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"Happy wives, happy social lives?" Men are more emotionally disconnected than women – what can be done about it?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/roger-patulny-94836">Roger Patulny</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hong-kong-baptist-university-2801">Hong Kong Baptist University</a></em></p> <p>Many of us are worried about loneliness and isolation, and both <a href="https://theconversation.com/dont-be-fooled-loneliness-affects-men-too-15545">decade-old</a> and <a href="https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/how-many-australians-are-lonely/">recent data</a> suggest they impact men more than women.</p> <p>Loneliness predicts health outcomes including <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1745691614568352">early mortality</a>, greater <a href="https://hqlo.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12955-022-01946-6">psychological distress</a>, and more <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41572-022-00355-9">cardiovascular, metabolic and neurological problems</a>.</p> <p>New research also links loneliness to <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-024-18770-w">more intolerant attitudes towards women</a>.</p> <p>These findings raise concerns over the causes and impacts of men’s loneliness and isolation.</p> <h2>A deep dive into loneliness</h2> <p>I recently analysed more than 50 indicators from a decade of data collected by the <a href="https://www.acspri.org.au/aussa">Australian Social Attitudes Survey</a>, from 2011–12, 2015–16, 2017–18, and 2022–23.</p> <p>My statistical models produced results for (self-identified) men and women, after controlling for the impacts of age, employment and partner status.</p> <p>I confirmed that Australian men are more likely to be socially and emotionally disconnected than women. I also found some reasons why this might be the case.</p> <p>I found men appear to focus their emotional energies primarily on their nuclear families and partners. Consequently, they over-rely on their female partners for intimate support and develop more distant, limited and transactional relationships with other people – and other men.</p> <h2>Men are more emotionally disconnected</h2> <p>The data show men continue to lack emotional support on a range of indicators. This puts them at greater risk of health impacts and potentially encourages more toxic attitudes towards women.</p> <p>A significantly greater proportion of men than women reported:</p> <ul> <li>receiving no support from their closest friend</li> <li>receiving fun/practical advice over emotional support from close friends</li> <li>having less contact with a close friend</li> <li>not having anyone for emotional support</li> <li>not feeling “very close” to their closest friend</li> <li>not feeling “love” as their most commonly experienced emotion in the last week.</li> </ul> <h2>Men have more distant, transactional relationships</h2> <p>Why are men in this situation?</p> <p>Masculinity roles are clearly influential.</p> <p>Traditional masculinity encourages men to appear capable, controlled and independent, avoid displays of “vulnerable” emotions or male-to-male affection (like hugging, touch or crying), and embrace the hetero-normative ideal of male provision and leadership.</p> <p>Such norms have been found to constrain male intimacy <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37531906/">by disallowing vulnerability</a>.</p> <p>My data show men tend to develop looser, transactional ties with more distant people. This may reduce the quality of the connection and its potential to reduce loneliness.</p> <p>I have found men are more likely than women to:</p> <ul> <li>think it is OK to befriend someone just because they’ll make a “useful” contact</li> <li>feel obligated to repay favours immediately (foregoing longer-term connections)</li> <li>be kind to others because they “value doing the right thing”, rather than because they empathically connect with or care about the person</li> <li>give and receive kindness from strangers (rather than more familiar people)</li> <li>seek help with household jobs from more distant family or friends</li> <li>seek practical support (money, advice) from private and commercial sources (rather than friends or family)</li> <li>not seek help from family or friends for emotional, sickness or care issues.</li> </ul> <p>This means many men retain an individualist masculine desire to remain emotionally aloof.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="TBJfz" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0px none currentcolor;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/TBJfz/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <h2>Appearing in control but becoming dependent?</h2> <p>So where <em>do</em> men turn for intimate, emotional connection?</p> <p>Most often, their families.</p> <p>Prior studies show partnered men are <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-024-18770-w">less lonely than single men</a>. My data show men revere the nuclear family institution and the core supportive role of women and female partners.</p> <p>Men are more likely than women to:</p> <ul> <li>believe having children increases their social standing</li> <li>believe family is more important than friends</li> <li>rely on family over friends for support</li> <li>have mixed-gender friendships (in contrast to womens’ predominately female friendships)</li> <li>see their (predominantly female) partner as their closest friend</li> <li>emotionally support their (predominantly female) partner ahead of supporting others.</li> </ul> <p>However, the masculine desire to be a “good nuclear family man” <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37531906/">can both support and impede</a> men’s social connection.</p> <p>Partnered men might feel less lonely but that doesn’t mean they give or gain sufficient emotional support from their nuclear families.</p> <p>My data show men are less likely than women to:</p> <ul> <li>plan or organise social and family activities</li> <li>have at least weekly contact with non-nuclear family or friends</li> <li>emotionally support their friends, family or children ahead of their partners</li> <li>have their partner support them ahead of others (women were more likely to support their children first).</li> </ul> <p>This raises several issues.</p> <p>If men cling to the notion that their primary role is to provide for and support their (female) partner – while she in turn emotionally supports everyone else – they risk becoming personally isolated through diminished networks and outmoded expectations.</p> <p>In this context, men who believe they should earn more than their partners <a href="https://theconversation.com/loneliness-in-the-workplace-is-greatest-among-men-with-traditional-views-about-being-the-breadwinner-230535">are lonelier</a> than other men.</p> <p>It also risks pushing the burden of maintaining social and emotional connections onto <a href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/">women and partners</a>, and men becoming socially and emotionally dependent on them.</p> <p>And it can “bake in” hetero-normative family-to-family interactions (organised by female partners) as the most “legitimate” form of socialising for men.</p> <p>This can be highly exclusionary for LGBTQIA+ people, along with single men and single fathers, who register among <a href="https://www.relationships.org.au/relationship-indicators/">the highest rates of loneliness in Australia</a>.</p> <hr /> <p><iframe id="qCmHw" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: 0px none currentcolor;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/qCmHw/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0" scrolling="no"></iframe></p> <hr /> <h2>How can men become more emotionally connected?</h2> <p>Feelings shouldn’t be seen as just a <a href="https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/">“female thing”</a>.</p> <p>Younger men’s more inclusive masculine attitudes can allow them to <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">subvert the “rules” of masculinity</a>, express emotion and embrace <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">“bromances”</a>.</p> <p>Men can also connect emotionally with other men through <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">jokes and humour</a> and participating in shared activities <a href="https://theconversation.com/lost-touch-with-friends-during-lockdown-heres-how-to-reconnect-and-let-go-of-toxic-ones-172853">that allow incidental communication</a>, like Men’s Sheds.</p> <p>The following initiatives may well help men broaden their intimate networks beyond the nuclear family. We could:<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/239194/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <ul> <li>help men into caring roles through more <a href="https://theconversation.com/loneliness-in-the-workplace-is-greatest-among-men-with-traditional-views-about-being-the-breadwinner-230535">family friendly employment and care-leave policies</a></li> <li>support initiatives such as <a href="https://meninmind.movember.com/">Movember Men in Mind</a> that encourage men to seek help, and improve their emotional expression and support skills</li> <li>encourage partnered, heterosexual men to broaden and diversify their intimate networks beyond the nuclear family bubble, and be more inclusive of single men, single fathers, and LGBTQIA+ people. <a href="https://thephn.com.au/news/the-mens-table-successful-mental-health-initiative-expanding-across-seven-new-regions">Men’s Table initiatives</a> could be of great value here</li> <li>encourage the development of more online <a href="https://theconversation.com/he-is-always-there-to-listen-friendships-between-young-men-are-more-than-just-beers-and-banter-200301">safe spaces</a> to form intimate bonds while avoiding toxic online masculine spaces.</li> </ul> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/roger-patulny-94836">Roger Patulny</a>, Professor, Academy of Geography, Sociology and International Studies, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/hong-kong-baptist-university-2801">Hong Kong Baptist University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/happy-wives-happy-social-lives-men-are-more-emotionally-disconnected-than-women-what-can-be-done-about-it-239194">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

Can money buy you happiness? It’s complicated

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cathrine-jansson-boyd-237916">Cathrine Jansson-Boyd</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/anglia-ruskin-university-1887">Anglia Ruskin University</a></em></p> <p>Consumer society is growing fast around the globe. In 2011 it was estimated that 1.7 billion people were living in what is considered to be the <a href="http://www.worldwatch.org/node/810">“consumer class”</a> – and nearly half of them are in the developing world. Consumption of goods and services has <a href="http://data.worldbank.org/indicator/NE.CON.PRVT.CD">grown at a staggering rate over the past few decades</a> and prompts us to ask: does it makes us happy? The answer’s not as simple as you might think.</p> <p>As a starting point, it is useful to look at <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=1A2siA19hKYC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false">reported life satisfaction</a> across the globe. In richer nations, people usually buy more products and services. Hence if consumption genuinely made people happier, one would expect people to be happier in wealthy countries.</p> <p>It is true that people in rich nations report greater levels of life satisfaction (one measure of determining <a href="http://worldhappiness.report/">happiness</a>) than those in poor ones. However, the picture looks a little different when comparing moderately and very wealthy countries as there is no difference between the two. This indicates that money and increased material wealth does not necessarily equal higher levels of happiness.</p> <h2>Being materialistic</h2> <p>In the past few decades, people in richer industrialised societies have become increasingly materialistic. There are two key reasons for this – first, because we learn by observing others, it has become acceptable. And second, because people use products as a means to <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/the-psychology-behind-retail-therapy-2012-11?IR=T">fill a psychological void</a> in their life. The latter is, at least partially, affected by marketing messages consistently telling us that consumption is the path to happiness.</p> <p>So when people feel they are lacking something in their lives they try to replace it with material possessions. But this often fails, as people usually misjudge what will make them happy. So what often happens is that people get a temporary boost from a particular purchase, but the pleasure tends to fade with time as they adapt to having it, leaving them unsatisfied.</p> <p>They then search for another product that can provide an even stronger pleasurable feeling – but, as before, it will again fade away. This continues as if we are on a forever spinning wheel of consumption. With <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/B:JOHS.0000005719.56211.fd">every search for a new pleasing purchase</a>, expectations subconsciously rise – and the result is that we often feel a need to increase the number of purchases made or to spend more money.</p> <h2>Feelings of insecurity</h2> <p>How consumers feel about themselves also dictate consumption patterns. Highly materialistic individuals tend to value possessions that are expensive, seen as high status and are easily spotted and recognised by other people. This is because materialism is related to <a href="http://ase.tufts.edu/gdae/cs/personal%20well-being.pdf">a lack of self-esteem</a>. Hence, feelings of insecurity lead to a concern about what others think about them – which in turn leads to attempts to gain approval from others by owning desirable products.</p> <p>This lack of confidence often originates from what kind of toys we played with in childhood. Many girls, for example, are exposed to unrealistic views of what women should look like when they are given toys like <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-35670446">Barbie dolls</a>. This unrealistic view is then internalised and can be carried over into adulthood. A <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-37543769">recent report</a> suggests that approximately 40% of girls and young women lack confidence in how they look. To alleviate the disappointment with their appearance, they are likely to embark on a quest to purchase products they believe will make them more attractive.</p> <p>The media also plays a big role in stripping people of self-esteem. Women’s magazines are designed to encourage them to consume expensive clothes, make-up and lifestyle objects to mitigate the insecurities they feel by comparing themselves and their lives to the models and celebrities inside.</p> <p>Men can be affected by the media in similar ways – an increasing number of <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/features/mens-grooming-is-now-a-multi-billion-pound-worldwide-industry-a6813196.html">men are influenced by magazines to consume clothes and beauty items</a>. When such insecurities are established, the appeal of consumption tends to increase – people are sold the message that they can buy “the very thing” that will help alleviate their insecure feelings.</p> <h2>Not all doom and gloom</h2> <p>Even though it seems that consumption is not synonymous with happiness it is not quite as straightforward as that. One key component for good mental health is to have a solid social support network. A constant pursuit of material possessions makes people disregard aspects of life that can contribute to general well-being, such as a healthy friendship network.</p> <p>It may therefore seem like a paradox that purchasing experiences can be the way to generate better social connections. Purchases made with the intention of <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/gpr/9/2/132/">having an experience</a>, such as a ski holiday or possibly <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-37550679">something more unusual</a> – such as “being” a celebrity for the day – can boost a person’s sense of happiness. This is often not because of the gratification caused by the thing itself but because it provides people with an opportunity to discuss their experiences with others. The joy of such an experience is that its benefits are subjective and thus not easy to compare – unlike a new mobile phone – which may not be as fancy as someone else’s. Consequently, you are not as likely to feel negative by having a “worse” experience than someone else.</p> <p>Perhaps the question that needs asking is not if consumption leads to happiness, but whether what we consume leads to happiness. As we are approaching the time of year when consuming often reaches an all-time high (<a href="http://www.mirror.co.uk/money/shopping-deals/black-friday-best-deals-2016-6630912">Black Friday</a>, <a href="http://www.mirror.co.uk/money/cyber-monday-2016-big-deals-6825898">Cyber Monday</a> and Christmas), it is worth reflecting on whether the purchases you make are going to genuinely fulfil your desires. Ask yourself if you should be buying more products, or whether it may be the time to buy theatre tickets for your friends to foster stronger social relationships.</p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cathrine-jansson-boyd-237916">Cathrine Jansson-Boyd</a>, Reader in Consumer Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/anglia-ruskin-university-1887">Anglia Ruskin University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/can-money-buy-you-happiness-its-complicated-66307">original article</a>.</em></p>

Money & Banking

Why are some people happy when they are dying?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/mattias-tranberg-941050">Mattias Tranberg</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/lund-university-756"><em>Lund University</em></a></em></p> <p>Simon Boas, who wrote a candid account of living with cancer, passed away on July 15 at the age of 47. In a recent <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clmykzrdnljo">BBC interview</a>, the former aid worker told the reporter: “My pain is under control and I’m terribly happy – it sounds weird to say, but I’m as happy as I’ve ever been in my life.”</p> <p>It may seem odd that a person could be happy as the end draws near, but in my experience as a clinical psychologist working with people at the end of their lives, it’s not that uncommon.</p> <p>There is quite a lot of research suggesting that fear of death is at the unconscious centre of being human. William James, an American philosopher, called the knowledge that we must die <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/170217/the-worm-at-the-core-by-sheldon-solomon-jeff-greenberg-and-tom-pyszczynski/">“the worm at the core”</a> of the human condition.</p> <p>But a <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/44577785">study</a> in Psychological Science shows that people nearing death use more positive language to describe their experience than those who just imagine death. This suggests that the experience of dying is more pleasant – or, at least, less unpleasant – than we might picture it.</p> <p>In the BBC interview, Boas shared some of the insights that helped him come to accept his situation. He mentioned the importance of enjoying life and prioritising meaningful experiences, suggesting that acknowledging death can enhance our appreciation for life.</p> <p>Despite the pain and difficulties, Boas seemed cheerful, hoping his attitude would support his wife and parents during the difficult times ahead.</p> <p>Boas’s words echo the Roman philosopher Seneca who <a href="https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius/Letter_61">advised that</a>: “To have lived long enough depends neither upon our years nor upon our days, but upon our minds.”</p> <p>A more recent thinker expressing similar sentiments is the psychiatrist <a href="https://www.viktorfrankl.org/">Viktor Frankl</a> who, after surviving Auschwitz, wrote <a href="https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/347571/mans-search-for-meaning-by-viktor-e-frankl/9781846046384">Man’s Search for Meaning</a> (1946) in which he lay the groundwork for a form of existential psychotherapy, with the focus of discovering meaning in any kind of circumstance. Its most recent adaptation is meaning-centred psychotherapy, which offers people with cancer a way to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4861219/">improve their sense of meaning</a>.</p> <h2>How happiness and meaning relate</h2> <p>In two recent studies, in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S1478951521000262">Palliative and Supportive Care</a> and the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1049909120939857">American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care</a>, people approaching death were asked what constitutes happiness for them. Common themes in both studies were social connections, enjoying simple pleasures such as being in nature, having a positive mindset and a general shift in focus from seeking pleasure to finding meaning and fulfilment as their illness progressed.</p> <p>In my work as a clinical psychologist, I sometimes meet people who have – or eventually arrive at – a similar outlook on life as Boas. One person especially comes to mind – let’s call him Johan.</p> <p>The first time I met Johan, he came to the clinic by himself, with a slight limp. We talked about life, about interests, relationships and meaning. Johan appeared to be lucid, clear and articulate.</p> <p>The second time, he came with crutches. One foot had begun to lag and he couldn’t trust his balance. He said it was frustrating to lose control of his foot, but still hoped to cycle around Mont Blanc.</p> <p>When I asked him what his concerns were, he burst into tears. He said: “That I won’t get to celebrate my birthday next month.” We sat quietly for a while and took in the situation. It wasn’t the moment of death itself that weighed on him the most, it was all the things he wouldn’t be able to do again.</p> <p>Johan arrived at our third meeting supported by a friend, no longer able to grip the crutches. He told me that he had been watching films of him cycling with his friends. He had concluded that he could watch YouTube videos of others cycling around Mont Blanc. He had even ordered a new, expensive mountain bike. “I’ve wanted to buy it for a long time, but was tightfisted,” he said. “I may not be able to ride it, but thought it would be cool to have in the living room.”</p> <p>For the fourth visit, he arrived in a wheelchair. It turned out to be the last time we met. The bike had arrived; he had it next to the couch. There was one more thing he wanted to do.</p> <p>“If by some miracle I were to get out of this alive, I would like to volunteer in domestic care services – one or two shifts a week,” Johan said. “They work hard and it gets crazy sometimes, but they make such an incredible contribution. I wouldn’t have been able to get out of the apartment without them.”</p> <p>My experience of patients with life-threatening disease is that it’s possible to feel happiness alongside sadness, and other seemingly conflicting emotions. Over a day, patients can feel gratitude, remorse, longing, anger, guilt and relief – sometimes all at once. Facing the limits of existence can add perspective and help a person appreciate life more than ever.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/234309/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/mattias-tranberg-941050">Mattias Tranberg</a>, Postdoctoral Research Associate, The Institute of Palliative Care, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/lund-university-756">Lund University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-are-some-people-happy-when-they-are-dying-234309">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

Happy Days star's warning to tourists after costly mistake

<p><em>Happy Days </em>star Henry Winkler has issued a warning to fans about rickshaw rides in London, after he was charged £134 (AU$250) for a short trip. </p> <p>The star revealed on X, formerly Twitter, that he was left with the huge bill after taking a ride on the pedicab, and attached a picture from the back of the rickshaw. </p> <p>“TRAVEL TIP: Do not take one of these bicycle taxis without absolutely negotiating the price first. This person in London rode us around in circles then finally to our destination seven blocks away … for $170 US!" he wrote. </p> <p>“My fault, I paid, but passenger beware!</p> <p>A few hours later, he reiterated his point and added: "Can NOT say this enough."</p> <p>Fans were quick to back the veteran actor, with one saying: “How can the guy do The Fonz like that?”</p> <p>Others urged him to take the tube or a cab instead, with one writing: "I would've taken you for free." </p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">TRAVEL TIP: DO NOT take one of these bicycle taxis without absolutely negotiating the price first. This person in London rode us around in circles then finally to our destination 7 blocks away...for $170 US! My fault, I paid, but passenger beware! <a href="https://t.co/l9yxNUkOuM">pic.twitter.com/l9yxNUkOuM</a></p> <p>— Henry Winkler (@hwinkler4real) <a href="https://twitter.com/hwinkler4real/status/1808556199824273671?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2024</a></p></blockquote> <p>Another former cab driver added: "London cabbies are known for being honest, knowledgeable, and decent-It takes a full year for someone to gain all the Knowledge necessary to become a cab driver. I believe they drive black cars. Anyway, this is a former cabbie telling you to grab a real cab."</p> <p>To which Winkler replied: "I did all the time. For that moment I LOST my mind."</p> <p>According to the U.K's Local Government Association, pedicabs have been able to charge extortionate prices because they are "exempt from the regulations which cover taxis and private hire vehicles.</p> <p>"They do not need a [license] to operate, are able to set their own prices and are not subject to checks on the safety and ability of their drivers, or the road worthiness of their vehicles."</p> <p>However, Transport for London is stepping in to license rickshaw riders and regulate their fares to bring it into line with other forms of transport in the city. </p> <p><em>Image: Mark Doyle/ Shutterstock Editorial</em></p> <p> </p>

Travel Trouble

Would you be happy as a long-term single? The answer may depend on your attachment style

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-pepping-1524533">Christopher Pepping</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/griffith-university-828">Griffith University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/geoff-macdonald-1527971">Geoff Macdonald</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-toronto-1281">University of Toronto</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tim-cronin-415060">Tim Cronin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/la-trobe-university-842">La Trobe University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/yuthika-girme-1494822">Yuthika Girme</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/simon-fraser-university-1282">Simon Fraser University</a></em></p> <p>Are all single people insecure? When we think about people who have been single for a long time, we may assume it’s because single people have insecurities that make it difficult for them to find a partner or maintain a relationship.</p> <p>But is this true? Or can long-term single people also be secure and thriving?</p> <p>Our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jopy.12929">latest research</a> published in the Journal of Personality suggests they can. However, perhaps unsurprisingly, not everybody tends to thrive in singlehood. Our study shows a crucial factor may be a person’s attachment style.</p> <h2>Singlehood is on the rise</h2> <p>Singlehood is on the rise around the world. In Canada, single status among young adults aged 25 to 29 has increased from <a href="https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/220713/dq220713b-eng.htm">32% in 1981 to 61% in 2021</a>. The number of people <a href="https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/220713/dq220713a-eng.htm">living solo</a> has increased from 1.7 million people in 1981 to 4.4 million in 2021.</p> <p>People are single for many reasons: <a href="https://www.ucpress.edu/ebook/9780520971004/happy-singlehood">some choose</a> to remain single, some are focusing on <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12147-020-09249-0">personal goals and aspirations</a>, some report <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/">dating has become harder</a>, and some become single again due to a relationship breakdown.</p> <p>People may also remain single due to their attachment style. Attachment theory is a popular and well-researched model of how we form relationships with other people. An <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/s?k=attachment+theory">Amazon search for attachment theory</a> returns thousands of titles. The hashtag #attachmenttheory has been viewed <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2022/08/20/why-attachment-theory-is-trending-according-to-dr-amir-levine.html">over 140 million times</a> on TikTok alone.</p> <h2>What does attachment theory say about relationships?</h2> <p>Attachment theory suggests our relationships with others are shaped by our degree of “anxiety” and “avoidance”.</p> <p>Attachment anxiety is a type of insecurity that leads people to feel anxious about relationships and worry about abandonment. Attachment avoidance leads people to feel uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness.</p> <p>People who are lower in attachment anxiety and avoidance are considered “securely attached”, and are comfortable depending on others, and giving and receiving intimacy.</p> <p>Single people are often stereotyped as being <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/01461672231203123">too clingy or non-committal</a>. Research comparing single and coupled people also suggests single people have <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2012.00793.x?casa_token=6iiCm5PjHgkAAAAA:0kBeofx3M-72YrkVppmNxdWBIAImFwm3lAakCnuiNXL20SVP1zaW7UeDIahW_43imAjSRXgtyN0hLVI">higher levels of attachment insecurities</a> compared to people in relationships.</p> <p>At the same time, evidence suggests many single people are choosing to remain single and <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/17456916221136119">living happy lives</a>.</p> <h2>Single people represent a diverse group of secure and insecure people</h2> <p>In our latest research, our team of social and clinical psychologists examined single people’s attachment styles and how they related to their happiness and wellbeing.</p> <p>We carried out two studies, one of 482 younger single people and the other of 400 older long-term singles. We found overall 78% were categorised as insecure, with the other 22% being secure.</p> <p>Looking at our results more closely, we found four distinct subgroups of singles:</p> <ul> <li> <p>secure singles are relatively comfortable with intimacy and closeness in relationships (22%)</p> </li> <li> <p>anxious singles question whether they are loved by others and worry about being rejected (37%)</p> </li> <li> <p>avoidant singles are uncomfortable getting close to others and prioritise their independence (23% of younger singles and 11% of older long-term singles)</p> </li> <li> <p>fearful singles have heightened anxiety about abandonment, but are simultaneously uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness (16% of younger singles and 28% of older long-term singles).</p> </li> </ul> <h2>Insecure singles find singlehood challenging, but secure singles are thriving</h2> <p>Our findings also revealed these distinct subgroups of singles have distinct experiences and outcomes.</p> <p>Secure singles are happy being single, have a greater number of non-romantic relationships, and better relationships with family and friends. They meet their sexual needs outside romantic relationships and feel happier with their life overall. Interestingly, this group maintains moderate interest in being in a romantic relationship in the future.</p> <p>Anxious singles tend to be the most worried about being single, have lower self-esteem, feel less supported by close others and have some of the lowest levels of life satisfaction across all sub-groups.</p> <p>Avoidant singles show the least interest in being in a romantic relationship and in many ways appear satisfied with singlehood. However, they also have fewer friends and close relationships, and are generally less satisfied with these relationships than secure singles. Avoidant singles also report less meaning in life and tend to be less happy compared to secure singles.</p> <p>Fearful singles reported more difficulties navigating close relationships than secure singles. For instance, they were less able to regulate their emotions, and were less satisfied with the quality of their close relationships relative to secure singles. They also reported some of the lowest levels of life satisfaction across all sub-groups.</p> <h2>It’s not all doom and gloom</h2> <p>These findings should be considered alongside several relevant points. First, although most singles in our samples were insecure (78%), a sizeable number were secure and thriving (22%).</p> <p>Further, simply being in a romantic relationship is not a panacea. Being in an unhappy relationship is linked to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316">poorer life outcomes</a> than being single.</p> <p>It is also important to remember that attachment orientations are not necessarily fixed. They are open to <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X18300113">change</a> in response to life events.</p> <p>Similarly, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0963721413510933">sensitive and responsive behaviours</a> from close others and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075231162390">feeling loved and cared about</a> by close others can soothe underlying attachment concerns and foster attachment security over time.</p> <p>Our studies are some of the first to examine the diversity in attachment styles among single adults. Our findings highlight that many single people are secure and thriving, but also that more work can be done to help insecure single people feel more secure in order to foster happiness.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/227595/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-pepping-1524533">Christopher Pepping</a>, Associate Professor in Clinical Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/griffith-university-828">Griffith University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/geoff-macdonald-1527971">Geoff Macdonald</a>, Professor of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-toronto-1281">University of Toronto</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tim-cronin-415060">Tim Cronin</a>, Lecturer in Clinical Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/la-trobe-university-842">La Trobe University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/yuthika-girme-1494822">Yuthika Girme</a>, Associate Professor, Department of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/simon-fraser-university-1282">Simon Fraser University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/would-you-be-happy-as-a-long-term-single-the-answer-may-depend-on-your-attachment-style-227595">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

5 tips to keep your dog happy when indoors

<p>The cooler months are well and truly here and the dreary weather is enough to make anyone a little sad, including our furry friends. According to a study by veterinary charity People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals, one in three dogs experience a downturn in mood during winter months. If the rain is preventing you getting out and about, here are five tips to keep your pooch happy and healthy when indoors.</p> <p><strong>1. Stair work/treadmill/indoor pool</strong></p> <p>Use what you have in your home. If you live in a multi-storey place, playing fetch up or down the stairs is a fun way for your pooch to get a workout. Alternatively, if you have a treadmill at home, use it to walk your dog on a rainy day. Swimming is also a great physical activity, particularly if dogs have joint problems.</p> <p><strong>2. Obedience training</strong></p> <p>Dust off the training books and work with your pooch to improve their obedience skills. It will keep your furry friend mentally active and dispel any boredom.</p> <p><strong>3. Hide and seek</strong></p> <p>Dogs need their senses stimulated – it’s why when they’re outside they will listen, sniff and dig out anything that’s out of the ordinary. Keep your furry friend entertained with a game of hide and seek. Place healthy treats around the house to get your pooch curious and exploring old surrounds.</p> <p><strong>4. Rotation diet</strong></p> <p>Rotating proteins (meats, fish, and poultry) and mixing in different forms of food (wet, dry and raw) will keep your dog interested in food and eating. Consult your vet about the type of diet your dog should be on for optimal health.</p> <p><strong>5. Play time</strong></p> <p>Interactive toys are a great way to pass time, stimulate and entertain your pooch inside. Puzzle toys, Kong balls with treats stuffed inside or just some one-on-one indoor play time will keep your four-legged friend happy.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

Science finally proves "Money doesn't buy happiness"

<p>A new study has proven that the old adage "money can't buy you happiness" is true. </p> <p>Historically, economic wealth and higher income households are often seen to have an increased level of wellbeing and happiness, with the extra money making way for less stress and more general comfortability. </p> <p>However, researchers from Canada and Spain have concluded this may not be true, with such surveys often including responses from people in industrialised areas only. </p> <p>People in small-scale societies where money does not play a central role in every day life are often excluded from these studies, as the livelihood of residents in these small communities usually depend more on nature. </p> <p>Now, 2,966 people from Indigenous and local communities in 19 locations across the globe have been included in a study, with researchers now finding that societies of Indigenous people and those in small, local communities report living very satisfying lives despite not having a lot of money. </p> <p>The researchers wrote, "The striking aspect of our findings... is that reported life satisfaction in very low-income communities can meet and even exceed that reported at the highest average levels of material wealth provided by industrial ways of life."</p> <p>Researchers concluded the findings are strong evidence that economic growth is not needed to be happy, with only 64 percent of households included in the survey reported having any cash income.</p> <p>Eric Galbraith, lead author of the study, said, "Surprisingly, many populations with very low monetary incomes report very high average levels of life satisfaction, with scores similar to those in wealthy countries."</p> <p>Researchers added that high life satisfaction is shown in these communities "despite many of these societies having suffered histories of marginalisation and oppression."</p> <p>Galbraith added, "I would hope that, by learning more about what makes life satisfying in these diverse communities, it might help many others to lead more satisfying lives while addressing the sustainability crisis."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p>

Money & Banking

Top tips for happy and healthy eyes this Autumn

<p dir="ltr">As the season changes, so do our healthcare needs as many people struggle with irritating allergies. </p> <p dir="ltr">With cooler temperatures, dry air and an increase in pollen often being synonymous with autumn and spring, for many people, leaving the house means having irritated eyes. </p> <p dir="ltr">Luckily, leading Ophthalmologist, Dr. Jacqueline Beltz has shared her essential tips for eye care during autumn with OverSixty, giving you the opportunity to enjoy the change of seasons without jeopardising your vision. </p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>1. Keep your sunglasses handy</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">While the sun is usually not as intense in autumn as it is during summer, Dr Beltz says that using sunglasses can benefit your eyes in many ways. </p> <p dir="ltr">“ Not only do they shield your eyes from harmful UV rays, but they also guard against wind and debris,” she said. </p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>2. Increase your lubricant eye drops</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">Dr Beltz said, “The drop in temperature and the dryer air can contribute to discomfort and dryness in your eyes, so consider increasing the use of lubricant eye drops to keep your eyes moist and comfortable.”</p> <p dir="ltr">By keeping up your eye drops in autumn, you can prevent further damage to your eyes in the long run. </p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>3. Clean your eyelashes daily</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">According to Dr Beltz, keeping up with good health and hygiene along the eyelid margins is essential, especially during the autumn months. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Cleanse your lashes daily and use a warm compress to optimise the quality of your tear film. This helps in preventing irritation and supports overall eye health.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>4. Consider a humidifier</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">To ensure a more comfortable environment for your eyes, Dr Beltz recommends adding moisture to the air can help alleviate dry eyes.</p> <p dir="ltr">She said, “Combat the dry indoor air by using a humidifier in your room, especially while you sleep.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>5. Be proactive with allergies</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">If you are prone to allergies, Dr Beltz said it's best to always be prepared ahead of time. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Autumn allergies are a reality, with triggers like pollen, mould, and dust prevalent during this season,” she said. </p> <p dir="ltr">“If you experience red, itchy, or swollen eyes, consider antihistamine eye drops. Keep your hands clean and avoid rubbing your eyes.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>6. Revitalise your eye makeup</strong></p> <p dir="ltr">While replacing your eye makeup is important all year around, the addition of allergens makes it even more important to Change mascara and non-cleanable products like liquid eyeliner at least every three months. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Especially if you have sensitive eyes, makeup products can harbour bacteria, leading to increased eye irritation.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“Refreshing your eye makeup products to options that are designed to be better suited for dry eyes or eye sensitivity.”</p> <p dir="ltr">If you are <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/beauty-style/embracing-the-art-of-beauty-without-compromise">prone to sensitive eyes</a>, consider trying the OKKIYO <a href="https://www.okkiyo.com/products/protect-and-preserve-mascara#xd_co_f=NzdiNzdlNTctNTA1MS00NTBkLWE1MGEtNjRkMGE2OTI1N2Vj~">Prioriteyes Mascara</a>, which was developed by Dr Beltz to prioritise both style and eye health.</p> <p dir="ltr">While these tips for eye health can seem simple and seemingly unimportant, Dr Beltz assures that by following these tips, you will make a world of difference for your eye health overall. </p> <p dir="ltr">She said, “Implementing these simple tips can make a significant difference in keeping your eyes comfortable and vibrant throughout the season.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Body

“Home for Christmas”: Jimmy’s happy health update

<p>The holiday season has just become a little brighter for fans of legendary rock star Jimmy Barnes, as he's set to be home in time for Christmas following a <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/our-jimmy-made-it-barnes-happy-message-from-the-icu" target="_blank" rel="noopener">successful open-heart surgery</a>. The news comes as a delightful update from his devoted wife, Jane Barnes, who shared a heartwarming photo of the smiling musician in the hospital, marking the positive progress in his recovery.</p> <p>"In the spirit of Christmas miracles, on the 6th Day of Christmas, my true love said to me… 'the doctor says I can go home on Friday,'" Jane joyfully captioned the photo. "Jimmy will be home for Christmas, and that's the best present I could ever wish for."</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C1BxwC3BcUO/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C1BxwC3BcUO/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Jimmy Barnes (@jimmybarnesofficial)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The Cold Chisel frontman, aged 67, faced a major health setback when a bacterial infection, battled for two weeks, spread to his heart, leading to the need for open-heart surgery. Despite the challenges, Barnes maintains a positive outlook, labelling the experience as "hugely frustrating" but expressing gratitude that "I know a lot of people are battling even worse things".</p> <p>In a heartfelt statement, Barnes extended his appreciation to the hospital staff for their exceptional care during his recovery. Additionally, he paid a touching tribute to his wife, acknowledging her unwavering support. "As always, I'd be lost without her," he said of the importance of Jane's "around the clock love and care over the last few weeks".</p> <p>Jane, the devoted partner of Barnes for 42 years, has been a beacon of strength and a constant source of updates for concerned fans. Her regular posts from the hospital ward have painted a picture of Barnes' inspiring resilience and the love surrounding him during this challenging time.</p> <p>This isn't the first health hurdle Barnes has faced this year, having battled bacterial pneumonia in November, forcing him to cancel planned performances. The iconic musician's journey to recovery has been closely monitored by his family, with daughter Ella-May Barnes providing updates during last year's holiday period when Barnes underwent <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/jimmy-barnes-gets-candid-about-surgery" target="_blank" rel="noopener">emergency back and hip surgery</a>.</p> <p>Jimmy's fans far and wide have joined together in celebrating this Christmas miracle, sending warm wishes for a joyful and restful holiday season for the Barnes family.</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Caring

"Our Jimmy made it": Barnes' happy message from the ICU

<p>Iconic Australian rock singer Jimmy Barnes has emerged victorious from a challenging battle with a bacterial infection that led him to undergo emergency open heart surgery. The Cold Chisel frontman, at 67 years young, faced a sudden health setback but is now on the road to recovery in the ICU.</p> <p>The journey began at the end of last month when Barnes was <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/jimmy-barnes-hospitalised-with-major-health-issue" target="_blank" rel="noopener">hospitalised with pneumonia</a>. His wife, Jane, has now provided a heartening update on Instagram, sharing a photo from the hospital and revealing that the surgery was successful. Gratitude poured out to the dedicated medical team who played a crucial role in his recovery.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0yULk4hvT6/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C0yULk4hvT6/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Jimmy Barnes (@jimmybarnesofficial)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>"I’m happy to let you know that our Jimmy has made it through his surgery and is now recovering in the ICU," Jane wrote. "We are so grateful for the incredible medical team looking after him. Thank you for all the love and support."</p> <p>Earlier, Barnes bravely shared the news that the bacterial infection had <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/bad-news-jimmy-barnes-rushed-into-emergency-open-heart-surgery" target="_blank" rel="noopener">spread to his heart</a>. Despite this unexpected challenge, he faced the situation with courage and underwent open heart surgery to clear out the infection and replace a valve. The infection had affected a valve replaced years ago due to a congenital defect.</p> <p>Barnes, who was set to headline the Rock the Boat 2023 cruise festival before falling ill, reflected on his recent peak fitness just weeks prior. The sudden turn of events required adjustments to upcoming shows, causing some frustration for the singer. However, his son, David Campbell, reassured fans on the <em>Today</em> show, emphasising his father's frustration for the fans and passion for supporting the music industry.</p> <p>"He is in wonderful hands," Campbell said, expressing confidence in the medical team. Barnes' son also encouraged fans to reach out to him on social media, assuring everyone that the rock legend would make a great recovery.</p> <p>As the music community rallies around Barnes, sending waves of positivity and healing energy, we look forward to a speedy recovery and many more years of rock and roll from the indomitable Jimmy Barnes!</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Caring

"Happy Birthday Roycie!": Rebel Wilson's big baby birthday bash

<p>In a world often filled with chaos, it's refreshing to hear about moments of pure joy and love. Rebel Wilson, the beloved<em> Pitch Perfect</em> star, recently shared one of those heartwarming moments with her fans as she celebrated her daughter Royce Lillian's first birthday. It was a lavish party that radiated love and happiness, leaving everyone with a warm feeling in their hearts.</p> <p>Rebel, at 43, has been a source of inspiration and laughter for many, but this time, she turned her focus towards her precious daughter. The actress shared adorable footage of Royce and the birthday celebrations on her Instagram Story, giving us a glimpse of the magical day she had prepared.</p> <p>The party was a sight to behold, with vibrant balloons decorating the venue and a mermaid-themed cake that would make any child's eyes light up with wonder. But that's not all; a cupcake tower was also part of the celebration, adding a touch of sweetness to the festivities. It was clear that Rebel had put her heart and soul into making this day special for her little girl.</p> <p>Rebel's Instagram post captured the essence of the day perfectly. In a touching picture, she held Royce in a chapel, presumably her christening, and wrote, "Happy 1st birthday baby." It was a heartfelt message that beautifully expressed the love and affection she felt for her daughter.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CzQyMTeLdwe/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CzQyMTeLdwe/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Rebel Wilson (@rebelwilson)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>And, of course, it wasn't just Rebel who was there to make the day magical. Her fiancée and clothing designer, Ramona Agruma, was by her side, capturing the moments with even more love. In her captions, Ramona used endearments like "my love" and "princess," showing her affection for Royce and the happiness she felt being part of this special day.</p> <p>We couldn't help but smile when watching the videos of the celebration. In one clip, Rebel and Ramona cried out "Happy Birthday, Roycie!" ... and the one-year-old responded with clapping hands, surrounded by pink balloons and presents. It was a moment of pure delight, capturing the innocence and joy of childhood.</p> <p>Although Wilson's work often keeps her in the United States, her heart remains in her native Australia. Currently, she is in Sydney directing her first movie, <em>The Deb</em>, and she made sure her family was with her during this exciting journey.</p> <p>In a world filled with uncertainty and challenges, Wilson surprised everyone last year by sharing the news that she had become a mom through a surrogate. She expressed her overwhelming pride and love for her daughter, describing her as a "beautiful miracle". She thanked everyone who had been a part of her journey and gave a special acknowledgment to her surrogate, who had carried and birthed Royce with grace and care.</p> <p>Rebel concluded by saying, "Thank you for helping me start my own family, it's an amazing gift. The BEST gift!! I am ready to give little Roycie all the love imaginable." And that love was evident in every moment of Royce's first birthday celebration.</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

Happy ending after company's awful retirement send-off

<p>An elderly gentleman in the United States, who had faithfully served as an "extremely dependable" employee for 42 years, recently experienced a remarkable change in his fortunes, thanks in large part to the generosity of individuals from Australia.</p> <p>John Bartlett, the dedicated worker in question, had received <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/retirement-life/you-deserve-more-company-slammed-over-measly-send-off-party" target="_blank" rel="noopener">underwhelming recognition from an unnamed company</a> for his decades of commitment. His daily 40-minute commute on public transportation to a job paying only the minimum wage went largely unnoticed until recently, causing widespread consternation.</p> <p>Sonia, one of his colleagues, was deeply moved by the perceived injustice and decided to share a video clip of Bartlett's story online. In her post, she expressed her wish that his hard work had been better acknowledged and thanked him for his unwavering loyalty. She noted that Bartlett loved his job so much that he was reluctant to retire, receiving nothing more than a barbecue and a certificate as a token of appreciation.</p> <p>After sharing Bartlett's story on social media, Sonia was inundated with messages from people eager to contribute to his well-deserved retirement. Responding to this outpouring of support, she set up a <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/happy-retirement-john#xd_co_f=YjM1NWNiYzAtN2QwYS00MDc2LTgzZWEtNzRiYzE2ZjczZDU2~" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> campaign, inviting the public to contribute "a little something for a better retirement" for him.</p> <p>Within a matter of days, the fundraiser received an overwhelming response, with donations and messages pouring in from around the world, including numerous contributions from Australians. The campaign was eventually closed after more than 1,900 individuals contributed, resulting in a total of A$57,454 for Bartlett's retirement fund.</p> <p>In his 70s, Bartlett was left speechless when Sonia shared this incredible news with him. She conveyed the global impact of his story and the messages of support he had received from people across the globe. Overwhelmed by the gesture, Bartlett could only smile and nod in response.</p> <p>“They left messages for you," said Sonia in the video. "So I’m going to print it out and go ahead and make something nice for you so you can read it on your own time. We started the GoFundMe because they wanted to give you something for your retirement on their part and it just blew up overnight. You deserve it, OK? I’m going to make sure everything goes to your account, just for you.”</p> <p>Supporters encouraged Bartlett to use the funds for special treats, like a grand holiday or for spending time with loved ones. Messages from donors expressed their heartfelt wishes for his retirement and new beginnings.</p> <p>Sonia expressed her gratitude to the donors, assuring them that every cent raised would be placed directly into Bartlett's account. In her final update to the GoFundMe account, she thanked donors for their kindness and reaffirmed her commitment to ensuring Bartlett received every penny, attributing the success of the campaign to their collective efforts.</p> <p>In the end, the power of community and compassion won out, as people from all walks of life came together to make a meaningful difference in the life of an individual who had dedicated so much to his job.</p> <p><em>Images: TikTok</em></p>

Retirement Life

The happiness diet: 7 foods to boost your mood

<p><strong>Mood boosting foods worth adding to your shopping trolley</strong></p> <p>For decades, our culture has focused on the connection between healthy eating and physiological wellness – most of all, related to weight. But out of a pandemic that made mental health a hot topic, you might also be gaining an awareness that the food you eat can seriously affect your mind.</p> <p>Research published in The British Medical Journal says diet plays a major role in how both our body and our brain are feeling. Poor nutrition can contribute to depression, anxiety, aggression (there’s a reason the word “hangry” exists!). But improving your diet, and knowing the right foods to eat, may help your mental health.</p> <p>Dietitian and certified intuitive eating counsellor Rachel Engelhart says certain foods can support your body’s processes that are responsible for positive moods and strong energy levels. Here’s Engelhart’s list of the greatest mood-boosting foods.</p> <p><strong>Fatty fish</strong></p> <p>Seafood like salmon, mackerel and canned tuna are rich in omega-3 fatty acids, which are ‘healthy fats’ with benefits throughout your body – from your heart to your eyes – and your brain.</p> <p>“Omega-3 fatty acids are anti-inflammatory and have the ability to cross into the brain, having a direct effect on mood-regulating molecules and neurotransmitters there,” says registered dietitian Kelsey Lorencz. Research has consistently linked low levels of omega-3s with mood disorders like depression and anxiety – and, according to a review published in Frontiers in Physiology, most of us don’t get enough omega-3 fats in our diet.</p> <p><strong>Yoghurt</strong></p> <p>According to Lorencz, “The bacteria in your gut can actually produce feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine.”</p> <p>Research has identified a particular bacterium that may have a strong impact on triggering these chemicals: a strain called Lactobacillus. One study published in the journal Nature found that feeding our gut with this good bacteria – found naturally in foods like yoghurt, kefir, and sauerkraut – doesn’t just keep the blues at bay, it can increase our resilience in the face of stress.</p> <p><strong>Bananas</strong></p> <p>Bananas aren’t just shaped like a smile – they’re a mood-boosting powerhouse. That’s in part because they’re also high in vitamin B6, one nutrient behind the production of the ‘happiness hormone’ serotonin. Bananas contain prebiotic fibre, which, along with that Lactobacillus, are essential for gut health that promotes a happy brain.</p> <p><strong>Cottage cheese</strong></p> <p>“The amino acid L-tyrosine is needed to make dopamine and norepinephrine, two neurotransmitters that affect our mood and can easily become depleted,” Lorencz says. She points to high sources like soy products, chicken, fish, nuts, seeds, avocados and bananas. But cottage cheese has a whopping amount of this amino acid, along with a few other mood-boosters in its arsenal. It’s high in protein, which is essential for our body to make and use its mood-promoting hormones, Engelhart says. (This protein is casein protein, which our body absorbs more slowly, sustaining energy levels, and may contribute to elevated moods, according to ongoing research.)</p> <p>Cottage cheese also contains selenium, a mineral that Nutrients research has suggested may be linked with lower rates of depression.</p> <p><strong>Nuts and seeds</strong></p> <p>Magnesium is a mineral that supports our body’s energy production – and not getting enough can lead to irritability, anxiety, sleeplessness and agitation, says Lorencz. Nuts like almonds, walnuts, cashews and seeds like pumpkin, chia and sesame are great sources of this vital nutrient, as well as tryptophan, an amino acid associated with good moods.</p> <p>Nuts and seeds can also be great vegetarian sources of those crucial omega-3 fatty acids.</p> <p><strong>Oysters</strong></p> <p>The ages-old wives’ tale about oysters as aphrodisiacs is still out for debate, but oysters can elevate one’s mood. They pack the highest zinc content of any food – a nutrient that’s linked with anxiety and depression when we’re deficient, says Lorencz – and contain tyrosine, an amino acid that helps our body produce the ‘feel good’ hormone dopamine.</p> <p>That’s great news for the shellfish-loving set. However, if you aren’t a fan of oysters, you can get this one-two mood-boosting punch from food like eggs, nuts and legumes.</p> <p><strong>Your favourite treat</strong></p> <p>“Having a varied diet is the best way to set your body up to produce the ‘feel good’ hormones that it needs,” Engelhart says, adding an important point: while this nutritious balance is important, so is treating yourself to food you enjoy. “So many of my clients are hard on themselves and rather judgmental around their food choices, and it negatively impacts their mood,” she says. “Sprinkling our day with a delicious coffee, a yummy dessert, or one of our favourite restaurant meals is also an important way to positively impact our mental health.”</p> <p>And if you want to be strategic about that treat, reach for some dark chocolate. Chocolate contains natural serotonin, and 2022 research found that dark chocolate has prebiotic effects in our gut, supporting stronger mental health.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/healthsmart/conditions/mental-health/the-happiness-diet-7-foods-to-boost-your-mood" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>.</em></p>

Food & Wine

Retirement reinvented: how to find fulfilment later in life

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tania-wiseman-1183187">Tania Wiseman</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/swansea-university-2638">Swansea University</a></em></p> <p>Retirement can feel like a strange time for many people. Gone is the routine of work, your time is your own – in theory. How to stop chores from taking over can become a tricky balance. Some people retreat and return to work. Often, those that persevere find they are as busy as ever – but not always with the fun leisurely activities they were looking forward to.</p> <p>It’s strange that this is so often the case because retirement is something many of us look forward to for most of our working lives. Indeed, it’s the one time in life when you can really devote yourself to hobbies and interests, leisure and pleasure.<br />This uncertain picture means that approaching retirement can be a time of fear – <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidkudla/2020/03/13/6-ways-to-ease-your-retirement-anxiety/">retirement anxiety</a> is a real thing. So too are the <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/retirement-stress-taking-it-too-easy-can-be-bad-for-you">retirement blues</a>.</p> <p>When you add in potential health concerns and financial worries, it’s maybe not surprising that a recent survey found that more than half of <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/money/more-than-half-of-over40s-feel-anxious-about-retiring-survey-suggests-b2146484.html">over-40s feel anxious about retiring</a>.</p> <p>One retirement challenge is how to replace the <a href="https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/ger-2020-0109/html#:%7E:text=We%20find%20that%20retirement%20changes,effect%20on%20the%20network's%20size.">friendships</a> you make through work. Indeed, it seems the people who fare best in retirement find ways to cultivate connections.</p> <p>The longest-running <a href="https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/">study on human happiness</a> found the thing that makes us most happy in life is our relationships and positive social connections – they also help us to live longer too. Indeed, this 85-year-old Harvard study shows that maintaining quality relationships has a huge benefit for our physical and mental health and wellbeing.</p> <p>Similarly, the charity The Centre for Better Ageing has found that <a href="https://ageing-better.org.uk/resources/later-life-2015-executive-summary">social connections</a> are just as important as money and health to a good later life.</p> <h2>Beyond routine</h2> <p>When it comes to retirement anxiety, <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-71672-1_2">my research</a> with retirees shows that most people who have been retired for several years learn to manage their concerns and develop <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-71672-1_5">satisfying and interesting lives</a>.</p> <p>As with a lot of us, most of their time was taken up with home-based chores, self-care, looking after friends and relatives and serving the community – along with working really hard to keep fit, so as to “age well”.</p> <p>But my research also found that negative notions of ageing can <a href="https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-3-030-71672-1">become internalised</a> and prevent people from having fun and making new connections.</p> <p>In my study, people said they were conscious that others might judge the <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/bfm:978-3-030-71672-1/1?pdf=chapter%20toc">suitability of their leisure choices</a>. While some rebels could only really enjoy a pastime if they knew their children would disapprove (think daytime drinking, gambling, watching TV, cycling on busy roads in a rainstorm and flirting with strangers), most were limited in their leisure choices by this concern.</p> <p>Several did not have any pastimes they enjoyed. <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-71672-1_6">Those who found a balance</a> had rich and varied leisure lives, but they preferred people from their own age group and a similar background, where they were less likely to be told how amazing they are, for their age.</p> <h2>From anxiety to adventure</h2> <p>While mixing with people from similar backgrounds and age groups can feel safe and comfortable. It can also mean you miss out on new and interesting experiences or having your worldviews challenged or expanded by spending time with different people</p> <p>Retirement is the ideal opportunity to mix things up and gently expand your leisure repertoire. It’s a time to embrace the convivial in the presence of others, not just the usual people you see.</p> <p>If you are happy with your leisure life, great. But if there is a little something missing, a little fun that could enhance it, consider adding in something new. Think outside the box of what’s “<a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-71672-1_5">suitable for your age group</a>”, (what does that even mean?). Indeed, age should not be a barrier to anything, age discrimination is illegal. So if you’re interested then it’s suitable.</p> <p>If you have limited resources learn a language with <a href="https://www.duolingo.com/">Duolingo</a> in five minutes a day. Then when you’re ready, find a language conversation group and join them for a social event.</p> <p>Learn a song, you can do it yourself using YouTube tutorials. If you enjoy that, you could join a community choir, or drag your friends and family to a karaoke night. You could even pick up an instrument and see how it feels to add percussion. Alternatively, perfect a dance at home and if you like it try a dance class – <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe4xqYSoiUo">pole dancing</a> has become very popular.</p> <p>If you have a bit more time to spare, explore taking an interest to the next level. There are local groups for many activities, including rowing, climbing, circus skills, martial arts and horse riding – what takes your fancy?</p> <p>Not an “organised group” person? Try Frisbee, a boomerang, kite flying, bike rides, skateboarding or roller skating. You don’t have to be with people, just being around them is interesting.</p> <p>For more sedate options consider a cinema club, jazz club, poetry group, or start a quiz team. If you like the TV show <a href="https://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-great-pottery-throw-down">The Great Pottery Throw Down</a> join a ceramic studio and unlock your inner creativity. If you have a free afternoon or evening, look at <a href="https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/">Eventbright</a> and try something random, because we don’t really know what we love until we find it.</p> <p>Nothing has to be a lifelong commitment. If you like it, carry on, if not, then move on to something else. Anything you try will make a good story to tell the younger people in your life – they need to know that later life is an adventure worth working towards.</p> <p>So defy expectations, knock down those mental barriers and try something different. Start today and see where it takes you.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/201358/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tania-wiseman-1183187">Tania Wiseman</a>, Associate Professor, Head of Therapies , Faculty of Medicine, Health and Life Science, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/swansea-university-2638">Swansea University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/retirement-reinvented-how-to-find-fulfilment-later-in-life-201358">original article</a>.</em></p>

Retirement Life

Gratitude amplified: Unlocking the key to happiness and deep connections

<p>In today's fast-paced world, filled with negative news, challenging experiences, and personal losses, finding joy and gratitude can often be a difficult task. </p> <p>As we naturally tend to focus on the negative aspects of life, it becomes essential to pause and cultivate gratitude, which can have a profound impact on our lives and the lives of those around us.</p> <p><strong>What is gratitude? </strong></p> <p>Gratitude involves showing appreciation for the things in life that are important to you, and taking a moment to notice and acknowledge these moments have proven benefits of lifting mood and helping you feel more positive throughout the day. Have you ever stopped to notice that there is something to be grateful for every day if we just take stock? It could be a person who kindly let you merge into traffic, a refreshing breeze on a scorching day, a beautiful rainbow after a heavy downpour, or a thoughtful call or text from a friend. </p> <p>Gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. We also know that Gratitude begets gratitude, meaning that any kind act is likely to bring kindness back, in spades! </p> <p><strong>Practice Gratitude – Write down 3 things per day</strong></p> <p><a href="https://theresilienceproject.com.au/">The Resilience Project</a> changed my life by introducing a simple practice: at the end of each day, we take five minutes to write down three things we are grateful for that happened that day. It could be as simple as a walk in the sun, a phone call from a friend, a stroll with your dog, or even a comforting cup of tea. </p> <p>Engaging in this exercise helps you articulate your gratitude and realise the abundance of things to be grateful for in our everyday lives.</p> <p>I personally experienced the transformative power of gratitude during the two years of COVID lockdown in Victoria while working full-time and home schooling my two boys, aged 8 and 10. Our family embraced this practice each night, which not only changed our outlook on life but also sparked positive conversations during dinner. </p> <p>Surprisingly, it was often the simplest things we were all grateful for, like homemade meals or cherished moments of togetherness.</p> <p>I distinctly remember preparing a hot meal and passing it over our neighbour's fence when their family was unwell with COVID. To our surprise, a few weeks later, they reciprocated with a homecooked meal. In those challenging times, a sense of community became such a source of positivity, and we were immensely grateful for the love that went into that dinner. </p> <p>So why not take the time to stop and smell the roses and practice gratitude? Who knows, over time, you may start to notice your stress levels decreasing, your relationships improving, and be blessed with a strengthened sense of community.</p> <p><strong><em>Melissa Cutajar is <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net/">Connected Women</a>’s Member Experience and Partnerships Manager. With a deep interest in health and wellness, Melissa is a source of positivity and creativity to the Connected Women team.</em></strong></p> <p><strong><em><a href="http://connectedwomen.net/">Connected Women</a> provides a community for women over 50 to connect with each other and build meaningful friendships. With a rapidly growing communities in Perth, Sydney, Wollongong, and Melbourne, Connected Women provides a safe and welcoming space for women to come together and share experiences. To learn more about the organisation and how you can get involved, visit connectedwomen.net.</em></strong></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Relationships

Holidays you’d be happy to spend your life savings on

<p>There’s nothing better than an amazing travel adventure that makes you stop, look at the world around and you have life-altering “ah-ha” moments. These are the holidays that dreams are made of. You’ve worked hard your whole life – go on, you deserve it.</p> <p><strong>Swim with sea turtles in the Galapagos Islands</strong></p> <p>Step right into your own nature documentary with a visit to the home of Darwin’s evolution theory. Get up close to wildlife that simply doesn’t exist anywhere else- Blue-footed boobies, giant tortoises and marine iguanas to name just a few.</p> <p>You can choose to live on board a cruise, or join an island-hopping cruise where you sleep in small hotels and hostels on different islands.</p> <p>Swim or snorkel with sea turtles and sea lions, hike volcanic craters or just kick back and snap away on your camera.</p> <p>If you really want to push the boat out (pun intended!) you could add another adventure. Explore Ecuador, where cruises to the Galapagos Islands depart from, or hop over to Peru and see the Machu Picchu. If trekking isn’t your thing, take a guided tour where you stay in a lodge each night, or board the Orient Express at Cusco to tick off another bucket list item!</p> <p><strong>Expedition cruise to Antarctica</strong></p> <p>It might be the coldest, windiest, emptiest, driest continent on earth, but an expedition cruise to Antarctica is one of the hottest destinations for a once-in-a-lifetime adventure.</p> <p>If spectacular iceberg formations and abundant wildlife such as whales, seals and penguins appeal to you, then this has to go on your bucket list.</p> <p>You can choose a cruise that retraces the footsteps of Scott and Shackleton, or one that offers activities for keen kayakers, photographers or wildlife enthusiasts.</p> <p>Most cruises depart from South America, so why not extend your holiday while you’re there and travel around South America too? We’re sold.</p> <p><strong>Track the ‘Big Five’ in Africa</strong></p> <p>Tanzania is well-established as one of the best wildlife-viewing destinations in the world, but when you head out on a private jeep safari at dawn from your luxury lodge, you’ll feel like there are just the incredible animals, and you.</p> <p>Tick off the big five: lions, elephants, buffalo, leopards and rhinos as you watch the sun come up over the Serengeti plain, one of the 10 natural travel wonders of the world.</p> <p>Include a stop-over at Kenya and visit a Masai village, or for the extremely adventurous, Mount Kilimanjaro isn’t far away. Finish your trip with some R&R time on Zanzibar, an island full of Arabian influence and stunning beaches just off the coast of Tanzania.</p> <p><strong>Grand Canyon and the Rockies</strong></p> <p>One of the seven natural wonders of the world, the Grand Canyon is North America’s must-see destination. Zoom over the parched red rock formations in a light aircraft or helicopter, or trek down to the bottom on horseback or on foot.</p> <p>Then fly to Colorado to start a tour of the incredible Rocky Mountains. Stay on a ranch in cowboy country and pretend you’re in a spaghetti western, spot bears, elk and bison in Yellowstone National Park and get a taste of what the pioneers first discovered when they started moving westwards. Keep heading north on one of the most spectacular journeys in the world through Glacier, Banff and Jasper National Parks, and finish your trip in stunning Vancouver.</p> <p>Prices vary depending on the level of luxury and length of trip.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Getty / Shutterstock</em></p>

International Travel

77-year-old woman takes a happy marriage into her own hands

<p>When it came time to walk down the aisle on her big day, Dorothy ‘Dottie’ Fideli had every box checked - except one. </p> <p>No partner stood waiting at the end to exchange vows with her, and that was just the way she wanted things. </p> <p>The 77 year old was, after all, marrying herself in an emotional ceremony at her O’Bannon Terrace Retirement Community, surrounded by her loved ones for her big day. </p> <p>Her reasoning was very simple, as she told <em>Today,</em> “I said, ‘you know what, I’ve done everything else. Why not? I’m going to marry myself’.”</p> <p>She wasn’t entirely alone at the altar, of course, needing someone there to oversee her all-important vows. And she had just the person in mind, turning to her home’s property manager, Rob Geiger, to do the honours. </p> <p>“I came in here and I told Rob,” she explained. “I said, ‘Rob, you’re going to marry me’.”</p> <p>He was surprised at first, but after Dottie explained what it was she was setting out to do, he was all too happy to step in and lend a hand.</p> <p>“She is a very incredible woman and she is full of life,” he said. “She has always thought of others.”</p> <p>Dottie’s daughter, Donna Pennington, was possibly her mum’s biggest fan, and eager to make her mum’s big solo dream come true.</p> <p>As Dottie explained, Donna had been right onboard from the very beginning, offering to get whatever was required, including Dottie’s dress. </p> <p>Donna even made sure that the wedding was properly catered and decorated, seeing to both aspects by herself, from doing all of the cooking to putting up a balloon arch in the home’s community room. </p> <p>As all good weddings should, Dottie had a cake - two-tired and covered with red roses - and heart-shaped cookies, as well as finger sandwiches shaped like wedding bells.</p> <p>When it came to the day itself, Dottie admitted to feeling nervous, but ultimately “really happy”.</p> <p>Initially, she’d intended for it to be something her nearest and dearest had come to expect from her in her quest to make sure everyone else was smiling - though things had taken an emotional turn as the significance of her message of self-love sunk in. </p> <p>As she explained it, “I do some crazy things around here just to make people laugh. When I see them all down in the dumps, I go get one of my outfits on and dress up and come down, and they smile.”</p> <p>It wasn’t Dottie’s first wedding, with her first occurring back in 1965, though the former hadn’t exactly been what she’d consider “formal”. </p> <p>She and her then-husband had exchanged their vows, before dashing off to home and work respectively. Dottie even noted that they’d been “doomed” from the start, as she’d opted to wear a black dress that day. </p> <p>She’d gone on believing that it was too late for her to experience her big dream wedding, until her daughter proved her wrong, to Dottie’s eternal gratitude.</p> <p>And now, Dottie plans on continuing on her journey of self-love, telling <em>Today</em>, “I’m at the point in my life where it’s about me now.</p> <p>“My kids are all good, and my grandkids, one of them’s going to have a baby … and I have a set of triplets that have all graduated from college. </p> <p>“So, it’s my turn to do what I want to do.”</p> <p><em>Images: Today</em></p>

Relationships

4 tips to ensure a happy and healthy retirement

<p>It’s the “R” word everyone is talking about. Retirement. And we want you to do it the right way! We’ve got wonderful visions of holidays, sleep-ins and taking time to indulge in whatever takes your fancy. Here’s your survival guide for a healthy, happy retirement.</p> <p><strong>1. Active living</strong></p> <p>Regular physical activity brings not just health benefits for your body, but for your mental stability, daily functional abilities and social skills too. Regular physical movement can be a simple treatment for depression, as it enhances your mood and creates positive energy. It also reduces your chances of getting heart disease, certain cancers plus it helps reduce the effects of osteoarthritis. Being active means better balance, agility and strength, and are less prone to falling.</p> <p><strong>2. Healthy eating</strong></p> <p>Healthy eating is a key strategy for healthy ageing. It is also an important factor in handling stressful times in our lives, such as the transition to retirement. Don’t waste time eating fast food, healthy eating is key to more energy and overall better quality of life. Cooking brings with it great satisfaction, so get out your cookbooks and get ready to get your hands, pots and plates dirty. Challenging your brain to try out a new recipe will keep you busy and others fed.</p> <p><strong>3. Social networking</strong></p> <p>Having a strong group of contacts is important when retiring. Be sure not to isolate yourself but instead embrace life and other people that are in it. Your social community may include all kinds of contacts, such as family members, neighbours, friends, colleagues from work, club members, and even religious community members. Boost your networks by joining the gym, volunteering at an animal shelter or helping out at local community events be it with schools or charity fundraisers.</p> <p><strong>4. Wishful thinking</strong></p> <p>Positive thinking and practical methods are key: When you envision yourself achieving your life dreams and set realistic goals the chances of success are high. Imagining a good outcome minimises stress, anxiety, can lower your blood pressure and put you in a good mood.</p> <ul> <li>Formulate dreams you’re truly passionate about</li> <li>Visualise the best possible outcome</li> <li>Tackle the obstacle step by identifying what’s holding you back</li> <li>Make it happen by actively planning what you’re going to do and how you will manage it appropriately, ie: money budgeting, getting out more, trying new things</li> </ul> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Retirement Life

“100 is just a number”: Centenarian’s sweet solution for a long and happy life

<p>When Shirley Goodman reached the milestone age of 100 years old, the last thing on her mind was slowing down. </p> <p>And the centenarian, who lives in Florida, has shared her advice for living a long and happy life - though what she had to say has taken many by surprise.</p> <p>Rather than stressing the importance of getting enough rest and following a strict diet, as we so often hear, Shirley believes her passion for having fun, doing what she enjoys, and eating her share of well-deserved treats to be the secret of her success. </p> <p>As Shirley told <em>Today</em>, “I feel great. 100 is just a number to me.”</p> <p>This is despite the two open-heart surgeries she has undergone - including a bypass, and the installation of a pacemaker and a stent. Shirley also experiences difficulties with her vision and her hearing, but nothing will keep her from embracing life and doing what she loves: dancing.</p> <p>“My legs are still working,” she said. “I’m an optimist. I try to do positive thinking all the time. That’s very important. I have a bracelet that says ‘Positivity’ on it. </p> <p>“I wear it every day and I try to stay positive.”</p> <p>She started dancing when she was just eight years old, even opening up her own dance school at 17. And while she did close down her business after marrying, she never gave it up, following her heart - and her dancing feet - in her free time instead. </p> <p>And in recent years, Shirley has taken that same passion to a whole new realm, establishing herself on the internet as ‘The Dancing Nana’. On Instagram, her family regularly share clips of Shirley dancing, and even participating in some viral internet trends, from doing ‘the floss dance’ to ‘the Tush Push’. </p> <p>It was the latter that propelled her to viral heights in 2019, when a clip surfaced of a then-96-year-old Shirley enjoying herself at her nephew’s wedding reception, outshining the younger guests on the dance floor with her spectacular footwork and twirls. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwLLINgB2uX/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwLLINgB2uX/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by The Dancing Nana (@the.dancing.nana)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“I would advise people,” she told <em>Today</em>, “if they like music at all, to keep it in their lives and don’t just sit home in a rocking chair.”</p> <p>“I attribute [my long life] mostly to two things. One is my family,” she later added, “I have a wonderful, devoted family. </p> <p>“And the jazz, the music down here in Sarasota, and my tap dancing. That’s what keeps me going.”</p> <p>And while Shirley has dabbled in other pursuits, dancing still holds the key to her heart, as nothing else quite took with her, with the 100-year-old confessing that she “wasn’t crazy” about golf, and played tennis until she was 90. </p> <p>“I only walk as far as my mailbox,” she added, “which is about five minutes.” </p> <p>She does, however, enjoy her share of yoga. Every morning, she FaceTimes her daughter for a session, and the two spend some mindful time together from their respective homes in Florida and New York.</p> <p>Another thing Shirley very much enjoys is a sweet treat. And as some longevity experts admitted to <em>Today</em>, many who reach impressive ages like Shirley don’t often focus on their recommended share of vitamins and other ‘healthy’ snacks.</p> <p>“I don’t eat healthy food,” Shirley admitted. “My kids would holler at me … but when I hit 90, they stopped bothering me.”</p> <p>As Shirley’s 71-year-old daughter Joan added, they all just assumed Shirley was going to outlive them, but that “you would not want to write a cookbook based on her nutritional recommendations. I think the secret is to enjoy what you’re eating.”</p> <p>Top of Shirley’s most loved menu is “anything that’s cooked in batter”, or some chocolate and other sweets of the like. She enjoys a piece of chocolate after each of her meals, and views breakfast as the perfect opportunity for a chocolate chip cookie - however, you won’t catch her nibbling on any dark varieties, as milk chocolate with some nuts is what she prefers to reach for. </p> <p>And when it comes to home cooked meals with some vegetables, Shirley isn’t a fan. </p> <p>“I say ‘cook’ is a four letter word, so I don’t cook very much,” said. “I eat very small portions, but I eat everything and anything I like.”</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Caring

Is the secret to a happy relationship knowing when to shut up?

<p>Conventional relationship wisdom says to speak your mind, and not to bottle anything up. That usually translates to talking (or shouting) it out with your spouse ‘til the wee hours of the night until the problem is solved or you both agree to disagree.</p> <p>But keeping silent may be the secret to a long-lasting relationship new research has revealed.</p> <p>A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family observed the interactions of 127 middle-aged and older couple, finding the longer couples had been together, the less willing they were to risk getting into heated arguments over petty matters. Instead, years of experience guided them to adopt “peacekeeping” strategies before arguments eventuated. This included changing the subject or “shutting up” when partners were angry or upset.</p> <p>This passive behaviour is traditionally believed to be damaging to relationships but psychologists are increasingly seeing it as the key to success for many unions. For older couples particularly who’ve had decades to air grievances such avoidance techniques were a successful way of keeping the peace.</p> <p>Researchers studied the 127 couples over a 13-year period by analysing recordings of couple’s discussions on sensitive topics such as the housework and finances. They were particularly interested in forms of communication known as “demand-withdraw pattern,” where one person makes demands and in response the other chooses to withdraw from the interaction. This form of communication typically leads to a complete withdrawal or further escalation of the fight, however, researchers noticed that the older the couple, both would successfully adopt these avoidance tactics.</p> <p>“It may be that both age and marital duration play a role in increased avoidance,” said the study’s lead author Dr Sarah Holley from San Francisco State University.</p> <p>Dr Holley explained that the older people were and the longer they had been married, the less importance they placed on “being right” (or arguing that they were right) and sought positive experiences instead. But it’s not to say the stereotype of “nagging wife, silent husband” is correct as researchers noted both men and women used these withdrawal tactics and similar patterns were found in a previous study between same-sex couples.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><em><strong><a href="../lifestyle/dating/2015/01/garden-saved-marriage/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span>Read one man’s story of how his garden saved his marriage</span></a></strong></em></p> <p><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="../lifestyle/dating/2014/08/whats-love-got-to-do-with-it/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Love can mean different things to different people</a></span></strong></em></p> <p><em style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="../lifestyle/dating/2014/08/budget-friendly-date-ideas/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Budget-friendly date ideas</a></span></strong></em></p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p>

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Is the secret to a happy relationship knowing when to shut up?