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Why sending a belated gift is not as bad as you probably think − and late is better than never

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-walker-reczek-232584">Rebecca Walker Reczek</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-ohio-state-university-759">The Ohio State University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cory-haltman-2240693">Cory Haltman</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-ohio-state-university-759">The Ohio State University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/grant-donnelly-1250966">Grant Donnelly</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-ohio-state-university-759">The Ohio State University</a></em></p> <p>If finding the right present and making sure the recipient gets it on time leaves you feeling anxious, you’re not alone. More than half of Americans say <a href="https://www.lendingtree.com/credit-cards/study/holiday-gift-stressors/">that gift-giving stresses them out</a>.</p> <p>Concerns about on-time delivery are so common that people share holiday <a href="https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/living/story/christmas-shipping-deadlines-2024-74159960">deadlines for each shipping service</a>. And in the event that you can’t meet these deadlines, there are now handy <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/home/package-delays-christmas-gifts-etiquette/2020/12/23/578a369e-43a5-11eb-b0e4-0f182923a025_story.html">etiquette guides</a> offering advice for how to inform the recipient.</p> <p>If you’ve sent late gifts thanks to <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2020/12/15/postal-service-holiday-packages-delays/">shipping delays</a>, <a href="https://nymag.com/strategist/article/top-gifts-to-buy-before-they-sell-out-2022.html">depleted stocks</a> or even good old-fashioned <a href="https://wwd.com/feature/last-minute-holiday-shopping-survey-reveal-curious-consumer-trends-1234684998/">procrastination</a>, our new research may offer some welcome news.</p> <p>In a series of studies that will soon be published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, we found that people overestimate the negative consequences of sending a late gift.</p> <h2>Trying to follow norms</h2> <p>Why do people tend to overestimate these consequences? Our findings indicate that when people give presents, they pay more attention <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/jcpy.1318">to norms about gifting</a> than the recipients do.</p> <p>For example, other researchers have found that people tend to be reluctant to give <a href="https://doi.org/10.1348/014466604X23428">used products as presents</a> because there’s a norm that gifts should be new. In reality, though, many people are often open to receiving used stuff.</p> <p>We found that this mismatch also applies to beliefs about the importance of timing. Many people worry that a late gift will signal that they don’t care about the recipient. They then fear their relationship will suffer.</p> <p>In reality, though, these fears are largely unfounded. Gift recipients are much less worried about when the gift arrives.</p> <p>Unfortunately, aside from causing unnecessary worry, being overly sensitive about giving a late present can also influence the gift you choose to buy.</p> <h2>Compensating for lateness</h2> <p>To test how lateness concerns affect gift choice, we conducted an online study before Mother’s Day in 2021. We had 201 adults participate in a raffle. They could choose to send their mother either a cheaper gift basket that would arrive in time for the occasion or a more expensive one that would arrive late.</p> <p>Concerns about lateness led nearly 70% of the participants to choose the less expensive and more prompt option.</p> <p>In another study, we conducted the same kind of raffle for Father’s Day and got similar results.</p> <p>Aside from finding that people will choose inferior items to ensure speedier delivery, we also found that givers may feel that they can compensate for lateness with effort.</p> <p>In another online study of 805 adults, we discovered that participants were less likely to expect a late delivery to damage a relationship if they signaled their care for the recipient in a different way. For example, they believed that putting an item together by hand, versus purchasing it preassembled, could compensate for a present being belated.</p> <h2>Better late than never?</h2> <p>If sending something late isn’t as bad as expected, you may wonder whether it’s OK to simply not send anything at all.</p> <p>We’d caution against going that route.</p> <p>In another online study of 903 participants, we found that recipients believed that not receiving anything at all was more likely to harm a relationship than receiving something as much as two months late.</p> <p>That is, late is better than never as far as those receiving gifts are concerned.</p> <p>You may want to keep that in mind, even if that new <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/dec/19/game-over-why-santa-may-struggle-to-bring-you-that-ps5-xbox-or-ipad">gaming console</a>, <a href="https://variety.com/2020/biz/news/baby-yoda-animatronic-toy-sold-out-hasbro-1203510368/">action figure</a> or <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2019/12/24/oculus-quest-headsets-sold-out-into-february/2742443001/">virtual reality headset</a> is sold out this holiday season. It could still be a welcome surprise if it arrives in January or February.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/244012/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-walker-reczek-232584"><em>Rebecca Walker Reczek</em></a><em>, Professor of Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-ohio-state-university-759">The Ohio State University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cory-haltman-2240693">Cory Haltman</a>, Ph.D. Candidate in Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-ohio-state-university-759">The Ohio State University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/grant-donnelly-1250966">Grant Donnelly</a>, Assistant Professor of Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-ohio-state-university-759">The Ohio State University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-sending-a-belated-gift-is-not-as-bad-as-you-probably-think-and-late-is-better-than-never-244012">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Naomi Watts' heartbreaking family update

<p>Naomi Watts has been struck with another personal tragedy. </p> <p>The actress' paternal grandmother passed away this week at the age of 101, just three months following the loss of her maternal grandmother in August. </p> <p>Watts took to Instagram to share the heartbreaking news, with a photo of her grandmother holding an envelope from King Charles and the caption: "Our Granny Watts made it to 101 and a half."</p> <p>"She got her letter from the King to celebrate her century, last night she rested easy," Watts continued.</p> <p>Watts also shared a few more photos of her paternal grandmother, including one taken during her 101 birthday to her Instagram stories with the caption:  "Farewell granny watts 101.5 years old!!" </p> <p>The actress' maternal grandmother 'Nanna' Nikki Roberts, died less than three months ago, aged 99 following a "massive stroke". </p> <p>"My darling Nanna has left this world but her spirit will never leave us. I'm truly blessed to have had the most wonderful relationship with her," Watts shared in an Instagram post on August 30 with a series of snaps with her Nanna. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C_RLjm9vUTK/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C_RLjm9vUTK/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Naomi Watts (@naomiwatts)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>"She is such a huge part of who I am: her core values, her work ethic, and her mischievous humour and joy of life. I cannot express how deeply grateful I am for all that she gave me and her wonderful daughters," she continued. </p> <p>"My mum and aunts are all in pieces today, but we know what a great life she had. She just kept cracking on because she loved her life and her family."</p> <p>Roberts had turned 99 two weeks before she passed away, a milestone Watts said she wanted to reach. </p> <p>"She lived 3 more weeks after a massive stroke because, in full beast mode, she showed us that when she was finally ready to 'peg it- she'd peg it'. She had one more goal to meet. Her 99th birthday!! One more party. One more family gathering," she added. </p> <p>"I'll never forget her wicked laugh, her feisty spirit, her no-nonsense attitude, her no waste policy!! She'd be trimming the mould off the bread and cheese: 'you don't need an expiration date – that's what a nose is for!' 😂</p> <p>"Here are a few pics of the wonderful family she created. Four generations in one pic!! Grannies are the greatest. May her stories and memories live on.🕊️💔♥️," Watts concluded.</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

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John Travolta's sweet birthday tribute to son

<p>John Travolta's youngest son, Benjamin Travolta, has turned 14! </p> <p>The <em>Grease </em>actor took to Instagram on Saturday November 23 to share his heartwarming tribute celebrating the teen.</p> <p>"Happy birthday my Ben. Your dad loves you!  And so does Peanut!" he wrote. </p> <p>He shared a photo of the 14-year-old receiving a kiss from their beloved family pup Peanut, who the actor famously adopted after Jamie Lee Curtis brought her onstage during a segment at the 94th Academy Awards in 2022. </p> <p>"The day we adopted Peanut on Oscar night! She’s brought the biggest joy to our family," he wrote in an <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C8hSSaDAGTG/?hl=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Instagram</a> post at the time. </p> <p>Benjamin is the actor's youngest child with his late wife, actress Kelly Preston. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCvKudtt8Ri/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCvKudtt8Ri/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by John Travolta (@johntravolta)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>John and Preston's daughter, Ella Bleu Travolta, 24, also celebrated her little brother on social media with her own post.</p> <p>"Happy Birthday Benjamin!!!!!! I love you," she shared with a red heart emoji and a picture of Benjamin posing in front of a sunset while aboard a boat. </p> <p>Fans and celebrity friends alike were quick to wish the teen a very happy birthday, with Rita Wilson writing: "Happy birthday Ben!" </p> <p>Donnie Walberg added: "HBD! Ben!". </p> <p>"Happy birthday, Ben and Peanut are so sweet!" one fan wrote. </p> <p>"Wonderful picture, so full of love,"  another commented. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCviMvqOKgz/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCviMvqOKgz/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Ella Bleu Travolta (@ella.bleu)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The actor has kept his kids largely out of the spotlight, but often shares stories and glimpses of them on social media. </p> <p>In one interview with Kevin Hart, he opened up about how he approached parenting following the death of his wife in 2020. </p> <p>The actor candidly shared how he approached the topic of death and grief after Ben expressed his fears of losing him. </p> <p>"Ben said to me once, 'Because mom passed away, I'm afraid you're going to,'" the actor recalled. </p> <p>"I said, 'Well, it's a very different thing.' And I went through the differences about my longevity and her limited life," the actor explained.</p> <p>"I said, 'But you know, Ben . . . you always love the truth and I'm going to tell you the truth about life. Nobody knows when they're gonna go or when they're going to stay.' "</p> <p>"Your brother [Jett] left at 16. Too young. Your mother left at 57. That was too young. But who's to say? I could die tomorrow. You could. Anybody can," John continued.</p> <p>"So let's look at it like it's part of life. You don't know exactly. You just do your best at trying to live the longest you can."</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p> <p> </p>

Family & Pets

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Prince Philip's final phone call to King Charles revealed

<p>Prince Philip was known for his quick wit and sense of humour, and now his family have shared their favourite moments with him in the BBC documentary <em>Prince Philip: The Family Remembers</em>. </p> <p>In the documentary, King Charles revealed the cheeky remarks the Duke made in their final phone call just hours before his passing on April 9, 2021 at the age of 99. </p> <p>Charles recalled discussing the Duke's upcoming 100th birthday celebrations and having to raise his voice so his father could hear him better, saying: “We’re talking about your birthday! And whether there’s going to be a reception!” </p> <p>The Duke quipped: “Well, I’ve got to be alive for it, haven’t I?”</p> <p>King Charles fondly shared what he said to his father's cheeky remark, “I told him ‘I knew you’d say that!'”.</p> <p>In another part of the documentary, the monarch recalled the benefits of having young parents. </p> <p>“He was marvellous at arranging silly games. I mean, the fun of having obviously young parents was… there were lots of chasing around and mad things," he said.</p> <p>Prince William also shared some of his fond memories with his late grandfather, recalling the pranks they used to pull together, and one of them being squirting mustard all over the ceiling - much to the Queen’s annoyance.</p> <p> “He used to take the lid off [the tube] and put it in your hands … and then he’d squish your hands together to fire the mustard onto the ceiling," William said. </p> <p>“He used to get in a lot of trouble from my grandmother,” he added.</p> <p>William’s cousins, Princess Anne’s children Zara Tindall and Peter Phillips, also remembered the same prank. </p> <p>“He gets you to hold it in your hands and I can’t remember exactly what he says — but he ends up slamming your hands together… it goes all over the ceiling,” Zara said.</p> <p>Her brother Peter added: “I actually think the marks are still there.”</p> <p><em>Image: Canadian Press/ Shutterstock Editorial</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Grandma shares blunt advice for gift-giving season

<p>A grandmother has shared valuable advice for other grandparents who are prone to going over the top for birthday and Christmas presents. </p> <p>DeeDee Moore, who runs the TikTok account @morethangrand, reignited the debate on finding the line between spoiling your grandkids with an abundance of gifts, and not going over the top. </p> <p>With Christmas right around the corner, DeeDee shared some advice for grandparents before they hit the shops.</p> <p>"Too much stuff from grandparents is at the top of the list of topics that parents struggle with," Moore explained in a viral clip.</p> <p>A recent survey from <a href="https://www.morethangrand.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">More Than Grand</a> found 75 percent of the parents surveyed, wished grandparents respected their wishes about gifts, for a few reasons, but the most common was the sheer volume of stuff.</p> <p>"Parents often don't have the physical space to accommodate the toys indulgent grandparents buy," she continued.</p> <p>However, the issue is that one grandparent probably isn't the only one going all out on gifts. </p> <p>"Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That's already nine gifts plus something for mum and dad. We're up to 10," she explained. </p> <p>"But if all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that's 22 presents for a two-year-old who would be just as happy with a box." </p> <p>Moore also pointed out while many kids are fortunate enough to be spoilt at Christmas, there are many children who are living in hardship and don't have the same luxuries. </p> <p>Her advice is to take some of the things you would have given to your grandchildren and donate them to a charity or organisation who works with less fortunate families.</p> <p>Dozens of mothers chimed in the comment section of the video, praising DeeDee's advice and sharing their own stress about presents. </p> <p>"I used to have so much anxiety about Christmas because my in-laws used to buy more than Santa, us and my parents combined. It was stressful," commented one mum. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Queen Camilla "heartbroken" by death of rescue dog

<p>Queen Camilla, who is recovering from a chest infection, has had to make the tough decision of putting her beloved pet dog, Beth, down after she was diagnosed with an untreatable tumour. </p> <p>The news was revealed by Buckingham Palace in a message shared to social media, which read:  "A sad farewell to Beth, the Queen's much-loved companion from Battersea Dogs and Cats Home who brought such joy, whether on walkies, helping on official duties, or curled up by the fire".</p> <p>The 77-year-old royal is said to be "heartbroken" by the loss over the weekend. </p> <p>Beth was rescued by Camilla in 2011, and because she was a rescue, the animal charity was never sure of Beth's age. </p> <p>The royal later adopted another Jack Russell, Bluebell, soon after getting Beth, when she became patron of  Battersea Dogs and Cats Home in 2017, taking over from the late Queen Elizabeth II.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCg830XISLD/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/DCg830XISLD/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by The Royal Family (@theroyalfamily)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Recalling the moment she found Bluebell, the Queen previously told <em>BBC Radio 5 Live</em>: "Along I went to Battersea, and Beth appeared, and she had just been moved from pillar to post and dumped.</p> <p>"We thought it would be nice for her to have a friend. They found [Bluebell] two or three weeks later, wandering about in woods, no hair on her, covered in sores, virtually dead. And they nursed her back to life and her hair grew again.</p> <p>"She's very sweet, but a tiny bit neurotic, shall we say.</p> <p>"The nice thing about dogs is you can sit them down, you could have a nice long conversation, you could be cross, you could be sad and they just sit looking at you, wagging their tail."</p> <p>The two dogs were often by her side at public events and were even featured in an official portrait alongside Camilla. </p> <p>Pictures of her two pups were also embroidered onto the Queen's Coronation gown. </p> <p>Camilla once said of her dogs: "I cannot imagine my life, my home or my sofas without them".</p> <p><em>Image: Instagram/ The Royal Family</em></p> <p> </p>

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Strangers raise almost $50,000 for sick stray dog

<p>Cindy was so overweight she could barely move when Lana Chapman found her lying in the dirt outside a 7-Eleven.</p> <p>Chapman, an Australian living in Koh Samui, Thailand, immediately decided to take the dog in, and her kind act has inspired hundreds of people online. </p> <p>The Aussie woman has been helping local street dogs for years and was determined to give Cindy a better life. Weighing in at almost 45kgs when Chapman found her, she has helped the pup lose weight and tracked her progress online where she went viral. </p> <p>It was all going well until a few weeks ago Cindy stopped eating and had a lump on her neck. </p> <p>"Usually she runs around the house with excitement [but] it took her about two minutes before she started to eat. That was really out of the norm," Chapman told <em>9news.com.au</em>.</p> <p>After a few vet visits she was diagnosed with lymphoma, a common cancer in dogs.</p> <p>"We started chemo the same day," Chapman said.</p> <p>"It was awful as the vet didn't think she would live for four weeks, but we wanted to try anything we could to help her."</p> <p>Initial tests alone cost almost $2,500, and Cindy needed at least 19 weeks of chemotherapy to survive. </p> <p>With pet insurance not an option as most vets on the island did not accept insurance claims, Chapman relied on the help of strangers and started a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/cindys-lymphoma-fight" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> in Cindy's name, hoping to raise $10,000 to cover for the cost of her care. </p> <p>"$10,000 still wouldn't cover the costs but I thought it would really assist us," she said.</p> <p>To her surprise, strangers flocked to help raising almost $50,000 for Cindy in a matter of days, with the highest donation so far being $5,000. </p> <p>The fundraising page was also filled with messages of support, with one writing: "Cindy you are the sweetest girl! I am sending you all the love, you can do this."</p> <p>"Wishing you well with your treatment Cindy, hoping for a speedy recovery. Sending lots of love to your humans too x," added another.</p> <p>Chapman said she was blown away by people's generosity, and never imagined that so many strangers would be willing to help the stray pup. </p> <p>"People have been following her from the day she was rescued off the streets so they have a major soft spot for her," she said.</p> <p>"We definitely would have struggled to pay for this [without donations]."</p> <p>Chapman added that the donations received so far will cover all of Cindy's cancer treatment, and the left over cash will be used to help other street dogs on the island. </p> <p><em>Images: GoFundMe/ Lana Chapman</em></p> <p> </p>

Family & Pets

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"This can't be real": Couple's unbelievable op-shop find

<p>An Australian man has made an epic discovery in his local op shop. </p> <p>Rob Klaric was browsing Lifeline's Mosman store on Sydney's north shore when he spotted two framed photos of himself and his wife, which they had lost while moving house more than 30 years ago. </p> <p>The photos were taken in 1988 when he and Leonie, his wife of 35 years, were backpacking across Europe. </p> <p>But turns out luck was on their side and they were reunited with their prized possession more than three decades later. </p> <p>"I'm still buzzing with this. I mean, what's the chances?" he told 2GB's Ben Fordham. </p> <p>"I've walked into a store and I see these pictures and I thought I was hallucinating."</p> <p>The photos hold special meaning for the couple, as it was taken in his mum's backyard when they went to visit her in Europe. </p> <p>"We backpacked across Europe, [went] to my mother's place in the north of Italy – so the photos are iconic because it's [taken] in my mother's backyard and Mum's just passed away a few years ago now."</p> <p>A year later, the couple got married, and the year following they had these images framed before they lost them in a move in 1933, when a removal company misplaced the boxes they were packed in. </p> <p>"I still tremble because I thought, 'this can't be real'."</p> <p>"The ironic thing is that my picture, apologies Leonie, mine was more expensive. It was $12 and hers was $8," he said. </p> <p>Klaric wondered if his late mother had something to do with the special find. </p> <p>"But look, it's got my mum, my beautiful old Italian mum, it's got her fingerprints all over it," he said. </p> <p>"Because those pictures were right in the middle [of the shop], on the floor, you would have never seen it unless you walked through the store. And if it was on the left or the right you wouldn't have seen it.</p> <p>"I think she's looking down from Heaven."</p> <p><em>Images: DailyMail</em></p>

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King Charles releases new portrait to mark 76th birthday

<p>King Charles has turned 76! </p> <p>The royal marked his birthday by opening two food distribution hubs, as part of his Coronation Food Project launched one year ago, with the aim of bridging the gap between food poverty and food waste. </p> <p>His Majesty visited one of the new hubs in south London on Thursday, which was hosting a "surplus food festival" as part of its opening, where they made meals using food that might otherwise have gone to waste. </p> <p>He also opened the second Coronation Food Hub in Merseyside in northwest England, in a virtual ceremony.</p> <p>The monarch spent his birthday touring the new facility before meeting beneficiaries and representatives of food banks, schools and community groups.</p> <p>Since it was launched, the food project has saved  853 tonnes of surplus food - the equivalent of 2.2 million meals - from going to waste. It has also given £715,000 ($1.4 million) in community food grants to 33 UK organisations. </p> <p>While the royal had an eventful birthday, the Royal Family's official X account shared portrait of the monarch with the caption: "Wishing His Majesty The King a very Happy Birthday today".</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">🎂 Wishing His Majesty The King a very Happy Birthday today. <a href="https://t.co/Nq7npnaXqa">pic.twitter.com/Nq7npnaXqa</a></p> <p>— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) <a href="https://twitter.com/RoyalFamily/status/1856964218039214113?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 14, 2024</a></p></blockquote> <p>The Prince and Princess of Wales also offered their best wishes in a post on social media, with a photo of the monarch taken during his recent overseas tour to Samoa. </p> <p>"Wishing a very Happy Birthday to His Majesty The King!" they captioned the post.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Wishing a very Happy Birthday to His Majesty The King! <a href="https://t.co/blN48K7490">pic.twitter.com/blN48K7490</a></p> <p>— The Prince and Princess of Wales (@KensingtonRoyal) <a href="https://twitter.com/KensingtonRoyal/status/1856983568657846417?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 14, 2024</a></p></blockquote> <p>The bells of Westminster Abbey were rung at 1pm (midnight AEDT).</p> <p><em>Images: X/ </em><em>Zak Hussein/ Shutterstock Editorial</em></p> <p> </p>

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Readers response: Is there any item of memorabilia you’ve passed down to family or plan to in the future?

<p>As in many families, there are often sentimental items and memorabilia that are passed down from several generations. </p> <p>We asked our readers if there are any heirlooms that they have passed down to their younger family members, or if they plan to, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Marjorie Gale</strong> - The christening gown made by my Aunt in the UK in 1955 for my eldest daughter, worn by my two other daughters. Now been worn by my 9 grandchildren and 12 great grandchildren, and another due soon. So far 24 babies have worn it.</p> <p><strong>Dawn Douglas</strong> - Yes, I have my Mums jewellery box and my eldest daughter will get it when I’m gone. I also have a brooch that belonged to my Nana.</p> <p><strong>Sue Crawley</strong> - I have a 1925 gold embossed book by AA Milne “When We Were Very Young”. My most cherished memory was sitting on my great grandfathers knee whilst he read it to me. Not sure yet which grandchild will receive it.</p> <p><strong>Greg Browning</strong> - A Winchester rifle my great grandfather bought in the 1800s. Have already passed it on.</p> <p><strong>Marion Ingram</strong> - Family bassinets. Now on its 4th generation!</p> <p><strong>Margie Buckingham</strong> - My grandmother’s costume jewellery was stunning. She was a racehorse breeder always in the Flemington Racecourse members, even had many Group One winners, so her jewellery had to look special.</p> <p><strong>Paul Uttley</strong> - A silver pocket knife that belonged to my great grandfather now belongs to my oldest grandson (six generations apart)!</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

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Michael Schumacher’s son gives rare interview about his father

<p>Michael Schumacher's son has shared a rare insight into his life after his dad's devastating skiing accident. </p> <p>Mick Schumacher, who was only 14 at the time of his dad’s accident, pursued his dream of reaching F1 without his father's guidance, and has spoken about how much his dad father continued to inspire him. </p> <p>In the new book <em>Inside Mercedes F1</em> written by Matt Whyman, the author had unrestricted access to the team, with the book including a conversation with Mick about his father’s influence.</p> <p>The 25-year-old, who became a reserve driver for Mercedes in 2023, told Whyman, “I was a crazy kid — everything my dad did, I did."</p> <p>“He was really supportive and a lot of fun, but could also be challenging. One time in a karting race I braked very late going into a corner and gained a lot of time."</p> <p>“When I told him about it, he said, ‘Yes, but you should have braked like that in every corner!’."</p> <p>“Whenever he felt like I was not taking it seriously, he would say, ‘Mick, would you rather go and play football with your friends? If so, we do not need to do all of this’."</p> <p>“I insisted that I wanted to race and he said, ‘Okay, then let’s do it properly’. So we started doing more European karting and I was getting better.”</p> <p>Mick later explained that he learned “a lot of technical points” from his dad that he “still uses today”, adding, “I started racing in the Formula classes the year after the accident and from that point onwards, I had to find my own feet."</p> <p>“I started karting aged three. I was six when I first went scuba diving. Aged 10 I was skydiving."</p> <p>“My dad was always very open to me trying out whatever I wanted to do and racing is all I wanted to do, because I enjoyed it the most.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Eric Alonso/DPPI/Shutterstock Editorial </em></p>

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"Hardest year of my life": Prince William's candid admission

<p>Prince WIlliam has made a candid admission about his life this past year, following the double cancer diagnoses of his father King Charles and wife Kate Middleton. </p> <p>When asked how this year has been in an interview with UK print media in Cape Town during his trip to South Africa, the royal replied: “Honestly? It’s been dreadful.</p> <p>“It’s probably been the hardest year in my life.”</p> <p>The Prince of Wales, who took time off while Princess Kate was being treated added:  “So, trying to get through everything else and keep everything on track has been really difficult.</p> <p>“But I’m so proud of my wife, I’m proud of my father, for ­handling the things that they have done. But from a personal family point of view, it’s been, yeah, it’s been brutal.”</p> <p>While the King and Princess Kate have both issued statements about their health struggles, this is the first time William has spoken candidly on the subject. </p> <p>The Prince of Wales is in South Africa as part of Earthshot Week, and presented the Earthshot Prize Awards on November 6. </p> <p>When asked if his family had watched the live broadcast of the awards ceremony, he replied: “I don’t know yet. I haven’t clocked in with them yet but I hope they did.</p> <p>“But it’s interesting you say that, ’cause I couldn’t be less relaxed this year, so it’s very interesting you’re all seeing that. But it’s more a case of just crack on and you’ve got to keep going.</p> <p>“I enjoy my work and I enjoy pacing myself and keeping sure I have got time for my family too.”</p> <p>He also shared an update on his wife's condition saying that "she's doing well. Doing well". </p> <p><em>Image: Andrew Parsons/Kensington Palace/ Shutterstock Editorial</em></p>

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"Mum grew great dope": Son's hilariously honest tribute goes viral

<p>Two brothers from Sydney have made headlines around the world for their hilarious tribute to their late mother. </p> <p>Sean and Chris Kelly wrote a death notice for their mum Jennifer Ann Kelly when she passed away aged 88 on Monday last week. </p> <p>“Farewell Jennie Kelly, our wild and wayward mother,”  the notice which was posted in the Sydney Morning Herald began. </p> <p>Jennifer Ann lived most of her life outside Nimbin and The Channon in northern NSW until she moved to a nursing home in Turramurra 18 months ago. </p> <p>Her sons' tribute has triggered a call for more honesty about death as they opened up about their unconventional upbringing.</p> <p>They revealed that their mum refused to say "passed" when someone died, believed exposing youth to religion was a form of child abuse, and "it was impossible to watch the news in her presence due to her vocal outrage."</p> <p>And while the two brothers had spent most of their lives "compensating for our upbringing", their mother's "rare attempts at 'responsible' parenting or grandparenting were always touching". </p> <p>They also added: “Mum grew great dope, never wanted to leave a party and gave up champagne or gin frequently, but never simultaneously.”</p> <p>“News on what’s next to follow. Bring a shovel," they ended the notice. </p> <p>Their good-humoured grief and honesty gained global attention after it was posted on Reddit. It was also included in British outlet<em> The Independent </em>and <em>US People Magazine</em>.</p> <p>“Your mum sounds phenomenal. The amazing tribute has reached thousands of people in the UK,” one Reddit user said. </p> <p>“I wish I’d known Jenny, she sounds wonderful. Thank you for a wonderful obituary – clearly Jenny lived until she died,” added another. </p> <p>Others praised their candidness, with one saying: “[It’s] honest, as opposed to all those people who suddenly become heroes/Mother Teresa when they die.”</p> <p>In an interview with <em>7NEWS</em> Sean admitted that the unconventional obituary was a first for him. </p> <p>“I’d never done a death notice, I’d never really looked at them,” he said.</p> <p>“I swear I spent less than four minutes on that.”</p> <p>He added that he wasn't even sure it would be published, and “the next thing I knew, the day after, someone said ‘I think we heard someone on the radio talking about your mother this morning’.” </p> <p>“She would say that she was mortified, but all my friends tell me she would be absolutely delighted at the attention.”</p> <p>Jennie leaves behind her two sons and three grandchildren. </p> <p><em>Images: 7News/ SMH</em></p>

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When a baby is stillborn, grandparents are hit with ‘two lots of grief’. Here’s how we can help

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jane-lockton-811825">Jane Lockton</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/clemence-due-100240">Clemence Due</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melissa-oxlad-811406">Melissa Oxlad</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a></em></p> <p><a href="https://www.stillbirthcre.org.au/resources/stillbirth-facts/">Six babies</a> are stillborn every day in Australia. This significant loss <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1744165X12001023">affects parents</a> for years to come, often the rest of their lives. However, stillbirth also affects many others, including grandparents.</p> <p>But until now, we have not heard the experiences of grandparents whose grandchildren are stillborn. Their grief was rarely acknowledged and there are few supports tailored to them.</p> <p>Our recently published <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/31387781">research</a> is the first in the world to specifically look at grandmothers’ experience of stillbirth and the support they need.</p> <p>In Australia, a baby <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0037109">is defined as</a> stillborn when it dies in the womb from 20 weeks’ gestation, or weighs more than 400 grams. Other countries have slightly different definitions.</p> <p><a href="https://www.stillbirthcre.org.au/resources/stillbirth-facts/">About 2,200</a> babies are stillborn each year here meaning stillbirth may be more common than many people think. And people <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(11)60107-4/fulltext">don’t tend to talk</a> about this openly despite it leading to significant grief.</p> <p>To explore grandparents’ experience of stillbirth, we interviewed 14 grandmothers for our initial study, and a further 23 grandmothers and grandfathers since then.</p> <p>Many grandparents were not aware stillbirth was a risk today. Most felt unprepared. Like parents, grandparents experienced grief like no other after their grandchild was stillborn.</p> <p>Rose said: "The grief is always there, it never leaves you […] I don’t know why but sometimes it is still very raw."</p> <p>Sally said: "I [would do] anything in my power to take it away, even if it meant, you know, something dreadful happening to me, I would have done it."</p> <p>Grandparents also spoke of anticipating the arrival of their grandchild, and disbelief at their loss.</p> <p>Donna said: "It was as bad as it could be and […] I thought it just couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be real."</p> <p>Where grandparents lived a long way from their child, the loss was even more profound. Distance prevented them from holding their grandchild after birth, attending memorials, or helping their own children.</p> <p>Iris said: "I still miss her now […] When she was born and they had her in the hospital they would text me and say you know she’s got hair like her daddy […] and they would describe her and how beautiful she was, and that’s all they have, you know […] that’s all I have really."</p> <p>Grandparents said they wanted to hide their grief to protect their child from pain. This often made them isolated. Their relationships with family members often changed.</p> <p>Mary said: "It’s like two lots of grief […] but I don’t want it to sound like it’s as bad as my daughter’s loss. It’s different, it’s a different grief, because you’re grieving the loss of a grandchild, and you’re also grieving for your daughter and her loss and it’s like yeah you’ve been kicked in the guts twice instead of once."</p> <h2>What grandparents wanted</h2> <p>Grandparents stressed the importance and ongoing value of being involved in “memory making” and spending time with their stillborn grandchild where possible.</p> <p>Creating mementos, such as taking photos and making footprints and hand prints, were all important ways of expressing their grief. These mementos kept the baby “alive” in the family. They were also a way to ensure their own child knew the baby was loved and remembered.</p> <p>Our research also identified better ways to support grandparents. Grandparents said that if they knew more about stillbirth, they would be more confident in knowing how to help support their children. And if people were more aware of grandparents’ grief, and acknowledged their loss, this would make it easier for them to get support themselves, and reduce feelings of isolation.</p> <p>Our research also found families can recognise that grandparents grieve too, for both their child and grandchild. Grandparents can be encouraged to seek support from other family and friends. Families could also encourage grandparents to seek support from professionals if needed.</p> <p>In hospitals, midwives can adopt some simple, time efficient strategies, with a big impact on grandparents. With parent consent, midwives could include grandparents in memory making activities.</p> <p>By acknowledging the connection grandparents have to the baby, midwives can validate the grief that they experience. In recognising the supportive role of grandparents, midwives can also provide early guidance about how best to support their child.</p> <p>Hospitals can help by including grandparents in the education provided after stillbirth. This might include guidance about support for their child, or simply providing grandparents with written resources and guiding them to appropriate supports.</p> <p>In time, development of peer support programs, where grandparents support others in similar situations, could help.</p> <p>And, as a community, we can support grandparents the same way they support their own children. We can be there, listen and learn.</p> <hr /> <p><em>All grandparents’ names in this article are pseudonyms.</em></p> <p><em>If this article raises issues for you or someone you know, contact <a href="http://www.sands.org.au">Sands</a> (stillbirth and newborn death support) on 1300 072 637. Sands also has <a href="https://www.sands.org.au/images/sands-creative/brochures/127517-For-Grandparents-Brochure.pdf">written information specifically for grandparents</a> of stillborn babies.</em><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/122313/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jane-lockton-811825">Jane Lockton</a>, PhD Candidate (Psychology, Health), <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/clemence-due-100240">Clemence Due</a>, Senior Lecturer in the School of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/melissa-oxlad-811406">Melissa Oxlad</a>, Lecturer in the School of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-adelaide-1119">University of Adelaide</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-a-baby-is-stillborn-grandparents-are-hit-with-two-lots-of-grief-heres-how-we-can-help-122313">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Filling the silences in family stories − how to think like a historian to uncover your family’s narrative

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-kaston-tange-1417052">Andrea Kaston Tange</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/macalester-college-2632">Macalester College</a></em></p> <p>Great-grandmothers. We all have them. But most of us will never know them except through glimpses of fading bits of paper: sepia photographs, recipe cards, letters in handwriting traced by a fountain pen dispensing cocoa-colored ink.</p> <p>What does it take to build coherent stories out of such tantalizing fragments of lives? I face this question routinely in my career as a <a href="https://www.macalester.edu/english/facultystaff/andreakastontange/">professor of 19th-century literature and culture</a>. Recently, I’ve turned that experience to writing a book about my own family.</p> <p>When I inherited my great-grandmother’s diary, a repurposed teacher’s planner in which she chronicled the family’s 1926 move from Michigan to Miami, I found a wedding portrait tucked inside. The angled profile showcases her youthful skin and a dress too elaborate for a Midwestern schoolteacher’s daily wear. It is easy to imagine that she took pleasure in inscribing her new name on the picture’s reverse: Faith Avery.</p> <p>I stared at her beautiful image for years, as if details of her satin gown could explain why a woman widowed in 1918 would, for the rest of her life, refuse to admit to having had that first husband and yet carefully preserve this portrait.</p> <p>And then, because archives have been at the center of my scholarly work, I turned to research. I located marriage records and draft cards, pored over maps, found family members in censuses and obituaries. Within those documents lay answers both surprising and poignant.</p> <p>What did I look for? How might anyone with a half-told family story begin to uncover more truths? And what does it take to make sense of them?</p> <h2>The digging</h2> <p>Questions that begin with “why” can rarely be answered easily. Researchers thus often prefer to start with “who” and “when” and “how,” locating a person in one spot and then tracing them through time. This adventure down a rabbit hole follows a method.</p> <p>Make a list of unknowns. These may be facts or enticing tidbits of incomplete family lore. My mother, trying to be helpful, told me things like, “Faith always said there was a horse thief in the family, but she was too mortified to reveal his name” and “I think Aunt Harriette (Faith’s sister) was married once briefly.”</p> <p>Do precise, not general, searches. Typing “horse thief Avery” into Google yields nothing useful, but many other sources contain rich information about old-fashioned exploits. The New York Public Library’s <a href="https://www.nypl.org/blog/2019/03/25/genealogy-guide-books">guide for family research</a> introduces some options. The <a href="https://www.loc.gov/pictures/">Library of Congress print and photograph collection</a> can also help you envision your ancestors’ world. Physical libraries contain historic photographs, maps, local records and digitized newspapers not available online. Historical societies and state universities typically allow free, in-person use of their collections.</p> <p>Know that sometimes you will fail and need to change course. I spent several days looking for the horse thief to no avail, much to my mother’s disappointment. But when I turned to Aunt Harriette’s marriage, I found a character no less fascinating, one I now think of as “Four Wives Frank.”</p> <p>Read old documents knowing they were produced by a patchwork of individuals who took information on trust. The handwritten birth, death, marriage and <a href="https://www.archives.gov/research/census/about">census records</a> of past centuries relied on self-reported data that required no verification. They can be plagued by carelessness in the name of efficiency.</p> <p>One hurried census-taker recorded Faith’s mother Cara as “Cora,” another renamed her brother Horace “Harris.” Frank offered up a variety of birth years, countries of origin and maiden names for his mother as he worked his way west. He must have been charming. Who but a charming man could have convinced woman after woman to marry him, each thinking she was, at most, his second wife? Marriage register officers and census-takers, not to mention his trail of brides, were none the wiser.</p> <p>Which leads me to this: Cross-check information. I knew I had the right Frank because he had the same three sons in multiple records. Inconsistencies across those records, in conjunction with the trajectory of his life, made this conclusion inevitable: The man purposefully reinvented himself.</p> <h2>The assembly</h2> <p>My academic work has taught me that most <a href="https://doi.org/10.2979/victorianstudies.63.2.02">archival answers lead to more questions</a>. As a result, I expect multiple phases of collecting. I gathered everything I could find about Faith’s early life, in hopes something might explain her reticence about her first marriage. As her story emerged, I periodically hit holes in the narrative that sent me back for more digging.</p> <p>Understanding people is easier if you are familiar with their world. For background, I read histories of Miami in the 1920s and researched details in Faith’s diary that might reveal her personality or motivations. Exploring her reading lists showed me a woman who enjoyed popular entertainment, such as 1926’s blockbuster “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0016598/">Aloma of the South Seas</a>.” Primers of <a href="https://libraryguides.missouri.edu/pricesandwages/1920-1929">1920s wages and prices</a> explained the family’s economic worries.</p> <p>As I got to know Faith, I revisited documents with new questions. To figure out whether Harriette’s husband Frank had anything to do with Faith, I made timelines for both sisters. To ponder the emotional underpinnings of those events, I reread Faith’s diary, paying particular attention to entries about Harriette and about Faith’s second husband.</p> <p>Because every pile of documents contains multiple stories, the key to a coherent narrative is locating a through line that addresses the biggest conundrums while identifying the tangents. I let go of the horse thief.</p> <h2>The results</h2> <p>The detective-style plots of what I call “<a href="https://www.writersdigest.com/be-inspired/lilly-dancyger-memoir-as-detective-novel">investigative memoir</a>” may inspire you to do your own family research. Genealogy sites such as <a href="https://www.ancestry.com/">Ancestry.com</a> and <a href="https://www.familysearch.org/en/united-states/">FamilySearch.org</a> can help.</p> <p>But it’s worth remembering that secondary reading will add richness to any family story. And local librarians are extraordinary at helping patrons navigate the search process.</p> <p>Improbable as it might seem, Four Wives Frank helped me understand the extent of Faith’s secrets and that she harbored them in hopes that her children’s lives would be easier. Such self-sacrifices are common for mothers. And yet, their particulars are as individual as the faintly silvered portrait of the soft young woman who married Harold Avery in 1911, and whose story requires an entire book to tell properly.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234341/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/andrea-kaston-tange-1417052">Andrea Kaston Tange</a>, Professor of English, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/macalester-college-2632">Macalester College</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/filling-the-silences-in-family-stories-how-to-think-like-a-historian-to-uncover-your-familys-narrative-234341">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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How are racehorses really treated in the ‘sport of kings’?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cathrynne-henshall-572585">Cathrynne Henshall</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/charles-sturt-university-849">Charles Sturt University</a></em></p> <p>It’s the time of year when shiny horses and colourful clothing fill our screens – the <a href="https://www.racing.com/spring-racing">Spring Racing Carnival</a>, which includes high profile races like The Everest, Melbourne Cup and Cox Plate.</p> <p>It’s also the time of year when questions are asked about the welfare of racehorses that compete in the so-called “<a href="https://www.amnh.org/exhibitions/horse/how-we-shaped-horses-how-horses-shaped-us/sport/sport-of-kings#:%7E:text=Thoroughbred%20racing%20began%20around%20300,Asia%2C%20and%20the%20Middle%20East.">sport of kings</a>”.</p> <p>Previously, <a href="https://www.news.com.au/sport/superracing/punters-life/how-many-horses-have-died-in-the-melbourne-cup-the-real-numbers/news-story/5f7e29011a7fbf3da9e0611e902d1ee6">high profile deaths during races</a>, the <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0015622">use of whips</a> and <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-02-17/making-a-killing/6127124">what happens to horses after racing</a> have been the focus of community concern.</p> <p>But recently, as we’ve come to know more about what makes a <a href="https://www.worldhorsewelfare.org/advice/welfare-wednesdays/how-to-provide-a-good-life-for-horses-friends-freedom-and-forage">good life for a horse</a>, questions are being raised about the daily lives of racehorses.</p> <p>Industry participants will point to the <a href="https://www.mamamia.com.au/dont-tell-me-the-horse-racing-industry-doesnt-care/">high level care</a> that racehorses receive – comfortable stables, specially formulated diets, the latest vet treatments and added extras such as massages and swimming sessions.</p> <p>But does this care translate into good welfare?</p> <h2>The theory of ‘telos’</h2> <p>Firstly, a quick primer on the difference between care and welfare.</p> <p>Care includes all the things that make sure racehorses get fit, stay fit and stay healthy. This care helps maximise the chance a horse will win races.</p> <p>Welfare is the animal’s subjective or individual experience of its life – <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33066335/">how it feels</a> – and there are a number of ways to assess this.</p> <p>One way is the concept of “telos”, originally developed by Ancient Greek philosopher <a href="https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-causality/">Aristotle</a>.</p> <p>Telos is a <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10806-012-9422-y">species’ anatomical, physiological, behavioural and cognitive characteristics</a> that have been shaped by millions of years of evolution.</p> <p>Telos helps us to identify what matters to animals – their behavioural, psychological and physiological needs.</p> <p>So to consider if racehorse care actually translates to good welfare, we can assess how closely it provides the animal with the things that matter to them, based on their telos.</p> <p>Equine telos involves living in groups, forming long-lived social relationships, grazing fibrous plants and being on the move for up to 18 hours a day, as well as staying safe by sensing danger and then moving away.</p> <p>It also involves living in variable environments to solve challenges, learn, engage in curiosity and play.</p> <p>Let’s compare that to the daily life of a racehorse.</p> <h2>Movement and feeding</h2> <p>Firstly, the vast majority of racehorses live in stables – sometimes up to 23 hours a day.</p> <p><a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17970632/">Multiple studies</a> have found continuous stabling harms horse welfare.</p> <p>Stables significantly restrict opportunities for voluntary movement, and studies show stabled horses spend <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37813129/">the majority of the time inactive</a>.</p> <p>Even though stables house horses communally, most designs limit horses’ opportunities for social interaction.</p> <p>Thirdly, there’s little for a horse to do in a stable other than eat, stand, drink or lie, and they often develop <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34670688/">abnormal behaviours</a> that are associated with stress. These are never seen in free-ranging horses.</p> <p>When racehorses do get to move, they have little say over how far, how fast and for how long they move.</p> <p>The kinds of physical exercise racehorses do are both significantly shorter in duration and at much higher speeds than horses voluntarily choose. It’s those speeds that place them at <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17910268/">risk of suffering a serious injury</a>.</p> <p>What about diet?</p> <p>Although a lot of time and effort is spent ensuring racehorses enjoy high quality diets, they are mostly comprised of concentrated energy sources such as grains, rather the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10135103/">fibre horses evolved to eat</a>.</p> <p>Horses are <a href="https://madbarn.com/slow-feeders-for-horses/#:%7E:text=Horses%20are%20trickle%20feeders%20that,to%2025%20miles%20per%20day.">trickle feeders</a> (grazers), with small stomachs that continuously secrete digestive juices.</p> <p>In the wild, grazing keeps those stomachs full, which prevents the stomach lining from being damaged by digestive acids.</p> <p>In comparison, racehorses often consume their food very quickly – instead of spending up to 75% of their day eating, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780702026348500137">they spend only 33%</a>.</p> <p>This means their stomachs are empty for most of the day, which is why up to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37048517/">65% will get painful gastric ulcers</a>.</p> <p>And having to wait to be fed rather than eating when hungry, as happens in free-ranging horses, <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/3/3/663">can lead to frustration</a>.</p> <h2>Other difficulties</h2> <p>Racehorses <a href="https://www.theage.com.au/national/does-whipping-hurt-race-horses-20211102-p595br.html">may be whipped</a>, and <a href="https://beva.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.2042-3306.1982.tb02389.x">more than 50% </a>will experience some form of musculoskeletal injury during racing, of which between <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/11/2/270">7-49% are fatal</a>.</p> <p>Social relationships, in the limited form possible in a racing stable, are also frequently disrupted because horse populations are highly transient due to spelling, <a href="https://theconversation.com/black-caviars-death-has-prompted-uncomfortable-questions-about-how-champion-mares-spend-their-retirement-237039">retirement</a> or even just going to the races.</p> <p>So even if two horses are able to form a relationship of sorts, chances are one will be taken away. <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/?term=henshall+stress+repeated&amp;size=200">Separation distress is a significant stressor</a> for horses.</p> <p>Then there’s the gear that’s used to control them.</p> <p>Horses, like most animal species, escape and avoid painful stimuli.</p> <p>However, in racing (and many other equestrian activties) it is <a href="https://www.racingnsw.com.au/wp-content/uploads/NSWRules.pdf">mandatory to use</a> “bits” to control horses’ behaviour during riding and handling. Bits work by causing uncomfortable pressure and pain and may lead to mouth injuries.</p> <p>Studies have shown many people don’t understand how <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08927936.2023.2166713#abstract">to minimise the harm they can cause</a>. In addition, people also vary widely in their ability to read and <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/9/12/1124">interpret behavioural responses to stress</a>.</p> <p>So, racehorses may be repeatedly exposed to pain from bits and perform a range of behaviours to try to escape that pain, like bolting, mouth opening or head tossing.</p> <p>To remedy this, additional items of restrictive equipment, such as <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34056705/">tongue ties</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/dressing-up-for-melbourne-cup-day-from-a-racehorse-point-of-view-104771">nosebands, lugging bits or bit burs</a> may be used to control the horse.</p> <p>Racehorses frequently show signs of difficulty coping with the stressors of racing life, including “going off their feed”, aggression towards handlers, becoming hard to control when ridden and a range of stress behaviours and health issues, <a href="https://avmajournals.avma.org/downloadpdf/view/journals/javma/260/15/javma.22.08.0358.pdf">such as bleeding from the lungs</a>.</p> <h2>What about welfare?</h2> <p>Racehorse care is often directed towards managing issues that are the direct result of the demands of the racing environment.</p> <p>Fancy stables and aqua sessions are not important to horses, and may even cause harm.</p> <p>What matters to horses are opportunities to make meaningful choices, such as the freedom to move, form friendships and graze for the majority of the day.</p> <p>Current racing industry practices often deny horses the chance to make these choices.</p> <p>There’s no doubt people in racing care deeply about their horses. But to experience good welfare during racing, racehorses need more than just good care.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/240998/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cathrynne-henshall-572585">Cathrynne Henshall</a>, Post-doctoral Fellow, School of Agricultural, Environmental and Veterinary Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/charles-sturt-university-849">Charles Sturt University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-are-racehorses-really-treated-in-the-sport-of-kings-240998">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

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How do children learn good manners?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a></em></p> <p>Ensuring kids have manners is a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">perennial preoccupation</a> for parents and caregivers.</p> <p>How, then, do you teach good manners to children?</p> <p>Modelling good manners around the home and in your own interaction with others is obviously crucial.</p> <p>But there’s a clear <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">uniting theme</a> when it comes to manners in Australia: in Australian English, good manners centre on honouring personal autonomy, egalitarianism and not appearing to tell people what to do.</p> <h2>Which manners matter most in Australia?</h2> <p>Some of the most important manners in Australian English are behavioural edicts that focus on particular speech acts: greeting, requesting, thanking and apologising.</p> <p>These speech acts have a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074/179857">set of words</a> associated with them:</p> <ul> <li>hello</li> <li>hi</li> <li>may I please…?</li> <li>could I please…?</li> <li>thank you</li> <li>ta</li> <li>sorry</li> <li>excuse me.</li> </ul> <p>Good manners make people feel comfortable in social situations by adding predictability and reassurance.</p> <p>They can act as signposts in interactions. Anglo cultures place a lot of weight on <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216612001014">egalitarianism</a>, personal autonomy and ensuring we don’t <a href="https://www.google.com.au/books/edition/English/d-d5AAAAIAAJ?hl=en">tell people what to do</a>.</p> <p>If you want to get someone to do something for you – pass you a pen, for example – you frame the request as a question to signal that you’re not telling them what to do.</p> <p>You’ll also add one of the main characters in Anglo politeness: the magic word, “<a href="https://www.academia.edu/20312114/Lige_a_Danish_magic_word_An_ethnopragmatic_analysis">please</a>”.</p> <p>This framing recognises you don’t expect or demand compliance. You’re acknowledging the other person as an autonomous individual who can do what they want.</p> <p>If the person does the thing you’ve asked, the next step is to say “thank you” to recognise the other person’s autonomy. You’re acknowledging they didn’t have to help just because you asked.</p> <h2>The heavy hitters</h2> <p>The words “please” and “thank you” are such heavy hitters in Australian English good manners, they’re two of the words that language learners and migrants <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/10408340308518247?needAccess=true">learn first</a>.</p> <p>They can help soften the impact of your words. Think, for example, of the difference between “no” and “no, thank you”.</p> <p>Of course, there are times when “no” is a full sentence. But what if someone offered you a cup of tea and you replied “no” without its concomitant “thank you” to soften your rejection and acknowledge this offer didn’t have to be made? Don’t be surprised if they think you sound a bit rude.</p> <p>The other big players in Australian English good manners are “sorry” and “excuse me”. Much like in <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BZ1Eid0gnLV/">British English</a>, the Australian “sorry” means many things.</p> <p>These can preface an intrusion on someone’s personal space, like before squeezing past someone in the cinema, or on someone’s speaking turn.</p> <p>Interrupting or talking over someone else is often heavily frowned on in Australian English because it is often interpreted as disregarding what the other person has to say.</p> <p>But in some cultures, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0346251X14001365">such as French</a>, this conversational style is actively encouraged. And some languages and cultures <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S038800011830069X?via%3Dihub">have different conventions</a> around what good manners look like around strangers versus with family.</p> <p>Good manners involve saying certain words in predictable contexts.</p> <p>But knowing what these are and when to use them demonstrates a deeper cultural awareness of what behaviours are valued.</p> <h2>How do children learn manners?</h2> <p>As part of my <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">research</a>, I’ve analysed parenting forum posts about “good manners”. Some believe good manners should be effortless; one parent said:</p> <blockquote> <p>Good manners shouldn’t be something that a child has to think about […] teach them correctly at home from day one, manners become an integral part of the way they view things.</p> </blockquote> <p>Another forum user posited good modelling was the key, saying:</p> <blockquote> <p>the parent has to lead by example, rather than forcing a child to say one or the other.</p> </blockquote> <p>One <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38777043/">study</a>, which involved analysis of more than 20 hours of videorecorded family dinner interactions collected in Italy, found mealtimes are also sites where parents control their children’s conduct “through the micro-politics of good manners.”</p> <blockquote> <p>By participating in mealtime interactions, children witness and have the chance to acquire the specific cultural principles governing bodily conduct at the table, such as ‘sitting properly’, ‘eating with cutlery’, and ‘chewing with mouth closed’.</p> <p>Yet, they are also socialised to a foundational principle of human sociality: one’s own behavior must be self-monitored according to the perspective of the generalised Other.</p> </blockquote> <p>In Australian English, that means regulating your behaviour to make sure you don’t do something that could be seen as “rude”. As I argued in a 2012 <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216612000410">paper</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>While child socialisation in Anglo culture involves heavy discouragement of rudeness, French does not have a direct equivalent feature […] French children are taught <em>ça ne se fait pas</em>, ‘that is not done’. Where the French proscribe the behaviours outright, the Anglos […] appeal to the image one has of oneself in interpersonal interactions.</p> </blockquote> <p>In Anglo English, the penalties for breaches could be other people’s disapproval and hurting their feelings.</p> <h2>Why are good manners important?</h2> <p>Good manners affect our interactions with others and help us build positive relationships.</p> <p>Fourteenth century English bishop and educator, William of Wykeham, declared that “<a href="https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803100131244#:%7E:text=Manners%20maketh%20man%20proverbial%20saying,Winchester%20and%20chancellor%20of%20England">manners maketh the man</a>”.</p> <p>John Hopkins University Professor <a href="https://ii.library.jhu.edu/2018/12/11/in-memory-of-p-m-forni-the-case-for-civility-in-the-classroom-and-beyond/">Pier Forni</a> called them a “precious life-improvement tool.”</p> <p>The “Good Manners” <a href="https://education.qld.gov.au/about-us/history/history-topics/good-manners-chart">chart</a>, based on a set of rules devised by the Children’s National guild of Courtesy in UK primary schools in 1889, was issued to Queensland primary schools until the 1960s.</p> <p>It tells kids to remember the golden rule to “always do to others as you would wish them to do to you if you were in their place.”</p> <p>Good manners form part of the bedrock for human sociality. Childhood is when we give kids foundational training on interacting with others and help them learn how to be a culturally competent member of a society.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/237133/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, Senior Lecturer in Writing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-do-children-learn-good-manners-237133">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Margot Robbie welcomes first child

<p>Margot Robbie has reportedly given birth to her first child with her husband, British filmmaker Tom Ackerley.</p> <p>According to <em>People</em>, the 34-year-old Australian actress gave birth to a baby boy on October 17 in Los Angeles. </p> <p>Her family is reportedly in the process of planning to travel out to the US.</p> <p>The actress known for her iconic roles in films like<em> I, Tonya, Wolf of Wall Street </em>and <em>Barbie</em>, has kept a low profile throughout her pregnancy, with friends and family also remaining tight-lipped on news of the baby.</p> <p>Ackerley was spotted carrying a box of nappies on the streets of LA on October 30, sparking speculation they had welcomed their baby. </p> <p>Robbie and Ackerley, met on the set of<em> Suite Française</em> in 2013, where he was an assistant director and she starred as Celine Joseph. </p> <p>They then married in December 2016 during a private ceremony in Byron Bay. </p> <p>Robbie's pregnancy was made public in July, with the couple enjoying a romantic babymoon to Sardinia, Italy a month later. </p> <p>The actress made her last red carpet appearance on September 9, when she attended the screening of the comedy movie she produced with her husband. </p> <p>Robbie has previously revealed how much she enjoys working with her husband. </p> <p>“I’m a great advocate of doing business with your partner,” she told <em>Porter </em>in 2018.</p> <p>“Being married is actually the most fun ever, life got way more fun somehow. I have a responsibility being someone’s wife, I want to be better." </p> <p><em>Image: CraSH/ Shutterstock Editorial</em></p> <p> </p>

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Hugh Grant finally reveals his children's names

<p>Hugh Grant has revealed the names of his two youngest daughters for the first time in a candid interview moment. </p> <p>The English actor and father-of-five has never announced the names of two of his children or the gender of his youngest offspring.</p> <p>Now, during an interview with talk show host Jimmy Kimmel, the 64-year-old finally shared that his youngest child was a girl and shared her name with viewers.</p> <p>During a conversation about his own unusual middle name, Mungo, he said, "I was in a bit of a panic with my wife on the day we named [our daughter]."</p> <p>Sharing the hilarious inspiration behind the name, he said, "We thought it might be nice for her when she was older if she could say in bars that her middle name is Danger. So, her name is Lulu Danger Grant. Austin Powers, you know?"</p> <p>Hugh, who also has a son named John Mungo, went on to reveal that his youngest isn't the only child in the family with a fun name. </p> <p>He went on to say that he and his wife Anna were stressed when naming their first daughter, and decided to ask their son for advice. </p> <p>"We asked her elder brother when she was on the way, 'there's a new baby coming along, what shall we call her?'", Hugh explained. "And he said 'Kevin', because that was his favourite Minion."</p> <p>"And we did think about calling her Kevin, but then we said, 'you'd better think of something else', and he said 'Blue', because that was his favourite colour."</p> <p>The announcement was out of character for Hugh, who despite being a huge Hollywood name, tends to keep his personal life out of the spotlight.</p> <p><em>Image credits: YouTube</em></p>

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Bride's touching tribute to late father on her wedding day

<p>"Who's going to walk me down the aisle?" those were the first words 13-year-old Bianca Accurso told her mother when she found out her father had passed away. </p> <p>"I knew from that moment that I needed to feel like he was going to be there right there with me [on my wedding day]," the now mum-of-one told <em>Yahoo Lifestyle</em>. </p> <p>"It was always important for me to acknowledge my dad in a special way at my wedding as he was my first love and whole world."</p> <p>Bianca kept her promise to her teenage self when she got married earlier this year, and the way she did it was by tracking down the man who owned her late father's car, and asking him if she could use it on her big day. </p> <p>"When going down the path of planning, I was writing down all that we needed to organise and tick off and ‘cars’ was one of the many things on the list," she recalled. </p> <p>Her husband had asked her what car she wanted for the special day, and she quickly responded "an XY GT just like my Dad’s". </p> <p>It was only when she brought up the topic of wedding cars to her mum that she had her "light bulb moment". </p> <p>"I literally then had a light bulb moment and said out loud, ‘Hey imagine if I could get it..’. I asked my Mum to see if she still had the transfer papers and contact details of the male that she sold it to after Dad had passed." </p> <p>It didn't take long for her to find the contact details for a man named Harold, while the phone call started a little awkwardly, once he realised who she was, they started talking like they were long lost friends. </p> <p>"I then proceeded to ask if he still owned my dad’s GT, to which he responded, ‘I would never sell it’. I had total goosebumps," Bianca said.</p> <p> </p> <div class="embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important; width: 537px; max-width: 100%;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7430359178104802561&amp;display_name=tiktok&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40loverslenssocials%2Fvideo%2F7430359178104802561&amp;image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign-sg.tiktokcdn.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-alisg-p-0037%2FoQ4D7LDJFHhEO47CqjA4ACqIYzZIQoCfAOeHfE%3Flk3s%3Db59d6b55%26x-expires%3D1730498400%26x-signature%3DZNBsHGDfkYMa0%252F22tUjN3D3RPjE%253D%26shp%3Db59d6b55%26shcp%3D-&amp;key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&amp;type=text%2Fhtml&amp;schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> <p>"I then told Harold the real reason why I had called and explained to him my wish of driving to my wedding in my Dad’s GT. There was no hesitation and he quite literally responded, ‘I would be absolutely honoured to do that for you, count me in.’ I was speechless. The butterflies were fluttering in my tummy... it was a meant-to-be moment."</p> <p>People were moved by Bianca's story which she posted on TikTok, with the video gaining almost a million views. </p> <p>"Your father is watching down crying and praising that man for taking time out of his day to make yours even better ❤️❤️," one person wrote.</p> <p>"The pure joy and happiness on your face ❤️ your dad may have not walked you down the aisle but he made sure you arrived in style..bless this beautiful man for doing this for you on your special day🥰🥰🥰,"  another added. </p> <p>Bianca recalled the moment she saw the car for the first time, saying: "seeing my Dad’s car after 10 years was indescribable."</p> <p>"My smile said it all. It looked like it had never been touched. I could picture my Dad in the driver's seat with me buckled in tightly by his side.</p> <p>"When we were driving in it, it was pure joy and happiness! We were just so present and tried to enjoy every last moment. Harold made us feel so comfortable and gave us a ride that we will never forget."</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram/ TikTok</em></p>

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