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1 in 4 adults think smacking is necessary to ‘properly raise’ kids. But attitudes are changing

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/divna-haslam-893417">Divna Haslam</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a> “Do you want a smack?!” This has been a common refrain from many parents across history. Right along with “just wait till your father gets home”. Somehow parents thought this threat of violence would magically improve their child’s behaviour. The United Nations <a href="https://www.right-to-education.org/sites/right-to-education.org/files/resource-attachments/CRC_1989.pdf">Convention on the Rights of the Child</a> considers smacking and all types of physical punishment, however mild, a violation of child rights. It’s banned in <a href="https://endcorporalpunishment.org/countdown/">65 countries</a>. Yet it remains <a href="https://aifs.gov.au/resources/resource-sheets/physical-punishment-legislation#:%7E:text=Physical%20punishment%20by%20a%20parent%20towards%20a%20child%20remains%20lawful,'">legal</a> in Australia for parents to use “reasonable force” for discipline. Children are the only group of people it remains legal to hit. Our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/ajs4.301">new research</a> found one in four Australians still think physical punishment is necessary to “properly raise” children. And half of parents (across all age groups) reported smacking their children. But attitudes are slowly changing, with newer generations of parents less likely to smack their kids than previous ones. <h2>What is physical punishment?</h2> <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt1njkrb">Physical</a> or “corporal” punishment is the use of physical force to cause pain, but not injury, to discipline a child for misbehaviour. It’s distinct from physical abuse which is more extreme and not used to correct behaviour. Physical punishment is <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajs4.276#:%7E:text=Corporal%20punishment%20(CP)%20is%20the,and%20Christian%20missionaries%20during%20colonisation.">the most common type</a> of violence against children. It usually involves smacking, but also includes things like pinching, slapping, or using an implement such as wooden spoon, cane or belt. Smacking doesn’t actually work and makes behaviour <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797617729816?casa_token=YHpEf1m4GiwAAAAA%3A8VRH5_z9fufHJiFGpWVYAk0kuTZCCRB-zneATDatqfLomERAhcyyIES30hMPdIIQ-E-IHOTekiC0Zg&journalCode=pssa">worse over time</a>. And it’s <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Ffam0000191">associated with</a> children internalising problems, increased child aggression, poor parent-child relationships, poorer metal heath and more. In contrast, there are a lot of non-violent parenting strategies that <a href="https://theconversation.com/research-shows-its-harmful-to-smack-your-child-so-what-should-parents-do-instead-186739">do work</a>. <h2>Assessing the state of smacking in Australia</h2> We conducted the first <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/ajs4.301">study</a> to comprehensively assess the state of smacking and physical punishment in Australia. We wanted to determine if smacking was still common and how many Australians believed we need to smack our kids. We interviewed more than 8,500 Australians aged 16 to 65 years. Our sample was representative of the national population so we can be confident the findings represent the thoughts and experiences of Australians as a nation. Using such a large age range allowed us to compare people across different age groups to determine if changes are occurring. <h2>What we found</h2> Overall, six in ten (62.5%) Australians between 16–65 years had experienced four or more instances of smacking or physical punishment in childhood. Men were slightly more likely to be physically punished than women (66.3% v 59.1%). Young people, aged 16–24, reported slightly lower rates (58.4%) than older people suggesting a slight decline over time. But these rates remain unacceptably high. Overall, one in two (53.7%) Australian parents reported using some type of physical punishment, mostly about once a month. However, older parents reported on this retrospectively (what they did while raising children) and there were clear age differences: <ul> <li>64.2% of parents aged over 65 years had used physical punishment</li> <li>32.8% of parents 25–34 years had used it</li> <li>14.4% of parents under 24 had used it.</li> </ul> So younger generations of parents are substantially less likely to use physical punishment. <iframe id="3dcJw" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: none;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/3dcJw/2/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0"></iframe> Concerningly, one-quarter (26.4%) of all Australians still believe physical punishment is necessary to properly raise children. But the vast majority (73.6%) do not. And generational change is occurring. Some 37.9% of Australians older than 65 believe physical punishment is necessary compared to 22.9% of those aged 35–44 years, and only 14.8% of people under age 24. <iframe id="NT51y" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" style="border: none;" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/NT51y/3/" width="100%" height="400px" frameborder="0"></iframe> Socioeconomically disadvantaged people are 2.3 times more likely to believe physical punishment is necessary than those with no disadvantage. Parents who had been physically disciplined when they were children were both more likely to believe it is needed and more likely to use it with their own children. This indicates this form of violence is transmitted across generations. <h2>Time for change</h2> Law reform works best when changes in community attitudes and behaviours are already occurring. So it’s encouraging that younger people are much less likely to believe physical punishment is necessary and are much less likely to use it. This suggests Australians may be open to prohibiting this common form of violence. All states and territories should immediately enact legal reform to prohibit corporal punishment and protect the rights of Australian children. This should be paired with public health and education campaigns about what parents can do instead. If you are a parent looking for effective non-violent parenting strategies the <a href="https://www.health.gov.au/ministers/the-hon-greg-hunt-mp/media/406-million-to-support-the-mental-health-and-wellbeing-of-aussie-kids">government</a> has also made the <a href="https://www.triplep-parenting.net.au/qld-en/free-parenting-courses/triple-p-online-under-12/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgqGrBhDtARIsAM5s0_mmMmbY3khwvp306pGOijqntKzYh6dDI5lQYszLgl6_BOGnuk8HMeEaAn_vEALw_wcB">Triple P Positive Parenting Program</a> available for free. This online program provides practical strategies parents can use to encourage positive behaviour and calm, alternative discipline techniques that can be used to instead of smacking. A number of other evidence-based programs, such as <a href="https://tuningintokids.org.au/">Tuning Into Kids</a>, Parents Under Pressure and <a href="https://www.pcit.org/pcit-in-australia.html">Parent Child Interaction Therapy</a>, are also available. Australia has an opportunity to capitalise on naturally occurring societal changes. We can interrupt this cycle of violence and give more Australians a childhood free of violence. <img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218837/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/divna-haslam-893417">Divna Haslam</a>, Senior Research Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queensland-university-of-technology-847">Queensland University of Technology</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/1-in-4-adults-think-smacking-is-necessary-to-properly-raise-kids-but-attitudes-are-changing-218837">original article</a>.

Caring

“I didn’t come to play”: Bruce Willis’ wife smacks down trolls

Emma Heming Willis has been forced to shut down the heartless trolls targeting her in the wake of husband Bruce Willis’ dementia diagnosis. In a video posted to social media, the 44-year-old model throws away claims that she’s been using Bruce for her “five minutes” of fame, and instead declares that she will turn them “into 10 because I'm always going to advocate for my husband.” Emma - who has spoken openly about her support for Bruce - once again stressed that she would be using this opportunity to raise awareness, before she was “going to turn my grief, and my anger, and my sadness, and do something good, around something that feels less than.” “So, watch this space,” she said, “because I didn’t come to play.” Emma’s message comes barely three days after she <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/caring/any-tips-bruce-willis-wife-posts-heartfelt-plea" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reached out to followers</a>, “caregivers, or dementia care specialists navigating this world” alike, seeking advice on how to help “get your loved ones out in the world safely”. “If you are someone who is looking after someone who has dementia,” she said in the clip, “you know how difficult and how stressful it can be, just to get them out into the world and navigate them safely - even just to get a cup of coffee.” And while the response to her post was overwhelmingly positive, the cruel few determined to make things worse for everyone just had to say their piece, and to prompt Emma’s fight back. They were nowhere to be seen in her latest post - possibly hiding with their tails tucked between their legs - and instead, she was once more met with an outpouring of support. <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cpf2KBOOVc7/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cpf2KBOOVc7/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Emma Heming Willis (@emmahemingwillis)</a> </div> </blockquote> “HELL YES!” wrote Bruce’s eldest daughter, Rumer. “I am so so proud of you!” “As a Registered Nurse, I appreciate you being a patient advocate for your husband,” said another, before requesting Emma do the exact opposite of what the internet trolls craved, “please don’t stop, we need people like you in the medical community!!! Hang in there. You are doing beautiful.” One now-supporter, who admitted that her previous perception of Emma had been negative and generated by the paparazzi, said, “Good for you … so sorry for what you and your family are going through. You truly are a woman of substance and power. I will be listening and learning.” “You go girl! There is an army of people behind you,” urged another. “Having to deal with your husband’s illness is bad enough but also having to deal with rude and intrusive press is unimaginable,” one said. “Keep shouting, keep protecting. He deserves the best life imaginable!!” “Emma, how sad is it when people don't get it,” another wrote, “this is such a problem in our society today...the lack of empathy. Why would people choose to believe that this is something you are doing for attention? Your family is going through hell - their foundation rocked, but it's a ploy??? Advocating for and protecting your family is what mama bears do!!!” Images: Instagram

Caring

Research shows it’s harmful to smack your child, so what should parents do instead?

Today, if a parent smacks a child mid-tantrum in the supermarket, they are likely to get looks of disapproval from other shoppers. Smacking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be. Recent <a href="https://www.australianchildmaltreatmentstudy.org/the-prevalence-of-corporal-punishment-in-australia/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">research</a> shows only 15% of people aged 16-24 view physical discipline as necessary to properly raise children. This compares with 38% of people over 65. But it still happens – and it is very harmful to children. So we need to help parents find alternative methods of discipline. <h2>It is more common than you might think</h2> In 2017, the royal commission into child sexual abuse recommended a national study on how common child abuse is in Australia. Early findings <a href="https://www.australianchildmaltreatmentstudy.org/the-prevalence-of-corporal-punishment-in-australia/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">released last month</a> revealed 61% of those aged 16-24 said they were physically hit for discipline four or more times during their childhood. The research also found those who were hit had almost double the risk of depression and anxiety. This partly because those who had been smacked as a child may have also experienced other forms of mistreatment, such as harsh parental reactions, neglect or insufficient support. This fits with other research showing negative consequences if children are smacked or hit. A 2016 <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000191" target="_blank" rel="noopener">review</a> of more than 70 international studies showed it was linked to reduced compliance with parents’ instructions over time, children having increased aggression and antisocial behaviour, mental health problems, and lower self-esteem. In adulthood, it is also linked to antisocial behaviour and being either a victim or perpetrator of intimate partner violence. <h2>What does the law say?</h2> Currently, the use of reasonable force for the purpose of discipline in the home remains lawful under <a href="https://aifs.gov.au/resources/resource-sheets/physical-punishment-legislation" target="_blank" rel="noopener">criminal law provisions</a> or common law principles made by courts. This is despite the fact it is illegal in most Australian states and territories in other settings such as schools, or between adults – where it is classed as assault. Many countries are changing their laws because they understand the harms and because it is a violation of <a href="https://www.ohchr.org/en/instruments-mechanisms/instruments/convention-rights-child" target="_blank" rel="noopener">children’s right</a> to live a life free from violence. Already, <a href="https://endcorporalpunishment.org/countdown/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">63 countries</a> have banned corporal punishment for children, including New Zealand, Sweden, Denmark, South Korea, Wales, Scotland, France and Japan. Parenting and family researchers have <a href="https://theconversation.com/lets-talk-about-making-smacking-children-illegal-16399" target="_blank" rel="noopener">long been pushing</a> for an end to corporal punishment <a href="https://www.3aw.com.au/growing-calls-to-make-smacking-children-illegal-as-england-considers-move/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">in Australia</a> as well. <h2>Parenting is stressful</h2> But this is not just about law reform. Raising kids can be challenging at the best of times. Kids misbehave or may not be in control of their emotions, and parents need to provide guidance to their children about what is appropriate behaviour. The good news is there are <a href="https://rdcu.be/cEvhu" target="_blank" rel="noopener">evidence-based alternatives</a> to smacking. These are <a href="https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220607-what-should-you-do-when-a-child-misbehaves" target="_blank" rel="noopener">strategies</a> that aim to help children understand what behaviours are expected, teach them to work through their feelings and learn how to repair a situation or solve a problem. These approaches lead to much better outcomes for parents and children, including more realistic expectations on the part of the parent and a better relationship between the parent and child. They also improve a child’s well-being and mental health. <h2>So, what are the alternatives to smacking?</h2> Here are some approaches to consider with your child: 1. Give clear and consistent limits about what you expect Children need to know how you want them to behave and for this to be clear. An example might be: “It’s not OK to hit your brother” or “You can’t take lollies off the supermarket shelves without asking me first.” 2. Manage your own emotions Anger is contagious, so try not to lose your temper in front of your kids. Instead, pause before you react: take three deep breaths, have a cold drink of water, or step outside for a moment. 3. Be a good role model for your child when you don’t manage situations well Parents need to show how they manage their own emotions - or make amends when they act in less-than-ideal ways. Parents should be brave enough to say “I’m sorry I got angry and shouted at you. I wasn’t very patient.” 4. Explore the emotions behind behaviour Kids can be uncertain or confused by their emotions. So, try and help them understand their feelings. This could include saying something like “I can see you felt left out and jealous”. Also validate their emotions because this helps them feel accepted by you while learning to understand and manage their feelings. For example, say “It’s difficult when this happens”. When they are calmer, you could explore other feelings behind their actions. This is about separating feelings (jealousy, frustration) from behaviour (hitting). All feelings are okay, but not all behaviours. 5. Resolve problems when everyone is calm No one can think, talk or listen properly if they are upset. Take time to do some breathing or something soothing with your child. Or perhaps they need a run around to release strong feelings. 6. Support children to make amends When everyone is calmer, help them work out the solution or next step. This teaches them how to resolve situations, repair relationships and take responsibility for their behaviour. You might say something like, “It can be embarrassing saying sorry to someone you’ve been angry with. What do you think might help?” 7. Explore natural consequences If something is broken, children might need to fix it, use pocket money to replace it, or explore what might make the situation better. Children need family rules about behaviour and it can be useful to discuss what should happen if these are broken. Getting discipline right is not easy as a parent, grandparent or carer. And this can be especially difficult if you were brought up with smacking (and have older relatives telling you it is “fine”). It’s worth remembering a <a href="https://www.childmatters.org.nz/downloads/CUB.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">slogan</a> frequently used when we talk about an end to smacking: “children are unbeatable”. They deserve the same protection from violence as adults. This article originally appeared in <a href="https://theconversation.com/research-shows-its-harmful-to-smack-your-child-so-what-should-parents-do-instead-186739" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Legal

New research into the great smacking debate

Spanking children doubles their risk of developing depression and anxiety, according to preliminary results from a team of Australian researchers. The findings come from the Australian Child Maltreatment study, which surveyed 8500 Aussies - including 3500 young people aged between 16-24 years - were presented at the Australian Institute of Family Studies national conference. Out of the 3500 young people surveyed, the researchers found that children who have been smacked or subject to corporal punishment at least three times by a parent or caregiver were twice as likely to develop a “clinically diagnosable”mental health disorder. “Unsurprisingly there were strong associations between experiences of maltreatment and subsequent mental health, and with experiences of non-suicidal self-injury,” a statement on the study’s website <a href="https://www.australianchildmaltreatmentstudy.org/the-prevalence-of-corporal-punishment-in-australia/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reads</a>. Approximately 61 percent of those surveyed experienced corporal punishment, which can include smacking, pulling, pinching, or hitting a child with an object such as a wooden spoon or belt. Professor Daryl Higgins, the study’s lead researcher and Director of the Institute of Child Protection Studies at the Australian Catholic University, told <a href="https://7news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/is-it-wrong-to-smack-your-kids-new-research-says-its-causing-anxiety-and-depression-c-7188494" target="_blank" rel="noopener">7News</a> physical punishments such as smacking are intended to “cause pain but injury as part of correctional behavioural control - so it’s part of a parenting strategy”. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Great interview on Ch 9 by <a href="https://twitter.com/HigginsDaryl?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@HigginsDaryl</a> from our <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ACMS?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#ACMS</a> team on the prevalence and impact of <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/smacking?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#smacking</a> & corporal punishment in Australia. 🧵 for more info on this study. 1/3 <a href="https://t.co/87vYHM2gLs">https://t.co/87vYHM2gLs</a> — Divna Haslam PhD (@DivnaHaslam) <a href="https://twitter.com/DivnaHaslam/status/1537329206941872128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 16, 2022</a></blockquote> The full results of the study are expected to be released next year, with Professor Higgins noting more findings linking corporal punishment and poor mental health outcomes are likely to emerge. “There is a very real connection between corporal punishment and current and lifelong experiences of mental ill health,” he said. “If you want to reduce population level anxiety for women and men, don’t hit them as children.” The study also found that just over 30 percent of respondents experienced non-suicidal self-injury, with a strong assocation to childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse. Of those who experienced child sexual abuse, men and women were 3.7 and 5.9 times more likely to report self-harm respectively. Women who were exposed to domestic violence were 2.9 times more likely to develop depression and 2.2 times more likely to develop anxiety, while men were 1.9 and 2.4 times more likely to experience either condition respectively. Though the study isn’t the first connecting hitting children with poor outcomes - with <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/mind/spanking-does-more-harm-than-good-study-finds" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a review of 69 studies finding physical punishment didn’t improve a child’s behaviour</a> - Professor Higgins said it is the first time its prevalence in Australia has been investigated. “It’s the first time we’ve got prevalence of this experience of corporal punishment for Australia,” he said. With the argument among some Australians - particularly in older demographics - that they were smacked and turned out just fine being a prevalent one, Professor Higgins countered that believing that smacking has negative effects “comes down to whether you can trust science or not”. “Anyone who smokes and says, ‘Well I smoke and I don’t have lung cancer, therefore there is no link between smoking and lung cancer’ - well, I’m sorry, that sort of view is just not supported by the science, and we need to take the same rigorous approach here,” he explained. “A case study of one does not prove something.” Image: Getty Images

Family & Pets

Is smacking children OK? Parenting expert speaks out

The issue of smacking is one that continues to sprak fierce debate. There are those who say hitting a child with an open hand on the buttocks is a reasonable and necessary form of discipline, and there are others who believe smacking is an outdated way of disciplining children. The <a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/news/news/2017/03/conclusive-evidence-that-spanking-is-bad-for-children/">current research finds smacking is the least effecting way to discipline children</a>. It also has been linked to an increased likelihood of poor health, social and developmental outcomes. Parenting expert, <a href="https://www.sharonwitt.com.au/" target="_blank">Sharon Witt</a> says there are better strategies parents can use when it comes to managing their kids. “Thirty years ago smacking was the way children were disciplined. But now there are many other ways we can use to guide our children,” she told the Daily Mail. Here are some other strategies for keeping kid in check that work better than smacking. Use time outs The “time out” is not a new disciplinary measure but it works, according to parenting experts. “Parents have to be mindful that giving a child a smack because you are frustrated is not really teaching them the right thing. In our society we can't really hit someone because we are frustrated with them,” Witt says. The expert suggests the classic counting to 10 to give the child time to change their behaviour. This allows children to become aware that there are consequences to their bad behaviour – and give parents some breathing space from a heated situation. “Often when children are crying or screaming they are trying to communicate they are very frustrated and they are not feeling in control,” she said. “So a parent losing control by giving them a smack is not the right circuit breaker and this is not going to help the situation.” Give children consequences that work “Consequences should be immediate as children can't really associate their current behaviour with something that is going to happen in the future,” Witt says. “Children need consequences to be quite instant and parents need to have some strategies available in the event they need to enforce discipline. “Consequences might be having time out, or the child is told they're not allowed to watch a favourite show or technology will be taken away.” Maintain boundaries (and consequences) “[Parents] need to continue to reinforce boundaries. When children start to really push boundaries around adolescent years, which they will do naturally, parents need to keep boundaries in place to keep them safe, and to show them they are loved and cared for,” Witt states. “While there will be times when parents may need to loosen tight reins, they also need to remind children that there are boundaries in place and that consequences if they do break those boundaries.” Witt says that children need to know that there are consequences for their actions but also be allowed to have some choice in those consequences. “This gives kids a bit of control so they know what the boundaries are. It's about learning to live in a family environment where everyone contributes. “The best thing we can do is continue to reinforce boundaries and reinforce consequences but doing this in a loving way.” Talk to others for support Turning to your community for support and discussing different ways of raising children is a great way to learn about different stratgies to parent. “If parents don't feel in control, it's really important they seek some assistance themselves,” Witt outlined. This can be through grandparents, relatives, a counsellor or a support group, as well as making connections with other parents and guardians. “Chatting to other parents can be really helpful when it comes to learning other strategies. It can be really helpful to find out what other parents are doing and how they handle certain situation.”

Caring

What 5 decades of research reveals about smacking

Smacking is associated with more aggression, more antisocial behaviour, more mental health and cognitive problems, and poorer relationships with parents, according to the most comprehensive analysis of the research to date. And, it appears that the detrimental effects may also reach into adulthood. 2014 data from UNICEF revealed that around the world, 80 per cent of children are smacked or physically disciplined by their parents. It's a controversial issue and the subject of hundreds of studies documenting the impact of corporal punishment on a range of emotional, behavioural, physical and cognitive outcomes. The current research, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, examined 50 years of work involving over 160,000 children. Defining smacking as "hitting a child on their buttocks or extremities using an open hand", Elizabeth Gershoff of The University of Texas and Andrew Grogan-Kaylor of The University of Michigan, examined a range of studies in an attempt to draw more definitive conclusions about the consequences of physical discipline. In a statement, Gershoff explained: "We found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents' intended outcomes when they discipline their children." Specifically, in childhood, smacking was associated with: more aggression, more antisocial behaviour, more externalising problems, more internalising problems, more mental health issues and poorer relationships with parents. It was also linked to lower cognitive ability and lower self-esteem. Undesirable outcomes Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor also highlighted the link between physical discipline and physical abuse. "We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviours," explained Gershoff, of this finding. "Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree." As part of their analysis, Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor also explored the long-term effects of having been physically disciplined as a child. Adults who were smacked were more likely to display antisocial behaviour and experience mental health problems. In addition, they were more likely to support the use of physical punishment when it came to their own children. "The finding that a history of received spanking is linked with more support for spanking of children as an adult may be an example of intergenerational transmission of spanking, or it may be an example of adults selectively remembering their past as a way of rationalising their current beliefs," the researchers noted. The authors caution that given a large proportion of the studies they analysed were correlational or retrospective in nature, causal links between smacking and the reported child outcomes cannot be established. "That said," they write, "…we can conclude that the data are consistent with a conclusion that spanking is associated with undesirable outcomes." Time to reconsider Importantly, Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor discovered that the association between smacking and these undesirable outcomes did not depend on how smacking was assessed, who reported the smacking, the country where the research was conducted, or how old the children were. Smacking was associated with negative outcomes consistently and across all types of studies. The researchers conclude that given "there is no evidence that spanking does any good for children and all evidence points to the risk of it doing harm", parents who use it, and practitioners who recommend it, should reconsider doing so. "We hope that our study can help educate parents about the potential harms of spanking and prompt them to try positive and non-punitive forms of discipline," Gershoff said. Tell us: What’s your opinion on smacking? Is there ever a situation where it’s acceptable given the research findings? Written by Ariane Beeston. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank">Stuff.co.nz</a>. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/important-things-to-let-little-children-do/">7 important things little children should be allowed to do</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/are-the-lives-of-children-today-too-hectic/">Are the lives of children today too hectic?</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/how-to-discipline-kids-without-yelling/">Why you shouldn’t yell at kids</a>

Family & Pets

The day I smacked my grandson

Anne Marr 68, recounts the day she went against her daughter’s wishes and smacked her grandson. My daughter and her son moved in with me and husband. Life as retired pensioners changed and adjustments needed to happen. My daughter had a full-time job so my partner and I cared for our 22-month old grandson. We were lucky. I know many grandparents caring for three or more grandchildren – they deserve a medal. At the beginning my daughter said to me, “Now Mum, I have a no smack policy so you’re not allowed to hit him at all, ok”. “Well what do I do if he is naughty?” I asked. “Put him in his timeout corner for three minutes” she replied. That didn’t seem like much of a punishment to me, but she assured me that three minutes is a long time for a child. Well this worked ok for a while, but as he grew, getting him into the time out corner became impossible. By three years of age, he could run faster than we could. Putting him in timeout just wasn’t happening. I couldn’t catch him and he just wasn’t listening. The final straw came. Treating it like a trampoline, I caught him jumping on our couch. My grandmother’s china cabinet was only a few feet from the couch and I could see a terrible accident looming. “Stop doing that now it’s dangerous. If you fall into the cabinet the glass will break and you’ll get hurt,” I asserted. He laughed and kept jumping. I repeated the request twice. It fell on deaf ears. After giving him his third warning I said, “Stop or you’ll get a smack”. “You can’t do that,” he replied and kept jumping. Before he could jump off and run, I quickly grabbed him and gave him two quick smacks on the legs. Nothing too hard, but enough to sting a little. Well, he was so shocked that he started screaming, “I’ll tell my mummy on you. You’re in big trouble”. Then ran off to his bedroom crying, which was actually his timeout corner. Good, I thought, danger averted. A short time later my daughter arrived home and immediately grandson ran to her crying, “Grandma hit me, grandma hit me”. My daughter looked at me. I said quickly said, “Sorry love, your no smack policy broke today”. I proceeded to tell her what had happened and why. Well I’m pleased to say my daughter let common sense prevail, and said to her son, “You deserved that smack. You didn’t listen to grandma who was trying to stop you from hurting yourself. She has my permission to do this again if you’re in danger, so you’d better do as she tells you in future if you don’t want another smack. Now, say sorry to grandma and promise her you will listen.” I got a begrudging “Sorry grandma”. Happy to say that was the first and only time I actually had to smack my grandson. After that, whenever I said “Stop or else you know what will happen," he would stop. As he grew older, taking away his favourite toy for a day, if discipline was needed, proved to be very successful. He’s about to turn 12. He and his mother still live with us and he’s a caring and respectful boy. If you love them, sometimes the no smack policy needs to break. Have you found a no-smack policy works for you? If you have a story like this to share or another tale about caring for grandkids, we’d love to hear from you. Please email <a href="mailto:laura@oversixty.com.au">laura@oversixty.com.au</a> Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2015/12/life-lessons-from-grandparents/">Top 10 life lessons kids learn from grandparents</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/01/5-types-of-grandparents/">There are 5 different types of grandparents – which one are you?</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/01/parents-and-kids-who-look-identical/">10 pics of parents and kids who look identical</a>

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The day I smacked my grandson