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Emotional moment father discovers his daughter's ultimate act of selflessness

<p>A woman has shared the emotional moment her father discovered she was the one who anonymously donated her kidney to help him fight kidney disease.</p> <p>John Ivanowski, a 60-year-old man from Missouri in the US, was diagnosed with an immunoglobulin A (IgA) deficiency, which saw his immune system attack his kidneys, more than a year ago.</p> <p>John was placed on dialysis for his condition, and ended up on the transplant list to replace his kidney. </p> <p>When the Ivanowski family began discussing the transplant options, his 25-year-old daughter Delayne was determined to help give her father a better quality of life by donating her kidney. </p> <p>John had lost his son and Delayne's only sibling to cancer 16 years ago, and was resistant to his daughter becoming his kidney donor.</p> <p>"I thought, I lost my boy and if anything happened to Delayne, I don't know what I would do," he told <a href="https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/wellness/story/daughter-surprises-dad-kidney-donor-97494470" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener">ABC News</a>, adding, "It was a big concern."</p> <p>Despite her father's protests, Delayne, who works as a nurse, knew John would remain on the transplant list if she did not volunteer her kidney. </p> <p>Delayne said, "I don't think that's any way that anybody should have to live."</p> <p>She added, "I was like, 'I'm going to do it. I don't care how mad he is at me. I don't care if he kicks me out of the house or hates me or doesn't say a word to me for the rest of my life.'"</p> <p>"At least he'll be living a good life and not hooked up to a machine."</p> <p>Delayne then secretly went through the months-long approval process to become her dad's kidney donor, which meant getting endless medical tests, and fielding dozens of calls with social workers and medical staff, all while living under her parents' roof.</p> <p>John then underwent his surgery at Washington University And Barnes-Jewish Transplant Center in St Louis, with hospital staff working hard to keep Delayne's secret.</p> <p>Jason Wellen, who is the centre's kidney and pancreas transplant surgical director and John's doctor, said the staff had to do a lot of "behind-the-scenes" work to make sure the father and daughter were kept in separate pre-op areas, and had to ensure they didn't spot each other in post-op as well to maintain secrecy until Delayne was ready to break the news to John.</p> <p>And when she did, the emotional moment was captured on video. </p> <div class="embed" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 610px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7203398361297440046&amp;display_name=tiktok&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40hoperisesnews%2Fvideo%2F7203398361297440046%3Fq%3Ddelayne%26t%3D1677630976317&amp;image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-useast5-p-0068-tx%2F63835bef2c2c4873aace09811331bf14%3Fx-expires%3D1677650400%26x-signature%3DNEPi6l8%252FIQn4tNRL%252FGqtrGDpkcw%253D&amp;key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&amp;type=text%2Fhtml&amp;schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> <p>Filming the emotional moment she walked into her dad's hospital room hooked up to an IV drip after the surgery, John immediately knew what had happened without Delayne saying a word.</p> <p>"Oh my God. Are you kidding me?" he says in the video, which was posted to TikTok and has been viewed more than four million times. </p> <p>An emotional John then tells his daughter, "I knew you were up to something," to which she cheekily responds, "I'm always up to something."</p> <p>Despite initially being "upset", John said he was grateful for his daughter's selfless act and it was a "big relief" not to be "hooked up to the machine anymore".</p> <p>"I can't stop crying," he added.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Facebook</em></p>

Caring

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Olivia Newton-John's selfless final wish

<p>Olivia Newton-John's final wishes have been revealed by her husband, as the star continued to lobby for fair and equal medical treatment until her final days. </p> <p>Olivia's husband, John Easterling, shared that Olivia wanted other patients to have the same access to alternative treatments that she felt "privileged" to be able to use. </p> <p>Speaking with the Herald Sun, John said, "Her dream with the Olivia Newton-John Wellness Centre was to have Australians going through cancer have access to the similar types of treatments."</p> <p>According to John, treatments such as medicinal cannabis "undoubtedly extended Olivia's life and gave her quality of life.</p> <p>For much of her life, Olivia lobbied for politicians to change regulations around medicinal cannabis to make it available to patients at Melbourne's ONJ Cancer Wellness and Research Centre.</p> <p>Olivia publicly advocated for alternative treatments even in her final hours and John noted his late wife didn't need "toxic chemicals or addictive painkillers" to manage her terminal illness.</p> <p>John also revealed to The Herald Sun that Olivia was "pain free" and "cheerful and joyful" in her final days.</p> <p>After her first breast cancer diagnosis in 1992, Olivia tried herbal formulas, meditation and "focused on a vision of complete wellness," which inspired Olivia to establish the institution after wanting to "help others going through the same journey".</p> <p>Olivia died after losing her decades-long battle with breast cancer in August. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram </em></p>

Caring

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Last selfless act on behalf of teen killed on e-scooter

<p>After their 13-year-old son was tragically killed in an e-scooter accident on Saturday, Calym Gilbert's heartbroken parents are making sure his legacy lives on. </p> <p>The young teenager and his friend were riding the e-scooters in Perth when they collided with a Ford Ranger at an intersection, "ejecting" both boys from the scooters and leaving them seriously injured. </p> <p>Calym's life-threatening injuries saw him places on life-support, with his parents making the devastating decision to turn off the machines on Wednesday, with Calym passing away a short time later. </p> <p>According to 7News, his parents have decided to donate their son's organs, allowing the teenager to "leave behind a legacy", by giving six other people a second chance at life. </p> <p>Ever since the incident, Calym's father has issued a plea for others to be careful on the road. </p> <p>"Wear a helmet," he told 7News.</p> <p>"He is our baby boy, the love of my life, ripped from us so suddenly and way too soon," his heartbroken mum added.</p> <p>A <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/in-loving-memory-of-calym-gilbert" target="_blank" rel="noopener">GoFundMe</a> page has been set up by Calym's relatives to ease any financial "worry" in the wake of the boy's untimely death, with generous supporters already donating over $8,000 to the grieving family. </p> <p>"Calym had a gentle soul and would do anything to help all of those around him. Calym was full of life and love - his internal light filled any room and left a lasting impression on all those that knew him," the page says.</p> <p><em>Image credits: GoFundMe</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Do people become more selfless as they age?

<p>Looking for something to binge-watch while you’re hunkering down at home?</p> <p>Consider checking out the popular TV show “<a href="https://www.nbc.com/the-good-place">The Good Place</a>.” Over four recently concluded seasons, the series follows the adventures and mishaps of four utterly self-centered characters on their quest to become decent and selfless human beings.</p> <p>The deeper question this <a href="https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/9/26/20874217/the-good-place-series-finale-season-4-moral-philosophy">philosophy-laced comedy</a> raises is: Can people be truly selfless?</p> <p>The technical term for this behavior is <a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/altruism/definition">altruism</a> – the willingness to help others, even at a cost to your own well-being. And if the answer to that question is yes, then are those of us who are selfish able to transform ourselves into kind and selfless individuals?</p> <p>I’m a <a href="https://scholar.google.de/citations?user=hC6IzXMAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">psychologist who uses brain science</a> to understand how people make decisions. With my team at the University of Oregon, I am investigating why many of us <a href="https://www.doi.org/10.1126/science.1140738">behave altruistically</a>, whether human beings become <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/xge0000209">more altruistic with age</a> and even whether it’s possible to <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2017.00599">learn how to be altruistic</a>.</p> <p><strong>Stumped philosophers</strong></p> <p>Whether people do altruistic deeds because of their altruistic nature or out of ulterior motives is a question that has <a href="https://yalebooks.yale.edu/book/9780300189490/does-altruism-exist">stumped philosophers, religious thinkers and social scientists</a> for centuries, because selfishness can inspire <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2234133?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents">seemingly altruistic acts</a>.</p> <p>For example, people may give away money to <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2118317">show off their wealth</a>, to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.evolhumbehav.2012.11.005">appear trustworthy</a> or simply to feel <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2234133">good about themselves</a>.</p> <p>Even <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=XuOFf0oAAAAJ&amp;hl=en&amp;oi=ao">Pamela Hieronymi</a>, a University of California, Los Angeles philosopher who informally served as a consultant for the hit TV show, has expressed serious skepticism about <a href="https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/vox/the-ezra-klein-show/e/64883521">whether anyone can turn from selfish to selfless</a>.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><iframe width="440" height="260" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lDnO4nDA3kM?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><span class="caption">Moral philosophy professor Chidi Anagonye, played by William Jackson Harper, teaches viewers and fellow characters like Eleanor Shellstrop, played by Kristen Bell, about human nature on ‘The Good Place.’</span></p> <p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Brain patterns</strong></p> <p>How do scholars like me study what goes on in people’s brains?</p> <p>My team had participants in a series of experiments lie in <a href="https://www.nibib.nih.gov/science-education/science-topics/magnetic-resonance-imaging-mri">MRI scanners</a>, looking at a screen that described different scenarios. Sometimes my colleagues and I told them that US$20 was being transferred to their bank accounts. At other times, the same amount would go to a charity, such as a local food pantry. Participants simply observed these $20 transfers, either to themselves or to the charity, without having any say in the matter.</p> <p>All the while, we scanned what neuroscientists consider the <a href="https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.21-16-j0002.2001">brain’s reward centers</a>, specifically the <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/nucleus-accumbens">nucleus accumbens</a>.</p> <p>This region, which is a little bigger than a peanut, plays a role in everything from sexual gratification to drug addiction and related neural sites. It becomes active when something happens that makes you happy and that you would like to see repeated in the future.</p> <p>The experience of money going to the charity boosted activity in those reward areas of the brain for many of our participants. And exactly this observation, we argue, is a manifestation of people’s true altruistic nature: They felt rewarded when someone in need becomes better off, even if they didn’t directly do anything to make a difference.</p> <p>We found that in about half of our study participants, activity in these reward areas was even stronger when the money went to the charity than when it landed in their own bank accounts. We determined that these people could be neurally defined as altruists.</p> <p>Then, in a separate stage of the experiment, all of these same participants had the choice to either give some of their money away or to keep it for themselves. Here, the neural altruists were about twice as likely as the others to give their money away.</p> <p>We believe that this finding indicates that purely altruistic motives can drive generous behavior – and that brain imaging can detect those motives.</p> <p><strong>Aging and altruism</strong></p> <p>In a related study my colleagues and I conducted, there were 80 participants who were between 20 and 64 years old, but otherwise were comparable in terms of their backgrounds. We found that the proportion of altruists – that is, those whose reward areas were more active when money went to the charity than to themselves – steadily increased with age, going from less than 25% through age 35 to around 75% among individuals 55 and older.</p> <p>Also, older participants tended to become more willing to give their money to charity or to volunteer in this experiment. And when assessing their personality characteristics through questionnaires, our group found that they exhibited traits such as agreeableness and empathy more strongly than younger participants.</p> <p>These observations align with growing evidence of more altruistic acts in the elderly. For example, the share of their income that 60-year-olds give to charity is three times as much as for <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/S1574-0714(06)02018-5">25-year-olds</a>. This is significant even though they <a href="https://dqydj.com/the-net-worth-of-different-age-groups-in-america/">tend to have more money</a> in general, making it easier to part with some of it.</p> <p>People who are 60 and up are about 50% more <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/55.2.S98">likely to volunteer</a>. They are also nearly <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-so-few-young-americans-vote-132649">twice as likely to vote</a> as those under 30.</p> <p>However, our results are the first to clearly demonstrate that older adults do not just act like they are nicer people, which might easily be driven by selfish motives such as making it more likely that they will be remembered fondly once they are gone. Rather, the fact that their reward areas are so much more responsive to experiencing people in need being helped suggests that they are actually, on average, kinder and genuinely more interested in the welfare of others than everyone else.</p> <p><strong>The road ahead</strong></p> <p>These findings raise lots of additional, important questions that we cover in an article we published in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0963721420910811">Current Directions in Psychological Science</a>, an academic journal. For example, additional research is needed in which people are followed across time to make sure that the age difference in generosity truly reflects personal growth, and not just generational differences. Also, we need to generalize our results to larger samples from more varied backgrounds.</p> <p>Most importantly, we don’t yet know why older adults appear to be more generous than younger folks. My colleagues and I are planning to look into whether realizing that you have fewer years to live makes you more concerned about the greater good.</p> <p>For the lead characters in “The Good Place,” the journey toward selflessness is an arduous ordeal. In real life, it may simply be a natural part of growing older.<!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ulrich-mayr-946364">Ulrich Mayr</a>, Lewis Professor and Department Head of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-oregon-811">University of Oregon</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/do-people-become-more-selfless-as-they-age-130443">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

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Having a sibling makes boys selfless

<p>Encouraging siblings to be friends has lasting effects on their wellbeing - especially for boys.</p> <p>A study from Brigham Young University found that strong sibling relationships make boys selfless.</p> <p>"In our study, most relationships were not as important for boys as they were for girls," the study's co-author Laura Padilla-Walker told the Salt Lake Tribune. "But the sibling relationship was different - they seemed to report relying on sibling affection just as much as girls do. It's an area where parents and therapists could really help boys."</p> <p>After following 308 teenage siblings for three years, researchers found sibling relationships increased their ability to feel sympathy for others and also increased levels of selflessness.</p> <p>The data was selected from waves three, four and five of the Flourishing Families study.</p> <p>Padilla-Walker and fellow professor Jim Harper found, "Having a sibling you can count on seems to make a difference especially for pro-social behaviour," said Harper.</p> <p>"Best friends make a contribution, but siblings still matter," said Padilla-Walker.</p> <p>Researchers also found boys who experience aggressive relationships with a brother or sister can experience behavioural problems later in life.</p> <p>Still, sibling rivalry is only natural.</p> <p>Parenting educator, Michael Grose said its nature's way for kids' to develop their skills.</p> <p>But merely, breaking up a fight isn't enough.</p> <p>"The absence of conflict does not mean the presence of affection," Padilla-Walker said. "It's OK if siblings fight but help them get through that and have other positive interactions."</p> <p>Grose said, "In some ways the parents have got to be a coach and coach them to make up with their siblings."</p> <p>While there are varying reasons for children not to get along, Grose, the author of Why First-Borns Rule the World and Last-Borns Want to Change it, said approval and being noticed by parents are the main reasons that cause conflict among siblings.</p> <p>So what should parents be doing to help siblings form positive relationships?</p> <p><strong>Encourage random acts of kindness</strong></p> <p>Encourage them to be kind to each other, said Grose. "It's those little things that happen all the time." For example, asking an older sibling to read a story to their brother or sister.</p> <p><strong>Don't compare your kids to each other</strong></p> <p>Comparing your kids is a quick way to build resentment among siblings. Try and avoid saying things like saying things like, "but your sister can do it".</p> <p><strong>Ensure a balance of power</strong></p> <p>Parents should ensure there is a balance of power between siblings. "If one doesn't stop when the other says they've had enough and they give in, that can be bullying," said Grose. In this situation the parent may need to be an advocate for the child.</p> <p><strong>Praise children individually</strong></p> <p>"Children are born with personality traits," Ruth Taylor, Relationship Educator at Relationships Australia, explains. "And they need their parents to accept them and value their strengths, as well as support and [give] encouragement to modify their behaviours in their own best interest."</p> <p>Fighting among siblings is inevitable but encouraging and fostering a positive relationship has many benefits.</p> <p>In the end, what matters is how "they pull together when the chips are down," said Michael Grose.</p> <p>The advantage of having another sibling is having someone to interact with "to develop skills such as empathy and being nice to each other."</p> <p>Tell us: Do you have siblings? Have you found the above research to be true? Share your experience with us in the comments below.</p> <p><em>Written by Livia Gamble. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz</span></strong></a>.</em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/05/how-to-say-no-to-babysitting-grandkids/"><strong><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;">How to say no when you’re unable to babysit grandkids</span></em></strong></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/important-things-to-let-little-children-do/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>7 important things little children should be allowed to do</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/what-i-hate-about-being-a-grandparent-today/"><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Grandparenting in the 21st century</span></strong></em></a></p>

Family & Pets

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Selfless mum continues to volunteer despite terminal cancer diagnosis

<p>Michigan mum, Mary Jo Hartman, has dedicated her life to volunteering and giving back to her community. And when the 56-year-old was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer back in May 2012, she wasn’t going to let that stop her from doing what she loves.</p> <p>"My mum's motto is, 'You can either sit around waiting to die or you can keep living life,'" Sarah Lafevre, Hartman's daughter, told TODAY.com. "She's a real inspiration."</p> <p>Mary volunteers at a local family crisis centre and youth homeless shelter, and also serves as the youth minister for both St. Genevieve Church and St. Thomas the Apostle Church. According to Today, she loves introducing high school students to the world of volunteering.</p> <p><img width="441" height="554" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/12696/mary_441x554.jpg" alt="Mary" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>But sadly Mary received more terrible news on November 19 this year. Her doctors told her she only had one month to live. Even the grim diagnosis hasn’t stopped Mary.</p> <p>"If anything, the prognosis has made her want to do more because she has such a short amount of time left," Sarah said.</p> <p>"She plans to continue working and volunteering for as long as this world gives her.”</p> <p>Mary is also determine to celebrate one last Christmas with her loving family.</p> <p>After receiving the news, her family were going to move the Christmas party to make sure she could be there.</p> <p>Hartman told them, "Absolutely not."</p> <p>"It's been hard, but we're a tough family and we use humour to get through it," Sarah said. "There's nothing a good laugh can't heal in our family."</p> <p><strong>Related links: </strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/12/grandmother-retires-after-52-years-walking-kids-to-school/">Grandmother retires after 52 years walking kids to school</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/12/9-year-old-raises-money-for-sick-kids/">9-year-old raises $100,000 for sick kids</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/2015/12/twins-meet-at-birth/">Wonderful moment newborn twins meet for the first time</a></em></strong></span></p>

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Kiwi miner saves sea turtles with selfless act

<p>A group of sea turtles destined for the pot have been saved and returned to the ocean by a former West Coast miner working in Papua New Guinea.</p> <p>Kiwi Arron Culling and Queenslander Mark Machen bought the turtles for $50 each, drove up the road to the beach, and sent them out to freedom.</p> <p>Culling's Facebook post about the project has been shared more than 75,000 times and been tweeted by people around the world. In his post, Cullings said he "found these at the local market got them for 50 bucks drove 5km up the road and let them go".</p> <p>Culling said the reaction to the post has been "a bit out of it".</p> <p>"The world famous turtles," he said. He had taken the photo of Machen releasing the turtles and didn't expect for it to spread around the world.</p> <p>"It's out of control. The next morning I had 200 friend requests and my phone was going nuts with all the alerts and messages. It's quite amazing the power of social media," he said.</p> <p>He said the pair had set about 11 turtles, believed to be endangered, free so far. </p> <p>"There is a local market a couple of Ks from where we are staying and we drive past there coming home from work every day. In the late afternoon about 4pm the fishermen come to the market to sell what they've caught that day and every now and then we see a turtle."</p> <p>"On the day I took the photo we saw three there and Mark went up to the sellers and got the price down. We took them to the beach and set them free. It's better than leaving them there to get eaten. People eat them here it's a customary food. If they're not sold they just go back to a village and get eaten anyway," he said. </p> <p>They paid about $50 for two turtles, one large and one small.</p> <p><img width="499" height="280" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/12182/miner-turles_499x280.jpg" alt="Miner Turles"/></p> <p><em>Mr Culling returning the turtle to the surf. Image credit: Arron Culling / Facebook</em></p> <p>"It's not nice to see them sitting there suffering. The little one was full of life but the big one had been there for a while and was pretty subdued. They were quite relieved to get back in the water. The little one took off but the big was disoriented and kept coming back up the beach so Mark waded in with it and off it went," he said.</p> <p>He had been working in Bougainville for about three years with a mining company. He travelled back to his home in Greymouth on his days off to his wife Gayleen.</p> <p>Gayleen said she couldn't believe the reaction her husband had got for his post.</p> <p>She was very proud of his actions.</p> <p>Sea turtles fishing is still legal in that part of the world, despite growing conservation efforts to bolster the population of various species. Nearly all sea turtles are listed as endangered.</p> <p>Written by Joanne Carroll. First appeared on <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.Stuff.co.nz" target="_blank">Stuff.co.nz</a></strong></span>.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2015/12/top-15-topics-for-2015/">Top 15 topics from Facebook in 2015</a></em></span></strong></p> <p><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2015/12/foster-children-adoption-papers-christmas-present/">Watch the moment foster children unwrap adoption paper Christmas present</a></em></span></strong></p> <p><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><a href="/news/news/2015/12/best-photobombs-of-2015/">10 of the best photobombed pictures of 2015</a></em></span></strong></p>

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