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Hotel booking sites actually make it hard to get cheap deals, but there’s a way around it

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-martin-682709">Peter Martin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/crawford-school-of-public-policy-australian-national-university-3292">Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University</a> Booking a place to stay on holidays has become a reflex action. The first thing many of us do is open a site such as <a href="https://www.wotif.com/">Wotif</a>, <a href="https://au.hotels.com/?locale=en_AU">Hotels.com</a> or <a href="https://www.trivago.com.au/">trivago</a> (all of which are these days owned by the US firm <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/accc-will-not-oppose-expedia%E2%80%99s-proposed-acquisition-of-wotif">Expedia</a>), or their only big competitor, <a href="https://www.booking.com/">Booking.com</a> from the Netherlands. Checking what rooms are available – anywhere – is wonderfully easy, as is booking, at what usually seems to be the lowest available price. But Australia’s Assistant Competition Minister Andrew Leigh is concerned there might be a reason the price seems to be the lowest available. It might be an <a href="https://ministers.treasury.gov.au/ministers/andrew-leigh-2022/media-releases/supporting-tourism-and-accommodation-providers-set-their">agreement not to compete</a>, or the fear of reprisals against hotel owners who offer better prices. <h2>Agreements to not compete</h2> Leigh has asked the treasury to investigate, and if that’s what it finds, it may be the booking sites have the perverse effect of keeping prices high, especially when the substantial fees they charge hotels are taken into account. For now, the treasury is seeking information. It has set a deadline of <a href="https://treasury.gov.au/consultation/c2022-338978">January 6</a> for hotel operators and booking sites to tell it: <ul> <li> the typical fees charged by online booking platforms </li> <li> the details of any agreements not to compete on price </li> <li> whether hotels that try to compete get ranked lower on booking sites. </li> </ul> What’s likely to come out of it is a ban on so-called price-parity clauses that prevent discounting, or a ban on “algorithmic punishment,” whereby hotels that do discount get pushed way down the rankings on the sites. But in the meantime, there are things we can do to get better prices, and they’ll help more broadly, as I’ll explain. <h2>Flight Centre precedent</h2> <figure class="align-right zoomable"></figure> Back in 2018, in a case that went all the way to the High Court, the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) forced <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/flight-centre-ordered-to-pay-125-million-in-penalties">Flight Centre</a> to pay a penalty of A$12.5 million for attempting to induce airlines not to undercut it on ticket prices. That the ACCC eventually won the case might be an indication price-parity clauses are already illegal under Australian law. But it’s a difficult law to enforce. This is why the treasury is considering special legislation of the kind in force in France, Austria, Italy and Belgium. The ACCC has known for some time that Expedia and Booking.com have included clauses in their contracts preventing hotels offering the same room for any less than they do, even directly. Rather than take the big two to court, in 2016 the ACCC “reached agreement” with them to delete the clauses that prevented hotels offering better deals <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/expedia-and-bookingcom-agree-to-reinvigorate-price-competition-by-amending-contracts-with-australian-hotels">face-to-face</a>. <h2>The concession that conceded little</h2> From then on, hotels were able to offer better deals than the sites over the phone or in person, but not on their own websites. Given we are less and less likely to walk in off the street or even use the phone to book a hotel, it wasn’t much of a concession. Then, in 2019, with the Commission under renewed pressure from hotel owners for another investigation, Expedia (but not Booking.com) reportedly <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/business-advice/competition/expedia-allow-hotels-undercut-prices-online/">waived</a> the rest of the clauses, giving hotel owners the apparent freedom to advertise cheaper prices wherever they liked including on their own sites without fear of retribution. Except several appear to fear retribution, and very few seem to have jumped at the opportunity. <h2>Algorithmic punishment</h2> An Expedia spokesman gave an indication of what might be in store when he was quoted as saying a hotel that undercut Expedia might “find itself ranked <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/business-advice/competition/expedia-allow-hotels-undercut-prices-online/">below its competitors</a>, just as it would if it had worse reviews or fewer high-quality pictures of its property”. Being ranked at the bottom of a site is much the same as not being ranked at all, something Leigh refers to as “algorithmic punishment”. It’s not at all clear the present law prevents it, which is why Leigh is open to the idea of legislating against it. Although you and I may not often think about what hotels are paying to be booked through sites such as Wotif and Booking.com, and although what’s charged to the hotel isn’t publicised, it appeard to be a large chunk of the cost of providing the room. One figure quoted is <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/industries/tourism/online-travel-booking-fed-up-small-businesses-call-accc-action/">20%</a>. Leigh says hotel owners have told him the fees are in the “<a href="https://ministers.treasury.gov.au/ministers/andrew-leigh-2022/transcripts/interview-geraldine-doogue-abc-saturday-extra">double digits</a>”, something he says is quite a lot when you consider the sites don’t need to clean the toilets, change the sheets or help on the front desk. <h2>‘Chokepoint capitalism’</h2> What this seems to mean (the treasury will find out) is almost all bookings are more expensive than they need to be because firms that sit at the “<a href="https://theconversation.com/chokepoint-capitalism-why-well-all-lose-unless-we-stop-amazon-spotify-and-other-platforms-squeezing-cash-from-creators-194069">chokepoint</a>” between buyers and sellers are squeezing sellers. A hotel could always abandon the sites and offer much cheaper prices, but for a while – perhaps forever – it will be much harder to find. In their defence, the operators of the platforms might say they need to get the best offers from hotels in order to make it worthwhile for the operators to invest in their sites, an argument the treasury is inviting them to put. In the meantime, with some hotels reluctant to put their best rates on their websites, but with them perfectly able to offer better rates over the phone, there’s a fairly simple way we can all get a better deal – and help fix the broader problem by weight of numbers. If we look up the best deal wherever we want online, and then phone and ask for a better one (or a better room), we might well find we get it. We might be saving the owner a lot of money. Leigh reckons the more we do ring up, the more the sites might feel pressure to discount their own fees, helping bring prices down even before he starts to think about writing legislation.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196460/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/peter-martin-682709">Peter Martin</a>, Visiting Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/crawford-school-of-public-policy-australian-national-university-3292">Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/hotel-booking-sites-actually-make-it-hard-to-get-cheap-deals-but-theres-a-way-around-it-196460">original article</a>.

Travel Trouble

Despair after four years of pressure: how do Olympians deal with disappointment?

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-mesagno-1252903">Christopher Mesagno</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/victoria-university-1175">Victoria University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/courtney-c-walton-1236295">Courtney C Walton</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a> Australia’s soccer team entered Paris with high hopes of notching their first Olympic medal but those aspirations came crashing down with <a href="https://olympics.com/en/news/paris-2024-olympics-australia-vs-usa-football-women-group-match-3">defeat to the United States</a>. Even without star striker Sam Kerr, the Matildas – who enjoyed <a href="https://theconversation.com/connection-camaraderie-and-belonging-why-the-matildas-could-be-making-you-a-sports-fan-for-the-very-first-time-211526">a famous run</a> to finish fourth at the 2023 FIFA World Cup – were considered medal fancies but couldn’t progress past the group stage. It was a devastating loss – but how do these athletes (and others who don’t achieve their goals in Paris) rebound from the disappointment? <h2>The pressure of performing</h2> Every four years, <a href="https://olympics.com/ioc/news/olympic-games-tokyo-2020-watched-by-more-than-3-billion-people">billions of viewers</a> around the world unite in awe of the skill and perseverance of Olympians and Paralympians. The athletes fortunate enough to compete in Paris 2024 will have done their best to put years of dedicated preparation into their performances. Many will have performed well and some achieved their goal of claiming a medal. Others, though, will finish the games with the feeling they did not fully realise their potential when it counted most. This leaves many athletes finishing the games with crushing disappointment. Famously, legendary swimmer (and now retired) Cate Campbell experienced this after her results at the Rio Olympics, which led to awful abuse and <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-08-31/olympian-cate-campbell-pens-letter-to-trolls-qld/10186576">harassment from a portion of the Australian public</a>. <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.685322/full">Research has shown</a> that many athletes report lower wellbeing after returning from the Olympics, including <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-you-get-home-its-really-lonely-new-research-shows-how-athletes-cope-with-post-olympic-life-163576">a sense of loneliness</a>, disappointment, and lack of direction. One of the reasons Olympic disappointment is so difficult is the deep ways in which an athlete’s identity gets wrapped up in their performance. That is, after years of being seen as “an athlete”, many begin to feel who they are as a person is dependent on how they perform. <h2>Athlete mental health and the role of self-criticism</h2> The mental health challenges faced by many athletes are now well recognised. <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40279-020-01266-z">Research here in Australia</a> has found elite athletes show rates of mental ill-health at similar, if not greater, numbers than the general public. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/JSM.0b013e318287b870">Major performance disappointments</a> are well known contributors to this. Perhaps adding salt to the wound, one of the ways that elite athletes deal with disappointment is through self-criticism. This can include hostile ways of relating to oneself, which can lead to feelings of worthlessness and inferiority. Being self-critical is seen in many pursuits as the only way to get ahead, in an attempt to remove weakness and demand self-improvement. However, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165032718312254">research repeatedly shows</a> that most forms of self-criticism are associated with symptoms of mental ill-health. Moreover, harsh forms of internal judgement are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167211410246">far less effective</a> at motivating growth and development than we might think. Athletes, like the rest of us, need to find another way to handle the inevitable setbacks and disappointments as they arise. <h2>A role for compassion</h2> A growing body of research and practice has suggested self-compassion might fit the bill. <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjc.12043">Compassion can be defined</a> as the sensitivity to suffering in self and others, with a commitment to try to reduce or prevent the suffering. It can be directed to others, received from others, or directed internally (self-compassion). For an athlete experiencing post-Olympic distress, showing self-compassion involves turning towards that distress rather than avoiding, judging, or criticising, and then identifying what they need to address it. This is harder than it may seem. One of the reasons self-compassion is so difficult is because it goes against many of the ways in which we have learned to self-motivate. Indeed, many athletes will report a common worry: that being self-compassionate might lower their standards. That’s just not the case. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167212445599">Research has shown</a> self-compassion can motivate self-improvement and athletes with higher levels of self-compassion show positive performance outcomes in sport. This is in contrast to self-criticism. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/1750984X.2022.2161064">Research has also shown</a> athletes who engage in more self-compassion tend to report a range of benefits including better mental health, and more helpful responses to disappointment. For this reason, there is a growing focus within clinical and sport psychology to help <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/00050067.2022.2033952">develop self-compassion among athletes</a> as a resource for resilience. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wmMXGipifKA?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>Two-time Olympian Laurence Halsted says self-compassion helped improve his performance.</figcaption></figure> <h2>Building self-compassion</h2> So, how can athletes (and the rest of us) build an ability to be self-compassionate? <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-be-kind-to-yourself-without-going-to-a-day-spa-223194">There are lots of ways</a>. A great start is using our inner wisdom to recognise how we would offer compassion to another person we care for, and then directing it inwards. Perhaps ask yourself: “how would I respond to a close friend in this situation?” Other strategies aim to trigger a soothing response in our bodies which can affect <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-017-0745-7">both our psychology and physiology</a>. For example we can actively change the tone of our inner thoughts <a href="https://soundcloud.com/jamesn-kirby/cft-posture-facial-expressions-and-voice-tone?si=89b19f29fc56462fad532c19bb44899b&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing">and outward facial expression</a> to be friendly rather than neutral or hostile. Additional practices involve mental imagery (or visualisation) to <a href="https://soundcloud.com/courtney-walton-449877725/sets/exercises-to-promote-self">develop our “compassionate self</a>”, which we can then learn to step into. These practices make up some of the key ingredients to compassionate mind training and compassion-focused therapy, which have been <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2024-33588-001.html">shown to reduce depression and self-criticism</a>. In this way, athletes can offer themselves the support they need to get through the difficulties of Olympic and Paralympic disappointment. <h2>More than self-compassion</h2> Just as important as an athlete’s self-compassion is the receiving of <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586161">compassion</a> from others. After her Rio disappointment, <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-08-31/olympian-cate-campbell-pens-letter-to-trolls-qld/10186576">Cate Campbell said</a> <blockquote> Australians love winners — I felt like the only way I could endear myself to the Australian public was to come back with one of those shiny gold medals. </blockquote> So during and after these Olympic and Paralympic Games, let’s come together and support our athletes, no matter their result. For more on this topic, check out <a href="https://omny.fm/shows/psychtalks/what-do-athletes-need-for-good-mental-health">episode one of PsychTalks</a>, a podcast by the University of Melbourne’s School of Psychological Sciences.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/227904/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-mesagno-1252903">Christopher Mesagno</a>, Senior Lecturer - Sport and Exercise Psychology, Research Fellow - Institute for Health and Sport, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/victoria-university-1175">Victoria University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/courtney-c-walton-1236295">Courtney C Walton</a>, Academic Fellow & Psychologist, Melbourne School of Psychological Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/despair-after-four-years-of-pressure-how-do-olympians-deal-with-disappointment-227904">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

The US just returned to the Moon after more than 50 years. How big a deal is it, really?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/david-flannery-3906">David Flannery</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a> In the few short years since the COVID pandemic changed our world, China, Japan and India have all successfully landed on the Moon. Many more robotic missions have flown past the Moon, entered lunar orbit, or crashed into it in the past five years. This includes <a href="https://www.planetary.org/space-missions/kplo">spacecraft developed by South Korea</a>, <a href="https://english.alarabiya.net/News/gulf/2023/04/27/Dubai-s-ruler-announces-new-moon-mission-after-UAE-s-Rashid-Rover-lunar-crash-">the United Arab Emirates</a>, and an <a href="https://www.spaceil.com/">Israeli not-for-profit organisation</a>. Late last week, the American company <a href="https://www.intuitivemachines.com/">Intuitive Machines</a>, in collaboration with NASA, celebrated “America’s return to the Moon” with a successful landing of its Odysseus spacecraft. Recent <a href="https://theconversation.com/change-5-china-launches-sample-return-mission-to-the-moon-is-it-winning-the-new-space-race-150665">Chinese-built sample return missions</a> are far more complex than this project. And didn’t NASA ferry a dozen humans to the Moon back when microwaves were cutting-edge technology? So what is different about this mission developed by a US company? <h2>Back to the Moon</h2> The recent Odysseus landing stands out for two reasons. For starters, this is the first time a US-built spacecraft has landed – not crashed – on the Moon for over 50 years. Secondly, and far more significantly, this is the first time a private company has pulled off a successful delivery of cargo to the Moon’s surface. NASA has lately focused on destinations beyond the Earth–Moon system, including Mars. But with its <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/commercial-lunar-payload-services/">Commercial Lunar Payload Services</a> (CLPS) program, it has also funded US private industry to develop Moon landing concepts, hoping to reduce the delivery costs of lunar payloads and allow NASA engineers to focus on other challenges. Working with NASA, Intuitive Machines selected a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malapert_(crater)">landing site</a> about 300 kilometres from the lunar south pole. Among other challenges, landing here requires entering a polar orbit around the Moon, which consumes additional fuel. At this latitude, the land is heavily cratered and dotted with long shadows. This makes it challenging for autonomous landing systems to find a safe spot for a touchdown. NASA spent about US$118 million (A$180 million) to land six scientific <a href="https://www.esa.int/Enabling_Support/Space_Engineering_Technology/About_Payload_Systems">payloads</a> on Odysseus. This is relatively cheap. Using low-cost lunar landers, NASA will have an efficient way to test new space hardware that may then be flown on other Moon missions or farther afield. <h2>Ten minutes of silence</h2> One of the technology tests on the Odysseus lander, NASA’s <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/directorates/stmd/impact-story-navigation-doppler-lidar/">Navigation Doppler Lidar experiment</a> or NDL, appears to have proved crucial to the lander’s success. As the lander neared the surface, the company realised its navigation systems had a problem. NASA’s NDL experiment is serendipitously designed to test precision landing techniques for future missions. It seems that at the last second, engineers bodged together a solution that involved feeding necessary data from NDL to the lander. Ten minutes of silence followed before a <a href="https://twitter.com/Int_Machines/status/1760838333851148442">weak signal was detected</a> from Odysseus. Applause thundered through the mission control room. NASA’s administrator released a video congratulating everyone for returning America to the Moon. It has since become clear the lander is not oriented perfectly upright. The solar panels are generating sufficient power and the team is slowly receiving the first images from the surface. However, it’s likely Odysseus <a href="https://www.universetoday.com/165864/odysseus-moon-lander-is-tipped-over-but-still-sending-data/">partially toppled over</a> upon landing. Fortunately, at the time of writing, it seems most of the science payload may yet be deployed as it’s on the side of the lander facing upwards. The unlucky payload element facing downwards <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/23/world/odysseus-lunar-landing-sideways-scn/index.html">is a privately contributed artwork</a> connected <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/22/style/jeff-koons-moon-phases-odysseus-landing/index.html">to NFTs</a>. The lander is now likely to survive for at least a week before the Sun sets on the landing site and a dark, frigid lunar night turns it into another museum piece of human technology frozen in the lunar <a href="https://www.britannica.com/science/regolith">regolith</a>. <h2>Win some, lose some</h2> NASA’s commercial approach to stimulating low-cost payload services all but guarantees some failures. But eventually NASA hopes that several commercial launch and landing providers will emerge from the program, along with a few learning experiences. The know-how accumulated at organisations operating hardware in space is at least as important as the development of the hardware itself. The market for commercial lunar payloads remains unclear. Possibly, once the novelty wears off and brands are no longer able to generate buzz by, for example, <a href="https://www.columbia.com/omni-heat-infinity/moon-mission/">sending a piece of outdoor clothing to the Moon</a>, this source of funding may dwindle. However, just as today, civil space agencies and taxpayers will continue to fund space exploration to address shared science goals. Ideally, commercial providers will offer NASA an efficient method for testing key technologies needed for its schedule of upcoming scientific robotic missions, as well as <a href="https://www.nasa.gov/specials/artemis/">human spaceflight in the Artemis program</a>. Australia would also have the opportunity to test hardware at a reduced price. It’s worth noting that US budgetary issues, <a href="https://spacenews.com/nasa-warns-of-very-problematic-space-technology-budget-cuts/">funding cuts</a> and <a href="https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/jpl-workforce-update">subsequent lay-offs</a> do threaten these ambitions. Meanwhile, in Australia, we may have nothing to launch anyway. We continue to spend less <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_departments/Parliamentary_Library/Budget/reviews/2023-24/ScienceResearch">than the OECD average on scientific research</a>, and only a few Australian universities – who traditionally lead such efforts – <a href="https://business.gov.au/grants-and-programs/moon-to-mars-initiative-demonstrator-mission-grants/grant-recipients">have received funding</a> provided by the Australian Space Agency. If we do support planetary science and space exploration in the future, Australians will need to decide if we want to allocate our limited resources, competing with NASA and US private industry, to supply launch, landing and robotic services to the global space industry. Alternatively, we could leverage these lower-cost payload providers to develop our own scientific space program, and locally developed space technologies associated with benefits to the knowledge economy, education and national security.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/224276/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/david-flannery-3906">David Flannery</a>, Planetary Scientist, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a> Image credits: Intuitive Machines This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-us-just-returned-to-the-moon-after-more-than-50-years-how-big-a-deal-is-it-really-224276">original article</a>.

International Travel

Going home for the holidays? How to navigate conflict and deal with difficult people

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> The holiday season is upon us and for many that means all the tension that comes with it. This time of year can be a minefield of uncomfortable moments, disagreement and outright conflict. It’s no wonder <a href="https://fortune.com/well/2022/12/03/home-for-holidays-family-gatherings-mental-health/">many young people</a> are apprehensive about returning home for the holidays after living far away. There are many reasons interpersonal difficulties can arise over the holidays. Perhaps your aunt doesn’t like what you did with her pie recipe, or your friend’s new partner has unsettling political beliefs. Maybe you haven’t lived at home in a while, but your family still talks to you like you’re the same person you were in school. Maybe you’re bringing your partner to meet your family for the first time, and aren’t sure whether everyone will get along. People have socialised less with friends and family <a href="https://triple-c.at/index.php/tripleC/article/view/1167">since the pandemic</a>, and may be feeling out of practice. This can be compounded by all the things people can disagree about. Some topics are higher risk for blowups, and best <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/book/10.1002/9781444354119#page=122">avoided</a> in such settings (religion and politics, for starters). Whether it’s <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11109-018-9476-2">true or not</a>, there’s a popular perception that tricky subjects are more numerous and divisive than ever. Dare one bring up anything adjacent to Brexit, vaccinations or the cost of living? Even bringing your mobile phone to the dining table could get you in trouble. So what happens if your uncle has too much mulled wine and something slips out that annoys or even horrifies you? Family arguments are a common theme in holiday films, but their scripted resolutions are rarely realistic and not based on <a href="https://repository.lboro.ac.uk/articles/book/Talk_the_science_of_conversation/9476291">empirical research</a>. By considering how these things work in the context of real interactions, we can move from what sounds good in theory to what we can put into practice. <h2>Think before you speak</h2> In real-world situations, <a href="http://pstorage-loughborough-53465.s3.amazonaws.com/21189843/Thesis2019Joyce.pdf">interactions can escalate</a> before you’re even fully aware that they’re happening. You might be able to anticipate why and how an interaction might become a problem. Does alcohol generally lead to arguments in your family? Are your parents usually hypercritical of your new partners? Consider how to avoid problems before they start. <figure>In the moment, you can often spot “clues” that something is about to go awry. Trouble doesn’t usually emerge solely because of one person, but through <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780429058011-13/conflict-interaction-phillip-glenn">the back-and-forth between people</a>. Assuming too much about who might be “the difficult one” and why won’t be helpful on its own.</figure> You have to learn to recognise the conversational moves people are making (including your own) and see how <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780126235500500082">other people respond to them</a>. Some facial expressions can express doubt or distrust, and contemptuous expressions (such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2021.1936858">eye-rolling</a>) can signal that a conversation might take a turn toward insult rather than discussion. A response that starts with the word <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216615002465?casa_token=gyu3pjfpGrEAAAAA:VwEe8rVBXvsbF9V_aeYylN42IpKYeZ1BGqp85VoP_rkBQZtEI5AbuqBloiPxgTKfsJjj5VTSvcY">“well”</a> can be warning of incoming disagreement. As you notice what ways of speaking get what kinds of responses, you can be more thoughtful about what you choose to say. Even <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-319-99094-1_2">changing a single word</a> can shift the direction of a conversation. A common sign that a conversation is starting to escalate unhelpfully is that people begin <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=AIU2DQgEJQUAAAAA%3AGoBBF8SPSXcDmiKBAwaIihjFngE1ck8QiVj0HFZO7VGxi8TtkOf7PB0j5NMV9ufgMN4BwF-dMFA1Gw">commenting on the conversation itself and accusing</a> one another of unreasonable behaviour. Once you learn to be more conscious of that, it can help you reflect on how to respond in ways that might deescalate… if that’s what you want to do. <h2>Why we fight</h2> There is a dilemma here: sometimes backing down from a conflict challenges our values of authenticity and commitment to our beliefs. If someone says something insulting, whether mild or <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216622002120">egregious</a>, it feels disingenuous and morally irresponsible to smooth things over. Some conflict is worth engaging, especially with someone you care about who is willing to listen and think about things. The complication is, that’s not always the case. Often when people argue about something they care about, they end up <a href="https://ttu-ir.tdl.org/handle/2346/16661">misaligned</a> or “talking at cross purposes”, where they’re not really even discussing the same thing anymore. Every conversation has a trajectory, but it’s entirely possible for a conversation to have <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2786745#metadata_info_tab_contents">parallel or divergent trajectories</a>. In such cases, it’s unlikely that any amount of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2019.1631044">good-faith discussion</a> is actually going to be <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=y7CoCCptr6AAAAAA:LCHuB6-BRaH4HPIothLVX_ENhSPlfshapdyvxzk9LjlQa24WJyRM4sXF2_bFp6oiWAfWnsVIoK8">productive</a>. At the end of the day, it’s also worth considering what makes a person or conversation “difficult”. Assigning that word to someone <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2001.tb00234.x?casa_token=g5XfR-FKNLEAAAAA:GFvy6M4CY9IHrE51_NTEJDNgf6bdPqJZPX2Q2KZStBesgv8UIJDj7YTBnVMOSpRCDRWbX-DsmkQFaWQ">is not a neutral or objective</a> statement. Maybe you, in fact, are the “difficult person”. Maybe, for some kinds of conflict, you should want to be difficult. And maybe, sometimes, it’s alright to go outside and let off steam with a snowball fight.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/196751/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/going-home-for-the-holidays-how-to-navigate-conflict-and-deal-with-difficult-people-196751">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Advice on dealing with tricky in-laws

From heated discussions to awkward family dinners, your relationship with your in-laws can have a big impact on family time. Here’s how to navigate this sometimes tricky dynamic. There’s nothing worse than heading to a family engagement when you have a son-in-law (or your daughter’s parents-in-law) that you just don’t get along with. Whether there's been a fight that you haven’t been able to move on from, or you simply don’t get along, if you find your in-laws draining or annoying, you may need to change the boundaries. Do you know the old saying, “good fences make good neighbours”? Think of your in-laws like your neighbours – there needs to be really good fences (aka boundaries) in place for the relationship to run smoothly. The best way to go about this is in such a way that you don’t make anyone feel as though you're closing them out, but rather comes off that you are simply focussing on yourself and things you have going on. Once you’ve set boundaries, don’t be afraid to talk to your family and in-laws about them, they’re not as fragile as you think. But do choose your words carefully and keep the focus on you and what your needs are, rather than making any judgements or comments about them or their behaviour. Still not sure how to deal with your son, daughter, sister or brother in-law? Here are some top tips for setting boundaries and dealing with awkward situations: <ol> <li>The person with the primary relationship (for example your daughter, not your son-in-law) should be the one to step in and help fix a problem if it arises. You should never be the messenger or go straight to an in-law. Gently raise the issue or concern with your immediate family member. </li> <li>Decide with your partner, or in your own time if you are single or widowed, what type of role you want your in-law/s to play in your life. If you don’t get along and spending time with them just seems to cause issues, then you might want to limit catch-ups to birthdays and big events. This is ok. Just be gentle if asked to explain. And keep your explanation brief and about you. Something along the lines of, my schedule is quite busy at the moment or I don’t feel up to going out too much, but I am looking forward to the next family get together. </li> <li>Never criticise your family for their relationship with his or her spouse/your in-laws, nor comment on your in-law to your immediate family member – for example don’t criticise your son-in-law to your daughter/his wife. This tends to only lead to complications and awkwardness. And remember, you only know what your daughter tells you and if they come to you everytime they’re upset or angry with their partner or their partner’s extended family, you’re only hearing the problems when your daughter is frustrated and upset. You might not hear all the good things and about when they make up. Don’t take these things on board and stay out of it by reserving any judgement or comments. </li> <li>Don’t get involved. Easier said than done, right? You have to trust that you have brought your children up right and they are responsible enough to navigate their own relationships, treat others respectfully and can stand up for themselves if need be. As such, you should not get involved in their issues, arguments and general day-to-day dealings with their other relationships. Stay on the peripheral, be there for some light guidance if need be, but ultimately you should just help them come to their own opinions, decisions and judgements on things rather than sharing your ones with them. </li> <li>Don’t get pulled into arguments by your child and in-law. You can be supportive and still let the couple handle their own problems. Take a step back and trust that you have raised an adult who has the vision and the courage to resolve the problems that concern his/her own family. Couples need to set boundaries for their own relationships and this can, as I am sure you know, take some time to find the right ones. </li> <li>Think of yourself as a guest. When spending time with family in big groups, and especially when you’re at someone else’s home, it is best to think of yourself as a guest and act accordingly. For example you may not like the way you son’s wife is doing things in her home (child rearing, cooking, cleaning etc), but unfortunately it is not really any of your business. This is between your son and his wife. A good checkpoint is to ask yourself if you have a sense of entitlement and expectancy that is inappropriate. If there are issues that you just can’t stand but can’t let go, then you may need to consider not visiting them.</li> </ol> Image credits: Getty Images

Family & Pets

5 negotiation tactics to grab crazy property deals in a slowing market

Rising interest rates have started to put the handbrakes on Australia’s runaway property market, and that’s good news for homebuyers who are now in a far stronger position to negotiate on a property than they have been over the last few years. One of the most apparent advantages for buyers in the current market is the reduced levels of competition. Fewer buyers mean that prices aren’t being driven higher, and if you’re a good negotiator, it’s possible to swoop in and find yourself a bargain. If you’re new to negotiating for property or unsure where to start, here are five tactics that will help you achieve a strong result at the negotiating table. <ol> <li>Know the market</li> </ol> You can’t succeed in a negotiation if you don’t know the value of the asset that you’re trying to buy in the first place. That’s why any good negotiator will always start by doing their research. You need to know the market better than your competition and don’t get caught up in any hype or opinions from a sales agent. Start by finding what comparable properties are selling for in the market. Look for the last three months of sales around your property. The sales should be of similar property types, sizes, ages, and land components. Another good way to get an idea of the price is to speak with local agents in the area. When you have a fair market value, you then know your “walk away price,” and you won’t find yourself getting emotional and overbidding. <ol start="2"> <li>Understand the vendor’s motivations</li> </ol> In any negotiation, there is a saying that whoever needs the deal least will likely be the one that comes out on top. When looking at potential properties to buy, you can be the world’s best negotiator, but if the vendor doesn’t need to sell, they will likely either wait for their price or walk away. Whenever you start looking at a property, try to ascertain as much information about the vendor as possible. That will give you an understanding of how motivated they are to sell, which will then impact how much you initially want to offer. <ol start="3"> <li>Be the strong bidder, not the highest</li> </ol> In a property transaction, price is just one piece of the puzzle. When a vendor weighs up an offer on their property, they are interested in the price, but the terms can also play a big part. For example, if you’re a cash buyer who can settle quickly, that might be far more appealing to a vendor than a higher offer that needs three months to settle. Similarly, a larger deposit could give a vendor more certainty that the transaction will occur. As a buyer, getting your finances in place ahead of time and then tailoring your terms to suit the vendor might give you an edge in a negotiation even if you’re not the highest bidder. Ultimately, the vendor wants their problem solved, and your job is to find out what it is and then make a strong offer that addresses those immediate needs. If you are ever tempted to make an unconditional offer, be sure you’ve done extensive due diligence and can secure finance, as there could be significant costs if you have to back out of the deal. <ol start="4"> <li>Unique offers</li> </ol> A great way to make your offer seem stronger than it might actually be is to come in with an odd-numbered amount. An offer price of $596,200 instead of $590,000 or $600,000 reflects that you’ve taken the time to do your due diligence, making your offer stand out. Another approach is to make a written offer with a deadline. That way, you can speed up the negotiation process, and it might prevent the sales agent from pitting your bid against another buyer to drive up the price. <ol start="5"> <li>Know the property</li> </ol> It’s critical to clearly understand what you’re buying before entering any negotiation. While you might have done your comparable sales analysis and have an excellent overall picture of what similar properties are selling for, you still need to investigate this particular property. Several things can impact the property’s value, which can help you negotiate. For example, if an awkward tenant occupies the property, it will be less appealing to many homebuyers, which you can use to your advantage. There may also be issues with the property, such as problematic zoning, service locations, or even large trees that can alter its value. The most obvious factor to consider is the state of the property and whether it needs renovation or repairs. In the current market, homebuyers are less interested in buying a property that needs work due to the cost of materials and difficulty finding tradespeople. That will give you a strong starting point to negotiate around the price. While getting a great deal is essential, it’s crucial not to compromise on the property’s quality. Quality is more important than a bargain, and a property’s performance will ultimately determine its value. A slowing real estate market presents an opportunity for buyers to negotiate and secure a great property deal. By understanding the local market, paying attention to the vendor’s motivations, and putting forward intelligent offers, you can potentially grab an excellent property deal in a slowing market. Rasti Vaibhav is the author of The Property Wealth Blueprint (RRP $39.95) and Founder of Get RARE Properties, a bespoke independent buyers' agency that has been helping hundreds of clients across Australia secure their financial freedom through property. For more information, visit <a href="https://getrare.com.au">https://getrare.com.au</a> Image credits: Getty Images

Real Estate

5 ways to deal with winter mould

As we move warm our homes in winter, ventilation problems can lead to condensation and the arrival of everyone’s least favourite houseguest – mould. Here are five tips to help you kick winter mould to the curb. 1. Install an exhaust fan This is particularly important in the bathrooms of older homes. As, be sure to leave it on a couple of minutes after your sure, to ensure you get rid of all the moisture. 2. Dry wet materials immediately Mould can appear in days if given the right conditions, so make sure you dry any wet towels or other damp materials as soon as you can to prevent its spread. 3. Disinfecting surfaces Surfaces like sinks and floors that are often quite wet, need to be cleaned regularly to ensure mould doesn’t spread, and must be dried after cleaning. 4. Improve light and ventilation Mould can’t grow in dry, brightly lit areas so try to keep windows and doors open as much as possible to minimise that chance of it occurring. 5. Double-glazing tricks Double-glazing your windows is an effective means to prevent condensation, but it’s also expensive. A simple, temporary alternative is covering window with bubble wrap. Images: Getty

Body

How to deal with holiday stress, Danish-style

The holidays often involve jubilant gift exchanges, renewed connections with family and friends, and treasured traditions. But the love and cheer can also <a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/File%20Library/Unassigned/APA_Holiday-Stress_PPT-REPORT_November-2021_update.pdf">be accompanied by a host of stressors</a> – chaotic travel, conflicts over COVID-19 preventive measures, difficult dinner conversations with relatives, and worries about affording and finding holiday gifts. This stress <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037//0278-6133.17.1.17">can worsen</a> your mental and physical health. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1161/01.cir.0000151424.02045.f7">Research even finds</a> that mortality is higher than normal during the holidays. How can you best find a balance during the holidays so that you are fulfilled instead of frazzled? Perhaps you can find balance by taking a few cultural cues from the Danes. Denmark, despite its winters that can be <a href="https://seasonsyear.com/Denmark">cold and gloomy</a>, is full of people <a href="https://worldhappiness.report/">who consistently rank among the happiest</a> in the world. As a <a href="https://blogs.dickinson.edu/helwegm/">native Dane and a psychologist</a>, I’ll often point to Danish words that can cultivate well-being. These words can be used at any time of the year, but I think a couple are particularly useful for navigating the stress of the holidays. Going above and beyond Understanding the Danish word “overskud” can help you find more balance during a period of joy and competing commitments. “<a href="https://www.thelocal.dk/20220516/danish-word-of-the-day-overskud/">Overskud</a>” is a noun that roughly means “excess.” In an economic context it means profit, but in everyday speech it’s used to refer to having the energy, willingness or resources to tackle a task or a problem. Having overskud is generally viewed as a good thing – you might go the extra mile at work, plan an elaborate holiday party, find extra thoughtful presents or volunteer at your child’s school. Danes sometimes combine the noun with other nouns so that you might say that you can make an “overskuds-breakfast” – a fancy breakfast of omelettes, bacon, coffee and french toast. Or you might be an overskuds-dad – the dad who decorates cookies with his kids and their friends. Although it might seem a bit like bragging to say one has overskud, Danes react to people describing having overskud with authentic applause and support. After all, who wouldn’t want to have extra energy and bandwidth to tackle life? Some <a href="https://hellebentzen.dk/artikel/kropsterapi/overskud-i-hverdagen/">Danish therapists</a> maintain that having more overskud can lead you to experience more contentment, calm and presence. Your energy isn’t boundless And yet the holidays can sometimes demand overskud in a number of different areas: Food should be healthy but also fit everyone’s preferences and expectations. Presents should be thoughtful and affordable. Elaborate decorations must come up and go down. How do you balance it all? Any psychologist will tell you that maintaining <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#how-to-define-your-boundaries">healthy boundaries</a> is associated with better mental health. Importantly, the word overskud is also used to clearly communicate when people cannot tackle an event, task or obligation. Instead of saying “I’m swamped,” a Dane might say they don’t have enough “overskud” to go to a party or meet for a glass of <a href="https://denmark.dk/people-and-culture/christmas-recipes/gloegg">gløgg</a>, a mulled Christmas wine. It’s basically a shorthand way to say, in a nonjudgmental way, that something sounds like fun, and you would love to do it, but you simply don’t have the energy. Danes also use a verb that’s related to overskud, which is a noun. They will say that they cannot “overskue” something – organizing a family holiday event, planning a trip or deep-cleaning the house. Often, activities that are meant to be fun and invigorating, like going to a holiday party on a weeknight or buying presents for a fundraiser, still require a fair amount of effort. If your store of energy is empty and you’d rather just stay home in your PJs, you might say “I just cannot overskue doing it.” Essentially, the Danes use the words overskud and overskue to say, “No,” and there’s an unspoken understanding that it’s nothing personal. Saying “no” to some things will give you the time and energy to say “yes” to others, so you can tackle the holidays with vigor and cheer – and be that overskud party planner, cookie decorator or gift giver, should you wish to do so. The importance of ‘pyt’ People might want their vision for the holidays to go off without a hitch. But reality often smacks people in the face: rude strangers, long lines, decoration disasters, out-of-stock toys, piles of dirty dishes, screaming children and resentful relatives. You can practice letting go of holiday-related frustrations by simply saying the Danish word “<a href="https://theconversation.com/a-danish-word-the-world-needs-to-combat-stress-pyt-112216">pyt</a>,” <a href="http://schwa.dk/filer/udtaleordbog_danpass/d_002_2_g_non-v_1316.wav">which is pronounced</a> like “pid.” Pyt is similar to saying “oh, well” or “stuff happens” and is used to let go of minor frustrations, hassles or mistakes. Danes might say about their own behavior “pyt, I didn’t do a great job wrapping that present.” Or they might say “pyt” when they sense someone else’s disappointment: “pyt, those cookies do look a bit funny, but they’re still delicious.” Pyt is about accepting that things won’t go exactly as planned, and embracing that fact. <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=399&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/498798/original/file-20221204-55824-8jvbis.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=502&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="A Christmas tree bulb in an anvil." /><figcaption>Don’t let the pressure of a perfect Christmas make you crack. <a class="source" href="https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/christmas-under-pressure-royalty-free-image/157646865?phrase=christmas+stress">alacatr/E+ via Getty Images</a></figcaption></figure> Having very high personal standards is a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000036">predictor of</a> poor coping skills and a poor ability to deal with daily stressors. Moreover, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/02783193.2017.1393711">stress</a> can be mitigated by accepting imperfection as a healthy and normal part of life. Another way to get to pyt is to focus on what really counts. Is this long line at the mall really worth ruining your day? Or is it a minor annoyance that will soon be forgotten? Perhaps you can take a moment while waiting to think about some of the things you’re thankful for or remind yourself that you’re OK. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sbspro.2011.10.190">Research shows</a> that self-reflection and self-compassion together are particularly effective in reducing stress. Moreover, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219853846">self-compassion</a> can lead to acceptance of both your own and other people’s flaws. One of the benefits of holiday stress – compared to unexpected stress – is that you can anticipate it. You’ve been here before. If you don’t try to do it all and don’t expect everything to go according to plan, you may just end up having your best holiday yet.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/195522/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> Writen by Marie Helweg-Larsen. Republished with permission from <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-deal-with-holiday-stress-danish-style-195522" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Getty Images

Mind

How to deal with losing touch with grandkids

Losing contact with your grandchild, or perhaps more accurately getting cut off from them, is perhaps the worst thing that can happen to grandparents but unfortunately, it happens and it’s on the rise. Each situation leading up to an estrangement is different but it commonly occurs after the marital breakdown of parents. The family conflict ripples out and grandparents are unfairly, but often collateral damage. The emotional toll it takes can be immense and heart-breaking but what can be done? Repair relationships Family conflict occurs and is exacerbated by poor communication. The best way to begin amends is to build bridges. Even if you’ve been unfairly hurt, remember this person is still your grandchild’s parent. It can be difficult but you need to respect that. Apologise – Be sincere. No caveats or justifications. You might not have done anything wrong or you might not even know what you did wrong to cause this rift but this is not a time for egos or personal pride. Remember this is the father or mother of your grandchild and they are the parents. They may have made mistakes but they are still the parents. Make peace for the sake of making peace and to mend the relationship, because if you want to see grandchildren, you will need a relationship with both parents. Make it about the child – Parents going through a separation or divorce are often wrapped in their own conflicts. Yet parents will hopefully do what is best for their child. It might be self-evident that grandparents are good for children but this might not be obvious to parents who have been through emotional turmoil, bitterness and separation. Approach in a sensitive, non-accusatory and non-judgemental way and explain the importance and usefulness of grandparents to children. Remind them the positive role you have taken in the past and that grandparents are not only a source of comfort to children in difficult times but can be the rock of stability in these trying times. You can offer practical help like picking up from school as well as reminding that keeping in touch will help children’s sense of family identity and history. Talk it out – Sometimes your children (and in-laws) simply have no idea that their parents are feeling so devastated and grief-stricken. They might not have considered the effects of their behaviour on others or presumed you would take your child’s side. Reassure them that you don’t want to take sides, just that you want what is best for your grandchild. Seek legal help This should be the last option because starting legal action will almost always end any hope of repairing the relationship between parents and grandparents. Even so, there is no guarantee that going through the courts will provide a happy outcome. Within our current legal system, grandparents do not have an automatic right to have a relationship with a grandchild. According to Legal Aid NSW, anyone who has an ongoing relationship with the child, or any other person who can show that they are concerned with the care, welfare or development of a child (including grandparents) may apply to the Court for Parenting Orders. A Parenting Order can be an order that you can spend time with or communicate with the child. It will be up to the Court to decide what will happen, based on what is in the child’s best interests. Image: Getty

Family & Pets

UK comedian shreds thousands in protest of David Beckham’s Qatar deal

English comedian Joe Lycett has called out footballer David Beckham for his multi-million-dollar deal with Qatar by shredding £10,000 - but Lycett’s protest has come with a twist. After Beckham came under fire for accepting the cash from Qatar - where homosexuality is illegal and you can be jailed or put to death as punishment - to promote the World Cup, Lycett took to social media to call on the former English captain to put his money where his mouth is. Lycett shared a video where he said he would donate £10,000 ($AU 17,700 or $NZ 19,386) if Beckham withdrew from his deal with Qatar before the World Cup started on November 19. If Beckham didn’t, Lycett said he would shred it. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClGfxiQIvDb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClGfxiQIvDb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joe Lycett (@joelycett)</a> </div> </blockquote> "This is a message to David Beckham... I consider you to be a gay icon," Lycett said. "You were the first premiership footballer to do shoots with gay magazines like Attitude, to speak openly about your gay fans, and you married a Spice Girl, which is the gayest thing a human being can do. "Qatar was voted as one of the worst places in the world to be gay. You've always talked about the power of football to be a force for good... so with that in mind, I'm giving you a choice. "If you end your relationship with Qatar, I'll donate this 10 grand of my own money to charities that support queer people in football. However, if you do not... I will throw this money into a shredder. "Not just the money, but also your status as a gay icon will be shredded." After his video went viral, Lycett shared a message he sent to Beckham’s PR team on social media. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClBdqBgoPAM/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ClBdqBgoPAM/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joe Lycett (@joelycett)</a> </div> </blockquote> “I’ve managed to get myself into a bit of a pickle - I’ve been a bit daft and publicly announced that I’m going to shred £10K on Sunday if David doesn’t end his relationship with Qatar, or donate the cash to LGBTQ+ charities if he does, yet we’re now four days out and I haven’t heard a peep from him,” he wrote. “Could you do me a solid and let me know if there’s a chance he might budge on his position, or am I to expect radio silence on this? I really don’t want to shred ten grand!!! I also really don’t want a national treasure that has historically supported the LGBTQ+ community to publicly endorse and advertise a nation state that has an appalling human rights record and has the death penalty for gays - call me old fashioned!!!!!!” With Beckham not responding or backing out of the deal with Qatar, Lycett shared a clip on Sunday of himself putting wads into a woodchipper, dressed in a rainbow coat. But that isn’t the end of the story. The comedian shared another video on Monday, where he revealed that the stunt wasn’t what it appeared to be. “This is my final message to David Beckham,” he began the clip. “It’s me! That prick who shredded loads of money in a cost-of-living crisis. “I told you I was going to destroy £10,000 if you didn’t end your relationship with Qatar before the first day of the World Cup. And then when you didn’t end your relationship or even respond in any way, I streamed myself dropping 10K into a shredder. “Or did I? “I haven’t quite told you the whole truth. “Because the truth is, the money that went into the shredder was real, but the money that came out was fake.” Lycett added that he wouldn’t be “so irresponsible” to destroy “real money”. “In fact, the ten grand had already been donated to LGBTQ+ charities before I even pressed send on the initial tweet last week,” he continued. “I never expected to hear from you. It was an empty threat designed to get people talking. “In many ways, it was like your deal with Qatar, David. Total bulls**t from the start.” <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/tv/ClOMLKuIY0r/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/tv/ClOMLKuIY0r/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Joe Lycett (@joelycett)</a> </div> </blockquote> Lycett ended the clip by shredding another item: the 2002 cover of Attitude magazine that featured Beckham, which was the first gay magazine to feature a Premier League footballer on it. “I asked Attitude if I could shred it and they were more than happy to oblige,” Lycett said, before running the cover through a paper shredder. His final video, captioned with a single rainbow flag, received a flood of praise from fellow celebrities and fans. “Oh you. It’s like you thought it all through or somethin …” Dawn French commented. “You are flipping amazing ❤️❤️❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈,” singer Sophie Ellis Bexter added. Images: Instagram

Money & Banking

6 signs you’re dealing with a micromanipulator

<h2>What is micromanipulation?</h2> While manipulation in a relationship can be obvious and, unfortunately, sometimes abusive, micromanipulation is a different story. It’s subtle and not-so-easy to spot, and can come in the form of passive-aggressive comments or questions that make you rethink your thoughts or values. According to clinical social worker, Hillary Schoninger, micromanipulation is most common with narcissists, who are always looking to draw attention back to themselves and control the narrative around them. But how are you meant to track micromanipulation in a relationship if it’s meant to be subtle? We asked Schoninger to share a few signs to look out for, and what steps to take if you’re being micromanipulated. <h2>They contact you out-of-the-blue</h2> In an example published in Psychology Today, micromanipulators might try to get your attention by contacting you at random times. For example, you can often tell if a person has texted you in order to get back on your radar – and to get you texting them again. This could be a sign of micromanipulation. <h2>They are looking for sympathy or empathy</h2> In some cases, those out-of-the-blue moments of contact can also be moments when they’re looking for sympathy or empathy from you, in order to keep your attention for a while longer. “It’s always about shifting the narrative back to them – what makes them feel empowered and maybe what makes them feel possibly victimised,” says Schoninger. “Whatever they need, they are going to do their best to manipulate so you react.” <h2>Their compliment isn’t actually nice</h2> Have you ever heard someone say the phrase, “Bless your heart” but not actually mean it? If you’ve ever heard someone say a compliment but their tone doesn’t actually match the compliment, it can easily be used in micromanipulation. “That to me is like a microaggression, but it’s also manipulative because you’re trying to say something but you’re not being authentic,” says Schoninger. “It should be an authentic saying and said in beautiful kindness, but you’re making it gross, and that’s manipulation.” <h2>You have to work around their schedule and needs</h2> If you find a person isn’t being accommodating about their timing or needs in the relationship, they are forcing a particular situation to tailor to their life without regarding those around them – which is something Schoninger sees often with her clients. She offers a particular example of how one client was struggling with her mother-in-law, who refused to see her new grandchild outside of the allotted times that worked for the grandmother. But instead of changing her schedule to fit the baby’s needs, the mother-in-law accused the client of not allowing her time with the baby. “So it’s like changing the narrative so that ego says ‘I need to be in charge, I need to be a leader’ and not considering the other people’s feelings,” she explains. <h2>They’re making you feel guilty</h2> Another way in which a micromanipulator plays the “victim” is by making you feel guilty for something, even if that means gaslighting you (meaning a person is manipulating you psychologically so that you see a situation differently). Even if you know they aren’t the victim of a situation, and you are not to blame, a micromanipulator can change the narrative enough to make you think you are actually to blame – even if they are using covert microaggressions. <h2>They’re reshaping the narrative</h2> “If you look at it as a whole, [manipulation] is always changing the narrative or the plot so you get what you want,” says Schoninger. “So if a narcissist is manipulative, they are operating from a place of ‘OK, how can I change whatever the variables might be so I can get what I want?’ Regardless if it hurts people.” Even if it’s subtle, micromanipulators can try to change the narrative in front of you in order to get what they want – whether it’s in tiny, subtle comments or questions that make you rethink a certain situation or event. <h2>How to handle a micromanipulator</h2> If any of these signs stand out to you, Schoninger says the best way to handle it is by taking some space for yourself. “I say that the first step is always space to think about creating boundaries,” she says. When you’re starting to feel this way, really start to go inward and to talk it through to yourself and ask yourself what’s this dynamic creating for yourself. You can just choose to take a break and see what it’s like not being in that space where you might feel disempowered.” This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/6-signs-youre-dealing-with-a-micromanipulator" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

Readers Respond: What have you always considered a deal breaker on the first date?

Dating in itself is a bit of a scary concept, whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or not. The thing is, we never know how the date will turn out, especially when it’s a person you met online. But what about when they do or say something and you immediately know that you need to get out of there? Known as the “ick”, the deal breaker is not taken lightly and many people stick to their rules. Check out what some of you have said about the deal breakers on dates. Kaylene Roberts - Having 2 phones and constantly texting during the date. Geoff Reason - My female date getting drunk. Fern Beth - Men who ask you out for coffee and refuse to let you pay but then say, next time, it's on you. I wouldn't say it, but I'm thinking, here, take the $4, there's not going to be a next time. Heather Bourne - He asked, "Well am I getting any, or am I wasting my time?” during a meal...I paid my share and walked out. Lisa Anne - Chewing food like a cow chews cud. Jennie Heggie - Him buying one meal and asking for a second empty plate to share. Sue Robson - Spending the whole time talking about their ex. Jamille Kim - Hygiene and bad manners. Carol Wright - Dinner and movies. You end up at KFC then come home to watch a movie on TV. Are you for real??? Trevor Goodchild - Lies and excess consumption of alcohol. Share your deal breakers <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0y2sQPoF2K9Td2nbYHTMTgQ7SfE9PLny8bhBF3v2FEztBEcXeYua15UMCwioEb7PCl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

Readers Respond: How do you deal with losing someone you love?

The one thing that all humans are unfortunately guaranteed to experience is the loss of someone you love. In a way, you could say life is fair because it’s unfair to everyone. We asked our readers to share the way they deal with losing someone they love and the responses were nothing short of emotional. From keeping yourself busy or just taking each day as it comes - here are some of your answers. Julia Santos - Work. Work as much as I could. Being at home with my own thoughts and tears is too much at times. You cry. You pray. You keep going. After a while, the pain eases up a little bit. Carolyn Korlaki - One foot in front of the other, you never get over it, you get used to it!! And yes, you do change, you have to because now it's all on you!!! Cindy Kaye - It's never easy, however I believe the loved one would expect me to move on with my life. My daughter passed away 11 years ago, aged 38 and not a day goes by when I don't think of her. The special memories she left me with inspire me to keep going. Michelle Kotynski - One day at a time. Sharyn Watt - Losing your husband destroys the life you were living but you have to try to keep going and it is such a struggle. Remember the good times and just be grateful for the time you had together. Eleanor Taylor - Nobody dwells on it and I don’t feel sorry for myself. He was my love, my one and all. A person misses their intimate moments together for the last 60 years, I don’t want to move on. You move on if you want to but I miss my husband a lot. Joan Garufi - Remember the good times and allow yourself to grieve as long as you need too. There's no timeline to grieving someone you love...But just know that time makes it a little easier. Geoff Hunt - With great difficulty. You just keep going for the sake of the rest of the family. Kaye Boskovic - It's very hard especially when you have been together 53 years.You just have to hold your head up and keep on moving. At times it's very hard. Rosemary Moreland - By talking about them and remembering them and having their picture in a prominent place. If you would like to share some of your tips on how to deal with the loss of someone you love, click <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0eddcD6xi5sWUsiU6TwcAUbYxeA17raqocbQUWeGBkcDJkJJEish1hqP4eGqF1Xwjl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

How to deal with mould outbreaks this winter

The recent downpour of rain mixed with humid temperatures has led to nation-wide mould outbreaks in many homes. Toxic mould can take a toll on your health, and hijack hidden corners of your home without you even realising. In order to reproduce, mould produces tiny particles called spores that are carried in the air and may cause health problems if inhaled by people who are sensitive or allergic to them, <a href="https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/environment/factsheets/Pages/mould.aspx">NSW Health advises</a>. Experts have shared how to spot mould in your home, as well as how to clean it and prevent it from coming back. What exactly is mould? <a href="https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/environment/factsheets/Pages/mould.aspx">Mould</a> is a type of fungi, an organism from the same group that includes yeast and mushrooms, which is present virtually everywhere both indoors and outdoors. When airborne mould spores land on damp spots indoors, they may begin to grow and spread. Mould thrives in moist areas that are not adequately ventilated, with rooms such as laundries, bathrooms most at risk, as well as walls and ceilings that don’t receive direct sunlight. Wet weather, increased humidity, and flood damage have seen households across the country battling recent mould outbreaks in their homes. How do I stop mould from growing in my house? Experts say that prevention is much more effective than mould removal, with the key being to keep your home dry and dust-free. Fix any structural damage Leaks in roofs, full gutters and leaky appliances are all things that will bring mould into your home. Fixing these issues as soon as they arise is vital, as you want to aim to keep the main structure of your home free of any spontaneous leaks. “If you do notice any leaks, get on top of that immediately because dried mould can still become easily airborne,” consultation microbiologist Dr Cameron Jones told <a href="https://7news.com.au/lifestyle/health-wellbeing/mould-is-coming-back-with-a-vengeance-heres-how-to-tackle-the-outbreak-c-6840176">7News</a>. “That’s how people can become quite ill from mould which has dried inside roof voids and dried on insulation - and then it enters into the home around the perimeters and downlights.” Ventilation is key Keeping your home well ventilated is your best bet when preventing the growth of mould. Jones says that for good ventilation in the home, you can try, “opening windows, and making sure that ceiling fans in wet areas like laundries and bathrooms are on and working.” “As soon as the weather is good, you should start opening your windows and get some ventilation through,” Institute for Infectious Diseases Professor Dee Carter told 7News. “Drying things out is really key or it’ll just come back.” Some air conditioners have a handy dry mode, while portable dehumidifiers also work to draw in extra moisture from the air. Cut condensation Use extractor fans in the kitchen while cooking, and in the bathroom and laundry while washing. Reducing the condensation in your home can also be as simple as popping a lid on your saucepan when boiling water, and opening windows when you’re creating steam within the house. If you see condensation building on walls and inner windows, wipe it up before it has the chance to encourage growth of mould. Getting rid of mould For a routine clean-up of mould, NSW Health suggests using mild detergent or vinegar. Bleach can be used on non-porous surfaces such as tiles and in bathrooms but is not recommended for materials like wood or drywall. Mould has roots that it sends deep into porous materials, so antibacterial agents work best to attack the roots as well as the surface of the fungi. If you see a spot of mould in one particular place, it’s always best to do a clean sweep of the entire room to see if it is hiding anywhere else. Move all your furniture away from the wall and check hidden crevices. There’s nothing worse than thinking your cleaning job is done and then finding a huge mouldy patch behind your lounge or bed frame. In order to stop your furniture being attacked by pesky mould, try to keep your furniture an inch or two out from the wall. This will stop the mould transferring from walls to surfaces such as fabric that are harder to clean. Can mould be killed permanently? Even if you successfully get rid of mould in one area, you’ll need to maintain the conditions of your home continuously to discourage regrowth. “Mould can grow wherever there is moisture source, the correct temperature, and something to grow on,” Jones said. “Cellular debris and the food and liquid waste” are also used as a food source by “the pathogens, which are normally around us all the time”, Jones said. If mould grows in a spot once, it can grow there again. Is mould harmful to humans? A 2018 inquiry by the University of Melbourne recommended that the Department of Health undertake further research into the potential health effects of mould exposure and its prevalence in the built environment. <a href="https://www.mouldlab.com.au/">MouldLab</a> defined biotoxins at the time as including “toxic chemicals found on spores, fine or ultrafine fragments of mould or fungus … that are able to be released into the air”. They stated that some people are “genetically susceptible” and may develop inflammation and chronic illness after coming into contact with these biotoxins. Reported <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/black-mold-exposure#symptoms">symptoms of mould exposure</a> include coughing, wheezing, stuffiness, red or itchy eyes, skin rashes, and a sore throat. These symptoms can be more severe if you have an allergy to mould. Image credits: Getty Images

Home & Garden

Popular pilot explains why turbulence is no big deal

A young, mustachioed pilot has taken the time to explain why you should NOT be overly worried about turbulence while flying to your much-needed holiday (or boring business trip, during which turbulence can almost be viewed as a highlight, let’s be honest). John, a commercial pilot, joined his roommate in a video recently that went viral, during which she spoke about the awful turbulence she had experienced on a recent flight. She then decided to share with her viewers how turbulence is in fact not such a big deal – with the help of John. "Turbulence is not dangerous," John begins his explanation. "There's never been a report of a plane going down because of turbulence. "There can be sometimes people getting injured inside the plane if they are not properly seatbelted. “But other than that planes go through such difficult tests to be certified to fly. They bend the wings up to at least 90 degrees to make sure it won’t snap.” John proceeded to share a video of wing testing on an airbus where the wings were, in fact, bent up to 90 degrees. Viewers thanked John for sharing the vital piece of information with one confirming his comments. "Just to add to that, I'm an aircraft engineer and can confirm this is true! When building an aircraft we have to be sure it can handle stresses,” they wrote. "Turbulence counts in this! So we always make sure the aircraft will be safe to fly, otherwise, we won't let it fly.” Images: TikTok

Travel Trouble

Aus-NZ refugee deal is a bandage on a failed policy

Australia has finally accepted New Zealand’s offer to settle some of the refugees from the <a href="https://www.kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/sites/kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/files/factsheet_offshore_processing_overview.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">offshore processing</a> regime – about nine years after it was first made in 2013. The NZ deal will provide certainty for <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2022/mar/24/australia-agrees-450-refugees-can-be-resettled-in-new-zealand-nine-years-after-deal-first-offered" target="_blank" rel="noopener">450 people</a> who have been in limbo, many for more than a decade. But in the March 24 <a href="https://minister.homeaffairs.gov.au/KarenAndrews/Pages/australia-new-zealand-resettlement-arrangement.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener">announcement</a>, Home Affairs Minister Karen Andrews made clear the deal does not change Australia’s <a href="https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/australia-and-new-zealand-reach-refugee-resettlement-agreement/20vyv2d8w" target="_blank" rel="noopener">hard-line approach</a>. This makes the deal a bandage on a <a href="https://www.kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/sites/kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/files/Policy_Brief_11_Offshore_Processing.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">failed policy</a> that continues to haemorrhage cash, destroy lives and erode the international system for refugee protection. Who is – and isn’t – included in the NZ deal? The original offer, made by the then NZ Prime Minister John Key in 2013, was refused by the Australian government until now. The Coalition government claimed the deal could be a “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/nov/01/decision-to-bring-children-from-nauru-an-admission-of-failure-by-government" target="_blank" rel="noopener">pull factor</a>” for asylum seekers coming by boat to Australia. Under the agreement, NZ will settle up to 150 of Australia’s “offshore processing” refugees per year for three years. These refugees arrived in Australia by sea between 2012 and 2014 and were sent to Nauru or Manus Island “offshore processing” detention centres. The deal can include the <a href="https://www.homeaffairs.gov.au/about-us-subsite/files/population-and-number-of-people-resettled.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">112 people</a> who are in Nauru or those temporarily in Australia under offshore processing arrangements. Some <a href="https://www.unhcr.org/en-au/news/press/2022/3/623a66584/unhcr-news-comment-on-the-australia-new-zealand-refugee-deal.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">1,100</a> people have been returned temporarily to Australia, mostly for medical treatment. They mostly live in the community with <a href="https://www.amnesty.org.au/potential-return-of-refugees-and-people-seeking-asylum-to-nauru-and-png-proof-of-policy-failure/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">no support and insecure visa status</a> but some remain in detention. Those already being considered for settlement to another country, such as the United States or Canada, aren’t eligible for the NZ program. More than 100 men who remain in Papua New Guinea aren’t included in this deal. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> The always wise, always insightful <a href="https://twitter.com/BehrouzBoochani?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@BehrouzBoochani</a> on Australia, the NZ refugee resettlement offer, and why it took nine years...<a href="https://t.co/IdxPBGpAz0">https://t.co/IdxPBGpAz0</a> — Ben Doherty (@BenDohertyCorro) <a href="https://twitter.com/BenDohertyCorro/status/1508944829509926915?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 29, 2022</a></blockquote> Under current known arrangements, people remaining in PNG could be <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/25/australia-new-zealand-refugee-deal-everything-we-know" target="_blank" rel="noopener">referred</a> by the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees to NZ through its regular refugee programme. Even after the NZ and US options are exhausted, it’s estimated at least <a href="https://www.refugeecouncil.org.au/australians-welcome-nzs-generosity-to-refugees-in-offshore-processing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">500 refugees will be without a solution</a>. And they’re not the only ones. There are some <a href="https://www.kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/sites/kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/files/Factsheet_Legacy%20Caseload_final.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">30,000 people</a> in what’s called the “legacy caseload” who arrived by sea between 2012 and 2014 and weren’t transferred to Nauru and PNG. They remain in Australia subject to harmful measures. They’re stuck in limbo on temporary visas, unable to reunify with family members, and receive <a href="https://humanrights.gov.au/about/news/urgent-call-government-protect-asylum-seekers-and-refugees" target="_blank" rel="noopener">inadequate support</a> to secure housing or health care. Australia distorts the global refugee system <a href="https://www.refworld.org/docid/51af82794.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Australia has primary responsibility</a> for refugees who seek its protection. The Australian government has repeatedly tried and failed to find countries willing to settle refugees it refuses to protect. It reportedly offered multiple countries, from the Philippines to Kyrgyzstan, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/may/08/australias-refugee-deal-a-farce-after-us-rejects-all-iranian-and-somali-asylum-seekers" target="_blank" rel="noopener">millions of dollars</a> to settle refugees from Australia’s offshore camps – without success. Resettlement to a third country is an important solution, available to less than 1% of refugees globally whose lives, liberty, safety, health or other fundamental rights are at risk <a href="https://www.unhcr.org/46f7c0ee2.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">in the country where they have sought refuge</a>. This isn’t the case for refugees seeking asylum in Australia, where there’s a well-established asylum system. It’s difficult to think of the NZ solution as “resettlement” in its true meaning. Resettlement places are important to <a href="https://www.unhcr.org/en-au/news/press/2021/6/60d32ba44/un-refugee-agency-releases-2022-resettlement-needs.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">relieve pressure on developing countries</a> that host almost 90% of the world’s refugees. Conflicts in Syria, Yemen, Myanmar, South Sudan, Afghanistan, plus now Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, have created a need for resettlement in a third country for almost <a href="https://www.unhcr.org/en-au/news/press/2021/6/60d32ba44/un-refugee-agency-releases-2022-resettlement-needs.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">1.5 million</a> refugees worldwide. Resettlement has been disrupted over the last two years due to COVID, leaving even more people in urgent need. Under these extraordinary “refugee deals” with the US and NZ, the Australian government is trying to solve a political problem of its own making at the expense of people in desperate need. Like Australia, the US and NZ offer only a limited number of resettlement spots each year. When these spots go to Australia’s refugees, who are Australia’s responsibility, someone else misses out. Continuing damage This is Australia’s second go at offshore processing. Its first iteration, the “Pacific Solution”, lasted from 2001 until 2008. The second commenced in 2012 and continues. Offshore processing remains costly. Australian taxpayers have spent, on average, around <a href="https://www.kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/sites/kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/files/Policy_Brief_11_Offshore_Processing.pdf#page=14&zoom=auto,-135,786" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A$1 billion per year</a> to maintain offshore processing since 2014. This is despite a dramatic drop in the number of people held in Nauru and PNG. At the peak in April 2014, Australia detained a total of 2,450 people. By December 2021, there were <a href="https://www.refugeecouncil.org.au/operation-sovereign-borders-offshore-detention-statistics/2/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">219 people remaining offshore in Nauru and PNG</a>. People transferred to Manus Island and Nauru suffered mandatory and indefinite detention in harsh conditions. Their treatment has been called out by the United Nations repeatedly as <a href="https://www.unhcr.org/en-au/united-nations-observations.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener">cruel and inhuman</a> and described by Amnesty International as <a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/checkpoint/audio/2018835563/amnesty-international-celebrates-deal-for-nz-to-take-refugees" target="_blank" rel="noopener">torture</a>. The abuse of men, women and children in offshore processing centres has been thoroughly documented in a <a href="https://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/b743d9_e4413cb72e1646d8bd3e8a8c9a466950.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">communiqué</a> to the International Criminal Court, <a href="https://bills.parliament.uk/publications/43063/documents/791#page=27&zoom=auto,-134,1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">parliamentary inquiries</a> and domestic legal challenges. Australia’s offshore processing sets a bad regional precedent for <a href="https://humanrights.gov.au/sites/default/files/20160913_Pathways_to_Protection.pdf#page=20&zoom=page-fit,-625,841" target="_blank" rel="noopener">refugee protection in Southeast Asia</a> and beyond. The policy objective of using cruelty as a deterrent to “stop the boats” and “save lives at sea” didn’t work. If boats didn’t arrive, this was due to Australia’s <a href="https://www.kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/sites/kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/files/Policy_Brief_11_Offshore_Processing.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">interception and turnback of boats at sea</a>. What needs to change? Refugee policy can be <a href="https://www.kaldorcentre.unsw.edu.au/publication/principles-australian-refugee-policy" target="_blank" rel="noopener">principled</a> and driven by compassion while protecting borders and respecting international law. Australia should formally end offshore processing. The small number of people still held offshore in Nauru and PNG should be transferred back to Australia. Everyone who has been subject to the policy since 2012 who doesn’t have a permanent solution could be offered settlement in Australia. This <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/about_parliament/parliamentary_departments/parliamentary_library/pubs/bn/2012-2013/pacificsolution" target="_blank" rel="noopener">occurred</a> in the first iteration of offshore processing and could happen again. Money and lives can be saved.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/180241/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/natasha-yacoub-1259499" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Natasha Yacoub</a>, International refugee lawyer and scholar, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414" target="_blank" rel="noopener">UNSW Sydney</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/aus-nz-refugee-deal-is-a-bandage-on-a-failed-policy-its-time-to-end-offshore-processing-180241" target="_blank" rel="noopener">original article</a>. Image: Getty Images

Legal

How flight attendants deal with super annoying passengers

A flight attendant has revealed the sneaky way he annoys difficult passengers on his flight that he doesn’t like. Former cabin crew member James revealed that the main thing he would do to avoid talking to irritating passengers is hold a sick bag. He told KIIS FM’s <a href="https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/radio/furious-kyle-storms-out-after-onair-fight-with-jackie-o/news-story/511e0ac37bf9aaaf180e39409883d778">Kyle & Jackie O</a>, “Every time I used to go from one end of the plane to the other to eat my lunch, someone would always ask me something.” “So I used to put a can of coke in a sick bag, put a rubber glove on, and walk through the cabin so it looked like I am holding vomit – no one would ask me for anything.” He would also flat out lie to passengers he didn’t like, saying he would be back to help them with a request… and then never return. He said, “If a flight attendant ever says to you, ‘I’ll be right back,’ we don’t like you.” Another former flight attendant, who runs the Passenger Shaming Instagram account, said that she would often put more ice in drinks for people who annoyed her. In an interview with Yahoo, she said that she would “take a cup and scoop in a lot of ice, and when I pour the soda or juice in, there’s, like, two tablespoons.” This watered down cocktail is what she calls “The ‘A***hole Special”, and it’s one that she thinks other flight attendants make as well as a sneaky way to combat difficult passengers. Image credits: Getty Images

Travel Tips

Big travel deals predicted to come soon following Jetstar's $22 flights

Travel is slowly returning to normal and our major airlines are slashing fares, with Jetstar offering flights from major cities to our favourite holiday destinations for just $22. "They really want to entice people back into the air and they want to give you an offer that's almost too good to be true," Australian Traveller co-founder, Quentin Long, told A Current Affair. The destinations are far and wide and if a tropical climate is what you're looking for, Queensland's Cairns and the Whitsundays could be an option for you. Jetstar is getting in early, ahead of the launch of budget airline Bonza, which is set to enter the market mid-year. It's offering flights on more than 25 routes to 16 destinations and fares will average $50 one way on shorter flights. Qantas is launching its Asia Fly Away sale tomorrow which includes return flights from Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and Adelaide to Singapore starting at $699. A flight to Delhi from Sydney, Melbourne or Adelaide will cost $119 and a flight to Manila from Brisbane or Adelaide will cost $829. Meanwhile, Virgin Australia has $69 flights until May 10, with its Book Early Fares Sale. They're also running a weekly Happy Hour sale every Thursday with fares as low as $49. Experts believe this is just the beginning of sales to be seen both domestically and internationally, with big deals predicted in March and April - with the hope of getting more passengers back in the air. "You'll see aviation plus tours, plus accommodation deals coming to the market about then," Mr Long said. "Having competitive and very good value airfares is really important to the tourist market, whether it's in Australia or overseas," Flight Centre chief executive Graham Turner said. "Everything that we can do to help that inbound and outbound travel is certainly good for the hundreds of thousands of people employed in the travel and tourism industry. "And good value airfares are a really important part of it. "The domestic travel, tourism, business travel, will pick up steadily over the next 12 months and I think we will be back to around that 100 per cent mark in around 12 months' time." Jetstar's sale closes at midnight on Thursday unless sold out prior. <span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Image: Getty

Travel Tips

Huge payday for Cleo Smith's parents

Just weeks after the alleged abduction of four-year-old Cleo Smith, the girl’s parents reportedly signed a $2 million deal with Channel Nine. Cleo Smith made international headlines in November after she was allegedly abducted from her family’s campsite in Western Australia, before being found alive and well 18 days later. Cleo's mother Ellie Smith and stepfather Jake Gliddon agreed to a tell-all interview with 60 Minutes, in what is believed to be Australia’s most expensive television deal. Reportedly organised by high profile talent agent Max Markson, the deal also includes a series of follow-up stories exclusive to Nine-owned publications. According to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.theaustralian.com.au/subscribe/news/1/?sourceCode=TAWEB_WRE170_a&dest=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theaustralian.com.au%2Fnation%2Foutrage-as-nine-network-pays-more-than-2-million-for-cleo-smith-interview%2Fnews-story%2Fcfdf1580eb12f20e1a4f12a391ef6499&memtype=anonymous&mode=premium&v21=dynamic-cold-test-score&V21spcbehaviour=append" target="_blank">The Australian</a>, there is also speculation of a six-part special for streaming service Stan, that young Cleo herself may feature in the interviews. Nine beat out the Seven Network’s Spotlight program for the lucrative deal, despite Seven West Media chairman Kerry Stokes' “personal interest” in the story. “Nine was scared at the end of the year after they lost their No 1 position – this seems a desperate attempt to regain the mantle … and it won't work,” an inside source told the publication. Despite the high profile nature of the case, some staff at the network are reportedly horrified by the deal. “What are the possible consequences of asking this young girl to talk about what happened to her, when we don't know what she went through?” one journalist asked. News of the deal comes after a source told <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10425069/Cleo-Smith-Parents-sign-Channel-Nine-deal-alleged-abduction-headlines-world.html" target="_blank">Daily Mail Australia</a> that Cleo’s parents were considering changing the four-year-old’s name in order to stop unwanted attention. The couple has reportedly been seeking advice from other parents whose children have been through similar ordeals that thrust them into the limelight. “They're worried about the repercussions of the media and so forth down the track,” a source told Daily Mail Australia. Cleo’s parents are reportedly concerned about the impact the media attention could have on her livelihood as she grows up. “They're worried about people making the connection later on down the line,” the source said. Image credits: Getty Images

Family & Pets

Humans v Machine: fake news headlines or real deal?

<div class="copy"> Can you tell whether the title of a scientific article was written by a human or an AI? Because half the time, not even doctors can spot the fake science headline, according to a<a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.bmj.com/content/375/bmj-2021-067732" target="_blank"> paper</a> published in BMJ. In a study worthy of the silly season, researchers used an AI to generate research paper titles and tested whether readers could tell if they were fake. They took the top titles from 10 years of BMJs Christmas edition – which are often quirkier than normal – to teach an AI to write its own titles. These were then rated by a random sample of doctors from multiple disciplines and countries. They found that AI-generated titles were rated at least as enjoyable (69%) compared to real titles (64%), although the real titles were rated as more plausible (73%) than AI titles (48%). They also found that the AI titles were deemed less scientific if generated at random, but this became less apparent when the titles were then curated by a human. The authors say that this shows how the best results come from an AI and a human working together, where the AI can compensate for human oversights but humans can make the final call. The two AI-generated titles deemed the most plausible were: “The clinical effectiveness of lollipops as a treatment for sore throats” and “The effects of free gourmet coffee on emergency department waiting times: an observational study.” The silliest title generated by the AI was: “Superglue your nipples together and see if it helps you to stop agonising about <a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/health/mediterranean-diet-helps-ed/" target="_blank">erectile dysfunction</a> at work.” The authors note that this demonstrates the AI doesn’t know how to be polite, which limits its real-world application without human help. Image credits: Getty Images </div> <div id="contributors"> This article was originally published on <a rel="noopener" href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/technology/ai/fake-science-headline/" target="_blank">cosmosmagazine.com</a> and was written by Deborah Devis. </div>

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Big travel deals predicted to come soon following Jetstar's $22 flights

Huge payday for Cleo Smith's parents

Humans v Machine: fake news headlines or real deal?