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Uber driver shares touching moment with grieving passenger

<p>A young Uber driver has shared the emotional interaction he had with a grieving mother.</p> <p>James Bade, a 23-year-old from Sydney, shares clips from his best Uber driving moments on his TikTok, capturing honest moments with his passengers. </p> <p>Bade's latest video has moved his followers to tears, as he drove around an older couple who broke down in tears at the end of their journey. </p> <p>James captioned his video, "This job makes me cry sometimes,” as the video shows the elderly woman telling James, “You know what? Look after yourself.”</p> <p>Her voice broke as she said, "You're a champion."</p> <p>The couple then left the car, before the woman began tapping frantically on James' window as he winds it down. </p> <div class="embed" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 600px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7279295029410057480&amp;display_name=tiktok&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40jamesbadeofficial%2Fvideo%2F7279295029410057480&amp;image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign-sg.tiktokcdn.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-alisg-p-0037%2F7648b1db68b747d38845e102a8a6ef9e_1694842956%3Fx-expires%3D1695945600%26x-signature%3DCvk%252FeflE7E2aY%252Fv15VOGr7IwGr4%253D&amp;key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&amp;type=text%2Fhtml&amp;schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> <p>“I lost my son last year,” she tells him through tears. </p> <p>“And you remind me so much of my son.”</p> <p>Bade unbuckles his seatbelt and hugs the woman through the window as she cries. </p> <p>The woman, still sobbing, holds Mr Bade for a moment, telling him to “take care”. </p> <p>“The world will take you wherever you want to go,” she tells him.</p> <p>The comments section was flooded with emotional messages, showing that the interaction obviously touched his followers. </p> <p>“You can tell she has so much love and nowhere for it to go,” one wrote. </p> <p>“Actually crying … how lovely,” said another. </p> <p>Another added, “This is just beautiful … you can just tell in her voice that she needed that so much.”</p> <p>Sadly, not every one of James' passengers are as lovely, as he recently made headlines after a rude passenger <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/travel/travel-trouble/uber-driver-shocked-by-elderly-passenger-s-intrusive-questions" target="_blank" rel="noopener">talked down to him</a> over his career choice and high school exam results. </p> <p><em>Image credits: TikTok</em></p>

Caring

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“Please go away”: Grieving mother slams “god-bothering” vandal

<p dir="ltr">A heart-broken mother has slammed a “god-botherer” who superglued a cross to her son’s memorial.</p> <p dir="ltr">Sydney parents Edwina and Anthony Symonds lost their son Sebastian, lovingly known as Seb, when he was just 10-months-old in 2018.</p> <p dir="ltr">After Seb’s death, the grieving parents organised for a memorial plaque to be fixed to a sitting rock located at a popular walk in the city's northern beaches – a place they frequented with Seb before his passing.</p> <p dir="ltr">Edwina told <a href="https://honey.nine.com.au/latest/sydney-baby-memorial-plaque-cross-super-glue-parents-message/348ed1ef-3155-4d56-977e-df84db43715b" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>9Honey</em> </a>that she is used to finding well-wishing trinkets people have left behind on Seb’s memorial.</p> <p dir="ltr">"Previously we've had little bibles left there, or small rocks that have been painted by children, or feathers," Edwina said, adding that the family usually takes the items with them as they go along.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, Edwina said one passerby has taken it too far, by supergluing a religious cross to the plaque.</p> <p dir="ltr">"It's obnoxious," Edwina says.</p> <p dir="ltr">She was informed of the unwanted addition to her son's plaque by a friend, and shared a post on a local Facebook page to explain her distress.</p> <p dir="ltr">"To be fair, I'm Catholic and I used to go to church every week when I was younger. I don't have a problem with religion," she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I think I captured it well with what I wrote. But don't super glue your religion to me or my son."</p> <p dir="ltr">Her Facebook post read, "To the God-botherer that vandalised our son's plaque by supergluing a cross to it!!! I imagine somewhere in whatever religion you choose to follow, there is some sort of rule that says, 'Don't be a low-life by wrecking other people's property.' If not, there should be.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"Religion is a nice ideal. You are entitled to your beliefs and no-one should take issue with that. I certainly don't.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"I am sure you had some lovely thoughts when you were sitting with Seb like, 'God took this baby to a 'better' place, or that he 'had a plan' for this child, or even the classic 'everything happens for a reason.'”</p> <p dir="ltr">"Cool story, but please go away. Seb doesn't need you to 'save' him. He died already. He can't be saved.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Anthony also commented on the post, not holding back with his frustration over the vandal’s actions.</p> <p dir="ltr">"To the god botherer, Seb is looking down having a laugh at your kooky effort and giving you his swear finger. At 10 months old, his heart was as pure as it gets, though he has subsequently learnt the words f--k you.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"A narrow minded fool, keep away from Seb's little playground. Keep your ideas out of other people's lives unless invited in, the end.”</p> <p dir="ltr">While many of the comments expressed distress at news of her son's death at such a young age, Edwina was quick to explain they are managing to live with their grief, and that Seb's death isn't the issue at hand.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I'm sure they had good intentions, but their execution is s***house," Edwina told <em>9Honey</em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I haven't been down there yet, you have to walk one kilometre along the walkway to see it. I'll have to go to Bunnings to get some bond remover or something. But I have two young kids, so it's just another thing on my to-do list."</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Is there a right way to grieve?

<p>Loss and grieving doesn't feel like a process when you're suffering it. The pain, often overwhelming, feels like it's with you forever.</p> <p>And to some extent, it is. Everything that happens to us in life – both positive and negative – becomes yet another part of our psychological tapestry: the web of experience and learned factors that makes up who we are beyond our genes.</p> <p><strong>What is grief?</strong></p> <p>Grief is the multi-faceted response to loss. It could be loss of a person, loss of an animal, loss of a home, of loss of anything else we are emotionally and/or physically attached to. In short, it's the emotional suffering we are forced to endure when something is taken away from us.</p> <p>An often-studied psychological process, grief is complicated. In renowned psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's 1969 book <em>On Death and Dying</em>, it was proposed there were five stages of grief that everybody goes through when somebody dies.</p> <p>Known as the Kubler-Ross model, these stages are denial (refusing to accept what has happened); anger; bargaining (the internal negotiating stage in which one goes through a series of "if only" questions), depression; and acceptance.</p> <p>In the early days of this theory, it was largely believed that this five-pronged process was linear, i.e. a person going through grief sequentially moved from one stage to the other. In Kubler-Ross' later life, she noted that the stages were non-linear – somebody who's grieving can experience stages in any order, can go back to stages they thought were over, or may not experience all stages.</p> <p>Many other mental health professionals have suggested alternative processes, including psychologist John Bowlby's model which pinpoints the phases a person may follow after another's death in more practical terms.</p> <p>His theory stated that we first experience numbness (a sense of disbelief of what has happened); yearning (characterised by that "I just want them back" feeling); disorganisation and disrepair (a sense of helplessness); and reorganisation (the process by which a person regains some control and hope, and begins to move forward.</p> <p>Though there are many other models of grief, these two are well-positioned to contrast with each other. Anybody who's been through – or is going through – grief may identify with one psychotherapeutic framework much more than the other.</p> <p><strong>What stops you grieving?</strong></p> <p>Adrenaline can stop a person from grieving. Some people become very competent after a loss and throw themselves into logistics whilst running at an emotional "boiling point", but never flowing over.</p> <p>Most people when grieving will understand it comes an uncomfortable, if not painful, sense of regret. It's as if you think you shouldn't be feeling the way that you are, and that grieving is somehow wrong or weak.</p> <p>In fighting against grief because you have some sort of stigma against it, grieving can be even more painful. Not only may you be (consciously or subconsciously) experiencing certain stages of grief as outlined in the Kubler-Ross, Bowlby, or other models, but you're also using up so much of your energy trying "not to" feel. Such efforts can wreak havoc on your mental health.</p> <p>Many people find that when faced with loss, they feel there's only one option: to be strong. This, too, can put off the grieving process, and often happens when we see ourselves as supporters or carers of others. We believe we "can't fall apart" for their sake; whether it's because we must care of children, keep a household or business running, be the "rock" for somebody else who is grieving, and so on.</p> <p><strong>Is there a right way to grieve?</strong></p> <p>In Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's new book <em>Option B</em>, Sandberg – whose husband died suddenly at 47 – uses psychologist Martin Seligman's "3 P's" approach to explain the importance of grieving.</p> <p>It' proposed that personalisation (finding blame for one's loss); pervasiveness (how a loss is perceived to affect your life); and permanence (how long you think negative feelings will last) are key in the human ability to deal with grief.</p> <p>This can mean realising that a death or loss couldn't have been prevented by you, it won't always impinge on all areas of your life and that pain won't last forever at the same level of intensity.</p> <p>There is no "right" way to grieve – every individual will have their own experience – but this "3 P's" approach can be key in the ultimate goal of loss or death: accepting that what's happened has happened.</p> <p><em>Written by Lee Suckling. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz</span></strong></a>.</em></p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Caring

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Why mourning a pet can be harder than grieving for a person

<p>Many pet owners know that our connections with animals can be on an emotional par with those we share with other humans – and <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ben-Rockett/publication/274344384_Animals_and_Attachment_Theory/links/5f8552bb458515b7cf7c5851/Animals-and-Attachment-Theory.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">scientific research backs this up</a>.</p> <p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407507087958" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The key ingredients of human attachment</a> are experiencing the other person as a dependable source of comfort, seeking them out when distressed, feeling enjoyment in their presence and missing them when apart. Researchers have identified these as features of our relationships with pets too.</p> <p>But there are complexities. Some groups of people are more likely to develop intimate bonds with their pets. This includes <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&amp;lr=&amp;id=yyM5DQAAQBAJ&amp;oi=fnd&amp;pg=PA123&amp;dq=pet+attachment+and+older+people&amp;ots=g4NhHQwmag&amp;sig=82Jmnjag7NC40mxaITf18Vsjk8g#v=onepage&amp;q=pet%20attachment%20and%20older%20people&amp;f=false" target="_blank" rel="noopener">isolated older people</a>, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Ben-Rockett/publication/313459134_Fostering_secure_attachment_experiences_of_animal_companions_in_the_foster_home/links/5f85529e458515b7cf7c5848/Fostering-secure-attachment-experiences-of-animal-companions-in-the-foster-home.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">people who have lost trust in humans</a>, and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14616734.2011.584410?journalCode=rahd20" target="_blank" rel="noopener">people who rely on assistance animals</a>.</p> <p>Researchers have also found our connections with our fluffy, scaled and feathered friends come with a price, in that we <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07481187.2021.1901799" target="_blank" rel="noopener">grieve the loss of our pets</a>. But some aspects of pet grief are unique.</p> <h2>Euthanasia</h2> <p>For many people, pet death may be the only experience they have of grief connected to euthanasia. Guilt or doubt over a decision to euthanise a cherished companion animal can complicate grief. For example, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/288696026_Pet_loss_and_human_emotion_A_guide_to_recovery_Second_edition" target="_blank" rel="noopener">research has found</a> that disagreements within families about whether it is (or was) right to put a pet to sleep can be particularly challenging.</p> <p>But euthanasia also gives people a chance to prepare for a beloved animal’s passing. There is a chance to say goodbye and plan final moments to express love and respect such as a favourite meal, a night in together or a last goodbye.</p> <p>There are stark differences in people’s responses to pet euthanasia. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07481187.2012.738764" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Israeli research</a> found that in the aftermath of euthanised pet death, 83% of people feel certain they made the right decision. They believed they had granted their animal companion a more honourable death that minimised suffering.</p> <p>However, a <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1539639/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Canadian study</a> found 16% of participants in their study whose pets were euthanised “felt like murderers”. And <a href="https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Establishing-a-model-pet-loss-support-hotline.-Mader-Hart/ed169dfdb2d43c2c94bc3f4c617e92bb37c08402" target="_blank" rel="noopener">American research</a> has shown how nuanced the decision can be as 41% of participants in a study felt guilty and 4% experienced suicidal feelings after they consented to their animal being euthanised. Cultural beliefs, the nature and intensity of their relationship, attachment styles and personality influence people’s experience of pet euthanasia.</p> <h2>Disenfranchised grief</h2> <p>This type of loss <a href="https://neurosciencenews.com/grief-pet-loss-21950/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">is still less acceptable socially</a>. This is called disenfranchised grief, which refers to losses that society doesn’t fully appreciate or ignores. This makes it harder to mourn, at least in public.</p> <p>Psychologists Robert Neiymeyer and John Jordan said <a href="https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Disenfranchised-Grief%3A-New-Directions%2C-Challenges%2C-Doka/93982a0299f424a451986bc2938751d909b5a98b" target="_blank" rel="noopener">disenfranchised grief</a> is a result of an empathy failure. People deny their own pet grief because a part of them feels it is shameful. This isn’t just about keeping a stiff upper lip in the office or at the pub. People may feel pet grief is unacceptable to certain members of their family, or to the family more generally.</p> <p>And at a wider level, there may be a mismatch between the depth of pet grief and social expectations around animal death. For example, some people may react with contempt if someone misses work or takes leave to mourn a pet.</p> <p><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/08927936.2019.1621545?journalCode=rfan20" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Research</a> suggests that when people are in anguish over the loss of a pet, disenfranchised grief makes it more difficult for them to find solace, post-traumatic growth and healing. Disenfranchised grief seems to restrain emotional expression in a way that makes it harder to process.</p> <p>Our relationships to our pets can be as meaningful as those we share with each other. Losing our pets is no less painful, and our grief reflects that. There are dimensions of pet grief we need to recognise as unique. If we can accept pet death as a type of bereavement, we can lessen people’s suffering. We’re only human, after all.</p> <p><strong>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-mourning-a-pet-can-be-harder-than-grieving-for-a-person-195514" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</strong></p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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4 surprising things your body goes through when you grieve

<p>We all deal with grief in our lives, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakup or job loss – no matter the reason behind it, grieving can take its toll not only on the mind but also on the body. Here are four surprising physical changes you might notice during your time of grief.</p> <ol> <li><strong>Irregular heartbeat</strong> – A study of almost 90,000 people published in the <em>Open Heart</em> journal found that having a “broken heart” mightn’t be so far-fetched after all. Those who lost a partner were found to be more likely to develop an irregular heartbeat and 41 per cent more at risk of atrial fibrillation, particularly around two weeks after the death. Given that this can be a serious condition (potentially lasting up to a year after a loss), sufferers should see their doctor if they have any concerns.</li> <li><strong>Weakened immune system</strong> – Older people who experience the death of a loved one are more susceptible to disease, according to research published in the <em>Age and Immunity</em> journal. They were reported to have poorer functioning neutrophils – white blood cells responsible for boosting immunity.</li> <li><strong>Anxiety</strong> – While anxiety is certainly a mental health issue, sufferers will have noticed how it can manifest itself physically, causing shortness of breath, an unsettled stomach, weight changes, decreased energy levels and shakes. These symptoms are all common after a gut-wrenching loss, but fortunately, there are many treatments available. Discuss your symptoms with your GP and they will recommend measures to take.</li> <li><strong>Skin issues</strong> – Mourners may notice stress-related skin issues after a devastating loss. “When we are anguished, in pain and stressed skin issues can erupt,” psychotherapist Amanda Falkson told <a href="http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a26707/coping-with-grief-physical-symptoms/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">NetDoctor</span></strong></a>. “I've noticed skin issues in people particularly when they suppress their emotions. In Chinese medical tradition, lungs and sinuses are linked to grieving.”</li> </ol> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Caring

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“That’s not my mum”: Funeral mix-up sees grieving daughter farewell a stranger

<p dir="ltr">A grieving woman has said a mix-up has meant the body in the casket at her mum’s funeral was actually that of a total stranger.</p> <p dir="ltr">When Dianne De Jager realised what had happened, her experience was made even more distressing when she was told by the funeral director to carry on with the service regardless.</p> <p dir="ltr">Recounting the event to <em>A Current Affair</em>, the Adelaide woman said it made her feel sick and “not want to be there”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Everybody in that room thought they were saying goodbye to my mum, and it’s not her,” Ms De Jager told the program.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It made me feel sick. It made me not want to be there.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Her mother, Margaret Locke, was due to be farewelled at the service on August 1 at the Enfield Memorial Park, with around 100 people gathering for the service.</p> <p dir="ltr">But, when Ms De Jager looked inside the casket one last time, she realised a terrible mistake had been made.</p> <p dir="ltr">“That’s not my mum,” she told the funeral director.</p> <p dir="ltr">"He said, 'that's definitely Margaret, she was tagged as Margaret', and I said, 'this is not my mum'," she recalled.</p> <p dir="ltr">He only relented when Ms De Jager showed him a recent photo of her late mum.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I zoomed the face in and I put it next to the lady in that coffin and I said, 'that is not my mum'.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Despite the mistake, the funeral director suggested they carry on with the service while the mix-up was investigated.</p> <p dir="ltr">"How can you say goodbye to your mum when it's not her?” Ms De Jager said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"None of that eulogy really sunk in, or hit me because I wasn't really listening properly, I wasn't there. It just made me feel so empty and blank.”</p> <p dir="ltr">In a statement shared with <em>A Current Affair</em>, Clarke Family Funerals admitted a “mistake” was made with Ms Locke’s service and that the decision to continue the service was an error.</p> <p dir="ltr">"We have always striven to provide beautiful and respectful funerals that offer a lasting tribute but we fell well short of our own high standards,” they said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"This situation is deeply regrettable and we continue to offer our sincerest apologies to the family.</p> <p dir="ltr">"This decision was made under the stress of the situation and on reflection we should have sought a different outcome."</p> <p dir="ltr">Adrien Barrett, the president of the Australian Funeral Directors Association, said that multiple measures, such as various tags and checks, were used to ensure the person in a casket was the person being mourned.</p> <p dir="ltr">But, if there is any doubt, he said the first thing to do would be to stop the funeral.</p> <p dir="ltr">"The first thing that would need to happen would be that the funeral service should be stopped," Mr Barrett said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"The person whose funeral it's supposed to be isn't at the funeral.</p> <p dir="ltr">"We also have a person whose funeral it's not supposed to be at the funeral."</p> <p dir="ltr">After the service, Ms Locke was located and cremated, with the De Jager family then presented with her ashes.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms De Jager said all she could do during the service was make the best of the situation.</p> <p dir="ltr">"So I said goodbye to this lady, I said 'rest in peace' and 'I hope you find your family'".</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-4b43fb70-7fff-9f25-a5d0-8a1961d4f844"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Channel 9</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Grieving stepdad slams new bride after "delusional" request

<p>A new bride has been slammed online by her stepfather, after demanding compensation from guests who missed her wedding ceremony to attend a funeral. </p> <p>The grieving man shared the story of his wife's daughter on Reddit, explaining the "delusional" decisions of his 27-year-old stepdaughter. </p> <p>Posting on Reddit's "Am I the A**hole?" thread, he wrote, "My stepdaughter Tara, 27, recently got married."</p> <p>"Six days before her wedding my father died unexpectedly. The people invited to her wedding from my family was myself, my two kids, my brother, and one of my sisters."</p> <p>The man explained that he had flown to another state to see his mother after hearing of his father's passing, while his wife stayed at home to help prepare for the upcoming wedding. </p> <p>"[My family] were aware of Tara's wedding and tried to be mindful of it and also give our family time to get in town for the funeral," he explained.</p> <p>"The funeral home serves the area my parents live in and the dates available for service were 3 before the wedding, day of the wedding, day after the wedding. They went with the day after."</p> <p>He went on to explain how his siblings understandably skipped the wedding due to the logistics of being able to attend both the wedding and the funeral that were happening several hours away. </p> <p>"My kids and I stayed for Tara's wedding, took photos, and left right after the ceremony since it was a 6-hour drive, and airline prices were insanely high and I'd already dropped a good bit of money on the first flight after dad died," he said.</p> <p>"Day after the funeral, those of us who missed the wedding were sent requests for $125 by Tara as a refund for meal and favor bags," he shared.</p> <p>"My kids and siblings asked if she was serious and I told them I'd call her to find out. When I called, she said she was serious and we had cost her money and owed her for missing her wedding."</p> <p>The man said that both his wife and his stepdaughter said the group should have left after the ceremony, despite the man already giving countless reasons why that was not possible. </p> <p>"My brother and sister couldn't afford two plane tickets or get that many days off, and they had sent their apologies and wedding gifts to her. I also pointed out we couldn't all fit in one car to drive there," he continued.</p> <p>"My wife insists I should pay all the refunds and my mother shouldn't have scheduled a funeral the day after the wedding and worse for me to leave on Tara's wedding day."</p> <p>When he asked Reddit users for their opinion on if he and his family were in the wrong, they did not hold back.</p> <p>"I am really shocked by how calm you seem about this. This was unthinkably callous on her part," one wrote.</p> <p>One person put it bluntly, commenting: "There are a few reasons why missing a wedding after rsvp'ing yes is acceptable and that includes a death in the family/funeral. There is something seriously wrong with your wife and step daughter."</p> <p>"That was your dad's funeral. She's delusional and so is your wife," added another.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Grieving parents call for change after Aussie teen dies on school trip

<p dir="ltr">The parents of a teenager who died on an overseas school trip say more should have been done to prevent the death of their “fit and healthy” 15 year old.</p> <p dir="ltr">Blackburn high-school-student Timothy Fehring was meant to be on the “trip of a lifetime” when he attended a school trip in Germany in 2019, along with 16 other students and two teachers who chaperoned during the trip.</p> <p dir="ltr">But, after departing Melbourne and arriving in Germany on June 23, Timothy became ill.</p> <p dir="ltr">His mum, Barbara, received a text from Timothy that read: "I almost threw up and am working on getting better so I can have a better time."</p> <p dir="ltr">Barbara and her husband Dale said their son wasn’t one to complain and rejected claims he was just “homesick” in the leadup to his death.</p> <p dir="ltr">"He was a super fit and healthy child and he would never want to make a fuss or bring attention to himself," Barbra told <em><a href="https://www.9news.com.au/national/timothy-fehring-family-speak-after-melbourne-schoolboy-dies-on-school-trip-in-europe/b8144abe-790c-46d1-8a35-f2dedfd5f1ff" target="_blank" rel="noopener">9News</a></em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">As he continued to participate in activities, TImothy became violently ill, vomiting multiple times and eating very little on the first two days of the trip.</p> <p dir="ltr">When a teacher took him to a chemist and explained his symptoms, he was given some medication. Waking up the next day, Timothy asked his mum to get him home.</p> <p dir="ltr">"He expressed dissatisfaction about how he was being treated," the coroner’s findings read.</p> <p dir="ltr">Timothy was then taken to Munich Children’s Hospital and “thoroughly examined” by a doctor, and left six hours later with a diagnosis of a combination of homesickness, constipation and gastroenteritis.</p> <p dir="ltr">On June 27, he joined the group on a walking tour in Vienna, Austria, with the coroner’s findings stating he carried a “vomit bag”, walked slowly and looked tired.</p> <p dir="ltr">He asked to go back to the hospital, but staff denied his request.</p> <p dir="ltr">Then, when he threw up his dinner that night, staff contacted Timothy’s parents and made arrangements so he could fly home alone on June 29, which would include making a trip to a GP to secure a fit-to-travel certificate on June 28.</p> <p dir="ltr">But, after walking into the hallway to get some air, Timothy was found unresponsive with blood trickling from his nose.</p> <p dir="ltr">He was hospitalised but died on June 28, with an autopsy revealing he had a “highly acute” infection in his stomach and lungs, and had suffered a heart attack.</p> <p dir="ltr">Barbara and Dale said they weren’t made aware of the severity of Timothy’s illness, and are calling for change to staffing for overseas school trips.</p> <p dir="ltr">His mother acknowledged that the two teachers were trained in first aid, but said a school nurse would have had a better understanding of his illness.</p> <p dir="ltr">"They would have picked up on the signs quicker and we wouldn't be here today," she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“He wasn’t homesick,” she continued, adding that having more adults accompany students would have helped save her son.</p> <p dir="ltr">"When he said he was sick and said something wasn't right, that was the truth.</p> <p dir="ltr">"No one was being his advocate, we think it's important to have more adults to student ratios.”</p> <p dir="ltr">In his findings on Timothy’s death, Coroner Simon McGregor called on the Department of Education and Training to increase the staff to student ratios on these trips, and recommended that organisers should ensure there were enough resources available if someone did fall ill.</p> <p dir="ltr">"With the benefit of hindsight, staff made the wrong judgement call that Tim's complaints were not sufficiently serious," McGregor commented.</p> <p dir="ltr">Since then, the department said a group the size that Tim was in now requires three adults, not two.</p> <p dir="ltr">The Fehrings continue to mourn their son, with Dale saying it has been a “hard three years”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Children shouldn’t die, this is so tragic,” he said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"It hits you hard and it has been a hard three years. We have tried to cope."</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-e3a529fc-7fff-d243-0b79-aa7e71c18bc7"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Nine</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Readers Respond: How do you deal with losing someone you love?

<p>The one thing that all humans are unfortunately guaranteed to experience is the loss of someone you love.</p> <p>In a way, you could say life is fair because it’s unfair to everyone.</p> <p>We asked our readers to share the way they deal with losing someone they love and the responses were nothing short of emotional.</p> <p>From keeping yourself busy or just taking each day as it comes - here are some of your answers.</p> <p>Julia Santos - Work. Work as much as I could. Being at home with my own thoughts and tears is too much at times. You cry. You pray. You keep going. After a while, the pain eases up a little bit.</p> <p>Carolyn Korlaki - One foot in front of the other, you never get over it, you get used to it!! And yes, you do change, you have to because now it's all on you!!!</p> <p>Cindy Kaye - It's never easy, however I believe the loved one would expect me to move on with my life. My daughter passed away 11 years ago, aged 38 and not a day goes by when I don't think of her. The special memories she left me with inspire me to keep going.</p> <p>Michelle Kotynski - One day at a time.</p> <p>Sharyn Watt - Losing your husband destroys the life you were living but you have to try to keep going and it is such a struggle. Remember the good times and just be grateful for the time you had together. </p> <p>Eleanor Taylor - Nobody dwells on it and I don’t feel sorry for myself. He was my love, my one and all. A person misses their intimate moments together for the last 60 years, I don’t want to move on. You move on if you want to but I miss my husband a lot.</p> <p>Joan Garufi - Remember the good times and allow yourself to grieve as long as you need too. There's no timeline to grieving someone you love...But just know that time makes it a little easier.</p> <p>Geoff Hunt - With great difficulty. You just keep going for the sake of the rest of the family.</p> <p>Kaye Boskovic - It's very hard especially when you have been together 53 years.You just have to hold your head up and keep on moving. At times it's very hard.</p> <p>Rosemary Moreland - By talking about them and remembering them and having their picture in a prominent place.</p> <p>If you would like to share some of your tips on how to deal with the loss of someone you love, click <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0eddcD6xi5sWUsiU6TwcAUbYxeA17raqocbQUWeGBkcDJkJJEish1hqP4eGqF1Xwjl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. </p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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COVID has changed how we live, how we die, and how we grieve

<p>Last week marked the second anniversary of the World Health Organization’s <a href="https://www.who.int/director-general/speeches/detail/who-director-general-s-opening-remarks-at-the-media-briefing-on-covid-19---11-march-2020">declaration of a pandemic</a>.</p> <p>In these two years, over <a href="https://covid19.who.int/">5,500 Australians</a> have died from COVID, and approximately <a href="https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/population/deaths-australia/latest-release#:%7E:text=Key%20statistics%20There%20were%20169%2C301%20registered%20deaths%20in,Infant%20deaths%20increased%20by%2021%20deaths%20to%201%2C009">300,000 Australians</a> have lost their lives in total.</p> <p>Necessary public health protections have affected people’s access to dying loved ones, limited their participation in important rituals like funerals, and reduced the physical social support they would otherwise receive from friends and family.</p> <h2>More than half reporting problematic grief symptoms</h2> <p>Australia has seen relatively low numbers of COVID infections and deaths, particularly prior to recent months. So understanding the impact of COVID deaths on the people left behind has meant looking overseas.</p> <p>As a member of <a href="https://sites.google.com/cnu.edu/the-pandemic-grief-project">The Pandemic Grief Project</a>, I partnered with overseas researchers to survey people in the United States who had a person close to them die from COVID.</p> <p><a href="https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/jpm.2021.0103">We found</a> more than half (57%) of those surveyed reported problematic grief symptoms such as a change in identity, feelings of meaninglessness, and wishes to die, to a degree where psychological therapy would be advised.</p> <p>Further, 70% of the sample coped with their loss using drugs or alcohol for at least several days in the past two weeks.</p> <p>In our second study of people in the US who had a person close to them die from COVID, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0885392421000117?via%3Dihub">we found</a> most of the participants reported high levels of symptoms of generalised anxiety (70%), depression (74%), problematic grief (66%) and impaired functioning in key areas of life such as work, leisure and family relationships (63%).</p> <h2>Deaths from COVID versus other causes</h2> <p>These studies couldn’t tell us whether grief from a COVID death might be different to deaths from other causes. So we designed our next study to answer this question.</p> <p>We surveyed people in the US who had a person close to them die from any cause during the pandemic. Nearly three-quarters (72%) reported problematic grief symptoms and 77% reported functional impairment.</p> <p>When we compared those bereaved by losing someone to COVID to those whose loss was from another cause, we found no differences in levels of problematic grief symptoms or functional impairment.</p> <p>Further, the three groups (those bereaved by COVID, another natural cause, or a violent cause) reported levels of functional impairment equal to or greater than bereaved people who had problematic grief prior to the pandemic.</p> <p><a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07481187.2021.1974666">We concluded</a> grief from deaths during COVID may warrant similar clinical concern as deaths from COVID.</p> <h2>What do these findings mean for Australia?</h2> <p>I’m part of team that designed a <a href="https://www.lossandgriefduringcovid19.com/">national study</a> to answer this question. We aim to understand the grief experiences and support needs of people in Australia who have been bereaved from any cause during the COVID pandemic.</p> <p>So far, more than 2,000 bereaved Australians have participated to tell us about their experiences of grieving, the support they needed, and the effects of COVID public health measures on their grief.</p> <p><a href="https://palliativecare.org.au/story/the-silent-epidemic-of-grief-during-the-covid-19-pandemic/">Early results</a> suggest people who have lost a loved one during the pandemic are experiencing more grief, anxiety and depression than we would expect prior to the pandemic.</p> <p>The study is open for recruitment until the end of March and you can access the survey <a href="https://www.uts.edu.au/research-and-teaching/our-research/impacct/about-us/research-impacct/studies/bereavement-during-covid-19-share-your-experience">here</a>.</p> <p>The team intends to develop a national bereavement action plan in coming months to help address grief support needs during the COVID pandemic and any future pandemics.</p> <h2>Sustained struggles with grief</h2> <p>The international findings coupled with the preliminary Australian findings are a strong indicator that, as the pandemic continues, we’re likely to see sustained struggles with grief.</p> <p>Bereaved people commonly seek support for their grief, yet my colleagues and I have found <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2632352420935132">almost one-third</a> report not receiving the support they would’ve liked. Research from the UK shows the pandemic has <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/02692163211043372">exacerbated this gap</a> between support need and support received.</p> <p>One reason for this gap is that all of us – individuals, health professionals and communities – need to be more grief literate. <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07481187.2020.1739780">Grief literacy</a> combines the knowledge of grief and loss, values of compassion and care, and skills to enable supportive action.</p> <p>The pandemic has shown more than ever we must do more to understand and support grieving people, strengthen their supporters and boost collective well-being in the wake of everyday loss and large-scale disasters.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/covid-has-changed-how-we-live-how-we-die-and-how-we-grieve-177731" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Mind

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Grieving mother’s plea to finish son’s composition answered

<p dir="ltr">A grieving mother has put out a worldwide call for musicians to finish her son’s first musical composition. </p><p dir="ltr">12-year-old Kyan Pennell passed away on January 31st after a tragic accident on his family’s property when he got caught between a trailer and a gate.</p><p dir="ltr">Kyan’s mum Amanda Brierley said he started learning piano just seven months ago, and unbeknownst to her, had started writing his own music. </p><p dir="ltr">"The thing that has given us some little part of Kyan to hold onto is when I found this composition he was working on in the middle of a blank exercise book," she told <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/radio/brisbane/">ABC Radio Brisbane</a>. </p><p dir="ltr">"I didn't realise that he knew how to write music. He said he wanted to know how to get what was inside his head out on paper and he must have been learning how to do that."</p><p dir="ltr">Amanda said Kyan’s neurodiversity gave him a “superpower” to focus and learn more than 30 classical music pieces in just a few months. </p><p dir="ltr">Earlier in February, Amanda posted a photo of Kyan’s unfinished work and asked other musicians to help finish it.</p><p dir="ltr">"This was just the intro, it is unfinished," she wrote.</p><p dir="ltr">"He was building up to a grand mid-section and then would do an ending but he never got to complete what was in his mind's eye.</p><p dir="ltr">"He imagined it to be performed by wind and string instruments, and of course his beloved piano."</p><p dir="ltr">Amanda said she has received dozens of submissions and hoped to collect as many as she could to help honour her "beautiful boy".</p><p dir="ltr">"Finding this composition was an unexpected gift from him," she said.</p><p dir="ltr">"Unfortunately we never got to hear him play it, so I want the world to be able to play it for me.”</p><p dir="ltr">"I just want to be able to change his memory from a tragic accident to something of beauty for others as well."</p><p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Facebook / Amanda Brierley</em></p>

Music

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Grieving Maggie Beer finds amazing way to honour her late daughter

<p>Australian culinary legend Maggie Beer and her husband Colin have found a heart-felt way to honour their late daughter Saskia. </p><p>Saskia, who shared her mother's passion for cooking and ran her own business, is about to be honoured in the form of a Churchill Fellowship. </p><p>"It allows people for, say, four to eight weeks, depending on what they envisage doing, of going overseas to find something that can't be learnt in Australia... that's the strength of it, and when they bring it back, they have to give back to the community in large what they have learnt," Maggie told <em>A Current Affair</em>.</p><p>"Through the Saskia Beer Churchill Fellowship, the people who are awarded that Fellowship will pay tribute to Saskia's life and continue her legacy through their passion for food," Winston Churchill Trust CEO Adam Davey said.</p><p>Two years ago, Maggie and Colin were blindsided by the sudden death of their 46-year-old daughter, who passed away unexpectedly in her sleep in February 2020. </p><p>Maggie said the beginning of the pandemic gave their family valuable time to grieve together. </p><p>"COVID to me was a bit of a gift, to isolate... we didn't want to talk to anyone except for our very closest," Maggie said.</p><p>After her daughter passed away, Maggie found solace in the kitchen: a space that they both shared a deep love for. </p><p>"My happy place is being in the kitchen... so it gave me comfort," Maggie said.</p><p><em>Image credits: A Current Affair</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Grieving mother of stillborn baby shocked by friend’s insensitive request

<p>A mother who recently suffered a stillbirth at just 29 weeks has shared her horrifying story to the<span> </span>Choosing Beggars Subreddit.</p> <p>“I didn’t want to put this out here, but I have no choice,” the woman wrote on her Facebook page.</p> <p>“(Name crossed out) bought me some beautiful gifts for Benjamin for when he was born.</p> <p>“A soft fleece blanket, cuddly elephant, booties, some clothes and a singing toy.</p> <p>“I didn’t ask for these things; as I said, they were gifts.”</p> <p>The poster went on to explain her son Benjamin came into this world stillborn.</p> <p>“A week later (Name crossed out) messages me asking if Benjamin used or touched the things she bought because if not … she wanted them back!” the woman said.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7839056/mother-stillborn-sad-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/7655a5d4ab3e423ab9141b3da884cc8d" /></p> <p>The screenshots of the messages were provided by the woman, clearly in disbelief.</p> <p>“Hey, hun just wondering if u used the bits n bobs I got for the baby?” she wrote. “If not I can give them to Laura’s little one. Hope your [sic] OK and resting up hun?”</p> <p>She then followed up with another message.</p> <p>“Let me know hun before I buy more stuff, save a bit of money before Xmas, you know how it is.”</p> <p>Finally, the grieving mother responded.</p> <p>“I’m not doing OK,” she replies.</p> <p>“I’m heartbroken.”</p> <p>“I can’t believe you’re asking me at the moment, but yes I still have the things except for the blanket, he will be buried with it because it is warm and I thought it was stunning. I mean … I hope that’s OK for you?!?”</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7839057/mother-stillborn-sad-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/5ee618fed9964347bb13692f9d10aa12" /></p> <p>While many would have stopped while they were ahead, the friend clearly did not get the message.</p> <p>“Aww hun, sorry I know its [sic] a tough time, I’m sorry,” she wrote. “I just needed to know before I spend anymore, is there a chance you have another blanky for him babe?</p> <p>“Like you said its [sic] nice and warm and Laura’s baby can have use of that.”</p> <p>“I’ve been having a tough time myself lately so I’m here online and on my phone all the time for u if you need to chat,” she then added.</p> <p>“Let me know though about the blanket quickly though.”</p> <p>While the woman ignored the message from her friend, the texts would not stop.</p> <p>“What if I popped round tomorrow?” she wrote. “I can pick it up then babe.”</p> <p>This finally provoked a response from the poor mother.</p> <p>“No! Don’t come here, please,” she wrote. “The blanket is in with Benjamin!</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7839058/mother-stillborn-sad.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/9ba7a5144e7e4806a68d8388f04985b7" /></p> <p>“You can have the rest (of the things) I’ll drop them off at yours, don’t even think of coming here. My husband is fuming with these messages you are sending me a week after I lose my baby.</p> <p>“They’re packed in a bag … I’ll leave them at yours. The blanket is with Benjamin he is having ‘use’ out of it thank you very much.”</p> <p>The friend responded again, this time defending herself.</p> <p>Reddit users took to the comments to bash the “friend” who had wanted the items returned.</p> <p>“Imagine harassing a grieving mother over stuff that amounts to pocket change,” one person wrote.</p> <p>“I hope the woman blocks her out of her life entirely,” another aid.</p> <p>“Wow … what a garbage human.”</p> <p>The poster informed the reddit chain she has since cut the friend off completely.</p>

Relationships

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Son's fury after being told to social distance from grieving mother at funeral

<p>Two grieving brothers have been told to move away from their heartbroken mother during a funeral for their father who passed away.</p> <p>The video shows the moment the men, in Milton Keynes, London, move their chairs to comfort their mother at Crownhill Crematorium.</p> <p>However, as they're comforting their mother, a funeral home employees walks in from the back of the room.</p> <p>“Sorry, you’ll have to put your chairs back I’m afraid,” he says, interrupting a eulogy.</p> <p>“You can’t move your chairs. You were told.”</p> <p> <iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FMKCommunityHub%2Fposts%2F1733831850107183&amp;show_text=true&amp;width=552&amp;height=749&amp;appId" width="552" height="749" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe></p> <p>The trio then separate and space their chairs out to the two-metre requirement.</p> <p>One of the man told Milton Keynes Community Hub’s Facebook page he is “absolutely heartbroken” by what happened.</p> <p>“Me and my brother haven’t been able to leave my mum’s side for two weeks as it is, being there for my mum, within her bubble,” he said. </p> <p>“I can sit in a restaurant, I can sit in a pub, I can live at her house, I can travel in a limousine to the crematorium with six. But when I want to give my mum a cuddle at dad's funeral, a man flies out mid service shouting stop the service and makes us split.”</p> <p>He said that the man scared his daughter and shocked everyone else.</p> <p>“This is not how funerals should be and with the guidelines in place for pubs, bars, public transport etc, how this can carry on at funeral is beyond belief,” he said. </p> <p>“A devastating day made even worse.” </p> <p>On Facebook, people called the incident “disgraceful” and “disgusting”.</p> <p>“It’s just awful,” one woman wrote.</p> <p>Another woman called it “absolutely vile and shameful”.</p> <p>“Horrific,” another woman wrote. “Words fail me.”</p> <p><em>Hero image credits: Facebook</em></p> <div class="post-action-bar-component-wrapper"> <div class="post-actions-component"> <div class="upper-row"><span class="like-bar-component"></span> <div class="right-box-container"> <div class="post-editor-container"></div> </div> </div> </div> </div>

Caring

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“She was so loved”: Grieving parents of baby girl who fell to her death on cruise ship speak out

<p>The grieving parents of baby girl Chloe Wiegand, who fell 45 metres to her death while on board a cruise ship, have revealed exactly what happened the moment the “unfathomable” tragedy occurred.</p> <p>Sitting down with the US version of <em>TODAY</em>, Kimberley and her husband Alan Wiegand described the moment of horror during what was supposed to be a relaxing family holiday.</p> <p>Kimberley Wiegand recounted the tragedy when she realised her daughter had fallen from an open window, hitting the concrete below. That was when she saw Chloe’s grandfather, Sam Anello, crying and banging on the window.</p> <p>“I didn’t know that she went out a window,” she said through tears.</p> <p>“I just saw Sam standing next to the wall of windows just screaming and banging on it. There was somebody from [the cruise ship] they kept trying to stop me. I just kept saying take me to my baby, where is my baby? I didn’t even notice the window,” she said.</p> <p>“I looked over it and it wasn’t water down there; it was concrete. Honestly to lose our baby this way is just unfathomable.”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet tw-align-center" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">“The first 30 seconds of the day, I don’t remember what happened. And then, it comes back and I relive what happened.” Kimberly Wiegand says of her late 18-month-old daughter, Chloe, who died after falling from a cruise ship <a href="https://t.co/VNoQ2RzvAC">pic.twitter.com/VNoQ2RzvAC</a></p> — TODAY (@TODAYshow) <a href="https://twitter.com/TODAYshow/status/1153269641147506688?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">22 July 2019</a></blockquote> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet tw-align-center" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">“She could get anybody to smile… I just know that she was destined to do such great things, but even in her short life, I truly believe she changed so many lives.” Kimberly Wiegand says of her 18-month-old daughter, who died after falling from a cruise ship <a href="https://t.co/vLtQQ5xwb1">pic.twitter.com/vLtQQ5xwb1</a></p> — TODAY (@TODAYshow) <a href="https://twitter.com/TODAYshow/status/1153270096850276354?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">22 July 2019</a></blockquote> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet tw-align-center" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">“We have a lot of questions – primarily, ‘Why is there an open window in the kids’ play area 11 stories off the ground?’” Kimberly Wiegand, mother of 18-month-old Chloe, who died after falling from a Royal Caribbean cruise ship <a href="https://t.co/CaN2AZNnjS">pic.twitter.com/CaN2AZNnjS</a></p> — TODAY (@TODAYshow) <a href="https://twitter.com/TODAYshow/status/1153270932795998208?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">22 July 2019</a></blockquote> <p>The couple spoke candidly about the unthinkable tragedy when they realised their one-year-old daughter had passed away, saying Mr Anello had been “very, very distraught” ever since.</p> <p>“You can barely look at him without crying, she was his best friend,” said Alan.</p> <p>Kimberley said the memory of her daughter lives on forever, but despite it all, she was forced to face flashbacks of the incident every morning when she woke up.</p> <p>“The first 30 seconds of the day, I don’t remember what happened. And then, it comes back and I relive what happened,” she said. “The thing that I latch onto is her memory, she just exuded love.”</p> <p>The grieving parents also have a few questions of their own, one of which is, “Why is there an open window in the kids’ play area 11 stories off the ground?”</p> <p>They spoke fondly of their daughter, who they said was “so loved” and enjoyed gardening and watching her brother play hockey.</p> <p>“She could get anybody to smile … I just know that she was destined to do such great things, but even in her short life, I truly believe she changed so many lives.”</p>

Travel Trouble

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4 books on grieving you need to read

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Losing a loved one is never easy, but it can be comforting to share the feeling with other people in similar pain. Books on grieving can offer solace and help you navigate through your experience. Here are four of the most popular suggested reads for dealing with loss and grief.</span></p> <p><strong>1. <em>The Year of Magical Thinking</em> by Joan Didion</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The classic memoir tells the account of Didion’s year after the sudden death of her husband, writer John Gregory Dunne. Didion’s cold, precise way of making sense of her mourning process and how bereavements cloud her memories and perception have been praised as a difficult yet cathartic read.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Excerpt: “Grief, when it comes, is nothing like we expect it to be. … Grief has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life.”</span></p> <p><strong>2. <em>Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss</em> by Hope Edelman</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">First published over twenty years ago, the core wisdom from this self-help book still rings true today. Edelman built the book on her own experience as well as interviews with hundreds of women who also had lost their mothers. She dissected how a daughter’s sense of self and perception of those around her can be transformed in the face of difficulties brought about by the absence of a mother figure, all in an honest, personal lens.  </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Excerpt: “Someone did us all a grave injustice by implying that mourning has a distinct beginning, middle, and end.”</span></p> <p><strong>3. <em>When Breath Becomes Air</em> by Paul Kalanithi</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The autobiography was posthumously published less than a year after the death of its author, neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi. After he was diagnosed with inoperable, metastatic lung cancer, Kalanithi worked on the book to ponder about his place in the world as a medical professional in training, a patient, a husband and a father, as well as about what makes life truly worth living. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Excerpt: “Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. But now I knew it acutely. The problem wasn’t really a scientific one. The fact of death is unsettling. Yet there is no other way to live.”</span></p> <p><strong>4. <em>I’m Grieving as Fast as I Can</em> by Linda Feinberg</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This guide was written by a grief therapist with years of experience counselling thousands of people in bereavement. Using real stories, she explained how a grief journey can be simultaneously unique to each individual and universal in the emotions and situations that it produced. She also offered advice on practical issues following the death of a loved one, including returning to work, finding support network and dealing with depression and anxiety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Excerpt: “I cannot live the rest of my life without my husband. But I can live without him for one day.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you have any recommendations when it comes to grieving? Let us know in the comments below.</span></p>

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7 truths about the grieving process

<p>When journalist, author and therapist Andrew Marshall lost his partner after a gruelling illness, he kept a diary documenting that first grief-stricken year, the things he did to stay sane, and the surprising things he learned. Twenty years on, Andrew opens his diary in <a href="http://t.dgm-au.com/c/185116/69171/1880?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.booktopia.com.au%2Fmy-mourning-year-andrew-marshall%2Fprod9781910453315.html">My Mourning Year</a>, and shares some universal lessons about grief with WYZA that he hopes might help others navigate their way through it.</p> <p><strong>1. Grieving is a kind of madness</strong></p> <p>“It exhausts you – and you feel like you’re the only one going completely mad. And in a strange sort of way you are, because the rest of the world is out there with their fingers in their ears, going ‘la la la la’ about it and not wanting to talk about death at all despite it being something that affects all of us. We don’t talk about it enough. Twenty years on, I’m happily married, but that loss is still a part of me. With anyone we lose – from lovers to grandparents – we sort of take them with us. And that’s comforting but also a bit complex and painful as well.”</p> <p><strong>2. The people who are there for you might not be the ones you’d expect</strong></p> <p>“That’s an incredibly comforting discovery. When you need them, if you let them, people will come into your life and give you the things that you need. It doesn’t really matter where the support comes from, but one of the things I’ve learned with the benefit of 20 years hindsight is it’s probably best not to get quite as upset with your family as I did because it’s not about you, it’s probably about them. And others arrive that will help you through it.”</p> <p><strong>3. Making big decisions in the first year is not a great idea </strong></p> <p>“I always tell clients, don’t move house, don’t have a new relationship in the first year – but I know men are more likely to. One of my friends lasted six months before he started dating after his wife died. As you can imagine, it was a complete and utter disaster, but I told him I thought he was pretty good lasting six months! But no, dating doesn’t help. It’s a distraction, but it’s better to face the madness and dive in rather than pretend it doesn’t exist.”</p> <p><strong>4. It’s okay to grieve in your own, unique way </strong></p> <p>“Forget ‘grief etiquette’; you’ve got to deal with it how you deal with it at the time. You’ll make mistakes and so will other people. And one of the worst things to do is to criticise yourself for ‘doing it wrong’. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no ‘right time’ by which to have moved on. Be compassionate with yourself.”</p> <p><strong>5. In a profound way, grief teaches you not to put things off </strong></p> <p>“I’ve learned over the years to have death as a constant companion and though it sounds kind of creepy, it has made me aware of my own mortality and it rather helps with the choices you make. You don’t put stuff off. You very much embrace that Latin idea of carpe diem and seizing the day.”</p> <p><strong>6. Honour milestones </strong></p> <p>“Especially the first year. On the anniversary, go out to lunch with a good friend. Talk about the person you’ve lost, if you want. Often hearing stories about him or her from someone else can be good, too. Even though they’re not [your] stories, it’s nice to hear them. And doing little things to honour that person is nice too – for me, it’s sometimes filling the house with daffodils around the time he died. But if you have a new partner, it can be a private thing, too.”</p> <p><strong>7. Do something that alleviates the loneliness </strong></p> <p>“In my case, it was dog-minding a crazy dog called Tyson, which I write about in the book. After my experiences with Tyson, I got a dog of my own and to this very day, going out and walking that dog is something that sort of keeps me sane. I was incredibly lonely, coming back to an empty house – it’s overwhelming. I had no structure to my life because I was freelance. But a dog gives you that. Dogs like a job, too – the dog I got after Tyson, his name was Flash and his job was to go everywhere with me. When you’re lost and alone, what could be better?”</p> <p>Have you lost someone close to you? What helped you get through it? Share your stories below. </p> <p><em>Written by Rachel Smith. Republished with permission of </em><a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/wyza-life/7-truths-about-the-grieving-process.aspx"><em>Wyza</em></a><em>.</em></p>

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The touching moment Prince Harry comforts grieving 6-year-old boy: "Everything will be fine"

<p>Losing a parent is never easy regardless of how old you are, and in Prince Harry’s case, the death of his mother was a public affair.</p> <p>Which is why, when he met a six-year-old boy on Tuesday who also lost his mother, he offered his condolences and told him that “life will be alright”.</p> <p>It started out as a standard royal walkabout. Meeting and greeting fans with eager royalists lined up along the barriers to get a glimpse of the Duke and Duchess.</p> <p>But it was then that Harry met six-year-old schoolboy Otia Nante and his grandmother Te Nante, 52, who then handed a letter to the Duke that her grandson had written himself.</p> <p>She told him: “He really looks up to you because he actually lost his mummy too.”</p> <p>In what can only be described as a moment of heartfelt kindness, Harry proceeded to take the little boy’s arm before he asked how old he was when she passed away.</p> <p>The little boy responded by saying, “Nearly one”.</p> <p>Harry then said, “Don’t worry about having just one parent, where’s your dad?” </p> <p>To which his grandmother revealed that she was responsible for raising the young boy.</p> <p>Harry then looked at Otia in the eyes and said: “Life will always be alright, you know that?</p> <p>“I made it to 34 years old and life is great. I have a beautiful wife and a baby on the way, your life is going to be sorted, don’t you worry about that.”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">Me too I lost my mother when I was 9 <br /><br />Picture and Story Credit -Daily Mail<br /><br />Prince Harry comforted six-year-old Otia Nante during his walkabout at the viaduct in Auckland on Tuesday after he learned that the schoolboy called Otia had lost his mother before the age of one. <a href="https://t.co/XHeO8nluNT">pic.twitter.com/XHeO8nluNT</a></p> — Muzvare Betty Makoni (@Betty_Makoni) <a href="https://twitter.com/Betty_Makoni/status/1057383471319015425?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">30 October 2018</a></blockquote> <p>After offering his advice, the Prince took a selfie with Otia, who was ecstatic with joy.</p> <p><em><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/royals/royal-tour-day-15-harry-and-meghan-tour-new-zealand/news-story/3efff298cb3af85d6bbd8cb331b583df" target="_blank">News.com.au</a> </em>reported that Otia’s mother had committed suicide and upon hearing the news, the Duke praised his grandmother for her commitment to raising him.</p> <p>He said to her, “You’re doing a great job, Nan. Nans are so important in our lives.”</p> <p>Speaking to <em><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/royal-tour-meghan-markle-and-prince-harry-charm-new-zealand/news-story/e45f0b2705c85d0077a2adf51dc2b5a4?memtype=anonymous" target="_blank">The Daily Telegraph</a></em>, the grandmother revealed the conversation she had with the royal and said, “Harry just said, ‘Everything will be fine, you will grow up to be strong and positive.'”</p>

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Dad grieves for daughter at wrong grave for 30 years

<p>A UK father has made the heartbreaking discovery he has been grieving for his daughter at the wrong grave for more than 30 years because of a mistake with the headstone.</p> <p>Manchester man George Salt’s daughter Victoria sadly died two days after being born in July 1988. She was buried at Southern Cemetery in Manchester.</p> <p>But an error made more than three decades ago – the headstone had been moved to an empty spot– meant he had been grieving the loss of his daughter at the wrong grave.</p> <p>The mistake was only realised this year when George found the gravestone, which also had 17 other names on it, had been moved.</p> <p>After checking grave records cemetery workers discovered the gravestone had been placed in the wrong spot in the 1980s and decided to move it to the correct location.</p> <p><img width="809" height="455" src="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/AA11/production/_102873534_grave.jpg?width=809&amp;height=455&amp;mode=max" alt="Victoria's gravestone" class="responsive-image__img js-image-replace" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>George, who had visited the grave twice a year for 30 years, told the BBC he’s devastated.</p> <p>“I looked down and was completely gobsmacked. I thought ‘where’s the stone gone?’.</p> <p>“I feel so let down. When you go to a grave you sit and talk and say what your troubles are and things like that, but the annoying thing is I’m talking to a piece of ground where she isn’t there.”</p> <p>George told The Mirror he had suspected something was wrong in 1988 but was reassured by authorities the gravestone was in the right place.</p> <p>Luthfur Rahman, Manchester City Council’s executive member for culture and leisure, told Mirror Online: “We completely understand Mr Salt’s distress and we would like to extend our sincere apologies for any upset caused.</p> <p>“There are more than 200,000 graves at Southern Cemetery and we strive to ensure the plots are well looked after.</p> <p>“The public grave had not been disturbed for around 30 years so it is unclear why the headstone had at some point during that period been moved to a vacant plot close by.”</p> <p> </p>

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