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Keeping intimacy alive after menopause

<p>When sex is no longer enjoyable due to the changes brought on by menopause, many women sadly give up, wrongly believing there is no solution. This can result in loneliness within a relationship even leading to separation or divorce.</p> <p>But there is help available and it comes down to addressing genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM), a syndrome no one talks about despite the fact it affects all post-menopausal women and unlike hot flushes, doesn’t go away.</p> <p>GSM covers a range of menopausal symptoms including incontinence, burning, stinging or itching of the vagina, delayed or impaired orgasm and reduced libido. The good news is, there is help available, even for women who are unable to use hormone therapy and it’s never too late to seek help and take action.</p> <p><strong>Treat the pain</strong></p> <p>Pain and discomfort during intimacy is often the result of vaginal dryness. This can be addressed in many ways including the use of lubricants or vaginal moisturisers but it’s worth talking to your GP about a longer term solution. For many women, menopause hormone therapy (MHT) will help.</p> <p>An alternative to MHT is radiofrequency treatment with <a title="https://www.inmode.com.au/pages/empower-rf" href="https://www.inmode.com.au/pages/empower-rf" data-outlook-id="5a8b7279-e5dc-4ab9-9f3d-b788bb0310ee">EmpowerRF</a> to rejuvenate the tissue and increase collagen and elastin.</p> <p><strong>Take it slowly</strong></p> <p>Often women want to rekindle intimacy with their partner but are not sure how to go about it and fear often inhibits them initiating any intimacy at all.</p> <p>A staged return to intimacy can help.</p> <p>This is achieved by an agreement to limit the intimacy to non-sexual cuddles, no matter the level of desire, for an agreed period of time such as two weeks.</p> <p>It’s a great way to reignite that spark in a comfortable way, before taking things to the next level when both partners are ready.</p> <p><strong>Try new positions</strong></p> <p>Laying side by side can give the woman greater control over the rate of entry and the depth of penetration. </p> <p>If there is pain, stop at that point and breath and only increase penetration once the tissues have relaxed.</p> <p>If pain is still preventing penetration, it is important to seek professional help to find a solution. </p> <p>An examination will determine whether there is any other reason for the pain. A doctor can discuss options including estrogen cream, radiofrequency treatment and even Botox to help relax the muscles.</p> <p><strong> Address incontinence </strong></p> <p>One in two post-menopausal women experience incontinence, which can be a large barrier to sexual intimacy. </p> <p>I have helped many women overcome their struggles with incontinence, using electrical muscle stimulation treatment (V Tone) and radiofrequency technology (Forma V and Morpheus8V) to rejuvenate the tissues and strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. It can be life changing.</p> <p><strong><em>Dr Judy Craig is a Perth-based GP and cosmetic physician. She has practiced medicine for over 40 years.</em></strong></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Relationships

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“Such intimacy is rare in everyday life”: The benefits of playing music can’t be understated

<p dir="ltr">Whether you’re driving in the car, riding in a lift, or attending a concert, music is everywhere. For many, our involvement in creating music stopped outside of high school music classes and attempts to learn the recorder, keyboard, guitar, or to sing.</p> <p dir="ltr">Or it might have included playing in the school band, taking music lessons as a child, or maybe even continuing to play at university.</p> <p dir="ltr">But playing music is something that often falls to the wayside as we get older, with the demands of work, home and family taking priority.</p> <p dir="ltr">Given that playing music has benefits for our mental health, including easing anxiety and depression, feelings of satisfaction with life and health, and even reduced alexithymia - a dysfunction affecting emotional awareness, social attachment and how we relate to others - it’s an activity that many of us can reap benefits from.</p> <p dir="ltr">For Stephen O’Doherty, the conductor and musical director of Golden Kangaroos Concert Band, music has been an outlet for expressing himself creatively and maintaining his wellbeing - and he has seen similar effects in many of the players he works and plays with.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Having outlets to express myself creatively through musical performance has been absolutely essential in maintaining my wellbeing and having a stable quality of life,” he tells OverSixty.</p> <p dir="ltr">“The (Golden Kangaroos) have many members who have joined later in life. For some it is a chance to take up the same opportunity they gave their children, encouraging them to learn music at school and wishing they could have done the same. </p> <p dir="ltr">“For others it is the idea that playing music will help them to keep their brains active as they enter later life. For others, or perhaps for all of the above, joining a community band is a way of finding their tribe, their people, a safe place where people of a like mind can learn, grow, and contribute together. </p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-fabcb08c-7fff-1eb6-5df0-bb5fac8b7edd"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">“Knowing the many life stories of our members, I can say with absolute alacrity that band contributes to their identity and self-fulfilment in ways that may never be explicitly known but are formative and extremely significant.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/12/gks0.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /></p> <p dir="ltr">With the benefits of playing music established, taking music into a community environment brings with it additional benefits to our wellbeing. In a study <a href="https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1163211.pdf">published</a> in the London Review of Education, Dr Debra Rodgers, whose PhD focused on community music and mental health-related stigma, argued that community music can be beneficial in helping both to distract participants from their personal worries and as a place where they can interact without fear or judgement.</p> <p dir="ltr">O’Doherty agrees, adding that playing in a group is a way for many to truly be themselves.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We know that learning music has beneficial effects intellectually and emotionally. Learning or performing with others adds a social dimension that, I think, is critically important,” he says.</p> <p dir="ltr">“At its best, playing in a well-run musical group helps us to express our emotions in a safe and structured way, and that is good for the soul. We are part of something bigger than ourselves and, when we play for an audience, we are (hopefully) gifting them a great experience. Enriching others also enriches us.</p> <p dir="ltr">“For many, band is the place where they are most fulfilled. Where their contribution matters. Where they will be missed if absent. Where they are safe when expressing their creativity.</p> <p dir="ltr">“To play music alone is good. It is personally satisfying and should not be underrated. But to play with others and achieve a pleasing outcome for an audience is a whole new level. It both fosters and requires a level of interpersonal communication between performers that is beyond words.</p> <p dir="ltr"><span id="docs-internal-guid-e143aaae-7fff-6987-5ac0-405baa4ff163"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">“Such intimacy is rare in everyday life. It enriches the human experience in a unique and very special way.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/12/gks2.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /></p> <p dir="ltr">For O’Doherty, playing music has had added benefits when it comes to his own mental health, including managing the symptoms of depression.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Depression is a serious and debilitating condition which, untreated, will attack our self-worth and seriously affect our quality of life. I have lived with this condition for my entire life,” he explains.</p> <p dir="ltr">“... if I can’t perform music I am not being fully me. I am somehow less than whole. Music is a way I find wholeness, an acceptance of who I am and of what I can contribute to the world around me. </p> <p dir="ltr">“When a black mood sets in and starts attacking my self-worth, playing music is one of the few things that can restore me, and I find joy and purpose in seeing the beneficial impact on the members of our group.”</p> <p dir="ltr">As for those who may have played music in the past or have always wanted to learn, O’Doherty suggests finding a safe place to give it a go.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Many people go through the stage of leaving their earlier musical learning behind. After school or Uni life gets busy!” he says.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I want to encourage people however to think about this: when you were the best version of yourself, was performing music part of the equation?</p> <p dir="ltr">If the answer is yes (or even maybe) then do you not owe it to yourself and your loved ones to return? And if you’ve not yet tried to learn an instrument but have a yearning desire to express your creative instincts in this way, what do you have to lose? </p> <p dir="ltr">“Find a safe place to explore your interest and give it a go! Creative expression is part of what it is to be truly human. Perhaps music is your pathway to a more fulsome life.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><span id="docs-internal-guid-809fc7b0-7fff-8434-37d7-a78b2cd98287"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Stuart Coster (Supplied)</em></p>

Mind

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Sex-ed for rest homes?

<p>More people are talking about sex in rest homes and Age Concern is thrilled.</p> <p>"The general public have been appreciative of us raising the issue," Age Concern Nelson Tasman manager Sue Tilby said. "Even older people themselves have rung up and congratulated us for bringing this topic out in the open."</p> <p>Buoyed by the "extremely large amount of positive feedback" after highlighting the matter last month, Tilby and her team now hope to have an education package on sexuality and intimacy in residential aged care ready by November to roll out to rest homes in the Nelson-Marlborough region. </p> <p>The issue had become a coffee table discussion in some workplaces and homes.</p> <p>"It got groups of people talking about it," Tilby said, before adding tongue in cheek: "I just thought it was an area that no-one had thought about because, as we know, sex stops at 40."</p> <p>Age Concern last month hosted a seminar on the issue for rest home managers. It was presented by Massey University School of Nursing senior lecturer Dr Catherine Cook, who has been researching the issue with School of Social Work Associate Professor Mark Henrickson.</p> <p>Cook said she was "absolutely delighted" by the work of Age Concern Nelson Tasman.</p> <p>"We need to put this in the public domain; there's going to be a ballooning ageing population."</p> <p>Cook said with little or no education or guidelines in place, aged-care workers generally used their own judgment, usually based on their own moral code rather than focusing on residents' sexual rights.</p> <p>"They are managing the situation as best they can but when dilemmas become complex, staff don't know what to do, " she said.</p> <p>​Since the seminar, the team at Age Concern had been researching the issue and "putting together information that's going to be helpful and non-confrontational", for rest homes, including case examples.</p> <p>"What we want to do is try and bring in real stories," Tilby said.</p> <p>The Code of Rights under the Health and Disability Commissioner Act would drive some of the policy.</p> <p>"For example, if a man chooses to bring a prostitute into the rest home, according to his rights, he can do that," Tilby said. "Some of the areas are very clear if it comes down to the right of a person."</p> <p>However, other areas were not so clear, such as "when you are talking about consent, dementia, family having a problem with things so these become a little more complicated". They would need to be handled on a case-by-case basis.</p> <p>"It's extremely exciting and privilege for us to bring this education into rest-home level care," Tilby said. "What we want to do is support the rest homes and make this topic a lot easier for them to deal with."</p> <p>The policies and procedures would be designed to help stop any ad hoc decision making based on the beliefs and values of individual staff members.</p> <p>It was likely the education package would be provided to rest homes at two levels: for the nursing/management staff and then for caregivers and other staff.</p> <p>Age Concern was keen to bring Cook back to Nelson to help develop the education package.</p> <p>Tilby said she believed Age Concern had buy-in from many rest homes.</p> <p>Once the package was delivered to rest homes in Nelson-Marlborough, it could go out nationally.</p> <p>"I think it would be really beneficial to share it [nationwide] through Age Concern," Tilby said.</p> <p><em>Written by Cherie Sivignon. First appeared on <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz.</span></strong></a></em></p>

Retirement Life

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How body image issues hold you back from intimacy

<p><strong><em>Dorrie Jacobson, 81, an internationally recognised expert on ageing stylishly, writes for her popular website <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.seniorstylebible.com/" target="_blank">Senior Style Bible</a></span>. She also writes about senior sexuality and her experiences with online dating as an older woman. </em></strong></p> <p>Body image is big business. Everywhere you look there are images of young, physically fit women telling us that we must live up to their perfect standard of beauty. The level of physical perfection that the media perpetuates as the “new ideal” is simply unobtainable for the majority of women to achieve. So it’s no wonder that we judge ourselves so critically and harshly, often hating our bodies for the slightest imperfection. No matter how much we exercise, diet and take care of our bodies, time and gravity take a toll on everyone. Bodies change. Yes, we can remain strong, agile and physically fit as we age, but we can only do so much to preserve the figures that we had in our prime. The loss of perfection is mourned more by some, than others, but all women take a self-esteem hit when those once pert bits start to jiggle. We tend to feel less attractive in our older, less than perfect bodies, and at some point we look around to discover that our self-confidence has taken a major nose dive. It’s not a sexy feeling.</p> <p>So what impact does this have on our lives? For some women, not much, but for others, it’s a game changer. I think many mature women still crave passion and intimacy with a significant other, but are hesitant to invite it back into their lives because of their negative body image, and the fear that they are no longer sexually attractive to others. I think most women over 50 have some body issues, but the question is, how much do they affect the way we live our lives and the choices we make?</p> <p>My experience as a Playboy Bunny and a model made me very aware of my body and the value that is placed on women’s physical assets. As someone who was defined by my looks for many years, I am hyper-aware of the insecurities that come crashing in as our bodies age. So while keeping your weight in check, exercising and wearing Spanx can give the illusion of a great body when dressed, we all have to come to terms with the imperfect image we see in the mirror when naked. That’s our truth and there is no hiding it from others or ourselves, because it will get in the way of creating and sustaining truly intimate connections.</p> <p>So, if you’re feeling insecure about your body, and think that a fear of rejection may be what’s holding you back from dating again, then it’s time to resolve those body image issues. I think that it’s important to remember that the women with the greatest sex appeal are often not shapely or beautiful at all, but they do project an air of self-confidence that is alluring and sexually enticing to men. They know how to flirt, and they are confident in the use of their sex appeal.  They know how to make that man feel special and desirable and that’s what makes them attractive. It’s not always the most beautiful women who are the most seductive.</p> <p>No doubt dim lights, soft music, sexy lingerie, and a glass of bubbly will set the mood, but the key word is attitude. Sex should be fun and you can’t be in the moment if you’re hiding under the covers.</p> <p>When I mustered up the courage to discuss this topic with a few sexually active senior men, I did not get the response that I was expecting. They told me that yes, of course they are turned on by beautiful young bodies, BUT the passion, warmth, tenderness, and understanding they got from a partner closer to their own age was much more important than their physical appearance. I think it’s also important to remember that men have body image and performance anxiety as well. So, if we love ourselves and feel sexy then that is what we are and how we are seen.</p> <p>I know it can be challenging to embrace your body and sexuality at this late date, but it can be done, and I say this from personal experience. At 80 years old I began dating again. Not only that, but I put aside my fears and became sexually active again, because I think physical intimacy keeps us connected to our own bodies as well as other people. It’s not an essential ingredient in everyone’s later years, but if it’s something that you are missing out on, and want back in your life, let me assure you that it is never too late to get your mojo back, or your groove on!</p> <p><em>For more of Dorrie Jacobson, please visit <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.seniorstylebible.com/" target="_blank">Senior Style Bible</a></strong></span> or her <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/seniorstylebible/?hl=en" target="_blank">popular Instagram here.</a></span></strong></em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/09/how-to-deal-with-rejection-in-romance/"><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">How to deal with rejection in romance</span></strong></em></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/09/ways-to-keep-the-magic-in-your-relationship/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">6 ways to keep the magic in your relationship</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/09/robyn-lee-on-living-on-my-own/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">I love being on my own</span></em></strong></a></p>

Relationships

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Why sex and intimacy diminish after 60 (and what to do about)

<p><em><strong>Bettina Arndt, former sex therapist and current online dating coach, explains how sex and intimacy change for couples after 60 and offers her tips on how to bring the spice back into the bedroom.</strong></em></p> <p>Alex Comfort, the author of <em>The Joy of Se</em>x once said the things that stop you from having sex in old age are the same things that stop you from riding a bicycle: bad health, thinking it’s silly and no bicycle.</p> <p>These days most of us have got over the idea that sex in old age is silly – it is now accepted that many people enjoy lovemaking through to their final years. But there are still many problems with bicycles – many older women find themselves without one, when they lose their partners. But health problems are one of the major passion-killers, as they underlie many men’s erection problems and also contribute to women experiencing painful intercourse. Although bad health does impose limitations, we find a way around these when it really matters so lovemaking should be a similar priority.</p> <p>Another common issue is couple’s with mix-matched sex drives. It’s very easy for a woman with low desire – or indeed for a man in the same situation – to dismiss the problem as unimportant. Yet for the partner still craving physical intimacy it is degrading to have to beg for sex or live with constant sexual rejection. This is not a trivial issue and many marriages break up because of the lack of physical intimacy. So the first step is to acknowledge the problem is real and to talk openly about it. It can help to read a book like The Sex Diaries which is based on diaries from 98 couples showing how they deal with mismatched desire problems.  </p> <p>There’s a lot couples can do to introduce new ideas to spark up a sexual relationship. It’s about creating sexual tension: write him an email describing what you plan to do for him later that day; send each other sexual messages; buy a bottle of lubricant and send him a photo of it with a cryptic message – “Tonight?” Plan a weekend away somewhere where there’s a spa bath you can enjoy together (take lots of tiny candles to create the right flattering lighting).</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/dating/2015/01/sex-after-60/">The joys of sex after 60</a></span></strong></em></p> <p><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/dating/2015/02/reasons-to-have-more-sex/">7 reasons to have more sex after 60</a></span></strong></em></p> <p><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/dating/2015/02/secret-of-happy-couples/">7 things all happy couples do</a></span></strong></em></p>

Relationships

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6 ways to keep the magic in your relationship

<p><strong><em>Dr Carmen Harra is a best-selling author, clinical psychologist, and relationship expert.</em></strong></p> <p>Everything seems beautiful in the beginning and circumstances wear out even the most blissful relationships. Before the arguments, responsibilities, and kids, you were thinking of ways to spend more quality time. By the umpteenth year, you’re contemplating ways to get away on your own. It’s a process that all long-term relationships endure. But this process, ironically, can also strengthen your loving bond: the more you overcome together, the stronger you become together. Once you realize this fact, you and your partner can work towards re-establishing that light-hearted magic that was abundant in the beginning. Believe me that if it was there once, it can be revived. Take these tips to reignite the romantic spark and uphold your chemistry well after the first few years:</p> <p><strong>1. Anticipate change</strong></p> <p>People are constantly changing: who you are now is not who you were last year, last month, or even last week. But unlike a teenager passing through puberty, change isn’t always obvious. It’s easy to become oblivious to your partner’s changes because you see this person so often. Understand how your loved one is transforming and adapt yourself to him or her. In the case of physical change, make it known to your partner that you notice the new look: always compliment a different hairstyle, weight loss, fresh wardrobe, etc. Remain well ahead of changes by preparing for the next phase of your relationship and strategizing how you’ll pass through it side by side. You should also ask yourself this question regularly: is my relationship evolving, or only changing? A relationship should not only shift, but shift positively over time as both partners work to resolve outstanding issues. Evolve in the same direction as your significant other. If this is not happening, it’s time to evaluate at what point the relationship became stagnant.</p> <p><strong>2. Keep out external influences</strong></p> <p>Nothing kills the magic of a good relationship quite like a jealous friend, a spiteful mother-in-law, or the drinking buddy who cajoles your partner to stay out all night. Such negative influences must be cut out like weeds. Come to a mutual agreement with your partner to adopt an us-against-the-world mentality: never to speak badly of one another to outsiders, not to allow yourselves to be swayed by other people, and always to consult each other first.</p> <p><strong>3. Maintain emotional intimacy</strong></p> <p>Emotional intimacy the glue of any love relationship. It is knowing what your partner needs before they even get a chance to ask – feeling their emotions, needs, and desires as if they were your own. Emotional intimacy is much more powerful than physical intimacy because it delves deep into your loved one’s wishes, fears, and hopes. Maintain this sense of intimacy with your partner by paying attention to how they’re behaving day by day: what’s bothering them? What can you do to relieve their worries? Comprehend what it is that your partner needs most from you at any given moment – is it to be nurtured or to be left alone? This sense of “knowing” your significant other will keep you perfectly in tune as a couple.</p> <p><strong>4. Go on new adventures</strong></p> <p>The daily grind becomes boring to say the least. Doing the same things every day can quickly kill the spark. Break out of routine as often as you can. Travel with your partner, even if it’s a road trip or a weekend getaway. Try new restaurants and take up new hobbies. Even if it’s something out of your comfort zone, find joy in the fact that you’re engaging in a different activity with your other half.</p> <p><strong>5. Ask</strong></p> <p>There’s a wrong way and a right way to communicate. The wrong way is bombarding your partner with all of your problems as soon as they walk through the door after a long day at work. The right way is waiting until they unwind, then gently bringing up one subject of genuine concern (one, not 20). Ask about their day before you begin. Find out what’s important to them, what are their plans, how can you help, etc. Listen intently when they open up to you before responding. It’s important to get your partner to let their guard down before embarking on a subject you’re keen to discuss. Your partner is more likely to be receptive if you’re already engaged in a comfortable conversation.</p> <p><strong>6. Be sexy</strong></p> <p>Many men and women find that their sex drive dwindles after years of being with the same person. Adrenaline and dopamine levels drop with time and with them, the rush and excitement that accompany intercourse. While this is normal, it is not a good indication. Sex is an integral part of any good relationship; the moment that it dries up is the moment a key component of the relationship is lost. Beware not to lose your sexual appeal to your lover, or you run the risk of them searching for it elsewhere. Strive to maintain a desirable image for your loved one. This will boost your self-esteem, too. Take a bit of time to get ready when they’re on their way, eat well, and exercise regularly. Such activities will not only help you look good for them, they’ll make you feel good about yourself. Sex can certainly become better with time if the couple gets creative and invents new ways of pleasing each other. Get a little daring and try intercourse in different locations and positions or order an erotic movie together.</p> <p>Most couples simply stand by and allow the spark of their relationship to fizzle out in time, partly because they believe there’s nothing to be done. But with the right actions and added awareness, both partners can rekindle the romantic fire so that it burns more strongly than even in the beginning.</p> <p>When was the last time you had a fun date night with your partner? What did you do? Let us know in the comments below.</p> <p><em>To find more information about Dr Carmen Harra, visit her <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.carmenharra.com/" target="_blank">website here.</a></strong></span></em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/08/lessons-i-learnt-from-my-grandmother/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">21 lessons I learnt from my grandmother</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/08/choices-that-will-lead-to-your-best-love-life-ever/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">10 choices that will lead to your best love life ever</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/07/tips-to-feel-connected-to-others/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">9 tips to help you feel connected to others</span></em></strong></a></p>

Relationships

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Should couples have a TV in the bedroom?

<p>My parents always kept a TV propped on their bedroom dresser. They’d switch it on to watch the news, stay awake through David Letterman’s opening monologue, and then eventually drift off to a blue movie of the late-night SBS variety. And, by everyone’s accounts, their marriage was a happy one. They bore six children from it, after all.</p> <p>Yet these days, there’s a trend towards keeping it out, with many claiming it causes intimacy issues. This vocal cohort thinks the bedroom should be strictly for sleep, snuggles and talking.</p> <p>Consider <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/danielle-cavallucci/beware-the-boob-tube-in-t_b_502716.html" target="_blank">this statement</a></strong></span> from the Health and Family Welfare Minister of India: “When there is no electricity, there is nothing else to do but produce babies; but if there is electricity in every village, then people will watch TV till late at night and then fall asleep. They won’t get a chance to produce children.”</p> <p>In India, the government views the bedroom television as an effective method of population control. Does this make you rethink your screens-in-the-boudoir policy?</p> <p>Several studies have examined its impact on intimacy levels – but the jury’s still out. Some claim that it <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2643988/Got-TV-bedroom-Youre-twice-likely-good-sex.html" target="_blank">ramps</a></strong></span> up sex lives, while an equal number <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.salon.com/2006/01/17/sex_tv/" target="_blank">say the opposite</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>We see where they’re coming from. Televisions are great, but they also tend to dominate whatever room they’re placed in, disrupting shut-eye and acting as a source of sound and visual distraction from more, err, primal activities.</p> <p>The way we consume it has also changed. Smart TVs have put entire serialised dramas up for greedy all-in-one consumption. And with our tendency to binge-watch them to completion, it’s easy to cut into precious cuddle time. Too busy spending time with Olivia Pope and Don Draper, we forget about the perfectly adequate bedfellow sat beside us.</p> <p>And think of the petty squabbles it can lead to. Beyond whether or not to have one in there to begin with, everyone has their own opinion on what to have on, when to turn it off, how loud to set the volume, and who controls the remote.</p> <p>How do you negotiate the situation in which one partner is in bed watching television, while the other is trying to sleep? And once said partner has finally fallen asleep, just how angry are they allowed to be when the other prods them awake with “Hey, you’ve gotta see what’s on TV right now!” (Sidenote: As a litmus test, a truly unselfish lover would watch using the closed caption option.)</p> <p>Then again, having a TV in the bedroom also encourages couples to engage in the most intimate of acts – watching it together. As <em>Gogglebox </em>shows us, nothing brings people closer like hate-watching talent shows or bonding over a three-part BBC mini-series. Television watching helps us to connect through talking and laughter. Think it will decimate your sex life? We beg to differ. As it turns out, tuning into John Oliver’s <em>Last Week Tonight</em> rants is quite the potent aphrodisiac.</p> <p>Yet, like most intimate acts, shared TV shows can lead to complications. Everyone knows someone who’s cheated or been cheated on via that insidious betrayal known as TV series adultery. We’ve seen a spike in cases since <em>House of Cards</em>, <em>Broadchurch </em>and <em>Game of Thrones</em>. A treachery like that can dislodge the steadiest of long-term unions.</p> <p>As with most things, perhaps moderation is key. Having a television in the bedroom is a bit like having a microwave in the kitchen, in that, not having one seems better in theory, but put one in and you’ll damn well use it, and love it.  </p> <p>Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with it. What’s worse is if you and your S.O. become that special kind of hipster couple who proudly exclaims, “We don’t watch TV,” but spends four hours a day watching Netflix on their laptops instead.</p> <p><em>Written by Kathleen Lee-Joe. First appeared on <a href="http://Stuff.co.nz" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz.</span></strong></a></em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/entertainment/tv/2016/06/10-classic-british-tv-comedy-shows-we-love/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>10 classic British TV comedy shows we love</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/entertainment/tv/2016/06/shocking-facts-about-tv-shows/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>10 shocking facts you didn’t know about your favourite TV shows</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/entertainment/tv/2016/05/5-reasons-why-you-need-to-watch-grace-and-frankie/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>5 reasons why you need to watch Grace and Frankie</strong></em></span></a></p>

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