. Margie Buckingham - Live respectfully. Marian Arakiel - Get a job, get up, dress up and show up. Image credits: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

TV star charged over making indecent images of children

Former BBC presenter Huw Edwards has been charged with making indecent images of children. The 62-year-old, who left the UK public broadcaster in April after 40 years, faces three charges over alleged activity between December 2020 and April 2022. Police claim the offences are claimed to be linked to images shared on WhatsApp. After being arrested in November last year by London's Metropolitan Police, he was charged with the offences on June 26th. A Metropolitan Police spokesman said of the arrest, “Huw Edwards, 62, of Southwark, London has been charged with three counts of making indecent images of children following a Met Police investigation." “The offences, which are alleged to have taken place between December 2020 and April 2022, relate to images shared on a WhatsApp chat. Edwards was arrested on 8 November 2023. He was charged on Wednesday, 26 June following authorisation from the Crown Prosecution Service." “He has been bailed to appear at Westminster Magistrates’ Court on Wednesday 31 July." Married dad-of-five Edwards resigned from the BBC three months ago after a stellar career spanning almost 40 years. The BBC revealed their star presenter’s resignation in a short statement on April 22nd, writing, “Huw Edwards has resigned and left the BBC." “After 40 years of service, Huw explained that his decision was made on the basis of advice. The BBC has accepted his resignation.” Image credits: BBC

Legal

Man arrested after BBC presenter's wife and children murdered

British police have apprehended the man they believe is responsible for a brutal crossbow attack on the wife and two children of a well-known BBC radio presenter. In a statement released on Wednesday afternoon (early Thursday AEST), Hertfordshire Police said 26-year-old Kyle Clifford had been located in the Enfield area of north London and that he was receiving medical treatment for injuries. The BBC confirmed that the women killed were the family of its well-known radio racing commentator John Hunt — his 61-year-old wife Carol Hunt and their daughters Louise and Hannah, aged 25 and 28 respectively. Their tragic death prompted a major manhunt for the 26-year-old, as the public were urged not to approach Clifford. "Following extensive inquiries, the suspect has been located and nobody else is being sought in connection with the investigation at this time," Detective Inspector Justine Jenkins from the Bedfordshire, Cambridgeshire and Hertfordshire major crime unit said. "This continues to be an incredibly difficult time for the victims' family and we would ask that their privacy is respected as they come to terms with what has happened." A colleague of Hunt's and BBC 5 Live's lead presenter Mark Chapman struggled to hold back the tears as he expressed everyone's shock and pain. "We have a football match to bring you tonight ... and we will start our buildup to it shortly but this has been a heartbreaking day," he said as he opened Wednesday's coverage on 5 Live of England's semifinal match against The Netherlands in soccer's European Championship. "John Hunt is our colleague and our friend, not just to the current 5 Live sport team but to all of those who've worked here with him over the past 20 years, and also to all of you who have enjoyed his superb commentaries," Chapman said. "So on behalf of everyone connected to 5 Live Sport, our love and thoughts and support are with John and his family." Police were first alerted to the violent killings on Tuesday evening when emergency services were called to a house in Bushey, a residential area in north-western London. Paramedics tried to revive the women, but they died at the scene. While police have yet to establish a link between the suspect and the family, some British media outlets have claimed Clifford, who served in the British Army between 2019 and 2022, was an ex-boyfriend of one of the daughters. Image credits: Peter Manning/LNP/Shutterstock Editorial/Hertfordshire Police

Legal

What you need to know about protecting your children’s inheritance

For many people, ensuring that their children’s inheritance is protected is of paramount importance to them. There are a number of strategies that you can put in place to achieve this objective, you just need to determine which one bests suits you and your family’s circumstances. Put a Will in place By putting a Will in place, you get to decide who your assets go to, allowing you to make provision in your Will for them to pass to your children upon your death. If you do not have a Will in place then it is up to the government where your assets get paid and this may mean that your assets do not pass to your children, or do not pass to them in the manner that you desire. Play it safe and ensure things go the way you want them by taking the time to put a Will in place. Testamentary trust Let me introduce you to Testamentary Trusts. These amazing vehicles allow you to transfer your wealth to your children in the most asset protective and tax effective way possible. With an increasing number of marriages crumbling and divorce rates soaring, the last thing you want is your hard earned wealth passing to your child’s estranged partner in the event of one of your child’s marriage breakdown. By making provision in your Will leaving your children’s inheritance in a Testamentary Trust it protects their inheritance from any divorce or family law risks if your child’s relationship breaks down. Additionally, you may have a child who works in a high-risk occupation – a doctor, financial advisor or perhaps carrying on the role of a director. Alternatively, your child may be an entrepreneur, taking risks in their own business operations. If something adverse happened to your child whilst they were undertaking these roles and they were sued, they could be personally liable for them for any actions brought upon them by the aggrieved party. Creditors and other associated parties could only seek recourse to moneys owed by your child from them in their own personal capacity. If your child had received their inheritance in their own name, and hence the assets were now individual assets, the creditors and other associated parties would have recourse in recovering funds owed to them by your child. However, if your child’s inheritance was paid to a Testamentary Trust for their benefit at the time of your death then these assets would be held on trust for them and are not personal assets, hence the creditors and other associated parties would not have recourse in respect to these assets. Blended marriages If you have children from a previous marriage, it’s imperative that you obtain the appropriate legal advice in respect to how to protect your assets for your children. There are a number of options that you can put in place including a Binding Financial Agreement and a Mutual Wills Agreement. There are also strategies that you can put in place which ensure that your assets pass to your children upon your death. Options are also available where you may wish for your partner to receive some benefit of some of your assets during your lifetime with all assets passing to your children upon your partner’s death. Choose the right executor If you have young children, it will be your executor who looks after your children’s inheritance until your children reach the age that you have stipulated in your Will that you would like them to receive your assets. It is therefore imperative that you have the best person possible to undertake this role as you are effectively giving them the keys to everything that you own and control. That’s big. You need to appoint someone that you trust implicitly to undertake this role. You need to appoint your most trusted ally. Your executor also needs to be financial savvy or receptive to obtaining the appropriate financial advice to enable them to look after and grow your children’s inheritance. It is important that you seek the appropriate advice so that you can put the best strategies in place that protect your children’s inheritance in the best manner possible. There are a number of ways that you can protect your children’s inheritance, you just need to find the best one that works for you and your children. Melisa Sloan, author of Big Moments, expert advice for conquering those moments that define us, is a lawyer, industry leader, author and board director who loves helping people put in place beautiful legacies. For more information visit www.melisasloan.com.au Image credits: Shutterstock

Money & Banking

I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. How do I tell my children?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cassy-dittman-1380541">Cassy Dittman</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/cquniversity-australia-2140">CQUniversity Australia</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/govind-krishnamoorthy-1467986">Govind Krishnamoorthy</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-queensland-1069">University of Southern Queensland</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/marg-rogers-867368">Marg Rogers</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> With around <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/health-conditions-and-risks/cancer/2022">one in 50 adults</a> diagnosed with cancer each year, many people are faced with the difficult task of sharing the news of their diagnosis with their loved ones. Parents with cancer may be most <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1462388914000994">worried about</a> telling their children. It’s best to give children factual and age-appropriate information, so children don’t create their own explanations or <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(18)33202-1/fulltext">blame themselves</a>. Over time, supportive family relationships and open communication <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00520-016-3214-2">help children adjust</a> to their parent’s diagnosis and treatment. It’s natural to feel you don’t have the <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/ecc.12018">skills or knowledge</a> to talk with your children about cancer. But preparing for the conversation can improve your confidence. <h2>Preparing for the conversation</h2> Choose a suitable time and location in a place where your children feel comfortable. Turn off distractions such as screens and phones. For teenagers, who can find face-to-face conversations confronting, think about talking while you are going for a walk. Consider if you will tell all children at once or separately. Will you be the only adult present, or will having another adult close to your child be helpful? Another adult might give your children a person they can talk to later, especially to answer questions they might be worried about asking you. Finally, plan what to do after the conversation, like doing an activity with them that they enjoy. Older children and teenagers might want some time alone to digest the news, but you can suggest things you know they like to do to relax. Also consider what you might need to support yourself. <h2>Preparing the words</h2> Parents might be worried about the <a href="https://www.bmj.com/content/321/7259/479.full.pdf+html">best words or language</a> to use to make sure the explanations are at a level their child understands. Make a plan for what you will say and take notes to stay on track. The toughest part is likely to be saying to your children that you have cancer. It can help to practise saying those words out aloud. Ask family and friends for their feedback on what you want to say. <a href="https://www.cancer.org.au/cancer-information/types-of-cancer/childhood-cancers/talking-to-kids-about-cancer">Make use of guides</a> by the Cancer Council, which provide age-appropriate wording for explaining medical terms like “cancer”, “chemotherapy” and “tumour”. <h2>Having the conversation</h2> Being open, honest and factual is important. Consider the balance between being too vague, and providing too much information. The <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1462388914000994">amount and type</a> of information you give will be based on their age and previous experiences with illness. Remember, if things don’t go as planned, you can always try again later. Start by telling your children the news in a few short sentences, describing what you know about the diagnosis in language suitable for their age. Generally, this information will include the name of the cancer, the area of the body affected and what will be involved in treatment. Let them know what to expect in the coming weeks and months. Balance hope with reality. For example: <blockquote> The doctors will do everything they can to help me get well. But, it is going to be a long road and the treatments will make me quite sick. </blockquote> Check what your child knows about cancer. Young children may not know much about cancer, while primary school-aged children are starting to understand that it is a <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/epdf/10.1177/0165025408093663">serious illness</a>. Young children may worry about becoming unwell themselves, or other loved ones becoming sick. Older children and teenagers may have experiences with cancer through other family members, friends at school or social media. This process allows you to correct any misconceptions and provides opportunities for them to ask questions. Regardless of their level of knowledge, it is important to reassure them that the cancer is not their fault. Ask them if there is anything they want to know or say. Talk to them about what will stay the same as well as what may change. For example: <blockquote> You can still do gymnastics, but sometimes Kate’s mum will have to pick you up if I am having treatment. </blockquote> If you can’t answer their questions, be OK with saying “I’m not sure”, or “I will try to find out”. Finally, tell children you love them and offer them comfort. <h2>How might they respond?</h2> Be prepared for a range of <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00520-016-3214-2">different responses</a>. Some might be distressed and cry, others might be angry, and some might not seem upset at all. This might be due to shock, or a sign they need time to process the news. It also might mean they are trying to be brave because they don’t want to upset you. Children’s reactions will change over time as they come to terms with the news and process the information. They might seem like they are happy and coping well, then be teary and clingy, or angry and irritable. Older children and teenagers may ask if they can tell their friends and family about what is happening. It may be useful to come together as a family to discuss how to inform friends and family. <h2>What’s next?</h2> Consider the conversation the first of many ongoing discussions. Let children know they can talk to you and ask questions. Resources might also help; for example, The Cancer Council’s <a href="https://www.campquality.org.au/kids-guide-to-cancer/">app for children and teenagers</a> and Redkite’s <a href="https://www.redkite.org.au/service/book-club/">library of free books</a> for families affected by cancer. If you or other adults involved in the children’s lives are concerned about how they are coping, speak to your GP or treating specialist about options for psychological support.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/228012/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cassy-dittman-1380541">Cassy Dittman</a>, Senior Lecturer/Head of Course (Undergraduate Psychology), Research Fellow, Manna Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/cquniversity-australia-2140">CQUniversity Australia</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/govind-krishnamoorthy-1467986">Govind Krishnamoorthy</a>, Senior Lecturer, School of Psychology and Wellbeing, Post Doctoral Fellow, Manna Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-queensland-1069">University of Southern Queensland</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/marg-rogers-867368">Marg Rogers</a>, Senior Lecturer, Early Childhood Education; Post Doctoral Fellow, Manna Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/ive-been-diagnosed-with-cancer-how-do-i-tell-my-children-228012">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

All My Children star dies at age 50

Soap opera actor and fitness model Alec Musser has died at the age of 50. The All My Children star tragically died at his home in California on Friday evening, with his fiancé Paige Press confirming the news to <a href="https://www.tmz.com/2024/01/13/alec-musser-model-actor-all-my-children-dead-dies/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">TMZ</a>. “RIP to the love of my life,” Press wrote on Instagram. “I will never stop loving you. My heart is broken.” “Today is the worst day of my life. We were so happy … You were the best fiancé I could of ever asked for.” In another heartbreaking post to her Instagram stories, Press shared a photo of herself wearing her engagement ring and vowed: “I am never taking off my ring.” Other family members further confirmed the news of Musser's passing to TMZ, with his cause of death not yet revealed. Alec Musser starred in All My Children from 2005 to 2007, appearing in a total of 43 episodes. He landed the role on the long-running soap after he won the second season of the SOAPnet original series I Wanna Be a Soap Star. After his stint on the show, he went on to feature in other TV series including Grown Ups, Rita Rocks, Desperate Housewives and Road to the Altar. The New York native was also a fitness model and bodybuilder who appeared on the cover of several magazines like Men’s Health, Men’s Workout, Exercise Health and more. After hearing the news of his death, many of Musser’s fans took to the comment section of his last post and shared their condolences. “I’m in shock brother. You were a dear friend and will always be remembered," one fan wrote. Celebrity friend Adam Sandler also shared a tribute to Musser, writing on Instagram, "I loved this guy. Cannot believe he is gone. Such a wonderful, funny good man. Thinking of Alec Musser and his family and sending all my love. A true great sweetheart of a person." Image credits: Getty Images

Caring

5 financial lessons you should impart to your adult children

Ultimately, we want our kids to live long, happy, healthy lives. Financial security is central to achieving this dream. So it may be time to have a chat about matters of money and ensure they are well set up for a prosperous future! While there are many important things to instil in future generations, the five below are perhaps the most crucial current-day issues for your adult children to master. <ol> <li>Avoid BNPL</li> </ol> Buy now, pay later (BNPL) schemes have taken off in popularity in recent years, allowing shoppers to purchase and use goods straight away yet pay for them over time in instalments. Sound too good to be true? Indeed. Most schemes attach hefty penalties and interest for missed or late repayments – much the same as credit cards. The debt quickly balloons, and can become unsustainable. The best approach to instil in your children is to always live within their means. <ol start="2"> <li>Avoid sexually transmitted debt</li> </ol> Joint finances, loans, credit cards, utilities, subscriptions, vehicles, businesses, property… all of these and more are shared liabilities. Even if a partner is the one who racks up the debts, your child is equally responsible for repaying them. This is what I call sexually transmitted debt. It could be inadvertent (such as having a partner who, despite their best intentions, is simply bad with money); hidden (like gambling addiction), deliberate (financial abuse), lose their job, have an accident, get seriously unwell. Either way, sexually transmitted debts can create long-term and even life-long problems, regardless of whether the relationship that created those debts survives: repayment struggles, credit constraints, bankruptcy, legal woes. When it comes to money, your children (and yourself) need to think with their head, not their heart. <ol start="3"> <li>Start investing </li> </ol> The number one thing financial advisers hear most is “I wish I started years ago”. Investments typically grow over time. The more time you allow, the bigger their value. Younger adults have big demands on their hip pocket. However, even starting with small investments allows compound growth to work its magic. Plus, given the housing affordability constraints facing younger generations, investments that can be sold or leveraged could better help them onto the housing ladder in future. Superannuation is another investment to pay attention to from a young age: managing investments, ensuring they are in a cost-effective fund, and avoiding mistakes – like consolidating funds without getting advice, which can inadvertently see them consolidate into a poorer performing fund or cancel attached insurances that had preferential terms. <ol start="4"> <li>Get a will</li> </ol> While young people may feel invincible, untimely deaths or disablement claims sadly can and do happen. And often unexpectedly: land transport accidents and accidental poisoning, together with suicide, make up <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/life-expectancy-deaths/deaths-in-australia/contents/leading-causes-of-death">the biggest causes of death for under 44s</a> in Australia. Not having a will and a nominated executor complicates matters for grieving family and can delay all-important access to finances. How would your child’s partner and kids (if they have them) survive if their super, insurances and other payouts are delayed through probate? Remember to point out that superannuation (and other structures like companies and trusts) are treated separately from a will, and so need beneficiaries nominated within them. Younger people are also less likely to have discussed their final wishes with loved ones – funeral arrangements, burial vs cremation, organ donation, inheritances etc. This is where a separate statement of wishes can be useful. <ol start="5"> <li>Get insured</li> </ol> Insurances – save perhaps vehicle and house/contents – are rarely on the minds of younger people. But they should be. That is because many insurances are cheaper and offer better coverage when people are younger and free of any health complications. That includes private health, life and permanent disability, and income protection cover. Other insurances, like asset protection, can also be more lucrative to lock-in early. Just think about how the Ts and Cs on insurances have changed (become more restrictive) since you were their age! So encourage your adult children to scrutinise their insurance coverage. (And keep them away from drugs and smoking to stay healthier for longer!) Helen Baker is a licensed Australian financial adviser and author of the new book, On Your Own Two Feet: The Essential Guide to Financial Independence for all Women (Ventura Press, $32.99). Helen is among the 1% of financial planners who hold a master’s degree in the field. Proceeds from book sales are donated to charities supporting disadvantaged women and children. Find out more at <a href="http://www.onyourowntwofeet.com.au">www.onyourowntwofeet.com.au</a> Image credits: Getty Images

Money & Banking

Meryl Streep hits the red carpet with her four children

Meryl Streep has made a rare red carpet appearance with all four of her grown up children. The Hollywood legend was dressed in a chic black dress, exuding endless class at the annual Academy Museum Gala in Los Angeles on Sunday night. The event serves as the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures’ marquee annual fundraiser, raising vital funds to support museum exhibitions, education initiatives and public programming, while also quickly become one of Hollywood’s starriest nights. As Meryl graced the red carpet, she was joined by her four children who she shares with estranged husband Don Gummer. Streep was joined by her son Henry Wolfe and his wife Tamryn Storm Hawker, her daughter Grace Gummer and her husband Mark Ronson, and her other two daughters Mamie Gummer and Louisa Jacobson. Her children were in attendance to celebrate their mother, who was being honoured with the Icon Award during the ceremony. Streep's estranged husband Don was not present at the event, as the pair announced their <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/meryl-streep-s-shocking-relationship-news" target="_blank" rel="noopener">separation</a> in October. “Don Gummer and Meryl Streep have been separated for more than six years, and while they will always care for each other, they have chosen lives apart,” the Golden Globe winner’s spokesman told Page Six at the time. Image credits: Getty Images

Family & Pets

Parents slapped with hefty fee over badly behaved children

Two parents have been slapped with a hefty fine tacked onto their restaurant bill after their children caused a ruckus during dinner. Kyle and Lyndsey Landmann were dining at a restaurant in Georgia, USA, when they were given a $50 fine for their allegedly badly behaved kids. Two weeks after the incident, Kyle took to Google to leave a negative review for the eatery to say he was “disappointed by the experience”. “The owner came out and told me he was adding $50 to my bill because of my children’s behaviour,” he wrote. “My kids watched a tablet until the food arrived, ate their food and my wife took them outside while I waited and paid the bill.” Lyndsey went on to tell Today that her kids were well behaved, although they were joined by other families, with 11 children in total at the table. “The kids were sitting at one end of the table and they were being so good,” Landmann said. “'I even commented halfway through the meal, ‘I can’t believe how well-behaved they are’.” After dinner, restaurant owner Tim Richter approached the table and told the party about the additional charge on the menu, which reads, “Adult surcharge: For adults unable to parent.” “Be Respectful to staff, property, and self. No Respect, No Service.” Landmann said she was expecting a compliment for the well behaved kids, but Richter said there would be $50 added to each bill at their table. When Landmann then asked for an explanation, she claimed Richter told her they were being “too loud”. He was angry that the kids were “running around outside” by the water after dinner, even though they were chaperoned by adults, she clarified. “I was like, ‘They were quiet the whole time’. He got in our faces and told us that we belonged at Burger King and not at his restaurant. We asked to speak to the owner and he said he was the owner,” Landmann explained. “I looked around the restaurant and everybody was frozen watching this show he was putting on. He was yelling.” The 61-year-old restaurant owner said that he implemented the rule during the pandemic, but never actually charged the couple, saying, “We want parents to be parents.” However, several other Google reviews blasted the quality of the service and the owner's attitude, including one that warns diners with children to steer clear. Image credits: Facebook

Money & Banking

Mick Jagger reveals why his children won't get his inheritance

Mick Jagger has revealed that he won't be sharing his wealth amongst his eight children when he dies. The Rolling Stones frontman has amassed an impressive fortune of $500 million over his 60-year career in the limelight. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, the 80-year-old musician hinted that he doesn’t want to sell the band’s post-1971 music inventory. Jagger teased that the money should go to charity instead of his offspring. “The children don’t need $500m to live well. Come on,” he joked to the publication. He went on to say, “You maybe do some good in the world.” Jagger’s oldest child is daughter, Karis, 52, whom he welcomed with Marsha Hunt in 1970. In 1971, he wed ex-wife Bianca Jagger and had daughter Jade, 51. Jagger also shares four children with ex-wife Jerry Hall, whom he was married to from 1990 to 1997: daughters Elizabeth, 39, and Georgia May, 31, and sons James, 38, and Gabriel, 25. He and model Luciana Morad Gimenez welcomed son Lucas, 24, in 1999, and his youngest child, son Deveraux, 6, with girlfriend Melanie Hamrick, arrived in 2016. Image credits: Getty Images

Money & Banking

Robin Williams' children share sweet tribute on his 72nd birthday

Robin Williams’ children took to social media to celebrate their father’s legacy on what would’ve been his 72nd birthday. The late actor, known for raising a generation of children through his iconic films like Jumanji, Mrs. Doubtfire and Dead Poets Society, passed away on the 11th of August 2014 at the age of 63. His daughter, Zelda Williams and son, Zak Williams, both took to social media to celebrate their father’s life. Zak posted a throwback photo of the late actor wearing headphones and smiling at the camera. "Happy 72nd Dad! Was remembering how much I used to love that look you'd give,” he captioned. “That look with a mischievous, loving grin that your friends and loved ones knew so well. Joyous and curious and wondrous. Miss you and love you forever!" <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Cu-5eLVrcMI/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Cu-5eLVrcMI/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Zachary Pym Williams (@zakpym)</a> </div> </blockquote> His daughter Zelda on the other hand paid tribute to her dad on Twitter. She shared a photo of her late dad protesting in the 2007 New York Picket line with a sign that read: "SAG WGA ON STRIKE." "Happy birthday to Poppo, who definitely would've been out there fighting the good fight for art and artists today and always,” she captioned the photo, and made a reference to the recent Screen Actors Guild and American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (SAG-AFTRA) strike. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Happy birthday to Poppo, who definitely would’ve been out there fighting the good fight for art and artists today and always. <a href="https://t.co/CNiirB3Qb9">pic.twitter.com/CNiirB3Qb9</a> — Zelda Williams (@zeldawilliams) <a href="https://twitter.com/zeldawilliams/status/1682497867511128064?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 21, 2023</a></blockquote> Friends and fans have shared their tributes to the actor, in the comment section of both Twitter and Instagram. “Robin Williams was one of the most beautiful souls to ever grace this earth. Thank you for sharing your dad with us all. We miss him greatly. He’s our whole childhood,” wrote one person on Twitter. Night at the Museum actor Ben Stiller tweeted a simple blue heart in response to the tweet. “The world will never be the same without this beautiful soul. He touched so many lives in his time here. Happy Birthday Robin,” wrote one person on Instagram. “Your dad was such a light in my childhood, even though I never met him personally. Thankful for all the goodness he added to the world for so many of us,” another commented. Image: Instagram

Family & Pets

How traditional Indigenous education helped four lost children survive 40 days in the Amazon jungle

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/eliran-arazi-1447346">Eliran Arazi</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hebrew-university-of-jerusalem-855">Hebrew University of Jerusalem</a> The discovery and rescue of <a href="https://www.reuters.com/world/americas/four-missing-colombian-children-found-alive-jungle-sources-2023-06-10/">four young Indigenous children</a>, 40 days after the aircraft they were travelling in crashed in the remote Colombian rainforest, was hailed in the international press as a “<a href="https://www.lemonde.fr/en/international/article/2023/06/11/miracle-in-the-jungle-colombia-celebrates-rescue-of-children-lost-in-amazon-rainforest_6030840_4.html">miracle in the jungle</a>”. But as an anthropologist who has spent more than a year living among the Andoque people in the region, <a href="https://www.academia.edu/100474974/Amazonian_visions_of_Visi%C3%B3n_Amazon%C3%ADa_Indigenous_Peoples_perspectives_on_a_forest_conservation_and_climate_programme_in_the_Colombian_Amazon">conducting ethnographic fieldwork</a>, I cannot simply label this as a miraculous event. At least, not a miracle in the conventional sense of the word. Rather, the survival and discovery of these children can be attributed to the profound knowledge of the intricate forest and the adaptive skills passed down through generations by Indigenous people. During the search for the children, I was in contact with Raquel Andoque, an elder maloquera (owner of a ceremonial longhouse), the sister of the children’s great-grandmother. She repeatedly expressed her unwavering belief the children would be found alive, citing the autonomy, astuteness and physical resilience of children in the region. Even before starting elementary school, children in this area accompany their parents and elder relatives in various activities such as gardening, fishing, navigating rivers, hunting and gathering honey and wild fruits. In this way the children acquire practical skills and knowledge, such as those demonstrated by Lesly, Soleiny, Tien and Cristin during their 40-day ordeal. Indigenous children typically learn from an early age how to open paths through dense vegetation, how to tell edible from non-edible fruits. They know how to find potable water, build rain shelters and set animal traps. They can identify animal footprints and scents – and avoid predators such as jaguars and snakes lurking in the woods. Amazonian children typically lack access to the sort of commercialised toys and games that children in the cities grow up with. So they become adept tree climbers and engage in play that teaches them about adult tools made from natural materials, such as oars or axes. This nurtures their understanding of physical activities and helps them learn which plants serve specific purposes. <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/532019/original/file-20230614-31-hrdd5z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/532019/original/file-20230614-31-hrdd5z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532019/original/file-20230614-31-hrdd5z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532019/original/file-20230614-31-hrdd5z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532019/original/file-20230614-31-hrdd5z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532019/original/file-20230614-31-hrdd5z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532019/original/file-20230614-31-hrdd5z.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="A youg girl holding up an insect as her family works alongside" /><figcaption>A local Indigenous girl on an excursion to gather edible larvae. Image courtesy of Eliran Arazi, Author provided</figcaption></figure> Activities that most western children would be shielded from – handling, skinning and butchering game animals, for example – provide invaluable zoology lessons and arguably foster emotional resilience. <h2>Survival skills</h2> When they accompany their parents and relatives on excursions in the jungle, Indigenous children learn how to navigate a forest’s dense vegetation by following the location of the sun in the sky. <figure class="align-left zoomable"><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=551&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=551&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=551&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=692&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=692&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532012/original/file-20230614-29-ii5s0u.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=692&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="Map of the Middle Caqueta region of Colombia." /></a><figcaption>Map showing where in Colombia the four lost children are from. Gadiel Levi, Author provided</figcaption></figure> Since the large rivers in most parts of the Amazon flow in a direction opposite to that of the sun, people can orient themselves towards those main rivers. The trail of footprints and objects left by the four children revealed their general progression towards the Apaporis River, where they may have hoped to be spotted. The children would also have learned from their parents and elders about edible plans and flowers – where they can be found. And also the interrelationship between plants, so that where a certain tree is, you can find mushrooms, or small animals that can be trapped and eaten. <h2>Stories, songs and myths</h2> Knowledge embedded in mythic stories passed down by parents and grandparents is another invaluable resource for navigating the forest. These stories depict animals as fully sentient beings, engaging in seduction, mischief, providing sustenance, or even saving each other’s lives. While these episodes may seem incomprehensible to non-Indigenous audiences, they actually encapsulate the intricate interrelations among the forest’s countless non-human inhabitants. Indigenous knowledge focuses on the interrelationships between humans, plants and animals and how they can come together to preserve the environment and prevent irreversible ecological harm. This sophisticated knowledge has been developed over millennia during which Indigenous people not only adapted to their forest territories but actively shaped them. It is deeply ingrained knowledge that local indigenous people are taught from early childhood so that it becomes second nature to them. It has become part of the culture of cultivating and harvesting crops, something infants and children are introduced to, as well as knowledge of all sort of different food sources and types of bush meat. <h2>Looking after each other</h2> One of the aspects of this “miraculous” story that people in the west have marvelled over is how, after the death of the children’s mother, the 13-year-old Lesly managed to take care of her younger siblings, including Cristin, who was only 11 months old at the time the aircraft went down. <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/532007/original/file-20230614-19-7q92j0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/532007/original/file-20230614-19-7q92j0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532007/original/file-20230614-19-7q92j0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532007/original/file-20230614-19-7q92j0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532007/original/file-20230614-19-7q92j0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532007/original/file-20230614-19-7q92j0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/532007/original/file-20230614-19-7q92j0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="Three Indigenous people in western clothes stood under trees in front of a wide building." /><figcaption>Iris Andoque Macuna with her brother Nestor Andoque and brother-in-law Faustino Fiagama after the two men returned from the search team. Iris Andoque Macuna., Author provided</figcaption></figure> But in Indigenous families, elder sisters are expected to act as surrogate mothers to their younger relatives from an early age. Iris Andoke Macuna, a distant relative of the family, told me: <blockquote> To some whites [non-Indigenous people], it seems like a bad thing that we take our children to work in the garden, and that we let girls carry their brothers and take care of them. But for us, it’s a good thing, our children are independent, this is why Lesly could take care of her brothers during all this time. It toughened her, and she learned what her brothers need. </blockquote> <h2>The spiritual side</h2> For 40 days and nights, while the four children were lost, elders and shamans performed rituals based on traditional beliefs that involve human relationships with entities known as dueños (owners) in Spanish and by various names in native languages (such as i'bo ño̰e, meaning “persons of there” in Andoque). These owners are believed to be the protective spirits of the plants and animals that live in the forests. Children are introduced to these powerful owners in name-giving ceremonies, which ensure that these spirits recognise and acknowledge relationship to the territory and their entitlement to prosper on it. <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/531997/original/file-20230614-15389-7c6oly.JPG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/531997/original/file-20230614-15389-7c6oly.JPG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/531997/original/file-20230614-15389-7c6oly.JPG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/531997/original/file-20230614-15389-7c6oly.JPG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=400&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/531997/original/file-20230614-15389-7c6oly.JPG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/531997/original/file-20230614-15389-7c6oly.JPG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/531997/original/file-20230614-15389-7c6oly.JPG?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="Woman in pink t-shirt sat on chair inside." /><figcaption>Raquel Andoke, a relative of the missing children and friend of the author. Image courtesy of Eliran Arazi, Author provided</figcaption></figure> During the search for the missing children, elders conducted dialogues and negotiations with these entities in their ceremonial houses (malocas) throughout the <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Middle-and-Lower-Caqueta-River-region-State-of-Amazonas-Colombia-Map-from_fig1_255580310">Middle Caquetá</a> and in other Indigenous communities that consider the crash site part of their ancestral territory. Raquel explained to me: <blockquote> The shamans communicate with the sacred sites. They offer coca and tobacco to the spirits and say: “Take this and give me my grandchildren back. They are mine, not yours.” </blockquote> These beliefs and practices hold significant meaning for my friends in the Middle Caquetá, who firmly attribute the children’s survival to these spiritual processes rather than the technological means employed by the Colombian army rescue teams. It may be challenging for non-Indigenous people to embrace these traditional ideas. But these beliefs would have instilled in the children the faith and emotional fortitude crucial for persevering in the struggle for survival. And it would have encouraged the Indigenous people searching for them not to give up hope. The children knew that their fate did not lie in dying in the forest, and that their grandparents and shamans would move heaven and earth to bring them back home alive. Regrettably, this traditional knowledge that has enabled Indigenous people to not only survive but thrive in the Amazon for millennia is under threat. Increasing land encroachment for agribusiness, mining, and illicit activities as well as state neglect and interventions without Indigenous consent have left these peoples vulnerable. It is jeopardising the very foundations of life where this knowledge is embedded, the territories that serve as its bedrock, and the people themselves who preserve, develop, and transmit this knowledge. Preserving this invaluable knowledge and the skills that bring miracles to life is imperative. We must not allow them to wither away.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/207762/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/eliran-arazi-1447346">Eliran Arazi</a>, PhD researcher in Anthropology, Hebrew University of Jerusalem and the School for Advanced Studies in the Social Sciences (Paris)., <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hebrew-university-of-jerusalem-855">Hebrew University of Jerusalem</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-traditional-indigenous-education-helped-four-lost-children-survive-40-days-in-the-amazon-jungle-207762">original article</a>. Images: Getty

Caring

Murder charge levelled at children's book author

Author Kouri Richins wrote a children’s book on grief following the death of her husband in 2022. She is now being charged with his murder. Richins was arrested on May 7 in Utah and is accused of charging documents of poisoning her husband with a lethal dose of fentanyl at their home in Kamas, a small mountain town near Park City. Prosecutors allege Richins called authorities in the middle of the night in March 2022 to report that her husband, Eric Richins, was “cold to the touch”. The mum-of-three told authorities she had made her husband a mixed vodka drink to celebrate him selling a home and then went to soothe one of their children in their bedroom. She later returned and found her husband unresponsive, which prompted her to call 911. A medical examiner later found five times the lethal dosage of fentanyl in his system. Additionally, Richins is facing charges involving the alleged possession of GHB - a narcolepsy drug typically used in recreational settings, including at dance clubs. The charges, which are based on officers’ interactions with Richins that evening and the account of an “unnamed acquaintance” who claimed to have sold her the fentanyl, come two months after Richins appeared on local television to promote Are You With Me, a picture book she wrote to help children cope with the death of a loved one. For a segment called Good Things Utah, Richins referred to her husband’s death as unexpected and explained how it sent her and her three boys spiralling. In terms of children, she said, grieving was about “making sure that their spirit is always alive in your home”. “It’s ... explaining to my kid just because he’s not present here with us physically, doesn’t mean his presence isn’t here with us,” she told the reporters, who commended her for being an amazing mother. Richins’ lawyer, Sky Lazaro, declined to comment on the charges. Image credit: Instagram

Legal

Won’t somebody please think of the children? Their agency is ignored in the moral panic around drag storytime

<a href="https://www.news.com.au/national/victoria/politics/protesters-clash-over-drag-story-time-event-at-melbourne-council-meeting/news-story/f8671b4047b59f9fc27d8ffee803c9f8">Protesters derailed</a> a Monash City Council meeting on Wednesday, demanding the cancellation of a sold-out drag storytime event at Oakleigh Library in Melbourne’s south-east. This is just the latest in a string of drag performances for children throughout Victoria being cancelled or postponed in response to protest. The central message of these campaigns (accompanied by varying levels of vitriol) is the same: “let our kids be kids”, “protect our children” and “hands off our kids”, while simultaneously labelling performers and supporters of the events “paedophiles”. This is part of a global backlash. Similar protests and cancellations have happened in <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/unhinged-conspiracy-theorists-auckland-drag-queen-targeted-in-avondale-library-protest-speaks-out/TE6BFUOXVJC6VFYMU4VAUAERTQ/">New Zealand</a>, the <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-64610724">United Kingdom</a> and the <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/21/anti-drag-show-laws-bans-republican-states">United States</a>. The argument in support of drag emphasises the impact on the performers at the centre of these events and queer community, arguing that the cancellation of these events is a form of <a href="https://fortune.com/2023/03/02/drag-queens-tennessee-law-minors/">discrimination and a contravention of human rights</a>. But the debate so far overlooks the agency and rights of the events’ intended audiences: children and young people. <h2>Children as citizens</h2> Calls to “protect the children” from drag performers and trans people assume children are, in fact, in need of safeguarding. Such messaging is rooted in a tendency for Western societies to reduce childhood to an <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/au/academic/subjects/sociology/sociology-general-interest/importance-being-innocent-why-we-worry-about-children?format=PB&isbn=9780521146975">idyllic innocence</a>, which positions children as “in need of protection” and amplifies their constant vulnerability. Children’s vulnerability played a critical role in motivating the adoption of the United Nations’ <a href="https://www.ohchr.org/en/instruments-mechanisms/instruments/convention-rights-child">Convention on the Rights of the Child</a> in 1989. Since the adoption of the charter, new laws and policies have been established in Australia to criminalise forced marriage, to remove children from detention and to change the Family Law Act to better protect the rights of children. The charter details children’s need for safeguarding and special care. But it also confirms the evolving capacity of children to assert their rights as cultural citizens and their need for freedom of thought and expression. <h2>The power of drag and imaginative play</h2> Drag as a form of creative, physical and spiritual expression has existed within theatre and cultural performance <a href="https://www.grunge.com/1243587/drag-shows-older-realize-real-history/">for millennia</a>. Drag and queer performance studies have given rise to understandings of gender as an everyday performance: from the clothes we pick out, to the products we gravitate towards in supermarkets, to our repeated physical and vocal gestures. Drag pokes fun at the gender binary and, in doing so, it aims to blur the boundaries and expose the artificiality of gender roles. While the success of television shows like RuPaul’s Drag Race have established drag as something more accessible and relatable for a range of audiences, the visibility of queerness that comes with drag – especially when moving outside designated queer spaces – is an apparent step too far. But the way drag asks us to question the socially constructed nature of gender offers children a vision of self-determination. You can do what you want to do, you can be who you want to be. The potentiality within the play of drag engages the power of children’s imaginations today to conceive better tomorrows. Philosopher David Harvey refers to moments of “<a href="https://academic.oup.com/book/40603">free play</a>” as fertile ways of exploring and expressing a vast range of ideas, of taking on power structures and social practices, and imagining new possibilities for how we structure and support community. <h2>The insights of the child</h2> In post-plebiscite Australia, the success of targeted campaigns against drag-themed events for children exposes certain conditions around what are “acceptable” encounters of queer expression for children. The all-too-familiar campaign messages that swirled around the marriage debate – “protect the sanctity of marriage”, “protect families” – are rearing up again with only a minor rhetorical shift. The more obvious difference now is that the messages have been co-opted by extreme groups who are targeting individuals and threatening violence. The drag storytime event at the centre of the protests at Monash City Council remains scheduled to take place at Oakleigh Library on May 19. At the time of writing, an online petition to cancel the event has 820 supporters, while another in support of the event has over 3,300 signatures. Perhaps, then, the social temperature is not as heated towards drag performers as recent cancellations suggest. Instead, a minority of vocal and visible dissenters are dictating the rights and freedoms of the majority. The image of a drag performer in relation to a child elicits violent responses for some because it is an image of progress and change and of queer acceptance and love set against a long history of homophobia and transphobia in this country. But there are two figures in this image and one has been kept silent. In debating rights and agency, perhaps it’s time to ask and be guided by the insights of the child. Image credits: Getty Images This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/wont-somebody-please-think-of-the-children-their-agency-is-ignored-in-the-moral-panic-around-drag-storytime-204182" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.

Caring

How to teach children to think critically about money

Dr Carly Sawatzki, a lecturer at Monash University, is a teacher-educator with expertise in curriculum and pedagogy across the Victorian and Australian curricula (VCE, Victorian Curriculum, Australian Curriculum). Advice on money often boils down to <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/money/planning/what-aussies-get-wrong-about-money-and-schools-dont-help-20170522-gwa4hm.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">simplistic messages</a> about budgeting, understanding compound interest and avoiding debt. But <a href="http://www.fsa.gov.uk/pubs/consumer-research/crpr69.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">research</a> suggests financial decision-making depends as much on our values, expectations, emotions and family experiences as information taught at school. In short, the way people interact with money is highly complex and so the way we teach our kids needs to catch up. It’s time for a shift from teaching children rote-learned financial rules of thumb to instilling dispositions and a thinking process that underlies good financial decision-making. Funnily enough, the debate over “<a href="https://theconversation.com/the-smashed-avo-debate-misses-inequality-within-generations-70475" target="_blank" rel="noopener">smashed avocadoes</a>” illustrates two concepts that can make all the difference to how we approach financial decisions. The first is a future orientation and the second is self-regulation. Thinking about the future, or a “future orientation” is incredibly important when it comes to managing money. This is a tendency to consider future consequences and a willingness to delay gratification in favour of longer term goals. Self-regulation is the process by which we control our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Being aware of our financial motivations and having the ability to critically analyse our decisions is also important. These are the kinds of thought processes necessary for good financial decision-making. Money is a limited resource <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0167487005000577" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Research shows</a> that both parental behaviour (like discussing financial matters with children) and dispositions (such as future orientation) have an impact on their children’s financial behaviour into adulthood. This means that simply discussing money can help children build financial independence by practising making decisions. For example, parents and children can discuss what they want to do with any money they receive, and maybe encouraging them to bank and save. Giving children pocket money is another strategy for accomplishing this. Although not everyone has the means or the inclination to pay their children for helping out around the home. And you don’t have to. <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0038038516668125" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Research also shows</a> that financial hardship - living on a limited income and going without – can be just as useful in shaping financial understandings as the experience of growing up rich. In fact, there are things that children observe and experience – like problematic gambling and the financial fallout of marriage separation - that can influence them to think and feel more conservatively about money. As part of my ongoing research, I have spent time working with parents, teachers, and 10-12 year old students. I’ve found that the experience of financial hardship is not lost on children. During interviews some have described the importance of working to earn an income. Others have told me that their parents work multiple jobs to make ends meet and money is stressful. Some children suggested <a href="https://www.merga.net.au/publications/counter.php?pub=pub_conf&id=2148" target="_blank" rel="noopener">selling a car to save money</a>, or competently described sophisticated economic concepts (supply, demand and market equilibrium) in relation to buying and selling second-hand goods, particularly electronic games. These examples show that children for whom money is a limited resource bring valuable insights to their financial literacy education at school. There are ways that parents and teachers can sensitively tap into these insights during lessons. Promoting critical thinking and financial independence We live in a world that sells immediacy and makes it easy to tap and go. Figuring out how to balance short term desires with longer term financial goals that may seem out of reach - like funding higher education and purchasing a home - requires focus. Ultimately, children need practice applying their literacy and numeracy skills to make financial decisions independently. This can take place both at home and in the classroom. For instance, instead of giving children values-laden advice about what makes a wise financial decision (such as avoiding debt), use questioning techniques to stimulate and guide their thinking. These <a href="https://www.questia.com/read/1P3-1447133181/critical-thinking-the-art-of-socratic-questioning" target="_blank" rel="noopener">could include</a>: <ul> <li>Reasons: What are your reasons for making that decision?</li> <li>Evidence: Can you convince me that is the best decision?</li> <li>Argument: What would someone who disagreed with you say?</li> <li>Impact on others: Will your decision affect anybody else?</li> <li>Consequences: What might happen next?</li> </ul> These questions engage children to think about what drives them and what all their available choices might be. As painful as it can be, it can also be productive to let go and allow children to experience the odd financial misadventure and mistake. Later, you might ask… <ul> <li>Reflection: How did that work out? What might you do differently next time?</li> </ul> These questions have the potential to promote critical thinking, a future orientation and self-regulation - without seeming to be too judgemental or interfering. This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-teach-your-kids-to-think-more-critically-about-money-84699" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Images: Getty

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Won’t somebody please think of the children? Their agency is ignored in the moral panic around drag storytime

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