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Woman “bullied” on plane over budget seating trick

<p dir="ltr">A young woman has recalled a flight from hell when she was “bullied” by a couple who were trying to utilise a seating hack that went viral on TikTok. </p> <p dir="ltr">The solo traveller took to Reddit to recount the story and ask social media users if she was in the wrong for her action. </p> <p dir="ltr">The woman began by saying she usually pays more to select her plane seat ahead of time, but a medical emergency on another plane had her waiting on standby and left with no option other than to sit in a middle seat.</p> <p dir="ltr">When she was finally able to board, she was greeted by a couple who had purchased both the window and aisle seats in a bid to have more space, utilising a travel “trick” that has been popular on TikTok.</p> <p dir="ltr">The method, which has been dubbed the 'poor man's business class', usually leaves travellers with an empty middle seat and more space, and few travellers opt to pick a middle seat. </p> <p dir="ltr">“When I got to my row the man and woman were chatting and sharing a snack... it was obvious they were together. I mentioned to the man that I'm in the middle, and he got up to let me in,” the unsuspecting traveller wrote on Reddit.  </p> <p dir="ltr">“I asked them if they would prefer to sit together, I said I was totally okay with that. The woman reacted rudely to this and said ‘you're not supposed to be sitting here anyway’.”</p> <p dir="ltr">After noticing how the plane was full, she offered to show the pair her new ticket with the correct seat number on it.</p> <p dir="ltr">“She flicked her hand at my ticket and made a disgusted sound. I offered again if they wanted to sit together to which she didn't reply, her partner said it's okay and... made some small talk,” she continued. </p> <p dir="ltr">The man’s girlfriend then interrupted their conversation to ask,”'Did you use one of those third party websites to book your flight? It's so frustrating when people cheap out to inconvenience others.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The American woman explained that she had booked her flight directly and she had been placed on standby like everyone else and didn't choose the middle seat - she was assigned it.</p> <p dir="ltr">She then tried to keep the peace by refusing to engage with the furious woman.  </p> <p dir="ltr">“I was so done with her attitude, I put my headphones on and attempted to do my own thing,” she explained.</p> <p dir="ltr">But the “entitled” girlfriend wasn't letting it go, as the woman explained, “This woman kept reaching over me and tapping her partner and trying to talk to him in a way that was super intrusive.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I could tell even her partner was trying to engage her less so that she would hopefully stop, but she didn't.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I think they tried to pull that tactic where they don't sit together on purpose...hoping no one will sit between them. But on full flights it doesn't work. And even so - it's not the other person's fault.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The traveller's post was met with hundreds of comments slamming the girlfriend’s behaviour, as one person wrote, “It's like a toddler having a tantrum.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“She was disappointed and a total a**hole. Gross entitled people,” another added. </p> <p dir="ltr">Another person applauded the traveller’s level-headed behaviour, writing, “Wow! You are my hero for keeping it classy - I’m afraid I would not have been as kind as you.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Why 15 minutes of meditation a day is the game changer in the world of antiaging

<p><span lang="EN-GB">Our mind is our most precious asset and one we use every single day. Yet many of us don’t take the time to nourish it properly so it can perform at its very best now and well into the future.</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">We all lead busy lives. Constant demands pulling our attention in so many different ways at once. As women we tend to spend a lot of time taking care of those around us and put our own self-care on the back burner.  This can leave us feeling burnt out, stressed and looking older than we should.</span></p> <p><a name="_Hlk109827543"></a><span lang="EN-GB">When practiced correctly, meditation has </span><a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/meditation"><span lang="EN-GB">well-documented</span></a><span lang="EN-GB"> benefits including boosting your immune system, improving your sleep and reducing your stress levels.  These </span><span lang="EN-GB">all work together to slow down the ageing process, making meditation a game changer when it comes to anti-ageing.</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">If your day is already full, it can feel too hard to add something else into an already busy day.</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">But before you put it in the too-hard basket, you need to ask yourself,</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">-       </span><span lang="EN-GB">How much time did you spend stressing about a project before you actually got it done?</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">-       </span><span lang="EN-GB">How long did you lie in bed worrying about tomorrow?</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">-       </span><span lang="EN-GB">How much time did you waste mindless scrolling through social media?</span></p> <p><span lang="EN-GB">With as little as 15 minutes a day, meditation can help you to reduce your stress, to stop overthinking and to feel mentally strong enough to take on whatever challenges the day may bring.</span></p> <ol start="1" type="1"> <li><strong><span lang="EN-GB">Stop overthinking and focus on the present.</span></strong><span lang="EN-GB"><strong> </strong>We waste too much time and energy thinking about things we can’t control. Meditation teaches us to be present in the moment, acknowledging those wayward thoughts but not letting them take over. So instead of worrying about the past or overthinking the future, you’ll be able to focus on the task at hand.</span></li> <li><strong><span lang="EN-GB">Reduce the stress and take a breath.</span></strong><span lang="EN-GB"> Stressful situations can lead to your emotions being all over the place. When you learn to focus your thoughts during meditation, you also learn how to control your emotional response and reduce your stress levels. This increased sense of control can help you make better choices and create a more positive mindset.</span></li> <li><span lang="EN-GB"><strong>Build a stronger brain.</strong> </span><span lang="EN-GB">More is being understood about the complex connection between psychological and physical health. When we take steps to improve the state of our mind using meditation, it also creates </span><span lang="EN-GB"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9232427/#CR2">physical changes in our brain</a></span><span lang="EN-GB">. MRIs have shown that regular meditation can increase the thickness of your prefrontal cortex; the area responsible for higher brain functions such as awareness and concentration. It also suggests that meditation can help slow down age-related thinning of that area, keeping your brain functioning at a higher level for longer.</span></li> <li><strong><span lang="EN-GB">Save your skin.</span></strong><span lang="EN-GB"> When you reduce your stress levels using meditation, your body reduces the amount of cortisol, aka the stress hormone into your body. Cortisol is responsible for premature ageing signs including deeper wrinkles caused by weaker collagen, and increased skin inflammation and conditions such as psoriasis. So reducing the amount of cortisol in your system will help to slow down and even reverse some of these ageing responses.</span></li> </ol> <p><span lang="EN-GB">Meditation can be the ultimate game changing approach to anti-ageing. Because feeling strong, vibrant and passionate about your life is just as important as for how you look. If you’ve thought that looking after yourself wasn't a priority or that you didn’t have time, meditation can help to change your perspective so you can embrace making healthy choices and change your habits.</span></p> <p><strong><span lang="EN-GB">Lyndal Linkin, author of “To Age or Not to Age”, is a 56-year-old anti-aging expert who’s spent her lifetime learning about anti-aging solutions. A successful entrepreneur, corporate leader and mother, she uses her years of research and personal experience to explain the most effective methods so you can look and feel younger. Find out more at </span><span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://www.lyndallinkin.com.au/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.lyndallinkin.com.au</a></span><span lang="EN-GB"> or Instagram: @lyndallinkin</span></strong></p> <p><em><span lang="EN-GB">Image: Getty Images</span></em></p>

Mind

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To scooter, or not to scooter?

<p><em><strong><img width="117" height="100" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/41006/julie-g-aka-barbara-bindland_117x100.jpg" alt="Julie G Aka Barbara Bindland (5)" style="float: left;"/>Barbara Binland is the pen name of a senior, Julie Grenness, in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. She is a poet, writer, and part-time English and Maths tutor, with over 40 years of experience. Her many books are available on Amazon and Kindle.</strong></em></p> <p>So, as a senior citizen, you have finally hung up your car keys, for whatever reason. That is part of our ageing journey, one day no longer being able to drive a motor car again.</p> <p>What’s next? Well, the senior citizen, over-60, golden oldie, can decide to purchase an electric mobility scooter. These provide both transportation and independence to anyone with limited mobility. Scooters are a great invention, assisting their owners in performing everyday tasks, such as shopping, or running errands. Electric mobility scooters are the safest way of travelling currently in Australia, even safer than walking on a footpath!</p> <p>There is a variety of styles of scooters available, at a variety of prices. In Australia, the costs range from $1,400 to $8,000, depending on style, number of wheels, length of battery life, and manoeuvrability, as well as number of wheels. They have a warranty, you can have a home demonstration for a test drive, and can even have lessons!</p> <p>Here are some questions to consider before purchasing:</p> <ol> <li>What and how far do you intend to travel?</li> <li>Are you only planning to use your scooter locally, or do you wish to use it on trips?</li> <li>Are there tight corners where you wish to travel?</li> <li>Where will you store your scooter?</li> <li>Do you wish to carry luggage or bags with you?</li> <li>Have you considered the cost of insurance for your scooter?</li> <li>Is your vision okay at normal walking speed?</li> </ol> <p>Overall, electric mobility scooters are easy to operate, travel at a modest speed, and are a safe and stable mode of transport, as they are designed low to the ground. If you have a disability, or issues with walking, a power scooter helps you get around and provides you with independence. With a variety of styles available, you can find one that suits your needs, and looks good too.</p> <p>Finally, here is a little verse about greys on scooters to lighten your day…</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"> </span></p> <p align="center"><strong>FREEWHEELING!</strong></p> <p align="center">What a lovely day,</p> <p align="center">Look, here come the greys!</p> <p align="center">Freewheeling today,</p> <p align="center">On their scooters again…</p> <p align="center">Skateboarding teens, yah!</p> <p align="center">Look out, kids, you’re in the way!</p> <p align="center">Greys toot and wave,</p> <p align="center">Freewheeling today,</p> <p align="center">There go the greys!</p> <p align="center">Have a fun grey day!</p> <p align="center">Cheers from one of the greys!</p> <p>Do you use a scooter? How do you find it? Let us know in the comments below. </p>

Caring

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How artificial intelligence is scamming online daters

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Online dating is tricky for everyone. After all, anyone can be whoever they want to be on the internet.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It doesn’t help that the majority of internet users think they can spot a dating scam from miles away and that it would never happen to them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">However, thanks to new technology, it’s harder than ever to know if someone is being genuine over the internet. Scammers are constantly figuring out new ways to be deceptive </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">and gain people’s trust.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There is a new artificial intelligence technology available called Deepfake. This technology is able to produce hyper realistic images and videos of people and situations that don’t exist and have never happened.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The videos look so realistic that it is hard to prove they are fake. For example, Barack Obama never called Donald Trump a “dips**t”, but this video would have you believing otherwise.</span></p> <p><iframe width="653" height="380" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cQ54GDm1eL0" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Unless you look very closely, you would believe that Obama had said this. There are small tips to look out for, such as blurring or distortion on the video, but they’re only visible when you know what to look for.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Phillip Wang, the man behind the website ThisPersonDoesNotExist.com told </span><a href="https://www.news.com.au/technology/online/security/how-disturbing-ai-technology-could-be-used-to-scam-online-daters/news-story/1be46dc7081613849d67b82566f8b421"><span style="font-weight: 400;">news.com.au</span></a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">that he created the site to prove a point to friends about AI technology.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I then decided to share it on an AI Facebook group to raise awareness for the current state of the art for this technology. It went viral from there.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wang said he created the site to raise awareness about how easy it is to make a fake person. He also wants to raise awareness about the implications this technology could have in the future.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s getting more and more difficult to tell deepfakes from reality, and Wang has said that it’s “beyond something that simple photoshop forensics can help defeat.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Have you dabbled at online dating? Let us know in the comments.</span></p>

Technology

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6 marriage tips from grandmas you’d be a fool not to follow

<p><strong>Be careful what you look for because you might just find it</strong></p> <p>“My great grandmother always told me to be careful what you go fishing for because you may come out with snakes. As a therapist, I share this with my clients when they are suspicious of what their partner are doing. They may think they want to know everything but are the results worth the fallout from that information? Often we tend to think we are ready to know all the dirty details only to realize we were better off before.” —<em><a href="http://www.shannonbattle.com/"><strong>Shannon Battle</strong></a>, licensed professional counsellor</em></p> <p><strong>Saying no has a price</strong></p> <p>“My grandmother told me, ‘What you won’t do for your man, another woman will.’ As a married woman, I’m finally beginning to understand the wisdom in her advice. Sometimes we get comfortable and think our spouse will never look elsewhere. Marriage can get stale so it’s important to be open to making adjustments as we go through different experience, age, or change.” —<em>Shannon Battle </em></p> <p><strong>It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it</strong></p> <p>“As a child, my Southern grandmother taught me that successful relationships were more a result of character than content. As such, her favourite saying was ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Now that I work as a marriage counsellor I see how true that is. It’s important to always speak kindly even in tense situations as kind words help couples establish and maintain habits of fair and equitable collaboration that creates a stronger bond.” —Bill Benson, licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical counsellor at The Mental Gym</p> <p><strong>Let him (or her) win</strong></p> <p>“When I first got married my grandma told me to ‘always let him win.’ At the time, I didn’t like this advice because I didn’t think it was fair. Why should I always let him win? As I got older and more mature, I see her point and see why this is such an amazing way to be in a relationship. It’s not that we get taken advantage of, or let ourselves be used or abused, but it’s about letting your partner win with the small things. It’s about compromising for the sake of a peaceful marriage. You give in to smaller conflicts for the good of the whole, and for a more peaceful union.” —<em><a href="http://www.karennaalexander.com/"><strong>Karenna Alexander</strong></a>, dating and relationship coach, based in Connecticut and New York City</em></p> <p><strong>Have a hot meal ready</strong></p> <p>“My grandma always had a delicious meal waiting for my grandfather and told me to do the same. At first when I heard her saying this it seemed outdated and even a little silly. I figured a guy should love me for me, not for my cooking skills. And it’s true, if you have a good guy, you aren’t going to lose him if you are a bad cook. But that said, cooking a meal for someone you love is a way of showing them love and that a you are there for them every day. It’s a form of communication, even on days when you both are exhausted and have nothing left. It’s a way of communicating love and creativity and caring, even when words aren’t spoken.” —<em>Karenna Alexander</em></p> <p><strong>Pretend you can’t open the pickle jar</strong></p> <p>“My grandparents were married for 41 years and my grandma told me her secret: ‘Sometimes you have to let the other person feel needed, even if they aren’t.’ She explained how she would have my grandfather do little things like filing papers, or opening jars for her. She knew how to open a tight jar herself but she would still leave the tight jars until he came home from work. ‘Nobody wants to feel like you don’t need them to do nothing!’ she’d tell me. I understood later in life that even though I can change my own tire, my significant other wants to feel like he is the only one who can do it. And I am okay with that.” —<em>Whitney Tillery, relationship coach and blogger at <a href="http://shewriteablog.com/"><strong>shewriteablog.com</strong></a> </em>(Here are <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/happy-marriage-feel-loved/1"><strong>12 other tiny ways to make your spouse feel loved</strong></a>.)</p> <p><em>Written by Charlotte Hilton Andersen. This article first appeared in </em><a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/"><span><em>Reader’s Digest</em></span></a><em><a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">. </a>For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><span><em><a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.co.nz/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRN87V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a></em></span></p> <p> </p> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

Caring

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Why Prince George might not be king

<p>Although he is third in line to the throne, new reports suggest that Prince George may have a choice in whether he wants to become king or not. </p> <p>Leading child psychologist Emma Kenney has said that despite traditional royal succession rules, she believes he will be able to decide whether he wants to become the future monarch. </p> <p>Speaking to <span><a href="https://au.be.yahoo.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Yahoo Lifestyle</em></span></strong></a><em>,</em></span> Emma said the five-year-old heir will be "brought up with a dialogue" about his birthright. </p> <p>However, she believes his progressive parents, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, will not take away his autonomy. </p> <p>“I think [William and Kate] are the kind of parents that will say, ‘If this isn’t for you, then there’s a choice.’ And I genuinely believe that,” Emma said during an episode of <em>Yahoo’s</em> <a href="https://uk.style.yahoo.com/tagged/royal-box" target="_blank"><span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em>The Royal Box</em></strong> </span></span></a>series.</p> <p>“I’m sure he will go down the traditional route [and become king] but I do think they would never take away his autonomy.</p> <p>“There has been a whole generation within the royals at this age, the younger generation, that’s born of autonomy and choice. And whilst some accept it, I don’t think that necessarily will be the case forever. I think tradition has changed.”</p> <p>Royal historian Kate Williams agreed, suggesting that there could soon be a change in careers for the next generation of royals. </p> <p>“We might see George becoming a doctor and training as a junior doctor and then, when he’s 40 or so, moving to become the heir-in-waiting,” she said.</p> <p>“We know how much Prince William loved doing his job as a search and rescue pilot and Prince Harry loved being in the army – unfortunately he was exposed by the Australian magazine and had to come back from the theatre of war, which he is always devastated about.”</p> <p>Kate added how the public "loves to see" members of the royal family working. </p> <p>The royal commentators believe that in the future, George, Charlotte and Louis, could increase their popularity by having a 'real job' in addition to carrying out their royal duties. </p> <p>What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below. </p>

News

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No, opposites do not attract

<p><em><strong>Matthew D. Johnson is the Chair and Professor of Psychology and Director of the Marriage and Family Studies Laboratory at Binghamton University, State University of New York.</strong></em></p> <p>Everyone seems to agree that opposites attract. Young and old people, happy and distressed couples, single folks and married partners – all apparently buy the classic adage about love. Relationship experts have written <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/opposites-attract-renee-baron/1103372924" target="_blank">books</a></strong></span> based on this assumption. It’s even been internalized by people who are on the hunt for a partner, with 86 percent of those looking for love saying they’re <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/147470490800600406" target="_blank">seeking someone with opposite traits</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>The problem is that what’s true of magnets is not at all true of romance. As I explain in my book, “<em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.wiley.com/buy/978-1-118-52128-1" target="_blank">Great Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage</a></strong></span></em>,” people tend to be attracted to those who are similar – not opposite – to themselves.</p> <p><strong>I love how you’re just like me</strong></p> <p>Whether people <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.72.3.592" target="_blank">really find opposites more attractive</a></strong></span> has been the subject of many scientific studies. Researchers have investigated what combination makes for better romantic partners – those who are similar, different, or opposite? Scientists call these three possibilities the homogamy hypothesis, the heterogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis, respectively.</p> <p>The clear winner is homogamy. Since the 1950s, social scientists have conducted over 240 studies to determine whether similarity in terms of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0045531" target="_blank">attitudes</a></strong></span>, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/0146167291174010" target="_blank">personality traits</a></strong></span>, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.53.6.1052" target="_blank">outside interests</a></strong></span>, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-1031(81)90009-3" target="_blank">values</a></strong></span> and <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1540-4560.1976.tb02485.x" target="_blank">other characteristics</a></strong></span> leads to attraction. In 2013, psychologists Matthew Montoya and Robert Horton examined the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512452989" target="_blank">combined results of these studies</a></strong></span> in what’s called a meta-analysis. They found an irrefutable association between being similar to and being interested in the other person.</p> <p>In other words, there is clear and convincing evidence that birds of a feather flock together. For human beings, the attractiveness of similarity is so strong that it is found <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01217.x" target="_blank">across cultures</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>Because similarity is associated with attraction, it makes sense that individuals in committed relationships tend to be alike in many ways. Sometimes this is called <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://doi.org/10.1177/0192513x12459020" target="_blank">assortative mating</a></strong></span>, although this term is more often used to describe the ways in which people with similar levels of educational attainment, financial means and <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://doi.org/10.2307/2786870" target="_blank">physical appearance</a></strong></span> tend to pair up.</p> <p>None of this necessarily means that opposites don’t attract. Both the homogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis could be true. So is there scientific support that opposites might attract at least some of the time?</p> <p><strong>Filling in my weak spots with your strengths</strong></p> <p>Love stories often include people finding partners who seem to have traits that they lack, like a good girl falling for a bad boy. In this way, they appear to complement one another. For example, one spouse might be outgoing and funny while the other is shy and serious. It’s easy to see how both partners could view the other as ideal – one partner’s strengths balancing out the other partner’s weaknesses. In fact, one could imagine the friends and relatives of a shy person trying to set them up with an outgoing person to draw the shy one out. The question is whether people actually seek out complementary partners or if that just happens in the movies.</p> <p>As it turns out, it’s pure fiction. There is essentially no research evidence that differences in personality, interests, education, politics, upbringing, religion or other traits lead to greater attraction.</p> <p>For example, in one study researchers found that college students preferred descriptions of mates whose written bios were <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.4.709" target="_blank">similar to themselves or their ideal self</a></strong></span> over those described as complementing themselves. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167298243004" target="_blank">Other studies</a></strong></span> have supported this finding. For example, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0031699" target="_blank">introverts are no more attracted to extraverts</a></strong></span> than they are to anyone else.</p> <p><strong>Why are we so sure opposites attract?</strong></p> <p>Despite the overwhelming evidence, why does the myth of heterogamy endure? There are probably a few factors at work here.</p> <p>First, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0096-1523.24.5.1315" target="_blank">contrasts tend to stand out</a></strong></span>. Even if the partners in a couple match on tons of characteristics, they may end up arguing about the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/acceptance-and-change-in-couple-therapy-andrew-christensen/1103810614?ean=9780393702903" target="_blank">ways in which they are different</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>Beyond that, there’s evidence that <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0044134" target="_blank">small differences</a></strong></span> between spouses can become larger over time. In their self-help book “<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="https://www.guilford.com/books/Reconcilable-Differences/Christensen-Doss-Jacobson/9781462502431" target="_blank">Reconcilable Differences</a></strong></em></span>,” psychologists Andrew Christensen, Brian Doss and Neil Jacobson describe how partners move into roles that are complementary over time.</p> <p>For example, if one member of a couple is slightly more humorous than the other, the couple may settle into a pattern in which the slightly-more-funny spouse claims the role of “the funny one” while the slightly-less-funny spouse slots into the role of “the serious one.” Scientists have demonstrated that, yes, partners <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2001.tb00038.x" target="_blank">grow more complementary over time</a></strong></span>; while they may begin as quite alike, they find ways to differentiate themselves by degree.</p> <p>In the end, people’s attraction to differences is vastly outweighed by our attraction to similarities. People persist in thinking opposites attract – when in reality, relatively similar partners just become a bit more complementary as time goes by.</p> <p><em>Written by Matthew D. Johnson. Republished with permission of <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation.</a></span></strong></em><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/88839/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></p>

Relationships

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Jane Fonda reveals why she’s not having sex anymore

<p>Actress Jane Fonda has openly discussed her sex life in the past. At the age of 74, she famously broke age stereotypes by saying that she had “never had such a fulfilling sex life”.</p> <p>Now, at the age of 80, Fonda has announced that she has “closed up shop down there”.</p> <p>"I'm 80," Fonda told entertainment news show <em>Extra</em> at the LA premiere of <em>Book Club</em> – her new movie also starring Diane Keaton, Mary Steenburgen and Candice Bergen.</p> <p>"It's about very important things: friendship and sex," Fonda described about the movie which follows the story of older women reading <em>Fifty Shades of Grey</em> in their book club.</p> <p>"And that it's OK for older women to have both."</p> <p>But she added: "I'm not dating anymore, but I did up until a couple of years ago. I’m 80. I’ve closed up shop down there.”</p> <p>Last year, data collected from the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing, found that men and women over 80 reported more shared sexual compatibility and emotional closeness than those in their 50s, 60s and 70s.</p> <p>Co-author of the report, Dr David Lee, told <em>The Guardian </em>that sex was not defined by penetration.</p> <p>“We saw quite a lot of adaptation in the older people, saying they no longer had penetrative sexual intercourse and were more content with kissing and cuddling and general intimacy. We kept a very broad definition of sex. We saw what appeared to be adaptive behaviour in the older members of our sample."</p> <p>However, Dr Lee also found that only 10 per cent of women aged 85 or older, and less than 25 per cent of men aged over 80, had a sex life.</p> <p>"They're a minority, clearly, but they're an interesting minority," said Dr Lee.</p> <p>"Among those who were [sexually active], it was quite interesting that they seemed happy with their sexual lives."</p> <p>A survey released from the University of Michigan a few days ago found that 84 per cent of men and 69 per cent of women believe sex is important to a relationship at any age.</p> <p>Over half of men and just under a third of women said they were sexually active in some way.</p> <p>"I think it's important for everyone to know that people in their 70s can be sexually attractive and sexually active. They don't have to be ... and lots of people have opted out of that, but they can be,” Jane Fonda said. </p>

Movies

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I’m not overweight – why do I need to eat healthy foods?

<p><em><strong>Alessandro R Demaio, Australian Medical Doctor; Fellow in Global Health &amp; NCDs, University of Copenhagen, explains why you need to eat healthy foods, even if you’re overweight.</strong></em></p> <p>We all have that one friend whose eating habits and body shape simply don’t add up. While enjoying the unhealthiest of meals and a sedentary lifestyle, somehow they effortlessly retain a slender figure.</p> <p>At first glance we may assume these slim people are healthy, but it’s not always the case. So if you don’t have weight to worry about, what’s the impetus for avoiding sweet or salty temptations and eating good, nutritious foods instead?</p> <p><strong>Healthy weight ≠ good health</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.heartfoundation.org.au/your-heart/know-your-risks/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator" target="_blank">Body mass index or BMI</a></strong></span>, the tool most often used to determine “healthy weight ranges”, was designed primarily to track the weight of populations.</p> <p>While it’s a simple and useful screening tool when looking at groups of people, it’s not a good marker of individual health. This is because BMI is a measure of our height and our weight, and the ratios of their combination. But weight alone doesn’t discriminate between a kilogram of fat versus a kilogram of muscle nor does it account for body shape and fat distribution differences relating to, say, ethnicity or gender.</p> <p>Just as <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://academic.oup.com/eurheartj/article/34/5/389/481217" target="_blank">not all obese individuals</a></strong></span> have heart disease risk factors or unhealthy metabolisms (the conversion of food into energy), nor do <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/89/6/2569/2870288" target="_blank">all lean people have healthy ones</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>There’s a well-documented subset of people known as <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://diabetes.diabetesjournals.org/content/47/5/699" target="_blank">metabolically obese, normal weight individuals</a></strong></span>. These people are not obese as determined by their height and weight, but may face metabolic dysfunction such as insulin resistance (which leads to a build-up of sugar in the blood), and like their physically obese counterparts are predisposed to type 2 diabetes, high levels of fats in the blood, heart disease and even some cancers.</p> <p><strong>Food is health</strong></p> <p>The most compelling reason to eat healthy foods is the correlation between good nutrition and well-being. Coupled with regular exercise, eating a diet rich in whole foods and grains, healthy oils and low in sugar and salt, has been shown to convey a number of benefits. These include a <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0081877" target="_blank">longer life with less pain and suffering</a></strong></span>, less risk of back pain or muscular problems and even an increased libido.</p> <p>Food has been identified as an important risk factor for <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1471-244X-14-132" target="_blank">cognitive decline and dementia in older age</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>A healthy diet combined with physical activity can <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25963237" target="_blank">strengthen bones</a></strong></span> and reduce body aches and pains. And these benefits are conferred irrespective of your baseline weight or age.</p> <p><strong>Health risks aren’t always visible</strong></p> <p>While it might be easy to take solace in a thinner weight, many of the serious health risks associated with poorer diet are often hidden from plain sight.</p> <p>Excessive salt consumption can cause the kidneys to hold on to more water, resulting in an increase in blood pressure. High blood pressure strains the arteries that supply blood to our vital organs including our heart and brain, and <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.bloodpressureuk.org/microsites/salt/Home/Whysaltisbad/Saltseffects#TklJ" target="_blank">increases our risk</a></strong></span> of stroke, dementia, heart attack and kidney disease.</p> <p>Consumption of high amounts of sugar, especially from sugar sweetened beverages, is associated with an <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4405421/" target="_blank">increased risk in fatty liver disease</a></strong></span>, among many other health problems. This in turn significantly increases our risk of liver scarring, heart disease and stroke.</p> <p>Recent research has also reconfirmed a <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.wcrf.org/int/research-we-fund/continuous-update-project-findings-reports/colorectal-bowel-cancer" target="_blank">link between bowel cancer and red meat consumption</a></strong></span>. Processed meats such as ham, bacon and salami appear to be especially problematic.</p> <p>Not only can all of these occur without any visual cues, but they can also develop irrespective of our weight.</p> <p><strong>Our kids’ health</strong></p> <p>The importance of a good diet is not just limited to our own health. Children of parents with poor diets are significantly more likely to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22089441" target="_blank">inherit similarly unhealthy eating habits</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>And it doesn’t stop there. Through a mechanism called <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/how-epigenetics-may-help-us-slow-down-the-ageing-clock-76878" target="_blank">epigenetics</a></strong></span>, our health and our diet can result in alterations to the expression of our genes.</p> <p>Animal studies have shown <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/how-your-grandparents-life-could-have-changed-your-genes-19136" target="_blank">epigenetic changes resulting from poor diet</a></strong></span> (and other stressors) can influence the healthiness of future generations. Many scientists now believe the same will prove true for humans too.</p> <p><strong>Saving lives, and money</strong></p> <p>Contrary to what many of us think, the latest evidence suggests <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/a-healthy-diet-is-cheaper-than-junk-food-but-a-good-diet-is-still-too-expensive-for-some-57873" target="_blank">eating a healthy diet is actually cheaper</a></strong></span> than consuming the unhealthy foods that now dominate many Australian households.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-016-2996-y" target="_blank">Analysis</a></strong></span> of both wealthier and poorer suburbs in Brisbane, for example, showed the average family of four spends 18% more on current diets than would be required if they could more closely adhere to healthy dietary recommendations.</p> <p>This is not to say eating healthily is easy, accessible or even possible for everyone, but might be more possible than we first think.</p> <p>Not only would adopting a healthy diet be a beneficial investment for individuals and families, it might also go a long way to curbing the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.pwc.com.au/pdf/weighing-the-cost-of-obesity-final.pdf" target="_blank">major societal costs</a></strong></span> from growing weight gain. The annual costs from obesity already add up to A$830 million in Australia alone.</p> <p>The consequences of poor diet increasingly burden Australians and our health care system. While it’s easy to measure our health based on a reading of the bathroom scales, eating a diverse and nutritious diet will bring overwhelming benefits to everyone – regardless of our current weight.</p> <p>Do you agree?</p> <p><em>Written by Alessandro R Demaio. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>.</em> <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90436/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></p>

Body

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3 things NOT to say after being complimented

<p>When you receive a compliment, how to you react? Do you thank the person giving the compliment? Do you go quiet? Do you shut them down?</p> <p>We all respond differently, but experts agree the healthiest thing to do is accept it. Why? Well, according to relationship expert and author Dr Jane Greer, shutting down someone’s compliment shows insecurity and a lack of confidence.</p> <p>“You aren’t able to claim ownership of whatever positive aspect of yourself that’s being addressed – your hair, your outfit, your talents and strengths,” she tells <a href="http://www.preventionaus.com.au/article/4-things-you-need-to-stop-saying-after-getting-a-compliment-481561" target="_blank"><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Prevention</span></strong></em></a>.</p> <p>So, the next time someone compliments you, avoid saying these three common things and swap them for a “thank you” instead.</p> <p><strong>1. “Yes, my hairdresser did a great job”</strong></p> <p>Your friend is complimenting you, not your hairdresser, so don’t give the credit to someone else. The same can be said if you’ve done something nice for a friend, like making a photo album. If they compliment your effort, don’t say, “oh, Ann gave me lots of help,” or “it was nothing”. Simply accept the praise and say, “thank you”.</p> <p><strong>2. “Oh stop it, that’s not true”</strong></p> <p>When someone compliments you, even if you don’t believe or agree with what they’re saying, resist the urge to shut them down. Show some appreciation for them taking the time to try and make your day – it never pays to respond to an act of kindness by brushing the person off.</p> <p>“The reality is most people are attracted to confident people, people who know their worth and value and respect themselves,” psychiatrist Dr Gail Saltz tells Prevention.</p> <p>“So it behoves you to accept compliments in a way that you can incorporate into your self-esteem, and with a genuine appreciation to the person who was kind enough to offer it. It also helps to give you a realistic but positive view of yourself.</p> <p>“At first, it really takes effort to change your reaction to compliments. You likely have to rehearse some ways in private to respond so you can more easily try them out in public.”</p> <p><strong>3. “Really? Do you think so?”</strong></p> <p>The person wouldn’t be complimenting you if they didn’t mean it. It’s not arrogant or narcissistic to accept a compliment rather than questioning it.</p> <p>“Women are much more likely to demur at a compliment because they have been socialized to believe that being feminine means being self-effacing and overly humble,” Saltz explains. “Women often feel it's not polite, nor comfortable, nor likeable to acknowledge and embrace a compliment.”</p> <p>Tell us in the comments below, how do you respond to compliments?</p>

Mind

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Why you shouldn’t be afraid of dying alone

<p><em><strong>Glenys Caswell is a sociologist and Senior Research Fellow at the University of Nottingham. Her research focuses on social management of dying and death.</strong></em></p> <p>It seems so obvious that no one should die alone that we never talk about it, but people do often die when they are alone. Sometimes they die in a way that suggests they prefer to be alone as they are coming to the end of their lives. So is it really such a bad thing to be alone when you die?</p> <p>When a person is dying in a hospital or a care home it is common for the nurses caring for them to summon their family. Many people will have the experience of trying to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.2190/OM.55.3.d" target="_blank">keep vigil beside a family member</a></strong></span>. It is hard – as everyday life goes on regardless – and it can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes, the relative will die when their family have gone to make a phone call or get a cup of tea, leaving the family feeling distressed and guilty for not being there when they died.</p> <p>There is plenty of research literature, from many countries, devoted to trying to decide <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0885392415001578" target="_blank">what makes a good death</a></strong></span>. There are differences to be found between countries, but similarities too. One similarity is a belief that <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S106474811600138X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">no one should die alone</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>This idea sits well with the view of dying that can be found in many different places. When interviewed as research participants, health professionals – and <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904589/" target="_blank">nurses in particular</a></span> </strong>– commonly say that no one should die alone. There are also many cultural references that suggest that to die alone is a bad thing. Consider, for example, the death of Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’s <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/46/46-h/46-h.htm" target="_blank">A Christmas Carol</a></strong></em></span>, or the death of Nemo, the law writer in <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1023/1023-h/1023-h.htm" target="_blank">Bleak House</a></strong></em></span>. These are both sad, dark, lonely deaths of a kind to be avoided.</p> <p>Celebrity deaths, such as those of comedian and actress <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2016/apr/20/victoria-wood-dies-aged-62-comedian" target="_blank">Victoria Wood</a></strong></span> or <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35278872" target="_blank">David Bowie</a></strong></span>, are described in the news as peaceful or good when they are surrounded by family. Ordinary people who die alone make the news when the person’s body is undiscovered for a long time. When this happens the death is likely to be described in <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S027795360300577X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">negative terms</a></strong></span>, such as shocking, lonely, tragic or as a sad indictment of society.</p> <p><strong>Some people prefer to be alone</strong></p> <p>Of course, it may be the case that many people would prefer to have their family around them when they are dying. But there is <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21582041.2015.1114663" target="_blank">evidence</a></strong></span> that suggests that some people would <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953615003482?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">prefer to be alone</a></strong></span> as they are coming to the end of their lives.</p> <p>My own <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13576275.2017.1413542" target="_blank">research</a></strong></span> found that while hospice-at-home nurses believe that no one should die alone, they had seen cases where a person died after their family members had left the bedside. The nurses believed that some people just want to be on their own when they are dying. They also thought that people may have a measure of control over when they die, and choose to do so when their family are not around.</p> <p>In the same study, I also talked to older people who were living alone to find out their views about dying alone. I was intrigued to learn that dying alone was not seen as something that is automatically bad, and for some of the older people it was to be preferred. For some people in this group, dying was not the worst thing that could happen – being trapped in a care home was considered to be far worse than dying alone.</p> <p>Cultural representations of dying suggest that being alone while dying is a dreadful thing. This view is supported by healthcare policy and the practices of health professionals, such as nurses. But we all know people who prefer to be left alone when they are ill. Is it so surprising then that some might wish to be alone when they are dying?</p> <p>It is time we began to talk about this and to accept that we want different things in our dying as we do in our living. Openness created through discussion might also help to remove some of the guilt that family members feel when they miss the moment of their relative’s death.</p> <p><em>Written by Glenys Caswell. Republished with the permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90034/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/> </em></p>

Caring

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Why true happiness isn’t about being happy all the time

<p><em><strong>Lowri Dowthwaite is a Lecturer in Psychological Interventions at the University of Central Lancashire.</strong></em></p> <p>Over the past two decades, the positive psychology movement has brightened up psychological research with its science of happiness, human potential and flourishing. It argues that psychologists should not only investigate mental illness but also <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://s3.amazonaws.com/academia.edu.documents/38825564/Seligman_and_Csikszentmihalyi_salud_positiva.pdf?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAIWOWYYGZ2Y53UL3A&amp;Expires=1512736218&amp;Signature=d447VD%2FpUzNTUzI6VaYSbCNj4ew%3D&amp;response-content-disposition=inline%3B%20filename%3DPositive_Psychology_An_Introduction.pdf" target="_blank">what makes life worth living</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>The founding father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/43062/10902_2004_article_1278.pdf?sequence=1" target="_blank">describes happiness</a></strong></span> as experiencing frequent positive emotions, such as joy, excitement and contentment, combined with deeper feelings of meaning and purpose. It implies a positive mindset in the present and an optimistic outlook for the future. Importantly, happiness experts have argued that happiness is not a stable, unchangeable trait but something flexible that we can work on and ultimately strive towards.</p> <p>I have been running happiness workshops for the last four years based on the evidence from the above field of psychology. The workshops are fun and I have earned a reputation as “Mrs Happy”, but the last thing I would want anyone to believe is that I am happy all the time. Striving for a happy life is one thing, but striving to be happy all the time is unrealistic.</p> <p>Recent <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2998793/" target="_blank">research</a></strong></span> indicates that psychological flexibility is the key to greater happiness and well-being. For example, being open to emotional experiences and the ability to tolerate periods of discomfort can allow us to move towards a richer, more meaningful existence.</p> <p>Studies have <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://cloudfront.escholarship.org/dist/prd/content/qt4v03h9gv/qt4v03h9gv.pdf" target="_blank">demonstrated</a></strong></span> that the way we respond to the circumstances of our lives has more influence on our happiness than the events themselves. Experiencing stress, sadness and anxiety in the short term doesn’t mean we can’t be happy in the long term.</p> <p><strong>Two paths to happiness</strong></p> <p>Philosophically speaking there are two paths to feeling happy, the hedonistic and the eudaimonic. Hedonists take the view that in order to live a happy life we must <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://search.proquest.com/docview/205845157?pq-origsite=gscholar" target="_blank">maximise pleasure and avoid pain</a></strong></span>. This view is about satisfying human appetites and desires, but it is often short lived.</p> <p>In contrast, the eudaimonic approach takes the long view. It argues that we should live authentically and for the greater good. We should pursue meaning and potential through kindness, justice, honesty and courage.</p> <p>If we see happiness in the hedonistic sense, then we have to continue to seek out new pleasures and experiences in order to “top up” our happiness. We will also try to minimise unpleasant and painful feelings in order to keep our mood high.</p> <p>If we take the eudaimonic approach, however, we strive for meaning, using our strengths to contribute to something greater than ourselves. This may involve unpleasant experiences and emotions at times, but often leads to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://org-portal.org/fileadmin/media/legacy/the_resilience_inventory.pdf" target="_blank">deeper levels of joy and contentment</a></strong></span>. So leading a happy life is not about avoiding hard times; it is about being able to respond to adversity in a way that allows you to grow from the experience.</p> <p><strong>Growing from adversity</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.katehefferon.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Hefferon-Grealy-Mutrie-BJHP.pdf" target="_blank">Research shows</a></strong></span> that experiencing adversity can actually be good for us, depending on how we respond to it. Tolerating distress can <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2891552/pdf/nihms196902.pdf" target="_blank">make us more resilient</a></strong></span> and lead us to take action in our lives, such as changing jobs or overcoming hardship.</p> <p>In <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.katehefferon.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Hefferon-Grealy-Mutrie-BJHP.pdf" target="_blank">studies of people facing trauma</a></strong></span>, many describe their experience as a catalyst for profound change and transformation, leading to a phenomenon known as “post-traumatic growth”. Often when people have faced difficulty, illness or loss, they describe their lives as happier and more meaningful as a result.</p> <p>Unlike feeling happy, which is a transient state, leading a happier life is about individual growth through finding meaning. It is about accepting our humanity with all its ups and downs, enjoying the positive emotions, and harnessing painful feelings in order to reach our full potential.</p> <p><em>Written by Lowri Dowthwaite. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>. <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/88600/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></em></p>

Mind

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We’re not sleeping enough and it is killing us

<p>Inadequate sleep has a huge impact on how you function, feel and think, yet recent data has revealed that 50 per cent of people are failing to get enough shut-eye.</p> <p>Despite being exhausted, 75 per cent of people are also having difficulty falling asleep once they lay their head on their pillow.</p> <p>Most people will pin their sleep deprivation on either a busy schedule that physically removes you from your bed, or a busy mind that mentally keeps you alert during the night.</p> <p>It is recommended that adults get 7-9 hours sleep each night and Dr Nick Fuller has shared tips with <a href="https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/were-not-sleeping-enough-and-its-killing-us/news-story/8dfd04ff4efb4e94d06da2c805ed9c8a" target="_blank"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Daily Telegraph</span></em></strong></a> on how to make sure that happens.</p> <p><strong>1. Boost serotonin levels</strong></p> <p>Not only does serotonin regulate sleep but also your mood and appetite. It is derived from the amino acid, tryptophan, so make sure your evening meal contains naturally high amounts of tryptophan. Some examples of foods containing tryptophan include dairy foods, eggs, tofu, soy beans, salmon, lamb, chicken, turkey, cherries, Kiwi fruit, nuts and seeds.</p> <p><strong>2. Have a good bed</strong></p> <p>You spend a lot of time in your bed and sleeping is such an important aspect of your health, so it is justifiable to spend good money to make sure you have a quality bed.</p> <p><strong>3. Avoid caffeine</strong></p> <p>Dr Fuller recommends avoid having coffee six hours before you go to bed. Many people also forget about caffeine in tea, so if you are having a tea before bed, opt for herbal tea.</p> <p><strong>4. Remove screens from bedroom</strong></p> <p>Not only should you not go on your computer or phone right before bed, but Dr Fuller also suggests removing the technology entirely from your room. This will give your body a chance to produce melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep.</p> <p><strong>5. Regular exercise</strong></p> <p>Consistency is key when it comes to exercise and we all know that it improves our quality of life throughout the day, but it also improves our quality of sleep.</p> <p><strong>6. Limit fluids before bed</strong></p> <p>To avoid waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, moderate your fluids after 4pm.</p> <p><strong>7. Avoid smoking before bed</strong></p> <p>Dr Fuller explains that nicotine is a stimulant and can prevent a good sleep and cause insomnia. Call the Quitline 137 848 to discuss free available support to stop smoking.</p> <p>What are your tips for getting a good night’s sleep? Do you have trouble sleeping? Let us know in the comments below.</p>

Body

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5 signs you aren’t dressing your age

<p>Unless you want to add years to your look, be sure not to dress in clothes that are suited to someone much younger. </p> <p>That’s the advice we want to give to the people who may not realise that wearing the clothes of the younger generation is actually ageing rather than flattering. </p> <p>But how exactly do you know if you are not wearing the right clothes for your age? Read on to find out. </p> <p><strong>1. Are you shopping at trendy clothing stores?</strong></p> <p>If you’re shopping where the kids shop, chances are you are buying clothes that aren’t flattering you. The cuts and styles of the teenagers and 20-somethings are much different to those that suit some aged 50-plus. Just because you can fit into the skinny jeans or the high waisted shorts, doesn’t mean that you should wear them.</p> <p><strong>2. Do your shirts have slogans on them?</strong></p> <p>If you’re still wearing t-shirts from your favourite 70’s bands or something with ‘Choose Life’ across the front, it really just screams ‘I live in the past’. The same goes for anything with cartoons or characters adorning the front, it’s really a no-no past about 18 years of age.</p> <p><strong>3. Do you still wear clothes that you bought a decade ago?</strong></p> <p>Looks change, and the suit or jacket you bought ten years ago is more likely to be cut differently to something modern, which could be dating your look. Of course, there are exceptions (little black dresses are always in style) but it pay to re-invest in a few pieces that you’ll wear again and again.</p> <p><strong>4. Are you showing off all of your best assets?</strong></p> <p>A low cut top with short shorts doesn’t look classy, even if you’ve got the body to rock it. It’s always best to go with highlighting one key area rather than revealing all. </p> <p><strong>5. Does your swimsuit fit properly?</strong></p> <p>Many of us are guilty of keeping the same old swimmers around, even though they don’t do us many favours. Over time swimmers lose their elastic so they won’t be nipping and tucking in the right places.</p> <p>Have you updated your look recently? We would love to hear about what inspired you in the comments.</p>

Beauty & Style

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7 things NOT to say to a cancer patient

<p>When we hear that a loved one has cancer, our understandable first instinct can be to rush to comfort this person. Unfortunately, despite our best intentions, the things we say don’t always have the effect we intend them to, and are inadvertently insensitive. Here are some things you should avoid saying to cancer patients.</p> <p><strong>1. “Let me know what I can do to help”</strong></p> <p>While the intention is to provide assistance, this kind of vague offer can be confusing, depending on your relationship with the person. They might spend time wondering if it’s too much to ask for you to drive them to an appointment, or whether perhaps your offer was more symbolic. If you actually want to help, try suggesting things you are willing and able to do for this person: “I’ll drop in with a cooked meal on Tuesday evenings so you have one less night to worry about dinner”; or, “I’m happy to come and lend a hand with cleaning the house. I can be there on Saturday mornings if that works for you.”</p> <p><strong>2. “I knew someone who…”</strong></p> <p>Trying to relate the story of someone you know/once knew to the person currently going through their own struggle is probably not as helpful as you intend it to be.</p> <p><strong>3. “How are you?”</strong></p> <p>This simple question is asked countless times every day. But with cancer patients, it can take on a new meaning, especially when well-meaning friends and relatives press for answers. Your question could send this person into a state of confusion, wondering how much to share with you, how much you can handle, and if you really want to know. Instead of posing it as a question that demands an answer, try phrasing it in a looser way, “Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling, or would you prefer to talk about something else?”</p> <p><strong>4. “You’re lucky it’s …”</strong></p> <p>There’s nothing lucky about cancer, really, and to phrase things in that way can diminish what someone is going through.</p> <p><strong>5. “You have to stay positive”</strong></p> <p>This person doesn’t have to do anything, and reminders that they must stay positive can make them feel badly for not feeling good about what’s to come. If things don’t go as well as hoped, is it because they didn’t stay positive? Not likely, but it might make them feel like it is.</p> <p><strong>6. “I’m so sad for you”</strong></p> <p>Don’t pile on to your friend by sharing how emotional you are about their cancer diagnosis. Despite your best intentions and empathy, your sympathy can make them feel worse – to know that you are looking at them with pity.</p> <p><strong>7. “I understand what you’re going through”</strong></p> <p>It’s unlikely that you understand all of the emotions this person is having. Even if you do, it’s not likely to be helpful to them. Invite them to tell you about their feelings instead, and be willing to silently listen, support, and engage when required.</p> <p>Have you experienced cancer in your life? What would you advise others not to say to cancer patients?</p>

Caring

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You might suffer this common condition and not even know it

<p>Copper overload is surprisingly common yet not often identified. It can occur from many sources, including:</p> <ul> <li>An imbalance from vitamins and supplements</li> <li>From being deficient in minerals such as zinc and manganese</li> <li>From a vegetarian diet</li> <li>From copper in food</li> <li>Drinking water from copper pipes</li> <li>Birth control pills</li> <li>Copper IUDs</li> </ul> <p>It can also be passed onto children from a copper overloaded mother.</p> <p><strong>What are the symptoms?</strong></p> <p>You might feel anxious or depressed, have migraines, feel tired but can’t sleep as your mind is racing, bruise easily, have reproductive challenges, and seem to get every cough and cold going around.</p> <p>In more severe cases it can trigger post natal depression, mental illness, paranoia and even schizophrenia. It can also affect your liver function.</p> <p>Many of these symptoms would not be diagnosed by GPs as copper overload, but in fact it is a very common complaint – especially for women, as estrogen tends to cause copper to remain in the body.</p> <p><strong>How is it detected?</strong></p> <p>Many GPs would not go straight to testing for copper overload. While there are serious cases of copper overload such as Wilson’s disease, most sufferers fall into the more moderate level, which flies under the radar.</p> <p>If you ask though, they can do blood and urine tests to see if you have an imbalance.</p> <p>Another way is to do a hair mineral analysis. This still doesn’t always give a clear answer though, as the copper tends to be stored in the tissue rather than being released into the system for detection.</p> <p>Another way to check for copper overload is to look at whether someone has a high copper to zinc ratio.</p> <p>Ask your doctor if you are concerned that you have many of the symptoms described above, as it may be something that they had not considered.</p> <p><strong>Next steps</strong></p> <p>If you are discovered to have too much copper in your system, you will be prescribed treatment that comes in many forms.</p> <p>Most likely you will be recommended to reduce stress, as the copper levels tend to rise in response to stressor. For instance you might try meditation or yoga, walking or it might even be suggested to change jobs if you work in a high stress environment.</p> <p>Secondly many sufferers report feeling better after a change to their diet. There is copper and zinc in many foods, so avoiding copper-rich foods and increasing those high in zinc could help to get the balance right.</p> <p>For example alcohol, sugar, and grains can reduce your much-needed zinc levels; while meat and poultry will be able to increase them. This explains why many vegetarians experience copper overload. A nutritionist can help guide you here once you have been diagnosed.</p> <p>The third level of treatment is to find the right balance of vitamin and mineral supplements, depending on your level of copper overload.</p> <p>Has someone you know been diagnosed with copper overload? We would love to hear your story in the comments.</p>

Body

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What not to put down your waste disposal

<p>People who have waste disposals often swear by them -  but be warned: their powers only stretch so far. They might be able to make scraps disappear, but it is a triumph of machinery rather than magic.</p> <p>Mounted under your sink, a waste disposal consists of a chamber with a set of grinding teeth that disintegrates scraps before passing them in to your drain. Throw items down there carelessly and you're setting yourself up for repairs.</p> <p>Home renovation listing site Builderscrack.co.nz has a request for a waste disposal fix nearly every three days.</p> <p>"We have had just over 100 requests for waste disposal repairs just over the past year," said founder Jeremy Wyn-Harris, "[which is] more than I expected as we cover all trades."</p> <p><strong>1. Bones</strong></p> <p>That chicken wing or fish bone sliver might look flimsy, but it's not. The grinding system in your waste disposal is simply not powerful enough to chew it up.</p> <p>"Waste disposals - the bane of my life," said plumber Dan Adams of The Drain Company. "Chicken bones, lamb bones, anything with meat doesn't belong in there." </p> <p><strong>2. Grease </strong></p> <p>Sending oil or grease down the sink or waste disposal seems okay until it cools, solidifies and blocks your water pipes.</p> <p>"People will pour their roasting pans down there on a Sunday," said Adams, "It makes the pipes all gluggy."</p> <p>Over time, this means duller blades in your waste disposal, an icky smell in your kitchen, and blockages.</p> <p>Instead, collect excess fats and oil in a covered container and discard in the weekly rubbish, add to your compost bin, or dig into your garden.</p> <p><strong>3. Egg shells </strong></p> <p>It's an old wives' tale that egg shells sharpen a waste disposal's grinding teeth.</p> <p>Though the white membrane inside the egg can get stuck around the ring itself, the real problem is that ground up egg shells take on a consistency similar to sand.</p> <p>Adams has not personally experienced a breakage to a waste disposal caused by an egg shell, just the problems that come afterwards.</p> <p>"They tend to build up in the pipework afterwards," he said.</p> <p>Combined with excess grease, it's a recipe for blocked pipes.</p> <p><strong>4. Some vegetable peels</strong></p> <p>Stringy vegetables like celery, corn husks, artichokes, asparagus, carrots, lettuce, onions, and even potato peels cause problems.</p> <p>Anything fibrous can get stuck around the motor. Scraps like these are best sent to a compost heap. But if down the gurgler they must go, add them little by little and with cold water running all the while.</p> <p><strong>5. Coffee grounds </strong></p> <p>Whilst it won't damage your disposal unit and may provide an interim scent refreshment, ground coffee is a big culprit when it comes to blocked kitchen pipes.</p> <p>"Coffee grounds, they're quite sludgy in pipes," said Adams.</p> <p>Instead, spread your grounds in your garden or even in your houseplants to repel bugs.</p> <p><strong>6. Rice and pasta </strong></p> <p>They may seem benign enough but the water absorption properties of pasta and rice make them a no-go for under-sink disposal.</p> <p>Their remnants combine to form a gluggy paste in the waste disposal's chamber.</p> <p><strong>7. Non-food items</strong></p> <p>Finally, non-food items like cigarette butts, ash, rubber bands, twist ties, paper towel, sponges, pull tabs or plant clippings do not belong in your waste disposal.</p> <p>Watch out for kids making little additions to your disposal when you're unawares.</p> <p>"Kids are normally quite naughty," said Adams, "putting things down there like toys, clothes pegs, buttons, and even tinfoil."</p> <p>"I've usually found this in, dare I say it, rental properties where people are not as careful."</p> <p><em>Written by Anabela Rea. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz.</span></strong></a></em></p>

Home & Garden