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"You made me enjoy the game": Federer's emotional retirement letter to Nadal

Roger Federer has penned an emotional tribute to Rafael Nadal ahead of his retirement, reflecting on their stellar careers together. Nadal’s career officially came to an end when Spain was defeated 2-1 by the Netherlands in the Davis Cup quarter-final in Malaga on Wednesday morning, with Nadal in tears as he stepped onto the court for the final time. Thousands of tributes poured in for Nadal as his retirement officially began, but Federer's tribute quickly went viral for his emotional words. “As you get ready to graduate from tennis, I’ve got a few things to share before I maybe get emotional,” Federer said. “Let’s start with the obvious: you beat me - a lot. More than I managed to beat you. You challenged me in ways no one else could. On clay, it felt like I was stepping into your backyard, and you made me work harder than I ever thought I could just to hold my ground." “You made me reimagine my game - even going so far as to change the size of my racquet head, hoping for any edge. I’m not a very superstitious person, but you took it to the next level. Your whole process. All those rituals." “Assembling your water bottles like toy soldiers in formation, fixing your hair, adjusting your underwear … All of it with the highest intensity. Secretly, I kind of loved the whole thing. Because it was so unique - it was so you." “And you know what, Rafa, you made me enjoy the game even more. OK, maybe not at first. After the 2004 Australian Open, I achieved the No. 1 ranking for the first time. I thought I was on top of the world. And I was - until two months later, when you walked on the court in Miami in your red sleeveless shirt, showing off those biceps, and you beat me convincingly." "All that buzz I’d been hearing about you - about this amazing young player from Mallorca, a generational talent, probably going to win a major someday - it wasn’t just hype." “We were both at the start of our journey and it’s one we ended up taking together. Twenty years later, Rafa, I have to say: What an incredible run you’ve had. Including 14 French Opens - historic! You made Spain proud … you made the whole tennis world proud." “And then there was London – the Laver Cup in 2022. My final match. It meant everything to me that you were there by my side – not as my rival but as my doubles partner." “Sharing the court with you that night, and sharing those tears, will forever be one of the most special moments of my career.” Federer signed off the 585-word tribute from “your fan Roger”. Image credits: ANDY RAIN/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock Editorial

Retirement Life

Readers response: What was the worst hotel experience you had?

We asked our readers to share their stories of the worst hotel experience that have endured while on holiday, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Deedee Cullum - At a 5 star in Beijing. Arrived from the airport after 1am. Let into the room to find it occupied with someone having a bath. Instead of changing our room we waited in the lobby for 1 and 1/2 hours while they changed to the correct room and cleaned ours. The wet towels were neatly folded on the towel rack and the used soap was on the basin. When I turned the bedside light on I got a shock. To be fair management were most apologetic and gave us free dining in their top restaurant for the 4 days we were there. It was a few years ago but never forgotten. Bruce Hopkins - I stopped at a Hotel in Hobart, arrived in the afternoon, checked out the next day, the whole time I stopped there, I never saw anyone on reception or any staff at all. Creepiest hotel I stayed in. Carol Henwood - When we went to have a shower, and the towels disintegrated! The shower had black mould in all the corners. The carpet was so sticky, we kept our shoes on. We slept on top of the bed as the sheets were crumpled and smelly. What a night. Sheila Kell - When my eldest son was about 2 years old we took a holiday to Shute Harbour in QLD and in middle of night we heard lots of scratching so turned on light and sat up in bed and there were hundreds of field mice crawling up walls and back of bed. They apparently were having a plague, but we dressed and left. Couldn't sleep in that motel. Christine Warner - A country pub only option one night. Our room has no lock on the door, and there were gaps in the floorboards so we could see straight down to the bar where it was very noisy. We had already been warned of people breaking in to hotel and motel rooms in that region, so we slept in the car and returned to the room in the morning for a shower. Helen Wilson - In Singapore, they gave us a “free” breakfast while someone rummaged through our belongings and took stuff. Image credits: Shutterstock

Travel Trouble

Readers response: What’s the best advice you’ve received on staying healthy as you age?

We asked our readers what the best advice they’ve received on staying healthy as you age is, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Fred Pilcher - Don't smoke. That's the most important advice you're likely to get. If you do smoke, quit now. Today. I've lost parents and friends to lung cancer and emphysema - both terrible ways to go. (I say this as a former two pack a day addict.) Kate Caddey - Stay as fit as you can. Walk, do the stretch, balance and dance offerings. Travel the slightly harder way with ups and downs included. Stay curious about people you meet and about everything in general. Never stop learning. Marie Jones - Keep laughing. Gloria Hickey - Keep active, but wish I had been told to have my B12 added to yearly blood work too. Peter Connolly - Best advice I got was "Whatever you do, go out with a bang. There is absolutely no point in lying in bed in a hospital, dying of nothing!" Terry Dolman - Enjoy being happy. It takes more energy to be grumpy than smile. Plus, a good Friend in Vietnam now said "don't carry the past plus a drink of whisky a day." Heather Dixon - Keep busy. Lydia Poli - Enjoy the ride while you can! Marlene Cochrane - Don't stop moving. Both physically and mentally. Karen Ambrose - Keep dancing! Image credits: Shutterstock

Body

Airlines cancel flights after volcanic eruptions. An aviation expert explains why that’s a good thing

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/patrick-murray-2027113">Patrick Murray</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-queensland-1069">University of Southern Queensland</a> At least three airlines <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-11-13/flights-to-and-from-bali-cancelled-due-to-volcanic-ash/104593698">cancelled flights between Australia and Bali</a> this week after a volcano eruption in eastern Indonesia spewed a vast plume of volcanic ash into the air. But while would-be holiday makers are naturally <a href="https://7news.com.au/sunrise/volcanic-eruption-in-indonesia-forces-airlines-to-cancel-flights-to-bali-stranding-frustrated-passengers-c-16732486">upset</a> at having their plans disrupted, it’s worth remembering it’s not safe to fly planes through volcanic ash. So, how do airlines decide it’s not safe to fly when a volcano erupts? And why is volcanic ash so dangerous for aircraft, anyway? <h2>What does volcanic ash do to a plane?</h2> Volcanic ash particles are very, very abrasive. They can cause permanent damage to windscreens in the aircraft and can even make windscreens look opaque – like someone has gone over them with sandpaper. Imagine getting spectacles and scraping them over and over with sandpaper – that’s what you’d see if you were sitting in the cockpit. Volcanic ash can also clog or damage external sensors, leading to erroneous readings, and can infiltrate an aircraft’s ventilation system. This can affect cabin air quality and lead to potential respiratory issues. But the main issue, in fact, is the impact volcanic ash has on engines. A jet engine works by drawing in air, compressing it, mixing it with fuel and igniting it. This creates high-pressure exhaust gases that are expelled backward, which pushes the engine (and the aircraft) forward. The correct balance of fuel and airflow is crucial. When you disrupt airflow, it can cause the engine to stall. Ash particles that get inside the engines will melt and build up, causing disruption of the airflow. This could cause the engine to “flame out” or stall. Volcanic ash has a lot of silica in it, so when it melts it turns into something similar to glass. It won’t melt unless exposed to very high temperatures – but inside a jet engine, you do get very high temperatures. There was a famous incident in 1982 where a <a href="https://theaviationgeekclub.com/the-story-of-british-airways-flight-9-the-boeing-747-that-lost-all-four-engines-due-to-volcanic-ash-yet-it-landed-safely/">British Airways Boeing 747 plane</a> was flying in the vicinity of Indonesia and lost all four engines after it encountered volcanic ash spewing from Java’s Mount Galunggung. Fortunately, the pilot was able to <a href="https://simpleflying.com/gallunggung-glider-the-story-of-british-airways-flight-9/">restart the engines and land safely</a>, although the pilots were unable to see through the front windscreens. <h2>How do airlines decide it’s not safe to fly when a volcano erupts?</h2> The decision is made by each airline’s operational staff. Each airline’s operational team would be looking at the situation in real time today and making the decision based on their risk assessment. Every airline has a process of risk management, which is required by Australia’s Civil Aviation Safety Authority. Different airlines may tackle risk management in slightly different ways; you might have some cancelling flights earlier than others. But, in broad terms, the more sophisticated airlines would come to similar conclusions and they are likely all communicating with each other. Mostly, they make the call based on the extent of the plume – how big the cloud of ash is and where it’s going, bearing in mind that winds vary with altitude. As you get stronger winds with altitude, the ash can drift quite far from the source. There is also a United Nations agency called the <a href="https://www.icao.int/Pages/default.aspx">International Civil Aviation Organization</a>, which issues guidance on volcanic ash hazards. Various meteorological agencies around the world work together and liaise with aviation authorities to spread the word quickly if there is an eruption. For airlines to resume flights, the ash needs to clear and there needs to be a low probability of further eruptions. <h2>Passenger safety is the priority</h2> The underpinning reason behind these flight cancellations is safety. If you lose engines and you can’t see out the window, the risk to passenger safety is obvious. Naturally, people are upset about their holiday plans being held up. But it’s actually in passengers’ best interests to not fly through volcanic ash.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/243576/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/patrick-murray-2027113">Patrick Murray</a>, Emeritus Professor of Aviation, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-queensland-1069">University of Southern Queensland</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/airlines-cancel-flights-after-volcanic-eruptions-an-aviation-expert-explains-why-thats-a-good-thing-243576">original article</a>.

Travel Trouble

How to complain about aged care and get the result you want

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jacqueline-wesson-1331752">Jacqueline Wesson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lee-fay-low-98311">Lee-Fay Low</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> It can be hard to know what to say, or who to talk to, if you notice something isn’t right for you or a loved one in residential aged care. You might have concerns about personal or medical care, being adequately consulted about changes to care, or be concerned about charges on the latest bill. You could also be concerned about theft, neglect or abuse. Here’s how you can raise issues with the relevant person or authority to improve care and support for you or your loved one. <h2>Keep records</h2> You can complain about any aspect of care or service. For instance, if medical care, day-to-day support or financial matters do not meet your needs or expectations, you can complain. It is best to act as soon as you notice something isn’t right. This may prevent things from escalating. Good communication helps get better results. Make written notes about what happened, including times and dates, and take photos. Try to focus on facts and events. You can also keep a record of who was involved and their role. Keep track of how the provider responded or steps taken to resolve the issue. Write notes of conversations and keep copies of emails. <h2>Who do I complain to?</h2> Potential criminal matters If you have concerns about immediate, serious harm of a criminal nature then you should contact the police, and your provider immediately. These types of serious incidents include unreasonable use of force or other serious abuse or neglect, unlawful sexual contact, stealing or unexpected death. The provider may have already contacted you about this. They are required to report such <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au/consumers/serious-incident-response-scheme">serious incidents</a> to both the Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission within 24 hours, and to the police. Other matters For other matters, talk to the care staff involved. Try to find out more detail about what happened and why things went wrong. Think about what you expect in the situation. Then talk to the most senior person in charge, to see if they can make changes so things don’t go wrong in the future. This person may be called the nursing unit manager, care manager or care director. Providers must acknowledge and investigate your complaint, tell you their findings and actions taken, and follow up to see if you are satisfied. If you would like support to talk to the provider, the <a href="https://opan.org.au">Older Persons Advocacy Network</a> can help. This free service provides independent and confidential support to help find solutions with the aged-care provider. The network can also help you lodge a formal complaint. <h2>How to I lodge a formal complaint?</h2> If you are not satisfied with the way your provider responded, you can lodge a complaint with the <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au">Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission</a>. Be prepared to submit the facts and events, plus emails and correspondence, you have already collected. Think about what you want to happen to resolve the complaint. Each complaint is handled individually and prioritised depending on the risks to you or your loved one. The commission will start its processes within one business day when complaints are urgent. The resolution process took <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au/sites/default/files/media/acqsc-annual-report-2020-21.pdf">an average 40 days</a> in 2020-21. You can complain confidentially, or anonymously if you feel safer. But the commission may not be able to investigate fully if it’s anonymous. Also, there are limits to what the commission can do. It cannot ask providers to terminate someone’s employment, or provide direct clinical advice about treatment. Sometimes the commission has issued a “non-compliance” notice to the provider (for a failure to meet quality standards), and action may again <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-05-02/aged-care-complaint-about-southern-cross-care-young/101009716">be limited</a>. So it is a good idea to check the <a href="https://www.myagedcare.gov.au/non-compliance-checker">non-compliance register</a> beforehand to see if your provider is listed. <h2>What do others complain about?</h2> From October to December 2021, <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au/sites/default/files/media/acqs-sector-performance-data-oct-dec-2021.pdf">about a third</a> of Australian nursing homes had a complaint made to the commission against them. Some had more than one complaint. More than half of these complaints were lodged by family, friends or other consumers. The top reasons for complaints were about: <ul> <li> adequacy of staffing </li> <li> medication administration or management </li> <li> infectious diseases or infection control </li> <li> personal and oral hygiene </li> <li> how falls are prevented and managed </li> <li> consultation or communication with representatives and/or family members. </li> </ul> <h2>What if I’m still not happy?</h2> If you’re not happy when you receive the commission’s outcome, you can request a review with 42 days. You can also request the <a href="https://www.ombudsman.gov.au">Commonwealth Ombudsman</a> to review the complaint if you’re not satisfied with the commission’s decision or the way the commission handled your complaint. <h2>Remember, you have a right to complain</h2> The <a href="https://agedcare.royalcommission.gov.au">Aged Care Royal Commission</a> spotlighted the neglect and substandard care that can occur in nursing homes. Despite attempts to <a href="https://www.health.gov.au/resources/publications/concepts-for-a-new-framework-for-regulating-aged-care">lift the standard of aged care</a>, we know residents and carers still have concerns. Residents, and their representatives or families, have a legal <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au/consumers/standards/resources">right to speak up and complain</a>, free from reprisal or negative consequences. This right is also reflected in the <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au/consumers/consumer-rights">Charter of Aged Care Rights</a>, which providers are legally required to discuss with you and help you understand. <h2>Moving to another facility</h2> If you have exhausted all avenues of complaint or feel conditions have not improved, you may decide to move to another provider or facility, if available. This option may not be possible in rural areas. This is a difficult decision. It takes time, as well as financial and emotional resources. Starting again with a new provider can also be disruptive for everyone, but sometimes it may be the right choice. <hr /> Contact the <a href="https://opan.org.au">Older Persons Advocacy Network</a> on 1800 700 600, the <a href="https://www.agedcarequality.gov.au">Aged Care Quality and Safety Commission</a> on 1800 951 822 or the <a href="https://www.ombudsman.gov.au">Commonwealth Ombudsman</a> on 1300 362 072.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/180036/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jacqueline-wesson-1331752">Jacqueline Wesson</a>, Senior Lecturer (Teaching and Research), Discipline of Occupational Therapy, School of Health Sciences, Faculty of Medicine and Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lee-fay-low-98311">Lee-Fay Low</a>, Professor in Ageing and Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-complain-about-aged-care-and-get-the-result-you-want-180036">original article</a>.

Retirement Life

Readers response: What advice would you give someone visiting Australia?

We asked our readers what advice they would give to someone travelling to Australia, including where tourists need to see and what hidden gems cannot be missed. Here's what they said. Peggy Rice - Respect our rules, the outback needs to be researched, swim between flags, don't swim with crocodiles. It's the best country in the world, let's keep it that way. Also do yourself a favour and put Tasmania on your list of beauty. Kay L Bayly - Number 1 advice! Check distances between desired destinations. It is a much bigger country than most people understand. Michael Pender - Bring a sense of humour. Toni Stewart - You will need a year at least to see all the different areas from desert, scrub, rainforest, cities, beaches, country side fabulous little towns and lots of festivals. Maureen Prince - We don’t have Kangaroos running the streets. Koalas are not in everybody's back yard trees. Whilst we do have snakes you’d be very unfortunate if you were to come across a venomous one. We don’t all go around saying “Good day mate”. Our scenery is incredible. Our food is superb and, best of all, we have good friends who do say “Good day mate”. Tina Shaw - Leave preconceptions at customs. See who we are and you'll have a fantastic time. Dianne Savage - Put Tasmania on your must do list. Margaret Higgs - Use sunscreen, wear a hat, drink lots of fluids. Cheryl Anne - Don't assume you can cover the whole country in 6 weeks. Sarah Hayse-Gregson - Obey the beach culture. The flags, lifesavers are there for a reason. If a sign says, “beach closed” there’s no one to assist you if you get into difficulty. Our lifesavers are volunteers, don’t forget that. They give up their free time to monitor the beaches and are highly trained. Never turn your back to the sea. Ann Lusby - Watch out for drop bears. Image credits: Shutterstock

Domestic Travel

Your friend has been diagnosed with cancer. Here are 6 things you can do to support them

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/stephanie-cowdery-2217734">Stephanie Cowdery</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/anna-ugalde-2232654">Anna Ugalde</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/trish-livingston-163686">Trish Livingston</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/victoria-white-1888110">Victoria White</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a> Across the world, <a href="https://www.who.int/news/item/01-02-2024-global-cancer-burden-growing--amidst-mounting-need-for-services">one in five</a> people are diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime. By age 85, almost <a href="https://www.cancer.org.au/cancer-information/what-is-cancer/facts-and-figures">one in two</a> Australians will be diagnosed with cancer. When it happens to someone you care about, it can be hard to know what to say or how to help them. But providing the right support to a friend can make all the difference as they face the emotional and physical challenges of a new diagnosis and treatment. Here are six ways to offer meaningful support to a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer. <h2>1. Recognise and respond to emotions</h2> When facing a cancer diagnosis and treatment, it’s normal to experience a range of <a href="https://www.canceraustralia.gov.au/impacted-by-cancer/emotions#:%7E:text=It's%20likely%20that%20feelings%20will,these%20feelings%20ease%20with%20time">emotions</a> including fear, anger, grief and sadness. Your friend’s moods may fluctuate. It is also common for feelings to <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00520-014-2492-9">change over time</a>, for example your friend’s anxiety may decrease, but they may feel more depressed. Some friends may want to share details while others will prefer privacy. Always ask permission to raise sensitive topics (such as changes in physical appearance or their thoughts regarding fears and anxiety) and don’t make assumptions. It’s OK to tell them you feel awkward, as this acknowledges the challenging situation they are facing. When they feel comfortable to talk, follow their lead. Your support and willingness <a href="https://www.cancervic.org.au/get-support/stories/what-to-say-and-not-say.html">to listen without judgement</a> can provide great comfort. You don’t have to have the answers. Simply acknowledging what has been said, providing your full attention and being present for them will be a great help. <h2>2. Understand their diagnosis and treatment</h2> <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/pon.4722">Understanding</a> your friend’s diagnosis and what they’ll go through when being <a href="https://www.cancer.org/cancer/caregivers/what-a-caregiver-does/treatment-timeline.html">treated</a> may be helpful. Being informed can reduce your own worry. It may also help you to listen better and reduce the amount of explaining your friend has to do, especially when they’re tired or overwhelmed. Explore reputable sources such as the <a href="https://www.cancer.org.au/">Cancer Council website</a> for accurate information, so you can have meaningful conversations. But keep in mind your friend has a trusted medical team to offer personalised and accurate advice. <h2>3. Check in regularly</h2> Cancer treatment can be isolating, so regular check-ins, texts, calls or visits can help your friend feel less alone. Having a normal conversation and sharing a joke can be very welcome. But everyone copes with cancer differently. Be patient and flexible in your support – some days will be harder for them than others. Remembering key dates – such as the next round of chemotherapy – can help your friend feel supported. Celebrating milestones, including the end of treatment or anniversary dates, may boost morale and remind your friend of positive moments in their cancer journey. Always ask if it’s a good time to visit, as your friend’s immune system <a href="https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/what-is-cancer/body-systems-and-cancer/the-immune-system-and-cancer#:%7E:text=to%20fight%20cancer-,Cancer%20and%20treatments%20may%20weaken%20immunity,high%20dose%20of%20steroids">may be compromised</a> by their cancer or treatments such as chemotherapy or radiotherapy. If you’re feeling unwell, it’s best to postpone visits – but they may still appreciate a call or text. <h2>4. Offer practical support</h2> Sometimes the best way to show your care is through practical support. There may be different ways to offer help, and what your friend needs might change at the beginning, during and after treatment. For example, you could offer to pick up prescriptions, drive them to appointments so they have transport and company to debrief, or wait with them at appointments. Meals will always be welcome. However it’s important to remember cancer and its treatments may <a href="https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/treatment/side-effects/nutrition#effects-of-cancer-treatment-on-nutrition">affect</a> taste, smell and appetite, as well as your friend’s ability to eat enough or absorb nutrients. You may want to check first if there are particular foods they like. <a href="https://www.cancervic.org.au/downloads/resources/booklets/nutrition-cancer.pdf">Good nutrition</a> can help boost their strength while dealing with the side effects of treatment. There may also be family responsibilities you can help with, for example, babysitting kids, grocery shopping or taking care of pets. <h2>5. Explore supports together</h2> Studies <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35834503/">have shown</a> mindfulness practices can be an effective way for people to manage anxiety associated with a cancer diagnosis and its treatment. If this is something your friend is interested in, it may be enjoyable to explore classes (either online or in-person) together. You may also be able to help your friend connect with organisations that provide emotional and practical help, such as the Cancer Council’s <a href="https://www.cancer.org.au/support-and-services/cancer-council-13-11-20">support line</a>, which offers free, confidential information and support for anyone affected by cancer, including family, friends and carers. <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/5659099_Systematic_review_of_peer-support_programs_for_people_with_cancer">Peer support groups</a> can also reduce your friend’s feelings of isolation and foster shared understanding and empathy with people who’ve gone through a similar experience. GPs <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34333571/">can help</a> with referrals to support programs. <h2>6. Stick with them</h2> Be committed. Many people feel <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11120751/">isolated</a> after their treatment. This may be because regular appointments have reduced or stopped – which can feel like losing a safety net – or because their relationships with others have changed. Your friend may also experience emotions such as worry, lack of confidence and uncertainty as they adjust to a <a href="https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/survivorship/new-normal">new way of living</a> after their treatment has ended. This will be an important time to support your friend. But don’t forget: looking after <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/caring-for-someone-with-cancer">yourself</a> is important too. Making sure you eat well, sleep, exercise and have emotional support will help steady you through what may be a challenging time for you, as well as the friend you love. <a href="https://www.deakin.edu.au/faculty-of-health/research/cancer-carer-hub">Our research</a> team is developing new programs and resources to support carers of people who live with cancer. While it can be a challenging experience, it can also be immensely rewarding, and your small acts of kindness can make a big difference.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/239844/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/stephanie-cowdery-2217734">Stephanie Cowdery</a>, Research Fellow, Carer Hub: A Centre of Excellence in Cancer Carer Research, Translation and Impact, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/anna-ugalde-2232654">Anna Ugalde</a>, Associate Professor & Victorian Cancer Agency Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/trish-livingston-163686">Trish Livingston</a>, Distinguished Professor & Director of Special Projects, Faculty of Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/victoria-white-1888110">Victoria White</a>, Professor of Pyscho-Oncology, School of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/your-friend-has-been-diagnosed-with-cancer-here-are-6-things-you-can-do-to-support-them-239844">original article</a>.

Caring

Can you die from long COVID? The answer is not so simple

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rose-shiqi-luo-1477061">Rose (Shiqi) Luo</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/catherine-itsiopoulos-14246">Catherine Itsiopoulos</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-anderson-1412897">Kate Anderson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/magdalena-plebanski-1063786">Magdalena Plebanski</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/zhen-zheng-1321031">Zhen Zheng</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a> Nearly five years into the pandemic, COVID is feeling less central to our daily lives. But the virus, SARS-CoV-2, is still around, and for many people the effects of an infection can be long-lasting. When symptoms persist for more than three months after the initial COVID infection, this is generally referred to as <a href="https://www.who.int/europe/news-room/fact-sheets/item/post-covid-19-condition">long COVID</a>. In September, Grammy-winning Brazilian musician <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-09-07/brazilian-musician-sergio-mendez-dies-at-83/104323360">Sérgio Mendes</a> died aged 83 after reportedly having long COVID. <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/articles/covid-19-mortality-australia-deaths-registered-until-31-july-2023">Australian data</a> show 196 deaths were due to the long-term effects of COVID from the beginning of the pandemic up to the end of July 2023. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported 3,544 <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/nchs_press_releases/2022/20221214.htm">long-COVID-related deaths</a> from the start of the pandemic up to the end of June 2022. The symptoms of <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/long-covid">long COVID</a> – such as fatigue, shortness of breath and “brain fog” – can be debilitating. But can you die from long COVID? The answer is not so simple. <h2>How could long COVID lead to death?</h2> There’s still a lot we don’t understand about what causes long COVID. A popular theory is that “zombie” <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.2300644120">virus fragments</a> may linger in the body and cause inflammation even after the virus has gone, resulting in long-term health problems. Recent research suggests a reservoir of <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1198743X24004324?via%3Dihub">SARS-CoV-2 proteins</a> in the blood might explain why some people experience ongoing symptoms. We know a serious COVID infection can damage <a href="https://covid19.nih.gov/news-and-stories/long-term-effects-sars-cov-2-organs-and-energy#:%7E:text=What%20you%20need%20to%20know,main%20source%20of%20this%20damage">multiple organs</a>. For example, severe COVID can lead to <a href="https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/coronavirus/covid-long-haulers-long-term-effects-of-covid19">permanent lung dysfunction</a>, persistent heart inflammation, neurological damage and long-term kidney disease. These issues can in some cases lead to death, either immediately or months or years down the track. But is death beyond the acute phase of infection from one of these causes the direct result of COVID, long COVID, or something else? Whether long COVID can directly cause death continues to be a topic of debate. Of the <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr025.pdf">3,544 deaths</a> related to long COVID in the US up to June 2022, the most commonly recorded underlying cause was COVID itself (67.5%). This could mean they died as a result of one of the long-term effects of a COVID infection, such as those mentioned above. COVID infection was followed by heart disease (8.6%), cancer (2.9%), Alzheimer’s disease (2.7%), lung disease (2.5%), diabetes (2%) and stroke (1.8%). Adults aged 75–84 had the highest rate of death related to long COVID (28.8%). These findings suggest many of these people died “with” long COVID, rather than from the condition. In other words, long COVID may not be a direct driver of death, but rather a contributor, likely exacerbating existing conditions. <h2>‘Cause of death’ is difficult to define</h2> Long COVID is a relatively recent phenomenon, so mortality data for people with this condition are limited. However, we can draw some insights from the experiences of people with post-viral conditions that have been studied for longer, such as myalgic encephalomyelitis or chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS). Like long COVID, <a href="https://bmjopen.bmj.com/content/12/5/e058128">ME/CFS</a> is a complex condition which can have significant and varied effects on a person’s physical fitness, nutritional status, social engagement, mental health and quality of life. Some research indicates people with ME/CFS are at <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5218818/">increased risk</a> of dying from causes including heart conditions, infections and suicide, that may be triggered or compounded by the debilitating nature of the syndrome. So what is the emerging data on long COVID telling us about the potential increased risk of death? Research from 2023 has suggested adults in the US with long COVID were at <a href="https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama-health-forum/fullarticle/2802095">greater risk</a> of developing heart disease, stroke, lung disease and asthma. Research has also found <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9721155/">long COVID</a> is associated with a higher risk of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21642850.2022.2164498#abstract">suicidal ideation</a> (thinking about or planning suicide). This may reflect common symptoms and consequences of long COVID such as sleep problems, fatigue, chronic pain and emotional distress. But long COVID is more likely to occur in people who have <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/covid-19/long-covid-in-australia-a-review-of-the-literature/summary">existing health conditions</a>. This makes it challenging to accurately determine how much long COVID contributes to a person’s death. Research has long revealed <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7302107/">reliability issues</a> in cause-of-death reporting, particularly for people with chronic illness. <h2>So what can we conclude?</h2> Ultimately, long COVID is a <a href="https://www.health.gov.au/topics/chronic-conditions/about-chronic-conditions">chronic condition</a> that can significantly affect quality of life, mental wellbeing and overall health. While long COVID is not usually immediately or directly life-threatening, it’s possible it could exacerbate existing conditions, and play a role in a person’s death in this way. Importantly, many people with long COVID around the world lack access to appropriate support. We need to develop <a href="https://www.mja.com.au/journal/2024/221/9/persistent-symptoms-after-covid-19-australian-stratified-random-health-survey">models of care</a> for the optimal management of people with long COVID with a focus on multidisciplinary care. Dr Natalie Jovanovski, Vice Chancellor’s Senior Research Fellow in the School of Health and Biomedical Sciences at RMIT University, contributed to this article.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/239184/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rose-shiqi-luo-1477061">Rose (Shiqi) Luo</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, School of Health and Biomedical Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/catherine-itsiopoulos-14246">Catherine Itsiopoulos</a>, Professor and Dean, School of Health and Biomedical Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-anderson-1412897">Kate Anderson</a>, Vice Chancellor's Senior Research Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/magdalena-plebanski-1063786">Magdalena Plebanski</a>, Professor of Immunology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/zhen-zheng-1321031">Zhen Zheng</a>, Associate Professor, STEM | Health and Biomedical Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/can-you-die-from-long-covid-the-answer-is-not-so-simple-239184">original article</a>.

Body

Readers response: What piece of travel memorabilia brings back the best memories for you?

When we travel, many of us love to pick up a souvenir to remind us of our holidays and the destinations we loved. We asked our readers what piece of travel memorabilia brings back the best memories, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Jan Hall - Christmas Decorations! Then when I put my tree up it’s like a trip down memory lane, first one was 1973 from Singapore our first overseas holiday. Debra Stone - A letter opener with a Paua shell on the handle. New Zealand wouldn't let us take it in our luggage, so we posted it home to ourselves! Becky Murfet - In 1984 we went to Europe and I collected match boxes from different countries. Have them in a large glass bowl. Great to look at for memories sake. Caron Castner - Stines from Germany. Margie Buckingham - A palm-sided wooden carved elephant from a side trip off my cruise from Singapore to Malaysia & Thailand and back to celebrate my 40th. It sits on my mantelpiece so to deliberately trigger good memories of a younger me. Frank Nieuwenhuis - 2300 year old oil lamp bought in Israel. Fay Russell - Turkish tea set. Valma Blake - Of all the things I've bought on my travels, my favourite is my cat ornament collection that are decorated relative to the country or area I visited. Image credits: Shutterstock

International Travel

I spoke to 100 Japanese seniors, and learnt the secret to a good retirement is a good working life

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shiori-shakuto-1537774">Shiori Shakuto</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> What makes a good retirement? I’ve <a href="https://www.pennpress.org/9781512827088/after-work/">been researching</a> the lives of “silver backpackers”: Japanese seniors who embark on a later-life journey of self-discovery. Many experienced Japan’s high-growth economy, characterised by rigid gender roles. For many men who worked as iconic cultural figures of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salaryman">sarariiman</a> (white collar workers), excessive working hours were normalised and expected. Their absence from home was compensated by their female partners, many full-time stay-at-home mothers. Entering their 60s meant either retirement from work, or children leaving home. For men and women, retirement is understood as an opportunity to live a life for themselves, leading to a journey of self-discovery. <h2>Dedicating life to work</h2> I interviewed more than 100 older Japanese women and men and found a significant disparity in the quality of life between them. Japanese retired men who led a work-oriented life struggled to find meaning at the initial stages of retirement. One man I spoke to retired at the age of 60 from a large trading company. He was a successful businessman, having travelled the world and held various managerial positions in the company. His wife looked after the children most of the time. They bought a house with a yard in a suburb so the children could attend a good school. It significantly increased his commute, and further reduced his time with children. He also worked on weekends. He barely had time to develop his hobbies or get to know his neighbours. He idealised his retirement as a time to finally spend with his family and develop his own hobbies. When he retired, however, he realised that he and his family didn’t have any common topics of conversation. Through decades of excessive hours spent at work away from home, the rest of the family established a routine that did not include him. Taking up new hobbies at the age of 60 was not as easy as he thought, nor was making new friends at this age. “I became a nureochiba,” he lamented. Nureochiba refers to the wet fallen leaves that linger and are difficult to get rid of. The term is commonly used to describe retired men with no friends or hobbies who constantly accompany their wives. The retirement for many former sarariiman was characterised by boredom – having nowhere to go to or having nothing to do. The sense of boredom led to a sense of isolation and low confidence in old age. Many older Japanese men I spoke to lament not having built a connection with their children or communities at a younger age. <h2>Dedicating life to family and community</h2> Older Japanese women I spoke with were more well-connected with their children and local communities in later life. Many were in regular contact with their children through visits, phone calls and messages. Some continued to care for them by providing food or by looking after grandchildren. Children very much appreciated them. Many older women who had been full-time stay-at-home mothers had already taken up hobbies or volunteering activities at community organisations, and they could accelerate these involvements in their old age. Even women who worked full-time seemed to maintain better connections with their family members because working excessively away from home was simply not possible for them. Older men relied on these women’s networks and activities conducted at the scales of home and communities – from caring for others to pursuing hobbies – to enact a meaningful retirement. The sense of connection with family and communities, not to mention their husbands’ reliance on them, led to a high confidence and wellbeing among older women. I saw many instances where older women preferred spending time with their female friends than their retired husbands and embarked on adventurous trips alone. One woman went on a three-month cruise alone. Feeling liberated, she sent a fax message to her husband from the ship: “When I get off this ship, I will devote the rest of my life to myself. You will have to take care of your own mother.” Upon disembarking, she moved to Malaysia to start her second life. <h2>The silver backpackers</h2> Malaysia has become a popular destination for silver backpackers looking to embark on a journey of self-discovery. Some travel as couples, while others go alone, regardless of their marital status. For many male silver backpackers I spoke to, moving to Malaysia offers a second chance at life to make new friends, find hobbies and, most importantly, start anew with their partners. For many female silver backpackers, visiting Malaysia means being able to enjoy an independent lifestyle while having the security of friends and family in Malaysia and Japan. The experiences of older Japanese men and women can be translated into the experiences of anyone who spent excessive hours at work and those who spent more time cultivating relationships outside of work. The activities of the latter group are not as valued in a society that narrowly defines productivity. However, my research shows that it is their activities that carry more value in old age. Are you under pressure to work long hours? If you can, turn off your phone and computer. Instead of organising events for work, organise a dinner with your family and friends. Take up a new hobby in your local community centres. You can change how you work and live now for a better old age.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/238571/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shiori-shakuto-1537774">Shiori Shakuto</a>, Lecturer in Anthropology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/i-spoke-to-100-japanese-seniors-and-learnt-the-secret-to-a-good-retirement-is-a-good-working-life-238571">original article</a>.

Retirement Life

Readers response: What’s the best book you’ve read recently, and what did you love about it?

With hundreds of new books on the market, it's hard to know what are the best to recommend. We asked our readers what the best book they've read recently is and what did they love about it, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Helen Ulgekutt - The Venice Hotel by Tess Woods, loved it start to finish. Zoy Crizzle - The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. Great book, so easy to read and an interesting story line. I loved it. Keralie Stack - I have just finished Fallen Woman by Fiona McIntosh. A good read. Karen Peardon - The Borrowed Life of Frederick Fife by Anna Johnston. A great story. Nola Schmidt - The Perfect Passion Company by Alexander McCall Smith. It was clever, witty, and gentle. June Lennie - People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks. Interesting story set in different historical periods. Brilliantly written and researched. Christine Hayes - Where the Crawdads Sing, just beautiful. Sandra Moores - All That's Left Unsaid by Tracey Lien. A great debut based in Cabramatta, very compelling read. Greg Cudmore - 'To Alpha From Omega'. Although very much Australian, its themes are universal. Denise Zephyr - The Days I Loved You Most. Such a beautiful story and a beautiful ending. Marie Chong - Minding Frankie by Maeve Binchy. I love all her books, she tells a good story. Yvonne Bercov - The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, couldn’t put it down. Image credits: Shutterstock

Books

What does a good death look like when you’re really old and ready to go?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/naomi-richards-182120">Naomi Richards</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-glasgow-1269">University of Glasgow</a> <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/hawaii-legalizes-assisted-suicide_us_5ac6c6f5e4b0337ad1e621fb">Hawaii</a> recently joined the growing number of states and countries where doctor-assisted dying is legal. In these jurisdictions, help to die is rarely extended to those who don’t have a terminal illness. Yet, increasingly, very old people, without a terminal illness, who feel that they have lived too long, are arguing that they also have a right to such assistance. Media coverage of <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2018/05/09/this-104-year-old-plans-to-die-tomorrow-and-hopes-to-change-views-on-assisted-suicide/?utm_term=.b00a9036f9bc">David Goodall</a>, the 104-year-old Australian scientist who travelled to Switzerland for assisted dying, demonstrates the level of public interest in ethical dilemmas at the <a href="https://www.bmj.com/content/361/bmj.k1891.full">extremities of life</a>. Goodall wanted to die because he no longer enjoyed life. Shortly before his death, he told reporters that he spends most of his day just sitting. “What’s the use of that?” he asked. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953615002889?via%3Dihub">Research</a> shows that life can be a constant struggle for the very old, with social connections hard to sustain and health increasingly fragile. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25982088">Studies</a> looking specifically at the motivation for assisted dying among the very old show that many feel a deep sense of loneliness, tiredness, an inability to express their individuality by taking part in activities that are important to them, and a hatred of dependency. Of the jurisdictions where assisted dying is legal, some make suffering the determinant (Canada, for example). Others require a prognosis of six months (California, for example). Mainly, though, the focus is on people who have a terminal illness because it is seen as less of an ethical problem to hasten the death of someone who is already dying than someone who is simply tired of life. <h2>Why give precedence to physical suffering?</h2> Assisted dying for people with psychological or existential reasons for wanting to end their life is unlikely to be supported by doctors because it is not objectively verifiable and also potentially remediable. In the Netherlands, despite the legal power to offer assistance where there is no life-limiting illness, doctors are <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25693947">seldom convinced</a> of the unbearable nature of non-physical suffering, and so will rarely administer a lethal dose in such cases. Although doctors may look to a physical diagnosis to give them confidence in their decision to hasten a patient’s death, physical symptoms are often not mentioned by the people they are assisting. Instead, the most common reason given by those who have received help to die is <a href="https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMms1700606">loss of autonomy</a>. Other common reasons are to avoid burdening others and not being able to enjoy one’s life – the exact same reason given by Goodall. This suggests that requests from people with terminal illness, and from those who are just very old and ready to go, are not as different as both the law – and doctors’ interpretation of the law – claim them to be. <h2>Sympathetic coverage</h2> It seems that the general public does not draw a clear distinction either. Most of the media coverage of Goodall’s journey to Switzerland was sympathetic, to the dismay of <a href="http://www.carenotkilling.org.uk/press-releases/centenarians-assisted-suicide/">opponents</a> of assisted dying. Media reports about <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2014/sep/02/mary-berry-great-british-bake-off-centenarian-assisted-dying">ageing celebrities</a> endorsing assisted dying in cases of both terminal illness and very old age, blur the distinction still further. One of the reasons for this categorical confusion is that, at root, this debate is about what a good death looks like, and this doesn’t rely on prognosis; it relies on <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01459740.2016.1255610">personality</a>. And, it’s worth remembering, the personalities of the very old are as diverse as those of the very young. Discussion of assisted suicide often focuses on concerns that some older people may be exposed to coercion by carers or family members. But older people also play another role in this debate. They make up the rank and file <a href="http://www.ep.liu.se/ej/ijal/2012/v7/i1/a01/ijal12v7i1a01.pdf">activists</a> of the global right-to-die movement. In this conflict of rights, protectionist impulses conflict with these older activists’ demands to die on their own terms and at a time of their own choosing. In light of the <a href="https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/worlds-older-population-grows-dramatically">unprecedented ageing</a> of the world’s population and increasing longevity, it is important to think about what a good death looks like in deep old age. In an era when more jurisdictions are passing laws to permit doctor-assisted dying, the choreographed death of a 104-year-old, who died listening to Ode to Joy after enjoying a last fish supper, starts to look like a socially approved good death.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/96589/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/naomi-richards-182120">Naomi Richards</a>, Lecturer in Social Science (End of Life Studies), <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-glasgow-1269">University of Glasgow</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-does-a-good-death-look-like-when-youre-really-old-and-ready-to-go-96589">original article</a>.

Caring

Humans evolved to share beds – how your sleeping companions may affect you now

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/goffredina-spano-2240566">Goffredina Spanò</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/kingston-university-949">Kingston University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gina-mason-2240569">Gina Mason</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/brown-university-1276">Brown University</a> <a href="https://www.cell.com/trends/ecology-evolution/fulltext/S0169-5347(24)00176-9">Recent research</a> on animal sleep behaviour has revealed that sleep is influenced by the animals around them. Olive baboons, for instance, sleep less as group sizes increase, while mice can synchronise their rapid eye movement (REM) cycles. In western society, many people expect to sleep alone, if not with a romantic partner. But as with other group-living animals, human co-sleeping is common, despite some <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945710000377">cultural</a> and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352721820303053?via%3Dihub">age-related variation</a>. And in many cultures, bedsharing with a relative is considered typical. Apart from <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945710000377">western countries</a>, caregiver-infant co-sleeping is common, with rates as high as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079216000265">60-100%</a> in parts of South America, Asia and Africa. Despite its prevalence, infant co-sleeping is controversial. Some western perspectives, that value self-reliance, argue that sleeping alone promotes self-soothing when the baby wakes in the night. But <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00221325.2021.1905599">evolutionary scientists argue</a> that co-sleeping has been important to help keep infants warm and safe throughout human existence. <a href="https://www.sleephealthjournal.org/article/S2352-7218(22)00077-8/abstract">Many cultures</a> do not expect babies to self-soothe when they wake in the night and see night wakings as a normal part of breastfeeding <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1389945713002220?via%3Dihub">and development</a>. Concerns about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Sids) have often led paediatricians to discourage bed-sharing. However, when studies control for <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0107799">other Sids risk factors</a> including unsafe sleeping surfaces, Sids risk does not seem to differ statistically between co-sleeping and solitary sleeping infants. This may be one reason why agencies such as the <a href="https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057990/188304/Sleep-Related-Infant-Deaths-Updated-2022?autologincheck=redirected">American Academy of Pediatrics</a>, the <a href="https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/qs37/chapter/Quality-statement-5-Safer-practices-for-bed-sharing">National Institute for Health and Care Excellence</a> and the <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/">NHS</a> either <a href="https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057990/188304/Sleep-Related-Infant-Deaths-Updated-2022">recommend that</a> infants “sleep in the parents’ room, close to the parents’ bed, but on a separate surface,” or, if bedsharing, to make sure that the infant <a href="https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/qs37/chapter/Quality-statement-5-Safer-practices-for-bed-sharing">“sleeps on a firm, flat mattress”</a> without pillows and duvets, rather than discouraging co-sleeping altogether. Researchers don’t yet know whether co-sleeping causes differences in sleep or, whether co-sleeping happens because of these differences. However, experiments in the 1990s suggested that co-sleeping can <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.20736">encourage more sustained and frequent bouts of breastfeeding</a>. Using sensors to measure brain activity, this research also suggested that infants’ and caregivers’ sleep may be lighter during co-sleeping. But researchers speculated that this lighter sleep may actually <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1905599">help protect against Sids</a> by providing infants more opportunities to rouse from sleep and develop better control over their respiratory system. Other advocates believe that co-sleeping <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0163638319301237">benefits infants’ emotional and mental health</a> by promoting parent-child bonding and aiding infants’ <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3109/10253890.2012.742057">stress hormone regulation</a>. However, current data is inconclusive, with most studies showing <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0163638319301249?via%3Dihub">mixed findings</a> or <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14616734.2024.2380427">no differences</a> between co-sleepers and solitary sleepers with respect to short and long-term mental health. <h2>Co-sleeping in childhood</h2> Childhood co-sleeping past infancy is also fairly common according to <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945713011076?via%3Dihub">worldwide surveys</a>. A <a href="https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/126/5/e1119/65347/Relationship-Between-Bed-Sharing-and-Breastfeeding">2010 survey</a> of over 7,000 UK families found 6% of children were constant bedsharers up to at least four years old. Some families adopt co-sleeping <a href="https://capmh.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13034-023-00607-w">in response to</a> their child having trouble sleeping. But child-parent bedsharing in many countries, including some western countries <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-6712.2005.00358.x">like Sweden</a> where children often co-sleep with parents until school age, is viewed culturally as part of a nurturing environment. It is also common for siblings to share a room or even a bed. A <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1916732">2021 US study</a> found that over 36% of young children aged three to five years bedshared in some form overnight, whether with caregivers, siblings, pets or some combination. Co-sleeping decreases but is still present among older children, with up to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/fare.12955">13.8% of co-sleeping parents</a> in Australia, the UK and other countries reporting that their child was between five and 12 years old when they engaged in co-sleeping. Two recent US studies using wrist-worn actigraphs (motion sensors) to track sleep indicated that kids who bedshare may have <a href="https://jcsm.aasm.org/doi/10.5664/jcsm.11352">shorter sleep durations</a> than children who sleep alone. But this shorter sleep duration <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1916732">is not explained by</a> greater disruption during sleep. Instead, bedsharing children may lose sleep by <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00221325.2021.1916732">going to bed later than</a> solitary sleepers. The benefits and downsides of co-sleeping may also differ in children with conditions such as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945717303842">autism spectrum disorder</a>, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10802-017-0387-1">mental health disorders</a> and <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/dmcn.13300">chronic illnesses</a>. These children may experience heightened anxiety, sensory sensitivities and physical discomfort that make falling and staying asleep difficult. For them, co-sleeping can provide <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11325-018-1710-y">reassurance</a>. <h2>Adults sharing beds</h2> According to <a href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/NSF_Bedroom_Poll_Report_1.pdf">a 2018 survey</a> from the US National Sleep Foundation, 80-89% of adults who live with their significant other share a bed with them. Adult bedsharing has shifted over time from pre-industrial <a href="https://academic.oup.com/ahr/article-abstract/106/2/343/64370?redirectedFrom=fulltext">communal arrangements</a>, including whole families and other household guests, to <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jdh/article-abstract/23/3/275/359439?redirectedFrom=fulltext">solo sleeping</a> in response to hygiene concerns as germ theory became accepted. Many couples find that bedsharing boosts their <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1978364/">sense of closeness</a>. Research shows that bedsharing with your partner can lead to <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1155/2017/8140672">longer sleep times</a> and a <a href="https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article-abstract/17/4/308/2753131">feeling of better sleep</a> overall. Bedsharing couples also often <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.00583/full">get into sync</a> with each other’s sleep stages, which can enhance that feeling of intimacy. However, it’s not all rosy. Some studies indicate that females in heterosexual relationships may struggle more with sleep quality when bedsharing, as they can be <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1111/j.1479-8425.2007.00320.x">more easily disturbed</a> by their male partner’s movements. Also, bedsharers can have less <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27624285/">deep sleep</a> than when sleeping alone, even though they feel like their sleep is better together. Many questions about co-sleeping remain unanswered. For instance, we don’t fully understand the developmental effects of co-sleeping on children, or the benefits of co-sleeping for adults beyond female-male romantic partners. But, some work suggests that co-sleeping can <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11325-018-1710-y">comfort us</a>, similar to other <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jsr.14174">forms of social contact</a>, and help to enhance <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.20736">physical synchrony</a> between parents and children. Co-sleeping doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all answer. But remember that western norms aren’t necessarily the ones we have evolved with. So consider factors such as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945716301265">sleep disorders</a>, health and age in your decision to co-sleep, rather than what everyone else is doing.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/241803/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/goffredina-spano-2240566">Goffredina Spanò</a>, Lecturer in Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/kingston-university-949">Kingston University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gina-mason-2240569">Gina Mason</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow in Psychiatry and Human Behaviour, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/brown-university-1276">Brown University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/humans-evolved-to-share-beds-how-your-sleeping-companions-may-affect-you-now-241803">original article</a>.

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Readers response: Have you ever seen or met a member of the royal family during one of their visits?

When the royal family make one of their special, dedicated visits to Australia, some royal fans are lucky enough to catch a glimpse, or even have an interaction with them. We asked our readers if they have ever seen or met a member of the royal family, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Mike Rogerson - I saw the Queen and Prince Phillip on the Princes Highway at Blakehurst, NSW. They were on their way to Wollongong, NSW. We were a group of Blakehurst primary school children on the side of the road in 1954. I was eight at the time. Lorraine Strand - First saw the Queen when the country school kids travelled by train to Adelaide. Then again in Darwin, when she was visiting houses built after Cyclone Tracy. On a more recent visit by the royals, my husband and I attended the same St Paul’s Anglican Church Service in Canberra as the Queen and Prince Phillip. Annette Maree - I saw the Queen when she was driven past my house in the 1960’s. She was stunning. I clearly remember her wave, her smile, and her “peaches and cream” complexion. It was one of those flashbulb moments that stays in your mind forever. Glenda Grange - Yes in 1983 I saw Diana and Charles. They attended a royal command performance in Melbourne. I received a formal gilt edge invitation and was one person away from them. I was invited as a bush fire victim of Ash Wednesday. Elaine Smith - I haven’t but my mum and grandpa did, in 1954 when she came to our small country town of Red Cliffs, VIC. My grandpa and mum were on a special platform with aged residents of country towns, even got to shake hands with her. I was in the crowd with my girl guide group. Gary Johnson - 1970 when I was in first year high school we went to Perth airport to see Prince Phillip arrive. I had a school blazer on and Prince Phillip came over and asked what school I was from. If it wasn't for my mum forcing me to wear it, I wouldn't have that great memory. Janice Yvonne Colman - Not in Australia, but in the UK when they passed by our village on way to a county close by. My brother & I got the royal waves as we stood on the side of the road! We were quite thrilled as we were only 14 & 12 at the time. Jean Bryant - I saw Princess Margaret back in the 50's when she visited a British Air Force base in Germany. Ian Hewitt - Yes! At NSW Government house in 1992. It was an honour to us to personally meet their majesties. Image credits: Shutterstock

Domestic Travel

Is thirst a good predictor of dehydration?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-ball-14718">Lauren Ball</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kiara-too-2243669">Kiara Too</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> Water is essential for daily functioning and health, and we can only survive <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2908954/">a few days</a> without it. Yet we constantly lose water through sweat, urination and even evaporation when we breathe. This is why we <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5957508/">have evolved</a> a way to regulate and maintain water in our bodies. Like other animals, our survival relies on a strong biological drive that tells us to find and drink water to balance fluid loss. This is thirst – a sensation of dryness in the mouth signalling we need to have a drink. This <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5957508/">basic physiological mechanism</a> is controlled mainly by part of the brain’s “control centre”, called the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK535380/#:%7E:text=The%20hypothalamus%20is%20the%20region,and%20the%20control%20of%20appetite.">receives signals</a> from various regions of the body and in return, releases hormones that act as a messenger to signal the thirst sensation. <h2>What is dehydration?</h2> Staying hydrated (having enough water in our bodies) is important for <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2908954/">several reasons</a>, including: <ul> <li>regulating body temperature through sweat and respiration</li> <li>lubricating joints and eyes</li> <li>preventing infections</li> <li>digesting and absorbing nutrients</li> <li>flushing out waste (via the kidneys)</li> <li>preventing constipation</li> <li>brain function (including memory and concentration)</li> <li>mood and energy levels</li> <li>physical performance and recovery from exercise</li> <li>skin health.</li> </ul> Dehydration occurs when our body doesn’t have enough water. Even slight drops in fluid levels have <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2908954/">noticeable consequences</a>, such as headaches, feeling dizzy, lethargy and struggling to concentrate. <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4874113/">Chronic dehydration</a> can pose more serious health risks, including urinary tract infections, constipation and kidney stones. <h2>What does the evidence say?</h2> Despite thirst being one of the most basic biological drivers for good hydration, science suggests our feelings of thirst and subsequent fluid intake don’t always correlate with hydration levels. For example, a <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2072-6643/16/18/3212">recent study</a> explored the impact of thirst on fluid intake and hydration status. Participants attended a lab in the morning and then later in the afternoon to provide markers of hydration status (such as urine, blood samples and body weight). The relationship between levels of thirst in the morning and afternoon hydration status was negligible. Further, thirst may be driven by environmental factors, such as access to water. For example, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0031938484901549">one study</a> looked at whether ample access to water in a lab influenced how much people drank and how hydrated they were. The link between how thirsty they felt and how hydrated they were was weak, suggesting the availability of water influenced their fluid intake more than thirst. Exercise can also <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6893511/">change our thirst mechanism</a>, though studies are limited at this stage. Interestingly, research shows women experience thirst more strongly than men, regardless of hydration status. To understand <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2475299123148852">gender differences in thirst</a>, researchers infused men and women with fluids and then measured their thirst and how hydrated they were. They found women generally reported thirst at a lower level of fluid loss. Women have also been found to respond more <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2072-6643/16/18/3212">to feeling thirsty</a> by drinking more water. <h2>Other ways to tell if you need to drink some water</h2> While acknowledging some people will need to drink more or less, for <a href="https://theconversation.com/dont-like-drinking-plain-water-10-healthy-ideas-for-staying-hydrated-this-summer-191859">many people</a>, eight cups (or two litres) a day is a good amount of water to aim for. But beyond thirst, there are many other ways to tell whether you might need to drink more water. 1. urine colour: pale yellow urine typically indicates good hydration, while darker, concentrated urine suggests dehydration 2. frequency of going to the toilet: <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK291/">urinating regularly</a> (around four to six times a day) indicates good hydration. Infrequent urination can signal dehydration 3. skin turgor test: gently <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/skin-turgor#test">pinching the skin</a> (for example, on the back of the hand) and observing how quickly the skin returns to its normal position can help assess hydration. Slow return may indicate dehydration 4. mouth and lips: a dry mouth or cracked lips can be early signs of dehydration 5. headaches and fatigue: frequent headaches, dizziness, or unexplained fatigue can be <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07853890.2019.1628352">signs of inadequate hydration</a> 6. sweating: in physically active people, monitoring how much they sweat during activity can help estimate fluid loss and hydration needs. Higher levels of sweat may predispose a person to dehydration if they are unable to replace the fluid lost through water intake These indicators, used together, provide a more comprehensive picture of hydration without solely depending on the sensation of thirst. Of course, if you do feel thirsty, it’s still a good idea to drink some water.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/242194/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-ball-14718">Lauren Ball</a>, Professor of Community Health and Wellbeing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kiara-too-2243669">Kiara Too</a>, PhD candidate, School of Human Movement and Nutrition Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-thirst-a-good-predictor-of-dehydration-242194">original article</a>.

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How do children learn good manners?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Ensuring kids have manners is a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">perennial preoccupation</a> for parents and caregivers. How, then, do you teach good manners to children? Modelling good manners around the home and in your own interaction with others is obviously crucial. But there’s a clear <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">uniting theme</a> when it comes to manners in Australia: in Australian English, good manners centre on honouring personal autonomy, egalitarianism and not appearing to tell people what to do. <h2>Which manners matter most in Australia?</h2> Some of the most important manners in Australian English are behavioural edicts that focus on particular speech acts: greeting, requesting, thanking and apologising. These speech acts have a <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074/179857">set of words</a> associated with them: <ul> <li>hello</li> <li>hi</li> <li>may I please…?</li> <li>could I please…?</li> <li>thank you</li> <li>ta</li> <li>sorry</li> <li>excuse me.</li> </ul> Good manners make people feel comfortable in social situations by adding predictability and reassurance. They can act as signposts in interactions. Anglo cultures place a lot of weight on <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216612001014">egalitarianism</a>, personal autonomy and ensuring we don’t <a href="https://www.google.com.au/books/edition/English/d-d5AAAAIAAJ?hl=en">tell people what to do</a>. If you want to get someone to do something for you – pass you a pen, for example – you frame the request as a question to signal that you’re not telling them what to do. You’ll also add one of the main characters in Anglo politeness: the magic word, “<a href="https://www.academia.edu/20312114/Lige_a_Danish_magic_word_An_ethnopragmatic_analysis">please</a>”. This framing recognises you don’t expect or demand compliance. You’re acknowledging the other person as an autonomous individual who can do what they want. If the person does the thing you’ve asked, the next step is to say “thank you” to recognise the other person’s autonomy. You’re acknowledging they didn’t have to help just because you asked. <h2>The heavy hitters</h2> The words “please” and “thank you” are such heavy hitters in Australian English good manners, they’re two of the words that language learners and migrants <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/10408340308518247?needAccess=true">learn first</a>. They can help soften the impact of your words. Think, for example, of the difference between “no” and “no, thank you”. Of course, there are times when “no” is a full sentence. But what if someone offered you a cup of tea and you replied “no” without its concomitant “thank you” to soften your rejection and acknowledge this offer didn’t have to be made? Don’t be surprised if they think you sound a bit rude. The other big players in Australian English good manners are “sorry” and “excuse me”. Much like in <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BZ1Eid0gnLV/">British English</a>, the Australian “sorry” means many things. These can preface an intrusion on someone’s personal space, like before squeezing past someone in the cinema, or on someone’s speaking turn. Interrupting or talking over someone else is often heavily frowned on in Australian English because it is often interpreted as disregarding what the other person has to say. But in some cultures, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0346251X14001365">such as French</a>, this conversational style is actively encouraged. And some languages and cultures <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S038800011830069X?via%3Dihub">have different conventions</a> around what good manners look like around strangers versus with family. Good manners involve saying certain words in predictable contexts. But knowing what these are and when to use them demonstrates a deeper cultural awareness of what behaviours are valued. <h2>How do children learn manners?</h2> As part of my <a href="https://tidsskrift.dk/sss/article/view/135074">research</a>, I’ve analysed parenting forum posts about “good manners”. Some believe good manners should be effortless; one parent said: <blockquote> Good manners shouldn’t be something that a child has to think about […] teach them correctly at home from day one, manners become an integral part of the way they view things. </blockquote> Another forum user posited good modelling was the key, saying: <blockquote> the parent has to lead by example, rather than forcing a child to say one or the other. </blockquote> One <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38777043/">study</a>, which involved analysis of more than 20 hours of videorecorded family dinner interactions collected in Italy, found mealtimes are also sites where parents control their children’s conduct “through the micro-politics of good manners.” <blockquote> By participating in mealtime interactions, children witness and have the chance to acquire the specific cultural principles governing bodily conduct at the table, such as ‘sitting properly’, ‘eating with cutlery’, and ‘chewing with mouth closed’. Yet, they are also socialised to a foundational principle of human sociality: one’s own behavior must be self-monitored according to the perspective of the generalised Other. </blockquote> In Australian English, that means regulating your behaviour to make sure you don’t do something that could be seen as “rude”. As I argued in a 2012 <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216612000410">paper</a>: <blockquote> While child socialisation in Anglo culture involves heavy discouragement of rudeness, French does not have a direct equivalent feature […] French children are taught ça ne se fait pas, ‘that is not done’. Where the French proscribe the behaviours outright, the Anglos […] appeal to the image one has of oneself in interpersonal interactions. </blockquote> In Anglo English, the penalties for breaches could be other people’s disapproval and hurting their feelings. <h2>Why are good manners important?</h2> Good manners affect our interactions with others and help us build positive relationships. Fourteenth century English bishop and educator, William of Wykeham, declared that “<a href="https://www.oxfordreference.com/display/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803100131244#:%7E:text=Manners%20maketh%20man%20proverbial%20saying,Winchester%20and%20chancellor%20of%20England">manners maketh the man</a>”. John Hopkins University Professor <a href="https://ii.library.jhu.edu/2018/12/11/in-memory-of-p-m-forni-the-case-for-civility-in-the-classroom-and-beyond/">Pier Forni</a> called them a “precious life-improvement tool.” The “Good Manners” <a href="https://education.qld.gov.au/about-us/history/history-topics/good-manners-chart">chart</a>, based on a set of rules devised by the Children’s National guild of Courtesy in UK primary schools in 1889, was issued to Queensland primary schools until the 1960s. It tells kids to remember the golden rule to “always do to others as you would wish them to do to you if you were in their place.” Good manners form part of the bedrock for human sociality. Childhood is when we give kids foundational training on interacting with others and help them learn how to be a culturally competent member of a society.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/237133/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophia-waters-501831">Sophia Waters</a>, Senior Lecturer in Writing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-do-children-learn-good-manners-237133">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Readers response: What’s one thing you wish you had known before retiring?

When it comes time to retire, there are always things we wish we knew first before entering our golden years. We asked our readers what they wish they knew before retiring, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Margaret Walsh - As long as you are fit and active, it's great. Just don't get crook or disabled, it sucks. Judi Bradshaw - I retired 9 times and kept going back to work as I didn't find myself ready to stop work, but finally retired at 73. Took awhile to adjust but now 75 and full time travellers, just loving life. Marcus von Moger - How good it was going to be. Chris Bailey - How boring it is, I’d go back to work in a heartbeat if I could. Ellen Fowler - That the government would keep changing the rules. Michael L Carrigg - Just how long it takes dealing with government departments that clearly are understaffed, especially in the front line service areas. Jim Burgess - Finding reasonably priced accommodation. Nicol Kyriakidou - That it would be so great! Having the whole day to yourself. Taking it easy, meeting friends, going shopping. Doing everything at your leisure. Gaye Johnson - You never get a day off!!! David Brown - How good it is. I should have retired 20 years earlier. Image credits: Shutterstock

Retirement Life

Readers response: What celebrity do you think would make a great friend, and why?

When it comes to celebrities, everyone has their favourites, their crushes, and those they'd rather steer clear of. We asked our readers what celebrity they think they would be good friends with, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Judy Yannopoulos - Keanu Reeves. A true honest person with a good heart. Jenny Maclean - Steven Fry. He’s honest and kind and so very intelligent. Jeff-Lyn Bloom - Tom Hanks. He is so down to earth. Doesn’t put on airs. Jan Totti - John Farnham, because he’s down to earth and there’s no pretences. He seems just a lovely honest person. He’s an amazing Australian singer. Caz McDougall - Michael Sheen and David Tennant. Karen Maberly - Judi Dench. Seems like a good communicator, sharp mind and full of fun, and not full of herself!! Cheryl Cunningham - Denzel Washington. Totally honest and decent human. Rhonda Moffitt - Maggie Beer. She treasures family & others. Always smiling, Maggie I think would be great company. Lisa Drury Hudson - Audrey Hepburn, for her compassion, strength, fighting for children's rights and empathy. What a loss. Bob Wilkinson - Hugh Jackson and Chris Hemsworth as they both seem like down to earth nice people. Image credits: Shutterstock

Relationships

Five reasons why owning a pet is good for us

With more pets than people, Australians have one of the world’s highest pet ownership rates with 62% of us owning at least one pet. And if you’re wondering why we’re so pet mad, research has shown the benefits include companionship, improved mental wellbeing, lower stress and better heart health. <ol> <li>Pets protect us from loneliness</li> </ol> We see our pet as part of the family. Their unconditional (and non-judgemental) love provides us companionship and help to lower stress and anxiety. Interacting with your pet increases feelings of social support and elevates mood. Dog walking increases opportunities for social interaction. When walking outside, fellow dog walkers love to say hello and introduce themselves and their dog to you. Some cafes and restaurants and hotels are dog-friendly venues too. When travelling alone, it’s wonderful to be able to take your furry companion with you. <ol start="2"> <li>Pets are good for our mental and physical well-being</li> </ol> Pet ownership brings responsibility and the need for skills to know how to best take care of them. These skills will extend to other animals, and other people. Children who have pets develop better social skills when interacting with their friends. Dog owners enjoy lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol levels and less heart disease. While owning a dog is not fully protective, the benefit of all those dog walks are they keep you fitter, healthier and less stressed. If you are unlucky enough to have a heart attack, your long-term survival rate is assisted by having a dog. While interacting with a pet for 10-12 minutes will lower your blood pressure. One of the joys of owning a pet, is the pleasure they provide, and the feeling is mutual. Gazing into the eyes of your beloved pooch, boosts levels of oxytocin our bonding molecule. Our long-standing human-dog relationship was established over 30,000 years ago. Patting or stroking our pets is soothing, especially their silky ears. This is relaxing and how delightful is it when your pet reciprocates with loud purring or offers their tummy for a rub? <ol start="3"> <li>Pets are good for our immune system</li> </ol> You’ve probably heard about your gut microbiome that’s important to keep you healthy. Being a pet owner provides you a healthier microbiome and more robust immune system by promoting more of the beneficial bacteria and lowering the level of harmful, or pathogenic bacteria in our gut. Not only that, stroking your pet raises levels of immunoglobulin A in your body that forms a physical barrier in the gut to protect you against potential invading pathogens. In addition, pregnant mums with a pet in the household are less likely to have infants with childhood allergies, asthma or obesity. <ol start="4"> <li>Pets help us cope better with pain and recovery from illness</li> </ol> Owning a pet has been shown to help manage chronic pain. Pets often sense when their owner isn’t well or in pain and will stay close by, which is very soothing. Watching our pets play and their antics can serve as a useful distraction to our struggles with pain or illness. Having your pet with you (when allowed) in a hospital setting is reassuring and can lift your mood. Animals can help in the work or learning environment. Some workplaces have an office pet policy where you’re allowed to have you pet stay with you while you work. This has been shown to be great for boosting staff morale, collaboration and overall happiness, while keeping work stress lower. <ol start="5"> <li>Pets help us better manage our own self-care</li> </ol> Self-care is always important to stay fit and healthy but isn’t something we always find easy to do. This is where taking responsibility for a pet can help. Teenagers with type one diabetes when given goldfish to care for, did better in monitoring their own blood sugar levels, while having a pet have also been shown to help younger students stay focused and on task, and achieve higher academic results. Pets enrich our lives in so many ways from improved mental well-being to lower stress, elevated mood and greater social support. Whatever type of pet you choose, remember the benefits will work both ways. Dr Jenny Brockis is a board-certified lifestyle medicine physician, workplace health and well-being consultant, and author of The Natural Advantage (Major Street Publishing). www.drjennybrockis.com Image credits: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Unlike Britain’s royal family, most of us don’t have the option to move to another country when we don’t see eye to eye. But most of us have likely experienced disagreements with loved ones. <a href="https://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/soc/faculty/heritage/Site/Publications_files/CA_as_SOCIAL_THEORY.pdf">Conversations are designed to</a> do things – to start some action, and complete it – whether it’s a service transaction, an invitation to coffee or reassurance on a bad day. Our <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZnhyDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false">uniquely complex communicative system</a> has evolved to help us get things done in the social world. Arguments are part of this complex system. They can be unavoidable, necessary or even productive. But they can also be difficult. It can be hard to know what to do when tensions are high and harsh words are flying, particularly when it involves someone you’re close to. But research on how disputes unfold – and conversation more generally – offers some ideas about the best way to handle one. <h2>What is a dispute?</h2> There are many words for disagreeing, and there are plenty of academic theories describing what disputes are and why they happen. But arguments are not abstract models. They’re lived in, breathed in, sweated in and talked (or sometimes shouted) into being. Research focusing on <a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/288351315.pdf">how disputes actually happen</a> shows they’re characterised by three types of features. First are the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606000488">vocal features</a>, which include talking in a higher pitch, louder and faster. Then, there are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1750481310395452?casa_token=MCNQWEQD6HwAAAAA:8nbyXh-cgjWzfL3syRrwybRFQl_ddHIMy9tRIAwPRAFADrgHtR2LSl9ZoUFsVlnzWPjWaKQZZ9XEVA">embodied features</a> such as aggressive gestures and avoidant stances, such as turning away from someone. Finally, there are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/01638539009544746?casa_token=BB9edpIE1oUAAAAA:FTK-JRJ2oCmG7BufkUAQX1k1_9C1Cvc12r5ynYPM6duFB-HDWhgef8Va-Rh5Z2XksR64oTcPmi4FAQ">interactional features</a> such as talking over each other, not listening or metatalk – <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=isJl2NJbSIkAAAAA:Mh-dXMfkBSGvEeoOWAoxLDjzbZ_eF-zbND-D8q4RAP5WHadqg1KUZDF_UnySFAcyb3LD-DF3BbGq1A">comments about the conversation</a> as it’s happening. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1354067X9953001?casa_token=Gje17vkyg_AAAAAA:ik_4Ze-4PIFLa6yjthOpztvJrtdVOokhRT73M8jDN4t1w0Bl7WzW2--d1vjZwanphorOH_r6jaVZdA">Displays of emotion</a> such as displeasure or anger, are also common. Participants might accuse each other of emotions or label their own emotions. Disputes happen for several reasons. What each person is doing can vary, from <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.530.8869&rep=rep1&type=pdf">complaints and accusations</a> to <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1348/014466610X500791?casa_token=r58ikQ5XFxEAAAAA:QR9wr0Fcz7q5BeSvL8soAIhKMNA1O9TcpcBaLleBKDvZ8Q5sPyX1OSg0OzSL5-xb8By5QbgNm9kHNhg">demands, threats or resistance</a>. They can be about many things – familial obligations, what to have for dinner, politics or how to plan a holiday. Luckily, disputes share elements <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2NxaC7nSetAC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false">with each other</a> and with conversation generally – so you don’t have to invent new strategies every time you’re caught in one. <h2>Affiliation and alignment</h2> When bickering with a friend or family member, there are ways to make them feel like you’re still on their side even if you disagree. If you can keep these in mind, and use them at the right time, you might stop your dispute from escalating into something harder to mend. The first thing is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781405198431.wbeal0196.pub2">affiliation</a>, which means support for the other person or their view of things. Affiliation involves phrasing what you say so it’s best <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351810903471258?casa_token=yxnWxfDAEB8AAAAA:uoHEX2dlOS06wxwlHH7TOWmmfB51qMMbzg5tadx5SeRcf_5-vABUKQZtIt0Hchu4vUlFNfCX4qRi5A">understood and easier to respond to</a>. For example, saying “you’ve been to France before, right?” invites someone to share their experience – partly by including the tag “right” at the end, which at least requires a confirmation. It can also involve categorisation, the way we talk about or treat others as <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF00142771.pdf">certain types or group members</a>. For example, if you reduce the other person to a stereotype through labelling – by saying something like “girls always say stuff like that” or “OK, boomer” – you risk provoking a response to the insult, not to the action in which that insult was embedded. The second thing we expect from any conversation is alignment – cooperating with the direction of the conversation, such as accepting or denying a request. The opposite, disalignment, might occur when a request is ignored. Alignment has more to do with the sequence of the conversation, how the dispute unfolds over time. Asking for clarification – a practice known as <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0136100">repair</a> – or <a href="https://www.jbe-platform.com/content/journals/10.1075/prag.27.1.03rob?crawler=true">claiming a misunderstanding</a> can treat problems as fixable errors rather than moral failings or attacks. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0261927X17744244">Humour can diffuse</a> conflict escalation. <h2>How to have a healthy dispute</h2> In the course of a dispute, you need to think about when to bring these tactics out. They’re more likely to yield better outcomes earlier in the dispute. By the time it’s escalated, your responses may be viewed through the prism of the dispute and <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=eFSXDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT200&ots=6tM3fJnXr1&sig=Zchtur1abh25W7ERN5Q49ASRaJc#v=onepage&q&f=false">any offensiveness</a> you’ve already displayed toward each other. In cases like this, teasing can come across as contempt, for example, and claims to misunderstand as bad-faith mockery. It can feel like disputes take on a life of their own – as if the conversation uses us rather than we use it – and this is partly because conversation can seemingly take us along for the ride (consider the difficulty of turning down invitations). We invest our identities into conversations so disputes can seem to threaten us and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=1SbOpn_2k8MAAAAA:YQ2Yb9nt-ONsmBKmVzTCx8cfl76bS5nK6_Yd8zONBVJFdJ57vwgdBDJxsXfk0aUOhilRQAF-ABA">what we stand for</a> morally. This may be starker with family, whose opinions of us often matter more than friends or colleagues, for example. It’s always worth stopping to reflect on what a dispute is really for, whether what you’re saying lines up with your goals and whether taking a stand is worth it.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159565/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/arguing-with-the-people-you-love-how-to-have-a-healthy-family-dispute-159565">original article</a>.

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Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute