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Readers response: What’s the best book you’ve read recently, and what did you love about it?

<p>With hundreds of new books on the market, it's hard to know what are the best to recommend.</p> <p>We asked our readers what the best book they've read recently is and what did they love about it, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Helen Ulgekutt</strong> - The Venice Hotel by Tess Woods, loved it start to finish.</p> <p><strong>Zoy Crizzle</strong> - The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. Great book, so easy to read and an interesting story line. I loved it.</p> <p><strong>Keralie Stack</strong> - I have just finished Fallen Woman by Fiona McIntosh. A good read.</p> <p><strong>Karen Peardon</strong> - The Borrowed Life of Frederick Fife by Anna Johnston. A great story.</p> <p><strong>Nola Schmidt</strong> - The Perfect Passion Company by Alexander McCall Smith. It was clever, witty, and gentle. </p> <p><strong>June Lennie</strong> - People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks. Interesting story set in different historical periods. Brilliantly written and researched.</p> <p><strong>Christine Hayes</strong> - Where the Crawdads Sing, just beautiful.</p> <p><strong>Sandra Moores</strong> - All That's Left Unsaid by Tracey Lien. A great debut based in Cabramatta, very compelling read.</p> <p><strong>Greg Cudmore </strong>- 'To Alpha From Omega'. Although very much Australian, its themes are universal.</p> <p><strong>Denise Zephyr</strong> - The Days I Loved You Most. Such a beautiful story and a beautiful ending.</p> <p><strong>Marie Chong</strong> - Minding Frankie by Maeve Binchy. I love all her books, she tells a good story.</p> <p><strong>Yvonne Bercov</strong> - The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, couldn’t put it down.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Books

Arguing with the people you love? How to have a healthy family dispute

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p>Unlike Britain’s royal family, most of us don’t have the option to move to another country when we don’t see eye to eye. But most of us have likely experienced disagreements with loved ones.</p> <p><a href="https://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/soc/faculty/heritage/Site/Publications_files/CA_as_SOCIAL_THEORY.pdf">Conversations are designed to</a> do things – to start some action, and complete it – whether it’s a service transaction, an invitation to coffee or reassurance on a bad day. Our <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=ZnhyDwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false">uniquely complex communicative system</a> has evolved to help us get things done in the social world.</p> <p>Arguments are part of this complex system. They can be unavoidable, necessary or even productive. But they can also be difficult.</p> <p>It can be hard to know what to do when tensions are high and harsh words are flying, particularly when it involves someone you’re close to. But research on how disputes unfold – and conversation more generally – offers some ideas about the best way to handle one.</p> <h2>What is a dispute?</h2> <p>There are many words for disagreeing, and there are plenty of academic theories describing what disputes are and why they happen. But arguments are not abstract models. They’re lived in, breathed in, sweated in and talked (or sometimes shouted) into being.</p> <p>Research focusing on <a href="https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/288351315.pdf">how disputes actually happen</a> shows they’re characterised by three types of features. First are the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216606000488">vocal features</a>, which include talking in a higher pitch, louder and faster. Then, there are <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1750481310395452?casa_token=MCNQWEQD6HwAAAAA:8nbyXh-cgjWzfL3syRrwybRFQl_ddHIMy9tRIAwPRAFADrgHtR2LSl9ZoUFsVlnzWPjWaKQZZ9XEVA">embodied features</a> such as aggressive gestures and avoidant stances, such as turning away from someone. Finally, there are <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/01638539009544746?casa_token=BB9edpIE1oUAAAAA:FTK-JRJ2oCmG7BufkUAQX1k1_9C1Cvc12r5ynYPM6duFB-HDWhgef8Va-Rh5Z2XksR64oTcPmi4FAQ">interactional features</a> such as talking over each other, not listening or metatalk – <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351813.2020.1826765?casa_token=isJl2NJbSIkAAAAA:Mh-dXMfkBSGvEeoOWAoxLDjzbZ_eF-zbND-D8q4RAP5WHadqg1KUZDF_UnySFAcyb3LD-DF3BbGq1A">comments about the conversation</a> as it’s happening.</p> <p><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1354067X9953001?casa_token=Gje17vkyg_AAAAAA:ik_4Ze-4PIFLa6yjthOpztvJrtdVOokhRT73M8jDN4t1w0Bl7WzW2--d1vjZwanphorOH_r6jaVZdA">Displays of emotion</a> such as displeasure or anger, are also common. Participants might accuse each other of emotions or label their own emotions.</p> <p>Disputes happen for several reasons. What each person is doing can vary, from <a href="https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.530.8869&rep=rep1&type=pdf">complaints and accusations</a> to <a href="https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1348/014466610X500791?casa_token=r58ikQ5XFxEAAAAA:QR9wr0Fcz7q5BeSvL8soAIhKMNA1O9TcpcBaLleBKDvZ8Q5sPyX1OSg0OzSL5-xb8By5QbgNm9kHNhg">demands, threats or resistance</a>.</p> <p>They can be about many things – familial obligations, what to have for dinner, politics or how to plan a holiday. Luckily, disputes share elements <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2NxaC7nSetAC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_atb#v=onepage&q&f=false">with each other</a> and with conversation generally – so you don’t have to invent new strategies every time you’re caught in one.</p> <h2>Affiliation and alignment</h2> <p>When bickering with a friend or family member, there are ways to make them feel like you’re still on their side even if you disagree. If you can keep these in mind, and use them at the right time, you might stop your dispute from escalating into something harder to mend.</p> <p>The first thing is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/9781405198431.wbeal0196.pub2">affiliation</a>, which means support for the other person or their view of things.</p> <p>Affiliation involves phrasing what you say so it’s best <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/08351810903471258?casa_token=yxnWxfDAEB8AAAAA:uoHEX2dlOS06wxwlHH7TOWmmfB51qMMbzg5tadx5SeRcf_5-vABUKQZtIt0Hchu4vUlFNfCX4qRi5A">understood and easier to respond to</a>. For example, saying “you’ve been to France before, right?” invites someone to share their experience – partly by including the tag “right” at the end, which at least requires a confirmation.</p> <p>It can also involve categorisation, the way we talk about or treat others as <a href="https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/BF00142771.pdf">certain types or group members</a>. For example, if you reduce the other person to a stereotype through labelling – by saying something like “girls always say stuff like that” or “OK, boomer” – you risk provoking a response to the insult, not to the action in which that insult was embedded.</p> <p>The second thing we expect from any conversation is alignment – cooperating with the direction of the conversation, such as accepting or denying a request. The opposite, disalignment, might occur when a request is ignored.</p> <p>Alignment has more to do with the sequence of the conversation, how the dispute unfolds over time. Asking for clarification – a practice known as <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0136100">repair</a> – or <a href="https://www.jbe-platform.com/content/journals/10.1075/prag.27.1.03rob?crawler=true">claiming a misunderstanding</a> can treat problems as fixable errors rather than moral failings or attacks. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0261927X17744244">Humour can diffuse</a> conflict escalation.</p> <h2>How to have a healthy dispute</h2> <p>In the course of a dispute, you need to think about when to bring these tactics out. They’re more likely to yield better outcomes earlier in the dispute. By the time it’s escalated, your responses may be viewed through the prism of the dispute and <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=en&lr=&id=eFSXDwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT200&ots=6tM3fJnXr1&sig=Zchtur1abh25W7ERN5Q49ASRaJc#v=onepage&q&f=false">any offensiveness</a> you’ve already displayed toward each other. In cases like this, teasing can come across as contempt, for example, and claims to misunderstand as bad-faith mockery.</p> <p>It can feel like disputes take on a life of their own – as if the conversation uses us rather than we use it – and this is partly because conversation can seemingly take us along for the ride (consider the difficulty of turning down invitations). We invest our identities into conversations so disputes can seem to threaten us and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378216618304302?casa_token=1SbOpn_2k8MAAAAA:YQ2Yb9nt-ONsmBKmVzTCx8cfl76bS5nK6_Yd8zONBVJFdJ57vwgdBDJxsXfk0aUOhilRQAF-ABA">what we stand for</a> morally.</p> <p>This may be starker with family, whose opinions of us often matter more than friends or colleagues, for example. It’s always worth stopping to reflect on what a dispute is really for, whether what you’re saying lines up with your goals and whether taking a stand is worth it.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/159565/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jessica-robles-617248">Jessica Robles</a>, Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/loughborough-university-1336">Loughborough University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/arguing-with-the-people-you-love-how-to-have-a-healthy-family-dispute-159565">original article</a>.</em></p>

Family & Pets

Readers response: What’s the most unexpected thing you’ve learned about yourself through travel?

<p>When it comes to travelling, it's not uncommon to have revelations about yourself while self-reflecting in a new place. </p> <p>We asked our readers what the most unexpected thing they've learned about themselves is through travel, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Penny Corbin</strong> - I don't need the cathedrals, monuments, the tours, I just love walking in the space and finding my own beauty wherever it leads me.</p> <p><strong>Dom Cimino</strong> - That I really love meeting people of all backgrounds.</p> <p><strong>Jenny Halkett</strong> - To treat it as an adventure, and don’t be afraid to ask a qualified person for advice.</p> <p><strong>Kristeen Collison</strong> - That I’m more adventurous than I thought.</p> <p><strong>Angie Jansen</strong> - That I love it. Just new places, culture, food, history, the wonderful people, the adventures you have and the memories, it’s the experiencing new things and learning, exploring, being amazed. Just so grateful I can still do it.</p> <p><strong>Palma Hemer </strong>- To have a sense of humour, rain hail or shine.</p> <p><strong>Anne Jenkin</strong> - That I can enjoy the travel by myself but I do like meeting new people on these trips.</p> <p><strong>Kath Sheppard</strong> - To try to learn basic phrases when travelling. It's definitely appreciated.</p> <p><strong>Kerry Fischer</strong> - Soak up the vibe wherever you are! Every place has beauty!</p> <p><strong>Jacqueline Buchanan</strong> - That a smile speaks many languages.</p> <p><strong>Martin Drake</strong> - That there is just too much to see and not enough time.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Travel Tips

Olympian's life "a living nightmare" after simple self-check out mistake

<p>A former Olympian has spoken about how her life was ruined after she accidentally failed to scan to items at a self-checkout machine in Walmart. </p> <p>Canadian athlete Meaggan Pettipiece, 48, was arrested on March 28 in Indiana for theft, possession of marijuana and possession of a controlled substance.</p> <p>The charges have since been dropped, but Pettipiece lost her prestigious job as the head coach of the Valparaiso University softball team as a result and says her career and reputation have been ruined. </p> <p>The ordeal began when the self-checkout machine at Walmart reportedly failed to scan the asparagus and ham that Pettipiece intended to purchase. </p> <p>Walmart security saw that she failed to scan the items — worth a total of $67 — prompting them to call the police despite her having paid $167 for her other groceries.</p> <p>Pettipiece was arrested and when police searched her they found three disposable vapes in her purse, along with two unopened blister packs containing anti-nausea medication Zofran.</p> <p>The former athlete said the vapes did not contain any nicotine or THC, and the anti-nausea pills belonged to an assistant coach who had asked her to keep them in her purse during a softball game, days before her arrest. </p> <p>“We both forgot about them,” Pettipiece told the<em> National Post.</em></p> <p>The outlet reported that earlier this month, her lawyer submitted an application for dismissal that included her account of the incident, proof of her assistant’s prescription, and character reference letters.</p> <p>After reading the application, her charges were dropped by justice officials on September 19, but the damage caused by the incident "changed everything". </p> <p>“It is bittersweet,” she told <em>National Post</em>.</p> <p>“I’m happy, obviously, the charges were dismissed. The sad part is the damage it did to my career. It has changed everything in my life.”</p> <p>Pettipiece resigned as head coach of the softball team shortly after the Walmart incident. </p> <p>"It's been five months, a living nightmare. I lost my career, I lost my job, the life I was building and it's been really difficult."</p> <p>Along with the damage to her career, Pettipiece said the effect on her reputation has been equally heartbreaking. </p> <p>“The softball community is a tight-knit group and it (the news) went through like wildfire,” she said. </p> <p>“You really do learn who the people are that really believe in you and trust you and are truly a friend for you." </p> <p>The former athlete is now living in Ohio with her family, and though the charges against her have been dismissed she is worried the damage "can't be reversed". </p> <p>“The tough thing is, how do you get out to people that you are innocent? And this damage was done for something so ridiculous,” Pettipiece told the outlet.</p> <p>“I’m not sure of the future. For now, I’m going to stay at home and focus on my kids. I’d like to figure out which direction I’m going to go in.”</p> <p><em>Image: Valparaiso University Athletics/ </em><em>ZikG / Shutterstock.com</em></p> <p> </p>

Legal

The biggest faux pas for self-funded retirees

<p>Whether you have been retired for some time or are still looking forward to the time you can step back, chances are there are important considerations you may have overlooked.</p> <p>From planning and pensions to family and housing, these are the biggest self-funded retirement mistakes I come across, and some insights into how to avoid repeating them:</p> <ol> <li><strong>Lack of a plan</strong></li> </ol> <p>Not having a retirement plan is perhaps the most basic faux pas, but often the most costly.</p> <p>A detailed plan should cover things like:</p> <ul> <li>When you AND your partner will retire </li> <li>Where you will live (you may want to downsize, relocate, seek assisted living)</li> <li>Anticipated living costs (living situation, health, lifestyle)</li> <li>How you will spend your time (hobbies, travel, volunteering, time with family)</li> <li>Strategies to maximise investments and superannuation</li> <li>Tax minimisation strategies</li> </ul> <p>Remember: failing to plan = planning to fail.</p> <ol start="2"> <li><strong>Poor planning</strong></li> </ol> <p>Having a plan is the starting point, but it won’t get you far if it’s incomplete, not updated as circumstances change, or omits critical factors.</p> <p>For couples, not considering age differences is a big mistake. One partner retiring before the other can have big shifts on financial and tax dynamics and even the relationship itself. Then there is end-of-life care, particularly if the younger partner is still working.</p> <p>Not building in a safety buffer is another no-no. Too many retirees have been caught out by the high inflation of recent years, having calculated their anticipated income needs on much lower living costs.</p> <p>Balance short-term and long-term goals: being overly conservative early on can limit your financial situation down the track.</p> <p>And no plan is complete without contingencies for worst case scenarios – insurances, protections, back-up options.</p> <ol start="3"> <li><strong>Insecure housing </strong></li> </ol> <p>Government data has long shown major differences in quality of life for retirees who own their home versus those who don’t. </p> <p>Homelessness or insecure housing, the mercy of the rental market, and inability to customise your home as you age or if you need specialised support with disability or health issues are some of the challenges renters face.</p> <p>Furthermore, public estimates of how much the average Australian needs to retire typically assume home ownership – meaning rent is not part of that calculation. That’s a huge living cost you may not have factored into your retirement planning. </p> <ol start="4"> <li><strong>Unclaimed pensions</strong></li> </ol> <p>Contrary to popular belief, self-funded retirement and claiming a pension are not mutually exclusive. </p> <p>You may be eligible for a part-pension, calculated pro-rata according to the value of your assets and other income. Claiming a part-pension, no matter how small it may be, reduces how much income you need to draw down from super – making it last longer. </p> <p>Don’t fall into another common trap when applying – overestimating your assets. It’s easy to assume your non-monetary assets are worth more than what they really are, reducing how much pension you receive or negating your eligibility altogether.</p> <ol start="5"> <li><strong>Depleted Bank of Mum and Dad</strong></li> </ol> <p>With home ownership increasingly out of reach for younger adults, the Bank of Mum and Dad is often sought to bridge the gap. How you do so will impact your own situation.</p> <p>Giving more than you can afford can leave you overstretched. Missed loan repayments could see you fall behind on your own bills. Not putting agreements in writing can lead to disputes down the track. Having a loan guarantee called in could see you homeless.</p> <p>Be wise about decisions you make here and don’t let heartstrings cloud your judgement.</p> <ol start="6"> <li><strong>Suffering in silence</strong></li> </ol> <p>Elder abuse is a sad but significant problem. Given they have money in the bank, self-funded retirees are often the most vulnerable.</p> <p>Its effects can be far-reaching, impacting your mental and physical health, financial wellbeing, social interactions, and quality of life.</p> <p>Be aware of <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/finance/retirement-income/are-you-a-victim-of-elder-abuse-without-even-realising-it">the signs that something isn’t right</a>. If you recognise it happening to you – or someone you know – speak up and seek help. </p> <ol start="7"> <li><strong>Forgoing professional advice</strong></li> </ol> <p>How much of the above details did you already know? Chances are, not all of them. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.</p> <p>Money is a complicated business and you simply don’t know what you don’t know, which is why seeking independent, tailored advice from a professional is so important. </p> <p>A good financial advisor can help you identify new opportunities and manage risks you may not have considered, limit expenses and also work with your accountant to minimise your tax.</p> <p><strong><em>Helen Baker is a licensed Australian financial adviser and author of On Your Own Two Feet: The Essential Guide to Financial Independence for all Women. Helen is among the 1% of financial planners who hold a master’s degree in the field. Proceeds from book sales are donated to charities supporting disadvantaged women and children. Find out more at <a href="http://www.onyourowntwofeet.com.au/">www.onyourowntwofeet.com.au</a></em></strong></p> <p><strong><em> Disclaimer: The information in this article is of a general nature only and does not constitute personal financial or product advice. Any opinions or views expressed are those of the authors and do not represent those of people, institutions or organisations the owner may be associated with in a professional or personal capacity unless explicitly stated. Helen Baker is an authorised representative of BPW Partners Pty Ltd AFSL 548754.</em></strong></p> <p><strong><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></strong></p>

Retirement Income

Flight attendant shares travel tips for loved-up couples

<p dir="ltr">A flight attendant has shared what loved-up couples should not do when taking a trip together. </p> <p dir="ltr">Seasoned cabin crew member Suzanne Bucknam has warned couples to be wary of appropriate behaviour, and advised against these travel “icks”. </p> <p dir="ltr">Suzie told <em><a href="https://www.skyparksecure.com/">SkyParkSecure</a></em>, that one thing couples should be aware of when travelling are public displays of affection (PDA), which could land you in trouble. </p> <p dir="ltr">"A kiss on the lips or handholding doesn't warrant ick status but making out and putting a blanket over each other's laps gets very uncomfortable for everyone in the vicinity," Suzanne explains.</p> <p dir="ltr">"I've seen several couples attempt to join the mile-high club either in the bathroom or, worse, at their seats with said blanket over them. In fact, I've caught a couple with their pants down in the back of our plane once. We did an emergency landing and had them escorted off the plane, then got back in the air without them.”</p> <p dir="ltr">"It should be known that you can be arrested for public indecency, and flight attendants won't be afraid to call the authorities if they see you trying to get too cosy with your partner."</p> <p dir="ltr">Another must do for travelling couples is to book your plane seats together, rather than ask other passengers to change seats. </p> <p dir="ltr">"A simple boarding process can become a nightmare if couples don't book seats together but demand another passenger to move," she says.</p> <p dir="ltr">"Not only does it slow the process down significantly, but it often causes an altercation between passengers when someone won't move. Someone picked and paid for that seat, so they are well within their right to turn down a request to switch."</p> <p dir="ltr">Suzie said that while she understands couples, especially honeymooners, are excited about their travels, that doesn’t give them the right to make demands, and being difficult will get you nowhere. </p> <p dir="ltr">"What I wish all honeymooners knew before travelling somewhere is that, just because they're celebrating, it doesn't mean others have to celebrate or contribute to that celebration. If you do get a free upgrade or a free drink, fantastic! But please don't demand one from an unsuspecting flight attendant," she explains.</p> <p dir="ltr">"And as an employee who has been in that situation, it's just plain awkward if there are no upgrades available, and it's against the airline's policy to give freebies."</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Travel Tips

Olympics of love: 7 wedding proposals and counting!

<p>Paris truly is the city of love, with a growing list of athletes proposing to during the Olympics. </p> <p>The latest athlete to get down on one knee is French runner Alice Finot, making her the seventh Games athlete to tie the knot. </p> <p>Finot's proposal has gone viral for her break in stereotypes, after she decided to propose to her boyfriend after her action-packed 3000m steeplechase race. </p> <p>After the women's final, she ran towards the stand searching for her partner, kneeled down and proposed by offering him an Olympic pin, which reads "Love is in the air in Paris", which she had held during the race.</p> <p>As she handed it to her boyfriend, Spanish triathlete Bruno Martínez Bargiela, the couple broke into a long and passionate hug that moved her now-fiancé to tears.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-YDFyCxu_i/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-YDFyCxu_i/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by TRACK NEWS TODAY (@tracknewstoday)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The proposal happened after Finot had just broken the European record in the discipline, missing out on the bronze medal just by a margin of a few seconds.</p> <p>It was Argentina that launched the trend of athletes getting proposed in the City of Love, as men's handball player Pablo Simonet proposed to field hockey team member Maria Campoy during a photo opportunity just one day after the opening ceremony.</p> <p>On Friday, French skiff sailing partners Sarah Steyaert and Charline Picon were both proposed to after scooping a bronze, just one day before badminton player Liu Yu Chen proposed to her girlfriend Huang Ya Qiong after she'd won a gold medal.</p> <p>The US Team have also been loved up while in Paris, as rowing athlete Justin Best got engaged to former Irish dancer Lainey Duncan on Monday, a day after shot putter Payton Otterdahl <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/olympian-proposes-in-the-city-of-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener">proposed</a> to his girlfriend, Maddy Nilles, in front of the Eiffel Tower.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Nine News </em></p>

Relationships

Olympian proposes in the City of Love

<p>US shot putter Payton Otterdahl is finally engaged to his longtime girlfriend Maddy Nilles after eight years together. </p> <p>In a heartwarming post shared to Instagram, the Olympian captured the exact moment he popped the question under the Eiffel Tower. </p> <p>"Meanwhile, in the City of Love..." he captioned the photo in the City of Love. </p> <p>"I love you forever, Maddy Nilles!" Otterdahl added with a red heart emoji.</p> <p>In another photo, the newly-engaged couple were pictured sharing a kiss under the iconic monument to celebrate the milestone. </p> <p>Nilles re-shared the post to her Instagram story with a wholesome message in French.</p> <p>"Je vous aime," she wrote, which means "I love you" in English.</p> <p>While Otterdahl just missed out on an Olympic medal in Paris as he placed fourth in the shot put, many congratulated him for taking home the best prize - a love that will "last a lifetime". </p> <p>"Congratulations!!" Team USA shot putter and Olympic silver medalist Joe Kovacs said. </p> <p>"A legendary weekend for you guys. Congrats, and cheers!" one fan wrote. </p> <p>"You just won your gold medal! It will last a lifetime!" another added. </p> <p>"You’re joking!!!! This is the best news!!! A legendary weekend for you guys. Congrats, and cheers!" wrote a third. </p> <p>The Team USA and USA Track and Field accounts have also celebrated the couple's engagement news in a joined Instagram post.</p> <p>"It's an Olympic proposal," they announced. "Congratulations, Payton and Maddy!"</p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

Sorting a loved one’s finances after their death – what you need to know

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-reed-1548385">Kate Reed</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sheffield-1147">University of Sheffield</a></em></p> <p>Financial anxiety is often talked about, but rarely in the context of bereavement. Following the death of a loved one, relatives usually have to complete a range of financial “death administration” tasks.</p> <p>These can be anything from closing bank accounts and settling utility bills to managing probate (things like property sales, asset management and inheritance distribution). The <a href="https://bereavementcommission.org.uk/media/xube5elb/ukbc_summary_report_low-res.pdf">UK Commission on Bereavement</a> has estimated that 61% of adults struggle to deal with such time consuming and time sensitive administrative responsibilities.</p> <p>While research has begun to shed light on some of the financial difficulties bereaved people can face after the death of a <a href="https://bmcwomenshealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12905-015-0194-1">spouse</a> or a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1468-4446.12190">family member</a>, the emotional toll of navigating financial admin after bereavement remains <a href="https://www.bereavementjournal.org/index.php/bcj/article/view/1114">largely invisible</a>.</p> <p>But the good news is there are several resources that can help bereaved people to navigate these processes, including the UK government’s own <a href="https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies">step-by-step guide</a>. We conducted <a href="https://thenbs.org/partnerships/death-admin-research-report">research</a> on death admin in collaboration with the <a href="https://thenbs.org/">National Bereavement Service</a>, an organisation that provides free practical and emotional support for anyone who has lost a loved-one. The study showed how government services provide a gateway to sorting out a range of financial issues.</p> <p>Financial organisations require proof of the death through a death certificate. This is provided when you <a href="https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies">register</a> a death with the local registrar of births, marriages and deaths. Where there is an inquest, an interim death certificate will be issued.</p> <p>Often, multiple copies of the death certificate are needed. And, at £12.50 for <a href="https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate">each copy</a> (£12 in <a href="https://www.mygov.scot/birth-death-marriage-certificate#:%7E:text=You%20can%20order%20a%20certificate,orders%20made%20in%20another%20way.">Scotland</a>), the financial burden falling on bereaved people can quickly grow.</p> <p>In terms of tax, pensions and benefits, the registrar provides a unique reference number that bereaved people can use to inform the government through a service called <a href="https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once">Tell Us Once</a>.</p> <p>This is an initiative that notifies national and local government bodies including HM Revenue and Customs (to deal with personal tax and to cancel certain benefits and tax credits) and the Department for Work and Pensions (to cancel benefits and entitlements like universal credit or the state pension). The <a href="https://www.gov.uk/valuing-estate-of-someone-who-died?step-by-step-nav=4f1fe77d-f43b-4581-baf9-e2600e2a2b7a">government website</a> also provides help on how to value the person’s estate and work out inheritance tax.</p> <h2>Avoiding family fall-outs</h2> <p>But other financial aspects of death administration can be more challenging to navigate.</p> <p>Probate, for example, is the legal right to deal with someone’s property, money and possessions (their “estate”) when they die. You can <a href="https://www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate?step-by-step-nav=4f1fe77d-f43b-4581-baf9-e2600e2a2b7a">check</a> on the UK government website whether you require probate.</p> <p>It remains one of the most challenging aspects of death administration. Our <a href="https://thenbs.org/partnerships/death-admin-research-report">research</a> shows that people often seek legal advice to manage probate because they are scared to get things wrong, or because they want to avoid future disputes with family members.</p> <p>The process of closing bank accounts and managing assets can be straightforward when the deceased person had made clear arrangements and had few bank accounts. But financial concerns often arise in situations where there are multiple or complicated banking systems. As one of the participants in our research stated: “It’s been a real mess … my dad had quite a few properties, and it’s been quite difficult winding those down.”</p> <p>Worse still, bereaved people can face threatening letters from companies like utilities providers in relation to bills and closing accounts. We found organisations often lack compassion in this context.</p> <p>We encountered cases of companies continuing to write directly to the deceased person, causing further distress to their loved-ones. One of our participants told us that their stepmother was “still getting the bill with my father’s name on, which distresses her”.</p> <p>It is also worth noting that certain types of death present particular administrative and financial challenges. For example, in 2022 17% of deaths in England and Wales were subject to a <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/coroners-statistics-2022/coroners-statistics-2022-england-and-wales#inquests-opened">coroner’s inquest</a>.</p> <p>These deaths can be more difficult to administer on the Tell Us Once initiative due to the time-lag and extra bureaucracy involved. In addition, many people die without a will, which usually makes navigating financial issues much harder.</p> <p>The location of the death can also have financial implications. For example, our <a href="https://www.bereavementjournal.org/index.php/bcj/article/view/1114">research</a> shows how financing a care home stay is usually interconnected with inheritance or selling the person’s house, which places extra pressure on those trying to release the funds.</p> <p>Many organisations could make their administrative processes clearer and train their staff to be more compassionate towards people who have recently been bereaved.</p> <p>There are, however, glimmers of hope that things are improving. My own father died last year and while my experiences of helping my mum deal with the financial aspects of death administration have been mixed, we did experience many acts of kindness and compassion along the way.</p> <p>There is also excellent practical guidance out there from organisations like the <a href="https://thenbs.org/">National Bereavement Service</a>, which along with emotional support from charities like <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/">Cruse Bereavement Support</a> are vital to helping people navigate complex administrative systems.</p> <p>The COVID pandemic and death of the queen in 2022 have likely meant that, as a society, we are talking more about death and grief both publicly and privately. Death and bereavement happen to us all, and it is crucial that we talk more openly, not just about our emotional concerns, but about the practical and financial implications too.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/231967/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kate-reed-1548385">Kate Reed</a>, Professor of Sociology and Director of the Sheffield Methods Institute, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sheffield-1147">University of Sheffield</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/sorting-a-loved-ones-finances-after-their-death-what-you-need-to-know-231967">original article</a>.</em></p>

Money & Banking

"Rest in love": All Blacks legend and Dancing with the Stars winner dies at 55

<p>The sports and entertainment communities are mourning the loss of former All Blacks hooker and <em>Dancing with the Stars</em> winner Norm Hewitt, who has passed away at the age of 55.</p> <p>Hewitt, a beloved figure both on and off the rugby field, succumbed to a lengthy battle with motor neurone disease, as confirmed by his family in a heartfelt statement.</p> <p>"Although rugby dominated his early life, he established a thriving human relations consultancy after retirement, and his services were much in demand both nationally and internationally," his family shared. "He walked confidently in both Māori and Pākehā worlds and was a particular role model for troubled youth, citing his own background, and offering inspirational teachings that one’s present life need not be one’s future."</p> <p>Hewitt leaves behind his wife Arlene and their two children, Elizabeth and Alexander. Born and raised in Pōrangahau, southern Hawke’s Bay, Hewitt's rugby career was nothing short of illustrious. Over 13 seasons, he played 296 representative matches for Hawke’s Bay, Southland and Wellington, earning 23 caps for the All Blacks. Hewitt was also a pivotal member of the Hurricanes during the formative years of Super Rugby, missing only one match in the first five years.</p> <p>The rugby community has been profoundly affected by Hewitt's passing. Former teammate Ofisa Tonu’u posted a touching tribute on Facebook: "I’m just devastated finding out the news today. I will never forget how you always stuck up for me during the Black Tracker days when no one else would, you always look after all the players and we always followed you into battle. No more pain, brother, you can now rest in Love. Fa’afetai tele lava my uso for having my back as I did yours. I know the other boys will be welcoming you with open arms at the gates. Rest in Love, Normy."</p> <p>Beyond his rugby career, Hewitt transitioned into a public speaker and mentor, focusing heavily on violence prevention programmes and advocacy. He worked with the SPCA as an animal cruelty and anti-violence publicity officer, visiting schools to spread his message. In 2005, Hewitt showcased his versatility by winning the first season of<em> Dancing with the Stars</em> alongside professional dancer Carol-Ann Hickmore.</p> <p>Hewitt's life was not without its struggles. In 1999, he made a public apology for a drunken incident in Queenstown, marking a turning point as he renounced alcohol and dedicated himself to helping others facing similar challenges.</p> <p>The outpouring of tributes was immediate, with The All Blacks expressing their sorrow: “We are saddened by the loss of All Black #938 Norm Hewitt who passed away yesterday in Wellington. Hewitt played 9 Tests and 14 Games between 1993 and 1998. Our thoughts are with Norm’s family and loved ones at this time.”</p> <p>Podcaster Martin Devlin shared his personal experience: “RIP Norm Hewitt. Not a lot of people know how kind & generous this man was. A truly wonderful person. Reached out to me and helped me considerably a long time ago when things were very rough. Love & respect.”</p> <p>Richard Hills echoed the sentiments of many: “This is bloody sad. A sad way to lose a kiwi icon so young. He had a really rough childhood and upbringing and faced it and turned his life around to become not only a rugby legend but also helped others who’d been through similar issues.”</p> <p>Norm Hewitt’s legacy will endure through the lives he touched and the positive change he inspired. His story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the profound impact one individual can have on the world.</p> <p><em>Image: Radio New Zealand</em></p>

Caring

"I love you forever": Novak Djokovic celebrates 10 year anniversary

<p>Novak Djokovic has celebrated his 10-year wedding anniversary with Jelena Djokovic. </p> <p>The tennis star took to Instagram to share an adorable tribute honouring their anniversary, with a video of the couple dancing, singing and laughing together set to Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers' <em>Islands In The Stream</em>. </p> <p>"Ten years of joy," Novak began in the caption. </p> <p>"Ten years as parents. Ten years as one. Ten years of dancing. Ten years of fun," he wrote.</p> <p>"Ten years of flying. Ten years at sea. Ten years of you. The best part of me."</p> <p>"Ten years of tennis. Ten years of balls. Ten years of triumph. Ten years of falls.</p> <p>"Ten years as teammates. Ten years together. Ten years Jelena. I love you forever."</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9O8uaeoMZF/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9O8uaeoMZF/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Novak Djokovic (@djokernole)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>The couple first met in high school in the 90s but didn't start dating until a few years later, when Novak finally kicked off his professional tennis career. </p> <p>The high-school sweethearts tied the knot in a ceremony held at Aman Sveti Stefan resort almost a decade later in July 2014, and they were also expecting their first child at the time. </p> <p>The couple now share two children together, Stefan, nine, and Tara, Six. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

"We love you, Papa": Sweet father's day tribute to Prince William

<p>Kate Middleton shared a sweet new photo she took of her husband, Prince William, and their children Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis for Father's Day. </p> <p>The Princess of Wales shared the tribute not long after <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/princess-kate-makes-first-public-appearance-since-cancer-diagnosis" target="_blank" rel="noopener">returning to her royal duties</a> at Trooping the Colour on Saturday. </p> <p>The photograph was captioned: "We love you, Papa. Happy Father's Day. G, C & L." </p> <p>In the image, William has his arms around his children as they all stand on a beach facing the sea. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/C8Rb1TRtNnh/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/C8Rb1TRtNnh/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by The Prince and Princess of Wales (@princeandprincessofwales)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Royal fans took to the comments to wish Prince William a happy Father's Day. </p> <p>"This is a lovely photo of a lovely family. Happy Fathers Day, Prince William," wrote one fan. </p> <p>"Really lovely photo, Happy Fathers day William," added another. </p> <p>"What a beautiful photo of William and the children and a sweet message! Happy Father’s Day William," wrote a third. </p> <p>‪"Aww what a beautiful picture taken by our talented Princess of Wales!! And the message from the kids is adorable. You are such a wonderful, loving dad and you just deserve the best!" added a fourth/</p> <p>A few hours before the Father's Day tribute for William was posted, the Prince of Wales shared his own throwback photo with King Charles. </p> <p>"Happy Father's Day, Pa. W," he captioned the photo of them playing football when he was a boy. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram</em></p> <p> </p>

Family & Pets

"Love is love": Vietnam veteran reveals lifelong secret in obituary

<p>A Vietnam veteran has kept a heartbreaking secret from his loved ones his entire life, and only revealed the truth in his obituary. </p> <p>Col. Edward Thomas Ryan died at the age of 85 in his home in Albany, New York, after serving as a firefighter in the city of Rensselaer for most of his life. </p> <p>In a final message to the world that he penned before succumbing to cancer, Ryan shared that he had always known he was gay, but was was “afraid of being ostracized" by his loved ones. </p> <p>"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life," he wrote in his obituary, published by the <em>Albany Times Union</em>. </p> <p>"I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush," he confessed.</p> <p>"He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I'll be buried next to Paul."</p> <p>The former soldier, who served with the Army's 10th Brigade and received several military awards, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal "for participation to the State" following 9/11, explained that he had never revealed his secret out of fear of being disowned. </p> <p>"I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers," he recalled. </p> <p>"Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."</p> <p>Aside from serving in the war and being a firefighter, he was also one of the founders and owners of the local Albany radio station WGY-FM.</p> <p>Additionally, he was a chef at the East Greenbush, American Legion Post, and a lifelong member of the Vietnam Veterans of America.</p> <p>Ryan is survived by his 14 nieces and nephews who call him "Uncle Ed". </p> <p>His obituary has since gone viral and many have paid tribute to the Vietnam veteran on his obituary. </p> <p>"Col. Ryan. you lived your life with such bravery and carry it with you in the afterlife. I don't know if we will ever truly feel free. As a gay woman over 60, I struggle with this still. Half out and half in. Thank you for showing us the way to leave this life with dignity while being true to ourselves. The world needs more men like you. True hero," wrote one commenter. </p> <p>"Rest in Power Ed. Thank you for your service to your country. Thank you for the example of how much work we still need to do to honour and respect our brothers and sisters like you," added another. </p> <p>"Love is love. Glad you are finally reunited with yours and you are both resting in peace," wrote a third. </p> <p>"May you rest peacefully in the arms of your forever love. I'm so sorry that you never felt safe to be your authentic self. Your bravery followed you beyond death," added a fourth. </p> <p>"I hope Edward and Paul are reunited now, in love for eternity. Nobody should have to spend a lifetime hiding who they are and who they love," another commenter wrote. </p> <p><em>Image: Legacy.com</em></p> <p> </p>

Relationships

Why do we love to see unlikely animal friendships? A psychology expert explains

<div class="theconversation-article-body"><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shane-rogers-575838">Shane Rogers</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a></em></p> <p>The internet is awash with stories and videos of unlikely animal friendships, often with many millions of views. This content typically shows animals from different species showing affection to one another, signifying a bond or even a “friendship”.</p> <p>These relationships have been captured in people’s homes, such as with <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-09-10/meet-unlikely-friends-peggy-the-dog-and-molly-the-magpie/100447022">Molly the magpie and Peggy the dog</a>, in zoos, <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-04/bear-lion-and-tiger-make-an-affectionate,-gentle-family/7222462">such as with</a> Baloo the bear, Leo the lion and Shere Khan the tiger, and even <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BvB0182xag&t=2300s">in the wild</a>, such as one case of <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/fox-cat-friendship_n_4268629">a fox and cat living together</a> in Turkey.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fdxU6CpvUgg?wmode=transparent&start=19" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>A plethora of research on <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-66407-w.pdf">primates</a>, <a href="https://blog.mybirdbuddy.com/post/can-birds-form-friendships">birds</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-social-lives-of-kangaroos-are-more-complex-than-we-thought-213770">kangaroos</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/male-dolphins-use-their-individual-names-to-build-a-complex-social-network-97780">dolphins</a>, <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/8/11/191">horses</a>, <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/12/1/126">cats</a> and <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-05669-y">dogs</a> has shown many non-human animals can develop deep social bonds with their own kind.</p> <p>And while inter-species bonding hasn’t been studied to the same extent, videos like those mentioned above show animals from different species displaying the same affection to each other as they would to their own, such as through cuddling, playing and grooming.</p> <p>Why do we, as people, find these stories so enjoyable? Answering this question requires us to consider some of the nicer aspects of our own nature.</p> <h2>When animals reflect us</h2> <p>Witnessing animals get along well together isn’t just cute, it can also make us feel like we have things in common with other species, and feel more connected with the other life on the planet. <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00976/full">Decades of research</a> reveals how feeling connected to nature fosters happiness in humans.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/PrJi-P61aLY?wmode=transparent&start=7" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>While the mechanisms behind inter-species bonding are not fully understood, <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2022.994504/full">one 2022 research review</a> suggests the mechanisms that operate in other animals’ brains during social interactions with their own are similar to those that operate in human brains.</p> <p>The researchers suggest that, due to the evolution of common brain mechanisms, animals engaged in social interaction may experience similar emotions to humans who engage with their own friends or loved ones.</p> <p>So while it’s very hard to know what this subjective social experience is like for other animals – after all, they can’t report it on a questionnaire – there’s no reason to think it isn’t similar to our own.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZVMsdz7aZpk?wmode=transparent&start=102" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <h2>Humans like co-operation and pleasant surprises</h2> <p>Humans have <a href="https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rspb.2022.0128">evolved to enjoy co-operation</a>, which might also help explain why we enjoy seeing co-operation between different animal species. <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/lifematters/competition-versus-cooperation:-which-human-instinct-is-stronge/10291360">Some scholars</a> suggest the human instinct for co-operation is even stronger than our instinct for competition.</p> <p>Another reason we may be drawn to unlikely animal friendships is that they are, in fact, so unlikely. These interactions are surprising, and research shows humans <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/neuroscientists-learn-why/">enjoy being surprised</a>.</p> <p>Our brain has <a href="https://www.imperial.ac.uk/news/239331/study-reveals-human-brains-have-evolved/">evolved to be incredibly efficient</a> at categorising, solving problems and learning. Part of the reason we’re so efficient is because we are motivated to seek new knowledge and question what we think we know. In other words, we’re motivated to be <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4635443/">curious</a>.</p> <p>Inter-species friendships are indeed a very curious thing. They contradict the more common assumption and observation that different species stick with their own kind. We might think “cats eat birds, so they must not like each other”. So when we see <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGsN7jzp5DE">a cat and a bird</a> getting along like old pals, this challenges our concept of how the natural world works.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bGsN7jzp5DE?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>Neuroscientists have documented that, when surprised, humans experience a release of brain chemicals responsible for making us <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/unexpected-brain-chemistry-is-behind-the-element-of-surprise/">more alert</a> and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0896627320308539">sensitive to reward</a>. It is this neurochemical reaction that produces the “pleasantness” in the feeling of being pleasantly surprised.</p> <h2>A desire for peace and harmony</h2> <p>Perhaps another explanation for why humans are so intrigued by inter-species friendships is because they feed a human desire for peace and harmony.</p> <p>These connections may be symbolic of what many people yearn for: a world where differences can be put aside in favour of a peaceful co-existence. These friendships might even prompt us to imagine, consciously or subconsciously, a future in which we become more enlightened as a species.</p> <p>One could argue a key reason behind the success of the TV series <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANnFNfVuZeM">Star Trek</a> is its <a href="https://jacobin.com/2023/08/star-trek-solidarity-utopianism-technology-postcapitalism">optimistic take on the future of humanity</a>. Inter-species co-operation is a central theme of the show.</p> <p>Inter-species friendships may serve as a concrete example of breaking free of the “natural” way of being for a more peaceful way of being. And while it might only be a dream, it’s nice to watch cute animal videos that help us feel like this dream might be possible.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/230548/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_BvB0182xag?wmode=transparent&start=1880" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shane-rogers-575838">Shane Rogers</a>, Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720">Edith Cowan University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-we-love-to-see-unlikely-animal-friendships-a-psychology-expert-explains-230548">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Family & Pets

"I love you all": Social media star announces her own death

<p>Social media star Kimberley Nix has passed away at the age of 31 after a gruelling battle with cancer, and has announced the news of her own death to her dedicated followers. </p> <p>The TikTok star, who has amassed a following of 143,000 people as she documented her cancer journey, spoke candidly in a pre-filmed video that was posted to her page, letting her followers know that her "journey here is over". </p> <p>Kimberley, who was also a doctor in training, told her fans that if they were seeing the heartbreaking clip, that she had "passed", before sharing that they had made her "so happy".</p> <p>She captioned the viral video, which has so far amassed more than 5.1 million views, "My journey here is over and I can't thank each and every one of you enough. You have all made me so happy and your comments and support are more than enough to have gotten anyone through anything!"</p> <p>"If you wish, please donate through my link in bio to sarcoma cancer research and follow my husband [Michael MacIsaac] in his updates."</p> <p>At the beginning of the clip, Kimberley said, "Hello followers, if you're seeing this clip, I have passed away peacefully. "</p> <p>Holding back tears, she said that she had a "very beautiful life" that she was "so proud" of. </p> <p>"Those who know me, know I love my pets, my husband, and makeup. And though being a doctor is a big part of my identity, those are the things that matter," she said during the heartbreaking clip.</p> <p>Kim went on to note that in 2021 she got the "opportunity to start making TikTok videos", admitting that she "never thought anything would come of it".</p> <p>"I shared about love, joy, and gratitude because in this journey, I was grateful for the people and the little moments."</p> <p>"Those little parts of your day, like that warm first sip of tea in the morning or how it feels when snow is fresh on your face, those are the most beautiful [moments]."</p> <p>At the end of the clip, she thanked her followers for helping her and said that they meant the world to her. </p> <p>"I can't thank you enough, I will miss you TikTok. I love you all. Thank you for this amazing opportunity, I am in happy tears because I have found so much purpose in the end of my life," she said.</p> <p>"Thank you from the bottom of my heart, goodbye."</p> <p>Kimberley was diagnosed with metastatic sarcoma, which is known as cell cancer, at just 28 years old, and she was finishing up her final year of her internal medicine core residency when she got the diagnosis. </p> <p>She is survived by her husband Michael, who she married in February. </p> <p><em>Image credits: TikTok</em></p>

Caring

Terminal lucidity: why do loved ones with dementia sometimes ‘come back’ before death?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/yen-ying-lim-355185">Yen Ying Lim</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/diny-thomson-1519736">Diny Thomson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a></em></p> <p>Dementia is often described as “the long goodbye”. Although the person is still alive, dementia slowly and irreversibly chips away at their memories and the qualities that make someone “them”.</p> <p>Dementia eventually takes away the person’s ability to communicate, eat and drink on their own, understand where they are, and recognise family members.</p> <p>Since as early as the <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21764150/">19th century</a>, stories from loved ones, caregivers and health-care workers have described some people with dementia suddenly becoming lucid. They have described the person engaging in meaningful conversation, sharing memories that were assumed to have been lost, making jokes, and even requesting meals.</p> <p>It is estimated <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20010032/">43% of people</a> who experience this brief lucidity die within 24 hours, and 84% within a week.</p> <p>Why does this happen?</p> <h2>Terminal lucidity or paradoxical lucidity?</h2> <p>In 2009, researchers Michael Nahm and Bruce Greyson coined the term “<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21764150/">terminal lucidity</a>”, since these lucid episodes often occurred shortly before death.</p> <p>But not all lucid episodes indicate death is imminent. <a href="https://alz-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/alz.13667">One study</a> found many people with advanced dementia will show brief glimmers of their old selves more than six months before death.</p> <p>Lucidity has also been <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0167494311001865?via%3Dihub">reported</a> in other conditions that affect the brain or thinking skills, such as meningitis, schizophrenia, and in people with brain tumours or who have sustained a brain injury.</p> <p>Moments of lucidity that do not necessarily indicate death are sometimes called <a href="https://alz-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/alz.12579">paradoxical lucidity</a>. It is considered paradoxical as it defies the expected course of neurodegenerative diseases such as dementia.</p> <p>But it’s important to note these episodes of lucidity are temporary and sadly do not represent a reversal of neurodegenerative disease.</p> <h2>Why does terminal lucidity happen?</h2> <p>Scientists have struggled to explain why terminal lucidity happens. Some episodes of lucidity have been reported to occur in the presence of loved ones. Others have reported that <a href="https://psywb.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s13612-014-0024-5">music can sometimes improve lucidity</a>. But many episodes of lucidity do not have a distinct trigger.</p> <p><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0300957223002162">A research team from New York University</a> speculated that changes in brain activity before death may cause terminal lucidity. But this doesn’t fully explain why people suddenly recover abilities that were assumed to be lost.</p> <p>Paradoxical and terminal lucidity are also very difficult to study. Not everyone with advanced dementia will experience episodes of lucidity before death. Lucid episodes are also unpredictable and typically occur without a particular trigger.</p> <p>And as terminal lucidity can be a joyous time for those who witness the episode, it would be unethical for scientists to use that time to conduct their research. At the time of death, it’s also difficult for scientists to interview caregivers about any lucid moments that may have occurred.</p> <p>Explanations for terminal lucidity extend beyond science. These moments of mental clarity may be a way for the dying person to say final goodbyes, gain closure before death, and reconnect with family and friends. Some believe episodes of terminal lucidity are representative of the person connecting with an afterlife.</p> <h2>Why is it important to know about terminal lucidity?</h2> <p>People can have a variety of reactions to seeing terminal lucidity in a person with advanced dementia. While some will experience it as being peaceful and bittersweet, others may find it deeply confusing and upsetting. There may also be an urge to modify care plans and request lifesaving measures for the dying person.</p> <p>Being aware of terminal lucidity can help loved ones understand it is part of the dying process, acknowledge the person with dementia will not recover, and allow them to make the most of the time they have with the lucid person.</p> <p>For those who witness it, terminal lucidity can be a final, precious opportunity to reconnect with the person that existed before dementia took hold and the “long goodbye” began.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/202342/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/yen-ying-lim-355185"><em>Yen Ying Lim</em></a><em>, Associate Professor, Turner Institute for Brain and Mental Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/diny-thomson-1519736">Diny Thomson</a>, PhD (Clinical Neuropsychology) Candidate and Provisional Psychologist, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/terminal-lucidity-why-do-loved-ones-with-dementia-sometimes-come-back-before-death-202342">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

Love is in the air! Pilot proposes to flight attendant girlfriend before take off

<p>A pilot has proposed to his flight attendant girlfriend just minutes before take off in a heart-warming display of love. </p> <p>Polish pilot Konrad Hanc was captured emerging from the cockpit before embarking on a flight to Kraków to make a surprising announcement over the PA system. </p> <p>Hanc introduced himself to the passengers before explaining the real reason for his message. </p> <p>“On today’s flight there is a very special person," he began.</p> <p>“Ladies and gentlemen, about one and a half years ago in this job I met the most wonderful person that completely changed my life."</p> <p>“You are most precious to me. You are my greatest dream come true. This is why I have to ask you a favour, honey."</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6EHHyQskLc/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6EHHyQskLc/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by LOT Polish Airlines (@flylot)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“Will you marry me?” he asked while getting down on one knee, as another flight attendant handed him a bouquet of flowers. </p> <p>His girlfriend, Paula, sprinted up the aisle of the plane before leaping into the arms of her future husband. </p> <p>Passengers watched on in anticipation for her answer with one yelling, “Did she say yes?” to which the beaming captain responded: “She said yes!”</p> <p>Hanc explained that he chose to pop the question on the flight to the Polish city as he met Paula on the same flight just 18 months ago. </p> <p>As the pair embraced in a hug and kiss, passengers erupted in applause, with many taking to the now viral Facebook post to send them well wishes. </p> <p>“I love this! Sweet couple!” one person wrote.</p> <p>”TOTALLYYYYY LOVE IN THE AIR,” another enthusiastic person commented, to which the airline responded: “YES, love IS in the air!”</p> <p><em>Image credits: LOT Polish Airlines</em></p>

Relationships

“Love is so sweet": Man's sweet mid-air proposal goes viral

<p>Love is in the air! </p> <p>A smitten passenger took his love to the skies and proposed to his girlfriend while on board an Air Peace flight, with the romantic moment captured on camera. </p> <p>A social media user took to TikTok to share the sweet proposal, with the caption: “POV: My friend was proposed to in a plane.”</p> <p>The minute-long video showed a man getting out of his seat on board the packed plane to use the aircraft’s PA system so that he could ask for his girlfriend’s hand in marriage.</p> <p>“She’s so precious and her name is Precious,” the man said before popping the question. </p> <p> “Please, my Precious, I want to ask, will you marry me?”</p> <p>“If you will, just come out and say ‘yes’ to me, my precious,” he added before walking down the aisle of the aircraft. </p> <p>Other passengers cheered for the couple, and in a second video, the man is seen greeting Precious, then getting down on one knee to offer her the ring.</p> <p>Precious was overjoyed at the proposal and said yes, hugging her new fiance. </p> <p>While it is unclear where the plane was travelling, Air Peace is a Nigerian carrier that operates flights to destinations in West Africa and the Middle East, according to the NY Post. </p> <p>TikTok users were also touched by the romantic act, with many of them congratulating the couple. </p> <p>“This is beautiful,” one wrote. </p> <p>“Love is so sweet for real,” another swooned. </p> <p><em>Images: TikTok</em></p>

Relationships

Not all mourning happens after bereavement – for some, grief can start years before the death of a loved one

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-graham-wisener-1247893">Lisa Graham-Wisener</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/audrey-roulston-1512057">Audrey Roulston</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a></em></p> <p>For many people, grief starts not at the point of death, but from the moment a loved one is diagnosed with a life-limiting illness.</p> <p>Whether it’s the diagnosis of an advanced cancer or a non-malignant condition such as dementia, heart failure or Parkinson’s disease, the psychological and emotional process of grief can begin many months or even years before the person dies. This experience of mourning a future loss is known as <a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-69892-2_1006-1">anticipatory grief</a>.</p> <p>While not experienced by everyone, anticipatory grief is a <a href="https://spcare.bmj.com/content/bmjspcare/early/2022/02/10/bmjspcare-2021-003338.full.pdf?casa_token=IWNMDFN5SoIAAAAA:2EybwyPcKu73VdrACTNk7jITor-mMIXK8rv76arXgdjV9cA2Y0MV0LyZLLwcYe1rZUAQymOzFYo">common</a> part of the grieving process and can include a range of conflicting, often difficult thoughts and emotions. For example, as well as feelings of loss, some people can experience guilt from wanting their loved one to be free of pain, or imagining what life will be like after they die.</p> <h2>Difficult to define, distressing to experience</h2> <p>Anticipatory grief has proved <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02692163221074540#bibr13-02692163221074540">challenging to define</a>. A <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02692163221074540#bibr13-02692163221074540">systematic review</a> of research studies on anticipatory grief identified over 30 different descriptions of pre-death grief. This lack of consensus has limited research progress, because there’s no shared understanding of how to identify anticipatory grief.</p> <p>Therese Rando, a <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781315800806-9/grief-mourning-accommodating-loss-therese-rando">prominent theorist</a>, has proposed that anticipatory grief can help prepare for death, contributing to a more positive grieving experience post-bereavement. Rando also suggests that pre-death mourning can aid with adjustment to the loss of a loved one and reduce the risk of <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/complicated-grief/">“complicated grief”</a>, a term that describes persistent and debilitating emotional distress.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AapGn60DZSA?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>But pre-death mourning doesn’t necessarily mean grief will be easier to work through once a loved one has died. Other <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953621005724?casa_token=I9mbdSv3d3gAAAAA:MqxN5X_iWbcqa6BYj7IXmImUviheOQWAVA4UBy6795UDuS1uOHG9b245qMkyOiLcvjv_SU6yVA">research evidence</a> shows that it’s possible to experience severe anticipatory grief yet remain unprepared for death.</p> <h2>Carers should seek support</h2> <p>Carers of people with life-limiting illnesses may notice distressing changes in the health of their loved ones. Witnessing close-up someone’s deterioration and decline in independence, memory or ability to perform routine daily tasks, such as personal care, is a painful experience.</p> <p>It is essential, then, for carers to acknowledge difficult emotions and seek support from those around them – especially because caring for a loved one at the end of their life <a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/carers-friends-family-coping-support/your-mental-health/">can be an isolating time</a>.</p> <p>Where possible, it can also be beneficial for carers to offer their loved one <a href="https://compassionatecommunitiesni.com/our-programs/dying-to-talk/">opportunities to reflect</a> on significant life events, attend to unfinished business, and to discuss preferences for funeral arrangements. For some, this may involve supporting loved ones to reconnect with friends and family, helping them to put legal or financial affairs in order, talking about how the illness is affecting them, or making an <a href="https://www.england.nhs.uk/publication/universal-principles-for-advance-care-planning/">advance care plan</a>.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wrJaTXW1Xvk?wmode=transparent&start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <h2>Talking is key</h2> <p>Living with altered family dynamics, multiple losses, transition and uncertainty can be <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07481187.2021.1998935">distressing for all family members</a>. It may be difficult to manage the emotional strain of knowing death is unavoidable, to make sense of the situation, and to <a href="https://hospicefoundation.ie/i-need-help/i-am-seriously-ill/how-to-talk-to-those-you-care-about/">talk about dying</a>.</p> <p>However, talking is key in <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/about/blog/important-conversations-death/">preparing for an impending death</a>. Organisations who offer specialist palliative care have information and trained professionals to help with difficult conversations, including <a href="https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/diagnosed/talking-children/children">talking to children</a> about death and dying.</p> <p>Navigating anticipatory grief can involve self-compassion for both the patient and carer. This includes acknowledging difficult emotions and treating oneself with kindness. Open communication with the person nearing the end of their life can foster emotional connection and help address their concerns, alongside support from the wider circle of family and friends.</p> <p>Extending empathy and understanding to those nearing death – and those grieving their impending loss – will help contribute to a compassionate community that supports those experiencing death, dying and bereavement.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221629/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-graham-wisener-1247893">Lisa Graham-Wisener</a>, Lecturer of Health Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/audrey-roulston-1512057">Audrey Roulston</a>, Professor of Social Work in Palliative Care, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/not-all-mourning-happens-after-bereavement-for-some-grief-can-start-years-before-the-death-of-a-loved-one-221629">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

How to be kind to yourself (without going to a day spa)

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-brown-179583">Lydia Brown</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p>“I have to be hard on myself,” Sarah told me in a recent telehealth psychology session. “I would never reach my potential if I was kind and let myself off the hook.”</p> <p>I could empathise with this fear of self-compassion from clients such as Sarah (not her real name). From a young age, we are taught to be kind to others, but self-kindness is never mentioned.</p> <p>Instead, we are taught success hinges on self-sacrifice. And we need a healthy inner critic to bully us forward into becoming increasingly better versions of ourselves.</p> <p>But <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167212445599">research shows</a> there doesn’t have to be a trade-off between self-compassion and success.</p> <p>Self-compassion can help you reach your potential, while supporting you to face the inevitable stumbles and setbacks along the way.</p> <h2>What is self-compassion?</h2> <p><a href="https://self-compassion.org/">Self-compassion</a> has <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298860309027">three</a> key ingredients.</p> <p><strong>1. Self-kindness</strong></p> <p>This involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would extend towards a good friend – via your thoughts, feelings and actions – especially during life’s difficult moments.</p> <p>For instance, if you find yourself fixating on a minor mistake you made at work, self-kindness might involve taking a ten-minute walk to shift focus, and reminding yourself it is OK to make mistakes sometimes, before moving on with your day.</p> <p><strong>2. Mindfulness</strong></p> <p>In this context, mindfulness involves being aware of your own experience of stress or suffering, rather than repressing or avoiding your feelings, or over-identifying with them.</p> <p>Basically, you must see your stress with a clear (mindful) perspective before you can respond with kindness. If we avoid or are consumed by our suffering, we lose perspective.</p> <p><strong>3. Common humanity</strong></p> <p>Common humanity involves recognising our own experience of suffering as something that unites us as being human.</p> <p>For instance, a sleep-deprived parent waking up (for the fourth time) to feed their newborn might choose to think about all the other parents around the world doing exactly the same thing – as opposed to feeling isolated and alone.</p> <h2>It’s not about day spas, or booking a manicure</h2> <p>When Sarah voiced her fear that self-compassion would prevent her success, I explained self-compassion is distinct from self-indulgence.</p> <p>“So is self-compassion just about booking in more mani/pedis?” Sarah asked.</p> <p>Not really, I explained. A one-off trip to a day spa is unlikely to transform your mental health.</p> <p>Instead, self-compassion is a flexible <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-031-22348-8_7">psychological resilience factor</a> that shapes our thoughts, feelings and actions.</p> <p>It’s associated with a suite of benefits to our <a href="https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/aphw.12051">wellbeing</a>, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548">relationships</a> and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17437199.2019.1705872">health</a>.</p> <h2>What does the science say?</h2> <p>Over the past 20 years, we’ve learned self-compassionate people enjoy a wide range of benefits. They tend to be <a href="https://iaap-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/aphw.12051">happier</a> and have <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2012.06.003">fewer psychological symptoms</a> of distress.</p> <p>Those high on self-compassion <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167212445599">persevere</a> following a failure. They say they are more motivated to overcome a personal weakness than those low on self-compassion, who are more likely to give up.</p> <p>So rather than feeling trapped by your inadequacies, self-compassion encourages a <a href="https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion">growth mindset</a>, helping you reach your potential.</p> <p>However, self-compassion is not a panacea. It will not change your life circumstances or somehow make life “easy”. It is based on the premise that life is hard, and provides practical tools to cope.</p> <h2>It’s a factor in healthy ageing</h2> <p>I research menopause and healthy ageing and am especially interested in the value of self-compassion through menopause and in the second half of life.</p> <p>Because self-compassion becomes important during life’s challenges, it can help people navigate physical symptoms (for instance, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378512214001649?via%3Dihub">menopausal hot flushes</a>), life transitions such as <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797611429466">divorce</a>, and <a href="https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-031-22348-8_7">promote healthy ageing</a>.</p> <p>I’ve also teamed up with researchers at <a href="https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/">Autism Spectrum Australia</a> to explore self-compassion in autistic adults.</p> <p>We found autistic adults report significantly <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-022-05668-y">lower levels</a> of self-compassion than neurotypical adults. So we developed an online <a href="https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/blog/new-online-self-compassion-program-for-autistic-adults">self-compassion training program</a> for this at-risk population.</p> <h2>Three tips for self-compassion</h2> <p>You <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/jclp.21923">can learn</a> self-compassion with these three exercises.</p> <p><strong>1. What would you say to a friend?</strong></p> <p>Think back to the last time you made a mistake. What did you say to yourself?</p> <p>If you notice you’re treating yourself more like an enemy than a friend, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, try to think about what you might tell a friend, and direct that same friendly language towards yourself.</p> <p><strong>2. Harness the power of touch</strong></p> <p>Soothing human touch <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.555058/full">activates</a> the parasympathetic “relaxation” branch of our nervous system and counteracts the fight or flight response.</p> <p>Specifically, self-soothing touch (for instance, by placing both hands on your heart, stroking your forearm or giving yourself a hug) <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666497621000655">reduces</a> cortisol responses to psychosocial stress.</p> <p><strong>3. What do I need right now?</strong></p> <p>Sometimes, it can be hard to figure out exactly what self-compassion looks like in a given moment. The question “what do I need right now” helps clarify your true needs.</p> <p>For example, when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I woke up bolt awake one morning at 3am.</p> <p>Rather than beating myself up about it, or fretting about not getting enough sleep, I gently placed my hands on my heart and took a few deep breaths. By asking myself “what do I need right now?” it became clear that listening to a gentle podcast/meditation fitted the bill (even though I wanted to addictively scroll my phone).<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/223194/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lydia-brown-179583"><em>Lydia Brown</em></a><em>, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-be-kind-to-yourself-without-going-to-a-day-spa-223194">original article</a>.</em></p>

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