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The royals have historically been tight-lipped about their health – but that never stopped the gossip

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-j-hackett-458612">Lisa J. Hackett</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/huw-nolan-1309470">Huw Nolan</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jo-coghlan-1585">Jo Coghlan</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> King Charles III has been diagnosed with cancer. This is an unexpected announcement: it is unusual for the royal family to release details of medical conditions to the public. “<a href="https://journal.media-culture.org.au/index.php/mcjournal/article/view/2986">Don’t let the daylight in</a>” was how British essayist Walter Bagehot advised the British monarchy to deal with the public in 1867. “[A]bove all things our royalty is to be reverenced […] its mystery is its life,” he wrote. For Queen Elizabeth II this attitude framed her response to public information about the royals, quipping “<a href="https://www.news24.com/you/royals/news/royal-author-explains-queens-never-complain-never-explain-mantra-20220620">never complain, never explain</a>”. Maybe this explains why Princess Kate’s <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/05/king-charles-diagnosed-with-cancer-buckingham-palace-announces">recent abdominal surgery</a> has not been disclosed to the public, with media reports saying she is “determined to keep her medical details private”. In revealing the fragility of the royal body much of the mystique about them as anointed by God fades away. But the royals’ health has, occasionally, been the subject of official news, and, more commonly, the subject of gossip. <h2>Henry VIII’s ‘soore legge’</h2> Henry VIII’s (1491–1547) health was well-documented and discussed in state-papers and diplomatic dispatches of the day. In his early years, he was known for his robust health. In his later years, he would be described as “<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2789029/">cursed</a>” by his deteriorating health. As Henry aged, his access to fine food led to an increase of weight. Doctors today might diagnose him with obesity, and it has been <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2789029/">speculated by contemporary medical historians</a> he suffered from hypertension and Type II diabetes. This disease, which can lead to diabetic neuropathy and <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/library/features/healthy-feet.html">serious foot complications</a>, could account for the persistent and odorous ulcers on his “<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2789029/#:%7E:text=In%20the%20same%20year%20Henry,annual%20salary%20of%2020%20shillings.">sorre legge</a>”, as described by his contemporaries. Knowledge about Henry’s health was not widespread. The king had sequestered himself in his private apartments. Even his attending <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2388216/pdf/annrcse00840-0011.pdf">physicians did not keep notes</a>, perhaps concerned about being accused of treason in the volatile politics of the time. Most of our knowledge today is gleaned from diplomatic reports sent by diplomats to their own leaders. <h2>Queen Anne’s lupus</h2> Queen Anne (1665-1714) had 17 pregnancies, 11 of which resulted in miscarriages or stillbirths, with the remainder all dying in childhood. Despite the regularity of her failed pregnancies, her physician, John Radcliffe, repeatedly declared she was in good health and her miscarriages were due to “<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/j.1540-6563.1986.tb00702.x">the vapours</a>”, a vague diagnosis often attributed to aristocratic women. It is <a href="https://go.gale.com/ps/i.do?id=GALE%7CA12456274&sid=googleScholar&v=2.1&it=r&linkaccess=abs&issn=17592151&p=AONE&sw=w&userGroupName=anon%7Ee39109f7&aty=open-web-entry">now believed Anne</a> may have been afflicted with the autoimmune condition lupus. For Anne’s contemporaries, the name of the illness perhaps mattered less than the real political issue it presented: who would become monarch after her? With no heirs, there was real political fear her Catholic half-brother <a href="https://www.nottingham.ac.uk/manuscriptsandspecialcollections/learning/biographies/jamesfrancisedwardstuart(1688-1766).aspx">James Francis Edward Stuart</a> (“The Old Pretender”) would claim the throne. But the law <a href="https://www.parliament.uk/about/living-heritage/evolutionofparliament/parliamentaryauthority/revolution/collections1/parliamentary-collections/act-of-settlement/">excluded Catholics</a> from the taking the crown, and ensured Anne would be succeed by her second cousin, George I of Hanover and Britain. <h2>George III and mental illness</h2> George III (1738–1820) famously suffered from bouts of mental illness, more recently been speculated to be caused by <a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/porphyria">Porphyria</a>, a hereditary blood disorder. Throughout his illness <a href="https://blogs.ncl.ac.uk/speccoll/2023/11/01/bulletin-on-the-state-of-king-george-iiis-health-october-2011-2/">bulletins were issued</a> by his doctors informing the public of his condition. These were kept <a href="https://blogs.ncl.ac.uk/speccoll/2023/11/01/bulletin-on-the-state-of-king-george-iiis-health-october-2011-2/">deliberately vague</a>, with the aim to reassure the public rather than divulge details. His repeated bouts of illness mean his health was <a href="https://oro.open.ac.uk/92656/3/92656.pdf">a constant in the media of the time</a>, with frequent, at times twice-daily, updates during episodes. His illness called into <a href="https://oro.open.ac.uk/92656/3/92656.pdf">question his ability to be monarch</a>, a situation eventually resolved by the installing of his son, later George IV, as Prince Regent. <h2>A family of haemophilia</h2> Queen Victoria has been called the “<a href="https://hekint.org/2020/02/10/royal-blood-queen-victoria-and-the-legacy-of-hemophilia-in-european-royalty/?highlight=%E2%A3%82%E2%A3%9A%20Buy%20Viagra%20from%20%240.31%20per%20pill%20%3A%20%F0%9F%8F%A5%20www.LloydsPharmacy.xyz%20%F0%9F%8F%A5%20-%20Pharma%20without%20prescription%20%E2%A3%9A%E2%A3%82Viagra%20Cialis%20Levitra%20Staxyn%20Online%20Viagra%20Online%20Information">Grandmother of Europe</a>” due to her many descendants. This also came with a deadly legacy, haemophilia, given the moniker “the royal disease”. <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/hemophilia/facts.html">Haemophilia</a> is an inherited disorder which mostly affects males, where the blood does not clot properly. This can lead to severe or spontaneous bleeding which can be dangerous if not treated properly. While the illness can be managed well today, in Victoria’s time little was known about it. It is believed Victoria passed on the trait to <a href="https://www.hemophilia.org/bleeding-disorders-a-z/overview/history">three of her nine children</a>, at a time when life expectancy for those who had the disease was just 13 years old. Two of her daughters were asymptomatic carriers, however her fourth son Prince Leopold (1853-1884) was afflicted with the disease. While the royal family were careful to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21764831/">manage what information was publicly released</a> about his illness, his status meant it garnered public attention. It was covered in medical journals of the time, and later in newspapers. As knowledge of the illness grew, both the public and members of the royal family were able to use it to guide decisions on marriages to limit its spread. <h2>A new approach</h2> In the days leading up to Elizabeth’s death on 2022, the media reported her as resting “<a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/siladityaray/2022/09/08/queen-under-medical-supervision-as-doctors-are-concerned-for-her-health/?sh=42c483e9140e">comfortably</a>” and provided no information on the nature of her illness. Even her <a href="https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/News/queen-elizabeth-iis-death-revealed-death-certificate/story?id=90696648">death certificate</a> failed to reveal her cause of death, other than as old age. Charles has signalled he wants to do monarchy differently than his mother. After his recent prostate surgery, his office stated he wanted to inspire men to look after their prostates. Anecdotal evidence suggests more men have sought medical tests in response which is being called the “<a href="https://www.ausdoc.com.au/news/king-charles-effect-spurs-aussie-men-to-consult-their-gp-for-prostate-symptoms/">King Charles effect</a>”. Now, the announcement of Charles’s cancer diagnosis signals a new approach by the royals. <img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/222873/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-j-hackett-458612">Lisa J. Hackett</a>, Lecturer, Humanities, Arts and Social Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/huw-nolan-1309470">Huw Nolan</a>, Animal Welfare scientist and pop culture researcher, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jo-coghlan-1585">Jo Coghlan</a>, Associate Professor Humanities Arts and Social Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-new-england-919">University of New England</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-royals-have-historically-been-tight-lipped-about-their-health-but-that-never-stopped-the-gossip-222873">original article</a>.

Caring

4 ways to make gossip less toxic

Gossip gets a bad rap. There’s no doubt that the act of gossiping about someone can sometimes be damaging and negative. But there is such a thing as “good gossip” and the very act of gossiping can actually help the way we interact with each other. If we follow some simple steps we can take part in gossip without it ending in tears. Gossip is defined as talking about and evaluating someone when they aren’t there. But we can use gossip to learn about the rules of behaviour in social groups and get closer to each other. It helps us do this by letting us learn important information without the need to actually talk to every group member. So <a href="http://www.rotarybalilovina.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Dunbar%20gossip.pdf">gossiping is efficient</a> and those who gossip can use this social currency to gain <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1994-98161-013">positions of power</a>. But being a gossip also has a dark side. Gossips are generally viewed as <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Sally_Farley/publication/230486595_Is_gossip_power_The_inverse_relationships_between_gossip_power_and_likability/links/00b495310c2dc52ecf000000.pdf">unlikeable, untrustworthy and weak</a>. Even <a href="https://muse.jhu.edu/article/23570/summary">children as young as nine</a> regard those who spread information about other people as less likeable and less deserving of rewards. There is also evidence that gossiping may <a href="https://e-space.mmu.ac.uk/559453/1/ACCEPTED%20VERSION_Short%20term%20effects%20of%20gossip%20behavior%20on%20self-esteem.pdf">make us feel bad about ourselves</a>, regardless of whether what we have said is nasty or nice. And, of course, there are the consequences for the person you have gossiped about, who may suffer psychologically if they find out they were the target of gossip. Although the research on the group benefits of gossip suggests we need to keep gossiping, we need to do so with the potential negative effects in mind. So how do we keep gossiping without creating a toxic social atmosphere? Keep it secret There are clear negative consequences if you learn that you have been the target of gossip. Those who know they have been gossiped about at work, for example, <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13594329608414854">experience less physical and psychological well-being</a>. When we learn about social rules through gossip, we are learning about what rules we should follow, but also about what actions we should avoid if we want to be a valued member of our group. The advantage of learning about group transgressions in this way is that we do not have to have an awkward confrontation with the person who has transgressed. If we want gossip to oil the wheels of social interaction, but not cause conflict and upset, we need to be discrete. Make it useful Although there is plenty of evidence that we dislike those who gossip frequently, this depends on the perceived motive of the gossiper. If the listener feels that you are attempting to help the group when you share the gossip, they can be much more forgiving. For example, <a href="http://evolution.binghamton.edu/dswilson/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/DSW18.pdf">in a study where a gossiper shared information about a cheating student</a>, they were only disliked where they were sharing this information for selfish reasons. Where they expressed the gossip in a way which focused on fairness for the whole student group, it was the cheater who was disliked, not the gossiper. Ensuring that gossip is useful can also help to alleviate the negative feelings gossipers have when they share gossip. In a study where <a href="https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f2bc/7a1779ea7bdaf3fc9b0544e79771b1dd7fc9.pdf">a participant saw another person cheating</a>, it made the participant uncomfortable knowing about the cheat. But they felt better when they were able to warn the other participants about the cheat’s bad behaviour. Do not tell lies Gossip which is not true does not offer the same social learning benefits as that which is true. False gossip risks conflict and upset to the target of gossip but this action is not justified by benefits to the group, so the gossiper may feel worse about spreading information they know to be false that they usually would when communicating gossip. The gossiper also risks being “found out” by their listeners. People <a href="http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.948.434&rep=rep1&type=pdf">can employ sophisticated strategies</a> – including comparing the information they gain to existing knowledge – to protect themselves from being influenced by malicious gossip. Connect with your listener Effective gossip is not just about what you say, or about whom. It is also about how you say it. Of course, you can make the benefits of the gossip clear to your listener by clearly explaining why you have shared the information. But sharing particularly emotional reactions to the information may help you to connect with your listener and avoid negative reactions. When we share emotional reactions to others with someone, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kim_Peters/publication/5863992_From_Social_Talk_to_Social_Action_Shaping_the_Social_Triad_With_Emotion_Sharing/links/58404f1208ae2d21755f3079.pdf">they feel closer to us</a>, especially when they agree with the reaction we share. Sharing how you feel may encourage the listener to react more favourably to your gossiping behaviour. So the next time you need to share some gossip stop and ask yourself whether the information will stay secret from the person you’re talking about and whether it is useful. And do not be afraid to share your emotions with your listener. This way you can hopefully engage in “good gossip” and reap the social rewards which come with it.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/75318/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jenny-cole-351173">Jenny Cole</a>, Senior Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/manchester-metropolitan-university-860">Manchester Metropolitan University</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-science-of-gossip-four-ways-to-make-it-less-toxic-75318">original article</a>.

Relationships

Why gossiping is not a character flaw

<a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-small-town-takes-a-stand-it-banned-gossip-11556204479">According to a Wall Street Journal article</a>, some communities in the Philippines consider gossiping so odious that they’ve outright banned it. But aside from the difficulty of enforcing this sort of ordinance, should gossip really get such a bad rap? Yes, in its rawest form, gossip is a strategy used by individuals to further their own reputations and interests at the expense of others. <a href="http://faculty.knox.edu/fmcandre/JASP_227.pdf">Studies that I have conducted</a> confirm that gossip can be used in cruel ways for selfish purposes. At the same time, how many can walk away from a juicy story about one of their acquaintances and keep it to themselves? Surely, each of us has had firsthand experience with the difficulty of keeping spectacular news about someone else a secret. When disparaging gossip, we overlook the fact that it’s an essential part of what makes the social world tick; the nasty side of gossip overshadows the more benign ways in which it functions. In fact, gossip can actually be thought of not as a character flaw, but as a highly evolved social skill. Those who can’t do it well often have difficulty maintaining relationships, and can find themselves on the outside looking in. As social creatures, we’re hardwired to gossip Like it or not, we are the descendants of busybodies. Evolutionary psychologists <a href="http://faculty.knox.edu/fmcandre/SciAm_Gossip.pdf">believe</a> that our preoccupation with the lives of others is a byproduct of a prehistoric brain. <a href="http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674363366">According to scientists</a>, because our prehistoric ancestors lived in relatively small groups, they knew one another intimately. In order to ward off enemies and survive in their harsh natural environment, our ancestors needed to cooperate with in-group members. But they also recognized that these same in-group members were their main competitors for mates and limited resources. Living under such conditions, our ancestors faced a number of adaptive social problems: who’s reliable and trustworthy? Who’s a cheater? Who would make the best mate? How can friendships, alliances and family obligations be balanced? In this sort of environment, an intense interest in the private dealings of other people would have certainly been handy – and strongly favored by natural selection. People who were the best at harnessing their social intelligence to interpret, predict – and influence – the behavior of others became more successful than those who were not. The genes of those individuals were passed along from one generation to the next. Avoiding gossip: a one-way ticket to social isolation Today, good gossipers are influential and popular members of their social groups. Sharing secrets is one way people bond, and sharing gossip with another person is a sign of deep trust: you’re signaling that you believe that the person will not use this sensitive information against you. Therefore, someone skillful at gossip will have a good rapport with a large network of people. At the same time, they’ll be discreetly knowledgeable about what’s going on throughout the group. On the other hand, someone who is not part of, say, the office gossip network is an outsider – someone neither trusted nor accepted by the group. Presenting yourself as a self-righteous soul who refuses to participate in gossip will ultimately end up being nothing more than a ticket to social isolation. In the workplace, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/257986788_The_co-evolution_of_gossip_and_friendship_in_workplace_social_networks">studies have shown</a> that harmless gossiping with one’s colleagues can build group cohesiveness and boost morale. Gossip also helps to socialize newcomers into groups by resolving ambiguity about group norms and values. In other words, listening to the judgments that people make about the behavior of others helps the newbie figure out what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Fear of whispers keeps us in check On the flip side, the awareness that others are likely talking about us can keep us in line. Among a group of friends or coworkers, the threat of becoming the target of gossip can actually be a positive force: it can deter “free-riders” and cheaters who might be tempted slack off or take advantage of others. Biologist Robert Trivers <a href="http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/Trivers-EvolutionReciprocalAltruism.pdf">has discussed</a> the evolutionary importance of detecting gross cheaters (those who fail to reciprocate altruistic acts) and subtle cheaters (those who reciprocate but give much less than they get). Gossip can actually shame these free riders, reining them in. Studies of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Order-without-Law-Neighbors-Disputes/dp/0674641698">California cattle ranchers</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Lobster-Gangs-Maine-James-Acheson/dp/0874514517">Maine lobster fishers</a> and <a href="http://evolution.binghamton.edu/evos/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Kniffin-2010-Workplace-Gossip.pdf">college rowing teams</a> confirm that gossip is used in a variety of settings to hold individuals accountable. In each of these groups, individuals who violated expectations about sharing resources or meeting responsibilities became targets of gossip and ostracism. This, in turn, pressured them to become better members of the group. For example, lobstermen who didn’t respect well-established group norms about when and how lobsters could be harvested were quickly exposed by their colleagues. Their fellow lobstermen temporarily shunned them and, for a while, refused to work with them. Celebrity gossip actually helps us in myriad ways Belgian psychologist Charlotte de Backer <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs12110-007-9023-z#/page-1">makes a distinction</a> between strategy learning gossip and reputation gossip. When gossip is about a particular individual, we’re usually interested in it only if we know that person. However, some gossip is interesting no matter whom it’s about. This sort of gossip can involve stories about life-or-death situations or remarkable feats. We pay attention to them because we may be able to learn strategies that we can apply to our own lives. Indeed, de Backer discovered that our interest in celebrities may feed off of this thirst for learning life strategies. For better or for worse, we look to celebrities in the same way that our ancestors looked to role models within their tribes for guidance. At its core, our fixation on celebrities is reflective of an innate interest in the lives of other people. From an evolutionary standpoint, “celebrity” is a recent phenomenon, due primarily to the explosion of mass media in the 20th century. Our ancestors, on the other hand, found social importance in the intimate details of everyone‘s private life, since everyone in their small social world mattered. But anthropologist <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/279236728_Beneath_new_culture_is_old_psychology_Gossip_and_social_stratification">Jerome Barkow has pointed out</a> that evolution did not prepare us to distinguish among those members of our community who have a genuine effect on us, and those who exist in the images, movies and songs that suffuse our daily lives. From TMZ to US Weekly, the media fuels gossip mills that mimic those of our workplaces and friend groups. In a way, our brains are tricked into feeling an intense familiarity with these famous people – which hoodwinks us into wanting to know even more about them. After all, anyone whom we see that often and know that much about must be socially important to us. Because of the familiarity we feel with celebrities, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-ooze/201503/why-caring-about-celebrities-can-be-good-you">they can serve an important social function</a>: they may be the only “friends” we have in common with new neighbors and coworkers. They’re shared cultural touchstones that facilitate the types of informal interactions that help people become comfortable in new surroundings. Keeping up with the lives of actors, politicians and athletes can make a person more socially adept during interactions with strangers and even offer inroads into new relationships. The bottom line is that we need to rethink the role of gossip in everyday life; there’s no need to shy away from it or to be ashamed of it. Successful gossiping entails being a good team player and sharing key information with others in ways that won’t be perceived as self-serving. It’s about knowing when it’s appropriate to talk, and when it’s probably best to keep your mouth shut. Written by Frank T. McAndrew, Cornelia H. Dudley Professor of Psychology, Knox College. Republished with permission of <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/gossip-is-a-social-skill-not-a-character-flaw-51629" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.

Mind

Gossip can actually be good for you – but you have to do it the right way

Jenny Cole is a Senior Lecturer in Social Psychology at Manchester Metropolitan University. Gossip gets a bad rap. There’s no doubt that the act of gossiping about someone can sometimes be damaging and negative. But there is such a thing as “good gossip” and the very act of gossiping can actually help the way we interact with each other. If we follow some simple steps we can take part in gossip without it ending in tears. Gossip is defined as talking about and evaluating someone when they aren’t there. But we can use gossip to learn about the rules of behaviour in social groups and get closer to each other. It helps us do this by letting us learn important information without the need to actually talk to every group member. So <a href="http://www.rotarybalilovina.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Dunbar%20gossip.pdf" target="_blank">gossiping is efficient</a> and those who gossip can use this social currency to gain <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1994-98161-013" target="_blank">positions of power</a>. But being a gossip also has a dark side. Gossips are generally viewed as <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Sally_Farley/publication/230486595_Is_gossip_power_The_inverse_relationships_between_gossip_power_and_likability/links/00b495310c2dc52ecf000000.pdf" target="_blank">unlikeable, untrustworthy and weak</a>. Even <a href="https://muse.jhu.edu/article/23570/summary" target="_blank">children as young as nine</a> regard those who spread information about other people as less likeable and less deserving of rewards. There is also evidence that gossiping may <a href="https://e-space.mmu.ac.uk/559453/1/ACCEPTED%20VERSION_Short%20term%20effects%20of%20gossip%20behavior%20on%20self-esteem.pdf" target="_blank">make us feel bad about ourselves</a>, regardless of whether what we have said is nasty or nice. And, of course, there are the consequences for the person you have gossiped about, who may suffer psychologically if they find out they were the target of gossip. Although the research on the group benefits of gossip suggests we need to keep gossiping, we need to do so with the potential negative effects in mind. So how do we keep gossiping without creating a toxic social atmosphere? 1. Keep it secret There are clear negative consequences if you learn that you have been the target of gossip. Those who know they have been gossiped about at work, for example, <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13594329608414854" target="_blank">experience less physical and psychological well-being</a>. When we learn about social rules through gossip, we are learning about what rules we should follow, but also about what actions we should avoid if we want to be a valued member of our group. The advantage of learning about group transgressions in this way is that we do not have to have an awkward confrontation with the person who has transgressed. If we want gossip to oil the wheels of social interaction, but not cause conflict and upset, we need to be discrete. 2. Make it useful Although there is plenty of evidence that we dislike those who gossip frequently, this depends on the perceived motive of the gossiper. If the listener feels that you are attempting to help the group when you share the gossip, they can be much more forgiving. For example, <a href="http://evolution.binghamton.edu/dswilson/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/DSW18.pdf" target="_blank">in a study where a gossiper shared information about a cheating student</a>, they were only disliked where they were sharing this information for selfish reasons. Where they expressed the gossip in a way which focused on fairness for the whole student group, it was the cheater who was disliked, not the gossiper. Ensuring that gossip is useful can also help to alleviate the negative feelings gossipers have when they share gossip. In a study where <a href="https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f2bc/7a1779ea7bdaf3fc9b0544e79771b1dd7fc9.pdf" target="_blank">a participant saw another person cheating</a>, it made the participant uncomfortable knowing about the cheat. But they felt better when they were able to warn the other participants about the cheat’s bad behaviour. Do not tell lies Gossip which is not true does not offer the same social learning benefits as that which is true. False gossip risks conflict and upset to the target of gossip but this action is not justified by benefits to the group, so the gossiper may feel worse about spreading information they know to be false that they usually would when communicating gossip. The gossiper also risks being “found out” by their listeners. People <a href="http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.948.434&rep=rep1&type=pdf" target="_blank">can employ sophisticated strategies</a> – including comparing the information they gain to existing knowledge – to protect themselves from being influenced by malicious gossip. Connect with your listener Effective gossip is not just about what you say, or about whom. It is also about how you say it. Of course, you can make the benefits of the gossip clear to your listener by clearly explaining why you have shared the information. But sharing particularly emotional reactions to the information may help you to connect with your listener and avoid negative reactions. When we share emotional reactions to others with someone, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kim_Peters/publication/5863992_From_Social_Talk_to_Social_Action_Shaping_the_Social_Triad_With_Emotion_Sharing/links/58404f1208ae2d21755f3079.pdf" target="_blank">they feel closer to us</a>, especially when they agree with the reaction we share. Sharing how you feel may encourage the listener to react more favourably to your gossiping behaviour. So the next time you need to share some gossip stop and ask yourself whether the information will stay secret from the person you’re talking about and whether it is useful. And do not be afraid to share your emotions with your listener. This way you can hopefully engage in “good gossip” and reap the social rewards which come with it. Written by Jenny Cole. Republished with permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>. <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/75318/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Relationships

This simple phrase will stop gossip once and for all

Tired of gossip? Don’t want to get involved in other people’s secrets? Then use this simple phrase to stop gossipers in their tracks: Why are you telling me this? It’s simple and effective for a number of reasons. First, it questions the motives of the person telling it to you. People may consider gossip harmless and this question can give them pause. Secondly, it shows them that you are not interested in hearing what they have to say. The very act of gossiping requires two participants – one to tell and one to listen. By removing yourself from the equation, the act is nullified. People gossip for a lot of reasons. Some feel powerful because they have a secret to divulge, others like to bring people down by revealing something unflattering about them. Gossip is also a kind of currency – people who feel they have nothing to offer a conversation feel they can prove their value by offering up some private information. They might think you will like them more because they have divulged this secret. Gossip also creates a bond between two people, the one telling and the one hearing. The problem with gossip is that it often feels good at the time, for all the above reasons and more. The short terms rewards can distract us from the fact that we know we shouldn't talk about people behind their backs. The effects and impacts of gossip can be far reaching, and it is impossible to know if you could have done some real lasting damage. Gossip always complicates lives, rather than simplifying them. So what can you do instead? The simplest solution is to avoid talking about other people’s lives when they are not present. Even a conversation we consider ‘helpful’ or ‘concerned’ can quickly descend into gossip, so it’s often easier to avoid it altogether. Then, make a personal commitment to only speaking about others in a positive manner. You’ll be amazed at how much of a boost this gives you as well. Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2017/01/avoid-this-word-in-a-fight/">The one word to avoid when arguing with your partner</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2016/12/over60-community-share-their-beautiful-proposal-stories/">Over60 community share their beautiful proposal stories</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2016/12/advice-i-wish-i-could-give-my-20-year-old-self-about-love/">Advice I wish I could give my 20-year-old self about love</a>

Relationships

Diana’s body guard reveals: The day Diana confronted Camilla

Princess Diana’s bodyguard and most trusted confidant has revealed shocking, intimate details of Prince Charles’ infidelities. Ken Wharfe has detailed to New Idea the emotional trauma that the late princess endured as a result of her husband’s relationship with Camilla, who is now the Duchess of Cornwall. He specifically recalls two occasions that led to the demise of the relationship. In one instance, Diana caught the prince smuggling Camilla into their family home, moments after she had left in a car with children, Harry and William. In another, Charles and Camilla brazenly snuck off at a high society event, right under Diana’s nose. “It would appear that Charles could just not do without Camilla whatever the risk, he had to be with her,” Ken tells the magazine. Apparently, during one emotional meltdown, Diana told Ken she believed that Charles would celebrate if she died, so he could marry Camilla. The full story is available in this week’s copy of New Idea. Do you think Ken is right to come out with this information, or should he let sleeping dog lie? Let us know what you think in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/news/news/2016/08/royal-wedding-announced-for-2017/">Royal wedding announced for 2017</a> <a href="/news/news/2016/08/margot-robbie-reveals-she-text-messages-prince-harry/">Margot Robbie reveals she text messages Prince Harry</a> <a href="/news/news/2016/08/royals-special-message-for-britains-olympians/">The young royals have a special message for Britain’s Olympians</a>

News

Nicole Kidman reunites with estranged daughter

Nicole Kidman has recently reconnected with her 23-year-old estranged daughter Bella Cruise in the UK, in what has been described as an emotional reunion. Following her divorce from Tom Cruise in 2001, the Nicole Kidman suffered a turbulent relationship with her adopted children Bella and Connor Cruise. Both children went to live with their father, Tom Cruise, following the breakup. It was also reported that the two children followed their father into the Church of Scientology, leading them to cease contact with Nicole. <img width="397" height="413" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/26379/bella_397x413.jpg" alt="Bella"/> This recent reunion marks the first time Nicole met Bella’s husband IT consultant, Max Parker. The couple are living in the working class suburb of Croydon in the UK, leaving the glitz and glamour of tinsel town behind. Bella also told New Idea that she dreams in the future of starting a family of her own, but not anytime soon. “I’m 23, so we'll see...I'm still a baby myself.” Have you reconnected with an estranged family member? Tell us about your experience in the comments below. Relation: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/expert-tips-for-connecting-with-your-grandchildren/">5 expert tips for connecting with your grandchildren</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/things-i-am-saving-to-leave-behind-to-my-grandson/">10 treasures I’m saving to leave behind to my grandson</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/tips-to-repair-a-distant-grandparent-grandchild-relationship/">Tips to repair a distant grandparent-grandchild relationship</a>

News

Why Tom Cruise hasn't seen daughter Suri in 3 years

Reports have emerged that actor and devote scientologist, Tom Cruise, has not seen his 10-year-old daughter, Suri, in three years. The 54-year-old actor divorced 37-year-old Katie Holmes and 2012 and broke off contact with her and his daughter shortly afterward. He is currently based in New York whilst the pair are living in Los Angeles. US reports state that “Tom has made no attempt to spend time with his daughter”. The estranged relationship reportedly has one sole driving factor; Tom’s controversial religious beliefs. According to the 2015 documentary on the strange practices of Scientology, Going Clear, Katie and Suri were declared “suppressive persons” by the Church and Tom was instructed to cut off all contact with them. OK magazine cites a source close to Katie who says that Tom still pays $400,000 a year in child support and that Suri has “got lots of friends and a nice, normal life.” Reports also suggest that Nicole Kidman was labelled a “suppressive person” following her marital split from Tom in 2011. Do you think that Suri is better off without her father in her life right now? Let us know what you think in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/expert-tips-for-connecting-with-your-grandchildren/">5 expert tips for connecting with your grandchildren</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/things-i-am-saving-to-leave-behind-to-my-grandson/">10 treasures I’m saving to leave behind to my grandson</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/06/tips-to-repair-a-distant-grandparent-grandchild-relationship/">Tips to repair a distant grandparent-grandchild relationship</a>

News

Prince Harry finds love at last

Image credit: www.dailymail.co.uk He’s had a string of high-profile breakups over the years, however, Prince Harry is jumping straight back on the horse so to speak. No, it’s not with The Duchess of Cambridge’s little sister Pip, but 19-year-old Princess Maria Olympia of Greece. An insider reports that the two are smitten and are planning to visit Switzerland together over Easter. The 31-year-old prince met Tatler magazine’s "Most eligible girl in the world" through his cousin, Princess Beatrice. While the princess is well-known in London’s society circles for her high-end style and notable connections, it is reportedly her fun side that has really won Harry's heart. All a bit of gossip right now so watch this space. We wonder what Prince William and Kate would think about the 12-year age gap? Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/news/news/2015/12/kate-middleton-wears-dianas-tiara/">Kate Middleton wear's Diana's favourite tiara for the first time</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/beauty-style/2015/12/kate-middletons-top-fashion-looks/">The best Kate Middleton style looks</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/beauty-style/2015/12/summer-skincare-tips/">5 expert tips for summer skincare</a>

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The royals have historically been tight-lipped about their health – but that never stopped the gossip

4 ways to make gossip less toxic

Why gossiping is not a character flaw

Gossip can actually be good for you – but you have to do it the right way

This simple phrase will stop gossip once and for all

Diana’s body guard reveals: The day Diana confronted Camilla

Nicole Kidman reunites with estranged daughter

Why Tom Cruise hasn't seen daughter Suri in 3 years

Prince Harry finds love at last