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Woman horrified after man brings his mother to first date

<p dir="ltr">A woman has been left stunned after her crush invited his mother to infiltrate their first date. </p> <p dir="ltr">The young woman took to Reddit to recall the mortifying moment, and to ask users if she was out of line by leaving the awkward date. </p> <p dir="ltr">The 23-year-old began the story by explaining how she matched with a 25-year-old man, who she referred to as Jake, on the dating app Hinge. </p> <p dir="ltr">She explained that the couple had been “chatting for a few weeks, and he seemed like a solid guy — funny, good taste in music, and even remembered I loved Italian food.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“He planned the date at this nice little spot in Dallas, which I thought was sweet,” she added. </p> <p dir="ltr">She continued, “I show up, and everything's fine at first. He's already there, we hug, and he even complimented my outfit.” </p> <p dir="ltr">“But like five minutes after I sit down, this older woman walks in. Jake stands up, waves her over, and says, ‘This is my mom!’ 'I thought I misheard him for a second.”</p> <p dir="ltr">After he introduced his mother to his date, she pulled up a chair and began asking the 23-year-old a slew of invasive questions. </p> <p dir="ltr">“She sits down at the table, all casual, and starts introducing herself to me like this is normal. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, trying to figure out if I'm being pranked. I kind of laugh nervously and say, ‘Oh, I didn't know you were bringing anyone,’ and he goes, ‘Oh, she just wanted to meet you. Don't worry—it's not a big deal’.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“But it was a big deal because she didn't just stop by to say hi — she ordered wine and stayed. The whole time, she's asking me these personal questions about my job, my family, even if I want kids someday.” </p> <p dir="ltr">“It was like an interview, not a date. Jake barely said anything. He just smiled and kept nodding like this was all normal,” she revealed. </p> <p dir="ltr">The woman then shared that after 20 minutes of the awkward encounter, she decided to leave, and texted Jake that same evening to say she didn’t want to go on another date. </p> <p dir="ltr">She said, “I couldn't take it anymore. I said I wasn't feeling great and needed to leave. I texted him later, saying I didn't think it would work out and wished him well.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Although she thought she did the right thing, she began doubting her decision and questioned if she was in the wrong. </p> <p dir="ltr">The 23-year-old concluded the post by asking, '”Now I feel kind of bad. My roommate says I did the right thing because honestly, who brings their mom to a first date? But my coworker said it was rude to just leave and that maybe his mom was just super close to him or nervous for him or whatever. Was I wrong for walking out?”</p> <p dir="ltr">Reddit users flocked to the comments section and ran to her defence as they slammed Jake for bringing his mother along on the date. </p> <p dir="ltr">One person said, “It's absurd that he would bring her. Unless she needs constant supervision due to some health issue. That is a very strange dynamic. You did what most anyone else would have done. Best of luck.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Hotel booking sites actually make it hard to get cheap deals, but there’s a way around it

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-martin-682709">Peter Martin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/crawford-school-of-public-policy-australian-national-university-3292">Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University</a></em></p> <p>Booking a place to stay on holidays has become a reflex action.</p> <p>The first thing many of us do is open a site such as <a href="https://www.wotif.com/">Wotif</a>, <a href="https://au.hotels.com/?locale=en_AU">Hotels.com</a> or <a href="https://www.trivago.com.au/">trivago</a> (all of which are these days owned by the US firm <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/accc-will-not-oppose-expedia%E2%80%99s-proposed-acquisition-of-wotif">Expedia</a>), or their only big competitor, <a href="https://www.booking.com/">Booking.com</a> from the Netherlands.</p> <p>Checking what rooms are available – anywhere – is wonderfully easy, as is booking, at what usually seems to be the lowest available price.</p> <p>But Australia’s Assistant Competition Minister Andrew Leigh is concerned there might be a reason the price seems to be the lowest available. It might be an <a href="https://ministers.treasury.gov.au/ministers/andrew-leigh-2022/media-releases/supporting-tourism-and-accommodation-providers-set-their">agreement not to compete</a>, or the fear of reprisals against hotel owners who offer better prices.</p> <h2>Agreements to not compete</h2> <p>Leigh has asked the treasury to investigate, and if that’s what it finds, it may be the booking sites have the perverse effect of keeping prices high, especially when the substantial fees they charge hotels are taken into account.</p> <p>For now, the treasury is seeking information. It has set a deadline of <a href="https://treasury.gov.au/consultation/c2022-338978">January 6</a> for hotel operators and booking sites to tell it:</p> <ul> <li> <p>the typical fees charged by online booking platforms</p> </li> <li> <p>the details of any agreements not to compete on price</p> </li> <li> <p>whether hotels that try to compete get ranked lower on booking sites.</p> </li> </ul> <p>What’s likely to come out of it is a ban on so-called price-parity clauses that prevent discounting, or a ban on “algorithmic punishment,” whereby hotels that do discount get pushed way down the rankings on the sites.</p> <p>But in the meantime, there are things we can do to get better prices, and they’ll help more broadly, as I’ll explain.</p> <h2>Flight Centre precedent</h2> <figure class="align-right zoomable"></figure> <p>Back in 2018, in a case that went all the way to the High Court, the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) forced <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/flight-centre-ordered-to-pay-125-million-in-penalties">Flight Centre</a> to pay a penalty of A$12.5 million for attempting to induce airlines not to undercut it on ticket prices.</p> <p>That the ACCC eventually won the case might be an indication price-parity clauses are already illegal under Australian law. But it’s a difficult law to enforce. This is why the treasury is considering special legislation of the kind in force in France, Austria, Italy and Belgium.</p> <p>The ACCC has known for some time that Expedia and Booking.com have included clauses in their contracts preventing hotels offering the same room for any less than they do, even directly.</p> <p>Rather than take the big two to court, in 2016 the ACCC “reached agreement” with them to delete the clauses that prevented hotels offering better deals <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/expedia-and-bookingcom-agree-to-reinvigorate-price-competition-by-amending-contracts-with-australian-hotels">face-to-face</a>.</p> <h2>The concession that conceded little</h2> <p>From then on, hotels were able to offer better deals than the sites over the phone or in person, but not on their own websites. Given we are less and less likely to walk in off the street or even use the phone to book a hotel, it wasn’t much of a concession.</p> <p>Then, in 2019, with the Commission under renewed pressure from hotel owners for another investigation, Expedia (but not Booking.com) reportedly <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/business-advice/competition/expedia-allow-hotels-undercut-prices-online/">waived</a> the rest of the clauses, giving hotel owners the apparent freedom to advertise cheaper prices wherever they liked including on their own sites without fear of retribution.</p> <p>Except several appear to fear retribution, and very few seem to have jumped at the opportunity.</p> <h2>Algorithmic punishment</h2> <p>An Expedia spokesman gave an indication of what might be in store when he was quoted as saying a hotel that undercut Expedia might “find itself ranked <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/business-advice/competition/expedia-allow-hotels-undercut-prices-online/">below its competitors</a>, just as it would if it had worse reviews or fewer high-quality pictures of its property”.</p> <p>Being ranked at the bottom of a site is much the same as not being ranked at all, something Leigh refers to as “algorithmic punishment”.</p> <p>It’s not at all clear the present law prevents it, which is why Leigh is open to the idea of legislating against it.</p> <p>Although you and I may not often think about what hotels are paying to be booked through sites such as Wotif and Booking.com, and although what’s charged to the hotel isn’t publicised, it appeard to be a large chunk of the cost of providing the room.</p> <p>One figure quoted is <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/industries/tourism/online-travel-booking-fed-up-small-businesses-call-accc-action/">20%</a>. Leigh says hotel owners have told him the fees are in the “<a href="https://ministers.treasury.gov.au/ministers/andrew-leigh-2022/transcripts/interview-geraldine-doogue-abc-saturday-extra">double digits</a>”, something he says is quite a lot when you consider the sites don’t need to clean the toilets, change the sheets or help on the front desk.</p> <h2>‘Chokepoint capitalism’</h2> <p>What this seems to mean (the treasury will find out) is almost all bookings are more expensive than they need to be because firms that sit at the “<a href="https://theconversation.com/chokepoint-capitalism-why-well-all-lose-unless-we-stop-amazon-spotify-and-other-platforms-squeezing-cash-from-creators-194069">chokepoint</a>” between buyers and sellers are squeezing sellers.</p> <p>A hotel could always abandon the sites and offer much cheaper prices, but for a while – perhaps forever – it will be much harder to find.</p> <p>In their defence, the operators of the platforms might say they need to get the best offers from hotels in order to make it worthwhile for the operators to invest in their sites, an argument the treasury is inviting them to put.</p> <p>In the meantime, with some hotels reluctant to put their best rates on their websites, but with them perfectly able to offer better rates over the phone, there’s a fairly simple way we can all get a better deal – and help fix the broader problem by weight of numbers.</p> <p>If we look up the best deal wherever we want online, and then phone and ask for a better one (or a better room), we might well find we get it. We might be saving the owner a lot of money.</p> <p>Leigh reckons the more we do ring up, the more the sites might feel pressure to discount their own fees, helping bring prices down even before he starts to think about writing legislation.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196460/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-martin-682709"><em>Peter Martin</em></a><em>, Visiting Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/crawford-school-of-public-policy-australian-national-university-3292">Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/hotel-booking-sites-actually-make-it-hard-to-get-cheap-deals-but-theres-a-way-around-it-196460">original article</a>.</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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‘Dark tourism’ is attracting visitors to war zones and sites of atrocities in Israel and Ukraine. Why?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/juliet-rogers-333488">Juliet Rogers</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>There is a disturbing trend of people travelling to the sadder places of the world: sites of military attacks, war zones and disasters. Dark tourism is now a phenomenon, with <a href="https://dark-tourism.com/">its own website</a> and dedicated tour guides. People visit these places to mourn, or to remember and honour the dead. But sometimes they just want to look, and sometimes they want to delight in the pain of others.</p> <p>Of course, people have long visited places like the <a href="https://www.auschwitz.org/en/visiting/guided-tours-for-individual-visitors/">Auschwitz-Birkenau</a> Memorial, <a href="https://www.911memorial.org/911-faqs">the site of the Twin Towers</a> destroyed in the 9/11 attacks, <a href="https://www.robben-island.org.za/tour-types/">Robben Island Prison</a>, where Nelson Mandela and others spent many years, and more recently, <a href="https://chernobyl-tour.com/english/">the Chernobyl nuclear power plant</a>. But there are more recent destinations, connected to active wars and aggression.</p> <p>Since the <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/2024/10/11/one-year-hamas-oct-attack-israel-northern-border-1961816.html">Hamas military attacks</a> of October 7 2023, in which around 1,200 people were killed and more than 250 taken hostage, celebrities and tourists have visited the related sites of the Nova music festival and the Nir Oz Kibbutz in Palestine/Israel.</p> <p>The kibbutz tours, guided by former residents, allow people to view and be guided through houses of the dead, to be shown photographs and bullet holes. Sderot, the biggest city targeted by Hamas, is offering <a href="https://apnews.com/article/israel-gaza-hamas-oct-7-tourism-sderot-8b21f590c37fa6780bf9190d6bfb62b7">what it describes as “resilience tours”</a>, connecting tourists with October 7 survivors.</p> <p>Similar places are visited <a href="https://wartours.in.ua/2023/02/25/dark-tourism-in-ukraine/">in Ukraine</a>. The “popular” Donbas war tour, for instance, takes visitors to the front lines of the conflict and offers “a firsthand look at the impact of the war on the local population”, introducing them to displaced locals, soldiers and volunteer fighters. There’s also <a href="https://wartours.in.ua/en/">a Kyiv tour</a>, which takes in destroyed military equipment and what remains of missile strikes.</p> <h2>Solidarity tours</h2> <p>These tours have various names, but <a href="https://touringisrael.com/tour/october-7-solidarity-tour/">one Israeli company</a> calls them “solidarity tours”. The idea of solidarity lessens the presumption of voyeurism, or the accusation of ghoulish enjoyment of pain or suffering. It suggests an affinity with those who have died or those who have lost loved ones.</p> <p>But solidarity is a political affiliation too. These tours are not only therapeutic. They are not only about “bearing witness”, as many guides and visitors attest. They are also about solidarity with the struggle.</p> <p>What is this struggle? Genocide scholar Dirk Moses <a href="https://www.bostonreview.net/articles/more-than-genocide/">has written thoughtfully</a> on this after October 7. Colonial states seek not just security, but “permanent security”. This makes them hyper-defensive of their borders. Israel was created as a nation <a href="https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/truman-israel/">by the newly formed United Nations</a> in 1947, two years after the end of World War II and in the shadow of the Holocaust: it was an inevitable product of the <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-century-on-the-balfour-declaration-still-shapes-palestinians-everyday-lives-86662">Balfour Declaration</a> (1917) that carved up the Middle East.</p> <p>The creation of the Israeli state turned relationships between Palestinians and Jewish people into borders to navigate and police, producing a line of security to defend.</p> <p>These borders have long been sites of humiliation and denigration toward Palestinians, whose homelands have been now occupied for many generations. Israeli Defense Force soldiers themselves <a href="https://www.breakingthesilence.org.il/testimonies/videos/29690">have spoken passionately</a> about the brutal and arbitrary violence that occurs there, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10978-016-9195-y">including “creative punishments”</a>. These were the borders that protected the sites targeted by Hamas. The Nova music festival was five kilometres from one of these borders.</p> <p>For many Israelis, any breach of those borders, any sense of loss of control, courts the terrors of the past. It raises the spectre of the Holocaust: the destruction of European Jewry, the loss of sovereignty over family, home, and over life, the loss of millions of lives, again. For Israel, as for any colonial state, security is a permanent aspiration, in Moses’s terms. The stakes are high.</p> <p>Dark tourism, seen in this light, is not only solidarity with those who have lost loved ones on October 7. It is solidarity with the border, with those who have lost that security. And that loss is profound, traumatic and, at least psychologically, can provoke violent reactions in an effort to have the borders – geographical and psychological – reasserted.</p> <h2>‘I stand with you’</h2> <p>Transitional justice mechanisms such as the truth commissions in <a href="https://www.justice.gov.za/trc/">South Africa</a>, <a href="https://www.usip.org/publications/2002/02/truth-commission-timor-leste-east-timor">Timor Leste</a> and <a href="https://www.usip.org/publications/1983/12/truth-commission-argentina">Argentina</a> apply legal frameworks to heal nations from the trauma of crimes against humanity. These mechanisms are one choice after experiences of mass violence. Ironically, their catchphrase is <em>Nunca Mas</em> (never again), which was the title of the 1984 report by Argentina’s <a href="https://www.usip.org/publications/1983/12/truth-commission-argentina">National Commission on the Dissappeared</a>.</p> <p>Permanent security of the kind Israel is seeking is another choice – and its catchphrase might well be the same. Never again will Israel’s borders be breached, never again will Jewish life be subjected to mass destruction with impunity.</p> <p>This is what solidarity can mean: not only grieving alongside those who have suffered, but attachment to an identity and borders, which are reinforced through participation. “I stand with you” is perhaps what the visits are for. I stand with you on this land, at this time, and perhaps for all time.</p> <p>But stand beside you in what now? In grief, yes. But also in rage, in pain, in vengeance and, for some, in making Israel great again.</p> <p>The hashtag #standwithus accompanies some calls for visits to the October 7 sites, for this form of tourism. It means stand with us at Israel’s border. From there, you can hear the sound of bombs falling: <a href="https://inews.co.uk/news/world/israel-7-october-massacre-sites-dark-draw-tourists-3101715">in Gaza</a>, a place where no solidarity tour will go. Yet.</p> <h2>Memorials, grief and understanding</h2> <p>Dark tourism is not always for those associated with the events. Some people visit sites of disaster and loss because they want to understand the greater sadnesses of the world and its formidable brutalities. Some want to show their respect to others. It’s not dissimilar to visiting memorials.</p> <p>Memorials collate the disparate parts of grief and reflect it as public memory. They offer fragments of historical pain that can be borne in more than one mind, to create a shared reality.</p> <p>In Pretoria, South Africa, a memorial called <a href="https://www.freedompark.co.za/">Freedom Park</a> depicts the names of every person who died in every war fought in South Africa, as well as those South Africans who died in the world wars. The names are written on a wall that circles the park. It is impossibly long and circular, and you cannot measure it with your own stride. It is disorientating and interminable, like grief.</p> <p>In this memorial-metaphor, you are unable to comprehend – and at the same time are awash with – a history of loss, represented by the names. The walls contain you, and then they cannot. Grief and even solidarity is not always about comprehension or containment. Sometimes it is about proximity. Sometimes, it is about sitting with not knowing. Sometimes, it is about solidarity with something that cannot be made sense of.</p> <p>Trauma, psychoanalysis tells us, is an experience of what we cannot assimilate. If you sit in proximity to people and places where traumatic events have happened, you can learn something. If you see the bullet holes at a site of loss, you can comprehend something. But not everything. Bullet holes in a wall are the very definition of a partial story.</p> <p>People visit memorials and sites of loss to learn and to unlearn. Dark tourism has this quality.</p> <h2>Obscenity of understanding</h2> <p>In my field, criminology and trauma studies, we try to understand why people do the violent things they do. Holocaust filmmaker and commentator <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/26303924">Claude Lanzmann has said</a> we must not indulge in what he calls the “obscenity of the project of understanding” in relation to Nazi perpetrators of the Holocaust.</p> <p>He regards curiosity about the minds of perpetrators and the rationale for violence as a violence in itself. Of the Holocaust, he says you cannot ask “Why were the Jews killed?”. It is the result that matters. But it is also the reaction that matters. The state of Israel itself – permanent security and its attendant horrors – is part of that reaction.</p> <p>But understanding can influence the reaction to violence, and contribute something to the promise of Never Again. Understanding allows us to hold more than one story in mind. It allows us to do more than <a href="https://www.ochaopt.org/">count the more than 1,200 killed</a> in Israel, or the 41,689 (plus) Palestinians killed in Gaza. Bodies are always more than numbers. But explanation is one thing, justification another. Justification is best left to the courts, international or otherwise, after the violence has ceased.</p> <p>It is hard to hear about dark tourism in Israel/Palestine and in Ukraine and try to understand it. It is hard not to condemn the tourists. But we are quick to condemn at this time – and even quicker to demand others do the same. Perhaps we should not be so righteous, and we should resist the urge to easily condemn, from our homes in what <a href="https://www.mup.com.au/books/after-mabo-paperback-softback">Tim Rowse has called</a> the “ongoing colonial encounter sometimes called ‘Australia’”.</p> <p>Indigenous people here speak of the lack of memorials on this land. But every bordered property is a site for dark tourism in Australia. Dark tourism is the effort to seek out destinations of violence and devastation, but it is not hard to see genocide from our front door in this country.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/240119/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/juliet-rogers-333488"><em>Juliet Rogers</em></a><em>, Associate Professor Criminology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/dark-tourism-is-attracting-visitors-to-war-zones-and-sites-of-atrocities-in-israel-and-ukraine-why-240119">original article</a>.</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Readers response: Are there any particular museums or historical sites that have made a lasting impression on you?

<p>When travelling around the world, some museums, attractions and historical sites can have more of a lasting impact than others. </p> <p>We asked our readers if there are any particular places that have had a lasting impression on them while travelling, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Anne Hare</strong> - The Alhambra in Granada, Spain. Absolutely beautiful. Don't miss it!</p> <p><strong>Sandra Beckett</strong> - Seemingly little known, but the British Library in London has an absolutely jaw-dropping permanent exhibition of literature. Original handwritten manuscripts from famous authors through the ages. Wonderful for book lovers.</p> <p><strong>Jackie A Morris</strong> - St Paul's Cathedral London. Not being one to get into churches, but I went there as my son asked me to. I was in awe, managed the climb to the spire as well. Etched in my memory.</p> <p><strong>Christine Taylor</strong> - The Pantheon is certainly up there.</p> <p><strong>Tony Hallam</strong> - The Colosseum in Rome. I was in awe knowing i was standing in the place where gladiators had stood and fought 2000 years ago.</p> <p><strong>Pamela Rigby</strong> - In Flanders Fields, Ypres, Belgium.</p> <p><strong>Kris White</strong> - Killing Fields in Cambodia, chilling and desperately sad.</p> <p><strong>Gayle Morris</strong> - Stonehenge and the Cliffs of Moher.</p> <p><strong>George Jamieson</strong> - The statue of David in Florence, out of this world!!!</p> <p><strong>Jim Janush</strong> - Museo De La Revolución, Havana, Cuba.</p> <p><strong>Margie Buckingham</strong> - The Uluṟu rock base at sunset- its eerie silence is unnerving.</p> <p><strong>Steve Gerreyn</strong> - Cathedral of Seville. Magnificent.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Readers response: What advice would you give to seniors looking to start a new relationship?

<p>When entering the dating world, there are always nerves, expectations and excitement at any age.</p> <p>But when it comes to dating and starting new relationships in your senior years, priorities can be skewed, and meeting someone can be nerve-wracking. </p> <p>We asked our readers what advice they would you give to seniors looking to start a new relationship, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Judy Chappell</strong> - Don’t! Nothing better than independence &amp; freedom late in life after 63 years married. I have my kids, grandkids, great grandies &amp; great friends that’s enough for me. Don’t need another male around.</p> <p><strong>Jan Heggie</strong> - If it feels right, do it. If it doesn’t feel right after a while, leave. Life is too short to not enjoy it.</p> <p><strong>Karen Simpson Nikakis</strong> - Put legals in place to protect your assets, do not cohabit or marry, and split all bills. </p> <p><strong>Lois Hone </strong>- Be true to yourself. Choose someone who completes you, the one person you feel you can’t live without. The one person, who makes you smile, laugh and is still there when you are sad and hurt and wants to support you. Oh and if they like to cook and clean as well, go for it!</p> <p><strong>Julie Fause</strong>r - Live each in your own home.</p> <p><strong>Marilyn Langelaar </strong>- Do not compare to previous partner.</p> <p><strong>Janet Olsson</strong> - Be careful. Don't rush into anything.</p> <p><strong>Lynn Dilley</strong> - Just go for it if you are happy and feel safe, but keep your money and documents to yourself.</p> <p><strong>Merle Finlayson</strong> - Go for it! It’s never too late.</p> <p><strong>Margot R McCamley </strong>- Enjoy the relationship, but there are always buts so tread carefully. Think it through thoroughly, but don't dismiss it as folly.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Readers response: What are your thoughts on online dating or dating apps for seniors?

<p>When it comes to dating, there are many ways people find their perfect person, and for many that happens online. </p> <p>We asked our readers what their thoughts are on an online dating app for seniors, and the responses were overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Kristeen Bon</strong> - I tried it for a bit, but found the men to be so unrealistic in their expectations. What they say they want and what they REALLY want are poles apart.</p> <p><strong>Helen Smith</strong> - It works great but men really need to look in a mirror now and then.</p> <p><strong>Sue Rowley</strong> - Personally, I’m happy on my own, but if you’re looking for a partner where else is there to meet someone? Pub, supermarket, dog walking? Not many options really, especially when you’re older.</p> <p><strong>Jenny Gordon</strong> - Would not consider it. Would prefer to stay single than see how friends and relatives have been affected by using them.</p> <p><strong>Ali Veldman</strong> - Risky at any age, in my opinion.</p> <p><strong>Diane Derby</strong> - I’d never entertain one. I like being by myself, plus two much catfishing and ghosting to be able to find a decent type.</p> <p><strong>Margaret Godfrey</strong> - Tried it. A dismal failure in a small population. What is the point of men interstate responding when you live a plane flight away?</p> <p><strong>John Coffey</strong> - Met my late partner online, and had a great 10 years. It can be a minefield though.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Relationships

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Are you up to date with your COVID, flu and other shots? It might depend on who your GP is

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-breadon-1348098">Peter Breadon</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/grattan-institute-1168">Grattan Institute</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/anika-stobart-1014358">Anika Stobart</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/grattan-institute-1168">Grattan Institute</a></em></p> <p>Too many older Australians are <a href="https://grattan.edu.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/A-fair-shot-How-to-close-the-vaccination-gap-Grattan-Institute-Report.pdf">missing out</a> on recommended vaccinations for COVID, flu, shingles and pneumococcal that can protect them from serious illness, hospitalisation and even death.</p> <p>A new <a href="https://grattan.edu.au/">Grattan Institute report</a> shows vaccination rates vary widely from GP to GP, highlighting an important place to look for opportunities to boost vaccination.</p> <p>Many people get vaccinated at pharmacies, and those vaccinations are counted in our analysis. But we looked at GPs because they have a unique role overseeing someone’s health care, and an important role promoting vaccination.</p> <p>We found that for some GPs, nine in ten of their older patients were vaccinated for flu. For others, the rate was only four in ten. The differences for shingles and COVID were even bigger. For pneumococcal disease, there was a 13-fold difference in GPs’ patient vaccination rates.</p> <p>While some variation is inevitable, these differences are large, and they result in too many people missing out on recommended vaccines.</p> <h2>Some GPs treat more complex patients</h2> <p>A lot of these differences reflect the fact that GPs see different types of patients.</p> <p>Our research shows older people who aren’t proficient in English are up to 15% less likely to be vaccinated, even after other factors are taken into account. And the problem seems to be getting worse.</p> <p>COVID vaccination rates for people 75 years and older fell to just 36% in May 2024. But rates were even lower – a mere 11% – for people who don’t speak English proficiently, and 15% for those who speak a language other than English at home.</p> <p>Given these results, it’s no surprise that GPs with fewer patients who are vaccinated also have more patients who struggle with English. For GPs with the lowest vaccination rates, one-quarter of their patients aren’t proficient in English. For GPs with the highest vaccination rates, it is only 1%.</p> <p>GPs with fewer vaccinated patients also saw more people who live in rural areas, are poorer, didn’t go to university, and don’t have regular access to a GP, all of which reduce the likelihood of getting vaccinated.</p> <p>Many of these barriers to vaccination are difficult for GPs to overcome. They point to structural problems in our health system, and indeed our society, that go well beyond vaccination.</p> <p>But GPs are also a key part of the puzzle. A <a href="https://www.ijidonline.com/article/S1201-9712(14)01379-4/fulltext">strong</a> <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21645515.2020.1780848">recommendation</a> from a GP can make a big difference to whether a patient gets vaccinated. <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/primary-health-care/general-practice-allied-health-primary-care">Nearly all</a> older Australians visit a GP every year. And some GPs have room for improvement.</p> <h2>But GPs seeing similar patients can have very different vaccination rates</h2> <p>We compared GPs whose patients had a similar likelihood of being vaccinated, based on a range of factors including their health, wealth and cultural background.</p> <p>Among the GPs whose patients were least likely to get a flu vaccination, some saw less than 40% of their patients vaccinated, while for others in that group, the rate was over 70%.</p> <p>Among GPs with patients who face few barriers to vaccination, the share of their patients who were vaccinated also varied widely.</p> <p>Even within neighbourhoods, GP patient vaccination rates vary a lot. For example, in Bankstown in Sydney, there was a seven-fold difference in COVID vaccination rates and an 18-fold difference for pneumococcal vaccination.</p> <p>Not everything about clinics and patients can be measured in data, and there will be good reasons for some of these differences.</p> <p>But the results do suggest that some GPs are beating the odds to overcome patient barriers to getting vaccinated, while other GPs could be doing more. That should trigger focused efforts to raise vaccination rates where they are low.</p> <h2>So what should governments do?</h2> <p>A comprehensive national reform agenda is <a href="https://grattan.edu.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/A-fair-shot-How-to-close-the-vaccination-gap-Grattan-Institute-Report.pdf">needed to increase adult vaccination</a>. That includes clearer guidance, national advertising campaigns, SMS reminders, and tailored local programs that reach out to communities with very low levels of vaccination.</p> <p>But based on the big differences in GPs’ patient vaccination rates, Australia also needs a three-pronged plan to help GPs lift older Australians’ vaccination rates.</p> <p>First, the way general practice is funded needs to be overhauled, providing more money for the GPs whose patients face higher barriers to vaccination. Today, clinics with patients who are poorer, sicker and who struggle with English tend to get less funding. They should get more, so they can spend more time with patients to explain and promote vaccination.</p> <p>Second, GPs need to be given data, so that they can easily see how their vaccination rates compare to GPs with similar patients.</p> <p>And third, Primary Health Networks – which are responsible for improving primary care in their area – should give clinics with low vaccination rates the help they need. That might include running vaccination sessions, sharing information about best practices that work in similar clinics with higher vaccination rates, or offering translation support.</p> <p>And because pharmacies also play an important role in promoting and providing vaccines, governments should give them data too, showing how their rates compare to other pharmacies in their area, and support to boost vaccination uptake.</p> <p>These measures would go a long way to better protect some of the most vulnerable in our society. Governments have better data than ever before on who is missing out on vaccinations – and other types of health care.</p> <p>They shouldn’t miss the opportunity to target support so that no matter where you live, what your background is, or which GP or pharmacy you go to, you will have the best chance of being protected against disease.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234175/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-breadon-1348098"><em>Peter Breadon</em></a><em>, Program Director, Health and Aged Care, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/grattan-institute-1168">Grattan Institute</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/anika-stobart-1014358">Anika Stobart</a>, Senior Associate, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/grattan-institute-1168">Grattan Institute</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/are-you-up-to-date-with-your-covid-flu-and-other-shots-it-might-depend-on-who-your-gp-is-234175">original article</a>.</em></p>

Body

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Sombre Aussie site tops global list of most unusual abandoned places

<p>Each year, thousands of people travel to famous abandoned buildings and hotspots to explore what were once important landmarks. </p> <p>Some deserted sites are more popular than others, as these ten sites received tens of thousands of visitors each year. </p> <p><strong>Buzludzha, Bulgaria</strong></p> <p>The Buzludzha Monument in central Bulgaria has been dubbed the tenth most famous abandoned place in the world, each year welcoming over 18,000 people. </p> <p>The site was constructed in 1981 and used by the Bulgarian communist government, and was in use until the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1989.</p> <p><strong>Ohio State Reformatory, USA</strong></p> <p>After first opening in 1898, the goal of the Ohio State Reformatory was to truly "reform" and rehabilitate its inmates.</p> <p>The facility was closed in 1990, and each year attracts more than 21,000 visitors.</p> <p><strong>Gereja Ayam, Indonesia</strong></p> <p>The uniquely shaped house of prayer in Central Java continues to be a popular tourist attraction in Indonesia, welcoming more than 50,000 travellers each year. </p> <p>Construction on the church was never completed after work was halted in 2000.</p> <p><strong>Lago di Resia Bell Tower, Italy</strong></p> <p>The 14-century sunken bell tower can be found near the border of Switzerland, emerging from the water from a sunken village where travellers claim they can hear bells tolling, even though there are no bells in the tower. </p> <p>The lonely (and probably haunted) tower receives more than 54,000 tourists each year. </p> <p><strong>Canfranc, Spain</strong></p> <p>The abandoned railway station is located in the Spanish municipality of Canfranc, close to the French border and once was a major hub for cross-border railway traffic.</p> <p>It first opened in 1928, but closed its doors by 1970 before it was reimagined as a hotel.  </p> <p><strong>Beelitz Military Hospital, Germany</strong></p> <p>The large hospital complex was first built in 1898 as a sanatorium, but was transformed into a hospital at the beginning of WWI and has been abandoned since 1990. </p> <p>It's understood Hitler was treated here after being wounded in the Battle of Somme, which could be the reason more than 64,000 travellers flock there each year. </p> <p><strong>Eastern State Penitentiary, USA</strong></p> <p>The prison in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is described as one of the country's most historic prisons and has housed some famous prisoners such as Al Capone.</p> <p>The prison was closed in 1971 and is tagged on social media by more than 79,000 every year. </p> <p><strong>Croix-Rouge, Paris</strong></p> <p>Also known as the Red Cross, this Paris train station has been abandoned since 1939 after France entered WWII.</p> <p>The station was only functional for 16 years, and welcomes more than 95,000 curious travellers each year. </p> <p><strong>Teufelsberg, Germany</strong></p> <p>Teufelsberg was one of the largest listening towers in the world during the Cold war.</p> <p>The site was closed in 1972, but still receives around 128,000 every year. </p> <p><strong>Port Arthur, Australia</strong></p> <p>More than a quarter of a million visitors travel to Port Arthur in Tasmania each year.</p> <p>The site itself was first opened as a timber station in 1830 and is known as a symbol of the country's convict past.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

International Travel

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Tourist arrested for disgusting act at sacred UNESCO World Heritage Site

<p>A tourist has been arrested after he committed this disgusting act on top of the Leshan Giant Buddha, a sacred UNESCO World Heritage Site in China. </p> <p>The man allegedly found a blind spot away from CCTV cameras, climbed over the security fence and on top of the statue. </p> <p>Once he reached the top of the monuments head, he proceeded to pull down his pants and urinate in front of horrified visitors who filmed the act. </p> <p>Security guards quickly removed the unidentified man and handed him over to police, after being informed of his actions. </p> <p>It is reported that the man was taken to a nearby hospital for psychiatric evaluation.</p> <p>The UNESCO World Heritage Site itself is a 71-metre-tall monument, which is considered to be the largest and tallest stone Buddha statue in the world. </p> <p>The Leshan Giant Buddha monument is located in the Sichuan Province of China, and was carved out of a cliff face between 713 and 803 AD. </p> <p>The statue and surrounding Mount Emei Scenic Area have been listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site since 1996.</p> <p>This act is one of many incidences of tourists behaving badly across the world. </p> <p>In June 2023 a German tourist was detained after <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/travel/travel-trouble/tourist-accused-of-causing-over-8-000-in-damages-to-iconic-roman-statue" target="_blank" rel="noopener">climbing up</a> a 16th-century Fountain of Neptune, and was accused of causing over $8,000 in damages to the iconic statue. </p> <p>Prior to that, an Irish tourist landed himself into <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/finance/legal/tourist-busted-for-carving-name-into-world-s-most-famous-roman-relic" target="_blank" rel="noopener">trouble in Rome</a> after carving his and his girlfriend's name onto the walls of the Colosseum. </p> <p><em>Images: News.com.au</em></p> <p> </p>

Travel Trouble

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"I just don't like old skin": Jane Fonda's bizarre confession

<p>Jane Fonda has made an unusual confession about her dating life, explaining why she would only date people of a certain age. </p> <p>The Hollywood legend, 85, has been married three times throughout her life: first to director Roger Vadim from 1965 to 1973, then to activist Tom Hayden from 1973 to 1990, and finally to CNN founder Ted Turner from 1991 to 2001.</p> <p>Fonda is currently single, but doesn't plan on staying that way. </p> <p>Despite being open to finding love, the actress has a very specific criteria for potential suitors to meet before agreeing to a date. </p> <p>On the <em>Absolutely Not</em> podcast, the Oscar winner initially suggested she was done with men for good, saying, “I’m done, I’m over, I’m [almost] 86 years old, even in the dark I wouldn’t want to be naked in front of anybody.” </p> <p>But she then went on to confess that there’s still a chance she could fall for a man, but they would just have to be substantially younger. </p> <p>“And here’s another thing, I’m ashamed to say this, if I were to take a lover, he’d have to be 20. Because I don’t like old skin,” said Fonda.</p> <p>She continued, “And consequently, I don’t want to foist that on anybody else. I assume other people are like me, I just don’t like old skin.”</p> <p>“I disapprove of 86-year-old men with 20-year-old women, so I’m not going to repeat it. I can ogle them, and I can’t pretend that I don’t get turned on if I see a certain kind of a person, but no, no, no, I don’t want to force that on anybody.”</p> <p>Her confession has been criticised on social media, with some suggesting the star would be “cancelled” if it was a man that had said the same about young women. </p> <p>“This is seriously weird,” tweeted one fan, while another said: “But an 85 year old man wanting to date a 20 year old woman is disgusting? Am I right?”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Relationships

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Thief asks woman out on date after robbing her at gunpoint

<p>A US woman has gone through the harrowing experience of being robbed at gunpoint, but it was what happened after the fact that was almost as eerie.</p> <p>Amber Beraun was checking the mail one night at her Indianapolis home in May when she was approached by a man with a gun.</p> <p>The gunman was later identified as Damien Boyce.</p> <p>Speaking to WRTV, Beraun said she was confronted by Boyce, who attempted to enter her home. She refused and gave him all the cash she had handy, which came to $100.</p> <p>Before he made his escape, Boyce asked Beraun a very unexpected, and quite frankly bizarre question - to add him on Facebook.</p> <p>The thief also noted he was planning to pay her back.</p> <p>Beraun responded, telling him she “believed” him and that “times just get rough”.</p> <p>Boyce proceeded to ask the woman to “come chill”.</p> <p>He was later arrested by the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department and charged over a separate armed robbery on June 12, where two people got shot and one was hit in the head with a brick.</p> <p>He was also charged with his robbery of Beraun.</p> <p>Beraun said her local neighbourhood has been affected by the terrifying incident.</p> <p>"It makes me a little on edge knowing that people walk up and down the street, looking for places to commit crimes," she said.</p> <p>"It makes it a little different when you hear noises at night."</p> <p>Beraun insisted she "never" thought something like this would happen to her.</p> <p>"He took away my sense of safety from my home."</p> <p><em>Image credit: ABC America</em></p>

Legal

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Long-married couples said not to know each other as well as newlyweds

<p>You would think decades of marriage together would give older couples plenty of time to get to know each other but an interesting new study suggests otherwise, finding that couples who have been together for decades are worse at predicting what their partner likes than newlyweds.</p> <p>The study, published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, tested young couples, aged from 19 to 32, who had been together for an average of two years and older couples, aged from 62 to 78, who had been together for at least 40 years. Each of the 116 participants was presented with a series of descriptions (of foods, movies, house designs and so on) and asked to rate his or her preference and predict how their partner would rate the item. They were also asked to estimate how many of their predictions were correct.</p> <p>And well, overall, we’re not great at knowing what our significant other likes, even though we think we are. Young couples got 42 per cent of their predictions right and older couples only predicted 36 per cent of their partners’ preferences, when both couple groups overconfidently estimated they would get 62 per cent of answers right.</p> <p>“This is surprising because, compared to younger couples, older couples had much more time and opportunities to learn about each other's preferences over the course of their relationship,” the team of psychologist wrote.</p> <p>They suggested that younger couples may be more motivated to understand their partners during the early stages of a relationship.</p> <p>“Another reason could be that older couples pay less attention to each other, because they view their relationship as already firmly committed or because they think they already know their partner well,” said one of the researchers, Dr Benjamin Scheibehenne of the University of Basel.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Divorce led me to my true love

<p><em><strong>Over60 community member, Mary Green, 63, shares her story about how when her marriage suddenly ended after 44 years she found that it was a blessing in disguise.</strong></em></p> <p>"On the Easter weekend of 2012 I was dumped by my husband of 44 years! After a small disagreement I had gone to our holiday flat on a remote golf course outside Melbourne to work on a book fast approaching its publishing deadline. When I messaged that I would be back on Tuesday, he replied by SMS that he had changed the locks.</p> <p>I was incredulous. Marriage is often not easy, but I was about to find out just how tough I was. For the next two months I travelled gypsy style between the golf flat and the tiny new South Yarra studio my second of three sons had just moved into. I have not been inside our family home since.</p> <p>This was the situation I was in when I decided to date. At 63 I just started again. I joined three online dating sites and did not waste time. I booked to meet seven men in the next seven days, apparently breaking all the rules of being cautious and discreet. All seven men were polite and interesting. We had a coffee or met in a wine bar and I had fun, but there was no chemistry. I was just happy being free from my husband.</p> <p>During this time my husband sent my belonging to me on a truck (which I paid for) and when I was sorting through the boxes of files, a page caught my eye. It was the minutes of the golf estate owner’s corporation, and out jumped the name of a man that I had been at school with. Our sisters were best friends in those days. I checked Facebook, and there he was, with three children, seven grandchildren – but I couldn’t see a wife. A bit of messaging banter later, I asked him to ring me.</p> <p>We met up for a drink that turned into dinner and a hug that I will never forget. In my eyes he was still the handsome sporting hero that I had beaten in the high school mixed doubles tennis finals. He was not looking to date. I hoped he would just give me some lessons in online dating. He had been divorced for about 15 years and had two very long relationships with women that he had met on dating sites. He told me that my booking of seven men in seven days was breaking the rules, but also admitted that he had stacked his dates, just hours apart, in order to meet them all. By Christmas 2012 we were a couple in love.</p> <p>It’s been nearly two years since that first date and I am grateful for the internet and the coincidence that we both owned property on the same golfing estate. He plays A Grade, and I try. We are similar in so many other ways that it’s quite spooky sometimes. Our families have embraced each other and the joy of just knowing he is there helps me immensely through what has been a difficult time.</p> <p>Having worked as a support in my ex-husband’s career, and suddenly having to pay bills without a job of my own, led me to Centrelink. They said that I was too old to retrain at no cost, unless I wanted to study Aged Care – something rather peculiar in that thinking, a subsidised course in bookwork software would be more useful and help me save on accountant’s fees. In the meantime I’m setting up my own Facebook blog, called Healthy Ageing. If I can find a good man on the internet, I am optimistic about building a good lifestyle on it too."</p> <p><em>*Names have been changed</em></p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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Rolf Harris' cause – and date – of death confirmed

<p>Rolf Harris’ cause of death has been revealed following the announcement of his passing after a battle with neck cancer.</p> <p>While the information was made public on May 23, his death certificate states he died several weeks ago.</p> <p>On May 11, it was speculated that Harris was gravely ill after an ambulance was spotted outside his UK home.</p> <p>However, it wasn’t until May 23 that his death was confirmed.</p> <p>The date of his death on the certificate was listed as May 10, one day before the ambulance was seen.</p> <p>The cause of death was listed as squamous cell carcinoma of neck – neck cancer – and “fragility of old age”.</p> <p>It was first revealed in late 2022 that Harris had been severely ill and struggled to communicate with people.</p> <p>The gap between the date of his passing and his death certificate allowed the family to hold a funeral for Harris and cremate him away from the public eye.</p> <p>In a short statement released by his family, they said Harris “died peacefully surrounded by family and friends and has now been laid to rest”.</p> <p>Harris lived with his wife of 65 years, Alwen Hughes, 91, who has Alzheimer’s disease. Both needed round the clock care.</p> <p>Private investigator and author William Merrit told the Daily Mail Harris was gravely ill when he saw him in 2022.</p> <p>“Rolf has been very sick. When I saw him he was able to speak to me. He was with it, but he was obviously unwell,” he said.</p> <p>A neighbour also shared Harris’ health had declined after the death of his poodle, Bumble in 2022.</p> <p>“Only carers and nurses, who care for him 24 hours, come and go. I’m told he can’t eat anymore,” they said.</p> <p>Harris was born in 1930 in Bassendean, in Perth’s north east.</p> <p>He was a champion swimmer in his youth before moving to London in the early 50s’, where he studied art.</p> <p>After getting early gigs working as a performer and illustrator for the BBC and ITV, he rose to fame for his art and music.</p> <p>In 2005, Queen Elizabeth sat for a portrait with him.</p> <p>Harris received several awards and honours, most of which were taken away. He had been appointed a Member of the Order of the British Empire in 1968 and was appointed to the Order of Australia (AM), where he later advanced to Officer (AO) in 2012.</p> <p>He was thrust into the spotlight in 2013 after being arrested as part of a UK police investigation into a string of sexual offences. He was also accused of taking indecent images of children.</p> <p>He stood trial in June 2014 and was convicted of 12 counts of indecent assault against four teenage girls between 1968 and 1986, one of which was later appealed. He was sentenced to jail for five years and nine months.</p> <p>Harris was released from Stafford Prison in England’s midlands in mid-2017 after three years behind bars and was rarely spotted in public afterwards.</p> <p>He stood trial again in mid-2017 for separate cases of sexual assault, involving seven complainants aged between 12 and 27 at the time of the alleged incidents. He was found not guilty on three counts and was cleared after the jury failed to reach a verdict on four other counts.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Getty</em></p>

News

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3 things all couples fight about (and what to do about them)

<p>All couples argue from time to time, and it seems that we’re all fighting about the same things. These three issues crop up time and time again, mainly because there’s a deeper meaning than whose turn is it really to vacuum the house. Here are a few reasons why conflicts about money, sex and chores often escalate and how to cool down things down.</p> <p><strong>Money</strong></p> <p>Fights about money are rarely about money. Money is fraught with layers of meaning and often how we see it (and how we handle it) is a reflection of our personal values around freedom, security and generosity. Fights about spending can often be traced back to fears about not having influence in important matters in your life, worries about future security or concerns that your partner does not respect you or your money values. If you find yourself continually arguing about money, rather than focusing on the dollar value of items or pinning blame on who spent what when, talk generally about what role you think money should play in your life.</p> <p><strong>Sex</strong></p> <p>The intimate act of sex can both be a wonderful cementer of relationships or it can be terrible wedge that causes untold relationship tension. Arguing about how often to have sex is often not about the act itself but about our feelings of connection, affection and love. It’s important to remember that just like people change over the years so do desires and intimacy needs. Fluctuating libidos is a factor of life and the way to ensure you’re on the same page as your partner is to communicate. Don’t just expect your partner to instinctively know what you need.</p> <p><strong>Housework</strong></p> <p>It may sound like the most trivial of fights but disputes over domestic chores are less about the tasks and more about the underlying meanings of respect, fairness and worth. When one person feels like the household tasks are not shared or equal, it can unearth negative feelings that the other person does not appreciate them or does not respect them enough to help out. Have an agreement about housework tasks and talk about whether it may have a deeper meaning.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Why it's never too late to start dating

<p>Thinking about getting back into the dating game? It’s a new world out there and going on a date has changed. Here’s what you need to know.</p> <p>Whether you’re looking for love and companionship in your 20s and 30s or your 60s and 70s, dating is a universal experience that remains timeless. You’re never too old to meet someone new, rendezvous for a dinner and a movie, and possibly have something develop into a relationship. It’s just the act of “going on a date” that can change over the decades.</p> <p>If you’re looking to get back into the dating game but aren’t sure what to expect, don’t worry because you’re not alone. Many singles in their 50s and 60s would like to find a companion to share their life with but aren’t sure how to go about dipping their toe back into the dating pool.</p> <p><a href="http://www.valeriegibson.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Valerie Gibson</a>, US-based dating and relationship expert and author of <em>The Later Dater</em>, says dating again doesn’t have to be scary, it’s what you make of it. “Most people just want to have someone in their life who loves them, cares about them, is supportive, fun to be with, interesting to talk to and shares their goals,” she says.</p> <p>“That’s what dating is all about – the search to hopefully find someone with whom you can joyfully and happily spend your later years. You may not find them right away, but the journey through dating while you’re searching can be fun and exciting, and make ageing a fascinating adventure.” With that in mind, here are some tips from Valerie Gibson to get you comfortable with the idea of dating at any age.</p> <p><strong>Dating later</strong><br />While dating is a universal and timeless experience for everyone, it can be different depending on your age. In your 20s and 30s, dating is young, passionate, romantic, and carries the prospect of a long-term relationship leading to marriage.</p> <p>“The pleasure of dating in your later years is that dating is a little more low-key and less energetic, but can be much more meaningful and have a lot of depth and satisfaction, and often a lot of commitment.</p> <p>“Both parties have had relationships/marriages and are well aware of what they want now in a personal connection. Although dating at these lovely ages may not have the same wildfire of that in your 20s and 30s (which can burn out quickly at times), meeting someone new and dating them can be just as exciting at a later age as it was when you were much younger.” However, she adds that a lot depends on your positive attitude, youthful spirit and health as to whether later dating works for you.</p> <p><strong>First date jitters affect everyone</strong><br />One thing that affects singles, no matter their age, is a feeling of nervousness when meeting someone for the first time, particularly on a first date! It can be an intimidating experience, particularly if you haven’t done this in a good 20 to 30 years.</p> <p>The best way forward is to leave your expectations at the door and simply enjoy the experience of meeting and learning about a new person when on your date. Relax, enjoy yourself, learn about the other person and ask questions.</p> <p>“Most people are nervous at that first meeting and often trying too hard to impress. It usually eases on the second date and contrary to most opinions “chemistry” is not necessarily there immediately – it can grow.” If you don’t feel like it’s a good match from the get-go, however, when the time comes politely exit. Always treat people how you would like to be treated in similar circumstances.</p> <p><strong>Winning conversation</strong></p> <p>Whether you’re on a first date or not, there are a few topics you should steer clear of when meeting a person for the first time. It’s generally agreed that religion and politics are no-go zones, since these subjects are too inflammatory and divisive, and certain to make sure there isn’t another date.</p> <p>“I always tell people to not pour out all of their previous problems with their dates, marriages or relationships on the first date, especially any horror stories of your last ex. A person wants to know a little about you and who you are but not your complete life history and all of your life’s disappointments.</p> <p>“Keep it light and basically informative, discuss subjects such as music, books, movies, your travels, food and wine, hobbies, and you can also find out whether you have interests in common which is important.”</p> <p><strong>It’s a digital world</strong></p> <p>The dating game has changed quite a bit over the years, mostly with the arrival of the internet. Meeting someone online through a dating website has become one of the most popular ways where people are now searching for Mr or Mrs Right, particularly singles in their 50s and 60s.</p> <p>“There’s no question that online dating has become the most popular way of meeting someone when you’re over 60. The biggest growing demographic for online dating sites are people 50-plus.</p> <p>“It’s because it can be done from the comfort of your home, there’s some controllable privacy and anonymity to it which older people find reassuring and protective, and it’s the only way to meet hundreds, if not thousands, of other singles in your age group who you would never meet in everyday life – all at the click of a key.”</p> <p>Valerie warns that while there are genuine people looking for love online, you may unfortunately come across others who are not so genuine. Be cautious and if in doubt, ask a friend or family member for advice.</p> <p>While online dating is one great way to meet a partner, other options include through mutual friends, volunteering, joining clubs and groups, taking classes and basically, just getting out and mingling with people. “You’ll never meet someone sitting at home.”</p> <p><strong>Be informed about the new world</strong><br />For those looking to start meeting new people and go on dates, the best way to prepare yourself is to learn as much about the new world of dating as you can. Read books, ask friends (even talk to your children if they’re dating!), do some research and get yourself ready both emotionally and physically.</p> <p>“Always remember you have been through a lot in your life and dating isn’t life threatening after all! Make up your mind that you’re going to enjoy it and enjoy the people you meet, whether or not they are Mr or Mrs Right or someone who fits your long list of requirements.</p> <p>“The people you meet are also probably nervous, just like you, and also looking for someone they might like, can get along with, possibly fall in love with and maybe share their life with or maybe just to share some good times!”</p>

Relationships

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10 amazing abandoned sites around the world

<p>For every perfectly-manicured tourist attraction around the world, there are scores more that haven’t been touched in years, yet still draw thousands of curious thrill-seekers who aren’t afraid of a bit of dust (and maybe a few ghosts!). Take a look at these incredible abandoned places that are definitely worth a visit – but only if you’re game.</p> <ol start="1"> <li><strong>Chateau Miranda, Belgium</strong> – an imposing castle built in 1866 but abandoned in 1991 after becoming too expensive to maintain.</li> <li><strong>Kolmanskop, Namibia</strong> – a German settlement established in the early 20th century to mine for diamonds, but which has been a ghost town since the ‘50s.</li> <li><strong>Teufelsberg, Germany</strong> – the “Devil’s Mountain” is a manmade hill in Berlin created out of rubble from WWII and home to a former US National Security Agency (NSA) listening station.</li> <li><strong>House-Monument of the Bulgaria Communist Party, Bulgaria</strong> – it looks like it’s straight out of a sci-fi film, but in its heyday, this structure was the meeting place of communist leaders.</li> <li><strong>Garnet Ghost Town, USA</strong> – this remote town in Montana was built to house those rushing to the state during the gold rush, but these days, the mines are empty and so are the houses.</li> <li><strong>Ross Island, India</strong> – this British Administrative Centre was abandoned after a serious earthquake in 1941. It now lies in overgrown yet beautiful ruins.</li> <li><strong>Wonderland Amusement Park, China</strong> – construction on Beijing’s answer to Disneyland stopped after land disputes, so all that’s left is the surreal shell to a Disney-esque castle.</li> <li><strong>SS Ayrfield, Australia</strong> – right in the middle of Homebush Bay lies this floating relic of the past, covered in beautiful greenery.</li> <li><strong>Villa Epecuén, Argentina</strong> – from the 1920s to 1985, this Buenos Aires village was a popular tourist destination, after a flood forced both residents and visitors out for good.</li> <li><strong>Gouqi Island, China</strong> – on the banks of the Yangtze River lies this beautiful forgotten fishing village, filled with ivy-covered homes reminiscent of old European towns.</li> </ol> <p><em>Images: Shutterstock</em></p>

International Travel

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A dating coach’s guide to making a lasting impression with that special someone

<p><em><strong>Monica Parikh is a lawyer, writer, and dating coach. She started the <a href="http://www.schooloflovenyc.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">School of Love in New York City</span></a> to help men and women develop happier and healthier relationships.</strong></em></p> <p>When my ex-husband disappeared, I unexpectedly got divorced at 36 years old. I went back on the dating market--after a 10-year hiatus. Flirting was the best tool in my arsenal (besides an optimistic attitude). Before long, I was meeting men in all sorts of places—the subway, elevators, the gym, and airports.</p> <p>In my coaching practice, I often see women and men who have forgotten how to flirt. Oh, the pity! Flirting adds spicy intrigue to the mundane. If you’re single, it’s a wonderful way to signal availability and interest. If you’re in a relationship, it helps maintain spark and fuels passion. A little simple flirting says to the world, “I’m alive!”</p> <p>Flirtation is simply the art of conversation amped up a notch. I’ve always been a good flirt, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a better—mostly because I’ve grown in confidence and self-esteem. A few key tips:</p> <p><strong>1. Radiate strength</strong></p> <p>Naked selfies aren’t sexy. Neither is telling your life story on a first date. Real sexiness stems from the ability to tickle the imagination and create intrigue. Less exhibitionism, fewer words, and more confidence fuel desire.</p> <p><strong>2. Smile</strong></p> <p>Smile big and often — it lights up your face and says that you’re approachable and warm. It is the green light that gives others confidence to approach you and start conversation.</p> <p><strong>3. Be playfully combative</strong></p> <p>When we’re attracted to someone, we often veer toward being overly agreeable and conciliatory. Talk about throwing cold water on a spark! Being challenging, feisty, and a bit unpredictable (while still being nice) is very sexy. My partner and I often playfully spar with words. Intelligent banter makes for a very flirtatious (and fun) relationship.</p> <p><strong>4. Create an air of mystery</strong></p> <p>When I was single, a stranger on an elevator once offered to walk me to the subway with his umbrella during a rainstorm. When we arrived, he asked for my number. I demurred, saying that I don’t talk to strangers. (Wink.) He offered his card. I took it but made no promises. He was handsome and charismatic, so I knew he was used to having women chase him.</p> <p>I waited several days (to build intrigue) and sent him a one-sentence email. He responded immediately, admitting that he checked his email constantly for word from me. Not knowing where the other person stands fuels desire. So, hold your cards close to your chest.</p> <p><strong>5. Laugh</strong></p> <p>We’re all a little too serious. Take a ribbing. Give a ribbing. Laugh until your sides ache. Dating and romance are supposed to be fun, after all.</p> <p><strong>6. Tap into your feminine (or masculine) energy</strong></p> <p>I have a serious job as a lawyer during the day, so I make deliberate efforts to tap into my softer side after work. I often go home, take a bath and change clothes before a date. I love jewel-colored dresses, red lipstick, and French perfume. This little ritual “washes” the 9-to-5 off me and helps me tap into a different energy/vibration. Each person’s formula is unique, but spend time figuring out the clothing, style, and rituals that bring about the most authentic and empowered you.</p> <p><strong>7. Ask questions</strong></p> <p>Conversation with a stranger can be daunting. My advice? Show interest in your beloved’s work, hobbies, family, and interests. Sit back and relax while they open up. You will glean key insights. And I guarantee they will remember you as an amazing conversationalist while they have performed the bulk of the work.</p> <p><strong>8. Say a person's name — often</strong></p> <p>My game changed for the better after reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. While technically not a dating book, it’s a wonderful guide on how to be a more engaging person. Carnegie says that someone's name is "to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Pay attention when someone introduces themselves. Repeat their name back immediately. Sprinkle it throughout conversation. Be amazed at the result.</p> <p><strong>9. Show warmth</strong></p> <p>Gently touching someone’s hand or back is a wonderful way to show interest. Be respectful of another person’s space. It’s not about draping yourself all over them (or being clingy), which is a big turn-off. It’s about small signals of interest, respectfully scattered here and there.</p> <p><strong>10. Be original</strong></p> <p>Successful flirting is about being 100 percent you. Personally, I’m an extroverted nerd who loves the public library, backpacking through Asia, Wes Anderson films, and 1970's soul music. Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd. Accept that what makes you unique also makes you memorable. That is the most powerful vibrational frequency you can live in — and one that will surely attract an ideal partner.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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6 of the world’s most beautiful (and surreal) landscapes

<p>With unreal colours and dizzying visual tricks, these places look like they have come from a film set. But these amazing landscapes are all real and show the true majesty of nature.</p> <p><strong>Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia</strong></p> <p>The largest salt flat on earth, Salar de Uyuni covers over 10,500 square kilometres near the crest of the Andes. The whole area is covered in salt crusts a few metres thick and there is almost no variation in altitude across the entire surface. The ground and the sky seem to merge into one, creating mind boggling optical illusions and a mirror-like effect across the sparkling surface. There are even hotels made of carved salt blocks, from the walls and floors right through to the furniture.</p> <p><strong>Lavender fields in Provence, France</strong></p> <p>Provence is the world’s largest producer of lavender and each year between June and August you can find endless rows of bushes bursting with bright purple flowers. Drive or cycle along the unofficial “Lavender Highway” – the Plateau de Claparédes – for an endless carpet of lavender fields, with the occasional charming chateau or farmhouse perched within the blooms.</p> <p><strong>Tianzi Mountains, China</strong></p> <p>These eerie peaks look like they belong on the set of Avatar, rising dramatically from narrow bases to over 1,200 metres in the air. A cable car runs to the top giving birds’ eye views over the deep valleys and thundering waterfalls that run down many of the mountains. The area is often covered in clouds, creating a mystical atmosphere and giving the impression that the rocks are floating in a foggy sea.</p> <p><strong>Grand Prismatic Spring, Yellowstone National Park, USA</strong></p> <p>Yellowstone is home to numerous hot springs and gushing geysers, but what sets this one apart is its startling colour pattern. The water radiates out from the centre in bands of blue, green, yellow, orange and red – a pattern that matches the rainbow dispersion of white light through a prism, hence the name. The colours are a result of the pigmented bacteria that live around the edge of the spring and thrive in the 70 degrees Celsius water.</p> <p><strong>Sossusvlei sand dunes, Namibia</strong></p> <p>These remote dunes are said to be the tallest in the world with some rising to almost 400 metres. You can climb them, but the sand is soft and fine as talcum powder so it’s torture on the legs. The surrounding desert is stark and forbidding, and the winds will blow away any footprints almost as soon as they are made. The dunes are best viewed at sunrise or sunset when the red sand seems to glow from within.</p> <p><strong>Lake Hillier, Western Australia</strong></p> <p>This bubblegum pink lake is found on Middle Island off the coast of Esperance and is the most famous of a number of pink lakes found across the state. Scientists are unsure why the water is such a vibrant hue, but speculate that it might be from a dye created by the bacteria that live in the lake’s salt crust. It is most spectacular when seen from above – just a thin strip of lush green vegetation separates it from the blue of the Southern Ocean.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

International Travel

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Dating 101: what to wear on a date

<p>Dating and meeting new people are by no means all about looks and what you wear. However, not only will investing a little time in what you wear on a date make you look good, it will also make you feel good and put a positive spring in your step.</p> <p>Firstly, when pondering your outfit for a first date it’s worth keeping in mind that it’s always best to be on the smarter, slightly over-dressed side rather than under dressed. Presenting yourself well is worth it. If you turn up looking like you've just rolled out of bed, you're not likely to make a great first impression. And first impressions count.</p> <p>Here are some wardrobe pointers when deciding on what to wear on a first date:</p> <p><strong>Set the scene</strong><br />One of the most important considerations to keep in mind when selecting an outfit for a date is, where are you going, what will you be doing and what are others there likely to be wearing. It is also worthwhile seeing if there’s a dress code for the venue. You can usually find this on the website for the place or by giving them a quick call. A successful date will come from you feeling comfortable, so it’s important you don’t look, or feel, out of place. For example, you don’t want to wear a suit to a casual, laid-back dinner spot. Or, don running shoes to a fancy restaurant or bar. Fitting in with your surroundings will make you feel comfortable and allow you to relax. Don’t make things more nerve-wracking than they already are.</p> <p><strong>Confidence-boosting ensembles</strong><br />You’d be surprised just how powerful clothes can be in making you feel great. So opt for something you feel good in, as your outfit will impact how confident and natural you feel as well as your comfort levels while on a date. And this works both ways – you’ll want to ensure everything you opt for fits you well and isn’t uncomfortable. New shoes will give you blisters, a top a size too small will make you feel squeezed in, a woollen jumper could overheat your body – all of these things will show in your body language and mood. It’s a good idea to select something that you've worn before and you know makes you feel fantastic as well as attractive.</p> <p><strong>Finishing touches</strong><br />The little finishing touches – like an accessory, a splash of perfume and looking fresh – are not be underestimated. If you’ve had a busy day and you’re going straight from one place to a date, take the time to freshen up – use deodorant, have a breath mint, spritz on a scent and tidy up your hair and outfit. Looking fresh and crisp will help impress your date, but furthermore, feeling fresh will energise you.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Beauty & Style