Search

Readers response: Are there any celebrity biographies or memoirs you’ve read and loved?

We asked our reader if there are there any celebrity biographies or memoirs they have read and loved, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Sarah Hayse-Gregson - I have read so many, I just loved them all. The one that gave me a fit of the giggles was David Niven’s Bring on the Empty Horses. Marie Jones - Jimmy Barnes, what a life. Lorraine Henshaw - Sidney Poitier. I loved him! Michelle Carr - John Farnham, Jelena Dokic, Tina Turner. Margaret Hosking - Poirot and Me by David Suchet, and Margot Fonteyn: A Life by Meredith Daneman. Both excellent!! Janet Courtney - Sister Vivian Bullwinkle who survived being shot by the Japanese on Banka Island during WWII and being taken as a POW. Lindy Joso Kolega - Ahn Do, The Happiest Refugee. Val Goodwin - David Niven, The Moon's A Balloon. Lorraine Masters - Clark Gable, Kamahl, JOK, Sarah Henderson, Debbie Reynolds.....just name a few. I love biographies. Christine Conforth - Keith Richard’s was interesting. Image credits: Shutterstock

Books

Tourists explain why they love “overrated” capital cities

A group of travellers have explained why they love some capital cities that are often dubbed as “overrated”. On a dedicated travel thread on Reddit, one person asked the question, “Which capital city gets a lot of hate that you loved visiting?” which welcomed an influx of responses. A few capital cities were mentioned several times, one of which being the Greece capital of Athens. One Reddit user said they “avoided” Athens for a long time “because all I heard was negativity about it”. However, when they “finally went”, they say they “loved it” and “can't wait to go back”. Another person said they actually “loved” the city's “gritty feel” adding, “Incredible history at every turn, delicious affordable food, fun bars, cool music venues, neighbourhoods full of character and beautiful viewpoints.” Another capital that was mentioned was the Norwegian capital of Oslo, with one person saying the Scandinavian city was perfect for a short getaway. They wrote, “I’m not advising anyone to go for a long time but for a weekend trip, it’s lovely. The seaside is great with lots of beautiful modern architecture, the old town is picturesque, lots of trendy new places to eat and drink, some old castles to walk to and in general a really nice vibe and very walkable.” Washington D.C. was also mentioned with many people defending the city, with one person claiming “it’s generally other Americans who hate it.” One person wrote of the city, “We have great museums, food, way more nature than you’d expect for a city, and incredible music and dance scenes. It’s not just insufferable bureaucracy and politics.” The Belgian capital of Brussels was also mentioned, with the city often copping a lot of flack amongst travellers. However, many were quick to defend the city, as one person wrote,”I loved Brussels, it’s beautiful in places, has amazing museums, great beer, the EU Parliament is really interesting and the Atomium is awesome.” Image credits: Shutterstock

International Travel

The cost of loving our pets – a guide for owners

Every year <a style="color: #0563c1;" href="https://southerncrosspet.co.nz">Southern Cross Pet Insurance</a> supports tens of thousands of pet parents and their furry friends to ensure they can access the healthcare their pets need to stay fit, well and active. Former vet nurse and Southern Cross expert Kerri Murray says there are countless reasons you might need to bring your pet to the vet, from routine checkups and vaccinations to more serious health concerns. She stresses the importance of knowing how to act in different situations. “Just like humans, pets need different vets for different reasons – your local vet will generally be able do all sorts of things including some surgeries, a little like an experienced family GP, whereas an emergency vet or specialist vet is advisable for treatment of major illness or trauma or things like knee reconstruction. The New Zealand Veterinary Association (NZVA) encourages pet owners to keep emergency veterinary clinics for emergencies only, so that pets needing urgent care can be seen as quickly as possible. They recommend you call your vet first and seek advice on whether your dog or cat may need emergency care. If you can wait a while, you can then see your usual vet, who has the advantage of knowing your pet’s health record and how your pet will probably respond to treatment. Vet visits can be costly as there’s no free public healthcare for pets. “Even the most well-behaved pets aren’t immune to having accidents or getting up to mischief – but there’s no such thing as ACC or publicly funded healthcare for cats and dogs,” says Murray. The SCPI team recently canvassed veterinary clinics up and down New Zealand to understand treatment costs. The numbers were independently verified and can be used by owners to understand what they may have to pay for Charlie or Loki (very popular names for pets insured with Southern Cross!) Your hound may develop arthritis as it ages, so expect to pay $1,000 to $4,500 for diagnosis and annual treatment. Likewise pets can develop allergies which can cost between $1,000 to $4000 for annual care. Grasses and some foods are often the culprits. A broken leg which can result from a high jump or accident could end up with costs to treat ranging from $1,000 to $7,000 When it comes to cats, wound treatment and surgical procedures resulting from a cat fight could set an owner back $500 to $1,800. Cancerous lump removal can cost between $900 to $3,000 and urinary infections can cost between $200 to $3,000. If your beloved is hit by a car, treatment and surgery costs could range from $800 to $3,000. Kerri Murray says, “Our experience shows it’s important not to underestimate how much vet bills can be. Pets give us so much joy, but when they are sick or injured there’s no safety net unless you have the peace of mind of pet insurance, especially when you end up at a specialist emergency vet. <h3 style="margin: 14pt 0cm 0cm; line-height: 17.12px; break-after: auto; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Calibri Light', sans-serif; color: #1f4d78; font-weight: normal;">More specialist care, less stress</h3> Southern Cross Pet Insurance customers can now access an exclusive 10% discount on treatment at VSA’s three hospitals in Auckland and Christchurch for both their specialist services and the 24 hour emergency care in Auckland. On top of that, they can take advantage of a service called <a style="color: #0563c1;" href="https://www.southerncrosspet.co.nz/pet-hub/news/partners-with-veterinary-specialists-aotearoa">Pet Easy-Claim</a>, which is available for treatment costs exceeding $1,000. The Pet Easy-Claim service streamlines the process at a time when pet parents are often feeling overwhelmed. “If your pet’s treatment qualifies, VSA will handle the claim directly with us,” Murray explains. “We’ll pay what’s covered under your policy straight to the provider, so you only need to cover the balance.” It’s a win-win for pet parents, prioritising the health and well-being of their animals while removing some of the financial stress. <h3 style="margin: 14pt 0cm 0cm; line-height: 17.12px; break-after: auto; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Calibri Light', sans-serif; color: #1f4d78; font-weight: normal;">Protecting pets just makes sense</h3> Southern Cross Pet Insurance currently helps care for the health of over 65,000 pets in New Zealand, highlighting the popularity—and necessity—of having a plan in place. “Pets bring us so much joy, but when they’re sick or injured, it can be tough emotionally and financially,” Murray reflects. While routine checkups and minor ailments are part of being a pet parent, emergencies can and do happen. Knowing how to act in different scenarios, whether it’s a trip to your family vet or an emergency clinic, is crucial. And having pet insurance takes it a step further, giving you the peace of mind that your pet’s health is in good hands—even when faced with unexpected costs. Sign up for pet insurance or find out more <a style="color: #0563c1;" href="http://www.scpi.co.nz/">here</a>. This is a sponsored article produced in partnership with Southern Cross Pet Insurance

Family & Pets

"Overflowing with love": Fergie celebrates newest grandchild

Sarah Ferguson has welcomed her fourth grandchild with the arrival of Princess Beatrice's second daughter. The Duchess of York shared a sweet photo of the new baby to Instagram, introducing the tiny tot and sharing her name. "Overflowing with love and joy to be able to welcome Athena Elizabeth Rose into the world," Fergie wrote. "She is already so adored and I'm incredibly blessed to be a Granny once again. So proud of Edo, Beatrice and the rest of my little 5-a-side team!" Proud new dad Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, who took to the sweet snap of the camera-shy bub covering her face in her oversized onesie, commented on the post. "The best Gigi," he wrote, referring to what Fergie's grandkids call her. Edoardo also shared a post of the new baby, saying their family is "already completely besotted with her." He added, "A massive thank you from my wife and I goes out to all the wonderful staff at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital for their exceptional care and support during this incredibly special time." Beatrice and Edoardo welcomed their first child, Sienna Elizabeth Mapelli Mozzi, on September 18th 2021, who is now three. Beatrice is also a loving stepmother to Mapelli Mozzi’s son, Christopher Wolf, affectionately known as Wolfie, from a previous relationship. Fergie is also a proud parent to her daughter Princess Eugenie's two children, August, three, and Ernest, one. Image credits: Instagram

Family & Pets

Does ‘made with love’ sell? Research reveals who values handmade products the most

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tuba-degirmenci-2291455">Tuba Degirmenci</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/frank-mathmann-703900">Frank Mathmann</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gary-mortimer-1322">Gary Mortimer</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a> We’ve all seen the marketing message “handmade with love”. It’s designed to tug at our heartstrings, suggesting extra care and affection went into crafting a product. As Valentine’s Day approaches, many businesses will ramp up such messaging in their advertising. Handmade gifts are often cast as more thoughtful, special options than their mass-produced, machine-made alternatives. But does “love” actually sell? Our new <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cb.2455">research</a>, published in the Journal of Consumer Behaviour, reveals not everyone feels the same way about these labels. Why do some people feel handmade products are made with love, while others don’t really care? We found it’s all about how they approach purchase decisions. <h2>A deeper, human connection</h2> Why do businesses market products as handmade? Previous research has shown handmade labels can lead to higher positive emotions. This tendency is known as the “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1509/jm.14.0018">handmade effect</a>”. In a world of seemingly perfect and polished products, <a href="https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/09590551211267593/full/html">research</a> shows consumers increasingly prefer human (as opposed to machine) interactions, including in their shopping experiences. It’s also been shown that giving handmade gifts can <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11002-024-09722-w">promote social relationships</a>. We often associated handmade products with smaller “cottage” retailers. But many major global retailers – including <a href="https://www.amazon.com/b?ie=UTF8&node=120955898011">Amazon</a> and <a href="https://www.ikea.com/au/en/new/handcrafted-textiles-for-a-better-future-pub6fc26570/">IKEA</a> – have strategically introduced handmade products, aiming to connect on a deeper emotional level with their consumers. Our research found not all consumers respond in the same way to these marketing messages. <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/kYn-xUjv_qs?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption>IKEA has previously run a dedicated handmade marketing campaign.</figcaption></figure> <h2>Who cares about love?</h2> Across two studies, we found that the response to marketing products as “handmade” depends on a consumer’s locomotion orientation – put simply, how they approach decisions and other actions. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022435917300155">Low-locomotion individuals</a> take things more slowly. They take their time and can thoroughly consider their purchase decisions. Think of them as the “mindful”. In contrast, high-locomotion individuals are “doers”. They like to get things done quickly without getting stuck in the details. They are the “grab-and-go” shopper. When the way they perform an action – such as making a purchase – matches their fast-paced mindset, something remarkable happens: they experience what’s called “<a href="https://myscp.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/jcpy.1317">regulatory fit</a>”. This fit boosts their emotions and engagement. <h2>Our first study</h2> In our first study, participants imagined buying a gift for a loved one. They were split into three groups and presented with a photo of the same mug. One group was informed that the mug was “handmade”, one group informed it was “machine-made”, and the last group was not offered any “production cue”. We also asked and measured how much “love” they felt the mug contained – and how much they would pay for it. The handmade mug evoked more love and led to a higher willingness to pay – but only for those with a “low-locomotion” orientation. High-locomotion individuals didn’t react in the same way. For these “doers”, the backstory of how the mug had been made wasn’t as important as just getting a product they needed. For the “doers”, the benefits of marketing the mug as handmade actually backfired. They felt more love for the mug if it had no label at all. <h2>Our second study</h2> By communicating with consumers on social media, marketers can trigger a mindset called “regulatory locomotion mode”. Put simply, this is the mode where we take action and make progress toward goals. Marketers can do this by using <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.79.5.793">locomotion-activating</a> words such as “move” and “go” to encourage active decision-making. To borrow one famous example from Nike: “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.79.5.793">Just Do It</a>”. Our second study examined the marketer-generated content of over 9,000 Facebook posts from the verified <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Etsy">Etsy</a> Facebook page. We analysed how locomotion-activating words in social media posts for handmade products influence consumer engagement. In other words, we wanted to understand how these words affected social media engagement with the potential consumers reading them, particularly in terms of social media shares. We found the higher an individual’s locomotion orientation was, the fewer social media “shares” for handmade products occurred. <h2>So, does handmade really matter?</h2> As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, understanding these differences can help retailers tailor their marketing strategies. For “mindful” customers, retailers should highlight the story of the craftsmanship, care, and love behind a handmade product for Valentine’s Day. Use emotional language such as “made with love”. But be aware this mightn’t work on everyone. For a customer base of “doers”, keep it simple, leaving out unnecessary details about production methods. There are a range of <a href="https://marketingplatform.google.com/about/">website analytical tools</a> that can help retailers identify how their customers approach their purchase decision-making. Do they browse quickly, hopping from one product to the next, opting for “<a href="https://www.business.com/articles/one-click-purchasing-how-click-to-buy-is-revolutionizing-ecommerce/">one-click</a>” purchasing? Or do they take their time, browsing slowly and considering their product selection? Personalised marketing messages can then be crafted to emphasise the aspects – love or efficiency – that matter most to each group. The key lies in knowing who you’re speaking to.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/247351/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/tuba-degirmenci-2291455">Tuba Degirmenci</a>, PhD Candidate School of Advertising, Marketing and Public Relations, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/frank-mathmann-703900">Frank Mathmann</a>, Lecturer (Assistant Professor), <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gary-mortimer-1322">Gary Mortimer</a>, Professor of Marketing and Consumer Behaviour, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/does-made-with-love-sell-research-reveals-who-values-handmade-products-the-most-247351">original article</a>.

Money & Banking

Readers response: What’s a travel memory that’s made you feel connected to past generations or history?

We asked our readers to share their favourite travel stories that made them reflect on travellers that came before them, and if they have ever felt connected to past generations or history in certain locations. Here's what they said. Yve T Plus Kaiser Kody - Egypt! Walking in the footsteps of the ancients, amazing aura. Such a wonderful history and the architecture was mind-blowing. Gail Ladds - Visiting Gallipoli last year. My Grandfather was in one of the landings and fought there. Putting my feet in the water had me crying and thinking how horrific it must have been for all of them. Anna-Therese Eastment - Quietly touching the walls of the Coliseum, and waiting to hear their whispers of history. Not the salacious ones - but the hopes and dreams of the wall builders themselves. The reply I heard was that those were fundamentally along the lines of the hopes and dreams we hold today. Sorry for the long splurge, but in the midst of all that busyness I truely felt the threads that linked us across the eons. Awesome. Denise Ryan - Skibbereen in West Cork, Ireland where my father’s family came from many generations ago. Lorraine Hodder - England. Both my paternal and maternal families originated there. I felt a real affinity with it. Jim Janush - Having a photo myself taken in 1993 on a seat in Kaunas, Lithuania, at the same place where my father had his photo taken in 1943. Ralph G Smith - Visiting the beaches of Normandy and the World War One battlefields in France! Marilyn Thomson - Walking in Tipperary, knowing my ancestors walked the same tracks and fields before coming to Australia. Bob Brownley - Standing at the empty site in Govan, Glasgow on which the house stood in which my mother was born in 1902. Steven Schulze - Cebu, Philippines at the statue of Magellan, then China, entombed warriors, Forbidden City and Great Wall. Image credits: Shutterstock

International Travel

"You made me enjoy the game": Federer's emotional retirement letter to Nadal

Roger Federer has penned an emotional tribute to Rafael Nadal ahead of his retirement, reflecting on their stellar careers together. Nadal’s career officially came to an end when Spain was defeated 2-1 by the Netherlands in the Davis Cup quarter-final in Malaga on Wednesday morning, with Nadal in tears as he stepped onto the court for the final time. Thousands of tributes poured in for Nadal as his retirement officially began, but Federer's tribute quickly went viral for his emotional words. “As you get ready to graduate from tennis, I’ve got a few things to share before I maybe get emotional,” Federer said. “Let’s start with the obvious: you beat me - a lot. More than I managed to beat you. You challenged me in ways no one else could. On clay, it felt like I was stepping into your backyard, and you made me work harder than I ever thought I could just to hold my ground." “You made me reimagine my game - even going so far as to change the size of my racquet head, hoping for any edge. I’m not a very superstitious person, but you took it to the next level. Your whole process. All those rituals." “Assembling your water bottles like toy soldiers in formation, fixing your hair, adjusting your underwear … All of it with the highest intensity. Secretly, I kind of loved the whole thing. Because it was so unique - it was so you." “And you know what, Rafa, you made me enjoy the game even more. OK, maybe not at first. After the 2004 Australian Open, I achieved the No. 1 ranking for the first time. I thought I was on top of the world. And I was - until two months later, when you walked on the court in Miami in your red sleeveless shirt, showing off those biceps, and you beat me convincingly." "All that buzz I’d been hearing about you - about this amazing young player from Mallorca, a generational talent, probably going to win a major someday - it wasn’t just hype." “We were both at the start of our journey and it’s one we ended up taking together. Twenty years later, Rafa, I have to say: What an incredible run you’ve had. Including 14 French Opens - historic! You made Spain proud … you made the whole tennis world proud." “And then there was London – the Laver Cup in 2022. My final match. It meant everything to me that you were there by my side – not as my rival but as my doubles partner." “Sharing the court with you that night, and sharing those tears, will forever be one of the most special moments of my career.” Federer signed off the 585-word tribute from “your fan Roger”. Image credits: ANDY RAIN/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock Editorial

Retirement Life

Readers response: What’s the best book you’ve read recently, and what did you love about it?

With hundreds of new books on the market, it's hard to know what are the best to recommend. We asked our readers what the best book they've read recently is and what did they love about it, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Helen Ulgekutt - The Venice Hotel by Tess Woods, loved it start to finish. Zoy Crizzle - The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. Great book, so easy to read and an interesting story line. I loved it. Keralie Stack - I have just finished Fallen Woman by Fiona McIntosh. A good read. Karen Peardon - The Borrowed Life of Frederick Fife by Anna Johnston. A great story. Nola Schmidt - The Perfect Passion Company by Alexander McCall Smith. It was clever, witty, and gentle. June Lennie - People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks. Interesting story set in different historical periods. Brilliantly written and researched. Christine Hayes - Where the Crawdads Sing, just beautiful. Sandra Moores - All That's Left Unsaid by Tracey Lien. A great debut based in Cabramatta, very compelling read. Greg Cudmore - 'To Alpha From Omega'. Although very much Australian, its themes are universal. Denise Zephyr - The Days I Loved You Most. Such a beautiful story and a beautiful ending. Marie Chong - Minding Frankie by Maeve Binchy. I love all her books, she tells a good story. Yvonne Bercov - The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, couldn’t put it down. Image credits: Shutterstock

Books

How one elderly couple made their big move to Italy

US couple Tony Smarrelli, 74, and his wife, Francine, 75, were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary in Venice, Italy when they decided to move to Italy for good. The Smarrelli's, who are retired elementary teachers from New York and both of Italian descent relocated to the picturesque coastal town of Scalea in southern Italy. “We were in St Mark’s Square (in Venice) when a quartet started playing (classic Italian song) Malafemmina,” Tony recalled the day they decided to make the big move. “It brought tears to my eyes, because my father would put on his Italian records every Sunday for dinner and would sing that song to my mother.” Looking to reconnect with their Italian roots, they purchased a 139 metre property with three bedrooms, a dining room and a walk-in-closet for for €150,000 ($A247,754) in November 2023. “We flew to Italy for the second time in 2023 and put an offer in for that home. We then secured our visas in the US in three hours, sold our home (in the US), packed up our belongings and flew back to Italy in December 2023,” Tony said. While their home in the peaceful coastal time was already livable when they bought it, the couple chose to renovate it, spending an extra €80,000 (about $A132,086) to retile the property, add a new plumbing and electric system, as well as two new bathrooms, an entire kitchen, doors, windows and screens. The property was renovated within four-months, and they said that a similar home in the US would have been nearly impossible for them to afford. “It would be easily $US1 ($A1.5) million to $2 million to live on a coast of South California or (a place with) any coastal views on the Eastern Seaboard,” Tony said. Tony's father and grandfather initially immigrated to the US in 1983 to make a better life for themselves, now 86 years later, Tony has returned to his homeland. “Some of my best friends said it takes a lot of guts to pick up and move to another country at 74 years of age. “I tell them it took guts for my father and grandfather to come to another country on a boat for eight weeks with no home, no work, very little money, no resources to make a better life for themselves,” Tony said. “In our modern world, it’s just a lifestyle change and for us, it was a good choice.” The couple said since their big move, they've cut back nearly y $3000 ($A4574) per month on expenses, which amounts to $36,000 ($A54,894) a year. The couple now spends about $1200 ($A1825) a month between the two of them. Back in the US, the couple's mortgage alone was $US1500 per month ($A2281) “Monthly expenses in the US before leaving were between $US4800 to $US5000 a month. In all we are about $US3000 less monthly living here in Italy,” Tony said. Tony plans to apply for an Italian citizenship, and while his father was naturalised as an American citizen before he was born, he plans to rectify this by appealing to a local court. Images: CNN

International Travel

Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Unlike Britain’s royal family, most of us don’t have the option to move to another country when we don’t see eye to eye. But most of us have likely experienced disagreements with loved ones. <a href="https://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/soc/faculty/heritage/Site/Publications_files/CA_as_SOCIAL_THEORY.pdf">Conversations are designed to</a> do things – to start some action, and complete it – whether it’s a service transaction, an invitation to coffee or reassurance on a bad day. Our <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZnhyDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false">uniquely complex communicative system</a> has evolved to help us get things done in the social world. Arguments are part of this complex system. They can be unavoidable, necessary or even productive. But they can also be difficult. It can be hard to know what to do when tensions are high and harsh words are flying, particularly when it involves someone you’re close to. But research on how disputes unfold – and conversation more generally – offers some ideas about the best way to handle one. <h2>What is a dispute?</h2> There are many words for disagreeing, and there are plenty of academic theories describing what disputes are and why they happen. But arguments are not abstract models. They’re lived in, breathed in, sweated in and talked (or sometimes shouted) into being. Research focusing on <a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/288351315.pdf">how disputes actually happen</a> shows they’re characterised by three types of features. First are the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606000488">vocal features</a>, which include talking in a higher pitch, louder and faster. Then, there are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1750481310395452?casa_token=MCNQWEQD6HwAAAAA:8nbyXh-cgjWzfL3syRrwybRFQl_ddHIMy9tRIAwPRAFADrgHtR2LSl9ZoUFsVlnzWPjWaKQZZ9XEVA">embodied features</a> such as aggressive gestures and avoidant stances, such as turning away from someone. Finally, there are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/01638539009544746?casa_token=BB9edpIE1oUAAAAA:FTK-JRJ2oCmG7BufkUAQX1k1_9C1Cvc12r5ynYPM6duFB-HDWhgef8Va-Rh5Z2XksR64oTcPmi4FAQ">interactional features</a> such as talking over each other, not listening or metatalk – <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=isJl2NJbSIkAAAAA:Mh-dXMfkBSGvEeoOWAoxLDjzbZ_eF-zbND-D8q4RAP5WHadqg1KUZDF_UnySFAcyb3LD-DF3BbGq1A">comments about the conversation</a> as it’s happening. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1354067X9953001?casa_token=Gje17vkyg_AAAAAA:ik_4Ze-4PIFLa6yjthOpztvJrtdVOokhRT73M8jDN4t1w0Bl7WzW2--d1vjZwanphorOH_r6jaVZdA">Displays of emotion</a> such as displeasure or anger, are also common. Participants might accuse each other of emotions or label their own emotions. Disputes happen for several reasons. What each person is doing can vary, from <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.530.8869&rep=rep1&type=pdf">complaints and accusations</a> to <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1348/014466610X500791?casa_token=r58ikQ5XFxEAAAAA:QR9wr0Fcz7q5BeSvL8soAIhKMNA1O9TcpcBaLleBKDvZ8Q5sPyX1OSg0OzSL5-xb8By5QbgNm9kHNhg">demands, threats or resistance</a>. They can be about many things – familial obligations, what to have for dinner, politics or how to plan a holiday. Luckily, disputes share elements <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2NxaC7nSetAC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false">with each other</a> and with conversation generally – so you don’t have to invent new strategies every time you’re caught in one. <h2>Affiliation and alignment</h2> When bickering with a friend or family member, there are ways to make them feel like you’re still on their side even if you disagree. If you can keep these in mind, and use them at the right time, you might stop your dispute from escalating into something harder to mend. The first thing is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781405198431.wbeal0196.pub2">affiliation</a>, which means support for the other person or their view of things. Affiliation involves phrasing what you say so it’s best <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351810903471258?casa_token=yxnWxfDAEB8AAAAA:uoHEX2dlOS06wxwlHH7TOWmmfB51qMMbzg5tadx5SeRcf_5-vABUKQZtIt0Hchu4vUlFNfCX4qRi5A">understood and easier to respond to</a>. For example, saying “you’ve been to France before, right?” invites someone to share their experience – partly by including the tag “right” at the end, which at least requires a confirmation. It can also involve categorisation, the way we talk about or treat others as <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF00142771.pdf">certain types or group members</a>. For example, if you reduce the other person to a stereotype through labelling – by saying something like “girls always say stuff like that” or “OK, boomer” – you risk provoking a response to the insult, not to the action in which that insult was embedded. The second thing we expect from any conversation is alignment – cooperating with the direction of the conversation, such as accepting or denying a request. The opposite, disalignment, might occur when a request is ignored. Alignment has more to do with the sequence of the conversation, how the dispute unfolds over time. Asking for clarification – a practice known as <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0136100">repair</a> – or <a href="https://www.jbe-platform.com/content/journals/10.1075/prag.27.1.03rob?crawler=true">claiming a misunderstanding</a> can treat problems as fixable errors rather than moral failings or attacks. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0261927X17744244">Humour can diffuse</a> conflict escalation. <h2>How to have a healthy dispute</h2> In the course of a dispute, you need to think about when to bring these tactics out. They’re more likely to yield better outcomes earlier in the dispute. By the time it’s escalated, your responses may be viewed through the prism of the dispute and <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=eFSXDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT200&ots=6tM3fJnXr1&sig=Zchtur1abh25W7ERN5Q49ASRaJc#v=onepage&q&f=false">any offensiveness</a> you’ve already displayed toward each other. In cases like this, teasing can come across as contempt, for example, and claims to misunderstand as bad-faith mockery. It can feel like disputes take on a life of their own – as if the conversation uses us rather than we use it – and this is partly because conversation can seemingly take us along for the ride (consider the difficulty of turning down invitations). We invest our identities into conversations so disputes can seem to threaten us and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=1SbOpn_2k8MAAAAA:YQ2Yb9nt-ONsmBKmVzTCx8cfl76bS5nK6_Yd8zONBVJFdJ57vwgdBDJxsXfk0aUOhilRQAF-ABA">what we stand for</a> morally. This may be starker with family, whose opinions of us often matter more than friends or colleagues, for example. It’s always worth stopping to reflect on what a dispute is really for, whether what you’re saying lines up with your goals and whether taking a stand is worth it.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159565/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/arguing-with-the-people-you-love-how-to-have-a-healthy-family-dispute-159565">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Readers response: What’s one small change you’ve made that’s had a big impact on your physical health?

When it comes to our overall health, sometimes it's the minor changes that can make all the difference in the long run. We asked our readers what one small change has had the biggest impact on their health overall, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Marlene Hassett - I adopted a retired greyhound that makes sure I go for a walk every morning. Judith Leoni - No small change and it was hardest thing I have ever done, but giving up smoking! Sharolynn Marshman - Twice weekly exercise classes with my husband. Steve Smith - Severely reduced alcohol consumption. Deb Moore - Stop thinking about it. Look after myself. Eat good food, drink good wine, enjoy the fact that I wake up each day. Life is so special and so fragile. If you treasure your life, it will treasure and nurture you. Julieanne Ditchfield - Mindfulness, meditation and breathing techniques. Deedee Cullum - Having an afternoon rest. Margaret Dixon - Going to an exercise physiologist. Bill Nicholson - Retiring! Margaret Bandiera - Cut out sugar, dairy, gluten and alcohol. Image credits: Shutterstock

Body

Readers response: Are there any particular museums or historical sites that have made a lasting impression on you?

When travelling around the world, some museums, attractions and historical sites can have more of a lasting impact than others. We asked our readers if there are any particular places that have had a lasting impression on them while travelling, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Anne Hare - The Alhambra in Granada, Spain. Absolutely beautiful. Don't miss it! Sandra Beckett - Seemingly little known, but the British Library in London has an absolutely jaw-dropping permanent exhibition of literature. Original handwritten manuscripts from famous authors through the ages. Wonderful for book lovers. Jackie A Morris - St Paul's Cathedral London. Not being one to get into churches, but I went there as my son asked me to. I was in awe, managed the climb to the spire as well. Etched in my memory. Christine Taylor - The Pantheon is certainly up there. Tony Hallam - The Colosseum in Rome. I was in awe knowing i was standing in the place where gladiators had stood and fought 2000 years ago. Pamela Rigby - In Flanders Fields, Ypres, Belgium. Kris White - Killing Fields in Cambodia, chilling and desperately sad. Gayle Morris - Stonehenge and the Cliffs of Moher. George Jamieson - The statue of David in Florence, out of this world!!! Jim Janush - Museo De La Revolución, Havana, Cuba. Margie Buckingham - The Uluṟu rock base at sunset- its eerie silence is unnerving. Steve Gerreyn - Cathedral of Seville. Magnificent. Image credits: Shutterstock

Travel Trouble

Arrests made after woman ends her life in "suicide pod"

Police in Switzerland have made several arrests in connection with a woman's death in the Australian-made "suicide pod". The 'Sarco' capsule was used for the first time by a 64-year-old American woman who was “immune compromised” and had been in “severe pain” for “at least two years”. The pod is designed for the user to push a button that injects nitrogen gas into the sealed chamber, with the person inside then supposed to fall asleep and die of suffocation in a few minutes. The Sarco machine (short for sarcophagus) was invented by Australian Dr Philip Nitschke, who has been nicknamed “Dr Death”, said the machine had performed exactly as it had been designed", with the woman's death occurring as "expected". “It looked exactly as we expected it to look. My guess is that she lost consciousness within two minutes and that she died after five minutes,” Dr Nitschke told Dutch media. “We saw sudden, small contractions and movements of the muscles in her arms, but she was probably already unconscious by then.” Dr Nitschke claimed the woman “almost immediately” pressed the button, adding, “She didn’t say anything. She really wanted to die.” However, despite the woman's wishes to take her own life, Swiss police announced that several people were taken into custody over the woman's death and are now facing criminal charges, suspected of “inducement and aiding and abetting suicide.” The arrests took place despite the fact that Dr Nitschke had previously told AP that his organisation received advice from lawyers in Switzerland that the use of the Sarco would be legal in the country, where active euthanasia is banned but assisted dying has been legal for decades. Need to talk to someone? Don't go it alone. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 SANE: 1800 187 263; saneforums.org Image credits: Exit International

Caring

Readers response: Do you find technology has made travel easier or more complicated?

When it comes to travelling, advancements in technology over the years have made the world much more accessible. However, sometimes tech can backfire and leave you lost or stranded. We asked our readers if they find technology has made travel easier or more complicated, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. Dawn Douglas - Easier by far. You can find hotels, cafes, restaurants, tours and so on. Christine James - Easier, but we would still rather book through a travel agent. It can be good for research to where you are going though. Brian Adams - Travel without a smartphone is nearly impossible! There’s no other option to get around sometimes! June Maynard - More complicated. I'm glad I'm married to an IT tech guy! I leave it all up to him. Pat Isaacs - Everything seems more complicated with technology for me!! Karen Salvietti - Much easier to get around with technology overseas. Val Goodwin - Far more complicated for me, I'm technically challenged lol. Rosemary Miles - I’m 81 and technology has made everything easier for me. I travel overseas twice a year and hope to be able to keep doing it for a few years longer. I’m spending the grandkids’ inheritance! Image credits: Shutterstock

Travel Trouble

Flight attendant shares travel tips for loved-up couples

A flight attendant has shared what loved-up couples should not do when taking a trip together. Seasoned cabin crew member Suzanne Bucknam has warned couples to be wary of appropriate behaviour, and advised against these travel “icks”. Suzie told <a href="https://www.skyparksecure.com/">SkyParkSecure</a>, that one thing couples should be aware of when travelling are public displays of affection (PDA), which could land you in trouble. "A kiss on the lips or handholding doesn't warrant ick status but making out and putting a blanket over each other's laps gets very uncomfortable for everyone in the vicinity," Suzanne explains. "I've seen several couples attempt to join the mile-high club either in the bathroom or, worse, at their seats with said blanket over them. In fact, I've caught a couple with their pants down in the back of our plane once. We did an emergency landing and had them escorted off the plane, then got back in the air without them.” "It should be known that you can be arrested for public indecency, and flight attendants won't be afraid to call the authorities if they see you trying to get too cosy with your partner." Another must do for travelling couples is to book your plane seats together, rather than ask other passengers to change seats. "A simple boarding process can become a nightmare if couples don't book seats together but demand another passenger to move," she says. "Not only does it slow the process down significantly, but it often causes an altercation between passengers when someone won't move. Someone picked and paid for that seat, so they are well within their right to turn down a request to switch." Suzie said that while she understands couples, especially honeymooners, are excited about their travels, that doesn’t give them the right to make demands, and being difficult will get you nowhere. "What I wish all honeymooners knew before travelling somewhere is that, just because they're celebrating, it doesn't mean others have to celebrate or contribute to that celebration. If you do get a free upgrade or a free drink, fantastic! But please don't demand one from an unsuspecting flight attendant," she explains. "And as an employee who has been in that situation, it's just plain awkward if there are no upgrades available, and it's against the airline's policy to give freebies." Image credits: Shutterstock

Travel Tips

Woman “bullied” on plane over budget seating trick

A young woman has recalled a flight from hell when she was “bullied” by a couple who were trying to utilise a seating hack that went viral on TikTok. The solo traveller took to Reddit to recount the story and ask social media users if she was in the wrong for her action. The woman began by saying she usually pays more to select her plane seat ahead of time, but a medical emergency on another plane had her waiting on standby and left with no option other than to sit in a middle seat. When she was finally able to board, she was greeted by a couple who had purchased both the window and aisle seats in a bid to have more space, utilising a travel “trick” that has been popular on TikTok. The method, which has been dubbed the 'poor man's business class', usually leaves travellers with an empty middle seat and more space, and few travellers opt to pick a middle seat. “When I got to my row the man and woman were chatting and sharing a snack... it was obvious they were together. I mentioned to the man that I'm in the middle, and he got up to let me in,” the unsuspecting traveller wrote on Reddit. “I asked them if they would prefer to sit together, I said I was totally okay with that. The woman reacted rudely to this and said ‘you're not supposed to be sitting here anyway’.” After noticing how the plane was full, she offered to show the pair her new ticket with the correct seat number on it. “She flicked her hand at my ticket and made a disgusted sound. I offered again if they wanted to sit together to which she didn't reply, her partner said it's okay and... made some small talk,” she continued. The man’s girlfriend then interrupted their conversation to ask,”'Did you use one of those third party websites to book your flight? It's so frustrating when people cheap out to inconvenience others.” The American woman explained that she had booked her flight directly and she had been placed on standby like everyone else and didn't choose the middle seat - she was assigned it. She then tried to keep the peace by refusing to engage with the furious woman. “I was so done with her attitude, I put my headphones on and attempted to do my own thing,” she explained. But the “entitled” girlfriend wasn't letting it go, as the woman explained, “This woman kept reaching over me and tapping her partner and trying to talk to him in a way that was super intrusive.” “I could tell even her partner was trying to engage her less so that she would hopefully stop, but she didn't.” “I think they tried to pull that tactic where they don't sit together on purpose...hoping no one will sit between them. But on full flights it doesn't work. And even so - it's not the other person's fault.” The traveller's post was met with hundreds of comments slamming the girlfriend’s behaviour, as one person wrote, “It's like a toddler having a tantrum.” “She was disappointed and a total a**hole. Gross entitled people,” another added. Another person applauded the traveller’s level-headed behaviour, writing, “Wow! You are my hero for keeping it classy - I’m afraid I would not have been as kind as you.” Image credits: Shutterstock

Travel Trouble

Olympics of love: 7 wedding proposals and counting!

Paris truly is the city of love, with a growing list of athletes proposing to during the Olympics. The latest athlete to get down on one knee is French runner Alice Finot, making her the seventh Games athlete to tie the knot. Finot's proposal has gone viral for her break in stereotypes, after she decided to propose to her boyfriend after her action-packed 3000m steeplechase race. After the women's final, she ran towards the stand searching for her partner, kneeled down and proposed by offering him an Olympic pin, which reads "Love is in the air in Paris", which she had held during the race. As she handed it to her boyfriend, Spanish triathlete Bruno Martínez Bargiela, the couple broke into a long and passionate hug that moved her now-fiancé to tears. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-YDFyCxu_i/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-YDFyCxu_i/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by TRACK NEWS TODAY (@tracknewstoday)</a> </div> </blockquote> The proposal happened after Finot had just broken the European record in the discipline, missing out on the bronze medal just by a margin of a few seconds. It was Argentina that launched the trend of athletes getting proposed in the City of Love, as men's handball player Pablo Simonet proposed to field hockey team member Maria Campoy during a photo opportunity just one day after the opening ceremony. On Friday, French skiff sailing partners Sarah Steyaert and Charline Picon were both proposed to after scooping a bronze, just one day before badminton player Liu Yu Chen proposed to her girlfriend Huang Ya Qiong after she'd won a gold medal. The US Team have also been loved up while in Paris, as rowing athlete Justin Best got engaged to former Irish dancer Lainey Duncan on Monday, a day after shot putter Payton Otterdahl <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/olympian-proposes-in-the-city-of-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener">proposed</a> to his girlfriend, Maddy Nilles, in front of the Eiffel Tower. Image credits: Nine News

Relationships

Olympian proposes in the City of Love

US shot putter Payton Otterdahl is finally engaged to his longtime girlfriend Maddy Nilles after eight years together. In a heartwarming post shared to Instagram, the Olympian captured the exact moment he popped the question under the Eiffel Tower. "Meanwhile, in the City of Love..." he captioned the photo in the City of Love. "I love you forever, Maddy Nilles!" Otterdahl added with a red heart emoji. In another photo, the newly-engaged couple were pictured sharing a kiss under the iconic monument to celebrate the milestone. Nilles re-shared the post to her Instagram story with a wholesome message in French. "Je vous aime," she wrote, which means "I love you" in English. While Otterdahl just missed out on an Olympic medal in Paris as he placed fourth in the shot put, many congratulated him for taking home the best prize - a love that will "last a lifetime". "Congratulations!!" Team USA shot putter and Olympic silver medalist Joe Kovacs said. "A legendary weekend for you guys. Congrats, and cheers!" one fan wrote. "You just won your gold medal! It will last a lifetime!" another added. "You’re joking!!!! This is the best news!!! A legendary weekend for you guys. Congrats, and cheers!" wrote a third. The Team USA and USA Track and Field accounts have also celebrated the couple's engagement news in a joined Instagram post. "It's an Olympic proposal," they announced. "Congratulations, Payton and Maddy!" Images: Instagram

Relationships

Sorting a loved one’s finances after their death – what you need to know

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-reed-1548385">Kate Reed</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sheffield-1147">University of Sheffield</a> Financial anxiety is often talked about, but rarely in the context of bereavement. Following the death of a loved one, relatives usually have to complete a range of financial “death administration” tasks. These can be anything from closing bank accounts and settling utility bills to managing probate (things like property sales, asset management and inheritance distribution). The <a href="https://bereavementcommission.org.uk/media/xube5elb/ukbc_summary_report_low-res.pdf">UK Commission on Bereavement</a> has estimated that 61% of adults struggle to deal with such time consuming and time sensitive administrative responsibilities. While research has begun to shed light on some of the financial difficulties bereaved people can face after the death of a <a href="https://bmcwomenshealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12905-015-0194-1">spouse</a> or a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1468-4446.12190">family member</a>, the emotional toll of navigating financial admin after bereavement remains <a href="https://www.bereavementjournal.org/index.php/bcj/article/view/1114">largely invisible</a>. But the good news is there are several resources that can help bereaved people to navigate these processes, including the UK government’s own <a href="https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies">step-by-step guide</a>. We conducted <a href="https://thenbs.org/partnerships/death-admin-research-report">research</a> on death admin in collaboration with the <a href="https://thenbs.org/">National Bereavement Service</a>, an organisation that provides free practical and emotional support for anyone who has lost a loved-one. The study showed how government services provide a gateway to sorting out a range of financial issues. Financial organisations require proof of the death through a death certificate. This is provided when you <a href="https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies">register</a> a death with the local registrar of births, marriages and deaths. Where there is an inquest, an interim death certificate will be issued. Often, multiple copies of the death certificate are needed. And, at £12.50 for <a href="https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate">each copy</a> (£12 in <a href="https://www.mygov.scot/birth-death-marriage-certificate#:%7E:text=You%20can%20order%20a%20certificate,orders%20made%20in%20another%20way.">Scotland</a>), the financial burden falling on bereaved people can quickly grow. In terms of tax, pensions and benefits, the registrar provides a unique reference number that bereaved people can use to inform the government through a service called <a href="https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once">Tell Us Once</a>. This is an initiative that notifies national and local government bodies including HM Revenue and Customs (to deal with personal tax and to cancel certain benefits and tax credits) and the Department for Work and Pensions (to cancel benefits and entitlements like universal credit or the state pension). The <a href="https://www.gov.uk/valuing-estate-of-someone-who-died?step-by-step-nav=4f1fe77d-f43b-4581-baf9-e2600e2a2b7a">government website</a> also provides help on how to value the person’s estate and work out inheritance tax. <h2>Avoiding family fall-outs</h2> But other financial aspects of death administration can be more challenging to navigate. Probate, for example, is the legal right to deal with someone’s property, money and possessions (their “estate”) when they die. You can <a href="https://www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate?step-by-step-nav=4f1fe77d-f43b-4581-baf9-e2600e2a2b7a">check</a> on the UK government website whether you require probate. It remains one of the most challenging aspects of death administration. Our <a href="https://thenbs.org/partnerships/death-admin-research-report">research</a> shows that people often seek legal advice to manage probate because they are scared to get things wrong, or because they want to avoid future disputes with family members. The process of closing bank accounts and managing assets can be straightforward when the deceased person had made clear arrangements and had few bank accounts. But financial concerns often arise in situations where there are multiple or complicated banking systems. As one of the participants in our research stated: “It’s been a real mess … my dad had quite a few properties, and it’s been quite difficult winding those down.” Worse still, bereaved people can face threatening letters from companies like utilities providers in relation to bills and closing accounts. We found organisations often lack compassion in this context. We encountered cases of companies continuing to write directly to the deceased person, causing further distress to their loved-ones. One of our participants told us that their stepmother was “still getting the bill with my father’s name on, which distresses her”. It is also worth noting that certain types of death present particular administrative and financial challenges. For example, in 2022 17% of deaths in England and Wales were subject to a <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/coroners-statistics-2022/coroners-statistics-2022-england-and-wales#inquests-opened">coroner’s inquest</a>. These deaths can be more difficult to administer on the Tell Us Once initiative due to the time-lag and extra bureaucracy involved. In addition, many people die without a will, which usually makes navigating financial issues much harder. The location of the death can also have financial implications. For example, our <a href="https://www.bereavementjournal.org/index.php/bcj/article/view/1114">research</a> shows how financing a care home stay is usually interconnected with inheritance or selling the person’s house, which places extra pressure on those trying to release the funds. Many organisations could make their administrative processes clearer and train their staff to be more compassionate towards people who have recently been bereaved. There are, however, glimmers of hope that things are improving. My own father died last year and while my experiences of helping my mum deal with the financial aspects of death administration have been mixed, we did experience many acts of kindness and compassion along the way. There is also excellent practical guidance out there from organisations like the <a href="https://thenbs.org/">National Bereavement Service</a>, which along with emotional support from charities like <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/">Cruse Bereavement Support</a> are vital to helping people navigate complex administrative systems. The COVID pandemic and death of the queen in 2022 have likely meant that, as a society, we are talking more about death and grief both publicly and privately. Death and bereavement happen to us all, and it is crucial that we talk more openly, not just about our emotional concerns, but about the practical and financial implications too.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/231967/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-reed-1548385">Kate Reed</a>, Professor of Sociology and Director of the Sheffield Methods Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sheffield-1147">University of Sheffield</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/sorting-a-loved-ones-finances-after-their-death-what-you-need-to-know-231967">original article</a>.

Money & Banking

"Rest in love": All Blacks legend and Dancing with the Stars winner dies at 55

The sports and entertainment communities are mourning the loss of former All Blacks hooker and Dancing with the Stars winner Norm Hewitt, who has passed away at the age of 55. Hewitt, a beloved figure both on and off the rugby field, succumbed to a lengthy battle with motor neurone disease, as confirmed by his family in a heartfelt statement. "Although rugby dominated his early life, he established a thriving human relations consultancy after retirement, and his services were much in demand both nationally and internationally," his family shared. "He walked confidently in both Māori and Pākehā worlds and was a particular role model for troubled youth, citing his own background, and offering inspirational teachings that one’s present life need not be one’s future." Hewitt leaves behind his wife Arlene and their two children, Elizabeth and Alexander. Born and raised in Pōrangahau, southern Hawke’s Bay, Hewitt's rugby career was nothing short of illustrious. Over 13 seasons, he played 296 representative matches for Hawke’s Bay, Southland and Wellington, earning 23 caps for the All Blacks. Hewitt was also a pivotal member of the Hurricanes during the formative years of Super Rugby, missing only one match in the first five years. The rugby community has been profoundly affected by Hewitt's passing. Former teammate Ofisa Tonu’u posted a touching tribute on Facebook: "I’m just devastated finding out the news today. I will never forget how you always stuck up for me during the Black Tracker days when no one else would, you always look after all the players and we always followed you into battle. No more pain, brother, you can now rest in Love. Fa’afetai tele lava my uso for having my back as I did yours. I know the other boys will be welcoming you with open arms at the gates. Rest in Love, Normy." Beyond his rugby career, Hewitt transitioned into a public speaker and mentor, focusing heavily on violence prevention programmes and advocacy. He worked with the SPCA as an animal cruelty and anti-violence publicity officer, visiting schools to spread his message. In 2005, Hewitt showcased his versatility by winning the first season of Dancing with the Stars alongside professional dancer Carol-Ann Hickmore. Hewitt's life was not without its struggles. In 1999, he made a public apology for a drunken incident in Queenstown, marking a turning point as he renounced alcohol and dedicated himself to helping others facing similar challenges. The outpouring of tributes was immediate, with The All Blacks expressing their sorrow: “We are saddened by the loss of All Black #938 Norm Hewitt who passed away yesterday in Wellington. Hewitt played 9 Tests and 14 Games between 1993 and 1998. Our thoughts are with Norm’s family and loved ones at this time.” Podcaster Martin Devlin shared his personal experience: “RIP Norm Hewitt. Not a lot of people know how kind & generous this man was. A truly wonderful person. Reached out to me and helped me considerably a long time ago when things were very rough. Love & respect.” Richard Hills echoed the sentiments of many: “This is bloody sad. A sad way to lose a kiwi icon so young. He had a really rough childhood and upbringing and faced it and turned his life around to become not only a rugby legend but also helped others who’d been through similar issues.” Norm Hewitt’s legacy will endure through the lives he touched and the positive change he inspired. His story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the profound impact one individual can have on the world. Image: Radio New Zealand

Caring

News

Shop

Catalogues

Travel

Health

Lifestyle

Finance

Entertainment

Property

Information

Keep up to date

Search

Readers response: Are there any celebrity biographies or memoirs you’ve read and loved?

Tourists explain why they love “overrated” capital cities

The cost of loving our pets – a guide for owners

"Overflowing with love": Fergie celebrates newest grandchild

Does ‘made with love’ sell? Research reveals who values handmade products the most

Readers response: What’s a travel memory that’s made you feel connected to past generations or history?

"You made me enjoy the game": Federer's emotional retirement letter to Nadal

Readers response: What’s the best book you’ve read recently, and what did you love about it?

How one elderly couple made their big move to Italy

Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

Readers response: What’s one small change you’ve made that’s had a big impact on your physical health?

Readers response: Are there any particular museums or historical sites that have made a lasting impression on you?

Arrests made after woman ends her life in "suicide pod"

Readers response: Do you find technology has made travel easier or more complicated?

Flight attendant shares travel tips for loved-up couples

Woman “bullied” on plane over budget seating trick

Olympics of love: 7 wedding proposals and counting!

Olympian proposes in the City of Love

Sorting a loved one’s finances after their death – what you need to know

"Rest in love": All Blacks legend and Dancing with the Stars winner dies at 55