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"Felt like a criminal": Mother and disabled son "kicked out" of Pink concert

A distraught mother has taken to social media to recall the moment her and her seven-year-old son, who has Down syndrome, were asked to leave a concert venue. Vanessa Vasey, 48, spent over $1,000 to take her son Jesse to see Pink in London during her UK stadium tour, but when the pair arrived at the venue, things took a turn. Jesse struggled to stay still in his seat and was soon surrounded by "six security guards" who ordered the disabled boy to sit down, otherwise they would have to leave. She said she tried to explain her son’s condition to the guards but they ended up being “escorted from the premises” just as Pink took to the stage. On Facebook, Vasey wrote in detail about what happened, saying her son had been “robbed” of a special experience. “Music is his life and Pink is one of his absolute favourites,” she wrote. “We successfully saw her perform at BST Hyde Park last year and were thrilled to learn of her return again this year.” Vasey said she purchased more expensive “hospitality tickets” allowing people to move between bars and food outlets during the night “so that Jesse wouldn’t be pressured into remaining in one seat all night, as he gets overwhelmed in busy environments and finds it hard to sit still.” “We spent some time in the bar leading up to the main act, and Jesse was having a wonderful time, until about 45 minutes before Pink was due to come on, they suddenly shut all the blinds, obstructing us from seeing anything,” she wrote. “I tried to consult with the hospitality managers over this, and explained Jesse’s needs, but they wouldn’t budge on it. So not wanting Jesse to stare at a blind all night, we attempted to go into the seating zone." “We couldn’t get him to sit in his seat, but he was happy dancing and singing at the front railings, and even interacting with some of the other guests." “Doing no harm to anyone, or obstructing anyone’s view. This seemed OK for about half an hour or so. Then ... just as Pink dropped from the sky in her opening number, we had six security guards come into the zone and ask us to leave or sit in our seats.” Vasey said the security guards were “abrupt, intimidating and unpleasant”, as they "tried to force us to take Jesse to a sensory room which was soundproof, and watch Pink on a screen.” <div> </div> “Something we could do at home, robbing us of the whole experience, as if my son was some sort of inconvenience, and better off shut in a room out of sight.” When Vasey complained to venue staff, she claims that more security guards appeared and they had no choice but to leave. “We were escorted out of the building like criminals and saw no more of the Pink show. Jesse was utterly devastated, and they showed absolutely zero care or understanding." “Shame on you Tottenham Stadium,” she concluded. “My poor boy deserved so much better than this!” After UK media picked up Vasey's story, Tottenham Stadium released a statement explaining their actions. “Following further investigation, we can confirm that Ms Vasey was offered assistance by our Safeguarding and Welfare teams throughout the night to provide Jesse with a comfortable viewing experience, including access to our dedicated Sensory Room,” the statement read. “The offers of assistance were declined by Ms Vasey and the party chose to leave the event.” Vasey was soon set upon by online trolls who condemned her choice to take Jesse to the concert in the first place, to which she issues a lengthy statement about inclusivity and not singling people out for their disabilities. “Why do we take them [to events]? Because, as parents, we have the same dreams and aspirations for our children as any other parent,” she wrote. “We have the same desires to see our children’s faces light up, as any other parent would. Our children are exposed to the same world as other children, and they enjoy the same things." “They have the same likes and desires. The only thing that’s different is their needs, their abilities and their way of accessing their dreams." “Why should these things deny them of fulfilling these dreams and passions? This is meant to be a world of inclusion. So let’s start including!" “That means adapting, understanding, supporting and most importantly; changing the way we deliver these privileges so that they are privileges for all of us, and not just some of us.” Image credits: Facebook/Richard Isaac/Shutterstock Editorial

Caring

"Not one ounce of compassion”: BBC star kicked off plane over daughter's allergy

A BBC weather presenter and her family have been kicked off a plane after asking passengers to be wary of her daughter's peanut allergy. British weather presenter Georgie Palmer was flying from London to Turkey with her husband Matt and their daughters Annie and Rosie, as the family boarded their flight at Gatwick Airport with SunExpress airlines. Georgie and her family were kicked off the plane shortly after boarding, after the 49-year-old mother ran into issues around her daughter's severe allergy to peanuts. According to Palmer, she has requested that the captain make an announcement to all passengers asking them not to eat any peanut products on the flight, but the pilot refused. Palmer then took matters into her own hands and one by one asked passengers not to consume peanuts on the four-hour flight, before being asked to disembark the aircraft. The weather presenter took to Instagram to share her side of the story with a lengthy post. She began, “I thanked the beautiful souls on our plane for helping us. Many of them hugged, cheered and held our hands as we were forced to disembark." “The SunExpress captain and cabin crew refused to make the standard announcement on behalf of our daughter. We gently asked the passengers at the front of the plane to share our request." “Row by row, all the passengers turned back to kindly ask the row behind to please not eat nuts on the flight. It was calm, earnest and with an overwhelming sense of solidarity and empathy.” Georgie added: “There’s no beef with simple asks like these. People get it!" “We were hoofed off the plane after the angry little captain shouted at us from the cockpit.” She concluded by saying they were discriminated against for “simply having an allergy”. Georgie told the <a title="www.dailymail.co.uk" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13457399/bbc-weather-presenter-Georgie-Palmer-flight-nuts.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Daily Mail,</a> “The captain decided because of my daughter’s allergy he didn’t want to fly with her on board." “When he found out I had spoken to the other passengers he was screaming at me from the cockpit. He was so angry, the next thing I knew we were told to get off the plane." “How we were treated was disgusting – nobody working on that plane showed one ounce of compassion.” A SunExpress spokesman then shared the airline's version of events, claiming that Georgie's husband had become aggressive, and kicked the family off the plane with their best interests at heart. The statement said, “We take the safety of our passengers very seriously. Shortly after boarding our flight, the passenger raised a concern about one of his family group having a serious peanut allergy." “They requested an announcement to other passengers. We refrain from making these kinds of announcements. Like many other airlines, we cannot guarantee an allergen-free environment on our flights, nor can we prevent other passengers from bringing food items containing allergens on board." “Due to the insistent behaviour of the passenger to others on board, the captain decided it would be safest if the family did not travel." “When this was explained to the passenger, he behaved aggressively towards our crew members and tried to gain access to the cockpit. To ensure the safety of our crew and our passengers on board, we cannot tolerate aggressive and unruly behaviour on our flights." “Our website states that passengers must notify us 48 hours in advance of any special care required due to a medical condition. No such notification was received from the passengers in this instance.” According to <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/tv/28140666/bbc-family-flight-passengers-peanuts-allergy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Sun</a>, Mr Sollom denies acting aggressively. The differing versions of events have divided many on social media as thousands weighed in on the debacle, with plenty of users siding with the pilot. “The pilot is a national treasure,” one person wrote. “As they should have been,” a second wrote, referring to the family getting kicked off. “Would have booted them off as well,” another agreed. A fourth wrote: “I think this story would be found under Self Entitlement in the dictionary.” Image credits: Instagram

Travel Trouble

Kick up your heels – ballroom dancing offers benefits to the aging brain and could help stave off dementia

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/helena-blumen-1231899">Helena Blumen</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/albert-einstein-college-of-medicine-3638">Albert Einstein College of Medicine</a> <h2>The big idea</h2> Social ballroom dancing can improve cognitive functions and reduce brain atrophy in older adults who are at increased risk for Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. That’s the key finding of my team’s <a href="https://doi.org/10.1123/japa.2022-0176">recently published study</a> in the Journal of Aging and Physical Activity. In our study, we enrolled 25 adults over 65 years of age in either six months of twice-weekly ballroom dancing classes or six months of twice-weekly treadmill walking classes. None of them were engaged in formal dancing or other exercise programs. The overall goal was to see how each experience affected cognitive function and brain health. While none of the study volunteers had a dementia diagnosis, all performed a bit lower than expected on at least one of our dementia screening tests. We found that older adults that completed six months of social dancing and those that completed six months of treadmill walking improved their executive functioning – an umbrella term for planning, reasoning and processing tasks that require attention. Dancing, however, generated significantly greater improvements than treadmill walking on one measure of executive function and on processing speed, which is the time it takes to respond to or process information. Compared with walking, dancing was also associated with reduced brain atrophy in the hippocampus – a brain region that is key to memory functioning and is particularly affected by Alzheimer’s disease. Researchers also know that this part of our brain can undergo neurogenesis – or grow new neurons – <a href="https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.0611721104">in response to aerobic exercise</a>. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/unmbhUvnGow?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>Research shows those who regularly dance with a partner have a more positive outlook on life.</figcaption></figure> While several previous studies suggest that dancing has beneficial effects <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/ageing/afaa270">on cognitive function in older adults</a>, only a few studies have compared it directly with traditional exercises. Our study is the first to observe both better cognitive function and improved brain health following dancing than walking in older adults at risk for dementia. We think that social dancing may be more beneficial than walking because it is physically, socially and cognitively demanding – and therefore strengthens a wide network of brain regions. While dancing, you’re not only using brain regions that are important for physical movement. You’re also relying on brain regions that are important for interacting and adapting to the movements of your dancing partner, as well as those necessary for learning new dance steps or remembering those you’ve learned already. <h2>Why it matters</h2> Nearly 6 million older adults in the U.S. and 55 million worldwide <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jalz.2019.01.010">have Alzheimer’s disease</a> or a <a href="https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/dementia">related dementia</a>, yet there is no cure. Sadly, the efficacy and ethics surrounding recently developed drug treatments <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/21507740.2022.2129858">are still under debate</a>. The good news is that older adults can potentially <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(20)30367-6">lower their risk for dementia</a> through lifestyle interventions, even later in life. These include reducing social isolation and physical inactivity. Social ballroom dancing targets both isolation and inactivity. In these later stages of the COVID-19 pandemic, a better understanding of the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/23337214211005223">indirect effects of COVID-19</a> – particularly those that increase dementia risk, such as social isolation – is urgently needed. In my view, early intervention is critical to prevent dementia from becoming the next pandemic. Social dancing could be a particularly timely way to overcome the adverse cognitive and brain effects associated with isolation and fewer social interactions during the pandemic. <h2>What still isn’t known</h2> Traditional aerobic exercise interventions such as treadmill-walking or running have been shown to lead to modest but reliable improvements in cognition – <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691617707316">particularly in executive function</a>. My team’s study builds on that research and provides preliminary evidence that not all exercise is equal when it comes to brain health. Yet our sample size was quite small, and larger studies are needed to confirm these initial findings. Additional studies are also needed to determine the optimal length, frequency and intensity of dancing classes that may result in positive changes. Lifestyle interventions like social ballroom dancing are a promising, noninvasive and cost-effective path toward staving off dementia as we – eventually – leave the COVID-19 pandemic behind.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/194969/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/helena-blumen-1231899">Helena Blumen</a>, Associate Professor of Medicine and Neurology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/albert-einstein-college-of-medicine-3638">Albert Einstein College of Medicine</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/kick-up-your-heels-ballroom-dancing-offers-benefits-to-the-aging-brain-and-could-help-stave-off-dementia-194969">original article</a>. </div>

Mind

Heavily pregnant mum and disabled child kicked off plane

Siobhan Foster, her husband, and their disabled child were kicked off their flight after she was accused of being "aggressive" by a flight attendant. Foster, who is seven months pregnant, was onboard an easyJet flight to Ibiza to celebrate her brother's wedding. She struggled to find room for her carry-on in the overhead baggage compartment, so she asked a flight attendant to help her find space, but the response was reportedly "a sharp ‘Clearly Not’", which eventually led to a dispute. When things escalated, all 180 passengers were eventually told to disembark. One of Foster's outraged friends posted the <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/23859832/easyjet-passengers-kicked-off-pregnant-mum-stewardess-fight/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">video</a> on social media, and the Newtonabbey mum was seen collecting hand luggage while struggling to carry her toddler. “We’re being thrown off the plane today because of somebody thinking they’re better than everyone else,” the friend said. The easyJet stewardess responded: “Bye, bye bye," as the upset family walked down the stairs. Foster took to Facebook to complain about her experience with "sleezy jet". “So, I asked could you help me find somewhere, her reply was ‘You’ll need to find somewhere yourself’ even though there literally was nowhere," she wrote. She then claimed that she asked for help again, because she was heavily pregnant, to which the flight attendant allegedly said: "You’re being abusive and it’s not my job to help you.” Another flight attendant reportedly backed up her co-worker, but Foster argued that other airlines have been more helpful as she is pregnant. “Writing this, I understand it would make you think was I being abusive, but I honestly wasn’t and the whole plane can vouch for me,” Foster wrote. “People were actually putting this on [Facebook] about how bad I was treated.” After eventually finding a place for her bag, the pregnant mum was allegedly confronted by two other crew members who also accused her of being “aggressive.” Foster decided to ignore them because she was "crying" and "so upset," but the flight attendant reportedly started raising her voice. They were then kicked off, and were told it was because of Foster's aggression, but when Foster’s mum and brother asked for an exact reason, the crew members allegedly couldn't give them a direct response. After an hour, everyone had to disembark and the family were met by eight police officers and two Swissport employees and were told they would not be allowed back on the flight, despite other passengers being allowed back in. “So, that whole day we were in Belfast airport from one lunchtime to nine that night with our child, my legs were so swollen and sore with being on them all this time I was crying uncontrollably that this was happening to us for no reason whatsoever. “I’m so traumatized to the point I don’t know how I’ll ever fly again,” she wrote on Facebook. EasyJet has denied any wrongdoing and a spokesperson told the Daily Mail that "a group of passengers were "behaving disruptively." “EasyJet’s cabin crew and ground agents are trained to assess and evaluate all situations and to act quickly and appropriately to ensure that the safety of the flight and other passengers is not compromised at any time. “The Captain took the decision to ask all passengers on the flight to return to the terminal so the situation could be resolved and as soon as it was they re-boarded and the aircraft continued to Ibiza.” Despite the incident, the Foster family eventually made it to Ibiza the next day, just in time for the wedding, after catching a RyanAir flight out of Dublin. “Thankfully we got to Ibiza and made my brother’s wedding to say how stressed, upset, and overwhelmed I’ve been I honestly think I’ve no words,” she wrote. “EasyJet should be ashamed of themselves and I most definitely am taking this further, I’m still in shock of how we were treated especially being seven months pregnant and having a disabled child with us.” Images: Facebook

Travel Trouble

Taylor Swift kicks off the Eras tour in sensational style

Excitement was high for music icon Taylor Swift’s Eras tour since the very first announcement. And while controversy may have reared its head early on - Ticketmaster ran into a great deal of trouble trying to handle the masses of fans and alleged bots trying to secure tickets to the show, and that wasn’t even to mention the “dynamic pricing” debacle. The tour marked Taylor’s first since 2018, and features some of her biggest - and favourite - tracks from over the course of her illustrious music career … so far. In fact, for the first show of the tour, the 12-time Grammy award winner (and 46-time nominated artist) performed an astounding 44 tracks, for a total of over three hours. A typical stadium show will run for just under two, and average at around 20 songs. While some were surprised by the runtime, others barely batted an eyelid after months of speculation over what “a journey through the musical eras of [Taylor Swift’s] career” could entail. And from the moment people knew it was coming, the tour was set to break records. Taylor wasted no time with opening night, which became “the most attended female concert in US history”. The record was previously held by Madonna, who had held onto that bragging right for 36 years from her 1987 Anaheim Stadium show. And Taylor’s fans - affectionately known as Swifties - are well aware, their idol does nothing without careful planning and care. Album releases are often scattered with Easter Eggs for her most devoted followers to pick apart, and everything means something. So it came as no surprise when Taylor split her show into 10 distinct sections, each inspired by one of her albums. However, none of these were chronological, leaving even the most devoted fans to guess which they were going to hear next. The entire stage transformed with each new era - from the lighting to the props, videos playing behind Taylor and her dancers, and a mesmerising swim along the catwalk, everything was planned out well in advance to wow her audience. And in true Taylor fashion, her style on the night reflected this effort too, with the star embarking on no less than 16 spectacular outfit changes to honour each of her beloved albums. Images: Getty, @taylorswift @kevinmazur @kevincwinter / Instagram

Beauty & Style

Novak Djokovic kicks his brother out of tennis arena during epic showdown

Novak Djokovic has ordered his brother out of the player's box in the middle of match at the the Adelaide International final. The Serbian star was having a less than desirable game on Sunday, after losing his first set to No.33 Sebastian Korda, from the USA, when he became visibly frustrated and pointed towards the corporate box. His brother Marko and another person then exited the area before Djokovic fought his way back on the court and managed to win the epic three-set thriller. Sports commentator Roger Rasheed claimed the sports star appeared angry, but determined to win the showdown. "He pointed to his box and two out of five members are no longer sitting there," he said. "It's probably living proof that he wants to win badly, in this final. He's got his game face on, mixed with a bit of anger at the moment." Speaking during an on-court interview after prevailing triumphant in a match that lasted three hours, the 21-time Grand Slam champion admitted it had not been an easy night. "I'd like to thank my team for handling me, tolerating me in the good and bad times." "Today, I'm sure they didn't have such a blast with me going back and forth with them, but I appreciate them being here." "My brother Marko is also here, I don't see him that much so I appreciate you coming here, love you. It's been an amazing week and you guys made it even more special for me." Image credits: Getty Images

Family & Pets

“What really happened”: Man kicked off Qantas flight speaks out

A man who was kicked off a Qantas flight along with his family after demanding cabin crew apologise for their behaviour towards his wife has spoken publicly for the first time, sharing his recollection of events. Zakir Slaimankhel, a high-profile international rugby player and charity ambassador, was filmed having an argument with staff in a viral TikTok video aboard a plane at Bali’s Denpasar Airport. In the clip, Mr Slaimankhal could be heard saying his wife was in tears after airline staff were rude to her and claimed that staff had mishandled his pram and hadn’t brought it into the plane before takeoff. The staff member arguing with Mr Slaimankhel was heard repeatedly telling him to stop swearing and eventually informed him that security had been called. “You made my wife cry and now you’re getting angry at me?” he can be heard saying to her. “You can’t upset my crew - “ she said, to which he responded, “You can’t upset my family and kids!” “What are you on about, ‘you can’t upset my crew’, my wife’s crying!” Mr Slaimankhel, who lives in Sydney but arrived in New Zealand as a refugee from Afghanistan, posted a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/zslaimankhel/posts/pfbid0emaUBeFn172rqtWRkkoysSZEJMiUooLsCiwPfvAPwSjoiz7nKAsfvBCzq9XxbzLEl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lengthy statement</a> online on Monday night in which he recounted what happened in the lead-up to the altercation on flight QF44, claiming staff had “humiliated” his wife and that the pram had been left outside. “As we boarded the flight, my pram was left outside the aircraft by staff who advised that it will be brought in,” he explained. Mr Slaimankhel said he later went to the front of the plane to check where the pram was and found it outside “and chucked to the side”. When he brought it in and asked where he could store it, Mr Slaimankhel said a staff member “sternly” told him to find a spot and didn’t offer to help. After it was announced the plane was delayed, he said his wife went to change their five-month-old son’s nappy in the toilet at the rear of the plane. “Whilst waiting, a flight attendant told her to move down the aircraft in an unrelenting manner as we were apparently inhibiting the toilet doors from opening safely. However, the other passenger and her were not in any close proximity to the door for it to contact them. The stern instructions from this staff member were unjustified and made her feel belittled,” he continued. <img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/11/zakir-statement.jpeg" alt="" width="1440" height="657" /> Image: Facebook After the nappy change, Mr Slaimankhel said his wife was then “shouted at” by an attendant while leaving the toilet and was stared at by another flight attendant. “This prompted my wife to ask her ‘why are you looking at me like that?’, to which she said, ‘I’m not looking at you, I’m looking past you’,” he wrote. “Then she mentioned it’s people like you with that head thingy’ in a stereotypical and racist manner. My wife was shocked and started shaking.” He said the behaviour made his wife cry and feel “extremely humiliated and distraught”, and when she told them they were rude and condescending, she was met with little sympathy for her concerns. “Their treatment inflicted immense anxiety within her, she felt isolated, overwhelmed, and discriminated against. It made her question her self and feel powerless being a visible Muslim who wears a hijab,” Mr Slaimankhel wrote. “I did not witness any other passenger be treated in a remotely similar manner to my family.” He continued to recount feeling “in shock” at his wife’s distress and treatment, and that he approached Qantas staff for an explanation and apology. “It felt dehumanising and frustrating that our feelings and concerns could not even be appropriately acknowledged or addressed. On the other hand, we were shunned and ejected from the aircraft by security. Even whilst collecting our belongings to leave, multiple flight attendants smirked at us,” he continued, adding that it showed a “lack of emotional intelligence” among staff and that the incident had had “traumatic ripple effects” across his family’s lives. He said that his wife has continued flashbacks of the ordeal and that the video of the argument going viral led to his “character assassination”. “As I was reacting to the provocation of staff who were treating us as flight risks and heedless to our concerns. I was visibly upset at the tears and anxiety that they had caused my wife , which was exacerbated by the lack of compassion and human empathy expressed by the Qantas staff,” he said. Mr Slaimankhel concluded the post by sharing his extreme disappointment with the airline for releasing a statement about the incident “before contacting us and understanding the full context of the situation”. This may be in reference to the statement Qantas shared with news.com.au on October 25, in which the airline said the family were eventually removed from the plane after clashing with crew members “a number of times prior to the flight departing Bali”. “The safety of our customers and crew is our number one priority,” the spokesperson said at the time. “We ask customers to follow the direction of crew for the safety and comfort of everyone on board.” However, the airline issued a new statement on Tuesday morning, in which a Qantas spokeswoman denied Mr Slaimankhel’s claims. “Qantas takes allegations of this nature raised very seriously and we will not tolerate any unlawful discrimination on racial, ethnic or any other grounds,” a spokeswoman said. “We conducted a thorough review of the claims made by Mr Slaimankhel and his wife. Qantas strongly denies that its crew spoke to either Mr Slaimankhel or his wife in a rude manner. Our staff also deny making any inappropriate comments regarding the passengers’ attire. This has been supported by other passengers who witnessed the interactions.” The airline spokeswoman said that “abusive behaviour” isn’t tolerated on board, even though Mr Slaimankhel remained seated and the extent of his behaviour involved swearing and raising his voice. “We ask customers to follow the direction of crew for the safety and comfort of everyone on board. As a result of our review into the incidents on-board, Mr Slaimankhel and his wife have been issued with no fly orders with Qantas Group airlines for their behaviour towards our crew.” With profanities appearing to be the major issue the flight attendant had with Mr Slaimankhel in the clip, it comes amid a wider issue of people of colour being over-represented in the number of charges for swearing resulting in fines or time in court. In NSW, <a href="https://independentaustralia.net/life/life-display/australia-where-offensive-and-insulting-language-is-actually-a-crime,10319" target="_blank" rel="noopener">567 out of 1600 people</a> charged and taken to court over offensive language were Indigenous, despite Indigenous Australians making up just 3 percent of the population in 2015 alone. Image: Facebook

Travel Trouble

"Honey, we are about to fight": Woman kicked off flight for hurling water bottle

A woman who was told to get off a flight for not following the rules turned aggressive toward another passenger after she realised she was being filmed. Footage shared to Reddit shows a calm flight attendant asking the woman to take her dog off her lap on a flight to New York from Atlanta. The woman became aggressive when she was told to get off the flight after refusing to take her dog off her lap. “Oh no, no, honey we are about to fight then.I didn’t f***ing do anything to you guys,” she can be heard saying. “My dog was sitting on my lap, I put him in the bag.” The traveller is then offered a refund on her ticket and once again asked to leave the flight before she swears at the flight attendant and everyone. “F**k you. F**k all of you,” she yells as she packs up her belongings. As she packs her bags, someone could be heard shouting at her to “get off the plane”. ““I am! Shut the f**k up,” she yells back before noticing another passenger filming her and throws her water bottle at them. “Turn your f***ing phone off!” she yells. “Why is she recording me?” she asks another flight attendant. “Anyone can record anything. You just struck a passenger with a bottle,” the flight attendant responds. “Nobody acting this way flies on a flight with us.” Social media users called the woman out for her disgusting behaviour saying she deserved to be kicked off the flight. “I love how she's wearing pigtails and acting like a first grader,” someone commented. “That dude was such a boss. Calm, cool, and collected the whole time and got her off the plane,” someone wrote. “Now we wait for that person's footage, and also the footage of her getting arrested,” another wrote. Watch the footage <a href="https://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-advice/flights/woman-unleashes-on-plane-throws-bottle-at-passenger/news-story/7887c8bb3bb4ece68aebaae13c7349e9" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. Images: Reddit

Travel Trouble

"Kick cancer's ass": Ryan Reynolds shares potentially life saving surgery

Ryan Reynolds shared the news he had a “subtle polyp” on his colon during his first colonoscopy. He broadcasted the entire experience in order to destigmatise the procedure and raise awareness, especially among men. The famed actor, aged 45, and his Wrexham soccer club co-chairman, Rob McElhenney, decided to partner up with <a href="https://leadfrombehind.org/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Lead From Behind</a>, a colon cancer awareness organisation, aiming to draw attention to the procedure. In a Youtube video posted to Reynold’s page this week, the two explained they wanted to prove how the “simple step” can “save lives.” <iframe title="YouTube video player" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5sXkIUZEWIo" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe> “I would never normally have any medical procedure put on camera and then shared,” Reynolds said. “But it’s not every day that you can raise awareness about something that will most definitely save lives. That’s enough motivation for me to let you in on a camera being shoved up my ass.” During the procedure, Reynolds found out that he found an “extremely subtle polyp” on the right side of his colon, which he had removed. “This was potentially lifesaving for you — I’m not kidding, I’m not being overly dramatic,” the doctor told the actor as he showed off images of the tissue. “This is exactly why you do this. You had no symptoms.” As for McElhenney, his doctor revealed they found three polyps that “were not a big deal, but certainly a good thing that we found them early and removed them.” “Colon cancer is preventable,” a message read across a black screen at the end of the video. “If you’re 45 years or older, ask your doctor about getting a colonoscopy. And help Rob and Ryan kick cancer’s ass.” Image: Youtube

Body

Woman kicked off flight for “offensive” pants

A DJ who was kicked off a flight for her “inappropriate” and “offensive” pants has claimed she was “humiliated” in front of everyone. South Korean DJ Hwang So-hee, also known as DJ Soda, was on a flight from JFK to LAX with American Airlines on April 25 when she was kicked off. She was left fuming over her treatment and took to Twitter to document the ordeal to her 127,000 followers. “I GOT KICKED OFF FROM @AmericanAir flight and they harassed me to take off my sponsored @RIPNDIP 'F**K YOU' sweatpants in front of people to board again,” she began. “Yesterday coming back from JFK to LAX with American Airlines, I was harassed and humiliated. I was forced out of the plane and was harassed to take off my pants in front of the flight crews at the gate. “I have never had an issue with wearing this pair of pants before in my many months of touring in North America and they did not have any problem with me wearing it at the time of check-in nor when I sat down at my seat.” DJ Soda claims she was approached by a staff member who told her to pack up her things and that she would not be boarding the flight. They then made comments about her pants calling them “inappropriate” and “offensive” and that she would have the next flight. She explained that she could not afford to miss the flight due to a very important meeting. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> I GOT KICKED OFF FROM <a href="https://twitter.com/AmericanAir?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@AmericanAir</a> flight and they harassed me to take off my sponsored <a href="https://twitter.com/RIPNDIP?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@RIPNDIP</a> 'F**K YOU' sweatpants in front of people to board again. <a href="https://t.co/YU0TrhZjry">pic.twitter.com/YU0TrhZjry</a> — djsoda (@dj_soda_) <a href="https://twitter.com/dj_soda_/status/1518850282490187776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 26, 2022</a></blockquote> “I pleaded to stay on the flight but was ignored by the staff and the flight attendants. I even offered to get changed but the request was denied. What happened next was horrendous,” DJ Soda continued. “With my broken fingers, I hardly ended up taking off my pants in front of the whole crew and standing half-naked while they still refused to board me on the flight. They even sarcastically commented that I could have taken off my pants earlier. “When they finally let me enter, I put my pants inside out and finally sat down after an hour of delay causing inconvenience to the members of the flights on board. “I was mortified and trembling in fear for the next 6 hours on my flight back to LA. In my 8 years of touring, I have never experienced or been treated unfairly, especially in a country that is known for its freedom of speech and individuality. “From now on, I will be boycotting @AmericanAir and hope this NEVER happens to anyone ever again.” DJ Soda was called out by fans who said she was in the wrong, especially since it’s common knowledge to dress appropriately on flights. “Maybe other airlines didn't previously notice; but it is common knowledge that most major airlines have dress policies that prohibit profanity and vulgarity on their flights. They have every right to protect their customers' values. Sorry. No sympathy here.” someone wrote. “That's what you get for dressing inappropriately on an airliner, you're on their plane, their rules. You can fly with Delta, United, Southwest or even pulling TWA back from the grave and they would still kick you out,” another commented. “As well you SHOULD! It's rude, offensive, and children can READ TOO!! But some of us adults don't want to see or hear it either! America might be the land of the free, but it doesn't mean we don't have some rules. Abide by them or leave!” another wrote. Images: Twitter

Travel Trouble

Teacher sacked for punching and kicking horse has gone into hiding

Content warning: This article contains mentions and depictions of animal abuse. A UK school teacher <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.news.com.au/technology/science/animals/teacher-sacked-over-shocking-horse-video-in-the-uk/news-story/a098daeb99f46976d6e4363050ce4658" target="_blank">has been fired</a> after footage emerged of her seeming to kick and hit a distressed horse. The graphic footage shows Sarah Moulds striking the white pony after it ran out onto the road in the UK’s East Midlands, <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/17099018/rider-kicks-punches-horse-teacher-sacked/" target="_blank">The Sun</a> reports. Following the circulation of the footage, it was revealed that the 37-year-old woman from Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire was being probed by the RSPCA. The Mowbray Education Trust also said Ms Moulds has been suspended during a formal investigation. However, the trust has said the mother-of-two has officially been dismissed from her roles as a teacher at Somerby Primary School and as a director of the Knossington & Somerby Pre-School in Leicestershire. “I can confirm that Sarah Mould’s employment with the trust has been terminated,” Paul Maddox, chief operating officer of the trust, told the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-leicestershire-59728476" target="_blank">BBC</a>. “As a trust we are committed to ensuring the best standard of education for all of our young people and we look forward to continuing this throughout the 2021/22 academic year and beyond.” <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Yesterday we filmed a <a href="https://twitter.com/CottesmoreHunt?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@CottesmoreHunt</a> rider kicking and punching her horse in the face. Watched on by lackeys Will Ashmore and son Ed. Violence running through their veins.<a href="https://twitter.com/RSPCA_official?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@RSPCA_official</a> <a href="https://t.co/s37BlR4Hv3">pic.twitter.com/s37BlR4Hv3</a> — Hertfordshire Hunt Saboteurs (@HertsHuntSabs) <a href="https://twitter.com/HertsHuntSabs/status/1457304240079228929?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 7, 2021</a></blockquote> The footage was shared last month by Hertfordshire Hunt Saboteurs, an anti-hunting group, who were monitoring the hunting event at the time. The woman alleged to be Ms Moulds was seen acting aggressively towards the horse, after it ran towards her when another young rider lost control of it while trying to lead it onto a trailer. She was filmed kicking and hitting the horse before pulling it into the horse trailer. Ms Moulds is believed to belong to the Cottesmore Hunt, a foxhound hunting group based in Rutland. At the time, she was surrounded by other members. After the incident, Cottesmore Hunt reportedly said it did not condone the actions depicted in the video “under any circumstances”. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CWBYBdUKiaN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CWBYBdUKiaN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by The Cottesmore Hunt (@cottesmorehuntofficial)</a> </div> </blockquote> The RSPCA was contacted by multiple people after the clip was posted online, and later issued a statement. “This footage is really upsetting. We will always look into complaints made to us about animal welfare.” A spokesman from the Hunting Office in the UK said: “The Hunting Office expects the highest level of animal welfare at all times - both on and off the hunting field - and condemns the actions taken by this individual, who is not a member of the hunting associations.” Members of the public also condemned the woman online, labelling her behaviour as unacceptable. “As a horsewoman myself, nothing makes me angrier than seeing such footage as this. It is shameful. There is absolutely no excuse for this behaviour,” one person wrote. “No matter how frustrated you are, no matter if you’ve had a bad day. Horses are so sensitive. What a way to make them head shy.” Image: @HertsHuntSabs (Twitter)

Legal

3 ways we sabotage relationships (and 3 ways to kick the habit)

Popular culture has plenty of examples of people sabotaging their romantic relationships. In the movie <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0147800/" target="_blank">10 Things I Hate About You</a>, Kat says she has no interest in romantic engagements. Then Patrick <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.moviequotedb.com/movies/10-things-i-hate-about-you/quote_150.html" target="_blank">asks</a> about her dating style: <blockquote> "You disappoint them from the start and then you’re covered, right?" </blockquote> But as the plot develops, we learn this is Kat’s way of protecting herself, to cope with the trauma of a previous relationship. Other people move through relationships searching for “the one”, making quick assessments of their romantic partners. In the TV series <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2211129/" target="_blank">The Mindy Project</a>, Mindy is a successful obstetrician and gynaecologist with poor relationship skills. She has a trail of relationship failures, and partners who did not measure up. She is looking for the “perfect” love story with unrealistic expectations. <iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8iCwtxJejik?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> Jacob moves through sexual partners night after night to avoid a serious commitment, in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. Another example is Jacob in the movie <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1570728/" target="_blank">Crazy, Stupid, Love</a>. He quickly moves through sexual partners night after night to avoid a serious commitment. In the same movie, we meet Cal and Emily, who stayed in a marriage long term but had become complacent. This caused them to split, but once they started to work on themselves, they found a way to reconnect. What is relationship sabotage? My team and I <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/defining-romantic-selfsabotage-a-thematic-analysis-of-interviews-with-practising-psychologists/35531B41927851905281C7D815FE4199/share/ed27f1606df159cf7e3240f5c3136174c4991fe0" target="_blank">define</a> relationship sabotage as self-defeating attitudes and behaviours in (and out of) relationships. These stop relationships succeeding, or lead people to give up on them, justifying why these relationships fail. Most importantly, relationship sabotage is a self-protection strategy for a win-win outcome. For example, you might feel you win if the relationship survives despite your defensive strategies. Alternatively, if the relationship fails, your beliefs and choice to protect yourself are validated. Why do we do this? <iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kpIbl34SPNc?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> Why do we sabotage love? We <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039" target="_blank">found</a> people sabotage their relationships mainly because of fear. This is despite wanting an intimate relationship. As Sam Smith says in his song <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_ub7Etch2U" target="_blank">Too Good at Goodbyes</a>: <blockquote> I’m never gonna let you close to me Even though you mean the most to me ‘Cause every time I open up, it hurts. </blockquote> However, fear responses are not always visible or easy to identify. This is because our <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.guilford.com/books/Emotionally-Focused-Therapy-for-Couples/Greenberg-Johnson/9781606239278" target="_blank">emotions are layered</a> to protect us. Fear is a vulnerable (and core) emotion, which is commonly hidden beneath surface (or secondary) emotions, such as defensiveness. Recognise any of these patterns? Relationship sabotage is not a “one off” moment in a relationship. It happens when fear triggers patterns of responses from one relationship to the next. My research highlights <a rel="noopener" href="https://rdcu.be/czwUo" target="_blank">three main patterns</a> of attitudes and behaviours to look out for. Defensiveness Defensiveness, such as being angry or aggressive, is a counter-attack to a perceived threat. People who are defensive are motivated by wanting to validate themselves; they are looking to prove themselves right and protect their self-esteem. Threats that trigger defensiveness are a previous relationship trauma, difficulty with self-esteem, loss of hope, the possibility of getting hurt again, and fear of failure, rejection, abandonment and commitment. However, defensiveness is an instinctive response that sometimes makes sense. People can believe relationships often end up in “heart break”. One <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039" target="_blank">research participant</a> was tired of being criticised and having their feelings misunderstood: <blockquote> I protect myself from getting hurt in a romantic relationship by putting up all of my walls and not letting go of my guard. </blockquote> Trust difficulty Having difficulty trusting others involves struggling to believe romantic partners and perhaps feeling jealous of their attention to others. People who feel this way might not feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable in relationships. This is often a result of past experiences of having trust betrayed, or expecting to be betrayed. Betrayals could be as a result of small deceptions (a white lie) or bigger deceptions (infidelity). People explained choosing not to trust, or being unable to trust, was a way of avoiding being hurt again. One <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039" target="_blank">research participant</a> said: <blockquote> I no longer trust my romantic partners 100%. I will always be thinking about what I would do if they left or cheated, so I never get fully invested. </blockquote> Lack of relationship skills This is when someone has limited insight or awareness into destructive tendencies in relationships. This may be a result of poor relationship role models, or negative interactions and outcomes from previous relationships. One <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039" target="_blank">research participant</a> said: <blockquote> What used to hold me back was lack of experience, poor relationship examples (from my parents), and my own immaturity. </blockquote> But relationship skills can be learned. Healthy relationships can help foster relationship skills and in turn lessen the effects of defensiveness and trust difficulty. The cost of relationship sabotage Relationship sabotage does not necessarily end relationships. This depends on whether these patterns are long term. For singles, relationship sabotage might prevent you from starting a relationship in the first place. For people in relationships, a long-term effect of repeatedly using self-defensive strategies might be to see your fears turn into reality, like a <a rel="noopener" href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9731324/" target="_blank">self-fulfilling prophecy</a>. Difficulties in intimate relationships are among the <a rel="noopener" href="https://janzssa.scholasticahq.com/article/8074-anzssa-heads-of-counselling-services-hocs-benchmarking-survey-2018-summary-report" target="_blank">top</a> main reasons for seeking counselling. Such difficulties are also <a rel="noopener" href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2003-88322-003" target="_blank">significant contributors</a> to anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. So, what we can you do about it? I have seen <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039" target="_blank">countless testimonials</a> from people who sabotaged their relationships and felt helpless and hopeless. But here are three ways to <a rel="noopener" href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-34594-002" target="_blank">do something about it</a>: <ul> <li> insight: we need to know who we are first, and the “baggage” we bring to relationships. Be honest with yourself and your partner about your fears and what you might be struggling with </li> <li> expectations: we need to manage our expectations of romantic engagements. Understand what you can realistically expect of yourself and your partners </li> <li> collaboration: you need to collaborate with your partner to implement strategies to maintain a healthy relationship. This means learning how to communicate better (across all topics, while being honest) and showing flexibility and understanding, especially when dealing with conflict. </li> </ul> Above all, believe you can have healthy relationships and deserve to be loved. If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/169467/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041" target="_blank">Raquel Peel</a>, Lecturer, <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-queensland-1069" target="_blank">University of Southern Queensland</a> This article is republished from <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/3-ways-we-sabotage-relationships-and-3-ways-to-kick-the-habit-169467" target="_blank">original article</a>. Image: Getty Images

Relationships

3 ways we sabotage relationships (and 3 ways to kick the habit)

Popular culture has plenty of examples of people sabotaging their romantic relationships. In the movie <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0147800/">10 Things I Hate About You</a>, Kat says she has no interest in romantic engagements. Then Patrick <a href="https://www.moviequotedb.com/movies/10-things-i-hate-about-you/quote_150.html">asks</a> about her dating style: <blockquote> You disappoint them from the start and then you’re covered, right? </blockquote> But as the plot develops, we learn this is Kat’s way of protecting herself, to cope with the trauma of a previous relationship. Other people move through relationships searching for “the one”, making quick assessments of their romantic partners. In the TV series <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2211129/">The Mindy Project</a>, Mindy is a successful obstetrician and gynaecologist with poor relationship skills. She has a trail of relationship failures, and partners who did not measure up. She is looking for the “perfect” love story with unrealistic expectations. <iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8iCwtxJejik?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> Jacob moves through sexual partners night after night to avoid a serious commitment, in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. Another example is Jacob in the movie <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1570728/">Crazy, Stupid, Love</a>. He quickly moves through sexual partners night after night to avoid a serious commitment. In the same movie, we meet Cal and Emily, who stayed in a marriage long term but had become complacent. This caused them to split, but once they started to work on themselves, they found a way to reconnect. <h2>What is relationship sabotage?</h2> My team and I <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/defining-romantic-selfsabotage-a-thematic-analysis-of-interviews-with-practising-psychologists/35531B41927851905281C7D815FE4199/share/ed27f1606df159cf7e3240f5c3136174c4991fe0">define</a> relationship sabotage as self-defeating attitudes and behaviours in (and out of) relationships. These stop relationships succeeding, or lead people to give up on them, justifying why these relationships fail. Most importantly, relationship sabotage is a self-protection strategy for a win-win outcome. For example, you might feel you win if the relationship survives despite your defensive strategies. Alternatively, if the relationship fails, your beliefs and choice to protect yourself are validated. <h2>Why do we do this?</h2> <iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kpIbl34SPNc?wmode=transparent&start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> Why do we sabotage love? We <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">found</a> people sabotage their relationships mainly because of fear. This is despite wanting an intimate relationship. As Sam Smith says in his song <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_ub7Etch2U">Too Good at Goodbyes</a>: <blockquote> I’m never gonna let you close to me Even though you mean the most to me ‘Cause every time I open up, it hurts. </blockquote> However, fear responses are not always visible or easy to identify. This is because our <a href="https://www.guilford.com/books/Emotionally-Focused-Therapy-for-Couples/Greenberg-Johnson/9781606239278">emotions are layered</a> to protect us. Fear is a vulnerable (and core) emotion, which is commonly hidden beneath surface (or secondary) emotions, such as defensiveness. <h2>Recognise any of these patterns?</h2> Relationship sabotage is not a “one off” moment in a relationship. It happens when fear triggers patterns of responses from one relationship to the next. My research highlights <a href="https://rdcu.be/czwUo">three main patterns</a> of attitudes and behaviours to look out for. Defensiveness Defensiveness, such as being angry or aggressive, is a counter-attack to a perceived threat. People who are defensive are motivated by wanting to validate themselves; they are looking to prove themselves right and protect their self-esteem. Threats that trigger defensiveness are a previous relationship trauma, difficulty with self-esteem, loss of hope, the possibility of getting hurt again, and fear of failure, rejection, abandonment and commitment. However, defensiveness is an instinctive response that sometimes makes sense. People can believe relationships often end up in “heart break”. One <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">research participant</a> was tired of being criticised and having their feelings misunderstood: <blockquote> I protect myself from getting hurt in a romantic relationship by putting up all of my walls and not letting go of my guard. </blockquote> Trust difficulty Having difficulty trusting others involves struggling to believe romantic partners and perhaps feeling jealous of their attention to others. People who feel this way might not feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable in relationships. This is often a result of past experiences of having trust betrayed, or expecting to be betrayed. Betrayals could be as a result of small deceptions (a white lie) or bigger deceptions (infidelity). People explained choosing not to trust, or being unable to trust, was a way of avoiding being hurt again. One <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">research participant</a> said: <blockquote> I no longer trust my romantic partners 100%. I will always be thinking about what I would do if they left or cheated, so I never get fully invested. </blockquote> Lack of relationship skills This is when someone has limited insight or awareness into destructive tendencies in relationships. This may be a result of poor relationship role models, or negative interactions and outcomes from previous relationships. One <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">research participant</a> said: <blockquote> What used to hold me back was lack of experience, poor relationship examples (from my parents), and my own immaturity. </blockquote> But relationship skills can be learned. Healthy relationships can help foster relationship skills and in turn lessen the effects of defensiveness and trust difficulty. <h2>The cost of relationship sabotage</h2> Relationship sabotage does not necessarily end relationships. This depends on whether these patterns are long term. For singles, relationship sabotage might prevent you from starting a relationship in the first place. For people in relationships, a long-term effect of repeatedly using self-defensive strategies might be to see your fears turn into reality, like a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9731324/">self-fulfilling prophecy</a>. Difficulties in intimate relationships are among the <a href="https://janzssa.scholasticahq.com/article/8074-anzssa-heads-of-counselling-services-hocs-benchmarking-survey-2018-summary-report">top</a> main reasons for seeking counselling. Such difficulties are also <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2003-88322-003">significant contributors</a> to anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. <h2>So, what we can you do about it?</h2> I have seen <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15332691.2020.1795039">countless testimonials</a> from people who sabotaged their relationships and felt helpless and hopeless. But here are three ways to <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-34594-002">do something about it</a>: <ul> <li> insight: we need to know who we are first, and the “baggage” we bring to relationships. Be honest with yourself and your partner about your fears and what you might be struggling with </li> <li> expectations: we need to manage our expectations of romantic engagements. Understand what you can realistically expect of yourself and your partners </li> <li> collaboration: you need to collaborate with your partner to implement strategies to maintain a healthy relationship. This means learning how to communicate better (across all topics, while being honest) and showing flexibility and understanding, especially when dealing with conflict. </li> </ul> Above all, believe you can have healthy relationships and deserve to be loved. <hr /> If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/169467/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/raquel-peel-368041">Raquel Peel</a>, Lecturer, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-southern-queensland-1069">University of Southern Queensland</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/3-ways-we-sabotage-relationships-and-3-ways-to-kick-the-habit-169467">original article</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Relationships

Video of mum and toddler kicked off flight over masks goes viral

An American woman and her toddler were kicked off a flight after her two-year-old was unable to keep a mask on. Amanda Pendarvis was on board an American Airlines flight to Colorado, and claimed on Instagram that her son wasn’t wearing a mask due to suffering from an asthma attack. Ms Pendarvis said she, her son, and her mother were all removed from the flight. “I was not refusing to wear a mask, nor did I even say I wouldn’t try to keep a mask on my son,” she <a rel="noopener" href="https://travel.nine.com.au/latest/american-airlines-removes-mother-toddler-refusing-wear-mask-onboard/0e144844-75b3-40a3-8ad7-92e3416c425d" target="_blank">wrote</a> in the caption of the photo she shared on Instagram. “We were escorted off the plane as I was holding a mask over his little face. I don’t even have words.” Ms Pendarvis claimed that the pilot apologised to the rest of the passengers for the flight’s delay over the intercom and said: “We are dealing with a non-compliant traveller.” In a short video that was re-shared to Twitter, Ms Pendarvis can be seen attempting to keep a mask on her son while he screams and cries. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> ASTHMATIC two-year-old struggling to breathe during an asthma attack, wasn’t physically capable of wearing a mask on an American Airlines flight. The plane was turned around and mother and baby forced to get off. <a href="https://t.co/p0z63OBmPg">pic.twitter.com/p0z63OBmPg</a> — OKIE PATRIOT 76 (@okiepatriot_76) <a href="https://twitter.com/okiepatriot_76/status/1438502182236479492?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 16, 2021</a></blockquote> The clip then cuts to a moment after Ms Pendarvis and her son were outside the plane, waiting on the jet bridge with authorities. In a statement to Fox News, American Airlines said the party had refused to “comply with crew member instructions to remain seated while on an active taxiway and to wear face coverings over their nose and mouth”. “After observing a minor in the party laying in the aisle and moving between seats on taxi out, our flight crew made multiple attempts to reinforce safety requirements,” an American Airlines spokesman <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.marketwatch.com/story/american-airlines-responds-to-viral-video-appearing-to-show-a-toddler-kicked-off-a-flight-for-not-wearing-a-mask-11631808473" target="_blank">said</a>. “While addressing the party, our crew also reminded the individuals in the party that federal directives require customers to wear a face covering at all times while on board unless actively eating or drinking,” he continued. “At no time was it made known to our crew members that a member of the party was experiencing an asthma attack or trouble breathing.” Ms Pendarvis said she was letting her son walk across the aisle to his grandmother, and that she told flight attendants about her son’s asthma. After she was removed from the plane, the airline said Ms Pendarvis was rebooked on the next flight to Colorado after agreeing to “adhere to policies instituted for the safety of our customers and crew”. Image: Instagram

Travel Trouble

Fashion for a cause: Julie Bishop kicks off Frocktober

Julie Bishop has kicked off this year's Frocktober campaign in style. The former politician and ambassador of the Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation posed in a stunning red and pink ombre ballgown with the unusual backdrop of a lithium mine. The annual Frocktober campaign is aimed at raising much needed awareness and funds for research into ovarian cancer, which over 1,500 women in Australia are <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.ovariancancer.net.au/page/67/about-ovarian-cancer" target="_blank">diagnosed with each year</a>. The ballgown was custom-made by Adelaide designer Jaimie Sortino, who also designed Julie's pink dress from last year's Frocktober campaign. Jaimie began working on the gown last year with his cousin Jenna, who was in the early stages of her ovarian cancer diagnosis. They began working on the dress together as a way to share Jenna's story, who passed away before she could see Julie Bishop in the gown. Jaimie included Jenna's name in the dress, saying "Her story touched many." <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CUdqAJAvSCp/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CUdqAJAvSCp/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Jaimie Sortino (@jaimiesortino)</a> </div> </blockquote> The ombre gown dress features words such as 'raw' and 'emotional' from people living with ovarian cancer and people who've lost loved ones to the illness stitched into the delicate tulle. Julie was photographed at the Mt Marion Lithium project in outback Western Australia by photographer Russell James, who wanted the dress to stand out against the unusual backdrop. Teaming the gown with pink work boots, the mine was chosen for the campaign shoot location to encourage conversations about women's health in every situation, including the workplace. Julie said it was a "great privilege" to support the work of the OCRF in developing a test that will "give women hope in fighting ovarian cancer". "With no early detection test, ovarian cancer is an insidious and dangerous condition," she added. <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.frocktober.org.au/" target="_blank">Frocktober</a> encourages women to use fashion as a creative outlet and don their most show-stopping outfits to shine a light on the issue of ovarian cancer. Image credits: Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation / Russell James / Supplied

Beauty & Style

"COVID kicked my ass pretty good": Jeff Bridges' major health update

Legendary actor Jeff Bridges has discussed his long battle with cancer, and with contracting COVID-19. The 71-year-old shared the first sneak peek from The Old Man, for which he is the star and executive producer, while also sharing a health update on his website. "My cancer is in remission — the 9" to 12" mass has shrunk down to the size of a marble. My COVID is in the rear view mirror," he said. "COVID kicked my ass pretty good, but I'm double vaccinated and feeling much better now," he continued, following up on a post from March where he discussed how he contracted coronavirus at the same place he was undergoing chemotherapy for his lymphoma. "I heard that the vaccine can help folks with long haulers. Maybe that's the cause of my quick improvement." Jeff said he needed oxygen assistance after contracting the virus, but he overcome obstacles in his way to achieve a major milestone. "I had a goal — walking my daughter Hayley down the aisle," he wrote. "She was getting married to a wonderful guy, Justin Shane. Thanks to Zach [Wermers, physical therapist] and my terrific medical team, I was able to, not only walk Hay down the aisle, but do the father/bride dance with her without oxygen." Jeff shared the emotional moment of him dancing with Hayley at her wedding to the Ray Charles song Ain't That Love on his personal website. Image credit: Getty Images

Caring

Prince William kicks off birthday tributes to Camilla

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post-body-container"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> As Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, celebrated her 74th birthday on the weekend, she was showered with love from her friends and family. The first people to kick off the tributes were Prince William and Kate Middleton, sharing a sweet snap on Twitter and wishing her a "very happy birthday". <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Wishing The Duchess of Cornwall a very happy birthday today!🎈 <a href="https://t.co/DZycD89cVR">pic.twitter.com/DZycD89cVR</a> — The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (@KensingtonRoyal) <a href="https://twitter.com/KensingtonRoyal/status/1416290634714001409?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 17, 2021</a></blockquote> Clarence House, which is the official social media handle for the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall herself also wished Camilla a happy birthday. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CRbKUieDdzH/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CRbKUieDdzH/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Clarence House (@clarencehouse)</a> </div> </blockquote> She later acknowledged the good wishes in a post on Instagram. "Thank you for all the birthday wishes for The Duchess of Cornwall," the caption read. Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall have been travelling throughout the UK from London to Wales and attending several royal engagements in the process. </div> </div> </div> </div>

Beauty & Style

Airline passenger’s violent response to kid kicking her seat

Children are not everyone’s cup of tea, however one woman has proven her disdain knows no bounds. One airline passenger in the US let frustration get the best of her on a flight after punching a fellow passenger, allegedly because her child would not stop kicking the back of her seat. She has learnt her lesson the hard way however, as she has since been charged with assault. Daydrena Jaslin Walker-Williams, 29, admitted that she hit Nataly Hernandez “two to three times with her fist” after their Spirit Airlines flight landed in Portland, Oregon, on Sunday. Ms Walker-Williams claimed that during the flight, Ms Hernandez ignored requests to tell her kids to stop kicking the back of her seat. It is also alleged that Ms Hernandez had hit her “on the shoulder” after one such request. Ms Walker-Williams removed her luggage from the overhead locker once they reached Portland International airport and it was then that she struck Ms Hernandez, causing injuries to her head and lip. Police said several witnesses saw this however they could not verify whether Ms Hernandez had provoked the altercation. “You do what you got to do,” Ms Walker-Williams reportedly told police after the incident, The Oregonian reports. Ms Walker-Williams is now facing charges of assault and harassment.

Travel Trouble

Airline passengers kicked off flight after 2-year-old refuses face mask

A Colorado-based mother has slammed United Airlines after her young family were kicked off a plane after her two-year-old daughter refused to wear a mask. Eliz Orban recorded footage of a crew member speaking with her husband as he was trying to keep the mask on their daughter, Edeline. Ms Orban posted the clip on social media, which showed her husband telling the crew member that he was holding the mask on his daughter’s face but she refused to wear it without his assistance. “We just got kicked off a flight because our two-year-old would not put on a mask,” Ms Orban, who was flying from Colorado to Newark, New Jersey, told the camera tearfully. She went on to speak to US talk show Fox and Friends, telling them that the ordeal from start to finish was “humiliating” and “traumatising”. She went on to say that “the staff was rude” from “the get-go”. “We felt like we got no warning, no working with us, no asking questions, nothing to help in the situation,” Orban added. “It was just like, ‘Oh, well your two-year-old is not complying, you guys are off the plane.’” Ms Orban went on to say that she has “never been more confused in my life.” She went on to say “everyone else on the plane was also just watching this and thinking, like, ‘What is happening?’” Edeline is also seen to be visibly upset and refusing to put the mask on before an airline crew member asked the family to step off the aircraft. Ms Orban’s husband responded with: “You gotta be kidding me. Why? We’re over here holding this mask on her face.” The cabin crew member responds with: “I’m sorry sir. I gave you an opportunity. I’ve got to ask you to get off this plane.” In a statement, a United Airlines spokesperson said the mask rule applies to all passengers over the age of two. “The health and safety of our employees and customers is our highest priority, which is why we have a multi-layered set of policies, including mandating that everyone on board two and older wears a mask.” “These procedures are not only backed by guidance from the CDC [The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] and our partners at the Cleveland Clinic, but they’re also consistent across every major airline.”

Travel Trouble

Ejected: Mum's humiliation at being kicked off flight

A mum has revealed she felt “super humiliated” after being kicked off a flight because her toddler pulled down his mask to eat a snack. Mum Jodi Degyansky and her two-year-old son were sitting on a flight due to depart to Fort Myers in Florida for Chicago on Saturday. As they waited for takeoff, her son decided to have a snack. The mum said she was approached by flight attendants after the plane had pushed back from the gate and was taxiing to takeoff. Speaking to Fox 5 Vegas, she said there was “no heated discussion” but the flight soon returned to the gate and they were asked to leave. “I’m super humiliated,” she said, adding her son replaced his mask once the attendants approached her. “Flight attendants kept coming over asking if we would wear it for the full flight, and I said he would,” she told NBC. “It definitely was a struggle but something we’re working on.” She said she tried her best to keep the mask on her son’s face but they were eventually told to leave the flight. “A couple minutes later, we were pulled back into the gate and I was asked to leave the plane, accompanied by the manager, the supervisor, the flight attendants and the pilot,” she said. The airline said they are investigating the incident, but stand by their mask policy. Ms Degyansky has been given a refund by Southwest Airlines for her tickets. “If a customer is unable to wear a face covering for any reason, Southwest regrets that we are unable to transport the individual,” a spokesperson from Southwest Airlines told NBC. “In those cases, we will issue a full refund and hope to welcome the Customer on-board in the future, if public health guidance regarding face coverings changes.” They later flew back to Chicago on a different flight on Saturday night.

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Ejected: Mum's humiliation at being kicked off flight