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Romance fraud doesn’t only happen online – it can turn into real-world deception

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cassandra-cross-122865">Cassandra Cross</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p>We often think of fraudsters as people on the opposite side of the world. They will manipulate and exploit victims through words on a computer screen, or loving messages through the phone. But romance fraud can also happen in person, with the fraudster sleeping in the bed beside you.</p> <p>This was the circumstance Australian writer Stephanie Wood found herself in. It’s also the basis for the new <a href="https://www.paramountanz.com.au/news/fake-breaks-subscription-and-streaming-records-on-paramount/">television series Fake</a>, currently screening on Paramount+. A dramatisation of Wood’s powerful memoir by the same name, the series outlines the many lies and betrayals of an intimate relationship.</p> <p>It’s a brutal insight into the world of deception which characterises romance fraud.</p> <h2>When love hurts</h2> <p>Romance fraud (or romance scams) is what it sounds like – offenders use the guise of a relationship to gain a financial reward. In most cases, it’s through the direct transfer of money from the victim, but it can also be through using personal credentials to commit identity crimes.</p> <p>From the outside, it’s hard to understand how romance fraud is so effective. However, <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/233966/">research has documented</a> the range of grooming techniques, social engineering tactics and methods of psychological abuse deployed by offenders. Offenders know exactly what to do and say to gain the compliance of their victim.</p> <hr /> <hr /> <p>Offenders target a person’s vulnerability and work hard to build strong levels of trust. There are endless calls, texts and emails that create a bond. Then follows the inevitable “crisis”, whereby the offender needs money urgently for a health emergency, criminal justice situation, business need or even a <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/media-release/romance-baiting-scams-on-the-rise">cryptocurrency investment</a> opportunity.</p> <p>For many, this can result in ongoing payments and substantial losses. Over <a href="https://www.accc.gov.au/about-us/publications/serial-publications/targeting-scams-reports-on-scams-activity/targeting-scams-report-of-the-accc-on-scams-activity-2023">A$200 million</a> was reported lost by Australians to this fraud type in 2023, but this is likely a gross underestimation of actual figures. It also doesn’t capture the many <a href="https://www.aic.gov.au/sites/default/files/2020-05/29-1314-FinalReport.pdf">non-financial harms</a>, including physical and emotional declines in wellbeing.</p> <p>When the relationship finally ends, it’s too late. The money is gone, the extent of the deception is laid bare, and recovery from the heartache and loss is a constant battle.</p> <p>There is a well-documented “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1748895815603773">double hit</a>” of victimisation, with individuals needing to grieve the relationship as well as any financial losses.</p> <h2>Seeing is not believing</h2> <p>There are countless incidents of romance fraud where the offender and victim never meet: the deception takes place entirely online. But it’s important to know fraudsters also operate in person.</p> <p>Wood’s memoir details an extraordinary level of lies and dishonesty presented to her throughout her relationship. Stories that laid the groundwork for later fabrications. Stories that were deliberate and calculated in how they were used to gain her trust, and later used against her.</p> <p>The motivations of these real-world deceivers are not always straightforward. Often it’s about money, but not always. For Wood, not being asked for money allayed potential suspicions, but it didn’t reduce her feelings of loss and emotional devastation upon discovering the extent of the lies.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/K_1Akqhjy6M?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>Wood is by no means alone in her experience. Marketing executive Tracy Hall endured a similarly sophisticated and all-encompassing level of deceit in her relationship with <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2019/jun/20/conman-hamish-mclaren-jailed-for-up-to-16-years-after-swindling-76m-from-victims">convicted conman Hamish McLaren</a> (known to her as Max Tavita).</p> <p>In her book, <a href="https://tracyhall.com.au/the-last-victim">The Last Victim</a>, Hall recounts snippets of their daily lives over a 16-month period, with McLaren portraying himself as a successful professional in finance. His mail was addressed to Max Tavita and his phone conversations were with real people. Yet his whole identity and the world he represented to Hall was a complete fabrication.</p> <p>The experiences of Wood and Hall highlight the sheer depth of elaborate deception that can be perpetrated in an intimate relationship. Critically, it highlights romance fraud isn’t relegated to an online environment.</p> <h2>How can we prevent romance fraud?</h2> <p>There is an overwhelming amount of <a href="https://eprints.qut.edu.au/83702/">shame and stigma</a> associated with romance fraud. The dynamics of these deceptive relationships are misunderstood, and this perpetuates negative stereotypes and a discourse of victim blaming, even from friends and family.</p> <p>In hindsight, the warning signs might seem obvious, but fraudsters tend to effectively disguise these in real time and deploy deliberate tactics to overcome any suspicion.</p> <p>We must all create a culture that empowers victims to come forward to raise awareness. This isn’t intended to create fear or anxiety, but to normalise the threat fraud poses, and to allow for difficult conversations if it happens. Ongoing silence from victims only favours the offender.</p> <h2>How to protect yourself from romance fraud</h2> <p>It’s inevitable we’ll continue to swipe right in our efforts to find love. But keep a healthy level of scepticism and an open dialogue with family and friends in any quest for a new relationship.</p> <p>Don’t be afraid to conduct your own searches of people, places and situations presented to you in a relationship. There is a memorable moment in Fake where the protagonist refutes her friend’s offer of assistance, saying “this is a love story not an investigation”. Sadly, sometimes an investigation is necessary.</p> <p>No matter what the circumstance or the person, think carefully before sending any money. Only give what you are willing to lose.</p> <p>Deception comes in many forms. We must recognise it for what it is, and the impact it has on victims. But we must also not give into those who lie, and let them define who we are or dictate our ability to trust.</p> <p><em>If you or someone you know has been a victim of romance fraud, you can report it to <a href="https://www.cyber.gov.au/report-and-recover/report">ReportCyber</a>. For support, contact <a href="https://www.idcare.org/">iDcare</a>. For prevention advice, consult <a href="https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/">Scamwatch</a>.</em><!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/237653/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/cassandra-cross-122865"><em>Cassandra Cross</em></a><em>, Associate Dean (Learning &amp; Teaching) Faculty of Creative Industries, Education and Social Justice, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/romance-fraud-doesnt-only-happen-online-it-can-turn-into-real-world-deception-237653">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Legal

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Beloved author slams Carrie Bickmore for “schoolyard bullying”

<p>New Zealand author and poet Jessica Urlichs has voiced her extreme displeasure with Carrie Bickmore and Tommy Little for her radio program "Carrie &amp; Tommy", claiming that she experienced what amounted to "schoolyard bullying" during a recent segment.</p> <p>Bickmore read one of Urlichs’ poems on air recently while speaking to her co-host, Tommy Little. Urlichs, who has nearly half-a-million followers on Instagram, felt that her work was shamefully mocked during the broadcast.</p> <p>"I don’t have any words left to truly articulate the schoolyard bullying you displayed in your recent segment across multiple radio stations," Urlichs wrote in an Instagram post on Sunday.</p> <p>She continued, "You used my heartfelt poem (without permission) as your very weak punchline. Your co-host wasn’t allowing a voice for post-partum women, nor you for that matter, and as a woman who was once post-partum it was very disappointing to see you reduce yourself to his childlike behaviour on such an important topic."</p> <p>In her caption, Urlichs explained she wrote the poem for herself and for mothers who might be offended by the radio segment. She also mentioned that her requests to have the content removed had been ignored.</p> <p>During the radio segment, Bickmore explained to Little that the poems, written from the perspective of a baby to its mother, frequently appeared in her social media feed. Little responded with skepticism and humour, questioning the premise that a baby could write such a poem.</p> <p>Bickmore defended the work, identifying Urlichs as the author and stressing the poem's emotional significance for mothers dealing with sleepless nights. Despite this, Little continued to mock the poem, suggesting it was written by a middle-aged man pretending to be a baby.</p> <p>The segment continued with Bickmore reading the poem aloud, accompanied by background music, while Little laughed and interjected. This tone persisted throughout the reading, leading to further comments from Little that questioned the poem's authenticity and meaning.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C8Q8DaXPMd9/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C8Q8DaXPMd9/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by J E S S I C A U R L I C H S (@jessurlichs)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Following the broadcast, a video clip of the segment was posted on Instagram, where Urlichs expressed her disappointment in the comments. "If you’d asked for my permission to post this and I’d seen how it was mocked throughout I would have said no," she wrote on the post that has now been removed. She added that while she appreciates people sharing her work to support other mothers, she felt her writing was treated as a punchline in this instance.</p> <p>The full text of the remarkable poem can be read below.</p> <p><iframe style="overflow: hidden; border: initial none initial;" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fjessurlichs%2Fposts%2Fpfbid02jzy9gwBKnMAAX12NYp7XiZ1CpWsgxfd2zyhRaHVQfgLJ3NoB1kCcGXNbhJucZcYNl&amp;show_text=true&amp;width=500" width="500" height="666" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p> <p> </p>

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Best-selling author diagnosed with "aggressive" brain cancer

<p>Best-selling author Sophie Kinsella has shared that she has been fighting "aggressive" brain cancer since the end of 2022. </p> <p>The British writer took to Instagram to reveal she was diagnosed with glioblastoma 18 months ago, and shared why she chose to keep the devatstsing news out of the spotlight. </p> <p>The 54-year-old said she wanted to "make sure my children were able to hear and process the news in privacy and adapt to our new normal" before going public with her diagnosis. </p> <p>"I have been under the care of the excellent team at University College Hospital in London and have had successful surgery and subsequent radiotherapy and chemotherapy, which is still ongoing," she told her followers on Instagram.</p> <p>"At the moment all is stable and I am feeling generally very well, though I get very tired and my memory is even worse than it was before!"</p> <p>Kinsella said she is "so grateful to my family and close friends who have been an incredible support to me, and to the wonderful doctors and nurses who have treated me."</p> <p>She also thanked her readers for their "constant support", adding how the reception of her latest novel <em>The Burnout</em>, released in October 2023, "really buoyed me up during a difficult time."</p> <p>She ended her statement by saying, "To everyone who is suffering from cancer in any form I send love and best wishes, as well as to those who support them."</p> <p>"It can feel very lonely and scary to have a tough diagnosis, and the support and care of those around you means more than words can say."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Caring

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Is attachment theory actually important for romantic relationships?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/marissa-nivison-1454992">Marissa Nivison</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sheri-madigan-417151">Sheri Madigan</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a></em></p> <p>There has been a recent surge of attention toward attachment theory: from <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTL2aW9va/">TikTok videos</a> to <a href="https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/">online quizzes</a> that claim to “assess your attachment style.” It’s become a hot topic, especially in the context of romantic relationships, with <a href="https://medium.com/curious/the-theory-that-explains-all-your-failed-relationships-fb2dc2551617">some articles</a> claiming that one person (or partner’s) attachment styles are the reason why relationships fail.</p> <p>As experts in developmental and clinical psychology focusing on attachment theory, we seek to provide an accessible resource to better understand the science of attachment, and what it means for one’s romantic relationships.</p> <h2>What is attachment?</h2> <p>Attachment theory stems from the field of developmental psychology. It is the notion that in the first year of life, the ways in which a parent and caregiver respond to a child’s needs shape a child’s expectation of relationships across their lifespan.</p> <p>In research, attachment has been associated with well-being across the lifespan including: <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579499002035">mental</a> and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14616734.2018.1541517">physical</a> health, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032671">brain functioning</a> and even <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&amp;type=pdf&amp;doi=092354a82953ac321429f84b00607bcd44ac4c63">romantic relationships</a>.</p> <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=455&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=455&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=455&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=572&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=572&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587576/original/file-20240411-16-x97xu0.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=572&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 2262w" alt="Illustrations of four different attachment styes" /><figcaption><span class="caption">There are two overarching types of attachment: secure and insecure. Types of insecure attachment include disorganized, avoidant and anxious attachment.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure> <h2>How is attachment related to romantic relationships?</h2> <p>Among professionals in the field, there is diversity in perspectives regarding how attachment relates with romantic relationships. As developmental psychologists, we tend to think that attachment is associated with romantic relationships through what we call the “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/14616739900134191">internal working model</a>.”</p> <p>In childhood, when a parent is consistent and responsive in tending to their child, the child learns that their parent can be counted on in times of need. These expectations and beliefs about relationships are then internalized as a blueprint, sometimes in popular media referred to as a “<a href="https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/love-maps-are-a-gamechanger-when-you-have-an-anxious-attachment-style-dc8f219ab0af">love map</a>.” Just like how an architect uses a blueprint to design a building, a child’s attachment to their parents provides a blueprint for understanding how to approach other relationships.</p> <p>Based on this blueprint, people develop expectations of how relationships should work, and how other important people in their life, including partners, should respond to their needs.</p> <p>Sometimes attachment is also described in terms of attachment “styles.” There are two overarching types of attachment: <a href="https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203758045">secure and insecure</a>. Those with a secure attachment style tend to have expectations that their attachment figures (and later, partners) will be responsive, sensitive and caring in times of distress. People with secure “blueprints” find it easier to build new structures (i.e., relationships) with the same design.</p> <p>People with insecure blueprints — such as disorganized, avoidant or anxious attachment styles — may face relationship challenges when their current relationship doesn’t align with their childhood experiences, and may need to renovate their blueprint design together with their partner.</p> <p>Whether you think about attachment as a style or a love map, they both are related to expectations of relationships, which are shaped by past experiences.</p> <p>In research we see that people who had consistent, reliable and sensitive parents are more likely to have more positive relationships — including <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1997.tb00135.x">friendships</a>, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.13322">teacher-child relationships</a> and yes, <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&amp;type=pdf&amp;doi=092354a82953ac321429f84b00607bcd44ac4c63">romantic relationships too</a>.</p> <h2>Relationships with parents and relationships with partners</h2> <p>Although we do see in research that better childhood relationships are associated with better romantic relationships, there is still a large part of the population who have good relationships with partners, despite their history of lower-quality relationships with their parents.</p> <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=453&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=453&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=453&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=569&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=569&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/587575/original/file-20240411-16-fn5xgk.jpeg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=569&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 2262w" alt="Illustration of loving parents with a child, and the grown child in a loving relationship" /><figcaption><span class="caption">In research we see that people who had consistent, reliable and sensitive parents are more likely to have more positive relationships.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">(Shutterstock)</span></span></figcaption></figure> <p>It is possible for romantic relationships to serve as a <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.4.2.155">“healing relationship”</a> and improve one’s own internal working model of relationships. Specifically, when a partner is consistently sensitive, responsive and available, a person may begin to adjust their blueprint and develop new expectations from relationships. Attachment theory consistently supports the idea that one’s patterns of attachment <a href="https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ960225">can change</a>.</p> <p>So, all in all, the answer is no: Your relationship with your parents influences but does not <em>determine</em> the quality of your romantic relationships.</p> <h2>Is attachment the reason why my relationships don’t work out?</h2> <p>It is possible that your expectations of a romantic relationship may not align with the expectations of your partner, and may affect the quality of the relationship. For example, sometimes individuals with insecure attachments may withdraw when they are upset, but their partner who has a secure attachment may be upset that their partner is not coming to them for comfort.</p> <p>Thinking through your own attachment history and expectations of relationships may be a great opportunity for self-reflection, but it is important to remember that attachment is only one part of a relationship. Communication, trust and respect, to name a few, are also critically important aspects of a relationship.</p> <h2>Can I improve my attachment expectations?</h2> <p>The short answer: Yes! Improving attachment quality has been one of the cornerstones of attachment theory and research since its conception. Most commonly, attachment is targeted in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0LCPe5CMarYi1NmqNttDcg/videos">childhood through interventions</a>, but also in adulthood through individual therapy, or various forms of couples therapy, such as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaHms5z-yuM">Emotionally Focused Therapy</a> or the <a href="https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/">Gottman Method</a>.</p> <p>It is also possible that through positive relationships you may be able to improve your own expectations of relationships. There are many different avenues to explore, but improvement is always possible.</p> <p>In sum, attachment can be an important factor in romantic relationships, but it is not a “catch-all” to be blamed for why relationships may not work out. Thinking about your own expectations for relationships and talking through those with your partner may do great things in improving the quality of your relationships!  <!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/226101/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/marissa-nivison-1454992">Marissa Nivison</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Department of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sheri-madigan-417151">Sheri Madigan</a>, Professor, Canada Research Chair in Determinants of Child Development, Owerko Centre at the Alberta Children’s Hospital Research Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-calgary-1318">University of Calgary</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-attachment-theory-actually-important-for-romantic-relationships-226101">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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"What a life I’ve had": Author announces own death after years of battling dementia

<p>Wendy Mitchell has died aged 68 after documenting her brave battle with dementia. </p> <p>The author from Walkington, East Yorkshire, became the best-selling writer after she was diagnosed with early onset vascular dementia and Alzheimer's in July 2014. </p> <p>She shared her philosophical outlook on living with the condition in her acclaimed 2018 memoir <em>Somebody I Used To Know </em>and in her 2022 book <em>What I Wish I Knew About Dementia</em>.</p> <p>In an <a href="https://whichmeamitoday.wordpress.com/2024/02/22/my-final-hug-in-a-mug/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">open letter</a> shared online, the author announced her death and revealed that she had refused to eat or drink towards the end of her battle. </p> <p>"If you’re reading this, it means this has probably been posted by my daughters as I’ve sadly died," she began. </p> <p>"Sorry to break the news to you this way, but if I hadn’t, my inbox would eventually have been full of emails asking if I’m OK, which would have been hard for my daughters to answer… </p> <p>"In the end I died simply by deciding not to eat or drink any more," she wrote. </p> <p>She added that the last cup of tea she had, her "final hug in a mug" was "the hardest thing to let go of". </p> <p>"Dementia is a cruel disease that plays tricks on your very existence. I’ve always been a glass half full person, trying to turn the negatives of life around and creating positives, because that’s how I cope." </p> <p>Mitchell said that the language used by doctors can "make or break" how someone copes with dementia, and instead of saying there's "nothing they can do" it is better to tell them they will have to "adapt to a new way of living". </p> <p>"Well I suppose dementia was the ultimate challenge. Yes, dementia is a bummer, but oh what a life I’ve had playing games with this adversary of mine to try and stay one step ahead," she wrote in her final blog post. </p> <p>She also said that she had always been resilient, which has helped her cope with whatever life throws in her way. </p> <p>Mitchell has been an advocate for assisted dying in the UK, and said that "the only legal choice we shouldn’t have in life is when to be born; for everything else, we, as humans, should have a choice; a choice of how we live and a choice of how we die." </p> <p>She added that the way she died was an active choice as she doesn't want "to be an inpatient in a hospital, or a resident in a Care Home," as "it’s just not the place I want to end my years."</p> <p>"My girls have always been the two most important people in my life. I didn’t take this decision lightly, without countless conversations. They were the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to put them through. </p> <p>"This was all MY CHOICE, my decision. So please respect my daughters' privacy, as they didn’t choose the life I chose, of standing up to and speaking out against dementia." </p> <p>She then thanked everyone for their support and left with a touching final message. </p> <p>"So, enjoy this knowing that dementia didn’t play the winning card – I did."</p> <p><em>Images: Daily Mail</em></p> <p> </p>

Caring

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Is Valentine’s Day worth the romantic investment? Here’s what we can learn from economics

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/selma-wather-1510222">Selma Wather</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sussex-1218">University of Sussex</a></em></p> <p>Expressing affection can be expensive. Spending on heart-shaped gifts, romantic cards, chocolates and flowers (other gifts are available) to celebrate Valentine’s Day has reached <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/510981/valentines-day-total-spending-great-britain/#:%7E:text=In%20the%20United%20Kingdom%20%28UK%29%20alone%2C%20Valentine%E2%80%99s%20Day,increased%20by%20just%20over%20300%20million%20British%20pounds.">close to £1 billion</a> in the UK.</p> <p>So the value of Valentine’s to retailers seems clear enough. But just how valuable is the annual ritual to consumers? What return can you expect for the money you invest in that bouquet of roses or candle lit meal?</p> <p>Broadly speaking, and depending on your relationship status, buying into Valentine’s Day traditions suggests two possible scenarios. You might be sending a card or gift to a potential partner to inform them of your interest; or you might be giving something to your current partner to remind them of your continuing love.</p> <p>Research suggests that both options have intrinsic economic value.</p> <p>For those seeking to express interest, sending a card is like dipping your toe into what economists might refer to as the “marriage market” – the search for someone you like, who likes what you have to offer in return.</p> <p>This search can happen smoothly, with plenty of information about your potential match, or it can be paved with obstacles, where you may not know much about who is available, and <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1703310">learning about potential partners</a> takes time.</p> <p>So suppose you are searching for a partner, and comprehensive information about potential matches is not freely available. What do you do?</p> <p>One option might be to put all your hopes into meeting someone on your daily journey to work. You pray that one day, just like in the movies, you will simply bump into “the one”.</p> <p>A second option might be to focus your search on single work colleagues, or people you know socially, and send Valentine’s Day cards to those you are attracted to.</p> <p>The option with the highest chance of success is the second one. You are using reliable information – knowledge of who is single. And sending a card to them can provide them with important information about you – that you’re also single, and that you’re interested. This is why research suggests that sending a Valentine’s Day card can be a <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2938374?origin=crossref">logical investment</a> of time and money.</p> <h2>‘Match quality’</h2> <p>Fast forward five years or so and imagine you are happily married to the recipient of one of those cards. Is it worth repeating the gesture now that you’re settled down together?</p> <p>Economists think of marriages or partnerships as having an inherent “<a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1468-2354.2006.00385.x">match quality</a>”, which reflects how good (or bad) your relationship is – and the likelihood of you breaking up.</p> <p>If match quality falls below the level of happiness you might expect to have if you were to leave, a <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2759255">separation may well follow</a>. But many studies also show that <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2535409">match quality is malleable</a> – that it can change, for better and indeed for worse, over time.</p> <p>You can invest in trying to improve match quality in various ways. It might be starting a family, sharing hobbies and interests, or gestures such as cooking a special meal or exchanging gifts on the 14th day of February. Improving your match quality <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228431914_How_Does_the_Change_of_Marriage_Quality_Affect_Divorce_Decisions">directly reduces the probability</a> of a separation.</p> <p>Then there’s the question of commitment – the willingness to stay in a relationship rather than walking away. And again, gestures can make a difference.</p> <p>Imagine you have just started a new job, and your employer asks you to complete an intensive training session in your free time, for a skill that would only be useful for that particular role. If you expect to hold the job for a long period, you might happily invest your time. But if your employer is struggling financially and redundancy is on the cards, you are much less likely to agree to perform the task.</p> <p>Relationships work in a similar way. People are more prepared to invest in things like having children or buying a house together if they expect the relationship to last. Given that commitment is not guaranteed by a marriage certificate, people <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=950688">need to find other ways</a> to signal their continued devotion.</p> <p>Celebrating Valentine’s Day is one way of making such a signal. It can show faith in your shared commitment, signify that you wish to continue investing in the relationship and improve match quality, further stabilising the partnership.</p> <p>So even if deep down you think that Valentine’s Day has become over commercialised and meaningless, research suggests it makes good economic sense to send that card.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223128/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/selma-wather-1510222"><em>Selma Wather</em></a><em>, Senior Lecturer in Economics, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sussex-1218">University of Sussex</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-valentines-day-worth-the-romantic-investment-heres-what-we-can-learn-from-economics-223128">original article</a>.</em></p>

Money & Banking

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Who wrote the Bible?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/philip-c-almond-176214">Philip C. Almond</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a></em></p> <p>The Bible tells an overall story about the history of the world: creation, fall, redemption and God’s Last Judgement of the living and the dead.</p> <p>The Old Testament (which dates to 300 BCE) begins with the creation of the world and of Adam and Eve, their disobedience to God and their expulsion from the garden of Eden.</p> <p>The New Testament recounts the redemption of humanity brought about by the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. It finishes in the book of Revelation, with the end of history and God’s Last Judgement.</p> <p>During the first 400 years of Christianity, the church took its time deciding on the New Testament. Finally, in 367 CE, authorities confirmed the 27 books that make it up.</p> <p>But who wrote the Bible?</p> <p>Broadly, there are four different theories.</p> <h2>1. God wrote the Bible</h2> <p>All Christians agree the Bible is authoritative. Many see it as the divinely revealed word of God. But there are significant disagreements about what this means.</p> <p>At its most extreme, this is taken to mean the words themselves are divinely inspired – God dictated the Bible to its writers, who were merely God’s musicians playing a divine composition.</p> <p>As early as the second century, the <a href="https://archive.org/details/fathersofchurch0000unse/page/382/mode/2up">Christian philosopher Justin Martyr saw it</a> as only necessary for holy men "to submit their purified persons to the direction of the Holy Spirit, so that this divine plectrum from Heaven, as it were, by using them as a harp or lyre, might reveal to us divine and celestial truths."</p> <p>In other words, God dictated the words to the Biblical secretaries, who wrote everything down exactly.</p> <p>This view continued with the medieval Catholic church. Catholic theologian Thomas Aquinas put it simply in the 13th century: “the author of Holy Writ is God”. He <a href="https://www.ccel.org/ccel/aquinas/summa.FP_Q1_A10.html">qualified this</a> by saying each word in Holy Writ could have several senses – in other words, it could be variously interpreted.</p> <p>The religious reform movement known as Protestantism swept through Europe in the 1500s. <a href="https://www.britannica.com/event/Reformation">A new group of churches formed</a> alongside the existing Catholic and <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Eastern-Orthodoxy">Eastern Orthodox</a> traditions of Christianity.</p> <p>Protestants emphasised the authority of “scripture alone” (“sola scriptura”), meaning the text of the Bible was the supreme authority over the church. This gave greater emphasis to the scriptures and the idea of “divine dictation” got more support.</p> <p>So, for example, <a href="https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=coo.31924029273996&amp;seq=254">Protestant reformer John Calvin declared</a>: "[we] are fully convinced that the prophets did not speak at their own suggestion, but that, being organs of the Holy Spirit, they only uttered what they had been commissioned from heaven to declare."</p> <figure class="align-left zoomable"><figcaption></figcaption></figure> <p>“Divine dictation” was linked to the idea that the Bible was without error (inerrant) – because the words were dictated by God.</p> <p>Generally, over the first 1,700 years of Christian history, this was assumed, if not argued for. But from the 18th century on, both history and science began to cast doubts on the truth of the Bible. And what had once been taken as fact came to be treated as myth and legend.</p> <p>The impossibility of any sort of error in the scriptures became a doctrine at the forefront of the 20th-century movement known as <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Christian-fundamentalism">fundamentalism</a>. The <a href="https://www.apuritansmind.com/creeds-and-confessions/the-chicago-statement-on-biblical-inerrancy/">Chicago Statement on Biblical Inerrancy in 1978</a> declared: "Being wholly and verbally God-given, Scripture is without error or fault in all its teaching, no less in what it states about God’s acts in creation, about the events of world history, and about its own literary origins under God, than in its witness to God’s saving grace in individual lives."</p> <h2>2. God inspired the writers: conservative</h2> <p>An alternative to the theory of divine dictation is the divine inspiration of the writers. Here, both God and humans collaborated in the writing of the Bible. So, not the words, but the authors were inspired by God.</p> <p>There are two versions of this theory, dating from the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/event/Reformation">Reformation</a>. The conservative version, favoured by Protestantism, was: though the Bible was written by humans, God was a dominant force in the partnership.</p> <p>Protestants believed the sovereignty of God overruled human freedom. But even the Reformers, <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Martin-Luther">Martin Luther</a> and <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/John-Calvin">John Calvin</a>, recognised variation within the Biblical stories could be put down to human agency.</p> <p>Catholics were more inclined to recognise human freedom above divine sovereignty. Some flirted with the idea human authorship was at play, with God only intervening to prevent mistakes.</p> <p>For example, in 1625, <a href="https://archive.org/details/catholictheories0000burt/page/46/mode/2up">Jacques Bonfrère said</a> the Holy Spirit acts: “not by dictating or inbreathing, but as one keeps an eye on another while he is writing, to keep him from slipping into errors”.</p> <p>In the early 1620s, the Archbishop of Split, Marcantonio de Dominis, went a little further. He distinguished between those parts of the Bible revealed to the writers by God and those that weren’t. In the latter, he believed, errors could occur.</p> <p>His view was supported some 200 years later by <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-John-Henry-Newman">John Henry Newman</a>, who led the Oxford movement in the Church of England and later became a cardinal (and then a saint) in the Roman Catholic Church.</p> <p>Newman argued the divinely inspired books of the Bible were interspersed with human additions. In other words, the Bible was inspired in matters of faith and morals –  but not, say, in matters of science and history. It was hard, at times, to distinguish this conservative view from “divine dictation”.</p> <h2>3. God inspired the writers: liberal</h2> <p>During the 19th century, in both Protestant and Catholic circles, the conservative theory was being overtaken by a more liberal view. The writers of the Bible were inspired by God, but <a href="https://archive.org/details/catholictheories0000burt/page/186/mode/2up">they were “children of their time”</a>, their writings determined by the cultural contexts in which they wrote.</p> <p>This view, while recognising the special status of the Bible for Christians, allowed for errors. For example, in 1860 <a href="https://archive.org/details/a578549600unknuoft/page/n359/mode/2up?ref=ol&amp;view=theater&amp;q=inspir">the Anglican theologian Benjamin Jowett declared</a>: “any true doctrine of inspiration must conform to all well-ascertained facts of history or of science”.</p> <p>For Jowett, to hold to the truth of the Bible against the discoveries of science or history was to do a disservice to religion. At times, though, it’s difficult to tell the difference between a liberal view of inspiration and there being no meaning to “inspiration” at all.</p> <p>In 1868, a conservative Catholic church pushed back against the more liberal view, declaring God’s direct authorship of the Bible. The Council of the Church known as Vatican 1 <a href="https://www.papalencyclicals.net/councils/ecum20.htm.">declared</a> both the Old and New Testaments were: “written under the inspiration of the holy Spirit, they have God as their author.”</p> <h2>4. People wrote it, with no divine help</h2> <p>Within the most liberal Christian circles, by the end of the 19th century, the notion of the Bible as “divinely inspired” had lost any meaning.</p> <p>Liberal Christians could join their secular colleagues in ignoring questions of the Bible’s historical or scientific accuracy or infallibility. The idea of the Bible as a human production was now accepted. And the question of who wrote it was now comparable to questions about the authorship of any other ancient text.</p> <p>The simple answer to “who wrote the Bible?” became: the authors named in the Bible (for example, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John – the authors of the four Gospels). But the idea of the Bible’s authorship is complex and problematic. (So are historical studies of ancient texts more generally.)</p> <p>This is partly because it’s hard to identify particular authors.</p> <p>The content of the 39 books of the Old Testament is the same as the 24 books of the Jewish <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Hebrew-Bible">Hebrew Bible</a>. Within modern Old Testament studies, it’s now generally accepted that the books were not the production of a single author, but the result of long and changing histories of the stories’ transmission.</p> <p>The question of authorship, then, is not about an individual writer, but multiple authors, editors, scribes and redactors – along with multiple different versions of the texts.</p> <p>It’s much the same with the New Testament. While 13 Letters are attributed to <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Saint-Paul-the-Apostle">Saint Paul</a>, there are doubts about his authorship of seven of them (Ephesians, Colossians, 2 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Titus, and Hebrews). There are also disputes over the traditional authorship of a number of the remaining Letters. The book of Revelation was traditionally ascribed to Jesus’s disciple John. But it is now generally agreed he was not its author.</p> <p>Traditionally, the authors of the four <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Gospel-New-Testament">Gospels</a> were thought to be the apostles Matthew and John, Mark (the companion of Jesus’s disciple Peter), and Luke (the companion of Paul, who spread Christianity to the Greco-Roman world in the first century). But the anonymously written Gospels weren’t attributed to these figures until the second and third centuries.</p> <p>The dates of the Gospels’ creation also suggests they were not written by eyewitnesses to Jesus’s life. The earliest Gospel, Mark (65-70 CE) was written some 30 years after the death of Jesus (from 29-34 CE). The last Gospel, John (90-100 CE) was written some 60-90 years after the death of Jesus.</p> <p>It’s clear the author of the Gospel of Mark drew on traditions circulating in the early church about the life and teaching of Jesus and brought them together in the form of ancient biography.</p> <p>In turn, the Gospel of Mark served as the principal source for the authors of Matthew and Luke. Each of these authors had access to a common source (known as “Q”) of the sayings of Jesus, along with material unique to each of them.</p> <p>In short, there were many (unknown) authors of the Gospels.</p> <p>Interestingly, another group of texts, known as the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/apocrypha">Apocrypha</a>, were written during the time between the Old and New Testaments (400 BCE to the first century CE). The Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Christian traditions consider them part of the Bible, but Protestant churches don’t consider them authoritative.</p> <h2>Divine or human: why does it matter?</h2> <p>The question of who wrote the Bible matters because the Christian quarter of the world’s population believe the Bible is a not merely a human production.</p> <p>Divinely inspired, it has a transcendent significance. As such, it provides for Christians an ultimate understanding of how the world is, what history means and how human life should be lived.</p> <p>It matters because the Biblical worldview is the hidden (and often not-so-hidden) cause of economic, social and personal practices. It remains, as it has always been, a major source of both peace and conflict.</p> <p>It matters, too, because the Bible remains the most important collection of books in Western civilisation. Regardless of our religious beliefs, it has formed, informed and shaped all of us – whether consciously or unconsciously, for good or ill.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/214849/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/philip-c-almond-176214"><em>Philip C. Almond</em></a><em>, Emeritus Professor in the History of Religious Thought, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-queensland-805">The University of Queensland</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/who-wrote-the-bible-214849">original article</a>.</em></p>

Books

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How to make a perfect romcom – an expert explains the recipe for romance

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christina-wilkins-1454385">Christina Wilkins</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-birmingham-1138">University of Birmingham</a></em></p> <p>Picture the scene: it’s a dreary weeknight evening, you’re tired from work, and you want to watch something that will pick you up. My guess is that some of you – perhaps more than would admit it – would pick a romantic comedy.</p> <p>Over the years the romcom has been designated as “chick flick”, dismissed at awards ceremonies (the best picture Oscar primarily goes to <a href="https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/movie-genres-perform-best-oscars-2179/">drama films</a>) and frequently panned by critics. Yet, critics are not the only ones buying cinema tickets or watching streaming services.</p> <p>A 2013 <a href="https://archive.nytimes.com/economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/14/reviewing-the-movies-audiences-vs-critics/">article</a> from the New York Times found that the romcom was one of the genres most likely to divide audience and critical opinion. Like many other things that are classified as “women’s things”, the romcom is often spoken of as a “guilty pleasure”.</p> <p>Researchers such as Claire Mortimer, who <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Romantic-Comedy/Mortimer/p/book/9780415548632">writes about comedy</a> and women, argue that the dismissal is not just down to the genre’s <a href="https://stjohnslis.libguides.com/c.php?g=1277106&amp;p=9378728">status as “women’s films”</a> but also because romcoms are genre films. Such films are often seen as repetitive – they rely on a number of tropes to be wheeled out again and again and we come to expect certain styles, stories and characters. Some films become key examples of a genre, a kind of “best of”, and form a template which the others either imitate or diverge from.</p> <p>That’s not to say that all romcoms are the same. But there’s a dominant form that we think of as being definitive, called the “neo-traditional romcom”. Tamar McDonald, a professor in film, <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=9Bk-mkvdPYcC&amp;printsec=copyright&amp;redir_esc=y#v=onepage&amp;q&amp;f=false">argues that</a> this is the main form of the genre now – one that “has no use for realism”.</p> <p>This can be seen in characters running through airports, the absurd lack of communication between love interests and the convenient mishaps. Without these elements though, the resolution wouldn’t be as sweet.</p> <h2>The perfect romcom</h2> <p>So what are the ingredients for a perfect romcom? Looking at the lists of the <a href="https://www.timeout.com/film/the-70-best-romcoms-of-all-time">best romcoms of all time</a> – which the internet <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2018/08/best-romantic-comedies-list">isn’t short of</a> – we see similar tropes popping up repeatedly. One popular favourite, <a href="https://www.timeout.com/film/the-70-best-romcoms-of-all-time">When Harry Met Sally</a> (1989), features the “friends to lovers” storyline. This reoccurs in more recent films like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHBcWHY9lN4">Always Be My Maybe</a> (2019).</p> <p>Within a romcom, there typically has to be miscommunication – and lots of it. Although a relationship can blossom steadily, often unknown to the characters themselves, romcoms usually feature a pivotal moment where one character is not understood by the person they want.</p> <p>This miscommunication is also underpinned by conflict. Leger Grindon, an expert <a href="https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/The_Hollywood_Romantic_Comedy/okkZPTEnYqMC?hl=en&amp;gbpv=1&amp;dq=Leger+Grindon+rom+coms&amp;printsec=frontcover%22%22">in romantic comedies</a>, breaks these kinds of conflict into three major fields: between parents and children, the two characters who are dating, or when someone has to choose between personal development and sacrifice.</p> <p>We’ve seen examples of all of three over the years. Children defying their parents’ wishes to be with someone they love is a common theme in the queer love story, like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h58HkQV1gHY">Happiest Season</a> (2020), but is also present in other films, like My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2mecmDFE-Q">Big Fat Greek Wedding</a> (2002).</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/O2mecmDFE-Q?wmode=transparent&amp;start=19" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption><span class="caption">My Big Fat Greek Wedding hinges on conflict between family and love.</span></figcaption></figure> <p>Conflict between the needs of the love interests can be seen in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZKAA5DRF4A">What Women Want</a> (2000). And the conflict between personal development and sacrifice has been a common theme of many recent Netflix romcoms such as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX6wAGuIMCg">Hello, Goodbye and Everything in Between</a> (2022) or <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km7gv28_uX0">The Holiday Calendar</a> (2019). In Hallmark Christmas films (their own sub-genre of the romcom) like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWKYnKGN8OA">Just In Time for Christmas</a> (2015), women often have to choose between their career and their relationship, a common recurrence for the Christmas sub-genre especially.</p> <p>Romcoms can provide escapism, but at their heart the glue of the genre is finding connection through love and laughter. How realistic this is may be shifting, with more recent examples in film and television providing more cultural critique (see comedian Rose Matafeo’s brilliant <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtHC1VmrNXM">Starstruck</a> series, streaming on BBC Three for example).</p> <p>The parameters for the characters of these stories are also changing. Once predominantly white and straight, the genre is opening up to a range of different stories. Recent examples like <a href="https://theconversation.com/red-white-and-royal-blue-review-this-queer-romcom-puts-a-new-spin-on-the-us-and-uks-special-relationship-211533">Red, White, and Royal Blue</a> (2023) and <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9731598/">Bros</a> (2022) put gay male romance front and centre, while <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15893750/">Rye Lane</a> (2023) and <a href="https://theconversation.com/crazy-rich-asians-a-movie-and-a-movement-101568">Crazy Rich Asians</a> (2018) foreground non-white protagonists.</p> <p>Perhaps this is because – as <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Romantic-Comedy/Mortimer/p/book/9780415548632">Mortimer</a> argues – the genre is concerned with “perennial themes” of love and identity. In a moment where definitions and understandings of identity are shifting, the romcom provides an ideal place to think through these issues in a comforting way. Or perhaps we just need the optimism we associate with the genre at a time of war and economic crisis.</p> <p>Although there may be classics and new challengers emerging for the title of the best, the perfect romcom is one that shows that, despite all the challenges life may throw at us, there is sometimes a happy ending.</p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christina-wilkins-1454385">Christina Wilkins</a>, Lecturer in Film and Creative Writing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-birmingham-1138">University of Birmingham</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-make-a-perfect-romcom-an-expert-explains-the-recipe-for-romance-212487">original article</a>.</em></p>

Movies

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Air travel is in a rut – is there any hope of recapturing the romance of flying?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-schaberg-1451119">Christopher Schaberg</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/arts-and-sciences-at-washington-university-in-st-louis-5659">Arts &amp; Sciences at Washington University in St. Louis</a></em></p> <p>Amelia Earhart broke a transcontinental speed record 90 years ago, in July 1933, by flying <a href="https://airandspace.si.edu/multimedia-gallery/web11183-2009640jpg">her signature red Lockheed Vega</a> from Los Angeles to New Jersey in just 17 hours, seven and a half minutes. Earlier that year, Earhart had flown as an observer on a Northwest Airways winter flight across the U.S., testing the possibilities of a “Northern Transcontinental” route.</p> <p>Because those early airplanes couldn’t reach high altitudes, they weaved through dangerous peaks and the erratic weather patterns that mountain ranges helped create. One co-pilot <a href="https://www.deltamuseum.org/about-us/blog/from-the-hangars/2019/07/24/delta-stories-amelia-earhart">remembers the journey</a> as “seat-of-the-pants flying across the Dakota and Montana plains and through, over and around the Western mountain ranges.”</p> <p>How does air travel today compare?</p> <p>I’ve studied <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2018/02/engine-failure/552959/">airplane technology</a>, <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/09/a-forgettable-passage-to-flight/279346/">airport design</a> and <a href="https://www.upress.umn.edu/book-division/books/grounded">cultural attitudes</a> toward air travel, and I’ve noticed how aspects of flying seem to have calcified over time.</p> <p>Long-distance flight <a href="https://theconversation.com/longing-for-the-golden-age-of-air-travel-be-careful-what-you-wish-for-34177">advanced rapidly between the 1930s and the early 1960s</a>, shaving off the number of hours in the sky by half. But over the past 60 years, the duration of such flights has remained roughly the same. Meanwhile, the ecosystem of air travel has grown more elaborate, often leaving passengers squirming in their seats on the tarmac before or after flight.</p> <p>Coast-to-coast air travel is in a rut – but there are still efforts to improve this mode of transit.</p> <h2>Just another ordinary miracle</h2> <p>Transcontinental air journeys are clearly different 90 years after Earhart’s record-breaking exploratory flights: Travelers now take such trips for granted, and often find them to be pure drudgery.</p> <p>In 2018, <a href="https://thepointsguy.com/reviews/united-757-200-first-class-ewr-sea/">travel blogger Ravi Ghelani reviewed in minute detail</a> a United Airlines flight from Newark, New Jersey, to Seattle – roughly the same northern route that Earhart explored in 1933.</p> <p>But for Ghelani, seated in first class, it wasn’t the terrain or frigid temperatures that were the most cumbersome part of his adventure. It was a cheap complimentary blanket, which “barely qualified as one – it was very thin, very scratchy.”</p> <p>The dreaded blanket reappears in Ghelani’s summary of his trip: “My main qualm with this flight was the lack of a decent blanket – the tiny, scratchy blanket that was provided wasn’t cutting it for the six-hour flight.”</p> <p>I can imagine Earhart rolling in <a href="https://airandspace.si.edu/stories/editorial/legend-amelia-earharts-disappearance">her watery grave</a>: “You zip across the continent in six hours and you complain about a scratchy blanket?”</p> <p>Yet Ghelani’s account of a mundane cross-country flight reveals a truth: Commercial air travel just isn’t the adventure it was back in Earhart’s time.</p> <p>As one captain of a major U.S. airline who regularly flies long routes told me, “Today jetliners fly across the country from Los Angeles to New York, or Boston to Seattle, full of passengers oblivious to the commonplace practice it has become.”</p> <p>This pilot compared coast-to-coast flights to “iPhones, microwaves or automobiles” – just one more ordinary miracle of modern life.</p> <h2>Little indignities multiply</h2> <p>The high-risk adventure of air travel has been subdued, yet long flights today can paradoxically feel torturous.</p> <p>As philosopher Michael Marder puts it in his 2022 book “<a href="https://mitpress.mit.edu/9780262543712/philosophy-for-passengers/">Philosophy for Passengers</a>”: “When crew members wish passengers a ‘pleasant journey,’ I hear a dash of cruel irony in their words. How pleasant can the passenger experience be when you are crammed in your seat, with little fresh air, too hot or miserably cold, and sleep deprived?”</p> <p>I asked my colleague and <a href="http://airplanereading.org/story/55/frequent-flight">frequent flier</a> Ian Bogost about his experience of coast-to-coast trips, and his reply was illuminating: “The same trip seems to get longer every year, and less comfortable. There are reasons – consolidation, reduced routes, pilot and air-traffic labor shortages, decaying technical infrastructure – but it still feels like moving backwards.” In spite of widespread attempts to update aircraft and modernize terminals, the vast system of air travel can seem cumbersome and outdated.</p> <p>Recently at The Atlantic, reporter <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2023/07/clear-airport-security-lines-tsa-infrastructure/674809/">Amanda Mull wrote about</a> the biometric screening company Clear, describing this firm’s high-tech service to skip the ubiquitous toil of identity checks before flight, at the cost of surrendering some privacy and personal information. Mull concludes the reason more travelers will likely enroll in this service is that “traversing American airport security is simply that grim.”</p> <p>For Mull, the adventure of contemporary air travel isn’t the destination, or even the journey itself – it’s what you must do to get through the airport.</p> <p>Still, it’s worth noting that the majority of the human population has never boarded an airplane; flying cross-country remains <a href="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/air-space-magazine/how-much-worlds-population-has-flown-airplane-180957719/">a relatively exclusive experience</a>. For most people, the closest they’ll get to a coast-to-coast flight is seeing a small white scratch across the sky, as another airliner makes its arc at 35,000 feet.</p> <h2>2 futures of cross-country flight</h2> <p>Coast-to-coast travel is no longer about breakneck speed or defying elemental odds, and Earhart’s quests to push the limits of aviation couldn’t be further from the bland routines of contemporary air travel. Nor does it involve people dressing to the hilt to step aboard a jetliner for the first time, with passengers stowing their fancy hats in spacious overhead bins.</p> <p>Where are the new frontiers for transcontinental flight today?</p> <p>One area of innovation is in a greener form of flight. Solar Impulse, a completely solar-powered plane, took two months to fly coast-to-coast in 2013. It averages a plodding 45 mph at cruising altitude. As <a href="https://apnews.com/ded34ccc19f24aeea67ba3da130a2be0">The Associated Press reported</a>: “Solar Impulse’s creators view themselves as green pioneers – promoting lighter materials, solar-powered batteries, and conservation as sexy and adventurous. Theirs is the high-flying equivalent of the Tesla electric sports car.” Solar Impulse was more recently <a href="https://aviationweek.com/aerospace/aircraft-propulsion/solar-powered-skydweller-completes-first-autonomous-flights?check_logged_in=1">reconfigured as a remotely piloted aircraft</a>, with new experiments in long-distance solar flight underway.</p> <p>The comparison of Solar Impulse to a Tesla is handy because a different extreme can be found in Elon Musk’s company SpaceX. As part of the relentless development of its biggest vehicle, “Starship,” SpaceX has advertised the possibility of “<a href="https://www.spacex.com/human-spaceflight/earth/">point-to-point</a>” travel on Earth: for example, flying on a commercial rocket from Los Angeles to New York in 25 minutes. Never mind the physical tolls of a normal <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-would-anyone-want-to-sit-on-a-plane-for-over-18-hours-an-economist-takes-the-worlds-longest-flight-122433">19-hour flight</a>; it’s hard to imagine what such a brief yet fast trip would feel like, not to mention what sort of class divisions and bleak industrial launch sites such jaunts would rely on.</p> <p>Get there as fast as possible, using as much fuel as necessary; or glide lazily along, powered by the sun, saving the planet. These are two starkly different visions of coast-to-coast flight, one a dystopian nightmare and the other a utopian dream.</p> <p>In the middle, there’s what most flying mortals do: wait in lines, board unceremoniously and be relieved if you get to your destination without too much discomfort or delay.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/210778/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/christopher-schaberg-1451119">Christopher Schaberg</a>, Director of Public Scholarship, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/arts-and-sciences-at-washington-university-in-st-louis-5659">Arts &amp; Sciences at Washington University in St. Louis</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/air-travel-is-in-a-rut-is-there-any-hope-of-recapturing-the-romance-of-flying-210778">original article</a>.</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Is traditional heterosexual romance sexist?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/beatrice-alba-126402">Beatrice Alba</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a></em></p> <p>Despite progress towards greater gender equality, many people remain stubbornly attached to <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243218809604">old-fashioned</a> gender roles in romantic relationships between women and men.</p> <p>Conventions around heterosexual romance dictate that men should <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-019-00298-7">approach</a> women to initiate romantic interactions, ask women out on <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-019-01056-6">dates</a>, pay on <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/00332941211057144">dates</a>, make marriage <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0743558412447871">proposals</a>, and that women should take their husband’s <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-016-0628-8?fd=5847139347577468%7C5071078435750678&amp;lp=/dating-women">surname</a> after marriage.</p> <p>While some might view these conventions as sexist and anachronistic, others find them captivating and romantic.</p> <p>They reflect differentiated gender roles in which men take the lead and women follow. Feminist <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/02/if-you-want-marriage-equals-then-date-equals/606568/">critiques</a> of such practices argue that they reinforce male <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0192513x10391045">dominance</a> over women in intimate relationships.</p> <p>So we set out to find out why women might still be attracted to these conventions in the modern world. We <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-023-01405-6">surveyed</a> 458 single women in Australia on their preference for these conventions, as well as a range of other attitudes and desires.</p> <p>The study examined whether these conventions might simply be a benign reflection of women’s personal preferences for partners and relationships. But we also considered the possibility that they might be underpinned by sexist attitudes.</p> <h2>What do women want from men?</h2> <p>One possible reason women prefer these romance conventions is simply because they are traditional, and people like traditions. However, many of these conventions only really took hold in the <a href="https://www.google.com.au/books/edition/Labor_of_Love/nqTPCgAAQBAJ?hl=en&amp;gbpv=0">20th century</a>.</p> <p>Some provide a handy script that we can follow in romantic interactions. They help us to navigate the uncertainty of the situation by removing some of the guess work about who should do what.</p> <p>Another possibility is that men’s enactment of these romance conventions indicates their likelihood of being a committed and invested <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0891243213503899">partner</a>. It may also <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-women-including-feminists-are-still-attracted-to-benevolently-sexist-men-101067">signal</a> he has resources available to invest in a relationship (and family), which research shows women find <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797620904154">appealing</a> in a partner.</p> <h2>Women like ‘nice’ men</h2> <p>We <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-023-01405-6">considered</a> whether women’s endorsement of these romance conventions might be explained by their personal preferences for partners and relationships. Specifically, we predicted that the preference for these conventions would be greater among women with a stronger desire to find a committed and invested partner.</p> <p>We found women’s desire for an invested partner was indeed correlated with a greater preference for these conventions. This preference was also stronger among those who favoured a long-term committed relationship and disfavoured short-term casual sexual relationships.</p> <p>We also investigated women’s attraction to dominant men, since these conventions require men to take the lead and play a more active role in romantic encounters. As predicted, women’s attraction to more dominant characteristics in a partner – such as being assertive and powerful – was also correlated with a greater preference for these conventions.</p> <h2>But is it sexist?</h2> <p><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-016-0628-8?fd=5847139347577468%7C5071078435750678&amp;lp=/dating-women">Previous research</a> has found that sexist attitudes and feminist identity are also relevant.</p> <p>We found women who preferred these romance conventions were less likely to identify as a feminist. They were also higher on <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-00159-001">benevolent sexism</a>, which is a chivalrous form of sexism that idealises women, but also views them as less competent and needing men’s protection. We even found that they were higher on hostile sexism, which is a more overt form of sexism towards women.</p> <p>Importantly, we analysed all these variables together to reveal the strongest predictor of the preference for these romance conventions.</p> <p>We found women’s desire for an invested partner and a long-term relationship no longer accounted for women’s preference for these conventions. However, women who were less inclined to short-term casual sexual relationships were still more likely to prefer these conventions.</p> <p>The strongest predictor of the preference for these conventions was benevolent sexism. This is somewhat unsurprising, since these conventions look very much like expressions of benevolent sexism in a romantic context.</p> <p>Most strikingly, overt or hostile sexism still predicted women’s preference for these conventions.</p> <p>In short, sexism stood out beyond women’s personal preferences for partners and relationships. This ultimately supports this idea that these conventions may be underpinned by sexist attitudes.</p> <h2>Is romance incompatible with gender equality?</h2> <p>Old-fashioned romance might seem benign and even enchanting. But some might find it problematic if it reinforces inequality between women and men in romantic <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0963721416686213">relationships</a>. We know that even subtle forms of <a href="https://theconversation.com/still-serving-guests-while-your-male-relatives-relax-everyday-sexism-like-this-hurts-womens-mental-health-116728">everyday sexism</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/no-chivalry-is-not-dead-but-its-about-time-it-was-174197">benevolent sexism</a> are harmful to women’s wellbeing and success.</p> <p>As society moves towards greater gender equality, we may become increasingly aware of how rigid and restrictive gender roles play out in the context of private relationships.</p> <p>Some might fear that increasing gender equality means the death of romance. But romance among those with diverse genders and sexualities should reassure us that it doesn’t require a universal and pre-determined script.</p> <p>Perhaps a more critical understanding of ourselves might help us relinquish our attachment to following a simplistic formula set by others.</p> <p>Embracing individual differences over inflexible conventions may also allow us the freedom to explore alternatives. We might start to see more egalitarian, or even female-led, romance.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/210546/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/beatrice-alba-126402"><em>Beatrice Alba</em></a><em>, Lecturer, School of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-traditional-heterosexual-romance-sexist-210546">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Man proposes to high school sweetheart after rekindling their romance

<p dir="ltr">Over 60 years ago, Thomas and Nancy met when they were in high school and fell in love. </p> <p dir="ltr">Despite their feelings for each other, their romance didn’t last and they fell out of touch as life moved on. </p> <p dir="ltr">Sixty years on, Thomas and Nancy rekindled their relationship and spent three weeks having phone conversations to discover their affection for each other never died. </p> <p dir="ltr">Nancy then decided to fly to Thomas’ home state of Florida for an emotional reunion, and was shocked by the surprise she arrived at. </p> <p dir="ltr">Walking off the plane in the city of Tampa, Nancy was greeted by Thomas on one knee, delivering an emotional speech about how much he loves her, before he asked her to marry him. </p> <p dir="ltr">The heart-felt moment, captured by a fellow traveller and posted to TikTok, shows Thomas dressed up in a suit, waiting nervously for Nancy to arrive with a big smile on his face.</p> <p dir="ltr">Upon seeing her, he handed her a bouquet of roses and gave her a tender kiss before he pulled out his ring and started professing his love. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CuQIG3Mr0GA/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CuQIG3Mr0GA/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by PerezHilton.com (@perezhilton)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">“My dear Nancy, it's been 60 years since we first met, 56 years since we first dated, 10 years since I last saw you, and 20 days since we began this,” he said, his voice shaky with emotion. </p> <p dir="ltr">“You have always been the one I've had a crush on, since your cheerleader days.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“It brings a smile to my face, it makes my heart skip a beat [to see you]. For the last three weeks, I have thought of you every day, every hour and have talked to you every night for hours.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I have longed to see you again, hold you in my arms, and tell you how much you mean to me.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“So Nancy, I come to you humbly today, June 30, with a proposal. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and cherish every moment we will have together.” </p> <p dir="ltr">“I love you more than words can express, more than you can ever comprehend. I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you and making you the happiest woman in the world.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“Will you Nancy, give me the honour of being my soulmate in life? My partner in every sense of the word, my beloved wife forever? Will you marry me?”</p> <p dir="ltr">Nancy, who had started to cry while Thomas was talking, quickly said yes to the proposal, which resulted in Thomas cheering and a group of strangers who had stopped to watch clapping for the couple before they embraced in a big hug. </p> <p dir="ltr">The TikTok creator also shared a snap of Thomas and Nancy posing together while holding up a sign that read, “She said yes!”</p> <p dir="ltr">The video has gained millions of views, and it sparked a slew of comments from people who said they were “sobbing” over Nancy and Thomas' love story.</p> <p dir="ltr">“They were meant to be, nor time or distance tore them apart,” one person wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">Another said, “When two souls are meant to be, they will find each other.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: TikTok</em></p>

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Settle in with one of these top reads this winter

<p dir="ltr">It can be challenging deciding on a new book to read, but with these titles releasing throughout July 2023, you’re sure to find something to settle in with.</p> <p dir="ltr">Whether an edge-of-your-seat murder mystery, a laugh-out-loud romantic escapade, or even a deep-space adventure is more your cup of tea, the time has come to dive into your next favourite novel, and maybe even convince your book club to read along with you. </p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>For the budding detectives out there:</strong></p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><em><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/zero-days-ruth-ware/book/9781398508408.html">Zero Days</a></em>, Ruth Ware</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“Hired by companies to break into buildings and hack security systems, Jack and her husband Gabe are the best penetration specialists in the business. But after a routine assignment goes horribly wrong, Jack arrives home to find her husband dead. To add to her horror, the police are closing in on their only suspect – her.</p> <p dir="ltr">“On the run and out of options, Jack must decide who she can trust as she circles closer to the truth in this unputdownable and heart-pounding mystery from 'one of the best thriller writers around today' Ruth Ware.”</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><em><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/four-dogs-missing-rhys-gard/book/9781760687724.html">Four Dogs Missing</a></em>, Rhys Gard</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“While estranged twins Oliver and Theo Wingfield are identical in appearance, they couldn't be more different. Theo, an extrovert verging on arrogant, was always a drifter, a nomad, operating on the fringes of the law. Oliver, intense, creative and introspective, was destined to become a winemaker. Each vintage, every bottle from Oliver's Mudgee-based label, Four Dogs Missing, sells out.</p> <p dir="ltr">“And now, after fifteen years without contact, Theo unexpectedly turns up at his brother's vineyard, bearing an invitation that his twin knows nothing about. The quiet and fulfilling life that the winemaker has built for himself is about to change overnight: Theo's arrival is the catalyst for a series of murders involving those closest to Oliver. Finding himself the main suspect, Oliver soon discovers that not everyone in Mudgee supports a reclusive and unorthodox vigneron who's shied away from the community that helped him succeed.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Oliver is inexorably drawn into a sinister world where poisoned liquor and stolen art leave a deadly trail. Abandoning his grapevines, he sets out to solve the crimes – and confront his damaged past – before someone else he loves is found dead … beside a bottle of his own wine.”</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><em><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/none-of-this-is-true-lisa-jewell/book/9781529195989.html">None of This is True</a></em>, Lisa Jewell </p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“Celebrating her 45th birthday at her local pub, popular podcaster Alix Summers crosses paths with an unassuming woman called Josie Fair. Josie, it turns out, is also celebrating her 45th birthday. They are, in fact, birthday twins.</p> <p dir="ltr">“A few days later, Alix and Josie bump into each other again, this time outside Alix's children's school. Josie has been listening to Alix's podcasts and thinks she might be an interesting subject for her series. She is, she tells Alix, on the cusp of great changes in her life.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Josie's life appears to be strange and complicated, and although Alix finds her unsettling, she can't quite resist the temptation to keep making the podcast.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Slowly Alix starts to realise that Josie has been hiding some very dark secrets, and before she knows it Josie has inveigled her way into Alix's life - and into her home.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But, as quickly as she arrived, Josie disappears. Only then does Alix discover that Josie has left a terrible and terrifying legacy in her wake, and that Alix has become the subject of her own true crime podcast, her life and her family's lives under mortal threat.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Who is Josie Fair? And what has she done?”</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>For the sci-fi fanatics:</strong></p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><em><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/circle-of-death-james-patterson/book/9781529136630.html">Circle of Death</a></em>, James Patterson</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“Since Lamont Cranston - known to a select few as the Shadow - defeated Shiwan Khan and ended his reign of terror over New York one year ago, the city has started to regenerate.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But there is evil brewing elsewhere. And this time the entire world is under threat.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Which is why Lamont has scoured the globe to assemble a team with unmatched talent.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Only their combined powers can foil an enemy with ambitions and abilities beyond anyone's deepest fears.</p> <p dir="ltr">“As their mission takes them across the globe and into the highest corridors of power - pushing them beyond their limits - can justice prevail?”</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><em><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/a-psalm-for-the-wild-built-becky-chambers/book/9781250320216.html">A Psalm for the Wild-Built</a></em>, Becky Chambers</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“It's been centuries since the robots of Panga gained self-awareness and laid down their tools; centuries since they wandered, en masse, into the wilderness, never to be seen again; centuries since they faded into myth and urban legend.</p> <p dir="ltr">“One day, the life of a tea monk is upended by the arrival of a robot, there to honor the old promise of checking in. The robot cannot go back until the question of "what do people need?" is answered.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But the answer to that question depends on who you ask, and how.</p> <p dir="ltr">“They're going to need to ask it a lot.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Becky Chambers's new series asks: in a world where people have what they want, does having more matter?”</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><em><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-mother-fault-kate-mildenhall/book/9781760859848.html">The Mother Fault</a></em>, Kate Mildenhall</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“Mim’s husband is missing. No one knows where Ben is, but everyone wants to find him – especially The Department. And they should know, the all-seeing government body has fitted the entire population with a universal tracking chip to keep them ‘safe’.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But suddenly Ben can’t be tracked. And Mim is questioned, made to surrender her passport and threatened with the unthinkable – her two children being taken into care at the notorious BestLife.</p> <p dir="ltr">“From the stark backroads of the Australian outback to a terrifying sea voyage, Mim is forced to shuck off who she was – mother, daughter, wife, sister – and become the woman she needs to be to save her family and herself.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>For those with a passion for romance: </strong></p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/palazzo-danielle-steel/book/9781529022421.html"><em>Palazzo</em></a>, Danielle Steel</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“After her parents perish in a tragic accident, Cosima Saverio assumes leadership of her family's haute couture Italian leather brand. While navigating the challenges of running a company at twenty-three, Cosima must also maintain the elegant four-hundred-year-old family palazzo in Venice and care for her younger siblings: Allegra, who survived the tragedy that killed their parents, and Luca, who has a penchant for wild parties, pretty women, and poker tables.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Cosima navigates her personal and professional challenges with a wisdom beyond her years, but her success has come at a cost: Her needs are always secondary. She's married to the business, and her free time is given to those who rely on her . . . until she meets Olivier Bayard, the founder of France's most successful ready-to-wear handbag company.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But Luca's gambling habit gets out of control and Cosima is forced to make an impossible choice to save him. The palazzo, the family business or cut Luca loose. Or is there another way to rescue everything she has fought for before it goes up in flames?”</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-willow-tree-wharf-leonie-kelsall/book/9781761066092.html"><em>The Willow Tree Wharf</em></a>, Leonie Kelsall</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“Samantha, owner of Settlers Bridge cafe Ploughs and Pies, is short on confidence and big on regrets. Married young to fill the void left by an unhappy childhood, she still works in the same small town where she grew up, too filled with self-doubt and insecurity to ever risk spreading her wings. Yet will the end of her abusive marriage force her to start anew?</p> <p dir="ltr">“City restaurateur Pierce di Angelis knows what it is to have his career and family ripped away. However, a chance encounter with the intriguing Samantha ignites his passion, and together they concoct a plan for a destination restaurant.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But, with their personalities like oil and water, will old hurts and hidden truths destroy the new business before it's afloat?”</p> <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation"><em><a href="https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-forgotten-bookshop-in-paris-daisy-wood/book/9780008525248.html">The Forgotten Bookshop in Paris</a></em>, Daisy Wood</p> </li> </ul> <p dir="ltr">“Paris, 1940: War is closing in on the city of love. With his wife forced into hiding, Jacques must stand by and watch as the Nazis take away everything he holds dear. Everything except his last beacon of hope: his beloved bookshop, La Page Cachée.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But when a young woman and her child knock on his door one night and beg for refuge, he knows his only option is to risk it all once more to save a life…</p> <p dir="ltr">“Modern day: Juliette and her husband have finally made it to France on the romantic getaway of her dreams – but as the days pass, all she discovers is quite how far they’ve grown apart. She’s craving a new adventure, so when she happens across a tiny, abandoned shop with a for-sale sign in the window, it feels fated.</p> <p dir="ltr">“And she’s about to learn that the forgotten bookshop hides a lot more than meets the eye…”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

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"Missing her already": The Chase star confirms long-rumoured romance

<p><em>The Chase</em> star Mark Labbett has confirmed his long-rumoured romance, sharing sweet snaps to Instagram of the happy couple. </p> <p>Labbett, known as The Beast on the UK quiz show, confirmed his relationship with British TV presenter and producer Hayley Palmer, who joined Labbett in Los Angeles recently, where he is filming the US version of <em>The Chase</em> and a separate game show, <em>Master Minds</em>. </p> <p>When Palmer’s short trip came to an end, Labbett shared a snap of him and his girlfriend together, confirming the romance that has long sparked rumours. </p> <p>“It was Hayley’s last day today. Missing her already,” he wrote, alongside a broken heart emoji.</p> <p>After Palmer headed home, Labbett shared an update on Twitter to tell his fans that all was well.</p> <p>A source told <em><a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/tv/22732613/the-chases-mark-labbett-heartbroken-emotional-goodbye-new-girlfriend/#:~:text=Mark%2C%20known%20as%20The%20Beast,message%20to%20girlfriend%20Hayley%20Palmer." target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Sun</a></em> that Palmer “caught a plane to LA on Wednesday to see Mark” for a short romantic getaway. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Ctg2NbPr7he/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Ctg2NbPr7he/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Mark Labbett (@markthebeastlabbett)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“He’s working really hard but wants to make time for her at the weekend,” the source said.</p> <p>“She’s been so busy with her own projects back in London, but they’re both determined to make this work."</p> <p>“Hayley’s even bagged herself an interview with a US radio station, a podcast appearance and she’ll be reporting from Hollywood for GB News.”</p> <p>The couple reportedly met at the National Television Awards in the UK last October, and have been spotted sporadically on each other's social media accounts ever since. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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“The greatest American novelist” Cormac McCarthy passes away at 89

<p dir="ltr">American novelist Cormac McCarthy, the mind behind the classic works <em>The Road</em>, <em>No Country for Old Men</em>, and <em>All the Pretty Horses</em>, has passed away at the age of 89. </p> <p dir="ltr">The news was broken by McCarthy’s publisher, Alfred A Knopf, with a post to social media announcing that the Pulitzer Prize-winning writer had “died today of natural causes at his home in Santa Fe, New Mexico.”</p> <p dir="ltr">McCarthy enjoyed a near 60-year career, penning 12 novels, five screenplays, three short stories, and two plays. And while some may not have soared to commercial heights, many achieved critical acclaim, with late literary critic Howard Bloom even dubbing him the “true heir” of the likes of Herman Melville and William Faulkner. </p> <p dir="ltr">And in 2007, his novel 2006<em> The Road</em> won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, and the James Tait Black Memorial Prize, also for Fiction. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>The Road </em>was arguably McCarthy’s best known work, and followed the journey of a father and his son in a post-apocalyptic world. It was adapted into a film in 2009, like McCarthy’s other two critically acclaimed books, <em>All the Pretty Horses</em> and<em> No Country for Old Men</em>. The latter saw great success in the 2008 Academy Awards, claiming the coveted title of Best Picture.</p> <p dir="ltr">And despite his literary accomplishments, McCarthy opted to remain in relative obscurity for the majority of his career. In 1992, the<em> New York Times Book Review </em>suggested that he might be “the best unknown novelist in America”.</p> <p dir="ltr">The media painted McCarthy as a reclusive figure, and it was well-known that the author preferred not to discuss his books, though Oprah Winfrey managed to get him in for his first - and only - TV interview after <em>The Road </em>featured in her book club.</p> <p dir="ltr">“You always have this hope that ‘today I'm going to do something better than I've ever done’," he told her. "I like what I do."</p> <p dir="ltr">“Some writers have said in print that they hated writing, it was just a chore and a burden. I certainly don't feel that way about it,” McCarthy went on to explain. “Sometimes it's difficult but you always have this image of the perfect thing which you can never achieve but which you never stop trying to achieve."</p> <p dir="ltr">Friends, writers, and fans took to social media in the wake of the news, with tributes to share their love for McCarthy and his works, as well as their agreement that he had achieved something very special throughout his life and literature. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Cormac McCarthy, maybe the greatest American novelist of my time, has passed away at 89,” author Stephen King wrote. “He was full of years and created a fine body of work, but I still mourn his passing.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“When a great artist dies, there is the moment when the world understands it will never again have a new creation from that mind, that heart, that vast soul. It is a loss beyond measure, but what that soul has left us is a gift beyond time,” writer Joseph Fasano shared. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I love every book McCarthy wrote,” one fan declared. “From a film point of view, his writing was so good that the Coen Brothers hardly changed a word of dialogue when they adapted <em>No Country For Old Men</em>. Why would they? You can't improve on perfection.”</p> <p dir="ltr">And as another said, “Cormac McCarthy’s writing was mean, and despairing, with a pretty withering view of humankind, and the cruel engines that drive it. but he had that faint flicker of belief that it could be different. ‘He can know his heart, but he don’t want to.’ gotta tend that flame folks. RIP.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

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The 10 best romance novels of all time

<p>Books in which man meets woman, man woos woman (or woman woos man), and man and woman live happily ever after are a dime a dozen. Enjoyable, for sure, but not what you'd call memorable. So, Reader’s Digest have come up with a list of 10 of the best romance novels that tell favourite, and timeless, love stories, each of which goes above and beyond basic romance.</p> <p>Whether it’s glimpsing 19th-century Russia in <em>Anna Karenina</em> or witnessing endless family drama on the Australian outback in <em>The Thorn Birds</em>, each of these fabulous books has something special.</p> <p>“These are much more than love stories; they are life stories,” says US Select Editions editor-in-chief Laura Kelly.</p> <p>“If you like a good love story, books are so much more satisfying than movies,” she continues.</p> <p>“Books take you into the minds of all the characters, where their hopes and dreams will really fire up your own imagination.”</p> <p><strong>1. <em>The Thorn Birds</em> by Colleen McCullough (1977)</strong></p> <p>Set in 1915 Australia, this remarkable saga chronicles the forbidden love between a beautiful, headstrong young girl and a priest.</p> <p>You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll stay up way too late reading this fabulous story.</p> <p><strong>2.<em> Jane Eyre</em> by Charlotte Brontë (1847)</strong></p> <p>“Reader, I married him.” Charlotte Brontë’s gothic masterpiece, with its unyielding heroine, dashing love interest Mr. Rochester, creepy manor house, and foggy English countryside, has become synonymous with 19th-century romance.</p> <p>And writing love stories ran in the Brontë family – Charlotte’s sister Emily’s classic <em>Wuthering Heights</em> is also a strong contender for this list of best romance novels.</p> <p><strong>3. <em>This Is How You Lose Her</em> by Junot Díaz (2013)</strong></p> <p>Technically a collection of short stories, <em>This Is How You Lose Her</em> counts as a novel because the stories all somehow connect back to the same one character’s life.</p> <p>The impressive way the Pulitzer Prize-winning Díaz weaves together multiple love stories – happy and sad, fleeting and lasting – from all around the world makes this one of the best romance novels of the 21st century.</p> <p><strong>4. <em>The Notebook</em> by Nicholas Sparks (1996)</strong></p> <p>Nicholas Sparks has made a name for himself as the writer of some of the best romance novels in recent years.</p> <p>Though he’s written more than 20 books, his first has stood the test of time for a reason.</p> <p>Noah and Allie’s tear-jerking, decade-spanning story remains the wonderfully escapist romantic read it was 20 years ago.</p> <p><strong>5.<em> Call Me By Your Name</em> by André Aciman (2007)</strong></p> <p>Even if you’ve seen the Academy Award-winning film, this enchanting story of first love and self-discovery is still more than worth a read.</p> <p>Prepare to fall just as in love with the magnificent Italian setting as with the story of summer romance and intoxicating attraction.</p> <p><strong>6.<em> The French Lieutenant’s Woman</em> by John Fowles (1969)</strong></p> <p>A Victorian gentleman is engaged to a wealthy and suitable woman, but when he encounters a beautiful, mysterious woman rumoured to be the forsaken lover of a French lieutenant, he becomes utterly smitten.</p> <p>Truly magnificent entertainment.</p> <p><strong>7. <em>Beautiful Disaster </em>by Jamie McGuire (2012)</strong></p> <p>With an edgy, modern twist on the good-girl-meets-bad-boy theme, <em>Beautiful Disaster</em> has topped must-read romance lists for a reason.</p> <p>After reinventing herself just before college, Abby finds herself involved in a tantalising bet with her school’s resident tattooed player.</p> <p>Neither of them is prepared for the results.</p> <p><strong>8.<em> The Time Traveler’s Wife</em> by Audrey Niffenegger (2003)</strong></p> <p>Every love has its challenges, and while your husband being an unwitting time traveller may not be one you’re familiar with, this four-hanky tale will still tug on your heartstrings.</p> <p><strong>9. <em>Anna Karenina </em>by Leo Tolstoy (1877)</strong></p> <p>Trapped in a loveless marriage, Anna Karenina succumbs to temptation and embarks on a dangerous affair with the handsome Vronsky.</p> <p>Tragedy unfolds amid the canvas of 19th-century Russia, in the most famous of doomed love stories.</p> <p>A memorable and enduring classic.</p> <p><strong>10. <em>Outlander </em>by Diana Gabaldon (1991)</strong></p> <p>A powerhouse time-travel romance, this is the first in Gabaldon’s hugely successful series.</p> <p>Strong, beautiful Claire Randall leads a double life, married to a man in one century, with a lover in another century.</p> <p>Filled with humour, passion, wit and wonderful Scottish scenery, this is one fast read for a 600-plus page book.</p> <p>Enjoy the wallow!</p> <p><em>Written by Reader’s Digest Editors. This article first appeared in </em><em><a href="http://www.readersdigest.co.nz/true-stories-lifestyle/book-club/10-best-romance-novels-all-time">Reader’s Digest</a></em><em>.</em></p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Books

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Long-married couples said not to know each other as well as newlyweds

<p>You would think decades of marriage together would give older couples plenty of time to get to know each other but an interesting new study suggests otherwise, finding that couples who have been together for decades are worse at predicting what their partner likes than newlyweds.</p> <p>The study, published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, tested young couples, aged from 19 to 32, who had been together for an average of two years and older couples, aged from 62 to 78, who had been together for at least 40 years. Each of the 116 participants was presented with a series of descriptions (of foods, movies, house designs and so on) and asked to rate his or her preference and predict how their partner would rate the item. They were also asked to estimate how many of their predictions were correct.</p> <p>And well, overall, we’re not great at knowing what our significant other likes, even though we think we are. Young couples got 42 per cent of their predictions right and older couples only predicted 36 per cent of their partners’ preferences, when both couple groups overconfidently estimated they would get 62 per cent of answers right.</p> <p>“This is surprising because, compared to younger couples, older couples had much more time and opportunities to learn about each other's preferences over the course of their relationship,” the team of psychologist wrote.</p> <p>They suggested that younger couples may be more motivated to understand their partners during the early stages of a relationship.</p> <p>“Another reason could be that older couples pay less attention to each other, because they view their relationship as already firmly committed or because they think they already know their partner well,” said one of the researchers, Dr Benjamin Scheibehenne of the University of Basel.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Divorce led me to my true love

<p><em><strong>Over60 community member, Mary Green, 63, shares her story about how when her marriage suddenly ended after 44 years she found that it was a blessing in disguise.</strong></em></p> <p>"On the Easter weekend of 2012 I was dumped by my husband of 44 years! After a small disagreement I had gone to our holiday flat on a remote golf course outside Melbourne to work on a book fast approaching its publishing deadline. When I messaged that I would be back on Tuesday, he replied by SMS that he had changed the locks.</p> <p>I was incredulous. Marriage is often not easy, but I was about to find out just how tough I was. For the next two months I travelled gypsy style between the golf flat and the tiny new South Yarra studio my second of three sons had just moved into. I have not been inside our family home since.</p> <p>This was the situation I was in when I decided to date. At 63 I just started again. I joined three online dating sites and did not waste time. I booked to meet seven men in the next seven days, apparently breaking all the rules of being cautious and discreet. All seven men were polite and interesting. We had a coffee or met in a wine bar and I had fun, but there was no chemistry. I was just happy being free from my husband.</p> <p>During this time my husband sent my belonging to me on a truck (which I paid for) and when I was sorting through the boxes of files, a page caught my eye. It was the minutes of the golf estate owner’s corporation, and out jumped the name of a man that I had been at school with. Our sisters were best friends in those days. I checked Facebook, and there he was, with three children, seven grandchildren – but I couldn’t see a wife. A bit of messaging banter later, I asked him to ring me.</p> <p>We met up for a drink that turned into dinner and a hug that I will never forget. In my eyes he was still the handsome sporting hero that I had beaten in the high school mixed doubles tennis finals. He was not looking to date. I hoped he would just give me some lessons in online dating. He had been divorced for about 15 years and had two very long relationships with women that he had met on dating sites. He told me that my booking of seven men in seven days was breaking the rules, but also admitted that he had stacked his dates, just hours apart, in order to meet them all. By Christmas 2012 we were a couple in love.</p> <p>It’s been nearly two years since that first date and I am grateful for the internet and the coincidence that we both owned property on the same golfing estate. He plays A Grade, and I try. We are similar in so many other ways that it’s quite spooky sometimes. Our families have embraced each other and the joy of just knowing he is there helps me immensely through what has been a difficult time.</p> <p>Having worked as a support in my ex-husband’s career, and suddenly having to pay bills without a job of my own, led me to Centrelink. They said that I was too old to retrain at no cost, unless I wanted to study Aged Care – something rather peculiar in that thinking, a subsidised course in bookwork software would be more useful and help me save on accountant’s fees. In the meantime I’m setting up my own Facebook blog, called Healthy Ageing. If I can find a good man on the internet, I am optimistic about building a good lifestyle on it too."</p> <p><em>*Names have been changed</em></p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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5 authors who hated the film adaptation of their book

<p>Most movies these days are adapted from something – whether it’s a book, a musical, a news story or even another film. However, commercial and critical success doesn’t necessarily guarantee everyone will be happy. Surprisingly, the authors of these 5 movies didn’t think much of the film adaptations of their books.</p> <p><strong>1. <em>Mary Poppins</em></strong></p> <p>Author of <em>Mary Poppins</em> P. L. Travers initially had no problem with her book being turned into a film, until she discovered that Disney had disregarded almost all of her edits. When it was released in 1964, then-65-year-old Travers voiced her disapproval at the animated scenes and the downplaying of Poppins’ stricter side. She reportedly spent most of the film premiere crying, and vowed never to let Disney near another of her books.</p> <p><strong>2. <em>The Shining</em></strong></p> <p>With such a prolific author like Stephen King, there are bound to be a few hits and misses when it comes to film adaptations. After King put his faith in acclaimed director Stanley Kubrick, whom he greatly admired, he found himself extremely disappointed in the final product, which went on to become a horror classic. “Kubrick just couldn't grasp the sheer inhuman evil of The Overlook Hotel,” the author explained. “So he looked, instead, for evil in the characters and made the film into a domestic tragedy with only vaguely supernatural overtones.”</p> <p><strong>3. <em>Forrest Gump</em></strong></p> <p>The 1995 Best Picture winner was a hit with everyone – except author Winston Groom, that is. Angry at the filmmakers for toning down the language and sexual references as well as omitting certain important plot points, Groom got back at Hollywood in the first few lines of the book’s sequel: “Don't never let nobody make a movie of your life's story,” he writes "Whether they get it right or wrong, it don't matter.” Groom sued the producers after failing to receive his promised 3% cut of the profits, and wasn’t mentioned in any of the six Oscar acceptance speeches by the cast and crew.</p> <p><strong>4. <em>A Clockwork Orange</em></strong></p> <p>It’s one thing to hate the film adaptation of your book, but to end up hating the book itself? It seems strange, but that’s exactly what happened to Anthony Burgess. Years after the release of the book and the film, Burgess claimed he regretted writing the book, which he wrote in three weeks and only because he was desperate for money, so was unhappy when it was turned into a film that “seemed to glorify sex and violence.” He adds, “The film made it easy for readers of the book to misunderstand what it was about, and the misunderstanding will pursue me till I die.”</p> <p><strong>5. <em>Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory</em></strong></p> <p>One of the most beloved films of all time, the adaptation of <em>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory</em> certainly wasn’t beloved by Roald Dahl. He thought the 1971 film was “crummy” and that Gene Wilder’s portrayal of Willy Wonka was “pretentious” and “bouncy”, claiming director Mel Stuart had “no talent or flair”. For this reason, as long as the rights to his work is in the hands of his family, you’ll never see the book’s sequel, <em>Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator</em>, grace the silver screen.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Books

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Murder charge levelled at children's book author

<p>Author Kouri Richins wrote a children’s book on grief following the death of her husband in 2022. She is now being charged with his murder.</p> <p>Richins was arrested on May 7 in Utah and is accused of charging documents of poisoning her husband with a lethal dose of fentanyl at their home in Kamas, a small mountain town near Park City.</p> <p>Prosecutors allege Richins called authorities in the middle of the night in March 2022 to report that her husband, Eric Richins, was “cold to the touch”.</p> <p>The mum-of-three told authorities she had made her husband a mixed vodka drink to celebrate him selling a home and then went to soothe one of their children in their bedroom. She later returned and found her husband unresponsive, which prompted her to call 911.</p> <p>A medical examiner later found five times the lethal dosage of fentanyl in his system.</p> <p>Additionally, Richins is facing charges involving the alleged possession of GHB - a narcolepsy drug typically used in recreational settings, including at dance clubs.</p> <p>The charges, which are based on officers’ interactions with Richins that evening and the account of an “unnamed acquaintance” who claimed to have sold her the fentanyl, come two months after Richins appeared on local television to promote Are You With Me, a picture book she wrote to help children cope with the death of a loved one.</p> <p>For a segment called Good Things Utah, Richins referred to her husband’s death as unexpected and explained how it sent her and her three boys spiralling. In terms of children, she said, grieving was about “making sure that their spirit is always alive in your home”.</p> <p>“It’s ... explaining to my kid just because he’s not present here with us physically, doesn’t mean his presence isn’t here with us,” she told the reporters, who commended her for being an amazing mother.</p> <p>Richins’ lawyer, Sky Lazaro, declined to comment on the charges.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Instagram</em></p>

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Aussie author of "Puberty Blues" dies at 64

<p dir="ltr">Gabrielle Carey, co-author of the iconic novel <em>Puberty Blues</em>, has passed away at 64. </p> <p dir="ltr">The news was reportedly broken by Carey’s old friend and co-writer Kathy Lette, who was the other half of the creative powerhouse that brought<em> Puberty Blues </em>to life. </p> <p dir="ltr">In a post to social media, Lette shared a throwback picture of the pair in their younger years, and wrote, “I’m deeply saddened by the tragic news about my old friend Gabrielle Carey. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I have such happy memories of our teenage years. They were halcyon, heady days full of love, laughter and adventure.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We made some mischief and broke some barriers by writing <em>Puberty Blues</em> – our raw, earthy take on the brutal treatment of young women in the Australian surfing scene which is sadly, still so relevant. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My heartfelt condolences to her family and friends.”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">I’m deeply saddened by the tragic news about my old friend Gabrielle Carey. I have such happy memories of our teenage years. They were halcyon, heady days full of love, laughter and adventure. 1/2 🧵 <a href="https://t.co/2wZZiRf1hd">pic.twitter.com/2wZZiRf1hd</a></p> <p>— Kathy Lette (@KathyLette) <a href="https://twitter.com/KathyLette/status/1654136967636959234?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">May 4, 2023</a></p></blockquote> <p dir="ltr">The groundbreaking book they penned together,  which went on to be adapted as both a movie and a hit TV series, was a candid - then-controversial - story of two teenage girls growing up in Sydney’s Sutherland Shire. </p> <p dir="ltr">It pushed boundaries, captivated young audiences while tackling themes many did not expect for said target audience, and is regarded by many as being the first Australian teenage novel to be written by teens.</p> <p dir="ltr">From <em>Puberty Blues</em>, Carey went on to publish memoirs and nonfiction works, with another of her books - her 1984 <em>Just Us</em>, which covered her relationship with rapist and prisoner Terry Haley, who she married while he was imprisoned - also made into a telemovie in 1986. </p> <p dir="ltr">No suspicious circumstances surrounded her death, according to <em>The Australian</em>, though the tragic news comes just months after she wrote about her father’s suicide in <em>The Sydney Morning Herald</em>. </p> <p dir="ltr">At the time, Carey had revealed she was afraid of reaching 64, as that was when he too had passed on.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It was only decades later, when my father died from suicide on the very day he turned 64, that I became terrified of that number,” she wrote. “If I have inherited my father’s disposition for depression, did that mean I would also end up in an early grave?</p> <p dir="ltr">Carey’s early passing is one that has hit her friends and her fans hard, with many joining Lette in sharing their grief and their condolences on social media. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Farewell dear Gabrielle. You were a sister in the cause of mental illness, its impact &amp; our children. I’m enriched for having known you,” one supporter wrote. “Thank you.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“Writer - Reader - Intellectual - Joycean (fanatical) - Elizabeth von Arnim devotee - Avid Gardener - Rose Petal Jam Maker - Football Follower - Kayaker - Yogi - Joker - Irrepressible Spirit - Hobbit - Underground Writer - My Friend,” friend and fellow writer Yumna Kassab wrote. “I will always miss you.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“So sorry for your loss,” one fan said in response to Lette’s tweet. “You have no idea how much as a girl growing up in a coastal town with a surfing scene I understood <em>Puberty Blues</em>. I saw it every day. You &amp; Gabrielle laid it all bare &amp; made girls stand up for themselves. Thank you”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“My deepest condolences Kathy,” another offered. “The two of you wrote something so treasured by Gen X girls. It was our ‘how to say no guide’. Our Teen handbook. But it still let us live our lives &amp; learn as we went. RIP Gabrielle Carey.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Facebook</em></p>

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