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How to receive criticism with grace and open arms

<p><em><strong>Tom Cronin is a meditation teacher, life coach and writer. He is the founder of The Stillness Project, a global movement that aims to help people on their journey towards calmness and fulfilment.</strong></em></p> <p>Put your hand up if you like to receive criticism.</p> <p>Of course you kept your hand down. No one likes to be criticised. To the point where we often hold ourselves back from doing many great things in fear of being criticised.</p> <p>I saw a quote this week by Aristotle:</p> <p>“There is only one way to avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”</p> <p>Criticism can cut to the core of our ego. It challenges all the false beliefs that we’ve had about ourselves. We tend to measure ourselves by the perspectives of others and when that perspective becomes negative, then OUCH! It hurts.</p> <p>I’ll let you in on a secret, which is not so secret now. I’m a recovering perfectionist, recovering in that I’ve been in ‘perfectionist rehab’ trying to wean myself off being a perfectionist. One thing about perfectionists is that we love to be perfect…. and what does criticism from others say about our perfectness? That it doesn’t exist! Our illusion becomes shattered and it’s brutally painful.</p> <p>It was for this reason that I held back from writing, speaking, and teaching. I mean what if someone faulted what I did? Heaven forbid! But the compulsion became stronger and it was a tussle between what was the natural flow forward and my ego holding me back in fear. The block was in my ego, so that’s what I had to work on… dissolving that pesky little thing (only it wasn’t little, it was gargantuan!)</p> <p>Through my meditation practice I was able to slowly dissolve the big E and allow my clear fearless expression to shine through. (Mind you it’s not totally dissolved, there is still some there)</p> <p>Sure, I get criticised. It’s going to happen. But now I see criticism as something very constructive. It’s up to you; it can be destructive or constructive. I find it useful market research that helps me refine what I do and become better at it. In fact, only the other day I asked my children to critique me as a parent. I sat them both down and said to them (true story):</p> <p>“Hey kids, so I have never been trained as parent and this is my first time at it. So I may be doing things wrong or things that you don’t like. I’m still learning. I want you to let me know how you’d like me to change as a parent and what you think I could do better?”</p> <p>To which they replied along the lines of:</p> <p>“Nah, we think you’re doing a great job Dad, you don’t need to change anything.”</p> <p>It was a nice to hear but I was seriously looking for some constructive criticism to help me become better at parenting. I used to really struggle receiving criticism, it was a painful experience. But not I welcome it with gratitude. It teaches me to evolve and adapt.</p> <p>But coming back to Mr. Aristotle, and his quote. What would you prefer? Not being criticised and playing the small safe, game or growing, expanding and inspiring others while you expose yourself to potential criticism?  You think Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Jesus, Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela were never criticised? The choice is yours and you have greatness within you to share with the world. So what are you waiting for?</p> <p>Share with us how you would like to share your gifts with the world in the comments below.</p> <p><em>Written by Tom Cronin. First appeared on <strong><a href="http://stillnessproject.com/" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Stillness Project</span></a>.</strong> <a href="http://stillnessproject.com/one-word-will-help-next-challenging-experience/"></a></em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2016/08/how-to-build-self-discipline-in-10-days/">How to build self-discipline in 10 days</a></strong></span></em></p> <p><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2016/08/bad-habits-that-are-actually-good/">7 “bad” habits that are actually good for you</a></strong></span></em></p> <p><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2016/08/4-proven-ways-to-worry-less/">4 proven ways to worry less</a></strong></span></em></p>

Mind

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7 hacks that will revive almost any plant

<p><strong>1. Look for signs of life</strong></p> <p>If your plant has turned brown and lost some leaves, don’t give up on it just yet. There is hope that you can revive a dead plant if the plant still has a few green leaves and pliable stems – buds are a sure sign too. Melinda Meyers, star and producer of Melinda’s Garden Moment TV and radio segments, says that reviving a plant takes patience (sometimes even years).</p> <p><strong>2. Think about the water</strong></p> <p>Plants that are over-watered appear wilted and may have brown or yellow leaves that make it look dead but with very moist soil. By contrast, if you have forgotten to water your plants,  the leaves will be brown but dried around the edges or curled up. Master gardener, Kristena LaMar, says that if you suspect over-watering is the cause of your plant’s demise, repot your plant in dry dirt. And if your plant is thirsty, water it! However, hold off on fertilising until the plant is in better health. Meyers warns that, “Fertilising a struggling plant can injure the tender roots of a recovering plant.”</p> <p><strong>3. Consider your lighting situation </strong></p> <p>If you recently moved your plant to a new spot, it’s possible it’s no longer getting enough light. Even if you didn’t move it, it’s possible its lighting situation changed. Did you recently buy heavier drapes? Plant a tree outside that’s now blocking the indoor sunlight? Try moving your plant to a sunnier window if it needs a lot of light. (Same goes with a plant that’s now getting too much sun; try a different location in your home.)</p> <p><strong>4. Find a humid spot </strong></p> <p>Plants absorb water through leaves as well as roots. So keep your plant in a humid spot that’s not too sunny and not too dry to help it recover.</p> <p><strong>5. Feed your plant carefully</strong></p> <p>People and pets aren’t the only things in your house that need food; plants can get malnourished, too. (Signs are discoloured leaves or slow or no growth.) Meyers recommends a fertiliser/nutritional supplement. Depending on the nutritional deficiency, providing the nutrition can help the plant recover nearly immediately within days. Other deficiencies may take longer – as in weeks – while others are chronic and may not ever fully recover, although these are rare with houseplants.</p> <p><strong>6. IV for plants </strong></p> <p>Another option for malnourished plants is a water-soluble fertiliser that will slowly release nutrients and is less likely to burn your plant’s roots. Add it to the watering can before watering plants. Only use fertiliser during the time when your plant should be growing. Over-fertilising or using the wrong fertiliser can burn the roots of the plant.</p> <p><strong>7. Compost</strong></p> <p>If you’ve tried everything, and your plant still can’t be revived, it might be time to let go. By composting your plants, the remains can be recycled as nutrient-rich dirt that can help your next houseplant thrive. Don’t beat yourself up – and next time buy a hearty, nearly kill-proof cactus.</p>

Home & Garden

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Woman "stuck" in the body of a child reveals dating problems

<p>A woman who says she is "stuck" in the body of a child has revealed the extraordinary measures she must take in the dating world.</p> <p>Shauna Rae measures 1.16m in height, making her the average height of an 8-year-old.</p> <p>However, the US woman is actually 22 years of age, and had her growth stunted by chemotherapy when she was young.</p> <p>In an interview with <a rel="noopener" href="https://people.com/tv/tlcs-shauna-rae-recalls-when-she-stopped-growing-at-age-16/" target="_blank">People</a> ahead of the release of her upcoming TV show <em>I am Shauna Rae</em>, Shauna said he has to take extra precautions when it comes to her dating life.</p> <p><span>“I have to have in-person conversations before we even think about going on a date. I have to know how this person reacts in public areas,” she said.</span></p> <p><span>“I have to know if they’re going to be able to deal with all the issues I have, because I can’t date someone unless they can take all of that on. And it’s a lot to ask someone to take on.”</span></p> <p><span>Despite her best efforts to meet her soulmate, Shauna said her "romantic life sucks".</span></p> <p><span>“I think I’ve dated like seven people. I attract creeps, a-holes – you know the typical ‘bad boy picture’ situation – and idiots,” she said.</span></p> <p><span>In the trailer for her new series, Shauna is seen meeting a man for a blind date, with the man thinking he is being pranked when she shows up. </span></p> <p><span>When Shauna was just six-months-old, she was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer and underwent chemotherapy treatment. </span></p> <p>“My pituitary gland was rendered almost dormant because of the chemotherapy,” Shauna says in the trailer.</p> <p>“The doctor told me I was done growing. My bones were fused, and my height is three feet and 10 inches (1.16m).”</p> <p>Shauna admitted to People that when she stopped growing at age 16, the revelation was "like a hammer crashing into glass".</p> <p>“It was a very difficult time,” she said.</p> <p>“It probably was the lowest time of my life, because I always imagined that I would be tall.”</p> <p>After spending time devoted to "bettering" herself, Shauna has learned to look on the bright side of life, and has come to terms with her size.</p> <p><span>“Being positive is just the best advice I can give, because at the end of the day, the only person that controls how you feel is yourself,” she said.</span></p> <p><span>Check out the trailer for <em>I Am Shauna Rae</em> here. </span></p> <p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/s7In-KGxduU" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p><em>Image credits: Youtube</em></p>

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How a ‘growth mindset’ helps us learn

<p>One of the most influential phenomena in education over the last two decades has been that of the “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2018/jan/04/research-every-teacher-should-know-growth-mindset">growth mindset</a>”. This refers to the beliefs a student has about various capacities such as their intelligence, their ability in areas such as maths, their personality and creative ability.</p> <p>Proponents of the growth mindset believe these capacities can be developed or “grown” through learning and effort. The alternative perspective is the “fixed mindset”. This assumes these capacities are fixed and unable to be changed.</p> <p>The theory of the growth versus fixed mindset was <a href="http://155.0.32.9:8080/jspui/bitstream/123456789/55/1/Mindset_%20The%20New%20Psychology%20of%20Success.pdf">first proposed</a> in 1998 by American psychologist Carol Dweck and paediatric surgeon Claudia Mueller. It <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9686450">grew out of studies</a> they led, in which primary school children were engaged in a task, and then praised either for their existing capacities, such as intelligence, or the effort they invested in the task.</p> <p>Researchers monitored how the students felt, thought and behaved in subsequent more difficult tasks.</p> <p>The students who were praised for their effort were more likely to persist with finding a solution to the task. They were also more likely to seek feedback about how to improve. Those praised for their intelligence were less likely to persist with the more difficult tasks and to seek feedback on how their peers did on the task.</p> <p>These findings led to the inference that a fixed mindset was less conducive to learning than a growth mindset. This notion has a lot of support in cognitive and behavioural science.</p> <p><strong>What’s the evidence?</strong></p> <p>Psychologists <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Peter_Gollwitzer2/publication/312340264_Mindset_Theory/links/59e77e3baca272e940e0b309/Mindset-Theory.pdf">have been researching</a> the notion of a mindset – a set of assumptions or methods people have, and how these influence motivations or behaviour – for over a century.</p> <p>The growth mindset has its roots in Stanford University psychologist Alan Bandura’s 1970s social learning theory of a <a href="https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Self-efficacy%3A-toward-a-unifying-theory-of-change.-Bandura/953070a862df2824b46e7b1057e97badfb31b8c2">positive self-efficacy</a>. This is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in specific situations or to accomplish a task.</p> <p>The growth mindset is also a re-branding of the 1980-90s study of <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-0663.80.3.260">achievement orientation</a>. Here, people can adopt either a “mastery orientation” (with the goal of learning more) or a “performance orientation” (with the goal of showing what they know) to achieve an outcome.</p> <p>The idea of the growth mindset is consistent with theories of <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2896818/">brain plasiticity</a> (the brain’s ability to change due to experience) and <a href="https://scottbarrykaufman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Basten-et-al.-2013.pdf">task-positive and task-negative</a> brain network activity (brain networks that are activated during goal-orientated tasks).</p> <p>The growth versus fixed mindset theory is supported by evidence too – both for its predictions of outcomes and its impact in interventions. Studies show students’ <a href="http://www.growthmindsetmaths.com/uploads/2/3/7/7/23776169/mindset_and_math_science_achievement_-_nov_2013.pdf">mindsets influence</a> their maths and science outcomes, their <a href="https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1111638">academic ability</a> and their <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1348/978185409X402580?casa_token=h8ioC3A2hkAAAAA%3Ac9rJPcLSWmi4NX8_U5wKBn1BKVsc4MQqbid4cQk1CMD4dEaPXC_5L1vKI2QHsn7NbUbbhwO1-8vFYlkb-Q">ability to cope</a> with exams.</p> <p>People with growth mindsets <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735820300040">are more likely to cope emotionally</a>, while those who don’t view themselves as having the ability to learn and grow are more prone to psychological distress.</p> <p>But the theory has not received universal support. A <a href="http://bahniks.com/files/mindset.pdf">2016 study showed</a> academic achievements of university students were not associated with their growth mindset. This could, in part be due to the way it is understood.</p> <p>People can show different mindsets at different times – a growth or fixed – towards a specific subject or task. <a href="https://hbr.org/2016/01/what-having-a-growth-mindset-actually-means">According to Dweck</a></p> <blockquote> <p>Everyone is actually a mixture of fixed and growth mindsets, and that mixture continually evolves with experience.</p> </blockquote> <p>This suggests the fixed and growth mindsets distinction <a href="https://hbr.org/2016/01/what-having-a-growth-mindset-actually-means">lies on on a continuum</a>. It also suggests the mindset a person adopts at any one time is dynamic and depends on the context.</p> <p><strong>What about teaching a growth mindset?</strong></p> <p>The theory has been evaluated in a range of teaching programs. A <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323565554_To_What_Extent_and_Under_Which_Circumstances_Are_Growth_Mind-Sets_Important_to_Academic_Achievement_Two_Meta-Analyses">2018 analysis</a> reviewed a number of studies that explored whether interventions that enhanced students’ growth mindsets affected their academic achievements. It found teaching a growth mindset had minimal influence on student outcomes.</p> <p>But in some cases, teaching a growth mindset was effective for students from low socioeconomic backgrounds or those academically at risk.</p> <p>A <a href="https://osf.io/preprints/socarxiv/tsdwy">2017 study</a> found teaching a growth mindset had no effect on student outcomes. In fact, the study found students with a fixed mindset showed higher outcomes. Given the complexity of human understanding and learning processes, the negative findings are not surprising. Dweck and colleagues <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-019-1466-y?fbclid=IwAR3eSTiOiVc3v8LARTfGwxTzlSDz4AiAFpLK-jK4VcJr57wI0eO8zyvwkEc">have noted that a school’s context</a> and culture can be responsible for whether the gains made from a growth mindset intervention are sustained.</p> <p>Studies show the <a href="https://www.scirp.org/html/8-6902186_77784.htm#ref37">mindsets of both teachers and parents</a> influence students’ outcomes too. Secondary science students whose teachers had a growth mindset <a href="https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1045824.pdf">showed higher outcomes</a> than those whose teachers who had a fixed mindset.</p> <p>And a 2010 study showed the <a href="https://rd.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs11218-010-9126-y">perceptions primary students</a> had of their potential for improvement were associated with what their teachers’ thought of the children’s academic ability. In another study, children whose parents were <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/113/43/12111.short">taught to have a growth mindset</a> about their children’s literacy skills, and to act accordingly, had improved outcomes.</p> <p><strong>It exists on a spectrum</strong></p> <p>Mindset theory seems to conflate two separate phenomena, both of which need to be considered in teaching: a person’s actual capacity such as intelligence, and how they think about it.</p> <p>Students should be aware of what they know at any time and value it. They also need to know this may be insufficient, that it can be extended and how to do that. Educators and parents need to ensure their dialogue with their children does not imply the capacity is fixed. The focus of the talk should be on: what you will know more about in five minutes?</p> <p>When I teach, in both schools and university, I encourage students at the end of a teaching session to identify what they know now that they didn’t know earlier. I ask them to explain how their knowledge has changed and the questions they can answer now.</p> <p>In the early stages of a teaching session, I encourage them to infer questions they might expect to be able to answer having learnt the content. These types of activities encourage students to see their knowledge as dynamic and able to be enhanced.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/127710/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/john-munro-13237"><em>John Munro</em></a><em>, Professor, Faculty of Education and Arts, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-catholic-university-747">Australian Catholic University</a></em></span></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/you-can-do-it-a-growth-mindset-helps-us-learn-127710">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind