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No more Mr Nice Guy: Tom Hanks blows up at movie critics

<p>Tom Hanks has taken aim at movie critics in a heated on Conan O'Brien's podcast, calling out the entire review section of the entertainment industry. </p> <p>The Hollywood actor launched into his tirade on the <em>Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend</em> podcast as he looked at how movie reviews and the general audience reception to films has changed over the years. </p> <p>“Now what happened is that time has become one of the metrics for how these things matter, right?” he said.</p> <p>“In the day it was just a fist fight. It was every movie you came out, are you going to make the playoffs or not? Guess what? No, kid, you’re 2 and 12 and you ain’t going nowhere. Or, you got a shot.”</p> <p>“It used to be you had these Rubicons that you crossed,” he continued. “First of all, do you love it or not? That’s the first thing. Yes, okay, you have crossed the Rubicon, right? The next Rubicon you cross is when the movie is completely done a year and a half later, and you see it for the first time, and you might like it. It doesn’t matter if it works or not, you look at it and say, ‘Hey, I think we acquitted ourselves pretty good.’ That’s Rubicon No. 2.”</p> <p>Hanks went on, “Then the critics weigh in, that’s Rubicon No. 3, and that’s always up down. ‘We hate it, we like it. This is the worst thing … Oh hey, oh hi Tom, I saw you in a movie. It was cute.’”</p> <p>“That’s when you ask the wife, ‘Hey, honey, could you take the revolver out of the glove box and hide it somewhere, because I think…,” Hanks joked.</p> <p>Podcast host O'Brien then brought up that Hanks was initially “disappointed” with his 1996 film <em>That Thing You Do!</em>, which marked his directorial debut, but the movie has since become a cult classic in pop culture.</p> <p>“Let me tell you something about these c***suckers who write about movies,” Hanks responded, before asking O’Brien and his co-hosts, “Can I say that?”</p> <p>“Somebody who wrote about it is, ‘Tom Hanks has to stop hanging around with veterans of TV, because this is just like the shot on TV and it’s not much of anything,’” Hanks recalled. “That same person then wrote about the cult classic <em>That Thing You Do!</em> Same exact person. They said, ‘All you need is 20 years between now and then, and it ends up speaking some words.’”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Movies

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“You have been warned nicely before”: Neighbours threaten to poison dogs

<p dir="ltr">A Queensland family has been left devastated after a neighbour left an anonymous letter with poisonous treats threatening their dogs if they don’t stop barking. </p> <p dir="ltr">Anthony and Jessica Tuite did not think having pets in their suburban home in Graceville would be an issue until they received a letter. </p> <p dir="ltr">The letter explained to the couple that they have been told “many times” to control their black great dane called Barney and a brown great dane cross ridgeback named Donnie.  </p> <p dir="ltr">“If the barking of your dogs does not stop, the chocolate in this envelope will be thrown over your fence in greater amounts ... which will kill them,” it read.</p> <p dir="ltr">“You have been warned nicely many times by people ... but you do nothing.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The letter contained pieces of chocolate which is known to be poisonous and potentially lethal to dogs if consumed. </p> <p dir="ltr">Jessica said she was shocked at the letter and begged that no one hurt her pet dogs. </p> <p dir="ltr">“These dogs are our family .... please, please don’t hurt my dogs,” she told 7News.</p> <p dir="ltr">“They only bark when someone comes into their yard but that’s their job.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Other neighbours rallied with the family saying it is disgusting to leave a threat when they could be working as a community toward a solution. </p> <p dir="ltr">“You just don’t make those threats,” neighbour Phill Keleman said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“You just kind of say ‘Hey listen, how do we work together to make it better?’”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: 7News</em></p>

Family & Pets

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A clever trick to make your rubbish smell nice (and 11 other handy home hints)

<p>You’ll wonder how you ever got along without knowing these sneaky home cleaning tricks.</p> <p>1. Throw lemon, lime or orange peels into your garbage disposal to clean the drain and give your kitchen a lovely fresh scent.</p> <p>2. Clean your silver quickly by lining your sink with foil, and then add half a cup salt and half a cup baking soda. Fill the sink with hot water and place your silverware inside for 30 minutes. The tarnish will transfer to the foil saving you loads of time as you won’t need to clean each piece separately.</p> <p>3. Use an old dryer sheet to polish and metal in your car. It will give much better shine than a regular cloth.</p> <p>4. To clean your cutting board, slice a lemon in half and rub it all over a plastic or wooden board. Leave to work its magic for 20 minutes before washing it.</p> <p>5. Clean the ceiling fan by sliding a pillowcase over each blade, then pull it off gently to collect the dust.</p> <p>6. If you have a grease stain on clothing, rub some chalk over it before washing to help get rid of the marks. </p> <p>7. Keep the tops of cupboards cleaner by lining with plain paper or newspaper. Simply replace every couple of months. </p> <p>8. Make your loo smell great by popping a few drops of your favourite essential oil in the middle of the roll. Lavender or rose are great options.</p> <p>9. Make your own fabric freshener in a spray bottle by combining one-eight of a cup of fabric softener, two tablespoons of baking soda, and topping it up with hot tap water. Shake well and use to freshen up clothing or upholstery. </p> <p>10. Clean vomit off a rug or carpet by baking a paste of baking soda and water. Clear up as much of the mess as you can and then smear the stain with the paste. Leave it to dry overnight until it becomes powdery and then just vacuum up.</p> <p>11. Clean your sandwich press or bench top grill by placing a doubled up sheet of damp paper towel in the press after you have used it and switched it off. The heat will cause the towel to steam and clean the press. Then just wipe it clean with another piece of paper towel. </p> <p>12. Clean up stained plastic containers by filling them two-thirds full with water and a tablespoon of washing up liquid. Add a quarter cup of bleach and microwave for 40 seconds, or until the solution is boiling. Leave to cool until the water is lukewarm and then wash your container as normal. </p>

Home Hints & Tips

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France under siege after beheading in church

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> <p><strong>WARNING: GRAPHIC STORY CONTENT</strong></p> <p>France was hit by two suspected terror attacks which have left three dead, including a woman who was beheaded by a knifeman allegedly shouting "Allahu Akbar".</p> <p>Two separate assailants are understood to have launched attacks in Nice and Avignon in the south of the country just hours apart.</p> <p>The woman, who was one of three killed, passed away shortly after 9 am local time.</p> <p><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.news.com.au/world/europe/nice-suspected-mass-stabber-kept-shouting-allahu-akbar-after-arrested-in-france/news-story/3640cb6f1a6d98047190a8656061ca94" target="_blank" class="editor-rtflink">Her last words</a>, according to a member of the French Senate, were: “Tell my children that I love them.”</p> <p>Police have identified the suspect in Nice as Brahim Aouissaoui, who is believed to have arrived in Europe only recently after being born in Tunisia.</p> <p>Almost at the same time, a security guard at the French Consulate in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia was stabbed and left with minor injuries.</p> <p>In Avignon, 250kms away from Nice, a man shouted "Allahu Akbar" while brandishing a knife, but was shot dead. No one else has been reported injured.</p> <p>It's currently unclear if the attacks are related, but local politicians are drawing links, with French Republican Eric Ciotti tweeting "Attack in Nice, attack in Avignon, attack on the French consulate in Saudi Arabia. It is not a coincidence, the Islamists want to annihilate us! We must destroy the Islamists!".</p> <p>French President Emmanuel Macron has visited the site of the attack as France raised its attack level to “urgent” and Prime Minister Jean Castex said the government’s response will be “relentless and immediate”.</p> <p>Nice mayor Christian Estrosi said: “The attacker kept shouting ‘Allahu Akbar’ even after he had been shot and as he was given medical care.</p> <p>“Enough is enough. The suspected knife attacker was shot by police while being detained, he is on his way to hospital, he is alive.</p> <p>“I must say that Nice, like France, but perhaps more than other places in the country today, is paying too heavy a price by being once again the victim of islamofascism.”</p> <p>There have been heightened security fears in France over cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed published by <em>Charlie Hedbo</em>, with a teacher in France being beheaded after he showed his pupils the cartoons as part of a class on free speech.</p> <p>In response to the beheading, French president Emmanuel Macron delivered a speech in defence of free speech and the offending cartoons were projected onto government buildings in France.</p> </div> </div> </div>

News

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“It’s very nice to be back”: Meghan Markle makes first public appearance in UK

<p>The Sussexes braved the rain as they made their first joint public appearance together in the UK after announcing they were stepping down from being senior working royals.</p> <p>The pair attended the annual Endeavour Fund Awards at London’s Mansion House, of which Harry is a patron.</p> <p>The Duke wore a dark blue suit, white shirt and a blue tie whereas the Duchess wore a turquoise Victoria Beckham pencil midi dress.</p> <p>A crowd of about 50 eagerly braved the rain to catch a glimpse of the couple, where Meghan said it was "very nice to be back" in the UK.</p> <p>The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were there to honour the achievements of wounded, injured and sick servicemen and women who have taken part in sporting and adventure challenges over the last year.</p> <p>Duchess Meghan presented the Celebrating Excellence Award and Duke Harry presented the Henry Worsley Award.</p> <p>Harry has been made to give up his official patronages after deciding to step down as a working royal, but is able to retain his private links to organisations, including the Endeavour Fund.</p> <p>At a reception, Harry and Meghan chatted to Claire Spencer, 52, whose husband Lee ‘Frank’ Spencer was nominated for an award.</p> <p>When asked what she thought about their decision to step back, she explained to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8079797/Prince-Harry-Meghan-Markle-arrive-joint-engagement-Megxit.html" target="_blank"><em>The Daily Mail</em></a>:</p> <p>“I think he does an amazing job, as does she, and we should just let them lives the life they want to live. I know what a difference Endeavour has made to my husband's life since he lost a leg and I hold Harry personally responsible for that. Life is too short.”</p> <p>Harry was thrilled to be attending the event and made his thoughts known to a nominee before posing with them for a picture alongside Meghan.</p> <p>“We create this opportunity for you guys. You are the ones that pick it up. Respect,” Harry said.</p> <p>The event is just one of many engagements that the couple are undertaking this weekend before returning to Canada ahead of their official departure on March 31.</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery to see how the Duke and Duchess of Sussex looked on the night.</p>

News

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Royal hideaway! See Inside Elton John’s French home

<p>When the Duke and Duchess of Sussex faced a wave of criticism and backlash from the media and public - a long-time friend of Prince Harry’s mother, Elton John, decided to step in. </p> <p>The musician who once said the late Princess Di could wal into a room and make everything “great,” has come to the defense of the royal’s youngest son and wife for taking a private jet to France for a secret getaway with their newborn son, Archie. </p> <p>world-famous celebrity revealed he footed the bill for the private jet - which is reportedly carbon-neutral - and that the family were visiting him at his estate in Nice. </p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7829885/harry-meghan.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/75c49c1403d44c4fbb27e56f5bcf4b0c" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Elton John greeting Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry at the London premier of The </em><em>Lion King on July 14, 2019.</em></p> <p>"After a hectic year continuing their hard work and dedication to charity, David and I wanted the young family to have a private holiday inside the safety and tranquility of our home," John explained in a Twitter thread.</p> <p>The vacation, we are sure, was stuff made of dreams based on the mesmerizing photos of Elton’s stunning French property. </p> <p>The home was built in the 1920’s as an artist’s colony, according to<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://people.com/home/all-about-elton-johns-home-in-france-where-meghan-markle-and-prince-harry-recently-vacationed/" target="_blank">People<span> </span></a>magazine, however it was refurbished to suit the singer’s personality. </p> <p>The sprawling property, said John to<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/elton-john-homes-old-windsor-london-atlanta-nice-france-article" target="_blank">Architectural Digest</a><span> </span>in 2000, was what “heaven must be like this.”</p> <p>"If Gabriel popped out from behind a tree and said hi, I wouldn’t be surprised. The gates close behind me, and I leave the rest of the world behind."</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery above to see Elton John’s gorgeous French property - where Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan vacationed. </p>

Home & Garden

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7 celebrities who went out of their way to be nice to fans

<p>Celebrities tend to make the news for negative reasons, but these stories prove that there is still those in Hollywood who are going out of their way to be nice to others.</p> <p>Here are seven celebrities who touched fans when they met them. </p> <p><strong>1. Carrie Fisher</strong></p> <p>“Carrie Fisher followed me on my old twitter before and out of nowhere I dm’d her because I was having a breakdown and two days later she responded in the middle of the night with an advice I’ll forever hold in my heart.” –@umathurmcns</p> <p><strong>2. Robin Williams</strong></p> <p>“Robin Williams was the nicest, most compassionate celebrity I ever had the pleasure of knowing in person. Personally saw him threaten to beat the hell out of some rando harassing a homeless person in the ocean district six or so years ago.” - @caylenb</p> <p><strong>3. Tom Hanks</strong></p> <p>“I once served Tom Hanks at my old job. Once I was off I was leaving and he was too. I asked if it would be okay for us to take a picture together. He smiled and said “walk with me”. So I did and we talked, he gave me some life advice, then we took a few pictures together. Super nice.” - @NerdGerm</p> <p><strong>4. Stanley Tucci</strong></p> <p>“Stanley Tucci puts on a big fake moustache and cooks for the homeless.” - @jawlessMonk</p> <p><strong>5. Hugh Jackman</strong>  </p> <p>“When I went to the set of <em>X-Men: Days of Future Past Hugh</em> Jackman had paid for additional catering out of his own pocket for the cast and crew because he found a restaurant in Montreal that made Australian food how he liked.” - @TheSpencerPerry</p> <p><strong>6. Julie Andrews</strong></p> <p>“I met Julie Andrews during a book signing but she let me hold her hands, which she needed to sign the book, and listened to me tell her how much she meant to a lonely 7-year-old.” - @mcgarrygirl78</p> <p><strong>7. David Tennant</strong></p> <p>“David Tennant not only graciously accepted an academic paper from a random fan in the Richard II stage door line but actually read it and sent me an appreciative note about it.” - @angevin2</p> <p>Have you ever had a positive encounter with a celebrity? Tell us about it in the comments below. </p>

Movies

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Nice gestures that actually annoy people

<p>Being polite is great, but apparently some people can be a little too nice. A thread on a popular forum Reddit has put together a collection of “nice” gestures that actually annoy people. You’ll be surprised how these gestures are interpreted:</p> <p>1. “Giving me the right of way when driving if they actually have the right of way.”</p> <p><em>- OzTheMalefic</em></p> <p>2. “Seeing me eating alone and insisting that I need company. No, I don’t need company; not everyone needs company at a meal. Leave me alone.”</p> <p><em>- Ms_DragonCat</em></p> <p>3. “When the worker at Subway spends five minutes making my sandwich and then thanks me. Always makes me feel bad.”</p> <p><em>- RekNepZ</em></p> <p>4. “Holding the door for someone who is not within 3-4 steps of the same door. I feel obligated to rush since they are holding it. Please stop doing this.”</p> <p><em>- SeeDeeLow69</em></p> <p>5. “Please don’t offer me condolences because I have a disability. Though I often get frustrated by it, i’m not sad about it and you don’t have to be either.”</p> <p><em>- blindjo</em></p> <p>6. “Slow down or stop for me to cross the street when I would rather they went ahead. Not nice to have someone waiting on you, and the car goes a heck-of-a-lot faster!”</p> <p><em>- CrabWoodsman</em></p> <p>7. “I hate it when store employees ask a million times if they can help me find anything. Just let me shop in peace!”</p> <p><em>- tjenks13</em></p> <p>8. “Someone 20 years younger than me calling me sweetheart or honey. They mean well, but it’s very condescending.”</p> <p><em>- kmodisette</em></p> <p>Have you ever faced any of these gestures?</p>

Relationships

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Banana nice cream

<p>A scoop of ice cream is often a guilty pleasure so we’ve found the perfect alternative. Banana nice-cream is high in fibre and all the other nutrients like potassium and folate, making this a healthy and delicious dessert.</p> <p><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Ingredients:</span></strong></p> <ul> <li>6 bananas, sliced</li> <li>2-3 tablespoons honey</li> </ul> <p><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Method:</span></strong></p> <ol> <li>Slice the bananas and freeze overnight or until firm.</li> <li>Place the bananas into a food processor and blend, scraping down several times until the bananas have turned into a creamy puree.</li> <li>Add two tablespoons of honey and mix until combined.</li> <li>Serve straight away for a creamy, delicious ice cream or refreeze for later.</li> </ol> <p>The ice cream will be a little icy if eaten later.</p> <p>Have you ever tried an ice cream variation like this? What’s your favourite type of ice cream? Let us know in the comments, we’d love to hear from you.</p> <p><em>Recipe courtesy of <a href="https://australianbananas.com.au/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Australian Bananas</span></strong></a>. You can find them on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AustralianBananas/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Facebook</span></strong></a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/australianbananas/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Instagram</span></strong></a>.</em></p> <p><em><strong>Have you ordered your copy of the Over60 cookbook, </strong></em><strong>The Way Mum Made It</strong><em><strong>, yet? Featuring 178 delicious tried-and-true recipes from you, the Over60 community, and your favourites that have appeared on the Over60 website, <a href="https://shop.abc.net.au/products/way-mum-made-it-pbk" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">head to the abcshop.com.au to order your copy now</span></a>.</strong></em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/food-wine/2016/08/candied-bacon-ice-cream/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Candied bacon ice cream</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/food-wine/2016/07/pear-and-chocolate-crumble/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Pear and chocolate crumble</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/food-wine/2016/03/chocolate-soy-ice-cream/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Chocolate Soy Ice Cream</strong></em></span></a></p>

Food & Wine

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The real reason why “nice guys finish last”

<p><strong><em><a href="http://www.johnaiken.com.au" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">John Aiken</span></a>, is an RSVP dating and relationship expert, as seen on Channel nine’s series </em>Married At First Sight<em> and the ABC documentary </em>Making Couples Happy<em>. He is also the author of the book </em>Making Couples Happy: How science can help get relationships back on track<em>.</em></strong></p> <p>It might seem like a good idea to be overly nice to a new love interest when you first start dating. To always put them first and constantly be ready to change your plans to keep them happy. Surely, if you do this, then they'll ultimately want to spend more and more time with you?  </p> <p>Unfortunately, it doesn't tend to work out this way. Nice girls and guys typically come last in the dating game.</p> <p> If you're “too nice” then you'll tend to do the following behaviours:</p> <ul> <li>Say “yes” too often</li> <li>Try to please all the time</li> <li>Change your plans to fit in with a love interest</li> <li>Let them lead and make decisions</li> <li>Avoid expressing opinions</li> <li>Over-apologise</li> <li>Avoid conflict</li> <li>Have sex too quickly</li> <li>Ring/text/Facebook too often</li> <li>Let go of your friends, interests and hobbies for them</li> <li>Do all the chasing</li> <li>You try to spend all your time with them</li> </ul> <p>The reason why you'll do these types of behaviours, is to make your new love interest feel special. To put them first and show them that you're keen and want them to be in your life moving forward.</p> <p>You interact in this way believing that the more you're nice too them and put them first - the more they're going to appreciate you and love you back.</p> <p>However, this is where it goes wrong. Your new love interest wants an equal. A person who will challenge them, take the lead, have their own life going on, sees their own set of friends, and is happy to say 'no' and to have their own voice.<br />  <br /> Relationships work when the power is shared, roles are balanced and there are equal amounts of respect. </p> <p>Unfortunately, when you please too much and you're too nice to a new love interest, they'll tend to start to take you for granted. They'll begin to see you as being desperate and clingy, needy and insecure. As you give your power away, your new partner will ultimately begin to lose respect for you and want to be with a stronger person.  When this happens - it's all over. </p> <p> So if you're someone who tends to be “too nice” when you're out meeting new singles then it's time for a change.  By all means be respectful and polite.  Show that you're interested and treat other singles with care.  But don't give your power away. </p> <p>Be strong, have your own voice, make your own decisions, stick to your plans, keep prioritising friends and hobbies, hold off on having sex too quickly, let them chase you and be prepared to say 'no'. If you're scared to do this, just remember - the other way doesn't work. Singles ultimately want to fall in love with an equal who they respect and can challenge them.</p> <p>So it's time to step up and show them this side of you.  </p> <p>Does this information make you want to be “less nice” in your relationships, or do you believe in being true to yourself rather than playing “the game”? Let us know what you think in the comments below.</p> <p><em>Written by John Aiken. First appeared on <a href="http://www.datehub.com.au/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">datehub.com.au.</span></strong></a></em></p> <p><strong><em>Looking for love – or perhaps you just want to meet some new people? <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/300422191;127409031;k" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Why not sign up at RSVP today by clicking here… You never know who is just around the corner.</span></a></em></strong></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/07/how-to-get-back-into-the-dating-game/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">How to get back into the dating game</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/08/choices-that-will-lead-to-your-best-love-life-ever/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">10 choices that will lead to your best love life ever</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/crucial-quality-in-a-life-partner-you-might-be-forgetting-about/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The crucial quality to look for in a life partner</span></em></strong></a></p>

Relationships

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How to stop being so nice and set boundaries

<p>Do you ever feel like you do so much for others and it just goes unnoticed? Do you give people your help and advice, even though it eats into your own time? You might be an “over-giver”, which is a common issue (especially for women). The good news it can be turned around.</p> <p>Everyone needs to be able to say “no” to people at times, without feeling guilty about it. It is not up to you to stop other people from feeling upset or disappointed because you couldn’t do what they wanted you to do.</p> <p>Instead, follow our tips below so that you can learn how to put yourself first and not be a doormat for others.</p> <p><strong>Watch out for people that take too much from you</strong></p> <p>These people want to get the most benefit for themselves without offering much back. These are the first people you need to identify. From there you can notice their behaviour and respond appropriately – for instance, “No you can make your own lunch today son, you are 27 years old”. These people have come to depend on you because you never let them hear the word “no” – this is about to change.</p> <p><strong>Remember that you need to give to yourself too</strong></p> <p>For some people, they feel good about themselves by being helpful to friends or indispensible at work. But other people can take advantage and you might just end up doing everything for everyone. It’s important to look after yourself too. We all need time to recharge, relax and take care of our own needs. So don’t feel guilty about not cancelling your hair appointment when you’re asked to babysit for the grandkids. You’ve earned it.</p> <p><strong>Keep your eyes out for red flags</strong></p> <p>Sometimes we do want to do a favour for a friend, because we really care about them and we know they would do the same for us. But you’ll know the difference between these and other friends – because when you say, “Sorry I can’t help you out” to a true friend they will not pester you about it or make you feel guilty. A true friend likes you for yourself and not for what you can offer them.</p> <p><strong>Voice your concerns loudly and clearly</strong></p> <p>Often those close to you will be the worst time-zappers, because you have always been there for them and they don’t know that you don’t want to be. If you’ve never spoken about your boundaries with your close friends and family, now is the time. For instance you might say to a friend that they can call you anytime, but that you normally go to bed at 10pm just so that they know not to call you later than that unless it’s an emergency. Or you could say to your children that you are happy to babysit, but not on Fridays when you have your art class (and also that you expect the kids to be picked up on time).</p> <p><strong>Start off with a gentle refusal</strong></p> <p>If the idea of saying “no” has you feeling a little nervous, why not try a gentler approach at first. For instance you could say “Sure I will help you move house, but I can only give you two hours as I have plans later that day”. This way you are still helping (if you want to) but you are setting clear boundaries. </p> <p>Have you had to cut people out of your life that were over-takers? We would love to hear your story in the comments.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/08/key-flirting-tips/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>10 key flirting tips</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/08/6-important-reasons-why-we-need-good-friends/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">6 important reasons why we need good friends</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/07/tips-to-feel-connected-to-others/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em>9 tips to help you feel connected to others</em></strong></span></a></p>

Relationships

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Revealed: why you should always dress nicely for a flight

<p>I think we can all agree, flights aren’t the most comfortable, pleasant experiences in the world. And while it’s tempting to don the trackies and jandals in preparation for a long-haul trip, there’s a very convincing reason why you shouldn’t.</p> <p>Travel writer Sophie-Claire Hoeller <a href="http://uk.businessinsider.com/why-you-should-always-dress-up-on-a-plane-2016-7?r=US&amp;IR=T" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">recounts</span></strong></a> a flight she took on which a flight attendant complimented her outfit, thanking her for dressing up. “It means a lot to us flight attendants, and no one does that anymore,” she said.</p> <p>And when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. You wouldn’t turn up to anyone else’s place of work dressed like you’re having a lazy day at home, would you?</p> <p>Plus, if you need a bit of extra incentive to glam up for your next holiday, how’s this – people who are dressed nicely are much more likely to receive a free upgrade, according to an insider. “Yes, the better dressed you are, the more likely you are to nab that seat,” a gate agent <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/george-hobica/ask-an-airline-gate-agent_b_1034199.html" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">told</span></strong></a> George Hobic of AirFareWatchdog. “I am not going to put someone wearing flip flops up front with our best customers.”</p> <p>So there you have it! If you want an upgrade on your next big trip, put some effort into your appearance and you could be up there with the bigwigs.</p> <p>Have you ever received a free upgrade on a flight before? Were you dressed nicely? Tell us about it in the comment section below.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/travel/international/2016/07/how-different-countries-value-punctuality/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>How different countries value punctuality</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/travel/international/2016/07/my-hitch-future-of-hands-free-luggage/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Is this wacky accessory the future of hands-free luggage?</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/travel/international/2016/07/10-pictures-from-secret-english-villages/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">10 pictures from secret English villages</span></em></strong></a></p>

International Travel

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The health benefits of being nice

<p>Want to live a happier and more fulfilled life? Be nice. That’s the advice that’s being handed out based on a recent research study.</p> <p>So how can you get more niceties into your everyday life? Try some of our tips below.</p> <p><strong>Volunteer your time</strong></p> <p>Give up some time for charity and you will not only be helping a worthwhile cause, you’ll also be benefiting yourself. Whether it’s working at a charity shop, delivering food for Meals on Wheels or spending time working with your local church, there are so many ways to find a charity that needs helpers. Just think about a cause that you are interested in and see what comes up from there.</p> <p><strong>Be kind to strangers</strong></p> <p>Doing random acts of kindness can make you happier. Buy a homeless person a sandwich, pop a few coins in a parking metre for someone, or buy the Big Issue. Being kind causes your body to release oxytocin, which can lower your blood pressure. </p> <p><strong>Treat a friend, not yourself</strong></p> <p>They say it is better to give than receive, and this is definitely true if you want to be happier. So instead of buying yourself some new shoes (that, let’s face it, you could live without) why not take a neighbour out for lunch, or shout your friend their movie ticket. It’s also been found that the positive feedback loop from this experience makes it more likely that you will repeat it again in the future.</p> <p><strong>Take a step back at work</strong></p> <p>So often we’re focused on moving up the ladder, when there’s a lot of research that says we might be much happier to stay just where we are. Those at the top of the pecking order tend to experience a lot more stress than those underneath. So why not just enjoy where you are without constantly trying to earn more, do more, or be more.</p> <p><strong>Teach kids to be kind</strong></p> <p>It’s not too early for young people to be displaying acts of kindness to others. Teach them how good it feels to share your cake with a friend, or give them some advice on why they should listen to their mother when she asks them to stop picking on their sibling. If learned from a young age, children will grow up being kinder and nicer, which is always a positive.</p> <p>Have you been on the receiving end of a random act of kindness? How did it make you feel? We would love to hear your story in the comments below.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/health/mind/2016/06/overcoming-pain-using-the-power-of-the-mind/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Overcoming pain using the power of the mind</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/health/mind/2016/06/trick-to-make-you-a-morning-person/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The 4 tricks guaranteed to make you a morning person</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/health/mind/2016/06/extraordinarily-simple-ways-to-be-happy/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>5 extraordinarily simple ways to be happy</strong></em></span></a></p>

Mind

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Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

<p>Humans appear to have a strong and innate sense of fairness. When somebody cheats other people, breaks the rules or otherwise behaves badly, we instinctively tend to try to avoid dealing with them, psychological research suggests. This tendency is probably an evolutionary adaptation that has allowed cooperative humans to thrive, and it may be a big factor in our incredible success as a species.</p> <p>What's fascinating is that this aversion to dealing with people who are unfair, bad or immoral appears present in very young children, too – even babies. Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers – for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.</p> <p>But just how strong is this moral aversion, and can it be overcome? In a study recently published in the journal Cognition, researchers set out to answer that question – basically, by bribing babies. The experiment was based on previous research suggesting that one can detect babies' and young children's preferences for people by looking at from whom they choose to accept food or toys. The study looked at whether infants and children could be tempted into dealing with unsavoury people, and just how much it would cost.</p> <p>In the first experiment, the researchers asked 160 kids between 5 and 8 years old to choose whether they wanted to accept stickers from one of two fictitious characters, one of whom would give them one sticker, and the other of whom would give them two, four, eight or 16 stickers instead. Like the rational little animals they are, the children in the study reliably chose the larger offering instead of the smaller one.</p> <p>But then the tests were repeated with an additional twist. The children were told that the character offering them one sticker was nice, whereas the character offering them more stickers was mean and had hit somebody on the playground. Here, in the groups offered two, four or eight stickers, 16 of the 20 children chose to accept the one sticker from the do-gooder instead. Only four of the kids were persuaded to deal with the meanie by the prospect of a larger haul.</p> <p>But there was one group that responded slightly differently: the children who were offered 16 stickers from the bad character, rather than one sticker from the good guy. In this case, the discrepancy was so large that the children tended to choose the larger number.</p> <p>The findings suggest that, when the winnings are modest, children will avoid doing business with a wrongdoer, the researchers say. "However, when the stakes are high, children show more willingness to deal with the devil."</p> <p>Don't we all.</p> <p>The researchers say it's possible that the kids generally chose the good guy because of their desire to please the experimenter. They could have been more concerned with showing the adult in the situation they know the difference between right or wrong than actually making the moral choice.</p> <p>In order to address this issue, the experimenters performed another, similar experiment with a younger group of subjects: babies. From developmental research, we know that children begin to truly understand and be concerned about what other people think about them between 3 and 5 years old. Below those ages, they are too young developmentally to engage in what the researchers call reputational consideration or management.</p> <p>So in another experiment, the researchers asked 80 infants, all of whom were about 1 year old, to participate in another test. (As is the case with tiny people, 16 of those infants were excluded from the final sample because of being fussy or failing to make a choice.)</p> <p>The experiments used a tiny stage, complete with tiny curtain, and two rabbit puppets. One puppet offered the baby a plate with one cracker on it, while the other puppet offered either two or eight crackers. As for the older kids, the babies reliably choose the plate with more crackers.</p> <p>But then the experimenters started a little morality play. The babies looked on as a lamb puppet on the stage tried and failed to open a clear box to get a toy. Then, one of the rabbit puppets would either help the lamb open the box and get the toy, or slam the box shut, after which the lamb puppet would dive face down next to the closed box in despair. Then, infants were offered the crackers again.</p> <p>When choosing between one cracker from a good puppet or two crackers from a bad puppet, the infants robustly went with the do-gooder, the researchers say. But again, the results were somewhat different when the bad puppet offered a much bigger reward. When the bad puppet offered eight crackers, infants tended to choose the larger number.</p> <p>It's not clear why kids are more willing to interact with wrongdoers who offer more – whether their self-interest in getting more graham crackers just trumps their moral considerations, or whether they view the crackers as a kind of apology or retribution.</p> <p>But the general results suggest that people are willing to pay personal costs – up to a point – to avoid dealing with immoral or deviant people, the researchers say, and that this behaviour begins very young.</p> <p>Tell us: Have you found your grandbabies know right from wrong? Share your experiences with us in the comments below. </p> <p><em>Written by Ana Swanson. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz.</span></strong></a></em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/05/tips-to-help-shy-grandchildren-to-become-more-confident/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">5 ways to help shy grandchildren to become more confident</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/05/science-backed-ways-to-get-children-to-love-fruit-and-veg/"><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">9 science-backed ways to get children to love fruit and veg</span></strong></em></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/05/best-childrens-books-to-read-to-grandkids/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The best children’s books to buy for your grandkids</span></em></strong></a></p>

Family & Pets

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4 reasons why nice people say hurtful things

<p>It would be the rare person who hasn’t put their foot firmly in their mouth over the years. Whether it was a throw away line about a persons weight or appearance or an unthinking remark about a situation or scenario, we all inadvertently have the capacity to be insensitive.</p> <p>The most common insensitive remarks can usually be linked to our desire to saying “something” when in a difficult situation. Our own discomfort often makes us blurt out the worst possible lines, for example saying to someone after the loss of a loved one “it’s all going to be ok.” It’s a seemingly innocuous comment but one that shows a lack of empathy and our desire to reassure and “fix” things as opposed to being there for the person and their own experience.</p> <p>Here are four other possible reasons why “nice” people sometimes say the wrong thing:</p> <ol> <li><strong>They struggle to empathise and understand</strong> – If you’ve never experience anything similar to what your friend or acquaintance is experiencing then it can be very difficult to put yourself in their shoes.</li> <li><strong>They’ve been there but have moved beyond it</strong> – Shared experience can facilitate empathy but sometimes it can have the opposite effect. If you’ve moved on from or beaten something like cancer or a mental health issue you may inadvertently be quite harsh when speaking with those who are still battling the same issue.</li> <li><strong>They don’t want to imagine being there</strong> – Empathy can be painful and uncomfortable which can make it very unappealing for some people. Feeling overwhelmed with your own sadness can reduce compassion as you try and manage your own emotions and seemingly forget about the other person.</li> <li><strong>They want to make the problem go away</strong> – Some problems unfortunately do not have simple solutions. It is human nature to want to fix things or problem solve but sometimes it’s just not possible and being an open ear to listen and nurture is far more appreciated.</li> </ol> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/04/4-ways-to-deal-with-awful-people/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>4 ways to deal with awful people</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/04/how-to-say-no-nicely/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>How to say no the nice way</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/toxic-relationship-habits-that-are-healthy/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>3 “bad” relationship traits that are actually healthy</strong></em></span></a></p>

Relationships

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How to say no the nice way

<p>We spend a lot of time in our lives saying “yes”. Whether it’s “yes” to a social event, to babysitting grandchildren or trying something new, opening your life up often comes with great rewards. Saying “yes” can make us undeniably happy. Paradoxically, it can also make us miserable. It is very easy to assume what experts sometimes call a “yes mindset”. Agreeing to do something becomes our default answer. Can you volunteer for XYZ next Tuesday? Well you usually have book club and coffee afterwards with a dear friend you only see monthly, something you look forward to but you feel you probably should agree to volunteering so you say yes, and rather than feeling good about it, you feel miserable and not a little bit antagonistic. Saying yes to things that don’t necessarily make us happy or serve us in some way can end up being a severe drain on our time and energy.</p> <p>Of course there are some instances when it’s necessary to say yes, even when you’d rather be doing something else but sometimes it’s ok to say no. Here are three tips for accurately assessing whether saying yes is for the best.</p> <ol> <li>Before accepting an invitation have a think about whether you actually want to go to the occasion. Of course it’s lovely to be asked but if the thought of actually going fills you with dread, it’s ok to decline! A polite “Thank you but I can’t make it” is absolutely fine.</li> <li>When you need to make a decision, take a moment and just breathe. Think about what makes most sense in the moment. We all have 24 hours in a day think about how you can best use them.</li> <li>Enjoy your down time and don’t feel as if you have to fill it by saying yes or by justifying it. It’s ok to say no to plans even if you don’t have anything else specific to do. Time is precious so you need to make the most of it!</li> </ol> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/toxic-relationship-habits-that-are-healthy/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>3 “bad” relationship traits that are actually healthy</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/friendships-reduce-dementia/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>How friendships reduce dementia</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/03/two-things-people-judge-you-on-when-first-meet/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>The two things people judge you on when they meet you</strong></em></span></a></p>

Relationships