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Instagram is making you a worse tourist – here’s how to travel respectfully

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-a-siegel-1416907">Lauren A. Siegel</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-greenwich-1298">University of Greenwich</a> Travel is back in full swing this summer, and so is bad behaviour by tourists. Popular destinations have seen an uptick in incidents involving tourists in <a href="http://darwin.cnn-travel-vertical.ui.cnn.io/travel/article/tourists-behaving-badly/index.html?gallery=0">recent years</a>. Reports of a <a href="https://www.euronews.com/culture/2023/06/30/hunt-for-tourist-who-carved-name-in-colosseum-intensifies">man defacing</a> the Colosseum in Rome shows that behaviour has deteriorated even in places that rarely had problems in the past. What’s behind these abhorrent acts? One answer, <a href="https://ertr-ojs-tamu.tdl.org/ertr/article/view/541/178">my research shows</a>, is social media. Instagram and TikTok have made it easy to find “hidden gem” restaurants and discover new destinations to add to your bucket list. But this democratisation of travel has had other consequences. Because people now see their social media connections from their home environment travelling in an exotic location, they assume (consciously or not) that behaviour they ordinarily carry out at home is also acceptable in that holiday destination. This is known as <a href="https://fs.blog/mental-model-social-proof/">social proof</a>, when we look to the behaviours of others to inform our own actions. People are likely to act more <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0013916508319448">hedonistically while on holiday</a>. Now, travellers also look to social media for proof of how others behave. If their peers from home are throwing caution to the wind while on holiday, this can cause a domino effect of bad behaviour. I’ve identified other bad travel attitudes and habits that have emerged as a result of <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2212571X23000045?via%3Dihub">social media-driven tourism</a>. For example, the <a href="https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/identifiable-victim-effect">identifiable victim effect</a>, which explains how people are more likely to sympathise with victims of tragedies when they know who those victims are. Because tourists are often sheltered in hotels and resorts away from local communities, they might (wrongly) think that travelling to a place far from home is an opportunity for consequence-free bad behaviour. They underestimate or ignore the effect their actions can have on locals or the economy. <h2>The Instagram effect</h2> When people travel to a beautiful place, the temptation to post photos and videos to social media is high. But, as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13683500.2022.2086451">I have argued</a>, this creates a cycle that contributes to more self-indulgent travel. First, tourists see their friends post photos from a place (revealed through geotags). They then want to visit the same places and take the same sorts of photos of themselves there. Eventually they post them on the same social networks where they saw the initial photos. Being able to travel to and post about visiting the same places as one’s social group or online connections can be a form of <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10548408.2018.1499579?casa_token=mVH_AlLB_4kAAAAA%3Ahdz29HMEh5aCiK4TopW8WBS3lY2ZJ2n6CZQWhL5aH7d-ZK3lpsvUlowHtdy4Pa-e7ergNJgcGfI">social status</a>. But it means that, in some cases, travellers will put more energy into creating content than they will to exploration, discovery or being respectful to local customs. <h2>Hotspots respond</h2> Bali is one destination with a reputation for social media-induced tourism. The photogenic island, replete with yoga retreats, is a huge draw for influencers. In response to tourist misbehaviour, Bali <a href="https://thebalisun.com/balis-much-anticipated-list-of-dos-and-donts-for-tourists-revealed/">introduced new guidelines</a> for visitors in June 2023. These include rules about proper behaviour in the sacred temples, around the island and with locals, and respecting the natural environment. Tourists now need a <a href="https://thebalisun.com/bali-warns-tourists-must-have-international-driving-license-to-drive-scooters-on-the-island">licence</a> for motorbike rentals, and may not set foot on any mountain or volcano in Bali due to their sacred nature. Travellers must only stay in registered hotels and villas (which will impact a number of Airbnb properties). Bali has introduced a “tourist task force” to enforce the restrictions, through raids and investigations if necessary. One new guideline is to not act aggressively or use harsh words towards locals, government officials or other tourists both while in Bali, or, notably, online. This speaks to the role of social media as part of the problem when it comes to bad tourist behaviour. Other destinations have taken similar steps. <a href="https://pledge.visiticeland.com">Iceland</a>, <a href="https://mauitourism.org/Videos/malama-pledge.htm">Hawaii</a>, <a href="https://palaupledge.com">Palau</a>, <a href="https://www.tiakinewzealand.com">New Zealand</a>, <a href="https://costarica-sanctuary.com/make-it-happen/">Costa Rica</a> and others have adopted pledges for visitors to abide by local laws and customs. Campaigns like Switzerland’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXcBGfXXL4w">No Drama</a>, Austria’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgn3Y7kvJXE">See Vienna – not #Vienna</a>, Finland’s <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2019/oct/17/finland-be-more-like-finn-campaign-tourism-pledge-initiatives">Be more like a Finn</a> and the Netherlands’ <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/dariosabaghi/2023/03/31/amsterdam-launches-stay-away-campaign-targeting-wild-party-behavior-of-young-british-tourists/">How to Amsterdam</a> are aimed at attracting well-behaved tourists. Where such efforts aren’t successful, some places such as Thailand’s famous Maya Bay have taken it further and fully closed to tourists, <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/maya-bay-thailand-recovery-c2e-spc-intl/index.html">at least temporarily</a>. <h2>Travel respectfully</h2> Remember you are a guest of the host communities when you travel. Here are some ways to ensure that you will be asked back. 1. Do your research Even if you’re a seasoned traveller, you may not realise the impact your actions have on local communities. But a bit of information – from your own research or provided by local governments – might be enough to help you act more appropriately. Before you go, look up guidelines or background information on local cultural or safety norms. Whether you agree with the customs or not is irrelevant. If it is a more conservative place than you are used to, you should be mindful of that – unlike the two influencers who were <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/08/16/bali-warns-misbehaving-tourists-will-sent-home-instagram-influencers/">arrested</a> for explicit behaviour in a temple in Bali. 2. Put down your phone… Research shows that when travelling, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S016073831730097X">people can become alienated</a> from their surroundings if they are more focused on their devices than the destination. Often the most memorable travel experiences will be when you have a meaningful connection with someone, or learn something new that you’ve never experienced before. That becomes harder if you’re constantly looking at your phone. 3. …or use your influence for good In popular “Instagram v reality” <a href="https://matadornetwork.com/read/instagram-vs-reality-tuscany-switzerland/">posts</a>, influencers are revealing the huge crowds and queues behind the most Instagrammable locations. Showing the less-than-glamorous conditions behind those iconic shots could influence your own social media connections to rethink their personal travel motivations – are they just going somewhere to get the perfect selfie? Having more evidence of these conditions circulating online could lead to a larger societal shift away from social media-induced tourism. If you have the urge to post, try to promote smaller businesses and make sure you are demonstrating proper (and legal) etiquette on your holiday.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209272/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-a-siegel-1416907">Lauren A. Siegel</a>, Lecturer, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-greenwich-1298">University of Greenwich</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/instagram-is-making-you-a-worse-tourist-heres-how-to-travel-respectfully-209272">original article</a>.

Travel Tips

Reviled, reclaimed and respected: the history of the word ‘queer’

Recently, a number of people have questioned or critiqued the use of the word “queer” to describe LGBTIQA+ folk. One <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jan/13/please-dont-use-the-q-word?utm_term=Autofeed&CMP=twt_gu&utm_medium&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1673635001">writer to the Guardian</a> claimed that the “q-word” was as derogatory and offensive as the “n-word”, and should not be used. While there is a clear history of the word being used in aggressive and insulting ways, the meaning(s) and uses of queer have never been singular, simple or stable. <h2>The origin of the word ‘queer’</h2> Queer is a word of uncertain origin that had entered the English language by the early 16th century, when it was primarily used to mean strange, odd, peculiar or eccentric. By the late 19th century it was <a href="https://www.oah.org/tah/issues/2019/may/queer-history/#:%7E:text=Up%20through%20the%20nineteenth%20century,columns%20to%20private%20epistolary%20speculation.">being used</a> colloquially to refer to same-sex attracted men. While this usage was frequently derogatory, queer was simultaneously used in neutral and affirming ways. The examples <a href="https://www-oed-com.ez.library.latrobe.edu.au/view/Entry/156235">provided in the Oxford English Dictionary</a> show this semantic range, including instances of homosexual men using queer as a positive self-description at the same time as it was being used in the most insulting terms. Compare the neutral:“Fourteen young men were invited […] with the premise that they would have the opportunity of meeting some of the prominent ‘queers’” (1914); the insulting: “fairies, pansies, and queers conducted […] lewd practices” (1936); and self-affirmed uses: “young men who call themselves ‘queers’” (1952). In the 1960s and 1970s, as sexual and gender minorities fought for civil rights and promoted new ways of being in society, we also sought new names for ourselves. Gay liberationists began to reclaim queer from its earlier hurtful usages, <a href="https://outhistory.org/files/original/f6d46c5d90761e3a66edcd4fe32a6785.pdf">chanting</a> “out of the closets, into the streets” and singing “we’re here because we’re queer”. Their <a href="https://outhistory.org/exhibits/show/come-out-magazine-1969-1972/the-come-out-archive">newsletters from the time</a> reveal sustained questioning of the words, labels and politics of naming that lesbian and gay people could and should use about themselves. Some gay libbers even wanted to <a href="https://outhistory.org/files/original/3809edc277d5dbfd51f8883422e761b7.pdf">cancel the word homosexual</a> because they felt it limited their potential and “prescribes a whole system of behaviour […] which has nothing to do with my day-to-day living”. In Australia, camp was briefly the most common label that lesbian women and gay men used to describe themselves, before gay became more prominent, used at that time by both homosexual men and women. <h2>The evolving use of the word queer</h2> In the early 1990s, gay had come to be used more typically to refer to gay men. Respectful and inclusive standards of language evolved to “lesbian and gay”, and then “LGBT”, as bisexuals and transgender people sought greater recognition. Queer began to be used in a different way again: not as a synonym for gay, but as a critical and political identity that challenged normative ideas about sexuality and gender. <a href="https://guides.libraries.indiana.edu/c.php?g=995240&p=8361766">Queer theory</a> drew on <a href="https://www.thoughtco.com/social-constructionism-4586374">social constructionism</a> – the theory that people develop knowledge of the world in a social context – to critique the idea any sexuality or gender identity was normal or natural. This showed how particular norms of sexuality and gender were historically contingent. Thinkers such as Michel Foucault, Michael Warner, Judith Butler, Eve Kosofsky Sedgewick and Lauren Berlant were enormously influential in the development of this new idea of queer. Some people began to identify as queer in the critical sense, not as a synonym for a stable gender or sexual identity, but to indicate a non-conforming gender or sexual identity. Activists in groups such as <a href="http://queernation.org/">Queer Nation</a> also used queer in this critical sense as part of their more assertive, anti-assimilationist political actions. <h2>Queer as an umbrella term</h2> From the early 2000s, it became more common to use queer as an umbrella term that was inclusive of the spectrum of sexual and gender identities represented in the LGBTIQA+ acronym. Today, queer is included among the terms lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, gender diverse, intersex, asexual, <a href="https://junkee.com/brotherboy-sistergirl-decolonise-gender/262222">brotherboy and sistergirl</a>, <a href="https://www.stylemanual.gov.au/accessible-and-inclusive-content/inclusive-language/gender-and-sexual-diversity">recognised in style guides</a> as the most respectful and inclusive way to refer to people with diverse sexualities and genders. Of course, the different usages and meaning of words such as queer have often overlapped and have been hotly contested. Historical usages and associations persist and can sit uncomfortably next to contemporary reclamations. <h2>Queer as a slur?</h2> Contemporary concerns with queer’s historical use as a slur seem odd to me. The heritage report <a href="https://queerarchives.org.au/heritage-100/">A History of LGBTIQ+ Victoria in 100 Places and Objects</a> (which I co-authored), surveys the complexity of language use in historical and contemporary society. It is notable that almost all of the words that LGBTIQA+ people use to describe ourselves today have been reclaimed from homophobic or transphobic origins. In fact, it could be said that liberating words from non-affirming religious, clinical or colloquial contexts and giving them our own meanings is one of the defining characteristics of LGBTIQA+ history. While queer does have a history of being used as an insult, that has never been its sole meaning. Same-sex attracted and gender diverse folks have taken the word and have been ascribing it with better meanings for at least the past 50 years. Queer’s predominant use today is as an affirming term that is inclusive of all people in the rainbow acronym. At a time when trans and gender diverse folk are facing particularly harsh attacks, I’m all for efforts to promote inclusion and solidarity. Respectful language use doesn’t require us to cancel queer, but rather to be mindful of its history and how that history is experienced by our readers and listeners. Image credits: Getty Images This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/reviled-reclaimed-and-respected-the-history-of-the-word-queer-197533" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.

Art

"Last great journey": Queen’s coffin arrives in Edinburgh

Queen Elizabeth II's coffin arrived in Edinburgh on Sunday following a six-hour journey from her summer home in the Scottish Highlands. Her solemn arrival was greeted by thousands of people at the city's Royal Mile; Her Majesty's body will remain there for two days to allow people to pay their final respects. The queen's daughter Anne and her sons, Princes Andrew and Edward, curtsied and bowed as the coffin was carried inside by soldiers from the Royal Regiment of Scotland. This is just ahead of the Queen’s state funeral at Westminster Abbey in London on September 19. Following her <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/queen-elizabeth-ii-dead-at-96" target="_blank" rel="noopener">death</a>, the Queen's son, King Charles III, spoke of her long 70-year reign. "Her dedication and devotion as Sovereign never wavered, through times of change and progress, through times of joy and celebration, and through times of sadness and loss,” he said. He also spoke about looking forward to following in his mother’s footsteps. "It will no longer be possible for me to give so much of my time and energies to the charities and issues for which I care so deeply,” King Charles III continued. "But I know this important work will go on in the trusted hands of others. "And to my darling Mama, as you begin your last great journey to join my dear late Papa, I want simply to say this: Thank you. "Thank you for your love and devotion to our family and to the family of nations you have served so diligently all these years. "May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." Images: Getty

International Travel

Safe, respected and free from violence: preventing violence against women in the Northern Territory

The Northern Territory has the <a href="https://territoryfamilies.nt.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0006/464775/Domestic,-Family-and-Sexual-Violence-Reduction-Framework.pdf">highest rates</a> of domestic, family, and sexual violence in Australia. Aboriginal women in the Northern Territory are among the most <a href="https://territoryfamilies.nt.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0006/464775/Domestic,-Family-and-Sexual-Violence-Reduction-Framework.pdf">victimised groups</a> of people in the entire world. Programs and services in the Northern Territory attempting to address these unacceptable levels of violence must do so with little support and funding. <a href="https://www.anrows.org.au/project/safe-respected-and-free-from-violence-an-evaluation-of-primary-prevention-projects/">A recent report</a> evaluated two community projects that aim to prevent violence against women by changing attitudes towards women and girls. It found these Indigenous-led community projects were having some success in helping to shift attitudes about gender stereotypes. <h2>Community-driven prevention projects</h2> The Tangentyere women’s group, a group of senior Aboriginal women from Alice Springs town camps that campaigns against family violence, has run two prevention projects that were recently evaluated: <a href="https://www.tangentyere.org.au/girls-can-boys-can">Girls Can Boys Can</a> and <a href="https://www.italkstudios.com.au/oldwaysarestrong/">Old Ways Are Strong</a>. These projects aimed to increase positive strength-based representations of Aboriginal children and families. Both of these projects were developed in partnership between the <a href="https://www.tangfamilyviolenceprevention.com.au/">Tangentyere Family Violence Prevention Program</a>, Larapinta Child and Family Centre, and iTalk Studio. The projects were also co-designed with Town Campers in Mparntwe/Alice Springs. These prevention projects focused on the drivers of violence against Aboriginal women, such as: • gendered factors, including gender inequality • the impacts of colonisation on Aboriginal people, families and communities • the power imbalance between non-Indigenous people and Aboriginal people, including systemic and structural inequalities. Girls Can Boys Can developed gender-equitable messaging and resources for early childhood educators to be used in classroom and playgroup settings. This messaging aimed to help structure conversations around gender equality and challenge gender stereotypes. Old Ways Are Strong developed animations to challenge the racist attitude that violence is a part of traditional Aboriginal cultures. The messages and resources from these projects were distributed throughout the community through workshops, merchandise and posters, as well as across social media and local television networks. <h2>How the programs were evaluated</h2> <a href="https://www.anrows.org.au/project/safe-respected-and-free-from-violence-an-evaluation-of-primary-prevention-projects/">The evaluation</a> of these programs involved 60 surveys with local community members and 16 interviews with project staff. There were also 110 social media surveys, 18 animation audience surveys and 36 training feedback surveys. The data from the surveys and interviews was compared to the data collected before the projects began (the baseline) to see whether they had any impact on people’s attitudes, beliefs and/or knowledge about gender, violence and Aboriginal cultures. These are three key findings: 1. Violence prevention staff lacks training and funding The evaluation showed workforce capacity grew considerably through the projects. Most project staff were early childhood educators or working in learning centres, while some worked in specialist domestic, family, and sexual violence services. Staff knowledge about violence against women, its drivers, and how to prevent it increased dramatically through their work on the projects. However, the evaluation also found Northern Territory primary prevention work (which focuses on the causes of violence) receives limited funding, and there is also no funding for the workforce itself. As a result, the staff do this prevention work on top of their usual roles. They were continuing to teach their classes or support women experiencing violence, while also planning and delivering primary prevention workshops. As an analogy, this is akin to a doctor in the emergency department dealing with car crash casualties while also producing resources that explain the importance of wearing a seat belt. The project staff essentially learned about violence prevention on the job. They received little or no prior training and received no support outside of the partner organisations. They also reported high levels of burnout and vicarious trauma, and felt unsupported in their primary prevention work. One key participant reflected: <blockquote> That’s generally how the roles transpire is that you do end up in a crisis response mode, rather than being given the tools to (actually do) that work. </blockquote> 2. Explicit direct messaging could shift people’s attitudes A small number of the survey participants, who were mostly from Alice Springs Town Camps, were surveyed at the beginning and end of the evaluation. Although the sample size was small, there was a shift in their attitudes towards gender roles. In the baseline survey, the respondents said things such as “girls can’t play footy” or “boys can’t cry”. In the survey at the end, 90% of the respondents demonstrated at least one positive shift toward the idea that girls/women and boys/men can do the same things. The most positive changes were found among respondents who had a high level of participation in the projects. This perhaps shows repeated and intensive messaging is needed for messages to resonate among people. 3. How ‘jealousing’ is used to justify violence The surveys also showed a high proportion of respondents justified violence against women in certain situations (44% in the baseline group, and 52% in the post-project group). It’s important to note these groups were made up of mostly different people. The justification of violence was linked to jealousy or “jealousing”. Respondents were more likely to justify violence in cases or situations associated with real or imagined sexual misconduct, for example, if a woman comes home late or looks at another man. Said one participant: <blockquote> It’s not alright (to use violence), but a lot of (jealous violence) does happen. A woman shouldn’t be texting another man if they have feelings for her. </blockquote> The surveys showed how this concept of “jealousing” plays out in gendered ways. For men in particular, perceived sexual entitlement might play a role in justifying violence and coercive and controlling behaviour. Although the projects were not targeted at the problem of “jealousing”, this finding could provide direction for future work. <h2>How can we improve violence prevention programs?</h2> The evaluation showed the importance of explicit and direct messaging – or “talking straight” as it’s called in Central Australia. Messaging about gender-based violence that was implied but not explicitly stated had less of an impact. In future projects, explicit and accessible messaging should be used to challenge highly entrenched attitudes and beliefs, such as the misconception that traditional Aboriginal cultures condone violence against women. The link between “jealousing” and justification of violence highlighted the need for education about healthy relationships in schools and communities. Explicit messaging must challenge the notion that possessiveness is “normal”, acceptable or even “desirable” in a partner. This is one of the most important and urgent issues for the domestic, family, and sexual violence sector to tackle in the Northern Territory. Funding for dedicated primary prevention workers is also important. These workers need a commitment from different levels of government to adequately fund, resource, and support their work.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/172243/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/chay-brown-1252113">Chay Brown</a>, Research and Partnerships Manager, The Equality Institute, & Postdoctoral fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-national-university-877">Australian National University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/carmel-simpson-1292133">Carmel Simpson</a>, Co-coordinator of Tangentyere Women’s Family Safety Group, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/indigenous-knowledge-4846">Indigenous Knowledge</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shirleen-campbell-1292134">Shirleen Campbell</a>, Co-coordinator of Tangentyere Women’s Family Safety Group, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/indigenous-knowledge-4846">Indigenous Knowledge</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/safe-respected-and-free-from-violence-preventing-violence-against-women-in-the-northern-territory-172243">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

"Respect your partner": Man criticised for rant about wife

A husband who has been working from home during the COVID-19 pandemic has been slammed online for complaining about his stay-at-home wife. He took to Reddit to say that his spouse isn't keeping their toddler twins quiet while he's working. “So as many of you have been doing in these times, I’m currently doing work from home,” the husband said. “I have a wife and two toddlers (twins). I need silence to work and I don’t have a home office. “It has been slowly ****ing me off because I am working hours and I hear noises such as my wife talking, watching TV, kids playing from the other room. “I have been VERY patient with them telling more than once that I need 100% silence to focus but even if they are trying to be ‘quiet’ I still hear some noises (kids, walking around, making food, cleaning etc).” The rant went up to another level, as he said that the "least they (his family) can give me is peace and quiet while I do my job". “I got fed up with it and told my wife off, I’m the one working in this family and paying for everything,” he said. “The least they can give me is peace and quiet while I do my job. “My wife is a stay-at-home mum and it’s her job to be silent and shut the kids up. “If I don’t have complete silence, I cannot work and therefore could lose my job. “My wife on the other hand doesn’t appreciate any of it. When I wasn’t working from home, she would ask me to do chores after work and take care of the kids when I am obviously very tired and needing to wind down and relax for the night. “Then when I’m off on the weekend, I’m still expected to help out. “I would remind her that that’s her job as a stay-at-home mum, but she refuses to listen to me because ‘it’s my kids and my home too’.” People were already irritated with the anonymous man's claims, saying that they wanted to help out the mother. "How do I divorce her husband for her?" one user joked. However, things got worse as the husband claimed he was being disrespected in their marriage. “It hurts that she doesn’t appreciate how hard I work or my feelings. I do my part by supporting this family financially, if it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t have a roof over our heads or food to eat,” he said. “But despite me voicing my feelings she not only has the nerve to disturb my work but also expects me to work more afterwards. “My wife is angry at me and refuses to back down. The worst part? She claimed that I don’t appreciate her. “I work very hard and I feel like I deserve to have my feelings considered.” The man was met with a wall of criticism from disbelieving Reddit and Facebook users. "You sound like you don't appreciate your wife at all," one user said bluntly. "Remember that you get breaks from your paid work; your wife gets none from her unpaid work. What kind of AH expects complete silence from toddlers?" "You have two jobs - one of them is being a parent," another pointed out. "So yep, when you're not doing your other job, that's when parenting comes into play. It doesn't sound like you appreciate her at all." "Get some sound proof headphones and respect your PARTNER. Notice, I say partner, not slave or maid." “I’ve never met a toddler who could be silent EVER! Let alone two. Let alone for months on end. Dude must be crazy,” said another.

Family & Pets

“Wakanda forever”: Marvel stars pay respect to lost superstar Chadwick Boseman

Many members of the Marvel family have paid their respects following the crushing news that Chadwick Boseman, superhero actor, has died at age 43. The talented performer portrayed T’Challa in the groundbreaking film Black Panther. “It is with immeasurable grief that we confirm the passing of Chadwick Boseman,” the family said in a statement on Friday. “Chadwick was diagnosed with stage III colon cancer in 2016 and battled with it these last four years as it progressed to stage IV. A true fighter, Chadwick persevered through it all, and brought you many of the films you have come to love so much. “From Marshall to Da 5 Bloods, August Wilson’s Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom and several more, all were filmed during and between countless surgeries and chemotherapy. It was the honor of his career to bring King T’Challa to life in Black Panther.” The statement finished: “He died in his home, with his wife and family by his side.” Over the years, Boseman has made his mark by appearing in multiple Avengers films, making his debut as Black Panther in 2016’s Captain America: Civil War. Two years later, the remarkable thespian led in his own groundbreaking film, Black Panther, before finally appearing in Avengers: Infinity War. In 2019, Black Panther made a cameo in Avengers: End Game. Black Panther achieved its own incredible feats just on its own however, including the SAG Award for Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture. The 42 star took the stage to say: “I think of two questions we have received: 1.) Did we know that this movie was going to receive this kind of response? 2.) Has it changed the industry? “My answer to that is to be young, gifted and Black. We all know what it’s like to be told that there’s not a place for you to be featured. “We know what it’s like to be told that there’s not a screen for you to be featured on — a stage for you to be featured on.” He finished by saying: “We know what it’s like to be the tail and not the head. We know what it’s like to be beneath and not above, and that is what we went to work with every day because we know that had something special that we wanted to give the world — that we could be full human beings in the roles that we were playing. “That we could create a world that exemplified a world we wanted to see.” Following his death, the cast of Black Panther and other Avengers cast members shared their thoughts on social media. Chris Evans took to Instagram on Saturday to honour the actor. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEdTxJWFYoD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEdTxJWFYoD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Chris Evans (@chrisevans)</a> on Aug 28, 2020 at 8:21pm PDT </div> </blockquote> target="_blank">https://www.instagram.com/p/CEdTxJWFYoD/ “I’m absolutely devastated. This is beyond heartbreaking. Chadwick was special,” he said. “A true original. He was a deeply committed and constantly curious artist. Few performers have such power and versatility. He had so much amazing work still left to create. I’m endlessly grateful for our friendship. My thoughts and prayers are with his family. Rest in power, King.” Jake Gyllenhaal also took to social media to share his condolences, writing: “Chadwick’s strength and goodness and honesty burned in his eyes. We only spent a handful of hours together, but anyone that crossed paths with him on or off screen knows what I mean: he was rare. The genuine article. His bravery is a lesson to us all. Rest In Peace, Mr. Boseman. You will be deeply missed.” <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEfKmbHHHPf/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEfKmbHHHPf/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Jake Gyllenhaal (@jakegyllenhaal)</a> on Aug 29, 2020 at 1:40pm PDT </div> </blockquote> Captain Marvel’s Brie Lawson said Chadwick would “never be forgotten” in a heartfelt post. “Chadwick was someone who radiated power and peace,” she began. “Who stood for so much more than himself. Who took the time to really see how you were doing and gave words of encouragement when you felt unsure. I’m honored to have the memories I have. The conversations, the laughter. My heart is with you and your family. You will be missed and never forgotten. Rest in power and peace my friend.” <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEdRs2wDXFD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEdRs2wDXFD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Brie (@brielarson)</a> on Aug 28, 2020 at 8:03pm PDT </div> </blockquote> “This hurts. Really hurts,” Boseman’s Black Panther costar, Letitia Wright, tweeted. <div class="gallerydata update" data-aop="galleryflex_slidedata"> <div class="show"> <div class="body-text"> <div class="expand"> <div class="caption"> <div class="gallery-caption-text"> Scarlett Johansson said in a statement: “Chadwick was not only a deeply soulful and powerful actor, but he was such a kind, thoughtful, funny and gentle person.” “He brightened everyone’s day every time he walked into our hair and makeup trailer or on set with his beautiful smile. </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> Robert Downey Jr. shared a heartfelt Instagram post, writing: “Mr. Boseman leveled the playing field while fighting for his life… That’s heroism… I’ll remember the good times, the laughter, and the way he changed the game… #chadwickforever." “Today is beyond devastating to comprehend. Just shock and pain," Sebastian Stan said. <div class="gallerydata update" data-aop="galleryflex_slidedata"> <div class="show"> <div class="body-text"> <div class="expand"> <div class="caption"> <div class="gallery-caption-text"> "I was in awe of Chadwick, as an actor, in his commitment to the work and as a human. “I looked up to him. The way he carried himself, how thoughtful and mindful he was, how generous…he elevated everyone around him. None of it makes sense to me. There was so much more coming from this man. It’s such a loss. Such a shame.” </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="stb-flex" data-stickyviews="4" data-stickytopmargin="20"> <div id="content-actions-toolbar-vert" data-documentid="BB18ug5J" data-isrsthree="False" data-verticalkey="entertainment"> <div class="contentActionsToolbar-DS-unknown1-1 contentActionsToolbar_vertical-DS-unknown1-1"> <div data-t="{"i":"1|1"}"> Hulk actor Mark Ruffalo shared his own words about the heartbreaking loss: “All I have to say is the tragedies amassing this year have only been made more profound by the loss of #ChadwickBoseman. “What a man, and what an immense talent. Brother, you were one of the all time greats and your greatness was only beginning. Lord love ya. Rest in power, King.” </div> </div> </div> </div> Additionally, the DC Comics Twitter account — DC is the famous Marvel rival — tweeted a powerful statement. “To a hero who transcends universes. Wakanda Forever,” the statement read. “Rest in Power Chadwick.”

Movies

Honesty is the best policy? Research reveals when people are most likely to return a lost wallet

According to classic economic theory, if you find a wallet on the street and find money in the wallet, your self interest in keeping the cash is likely to override the more honest behaviour of returning the wallet. However, new research in 40 countries has found that people are more honest than they think, at least when it comes to returning money to strangers. A study of 17,000 “lost” wallets in 355 cities revealed that people are more likely to return a wallet if it had money in it than when it was empty. The study also found that if there was more money in the wallet, the more likely people were to return the wallet. The study was published in the journal <a href="https://science.sciencemag.org/lookup/doi/10.1126/science.aau8712">Science</a> said that a team of people handed in wallets that they claimed to find on the street in front of major institutions, such as banks or post offices. The wallets contained no money, or the equivalent of US$13.45 in local currency, a grocery list and three identical business cards in the local language which made it possible to return the wallet. In 38 out of 40 countries, people were more likely to return the money if it has money in it. "This is something we didn't expect," said behavioural economist Alain Cohn of the University of Michigan to the <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2019-06-21/people-are-more-likely-to-return-a-wallet-if-it-has-money-in-it/11227766">ABC.</a> Dr Cohn said that there were two factors to explain the findings. "One is altruism — where you care about the other person even though they are a stranger." The second finding is that people didn’t like to view themselves as dishonest. "They said the more money in the wallet, the more they would feel like a thief if they didn't return it," he said. "The larger the amount of money, the more worried you are about your self-image — the more difficult it is to convince yourself that you're still a good person."

Money & Banking

Rafael Nadal completely blindsided after Kyrgios loss: "He lacks respect"

Tennis champion Rafael Nadal has delivered a harsh reality check to Nick Kyrgios, saying he “lacks respect” after the Australian 23-year-old beat the world number two at the Mexico Open. Putting on his best performance in two years, Kyrgios saved three match points to register a 3-6, 7-6 (7/2), 7-6 (8/6) win. But controversy seems to follow the young Aussie athlete wherever he goes, and this time was no exception, as what was considered a monumental moment in his career was soon drowned out by Nadal’s comments in the media conference that took place after the match. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BucKxQsgz9j/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_medium=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BucKxQsgz9j/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_medium=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Somos Tênis (@somostenisbr)</a> on Feb 28, 2019 at 1:13pm PST </div> </blockquote> “He’s a player who has enormous talent, could be winning grand slams or fighting for the number one ranking,” Nadal said in Spanish. “He lacks respect for the crowd, his opponent and towards himself.” He then continued saying: “I don’t think he’s a bad guy, but he lacks a little respect for the public and the rival.” The Spaniard’s frustration came after several flashpoints which occurred during the match. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet tw-align-center" data-lang="en-gb"> Just. Wow. 👀<a href="https://twitter.com/NickKyrgios?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@NickKyrgios</a> produces a moment of magic in Acapulco 🔥<a href="https://twitter.com/AbiertoTelcel?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@AbiertoTelcel</a> <a href="https://t.co/oOnIa5Y1mg">pic.twitter.com/oOnIa5Y1mg</a> — Tennis TV (@TennisTV) <a href="https://twitter.com/TennisTV/status/1100956334655242240?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">28 February 2019</a></blockquote> During the first set, Kyrgios seemed to not be taking the game seriously, and even toyed with the idea of pulling out of the match. “I feel sick … if I forfeit, the media will blow it up … I’ll be booed off the court,” said Kyrgios during the set. “I’m going to try to play a couple of more games.” The Aussie star then received a warning after he told the crowd to “shut up” and was caught swearing. Nadal seemed to be growing increasingly frustrated at his opponent, as Kyrgios lodged a complaint to the umpire, saying the 32-year-old was taking too long in between points when Kyrgios was serving. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BubonmbgbLK/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_medium=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BubonmbgbLK/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_medium=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Tennis News (@thetennisreport)</a> on Feb 28, 2019 at 8:14am PST </div> </blockquote> But despite the bitter feud, Kyrgios put on a show and saved nine break points throughout the match, including a comeback from 0-40 in the final two sets. This was considered Kyrgios’ best win since the Cincinnati Masters in 2017, when he beat Nadal for the first time in a quarter-final. Do you agree with Nadal’s comments? Let us know in the comments below.

News

Helping ageing parents with love and respect

It’s hard watching your parents lose the skills to take care of themselves. It might start when they need a hand to look after their pool or garden. Then it might come a time when they can’t manage the vacuuming or driving their car. And while it may be tempting to just step in and do the tasks yourself, or pay someone to do it, there is still a need to respect your elders and not step on their toes. You might also find that their feelings would be hurt if they felt that you were taking over or being condescending. If you want to help out, there are some more gentle approaches that you can take. 1. Ask first before you help You could say something like “I’ve been thinking about setting up online shopping for myself, and thought I could get your groceries for you too if you were interested?” 2. Mention a friend in a similar situation Try something like “Aunty Kath is getting someone in to help her with her garden. Is that something you would be keen to investigate too?” 3. Work together instead of taking over Try this “Next time I come over, I thought we could sit down and go through all of those bills you need to pay. Perhaps I could help you set up online banking so that you don’t need to go to the post office?” 4. Be available but give space “I can drop you off to your dental appointment, and then wait for you in the waiting room in case you need me. Maybe we could grab some afternoon tea afterwards?” Have you got any tips for helping ageing parents in a respectful way? We would love to hear your advice in the comments.

Caring

How to disagree agreeably

A disagreement doesn’t have to devolve into an unsightly argument. Here’s how to disagree with respect. 1. Be calm This is the most important thing you can do in a situation like this. A disagreement, even a simple one, can quickly cause emotions to become charged. That’s when you will start yelling, levelling insults and generally getting worked up. Take a deep breath, clear your mind and focus on what it is you want to say. 2. Stick to the facts A respectful disagreement is one that focuses on logic, not emotion. Place your emphasis on reasoning and facts rather than straying into subjective territory. You will also need to make sure your facts are correct, so be wary of taking someone to task on rumours or hearsay. 3. Be respectful A disagreement is never one sided, so you will need to listen to the other person’s side of the story. If they feel that you are genuinely listening to them and hearing their opinion, they will be more likely to think favourably of your argument. And it goes without saying that yelling, threats and foul language are always off limits. 4. Use “I” rather than “you” A simple language trick will prevent you from sounding too accusatory and confrontational. Try saying “I feel hurt when…” instead of saying “You hurt me when…” This should prevent the other person from being on the defensive while still allowing you to express how you feel. 5. Don't try to win The aim here should be to clear the air and reach a mutually agreeable resolution, not to score points. Try to focus on understanding what the other person has to say and getting your point across clearly. That way, you can clear the air and everyone can move forward feeling happy with the resolution. 6. Pick your battles Disagreement is a part of life, so don’t feel the need to go into battle every time you have a difference of opinion. Take stock and decide if this issue is something that you really care about or if it would be easier for everyone if you just let it go. Sometimes silence is the best option for everyone. How do you handle disagreements with respect? Share your advice in the comments below. Looking for love – or perhaps you just want to meet some new people? <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/301420739;128433504;u" target="_blank">Why not sign up at RSVP today by clicking here… You never know who is just around the corner.</a>

Relationships

Kind-hearted young man escorts terrified 96-year-old woman home

A young man has come to the aid of a 96-year-old woman who was left clinging to a lamp post in the middle of a storm. UK real estate agent Dan Barnett noticed from his office window a terrified woman clinging for dear life to a lamp post in 60mph (97kmph) winds. Storm Doris swept the UK with winds up to 94mph (151kmph). The 25-year-old immediately went to her assistance and escorted the woman back home. Dan told MailOnline: “Our office overlooks the high street and I saw the lady clinging on so I rushed out to help. “I said ‘are you alright? do you need a hand?’ and her eyes lit up as she said ‘yes please’. “She told me her name was Joanie and she'd only popped out for a pint of milk and some Werther's Originals but she got out of breath in the wind.” <img width="427" height="349" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/02/24/09/3D9AD9A500000578-4255660-image-m-11_1487929538051.jpg" alt="Mr Barnett added: 'She said three people had walked past without helping her so I offered to walk her to her cottage five minutes away'" class="blkBorder img-share b-loaded" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" id="i-d40d3bb4da078a46"/> Dan said Joanie clutched the post because she was fearful she would be blown into the road. “She said three people had walked past without helping her so I offered to walk her to her cottage five minutes away. “She said she wouldn't have got home without me but I was just happy to help out.” <img width="405" height="342" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/02/24/09/3D9B2C9500000578-4255660-image-m-13_1487930368261.jpg" alt="Saviour: Today Joanie (right) visited HML Shaw estate agents to give Mr Barnett (left) a box of chocolates to say thank you for helping her out" class="blkBorder img-share b-loaded" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" id="i-2194535feb9538a2"/> Joanie soon repaid the favour, visiting the estate agent in his office to personally deliver Dan a box of chocolates. Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/retirement-life/2017/02/bride-asks-92-year-old-grandmother-to-be-her-bridesmaid/">Bride asks 92-year-old grandmother to be her bridesmaid</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/retirement-life/2017/02/seniors-perform-carpool-karaoke/">Young-at-heart seniors perform hilarious carpool karaoke</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/retirement-life/2017/02/elderly-couple-celebrates-76-years-together/">Adorable couple in their 90s celebrate 76 years together</a>

Retirement Life

8 commandments for loving yourself

If you’re looking for the magic bullet to happiness, it can be found within. By loving yourself unconditionally, many of life’s problems fall away. Sound too simple? Maybe it is, but it works. Many people find that when they give themselves a break and take time to look after themselves, they find they have enough money, they are surrounded by good people, and they start achieving whatever they set their mind to. Here’s how it’s done. 1. Turn off the negative inner voice If you give yourself a hard time about the state of your thighs, or you keep telling yourself that you don’t deserve the job you have or the happiness that you enjoy – you will start to believe that you aren’t worthy. Turn this around by flipping the negative voice on its head. You are enough. You are strong and capable. Then you can start to believe it. 2. Let go of past hurts Holding onto pain from the past doesn’t get you anywhere. Accept that you made the best of your situation and know that with your greater knowledge from the experience you have become a better person. 3. Stop worrying If you lie awake at night worrying about all the terrible things that could happen, you are wasting precious time. Worrying doesn’t solve any problems, it only creates more. So spend time thinking about your life and what you need to do to improve it, but don’t agonise over the small details. 4. Treat yourself like a friend You wouldn’t tell your friend that they were hopeless or incompetent, so don’t say it to yourself either. Being patient and kind with yourself is a gentle way towards loving yourself. 5. Accept help and support We can accomplish so much more as a group, so don’t be shy about reaching out to others to seek (and offer) help. It shows that you are strong enough to know your own weaknesses. 6. Be aware of old habits So much of what we do each day is based on habit. But just because you’ve always eaten junk food or smoked too much doesn’t mean it needs to continue. Give yourself time to work on kicking any bad habits to put you in a healthier state. 7. Start moving Find an activity that you enjoy that will encourage you to exercise regularly without it becoming a chore. Learn to see exercise as a way to improve your mental health as well as your physical self. 8. Add some fun to your life Think about the things that make you happy, and compare this to a list of things that you do regularly. Be sure that your life includes some fun as this keeps you young at heart and in a positive frame of mind. When you smile, you bring love and warmth into your life. Have you got any more tips for Over60 readers who want to enjoy the benefits that come from self-love? We would love to hear your ideas in the comments. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/08/ways-to-be-happier-and-why-your-relationship-depends-on-it/">25 ways to be happier (and why your relationship depends on it)</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/08/how-to-tell-people-about-your-divorce/">How to tell people about your divorce</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/08/why-some-people-take-breakups-harder-than-others/">Why some people take breakups harder than others</a>

Relationships

4 things Indians can teach us about ageing

Given the high rate of ageism in our society, it’s safe to say New Zealand needs to up its game in the age-friendly stakes. Maybe, then, we should look to another culture to inspire us on our way to improving the lives of elderly people in our own – specifically, India. Here are four things we think New Zealand needs to learn from one of the most respectful cultures on earth. <ol> <li>Family is number one – Indians typically live with many members of their family and extended family, where a son moves into the home with his bride when he marries. As we’ve <a href="/health/caring/2016/07/programs-connecting-aged-care-patients-and-children/" target="_blank">explained previously</a>, this type of intergenerational living is a fantastic way to provide mutual care for the elderly as well as the younger members of the family.</li> <li>Respect is not a question – like most Asian cultures, elderly members of Indian families are respected without question. They have lived long lives, experienced more and have the most wisdom to give so are viewed as reliable sources of advice and knowledge.</li> <li>Children have a duty to their parents – instead of shuffling their mum and dad off to a retirement home, Indians (particularly sons) are brought up with the knowledge that caring for their parents is a necessity. In fact, sending one’s parents away to be cared for elsewhere is seen as incredibly disrespectful.</li> <li>Death is not to be feared – while most western countries see death as a source of great emotional agony and fear, many cultures around the world, including Indians, believe that death is not something to be afraid of. It’s just another part of life. Plus, the belief in reincarnation is a comfort to many in the country, providing everyone with an endless cycle of life and death.</li> </ol> What do you think we can do to improve respect towards one’s elders? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/90-year-old-beautiful-birthday-speech-reflecting-on-her-life/">90-year-old’s beautiful birthday speech reflecting on her life</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/poem-highlights-the-beauty-of-ageing/">Poem highlights the beauty of ageing</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/18-great-quotes-about-ageing/">18 great quotes about ageing</a>

Caring

7 cultures that celebrate the elderly

Remember when you were a kid and your parents (or possibly a cheeky older sibling) would remind you to “respect your elders”? Sadly, it doesn’t seem like the concept has caught on too well these days. We could certainly learn a thing or two from these 7 cultures that celebrate ageing and venerate those who have years of experience and wisdom to offer. 1. Greece Today, you may hear the term “old man” being thrown around like an insult, but in the Greek language, “Geronda” is used as a term of endearment towards abbots (and “Gerondissa” for abbesses). It’s a way of honouring their age and showing respect. 2. Native Americans Native Americans are brought up never to fear death, but rather to accept it as just another part of life. In most tribal communities which still exist around North America, the elderly are revered for their wisdom and life experiences, which they are expected to hand down to the next generation. 3. Korea Like the Chinese, Koreans often turn to the wisdom of Confucius when it comes to celebrating age. Younger members of the family are relied on to provide care to not only their elderly parents and grandparents, but all elderly people. 60th and 70th birthdays are also hugely important milestones in Korea, and are often celebrated with big parties. 4. China The Chinese believe in the tradition of “filial piety” – the Confucian concept of holding elders in high esteem. In China, respect for one’s parents is considered to be one of the most important virtues, and adult children are expected to look after their parents as they get older. In fact, placing one’s parents in a retirement home is seen as the ultimate insult. 5. India In India, the eldest members are the heads of the family. Mutual support between all generations is a given, and grandparents are hugely instrumental in shaping the lives of their grandchildren. Like in China, placing your Indian parents in a retirement home is believed to be incredibly disrespectful. 6. African Americans In a similar way to Native Americans, African Americans are taught to see death as a fact of life and not something to be feared. Most African American funerals, while sombre, are also extremely life-affirming and celebratory of life itself. 7. Ancient Rome Given that Ancient Romans rarely lived beyond the age of 25, those who managed to live into their 60s and beyond were highly esteemed for having wisdom and experience that few at the time could hope for. In the words of Cicero, who lived to 63, “there is assuredly nothing dearer to a man than wisdom, and though age takes away all else, it undoubtedly brings us that.” How do you think we can encourage today’s youth to pay their elders with more respect? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below. Related links: <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/90-year-old-beautiful-birthday-speech-reflecting-on-her-life/">90-year-old’s beautiful birthday speech reflecting on her life</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/poem-highlights-the-beauty-of-ageing/">Poem highlights the beauty of ageing</a> <a href="/health/caring/2016/06/18-great-quotes-about-ageing/">18 great quotes about ageing</a>

Caring

Is it just me or are good manners hard to find?

Rowan Rafferty and Jan Wild are a couple of baby boomers who describe themselves as rewired rather than retired; determined to grab this time of life with both hands. They blog at <a href="http://www.retirement-planning.info/" target="_blank">Retiring Not Shy</a> to inspire and encourage you to live your best possible retirement. <img width="219" height="170" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/22600/jan-and-rowan-retiring-not-shy_219x170.jpg" alt="Jan And Rowan Retiring Not Shy" style="float: left;"/> I’m annoyed… and I don’t mind saying it. Why you might ask? Well, I seem to witness a lack of manners and courtesy on a regular basis. Maybe it’s because I have been bingeing on Downton Abbey where manners are considered essential, maybe it’s because last year we spent five weeks in France where the population is predominantly polite and quite formal. Or maybe it’s because I’m getting old and grumpy. I’m not sure, but grumpy I sure as hell am. I don’t expect anyone to attend Swiss Finishing School but I do expect common courtesy to be well, common. However, it’s seemingly increasingly rare, and its absence is not confined to any particular group. Sometimes you see acts of unexpected courtesy, extended gratuitously, which warm the heart… and other times… Recently we had someone coming around, following a big and quite expensive favour we had done them. A mutually convenient time was arranged and, as is usual in our household, we prepared to make them a coffee, procured biscuits and left our work spaces to await their arrival. After 20 minutes we began to wonder if something awful had happened – otherwise surely they would have called? But no, they arrived half an hour late, with no apology and when offered coffee said “oh no we just had one”… while we were waiting for them. Fair to say it wasn’t only our coffee that was steaming. I don’t know whether it is because people think that we are retired and have plenty of time on our hands, but even if that was the case (it’s not, we both work in our businesses) it is rude and inconsiderate. Even if we were only waiting for them to arrive and then leave so we could go to the beach, it is still our time and it is valuable. <img width="524" height="295" src="http://retirement-planning.info/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Manners-800x450.jpg" alt="image" class="img-responsive" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/> I also see a lack of manners in many small ways; people starting to eat at a private dinner whilst those serving the food are still in the kitchen. Whatever happened to waiting until everyone was seated? Is that too much to ask or have they not eaten for a week and will expire if they have to wait. And don’t even start me on talking with your mouth full; I know, I know that person has something so life-changing to say and you need to hear it NOW. We love our mobile phones but taking a mobile phone call when you have been invited to dinner? Why even take your mobile unless you are in the middle of a family emergency? It can wait! And it’s not just me that is being affected. Note the recent brave act by some cafe owners who have signs up basically saying “if you are on a mobile phone, we won’t take your order”. What makes someone think that other customers should wait while they finish a conversation? I recently attended a half day photography course and not surprisingly we were asked at the beginning to turn off our mobile phones. Nothing rude about that. The amazing thing was what the course leader then told us. It seemed that in the past the request to turn off mobiles had not been made. He recounted two incidents: <ul> <li>A class attendee was (without permission) videoing the course content and told the course leader he should stop moving around so much as it was making it difficult to get the footage.</li> <li>A woman answered her phone when it rang, sat in the class room, continued her conversation and then asked the course leader to keep his voice down as she was trying to have a conversation.</li> </ul> I also recall a friend telling us that she had invited some of her friends around for a meal and when the friend arrived she was accompanied by two sons. That was fine because it was an informal meal; what was not fine was that the two young men were shirtless. Sorry, not acceptable, even at a BBQ. You notice I haven’t even begun to describe the behaviour of some on our roads. I think there is another whole post in that (but fear not, I won’t bore you on that score). So what do you think, am I just intolerant? Are we becoming a rude and inconsiderate society? What displays of poor or very good manners have you witnessed lately? This article first appeared on <a href="http://www.retirement-planning.info/" target="_blank">Retiring Not Shy</a>. Follow Rowan and Jan on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/retiringnotshy/" target="_blank">Facebook here.</a> If you have a story or opinion to share, please get in touch at <a href="mailto:melody@oversixty.com.au">melody@oversixty.com.au</a> Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2015/10/old-school-skills-that-are-dying/">6 old-schools skills that are dying</a> <a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/06/steps-to-make-friends-after-60/">3 steps to make friends after 60</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2015/07/kids-today-will-never-do/">10 things kids of today will never do</a>

Relationships

10 ways you can be a more responsible traveller

Sometimes we get so caught up in the intricacies of planning a holiday that we forget about our responsibilities as a traveller. Travelling is one of modern life’s great privileges, and we have a responsibility as travellers to look after the places we visit. Contrary to popular belief, being a responsible traveller doesn’t mean sacrificing your holiday for a lesser experience. It's about leaving as small a mark on the world as possible will help preserve these beautiful locations for generations to come. Here are 10 ways you can be a responsible traveller: 1. Once you’ve booked your trip, try to learn as much as you can about the culture, religion and values of the place you’ll be visiting. This will ensure that you don’t make the mistake of rocking up to the destination and make a <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/travel-tips/2016/02/cultural-mistakes-we-make-overseas/" target="_blank">massive cultural faux pas</a>. 2. If you’re headed to a non-English speaking country, try to read up on a bit of the native language. While there’s no need to become fluent, getting your head around a few basic phrases is a mark of respect that will show the locals you’re trying. 3. When you’re making purchases, try to buy local wherever possible. Spending your money in local shops, markets, restaurants, hotels and businesses ensures your tourism dollars are having a direct, positive impact. 4. Try to avoid activities and experiences, if you suspect they’re promoting cruelty of exploitation of animals. A good rule of thumb is to avoid an experience if you see an animal with a human handler doing something it wouldn’t in the wild. 5. Always be cautious when giving money to beggars. While it can be hard to say, particularly in areas of great poverty, often your money can be better spent by contributing to the community through a school, clinic or development project. 6. Be mindful of clothing choices and <a href="/travel/travel-tips/2016/02/what-not-to-wear-when-travelling-abroad/" target="_blank">dress respectfully when appropriate</a>. Ensure you’re always dressed modestly when visiting religious sites and check swimwear expectations. 7. Waste management is a huge problem around the world, particularly in developing countries, so little measures like saying no to plastic bags from shops or carrying a reusable water bottle around can make a huge difference. 8. If you want to take a picture of the locals, ask them and see if it’s okay. Some locals may expect a small fee for taking photos, or refuse if given the chance to do so. 9. Make sure you are careful when shopping for souvenirs. Try to avoid any products if you feel as though they are made out of endangered species or plants. 10. Remember, when you’re overseas you’re a guest of that country. Try to be open-minded, and respect their way of living so you can learn and experience. Related links: <a href="/travel/travel-tips/2016/02/what-not-to-wear-when-travelling-abroad/">What not to wear when travelling abroad</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2016/04/lifetime-ban-british-airways-flight-for-getting-up/">Woman gets banned from airline for life for getting up too often on flight</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2016/03/hippo-stuns-guests-by-swimming-in-pool/">Hippo stuns guests by taking a swim in the pool</a>

International Travel

8 ways you can be a more respectful tourist

Sometimes on holidays it can be easy to forget that not everybody else is. Whether you’re heading overseas or belting out your favourite Aretha Franklin hit in karaoke, it’s all about a little bit of respect! Here are eight ways you can improve your behaviour abroad so you can be confident you won't cause any major international incidents. 1. Research your destination A little bit of research can save you from some nasty surprises, like the fact that your platform stilettos might not go over so well in that Buddhist monastery you’re visiting. Research your destination so you know what is expected in terms of dress, bargaining, tipping, public displays of affection and offensive gestures. 2. Be mindful of the different culture The expression “When in Rome” also applies to the rules. And not just in Rome! You’d be surprised at how many tourists get annoyed when they’re asked to abide by simple, yet important cultural rules, understandings and expectations, yet doing so is quite a significant mark of respect and may even make the locals friendlier! 3. Ask before you take photos Would you like it if someone took a photo of you on the way to the corner store? Of course not! Even if those locals huddled around a chessboard would make a perfect shot, it’s important (and common courtesy really) to ask before you take their photo. You have to remember that while you’re in holiday-mode, generally the people you encounter on the streets will simply be living their day to day lives. 4. Mind your surroundings and don’t block traffic Of course when you’re away there’s going to be moments where you need to consult a map or check your phone or deftly rearrange your underwear, but try to not do it in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. Also, try and be mindful when ordering food at busy outlets, particularly when you’re in front of a line of hungry locals on their lunch break. 5. Keep an open mind and your opinions to yourself Sometimes when you’re headed overseas you may see something that doesn’t mesh too well with your sensibilities, like the fact that you can’t get Vegemite on toast at a French café. And that’s fine, but it’s probably not something you need voice too loudly. Instead, why not enjoy the fact you’re in a different country with different customs? 6. Learn a few phrases in the local language While this does require a little bit of effort on your part, learning a few phrases in the local language can make a big difference (particularly if you’re in a non-English speaking country). It also means you won’t have to do half as much pointing! 7. Go local when dining out and seeking entertainment Let’s face it, you didn’t travel halfway around the world to order a Big Mac. Valuing the local foods, arts, crafts and customs often shows an appreciation for the place you’re visiting. Just because we’re living in an age of humanity where you can a Starbucks double macchiato pretty much anywhere you find yourself doesn’t mean you should. 8. Take the sustainable tourism pledge If you’re serious about being a respectful tourist, travel a lot and are concerned about your footprint on the world consider taking the World Monument Fund’s <a href="https://www.wmf.org/" target="_blank">sustainable tourism pledge.</a> This movement is working to ensure that the great places you visit on holidays will be around for more people to visit for years to come. Related links: <a href="/travel/travel-tips/2015/12/6-details-fine-print-plane-tickets/">6 hidden details in the fine print of plane tickets</a> <a href="/travel/travel-tips/2015/12/funny-way-to-avoid-losing-luggage/">One man’s genius way to avoid losing your luggage</a> <a href="/travel/travel-tips/2015/12/random-act-of-airport-kindness/">Stranger buys stranded traveller a flight to see her dying mother</a>

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10 ways you can be a more responsible traveller

8 ways you can be a more respectful tourist