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Fostering children in retirement changed our life

Gary and Maxine* felt like they had too much spare time on their hands once they entered retirement. Searching for a purpose, they found it when they fell in love with fostering children. As my wife Maxine and I reached our 60s, we began to think about our lives beyond work. Yes, we were still happy to get out of bed at 4.45am for five mornings per week. Leaving home in the dark during the cold and sometimes snowy wintry months was something we accepted and never questioned. Besides, this was what we had done for at least 12 years. If we had appointments later in the day, it was not uncommon for us to arrive home after dark. We both loved our respective jobs in the city, an hour’s drive from home, traffic congestion permitting. On a fine sunny winters afternoon, and we were able to come straight home after work, there was nothing better on the drive home, as we headed toward the mountains, to see the snow down to low levels, glistening in the late afternoon sunlight. Each day we looked forward to the peace and quiet which greeted us as we arrived home to our lifestyle farm. It was our little place of paradise and a chance to unwind after the daily stresses of work. Sometimes, as we were leaving work, I would say to my wife, “I’ll cook tea tonight”. She would grin at me, because she knew I don’t cook, so it meant maybe Pizza Hut, fish and chips, or in the warmer weather, maybe Subway. At the end of a long, tiring week this was quite often a good idea, especially if I offered to pay. Our friends from work who lived in the city, and sometimes came out to visit, thought we were “crazy” to travel such a distance into work, and so far away from any kind of shops. Both of us, however, had spent most of our lives living in the country, so living in a town/city has never appealed to either of us. During the longer, warmer days of summer (especially after daylight saving had begun) left us with many hours to spend in our precious garden after we arrived home. We knew our lifestyles would change dramatically once we stopped work. Our biggest concern was trying to live off the superannuation, which we knew was a fraction of the amount we were both earning. However, that was only part of the problem. “RETIREMENT… NOW WHAT?” also represented to us “now what” do we do with our free time? That would come later, when we had more time to think and discuss our options. To “celebrate” our reaching retirement age we decided to reward ourselves with a three-month overseas holiday. For many years, the thought of an escorted tour of Canada/Alaska really appealed. Eventually we happily and excitedly booked our tour. After the tour, we decided to spend the remainder of the time with our daughter, her husband and our two adorable granddaughters, aged two and five years, in America. In a way, we were avoiding answering the question “RETIREMENT… NOW WHAT?” for several months. Once the bookings were made and our trip finalised, I had a brochure of our holiday pinned to a wall in my work room, with the date the tour started. Every day, I would smile and say “That’s another day closer”. I found it really helped me during the last six months or so, because it gave me a reason and purpose for working. A friend had once told me, and I thought it was strange at the time, but for me it turned out to be true that “your body will tell you when you have had enough.” I think “mentally” I was still capable of working, but “physically” I was ready for retirement. Maxine and I both retired from work on the same day. Both of us were given amazing farewell morning teas by our departments. We said goodbyes with a tinge of sadness because after 12 years for me and over 23 years for Maxine, work had played a major part of our lives. It had enabled us to enjoy many overseas holidays, and the lifestyle we chose to live. During that time, we had developed many close (sometimes mutual) friendships, and we sensed that was what we were going to miss most about retirement. We “closed” the door to one chapter of our lives, not sure what the future held for us, but were excited to find out. The organised tour of Canada/Alaska was simply amazing, which left us with numerous unforgettable memories. It was a real trip of a lifetime. After that it was time to spend time with family, and especially enjoy our two adorable granddaughters. Unfortunately, I suffered from ill health but it was still great to enjoy the company of family and visit nearby towns/cities and see some amazing sights and scenery. All too soon, we had returned home to be faced with the reality “RETIREMENT… NOW WHAT?” From my point of view, I was not unduly concerned with all the “free” time I had, but I was concerned what Maxine would find to do. Yes, we would still travel both within New Zealand and overseas, and to visit family and friends but now on a reduced income, that was more difficult. Yes, we had a large garden. Maxine loved to spend many hours per day in vegetable garden, which was her pride and joy. Any surplus she grew, she loved to give away to family and friends. However, she could not garden all day, every day, (especially during the colder winter months) nor could she read or complete 1000-piece Jigsaw Puzzles, which were her other great loves. We, (Maxine in particular) needed something else to do, but what? Maxine was part of a large family, so was used to having people around her. She and her late husband (he died in 2000) had two amazing children, a son who is single and lives in the North Island, and a married daughter (as mentioned previously) living in America. She had worked hard all her life, and was used to being kept busy. Now her lifestyle had changed dramatically and she found it difficult to adjust with all the spare time she now suddenly had. As with most parents, she always thought and hoped that at least one of her children would marry and live nearby. That way she would be able to spend time looking after the grandchildren, especially while their parents were at work. After all, this was what most of her family and friends her own age were able to enjoy. Being the “doting Mum and Nana” she really missed this loving family environment. Unfortunately for Maxine this was not meant to be so “RETIREMENT… NOW WHAT?” became an unresolved problem, the solution to which did not appear to be obvious. Several organisations in a nearby country town were advertising for various voluntary workers, in the local newspaper. With nothing to lose, we phoned to make an appointment to see if anything appealed to us. Little did we know that decision was about to make a profound and positive difference in our lives. We were seated in the office, and the woman in charge happily and excitedly went through the various options. For us however, there did not appear to be anything which interested us. Suddenly she mentioned fostering, and immediately our world changed. We excitedly asked her more questions. Sometime later, we left on a “real high” and eager to explore this idea, even more. Maxine in particular had always loved children. She and her late husband had an amazing relationship with their own children, and Maxine had also been a Sabbath School teacher for young children at our local church for a number of years. She had a real rapport with all children and they always loved her. I, on the other hand was not used to being around children, but felt that together as a team, this was something we could do, and do successfully. Besides which, we had the room, the time, the patience and most importantly, the love for any children who may be placed in our care. We were both enthusiastic about the idea of fostering, but before the final decision was made to pursue the idea we first discussed it with close family and friends, and ask for their opinions. Without hesitation, knowing my wife and that our marriage would survive any pressures brought about by becoming foster parents, felt it would be something we do successfully. Also, it could be done from the safety and security from our own home. With everyone’s approval we were excited by this new venture and felt the answer to our question “RETIREMENT… NOW WHAT?” had largely been answered. We then made contact with the local authorities about our desire to become foster parents, and within weeks we had attended and completed many hours of training. A short time later, we had two children placed in our care. One stayed with us for four months and the other for six months, before they were moved into longer term family environments. We loved them both, and treated them like they were our own grandchildren. During their stay with us they met most of our family, who love and accepted them as we had. It was sad when they left, but it was also extremely satisfying to see how far they had progressed, knowing we have played a small but vital role in their lives, at a time it was really needed. One of them we still see on a regular basis, which is great for all concerned. This child will always have a special place in our heart, and we like to think the feelings are mutual. Last year, we became foster parents to two more children, both of whom were with us for approximately six months. Although tiring at times, the effort required was worth it. Being foster parents, is without doubt one of THE most rewarding and pleasurable things I have ever done. Yes, they have their various kinds of problems, caused primarily by their largely unfortunate upbringing over which they have had no control. To quote the words from a well-known Beetles song, “All you (they) need is love”. Patience, commitment, boundary setting, time, understanding, trust and letting the child know you will be there for them no matter what, are also all vitally important in making the child feel safe and secure. Largely, it is just common sense and a desire to make a difference. We are hopeful of being advised in the near future to inform us we can again become foster parents. That way, the question of “RETIREMENT… NOW WHAT?” will not need to be thought about or discussed for the foreseeable future. *Names have been changed Do you have a story to share? Share your story with the Over60 community <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/community/contributor/community-contributor/" target="_blank">here</a>.

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Fostering children in retirement changed our life