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How do I handle it if my parent is refusing aged care? 4 things to consider

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lee-fay-low-98311">Lee-Fay Low</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p>It’s a shock when we realise our parents aren’t managing well at home.</p> <p>Perhaps the house and garden are looking more chaotic, and Mum or Dad are relying more on snacks than nutritious meals. Maybe their grooming or hygiene has declined markedly, they are socially isolated or not doing the things they used to enjoy. They may be losing weight, have had a fall, aren’t managing their medications correctly, and are at risk of getting scammed.</p> <p>You’re worried and you want them to be safe and healthy. You’ve tried to talk to them about aged care but been met with swift refusal and an indignant declaration “I don’t need help – everything is fine!” Now what?</p> <p>Here are four things to consider.</p> <h2>1. Start with more help at home</h2> <p>Getting help and support at home can help keep Mum or Dad well and comfortable without them needing to move.</p> <p>Consider drawing up a roster of family and friends visiting to help with shopping, cleaning and outings. You can also use home aged care services – or a combination of both.</p> <p>Government subsidised home care services provide from one to 13 hours of care a week. You can get more help if you are a veteran or are able to pay privately. You can take advantage of things like rehabilitation, fall risk-reduction programs, personal alarms, stove automatic switch-offs and other technology aimed at increasing safety.</p> <p>Call <a href="https://www.myagedcare.gov.au/">My Aged Care</a> to discuss your options.</p> <h2>2. Be prepared for multiple conversations</h2> <p>Getting Mum or Dad to accept paid help can be tricky. Many families often have multiple conversations around aged care before a decision is made.</p> <p>Ideally, the older person feels supported rather than attacked during these conversations.</p> <p>Some families have a meeting, so everyone is coming together to help. In other families, certain family members or friends might be better placed to have these conversations – perhaps the daughter with the health background, or the auntie or GP who Mum trusts more to provide good advice.</p> <p>Mum or Dad’s main emotional support person should try to maintain their relationship. It’s OK to get someone else (like the GP, the hospital or an adult child) to play “bad cop”, while a different person (such as the older person’s spouse, or a different adult child) plays “good cop”.</p> <h2>3. Understand the options when help at home isn’t enough</h2> <p>If you have maximised home support and it’s not enough, or if the hospital won’t discharge Mum or Dad without extensive supports, then you may be <a href="https://academic.oup.com/gerontologist/article/60/8/1504/5863160">considering a nursing home</a> (also known as residential aged care in Australia).</p> <p>Every person has a legal right to <a href="https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/9-your-right-choose-where-you-live">choose where we live</a> (unless they have lost capacity to make that decision).</p> <p>This means families can’t put Mum or Dad into residential aged care against their will. Every person also has the right to choose to take risks. People can choose to continue to live at home, even if it means they might not get help immediately if they fall, or eat poorly. We should respect Mum or Dad’s decisions, even if we disagree with them. Researchers call this “dignity of risk”.</p> <p>It’s important to understand Mum or Dad’s point of view. Listen to them. Try to figure out what they are feeling, and what they are worried might happen (which might not be rational).</p> <p>Try to understand what’s really important to their quality of life. Is it the dog, having privacy in their safe space, seeing grandchildren and friends, or something else?</p> <p>Older people are often understandably concerned about losing independence, losing control, and having strangers in their personal space.</p> <p>Sometimes families prioritise physical health over psychological wellbeing. But we need to consider both when considering nursing home admission.</p> <p><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9826495/">Research</a> suggests going into a nursing home temporarily increases loneliness, risk of depression and anxiety, and sense of losing control.</p> <p>Mum and Dad should be involved in the decision-making process about where they live, and when they might move.</p> <p>Some families start looking “just in case” as it often takes some time to <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/questions-to-ask-when-choosing-an-aged-care-home-for-a-loved-one/10302590">find the right nursing home</a> and there can be a wait.</p> <p>After you have your top two or three choices, take Mum or Dad to visit them. If this is not possible, take pictures of the rooms, the public areas in the nursing home, the menu and the activities schedule.</p> <p>We should give Mum or Dad information about their options and risks so they can make informed (and hopefully better) decisions.</p> <p>For instance, if they visit a nursing home and the manager says they can go on outings whenever they want, this might dispel a belief they are “locked up”.</p> <p>Having one or two weeks “respite” in a home may let them try it out before making the big decision about staying permanently. And if they find the place unacceptable, they can try another nursing home instead.</p> <h2>4. Understand the options if a parent has lost capacity to make decisions</h2> <p>If Mum or Dad have lost capacity to choose where they live, family may be able to make that decision in their best interests.</p> <p>If it’s not clear whether a person has capacity to make a particular decision, a medical practitioner can assess for that capacity.</p> <p>Mum or Dad may have appointed an <a href="https://www.tag.nsw.gov.au/wills/appoint-enduring-guardian/what-enduring-guardian">enduring guardian</a> to make decisions about their health and lifestyle decisions when they are not able to.</p> <p>An enduring guardian can make the decision that the person should live in residential aged care, if the person no longer has the capacity to make that decision themselves.</p> <p>If Mum or Dad didn’t appoint an enduring guardian, and have lost capacity, then a court or tribunal can <a href="https://www.tag.nsw.gov.au/guardianship/information-about-guardianship">appoint</a> that person a private guardian (usually a family member, close friend or unpaid carer).</p> <p>If no such person is available to act as private guardian, a public official may be appointed as public guardian.</p> <h2>Deal with your own feelings</h2> <p>Families often feel <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-023-04538-9">guilt and grief</a> during the decision-making and transition process.</p> <p>Families need to act in the best interest of Mum or Dad, but also balance other caring responsibilities, financial priorities and their own wellbeing.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221210/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lee-fay-low-98311"><em>Lee-Fay Low</em></a><em>, Professor in Ageing and Health, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-do-i-handle-it-if-my-parent-is-refusing-aged-care-4-things-to-consider-221210">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Mum slammed for being "stingy" after refusing to buy $2 snack for daughter's playdate

<p>A mum has come under fire for being "selfish" and "stingy" after refusing to buy a $2 snack for her 11-year-old daughter’s best friend.</p> <p>The woman, believed to be from the US, and her daughter Ellie were invited for a playdate at an indoor playground with 12-year-old Sophie and her mum.</p> <p>Sophie's mum offered to put them on her membership card so that Ellie and her mum could go to the indoor playground for free. </p> <p>“Sophie’s mum called me... and Sophie wanted to know if Ellie could come and play," she began in a Reddit thread called <em>Am I the a****** .</em></p> <p>"She offered to put me on her membership card so it would be free for me so I got Ellie in the car and we met them at the playground.” </p> <p>Trouble started when the girls got hungry after an hour of playing, and Ellie's mum only packed a snack for her daughter. </p> <p>“Sophie’s mum didn’t have any snacks on her,” she said.</p> <p>“I told her they sell snacks in the front but she claimed that she didn’t have any money on her and asked me to buy Sophie some Goldfish."</p> <p>Ellie's mum agreed to grab the crackers on one condition - Sophie's mum had to transfer the money to her. </p> <p>“She says she paid for my kid to get in so I could cover the $2 for the Goldfish. I said no, I took care of my kid and it’s not my job to take care of hers too.</p> <p>“I told her if she wanted me to bring snacks she should’ve told me when she invited me but I won’t be wasting $2 for a 50 cent bag of Goldfish because she was unprepared.”</p> <p>She added that Sophie's mum eventually managed to get snacks for her own daughter, and wondered "if she lied about not having money".</p> <p>She then accused Sophie's mum of being "petty" for asking her to pay back for “all the times” she's used her membership to get a guest pass at the indoor playground, adding that "they regularly pay for us to join them on outings.”</p> <p>Her post was met with over 2500 comments slamming her for being “selfish”, “stingy” and “ungrateful”.</p> <p>“You were invited to a place for free that you would otherwise have had to pay for. You only packed snacks for your child? Why didn’t you also take snacks for the other child?" one wrote. </p> <p>“Yes, you did not have to do so, and that child is not your responsibility, but if I was meeting someone for a playdate for my child, not paying to get in, knowing, at some point both girls were going to be hungry, I would have packed snacks for both, as a thank you for the invitation and just because," the commenter continued. </p> <p>“If someone asked me to transfer them $2, I’m rolling my eyes big time. It’s petty, especially when someone gave you something likely far more valuable," another added. </p> <p>“Seriously. I don’t even think I could tell a stranger no when it comes to feeding their hungry child, much less a person I know and spend time with," a third commented. </p> <p>Others called the mum a "fool", for potentially causing Ellie to lose her best friend.</p> <p>“Don’t be an idiot. Apologise. You might care about 50 cents. But your daughter will lose her best friend. And that is worth a lot more. Your daughter might never get a friend like that... And the fact that universe gift wrapped a friend for your daughter. And you choose to throw it in the trash. Wow, you are truly a fool," they said. </p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Selfie-taking tourists launched from Venice gondola after refusing to sit down

<p>A group of rowdy tourists have ended up in the waters of a Venice canal after causing a ruckus onboard the boat. </p> <p>Six passengers were travelling on a canal in the Italian hotspot when the boat was heading towards a low bridge that they needed to pass under. </p> <p>The gondolier explained to the tourists that they needed to sit down and be still as the boat passed under the bridge, explaining that a change in weight would cause an issue. </p> <p>Despite the gondolier's warning, the tourists continued to stand up and move around the narrow vessel to take selfies of their journey. </p> <p>Predictably, ignoring the requests of the gondolier caused the vessel to capsize, sending the tourists into the freezing water as the gondolier jumped to safety. </p> <p><iframe style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?height=314&amp;href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FSkyNewsAustralia%2Fvideos%2F854034223389998%2F&amp;show_text=false&amp;width=560&amp;t=0" width="560" height="314" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p> <p>No one was injured in the mishap, as the tourists swam to safety at the bank of the canal, before seeking refuge at La Fenice theatre, according to Venice police.</p> <p>According to a spokesman for the city’s gondola association, the gondola was not damaged, although the upholstered furniture in the vessel was ruined by the water. </p> <p>The spokesperson went on to confirm that the gondolier had instructed the tourists not to move around or stand up to take selfies during the manoeuvre, but due to a language barrier, the tourists did not comply.</p> <p><span style="font-family: abcsans, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Segoe UI, Roboto, Helvetica Neue, Arial, sans-serif;">A video of the incident was posted to an Instagram page called Venezia Non è Disneyland (Venice Is Not Disneyland), an account run by young locals to chronicle tourism in the city, with the video being flooded with comments about the misbehaved tourists. </span></p> <p><span style="font-family: abcsans, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Segoe UI, Roboto, Helvetica Neue, Arial, sans-serif;">Many Italian locals were quick to point out how rowdy the tourists must've been to cause the incident, with many pointing out they "didn't know it was possible to capsize a gondola". </span></p> <p><em><span style="font-family: abcsans, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Segoe UI, Roboto, Helvetica Neue, Arial, sans-serif;">Image credits: Facebook</span></em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Travelers will refuse an upgrade to sit near a loved one – new research into when people want to share experiences

<p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ximena-garcia-rada-1238853">Ximena Garcia-Rada</a>, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/texas-aandm-university-1672">Texas A&amp;M University</a></em>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/michael-norton-145591">Michael Norton</a>, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/harvard-university-1306">Harvard University</a></em>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-k-ratner-1439964">Rebecca K. Ratner</a>, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-maryland-1347">University of Maryland</a></em></p> <p><em>The <a href="https://theconversation.com/us/topics/research-brief-83231">Research Brief</a> is a short take about interesting academic work.</em></p> <h2>The big idea</h2> <p>People will often sacrifice a better experience and opt for one that’s less enjoyable if it means they can do it alongside a loved one – whether that’s a romantic partner, close friend or relative. That’s the main finding of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/jcpy.1352">our research</a> published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology in April 2023.</p> <p>For example, when taking a flight, two friends might decide to sit in adjacent seats in coach rather than accept a free upgrade to nonadjacent seats in first class. Failing to choose togetherness can have consequences, as in the “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2JKXbVGq7A">Seinfeld” episode</a> in which Elaine suffers the indignities of economy class, leading to rage against Jerry after he chooses to accept an upgrade.</p> <p>We conducted five studies in a variety of settings and featuring different social bonds, including friendships and romantic relationships. In one study, just over half of people chose two adjacent seats far from the stage over two nonadjacent seats closer to the stage when imagining they were attending a Cirque du Soleil performance with a close friend, compared with only about one-third who chose the adjacent seats when imagining attending with an acquaintance.</p> <p>In another study, we asked students whether they wanted to eat one chocolate with another person – either a new friend or a stranger – or two chocolates alone. Half the people chose the shared experience – but only if the other person was a friend. Fewer people – 38% – opted for the shared experience if the other person was a stranger.</p> <h2>Why it matters</h2> <p>One reason people prioritize physical proximity with close partners is because they want to create shared memories. Importantly, people believe that physical distance can disrupt the creation of shared memories, and so they forgo enjoyable experiences apart from their loved one.</p> <p>This also matters for companies seeking to improve customer experience, such as an airline offering free upgrades or shorter wait times. Our findings suggest that, for example, consumers traveling with a companion might not take advantage of services like TSA PreCheck, an airline VIP lounge or a free upgrade if it is available only for themselves. It also helps explain why consumers do not like when <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/06/travel/airlines-family-seating-dashboard.html">airlines split up families</a> in their seat assignments.</p> <p>However, we also tested a few initiatives marketers can use to encourage people to choose a higher-quality experience that requires them to be apart from their companion. In another experiment, we described a train ride as either a fun part of an excursion or as a practical way to reach a final destination. More participants accepted a free upgrade – even though it required sitting apart from their romantic partner – when they perceived the train ride as utilitarian. That’s because they cared less about creating shared memories during the experience.</p> <h2>What still isn’t known</h2> <p>We still don’t know how this preference affects relationship quality.</p> <p>For example, when can time apart from your partner actually strengthen the relationship? And how should couples split their time between lower-quality activities done together and higher-quality activities done alone? One option for separate activities, for example, might be when one partner’s desired activity does not interest the other.</p> <p>Also, given that people believe physical proximity is a prerequisite for creating shared memories, how can partners who live in different places also cultivate shared memories? This question is especially important in light of how COVID-19 has enabled more people to work and study remotely.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205363/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em>Image credit: Getty</em></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ximena-garcia-rada-1238853">Ximena Garcia-Rada</a>, Assistant Professor of Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/texas-aandm-university-1672">Texas A&amp;M University</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/michael-norton-145591">Michael Norton</a>, Professor of Business Administration, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/harvard-university-1306">Harvard University</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/rebecca-k-ratner-1439964">Rebecca K. Ratner</a>, Professor of Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-maryland-1347">University of Maryland</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/travelers-will-refuse-an-upgrade-to-sit-near-a-loved-one-new-research-into-when-people-want-to-share-experiences-205363">original article</a>.</em></p>

International Travel

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Girl, Interrupted interrogates how women are ‘mad’ when they refuse to conform – 30 years on, this memoir is still important

<p>Thirty years ago, American writer Susanna Kaysen published her memoir <a href="https://www.hachette.com.au/susanna-kaysen/girl-interrupted">Girl, Interrupted</a>. It tells the story of her two years inside McLean Hospital in Boston as a psychiatric patient.</p> <p>She was admitted, aged 18, in 1967. A few months earlier, she had taken 50 aspirin in a state of despair. Late in the book, she reveals she had a sexual relationship with her male English teacher at school.</p> <p>Kaysen was interviewed briefly by a doctor before she was admitted as a “voluntary” patient: a legal category used to indicate a person’s status in the institution. Despite what the term implies, “voluntary” doesn’t mean a patient can leave without the consent of their medical team, as Kaysen explains. People admitted as voluntary patients acknowledge their own need for treatment.</p> <p>During Kaysen’s stay, she was treated with an <a href="https://theconversation.com/story-of-antipsychotics-is-one-of-myth-and-misrepresentation-18306">antipsychotic</a> medication, chlorpromazine, and received psychotherapy. In her memoir, the stories of other young women confined with her at McLean convey sympathetic and recognisable experiences of the institutional world and its regime.</p> <p>Girl, Interrupted is one of the most famous memoirs of hospitalisation and mental illness. More <a href="https://www.euppublishing.com/doi/abs/10.3366/ircl.2019.0310?journalCode=ircl">recent interpretations</a> describe it as a narrative of “trauma”.</p> <h2>‘Mad’ or refusing to conform?</h2> <p>Kaysen did not anticipate the book’s reception at the time of its publication in 1993. It seemed to open readers up to tell their own stories, and they wrote to her from many places around the world to tell her about their hospitalisation. Looking back in a new edition published this year by Virago Books, she writes “it was surprising to me how many people had been in a mental hospital or had what used to be called a nervous breakdown”.</p> <p>When it appeared, her book was widely reviewed as “funny”, “wry”, “piercing” and “frightening”. Set out as a series of short vignettes, the book allowed readers the space to “insert themselves” into this story of human suffering.</p> <p>Investigating whether she had ever really been “crazy” – or just caught up in an oppressive approach to girls whose lives strayed from expectations – likely meant possible personal exposure, admission of frailty, and fear of judgement for Kaysen.</p> <p>Thirty years later, we have better understandings of trauma and of care for people with mental illness. So what can this book tell us now?</p> <p>Kaysen had waited almost three decades after these experiences before sharing her story in the early 1990s. This may be one reason it resonated with readers. The book was published at a time when most large institutions had closed as part of a worldwide trend towards deinstitutionalisation. Many people were starting to talk more openly about their own episodes of mental illness and recalling periods of hospitalisation that were sometimes grim and harrowing.</p> <p>By the 1990s, there was also much greater awareness of the uneven power relationships in psychiatric treatment. Women and girls, subject to gendered social expectations, have historically received different forms of medical and psychiatric treatment. Women have been described as “mad” for centuries when they refused to conform to gender norms.</p> <p>The book – an account of adolescent turmoil, with girlhood at the centre – can tell us about the lived experiences of teenage girls who face interior struggles over their mental health and wellbeing. Published in 1993 about the events of the late 60s, its insights are enduringly relevant.</p> <h2>A controversial diagnosis</h2> <p>In 1993, The New York Times ran an article titled “<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1993/06/20/books/a-designated-crazy.html">A Designated Crazy</a>” that explained Kaysen had hired a lawyer to access her patient clinical records, 25 years after being at McLean. These appear in the book.</p> <p>Placed at intervals in the narrative, these notes show the objectifying medical practices of admission, collecting information and establishing a diagnosis. The information in these clinical pages is deeply personal. Sharing them is an act of resistance and defiance.</p> <p>“Needed McLean for [the past] 3 years ... Profoundly depressed – suicidal ... Promiscuous … might get herself pregnant ... Ran away from home ... Living in a boarding house.”</p> <p>Kaysen’s father, an academic at Princeton, wrote these notes in April 1967.</p> <p>In June 1967, the formal medical notes from her admitting doctor stated she had “a chaotic and unplanned life”, was sleeping badly, was immersed in “fantasy” and was isolated.</p> <p>Kaysen was admitted as “depressed”, “suicidal” and “schizophrenic”, with “borderline personality disorder”.</p> <p>While the psychiatric diagnoses used in the 1960s still exist, the borderline diagnosis is <a href="https://theconversation.com/borderline-personality-disorder-is-a-hurtful-label-for-real-suffering-time-we-changed-it-41760">now controversial</a>. Progressive psychologists and feminist psychologists are more likely to use the term “complex trauma”. Some of the other young women in the memoir had traumatic life experiences of sexual abuse and violence, which manifested as <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-many-people-have-eating-disorders-we-dont-really-know-and-thats-a-worry-121938">eating disorders</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-is-self-harm-and-why-do-people-do-it-11367">self harm</a>.</p> <p>Diagnostic labels have evolved over time. The first edition of the <a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-is-the-dsm-and-how-are-mental-disorders-diagnosed-9568">Diagnostic and Statistical Manual</a> (DSM) was published in 1952. In 1967, the year of Kaysen’s committal, the DSM did not include “borderline personality disorder”, though the borderline concept had been <a href="https://www.press.jhu.edu/newsroom/dsm-history-psychiatrys-bible">theorised from the 1940s.</a></p> <h2>McLean’s famous patients</h2> <p>We can also read the book as an exposé of the controlling world of psychiatric institutions for people in the 1960s. The vast majority of people with psychiatric conditions were confined in public institutions, in often overcrowded conditions. Abuses happened, and violence was common.</p> <p>One distinction for those hospitalised at McLean in Boston, a private institution, was that it housed people whose families could afford the steep fees. Kaysen’s father had to declare his salary when he signed the paperwork. Famous patients included the mathematician <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-legacy-of-john-nash-and-his-equilibrium-theory-42343">John Forbes Nash</a> (whose story was told in the film, <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0268978/">A Beautiful Mind</a>), and New England poets Robert Lowell and <a href="https://theconversation.com/60-years-since-sylvia-plaths-death-why-modern-poets-cant-help-but-write-after-sylvia-199477">Sylvia Plath</a> in the late 1950s.</p> <p>McLean’s own “biography” is the subject of another book. <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2002/01/the-asylum-on-the-hill/303058/">Gracefully Insane</a> shows its reputation as housing sometimes idiosyncratic and wealthy people whose families wanted them to be hidden, fearful of the stigma of mental illness in the family.</p> <p>Plath’s <a href="https://www.allenandunwin.com/browse/book/Sylvia-Plath-Bell-Jar-9780571268863">The Bell Jar</a> fictionalises her hospitalisation at McLean in the 1950s, following a suicide attempt.</p> <p>"Doctor Gordon’s private hospital crowned a grassy rise at the end of a long, secluded drive that had been whitened with broken quahog shells. The yellow clapboard walls of the large house, with its encircling verandah, gleamed in the sun, but no people strolled on the green dome of the lawn."</p> <p>Like Kaysen, Plath’s character Esther Greenwood has been involved in sexual relationships with men that made her uneasy, affecting her confidence and sense of self. Skiing with Buddy Willard, she falls and breaks her leg: “you were doing fine”, someone says, “until that man stepped into your path”.</p> <p>Later, floundering at college, she too is admitted by a male doctor acting on the advice of her mother: she has not slept, she is exhausted, she is not herself. He advises she needs shock therapy.</p> <p>In her new biography of Plath, <a href="https://www.penguin.com.au/books/red-comet-9781529113143">Red Comet</a>, Heather Clark describes McLean in the 1950s as reliant on shock therapy and activities, rather than psychoanalysis and careful therapeutic interventions. It was reputedly only a “notch above” a public institution, though it had the veneer of being for elite residents.</p> <p>Just a few years before Kaysen’s admission to McLean, Plath died by suicide in 1963, aged 30. The Bell Jar had been published one month earlier, under a pseudonym. By the late 1960s, teenage admissions were a focus for McLean’s doctors.</p> <p>Did adolesence present a new challenge for families and authorities, making young women vulnerable to institutionalisation?</p> <h2>Psychiatry and romantic love</h2> <p>Revisiting Girl, Interrupted, I am struck by its raw and honest recognition of the way women have sometimes experienced relationships with men as inherently oppressive. The structures of psychiatry and romantic love intersect throughout this book.</p> <p>Kaysen, like Plath, sees the family as a toxic institution. Male psychiatrists loom over both women, imposing in their authority to diagnose. “He looked triumphant”, wrote Kaysen of her doctor. “Doctor Gordon cradled his pencil like a slim, silver bullet”, wrote Plath.</p> <p>Women writing about their own madness has a long history. American writer Charlotte Perkins Gilman (1860–1935) penned the story <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/286957.The_Yellow_Wall_Paper">The Yellow Wallpaper</a> in The New England Magazine in 1892. It <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2020/feb/07/charlotte-perkins-gilman-yellow-wallpaper-strangeness-classic-short-story-exhibition">tells the tale</a> of a woman’s mental and physical exhaustion following childbirth.</p> <p>Historians such as Elizabeth Lunbeck <a href="https://press.princeton.edu/books/paperback/9780691025841/the-psychiatric-persuasion">write about</a> the way a “psychiatric persuasion” came to dominate thinking about gender in the early 20th century. Psychiatrists began to see everyday life difficulties – such as the changes experienced during adolescence – as signalling illness (we might say, pathologising “normal” responses to stressful events). The rise of psychiatric expertise paralleled their professional reactions to women (and men) who struggled with life.</p> <p>In Australia, the history of “good and mad women” up to the 1970s by <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books/about/Good_and_Mad_Women.html?id=NIZ9QgAACAAJ&amp;redir_esc=y">Jill Julius Matthews</a> showed that women who experienced hospitalisation as a result of mental breakdown were perceived as having “failed” to meet the gendered expectations of them. Femininity and its constraints left some women unable to function or live authentic lives.</p> <h2>Institutions on film</h2> <p>Girl, Interrupted was released <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172493/">as a film</a> by Columbia Pictures in 1999, with a cast of rising and established young actors, including Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie and Brittany Murphy. It dramatised the interpersonal relationships inside the hospital described by Kaysen.</p> <p>The film script was not only the perfect vehicle for an ensemble cast of these women. It was also another opportunity to make mental illness visible on the screen. Another page-to-screen adaptation in 1975, Milos Forman’s film of Ken Kesey’s <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073486/">One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest</a>, brought to life the dramatic environment of institutional control and violence personified by the character of Nurse Ratched.</p> <p>Girl, Interrupted’s screenplay surfaced different women’s experiences of abuse, neglect, trauma and violence to explain their behaviours and responses to institutional constraints.</p> <p>Like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, the film also emphasised the theme of resistance to institutional control. Patients hid pill medications under the tongue, broke into the hospital administration office to look at their case files, and found ways to circumvent the routines of institutional life. The film depicted the drama of group therapy, and the power dynamic between staff and patients.</p> <p>Not everyone who was institutionalised reacted the same way to being in hospital.</p> <p>Kaysen wrote "For many of us, the hospital was as much a refuge as it was a prison. Though we were cut off from the world and all the trouble we enjoyed stirring up out there, we were also cut off from the demands and expectations that had driven us crazy."</p> <p>A recent collaborative history of institutional care by Australian poet <a href="https://theconversation.com/secrecy-psychosis-and-difficult-change-these-lived-experiences-of-mental-illness-will-inspire-a-kaleidoscope-of-emotions-191011">Sandy Jeffs</a> and social worker Margaret Leggatt, <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/am/podcast/out-of-the-madhouse-with-sandy-jeffs/id992762253?i=1000501765764">Out of the Madhouse</a>, challenges the idea of the institution as a place of alienation. Jeffs found community and solace at Larundel Hospital in Melbourne in the late 1970s and 1980s. However, the book also acknowledges this is not a universal response for institutionalised people.</p> <p>Like Kaysen, people with lived experiences of mental illness and hospitalisation have found it therapeutic to write about their personal challenges. For some, it provides an opportunity to embrace the “mad” identity, to find empathy for others. And to create a new self out of the chaos of mental breakdown.</p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/girl-interrupted-interrogates-how-women-are-mad-when-they-refuse-to-conform-30-years-on-this-memoir-is-still-important-199211" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Books

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“Divorce him!” Man refuses to pay for wife’s epidural

<p dir="ltr">A man has outraged the internet after refusing to pay for half his wife’s medical bills from the birth of their child, after she had an epidural which he considers a “luxury”. </p> <p dir="ltr">The new mum took to Reddit to ask if she was being unreasonable for wanting to split the $8,000 bill with her partner of over a decade. </p> <p dir="ltr">The anonymous woman explained that everything was going well after giving birth until the hospital bills arrived. </p> <p dir="ltr">She explained that she originally planned for an unmedicated birth, but after a gruelling 24-hour labour, decided to get the epidural. </p> <p dir="ltr">Her husband was seemingly supportive of her decision at the time, but when the bills arrived, refused to foot half the bill for her pain relief. </p> <p dir="ltr">She wrote, “When the bill came, he brought it to me to pay all $8,000, after insurance from my personal savings.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I asked why, and he said, ‘You’re the one that couldn’t hold on for a few more hours and jacked up the bill with all your meds and an extra night’s stay,’ and he shouldn’t have to pay for all extra requests.”</p> <p dir="ltr">She explained that he said that if she wanted “luxury” she should be the one paying for it. </p> <p dir="ltr">The “luxury” that he is referring to include a lactation consultant, blood tests, postpartum supplies and an epidural, so not exactly anything fun. </p> <p dir="ltr">She went on to explain that they had argued about halving the costs, to which he called her a “princess” for expecting him to pony up the cash. </p> <p dir="ltr">She added that she ultimately paid the birth bill but is now questioning her entire marriage.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I feel disrespected. Do I have the right to feel this way, or is it just the hormones?” she wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">Outraged commenters were quick to tear the man to shreds, urging the woman to leave her man as quickly as possible. </p> <p dir="ltr">One person wrote, “He should have paid the whole bill! She’s already paid with her body.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Another said, “Divorce his a**!” while another said, “I'd be absolutely DONE if my husband pulled this shit. His kid too, his cost too.”</p> <p dir="ltr">One person put it simply, “Holy s**t. Throw the whole man out.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Caring

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Parents leave baby at airport counter after refusing to buy extra ticket

<p>A couple were checking in for a flight from Ben Gurion International Airport to Brussels, Belgium on Tuesday when they made the decision to leave their baby behind. </p> <p>Upon their arrival at the airport check-in desk in Tel Aviv, Israel, it was revealed that the baby did not have a ticket. Rather than address the situation and ensure their child’s safe travel, the pair opted to proceed to security without their stroller and its young occupant. </p> <p>The airline they were flying with, Ryanair, state on their website that "infants can be included in a flight reservation during the online booking process." </p> <p>Following their process for booking with an infant, a message will pop-up to let travellers know there is a €25 charge (approximately $39) for each one-way flight the baby participates in from an adult’s lap. If the adults want the baby to travel in a seat of its own with the proper equipment, a seat must be paid for. </p> <p>The parents, apparently, had not made such arrangements for their baby. The matter was referred to officials, as confirmed by a Ryanair spokeswoman.</p> <p>"These passengers travelling from Tel Aviv to Brussels presented at check-in without a booking for their infant,” she told <em>CNN</em>, “they then proceeded to security leaving the infant behind at check-in.</p> <p>"The check-in agent at Ben Gurion Airport contacted Airport Security, who retrieved these passengers, and this is now a matter for local police."</p> <p>Reports of the situation were confirmed by the Israeli Airport Authority, who provided a statement to <em>CNN </em>and offered some more information into what went on. </p> <p>"A couple and an infant with Belgian passports arrived for a flight at Terminal 1 without a ticket for the baby,” it read. </p> <p>“The couple also arrived late for the flight, once the check-in for the flight was closed. The couple left the infant seat with the baby and ran toward the security checks at Terminal 1 in an attempt to reach the boarding gate for the flight."</p> <p>A video allegedly from the airport at the time, staff can be heard expressing their sadness for the child. Another woman exclaims, “she left him there, I swear!”</p> <p>Ryanair staff also voiced their shock over the incident, telling <em>N12</em>, “we’re never seen anything like it.” </p> <p>Despite reports that the parents were detained, an Israel Police spokesman told <em>CNN </em>that the matter appeared to have been resolved by the time law enforcement arrived on the scene, stating that "the baby was with the parents and there's no further investigation."</p> <p><em>Images: Getty </em></p>

Travel Trouble

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"Please believe me": Roger Federer refused entry into Wimbledon

<p>After being refused entry to Wimbledon, Roger Federer has been forced to boast about his tennis achievements to a security guard. </p> <p>Speaking with Trevor Noah on <em>The Daily Show</em>, the tennis champion shared the details of the incident that happened in November, where he was refused entry into the prestigious All England Lawn Tennis Club. </p> <p>Despite winning the major tournament a whopping eight times throughout his glittering career, the 20-time Grand Slam winner says he was initially turned away at the entrance gate.</p> <p>“I drive up to the gate where usually guests would come in. So I get out, and I tell my coach who was with me, ‘I’ll quickly go out and speak to the security lady. I got this,’” he recalls.</p> <p>“So then I get out and I’m like, ‘Hello I was wondering how I could get into Wimbledon?’ She asked if I had a membership card. When you win Wimbledon, you become a member automatically. And honestly I don’t know about membership cards, they are probably at home somewhere and I’ve just been travelling so I had no idea.”</p> <p>“I told her, ‘No I don’t have my membership card, but I am a member. I’m just wondering where I can get in,’” he told the guard, however his plea fell on deaf ears.</p> <p>“I’m like, ‘No, I am a member and normally when I’m here, I’m playing. And now it’s the first time the tournament is not on and I’m here.’"</p> <p>“I look at her in a panic one last time, and say, ‘I’m so sorry but I have won this tournament eight times, please, believe me, I am a member,’” he added.</p> <p>After an unsuccessful attempt at gaining access to the club, Federer decided to try another gate on the opposite side, where he was instantly recognised by another guard.</p> <p>He told the host, “The security guard standing there says, ‘Oh my god, Mr. Federer what are you doing here? Do you have your membership card? I said I don’t, but the security guard let me in and organised it all.”</p> <p>The tennis legend said after he finally gained access, he ended up having tea with the Wimbledon chairman for an hour.</p> <p>“And I thought of going over to the other side and giving the other security guard a wave, but I didn’t do it,” he said.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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“I am not a villain”: Woman refuses to switch plane seats for a family

<p dir="ltr">A woman from the US has defended her decision to not move from her first class plane seat so a family could sit together. </p> <p dir="ltr">In a series of now-viral videos, Maresa Friedman detailed her awkward experience on a recent Delta airlines flight, in which she was asked to move to a different seat. </p> <p dir="ltr">Maresa said a family of three wanted her to move from her allocated seat so they could all sit closer together. </p> <p dir="ltr">After specifically booking her chosen seat in first class, Maresa politely declined their request. </p> <p dir="ltr">"I am not a villain for not moving from the seat in first class I paid full fare for," Friedman, a mother-of-two, captured her clip on TikTok. "I am also a mum so it's called PLANNING AHEAD."</p> <p dir="ltr">In a series of follow up videos, the frequent traveller said it wasn’t fair to be expected to move just so the family could sit together, especially when they hadn’t planned their seats ahead of time. </p> <p dir="ltr">She also suggested the family should’ve moved to economy class if they all wanted to sit in the same row. </p> <p dir="ltr">"If the airline bumps you or moves you or whatever, totally fair, so the suggestion I gave was basically like, ‘Oh if all of you want to sit in together, in a row, since first class is two seats and two seats, I'm sure you could ask the people behind you, I think they would be super pumped to sit [in first class] so that the three of you could be together'," Friedman said.</p> <p dir="ltr">"To which, of course, I just got 'the look'. The flight attendant just looked at me like… 'That was a good suggestion'."</p> <p dir="ltr">Friedman said the family shot her "side eyes" and "death stares" for the duration of the flight because of her refusal to move.</p> <p dir="ltr">"It didn't stop this mom from [giving me] side eye, I was getting looked at, she was talking about me," she added.</p> <p dir="ltr">"If you book with the airline, because this has happened to us as a family of four who travels together, they will group your reservation together. So, the only time that you might be separated is if you miss a flight or a connection."</p> <p dir="ltr">She then offered a piece of advice to fellow travellers who insist on asking people to switch seats: purchase travel insurance.</p> <p dir="ltr">"Things like travel insurance will not only prevent problems like this, you can actually use travel insurance to file claims to get many back or rebook on another carrier," she added. "So again, all preventable."</p> <p dir="ltr">After sharing her series of videos, Maresa was flooded with comments from people who claimed she was being unfair, to which she doubled down on her position by claiming it’s not her responsibility to “accommodate '' other travellers. </p> <p dir="ltr">"Before you come for me, I have two kids, so I have been there, even in the early stages and I would buy my baby a seat next to me, but when you book with the airlines, you have to tell them to book your reservations together and that you're travelling with a minor," she continued.</p> <p dir="ltr">Friedman added, "And by the way, the few times that I did switch seats in my lifetime, it was horrific, never again."</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: TikTok</em></p>

Travel Tips

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Novak Djokovic refused entry to America ahead of the US Open

<p>Novak Djokovic has confirmed he won't be competing in the US Open after he has been refused entry to America over his vaccination status. </p> <p>The Serbian tennis champ announced the news on Twitter, and wished his fellow players luck in the competition.</p> <p>"Sadly, I will not be able to travel to NY this time for US Open,' Djokovic tweeted Thursday ahead of the US Open draw. </p> <p>"Thank you #NoleFam for your messages of love and support. Good luck to my fellow players! I'll keep in good shape and positive spirit and wait for an opportunity to compete again. See you soon tennis world!"</p> <p>The three-time US Open winner had hoped to enter the tournament, provided the US government changed its policy for unvaccinated visitors. </p> <p>The US Tennis Association previously said it would adhere to such a change by allowing Djokovic to play if he were permitted in the US. </p> <p>After beating Nick Kyrgios in the Wimbledon final on July 10, Djokovic said he "would love" to participate in the last Grand Slam tournament of the year at Flushing Meadows, but he also acknowledged, "I'm not planning to get vaccinated."</p> <p>Djokovic had been updating his followers on social media as he attempted to gain entry to the US, but his hopes were dashed ahead of the draw.</p> <p>Officials did stress that he will be welcome to play at the US Open in 2023. </p> <p>"Novak is a great champion and it is very unfortunate that he will be unable to compete at the 2022 US Open, as he is unable to enter the country due to the federal government's vaccination policy for non-US citizens," tournament director Stacey Allaster said in a statement. </p> <p>"We look forward to welcoming Novak back at the 2023 US Open."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Why The Queen refused official photos with baby Lilibet

<p>The Queen met Harry and Meghan’s baby daughter Lilibet for the first time when the couple visited the UK for Platinum Jubilee celebrations.</p> <p>However, if royal watchers were hoping an adorable official photo of the occasion would be released, they were sorely disappointed.</p> <p>The Queen met the one-year-old at Windsor Castle the day before the Trooping the Colour event, but did not allow photographers to be present.</p> <p>Speculation mounted that the 96-year-old monarch did not want photographs of herself in a frail state to be “leaked” to the media, although others thought the Queen did not want to see “unauthorised” images of the meeting popping up on US television networks.</p> <p>It appears the truth might be as simple as Queen Elizabeth suffering from an eye complaint and had a significantly bloodshot eye on the day she met her granddaughter for the first time.</p> <p>Buckingham Palace is keen to carefully control how Queen Elizabeth appears to the public as rumours swirl about her health and apparent frailty.</p> <p>It’s understood Prince Harry wanted to bring his own photographer to capture the occasion, but the Queen said no.</p> <p>Harry is reportedly still keen to get an official picture of the pair together.</p> <p>“The Duke is thought to have expressed a desire to get an official photograph of the two Lilibets together at some point in the future,” royal commentator Camilla Tominey shared.</p> <p>Lilibet was Queen Elizabeth’s childhood nickname.</p> <p>In lieu of a photograph with the Queen being made public, the Sussexes released an adorable official portrait of Lilibet for her first birthday.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty </em></p>

Family & Pets

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Furore erupts after RSL member refuses to allow Indigenous flag at ANZAC service

<p dir="ltr">A NSW woman had the police called on her after she attempted to drape an Indigenous flag honouring First Nations diggers at her local war memorial service in Lismore.</p> <p dir="ltr">Cindy Roberts tried to display her flag beneath the Australian flag before the service began, but a local RSL member allegedly stopped her twice and called the police, according to the <em><a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10753649/Anzac-Day-2022-fury-memorial-service-hit-row-Indigenous-flag.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Daily Mail</a></em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">The incident has sparked outrage among those in attendance and online, with former Lismore mayor Jenny Dowell describing it as a “huge overreaction”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It wasn’t a huge protest in any way and was absolutely done respectfully,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It was embarrassing and awkward and it should have just been allowed to pass without the fuss from the RSL member.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Roberts, whose daughter, grandparents and uncles have served in Australia’s armed forces, had taken part in the dawn service and the march to Lismore Memorial Baths for the ceremony.</p> <p dir="ltr">When she arrived, the only flag flying was the Australian flag, despite other venues displaying the Aboriginal, Australian, and Torres Strait Islander flags side by side.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I just wanted to remember my ancestors that had fought in every single war, including the frontier war,” she told <em>Daily Mail Australia</em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">“So I stood and I felt a spirit in my heart tell me to just lay the flag out. I didn’t put it on the flagpole, I just placed it on the ground underneath the Australian flag.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Then I was approached by a member from the RSL and asked to remove the flag.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I said, ‘But my grandfathers and my uncles and my ancestors fought in the wars of this country’. He said, ‘This is not the time or the place’.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“I thought, ‘Well, when is the time to bring unity?’”</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Roberts said she then picked the flag up and went to the spot where the wreaths were laid, where she was confronted again.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Then (the RSL member) approached me again and told me to remove the flag again and with the police this time,” she continued.</p> <p dir="ltr">“When this happened, I cried. I broke down and everyone saw me but I still stood there in the crowd behind the children with the Aboriginal flag.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Robert’s daughter Skye, who served as a ship technician in the Australian Navy for five years, was with her mother when the incident occurred.</p> <p dir="ltr">Celebrated Indigenous soldier Clarrie Combo, who fought for Australia in Egypt, Libya, Crete, Syria, Greece, Sri Lanka and New Guinea during WWII, was one of Ms Roberts’ great uncles.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Our people have been through so much and I’m tired of them not being acknowledged,” Ms Roberts said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“First Nations people who fought in these wars deserve more respect because they put their lives on the line.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Dowell said she tried to reason with the RSL member and that she couldn’t understand why they were treating Ms Roberts.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I saw the reaction from a member of the RSL who was saying repeatedly, it’s not appropriate, it’s not appropriate,” she told the publication.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I didn’t quite know what was not appropriate. I thought it was very disappointing - and not one speaker in the whole ceremony even acknowledged country.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I thought that was poor. The situation could have easily have escalated if Cindy had chosen to do so but she didn’t and many there may not have even noticed.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I thought she was very respectful and hopefully we can all learn from this incident - and that it doesn’t happen again.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The incident caused intense debate in the town’s Facebook group, with many supporting Ms Roberts.</p> <p dir="ltr">“To the beautiful Indigenous woman advocating to raise the Indigenous flag today at the service following the march, I am beyond apologetic for the utter disrespect you were shown,” one local wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">Others insisted that the Australian flag should cover everyone since soldiers all fought under it in wartime.</p> <p dir="ltr">“They fought under the Australian flag. We are all Australians,” one person said.</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-596180ea-7fff-cebf-ca7d-1e543ffdf614"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Daily Mail</em></p>

Caring

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Woman who refuses seat swap called out

<p dir="ltr">A woman and her partner who refused to swap seats on a flight so a mother could sit next to her child have sparked a debate. </p> <p dir="ltr">Taking to Reddit, the woman asked whether she was being unreasonable for not changing seats after specifically paying for the window and middle seat. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I had the window and he had the middle. A lady sat on the end and her daughter was in front,” she wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“She asked if they could have our two seats and we have hers/daughters or my boyfriend would switch with her daughter.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I politely said no which she wasn’t happy about.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We got asked ‘What difference does it make? You're adults, my daughter is scared of flying and is a minor’.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Anyway, we didn’t move. Was I in the wrong? Surely if she was that bothered she could have paid like us.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The Reddit community sided with the woman and called out the mother for not paying for her daughter’s seat.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I have a child who is scared of flying and so I would have paid to ensure that I had the seats I needed,” one person wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“She wasn’t being unreasonable to ask. You weren’t being unreasonable to refuse. She was unreasonable to be grumpy about it,” another wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Not unreasonable to ask but unreasonable to try and guilt you about it. Mother of the century,” someone else commented.</p> <p dir="ltr">“No chance I would move, I am terrified of flying and am really picky about my seats,” another comment read.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Uber driver slammed for refusing guide dog

<p>An Uber driver in South Australia is being slammed for refusing to let a vision impaired woman bring her guide dog in the car.</p> <p>Born with low vision, Ellen Fraser-Barbour relies on her guide dog Inca for safety and sight.</p> <p>But on Wednesday when she was trying to catch an Uber home, Ms Fraser-Barbour says she was told Inca was an unwelcome passenger.</p> <p>She was able to capture footage of the exchange between herself and the Uber driver.</p> <p>"This is an assistance dog, a guide dog," Ms Fraser-Barbour can be heard telling the driver.</p> <p>"No. No. No. I can't do it. Sorry," he replied.</p> <p>"It's an assistance dog, you can't refuse by law," Ms Fraser-Barbour added.</p> <p>But the driver still refused, claiming he was not obliged to accept the ride, leaving Ms Fraser-Barbour on the curb.</p> <p>She says the experience is one that is common for people with a disability.</p> <p>"I have a lot of blind friends and they all tell me about distressing experiences that they've had of being left on the curb. It's a really rampant issue," Ms Fraser-Barbour said.</p> <p>Since the incident she has made a report to Uber and received an apology. Ms Fraser-Barbour says it should never have happened in the first place and is now calling for stricter penalties.</p> <p>"For example being able to fine drivers if they refuse," Ms Fraser-Barbour said.</p> <p>In a statement Uber said a first offence will see a driver's account temporarily deactivated while they receive further education.</p> <p>A second strike could see them permanently banned from the platform.</p> <p>"Taking someone off the platform temporarily doesn't say zero tolerance approach. That says we'll give you another chance," Ms Fraser-Barbour said.</p> <p><em>Image: Nine News</em></p>

Family & Pets

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New mum “refused food” over controversial breastfeeding rule

<p dir="ltr">A new mother of twins was left reeling after not being offered lunch while her child was sick in hospital.</p> <p dir="ltr">The 37-year-old woman gave birth to her children who had jaundice and was required to express more breast milk.</p> <p dir="ltr">No matter how hard she tried, the Sydney mother just could not express enough milk for her newborns.</p> <p dir="ltr">And with twins she knew it was “going to be hell” so she opted for formula to ensure her children were satisfied.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I wanted to breastfeed so much…I even tried to express and there was nothing. I just couldn’t and I thought ‘I can’t keep doing this – it’s going to be hell with twins’,” she told <a href="https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/i-was-refused-food-in-hospital-for-24hrs-because-i-didnt-breastfeed-my-newborn/news-story/224a952a530509c7712aff572b856bc2" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Kidspot</a>.</p> <p dir="ltr">Three months later on February 12, the mother was overwhelmed when one of her twins’ temperature soared to 40C from a UTI infection.</p> <p dir="ltr">The mother rushed her baby to Campbelltown Hospital where she was then admitted to the paediatric ward.</p> <p dir="ltr">After conducting a series of tests, the worried mother waited anxiously for her results in the same room with another mother who was breastfeeding.</p> <p dir="ltr">It was then she noticed that the other woman was given food off the trolley and she was completely ignored.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I saw the food trolley go right past our bed and up and down the hallway, and it never stopped for me, so I thought to myself, ‘What’s going on?’ Why is she not asking me? Does she not know I’m here?’”</p> <p dir="ltr">Not wanting to cause a problem, the mother opted for some muesli bars she had in her handbag and eventually fell asleep.</p> <p dir="ltr">The next morning, the mother missed breakfast after sleeping in and decided it was time to say something after not being given lunch, dinner and breakfast.</p> <p dir="ltr">She approached the front desk and questioned why she was not offered food in the 24 hours she was admitted into hospital.</p> <p dir="ltr">The mother claims the nurse was embarrassed after saying it was because she was not breastfeeding.</p> <p dir="ltr">“They only give food if you’re breastfeeding. That’s the rule,” the nurse said.</p> <p dir="ltr">The nurse eventually came back and apologised and gave her a sandwich, but it was then she realised her child was admitted under private health.</p> <p dir="ltr">The mother once again confronted the nurse who said it was an “old rule” and nothing could be done to change it.</p> <p dir="ltr">Eventually, her husband arrived to look after their daughter while she went back home to care for the son. He was also not offered any dinner.</p> <p dir="ltr">He was given a sandwich and some crackers.</p> <p dir="ltr">The mother said she felt “shamed” for her decision to opt for formula as she was already struggling with the twins.</p> <p dir="ltr">She insists that if in the near future they needed a hospital that the family would not go to Campbelltown Hospital.</p> <p dir="ltr">The hospital issued a statement following the incident insisting that all parents are offered food during their stay.</p> <p dir="ltr">“The hospital offers sandwiches to all parents during lunch and dinner periods. Sandwiches are also stored in the unit’s refrigerator for use between or after meal times.”</p> <p><em>Image: Instagram</em></p>

Caring

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Aunt "refuses" to take on kids when her terminally ill sister dies

<p>A woman has "refused" to take on her terminally ill sister's children when she passes away, despite her sister begging her to, and her decision has gone viral. </p> <p>In a lengthy post to Reddit, the woman revealed that her older sister, 31, has recently been diagnosed with a large brain tumour that will drastically shorten her life. </p> <p>The woman's sister has a six-year-old, a two-year-old and a newborn baby, who she claims she doesn't have anyone other than her sister to leave them to. </p> <p>Her sister asked her to be the sole carer of her children, despite her and her husband, both 25, deciding to remain child-free. </p> <p>"We don't have family, and her ex-husband wants nothing to do with the kids since she cheated on him for years with many men and they aren't his. She doesn't know who the dad is," the woman explains.</p> <p>The woman then goes on to list the many reasons why she told her sister "no".</p> <p>"1. Since we are both child-free it would be unfair to ask my husband to make this kind of sacrifice. We both agreed to no kids when we got married; to change something like that generally means a divorce."</p> <p>"2. I am an atheist. My sister wants me to raise them religiously and to 'know god' and take them to church. No."</p> <p>She goes on to say that she was never very close with her sister, due to their six-year age difference, and that the memories she has of their childhood aren't so sweet.</p> <p>"[From] the memories I do have, she was always awful to me, [and] cynical...After she moved out at 18 we haven't talked once, besides at my parents funeral. I don't even know her kids, let alone her," she writes.</p> <p>Unsurprisingly, her terminally ill sister did not take her refusal well. </p> <p>"She cried and called me 'awful' but it's my life, and ultimately I get to be selfish with it..."</p> <p>"A child isn't an 18-year commitment; it's lifelong, and one I have decided not to take."</p> <p>The woman explains that since she told her sister "no", she has been bombarded with vicious messages from her sister's friends. </p> <p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 16px 0px 20px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-family: 'Proxima Nova', system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Fira Sans', 'Droid Sans', 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28px; vertical-align: baseline; caret-color: #333333; color: #333333;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;">"Friends of hers whom I've never met have been reaching out to me and calling me at all hours to leave nasty voice mails.</span></p> <p>"[They say] I need to step up as a sister, but I just feel like she's trying to use me as her ticket out to dying and not feeling guilty," she wrote.</p> <p>The post has since gone viral on the social media website, with most commenters siding with the woman. </p> <p>One person said, "I've worked with kids for the past 20+ years and I can tell you that one of the worst things for a kid is to be with a parent who can't/doesn't want to be a parent."</p> <p>Another commented, "If you don't know these children at all, I don't see why your sister would want you to be their guardian. How could they possibly be comfortable with you after the loss of their mother? These so-called friends of hers would be better suited if they have an established relationship with the children."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Holidaying family refuse to return found cat

<p>A family on holiday has taken a cat from the property they were renting and written a letter to the town's sheriff to explain why they won't be giving it back. </p><p>James Wakefield, 70, alleged that the seemingly neglected cat at his Airbnb named Nubbins was not owned by anyone and it seemed fair for the cat to be taken home and cared for, according to the letter sent to the Sonoma County Sheriff's Office in Santa Rosa, California.</p><p>In the three-page letter sent by Mr Wakefield, he explained that he took the cat because no one was taking care of her when he arrived at the property, and that she was hungry, thirsty and cold. </p><p>When the Sonoma County Sheriff Mark Essick informed Mr Wakefield that Nubbins needed to be returned to its legal owner, Mr Wakefield said the family was “never going to let that cat get put back in the living condition she was in without a fight.”</p><p>The cat's legal owner, Troy Farrell, has responded to Mr Wakefield's accusations of neglect by sharing a series of photos and videos where he's cared for Nubbins inside his home over the last four years, despite claiming she is an outside cat. </p><p>“She has so many people who take care of her,” Mr Farrell told a <a href="https://www.sonomanews.com/article/news/alleged-cat-thief-writes-letter-to-sonoma-sheriff/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">local news outlet</a>. </p><p>“She doesn’t want to be an indoor cat. She doesn’t want to be stuck in a house. She just likes to be out and about doing her thing because that’s how she came out.”</p><p>When Mr Wakefield asked the Airbnb homeowner about the feline, he was told that she was a stray cat in the neighbourhood who wasn’t allowed in any of the neighbour’s houses even in the freezing weather.</p><p>When Nubbins became smitten with the Wakefields, the owner was reportedly enthusiastic about Mr Wakefield taking the cat home, saying it would be “awesome if someone adopted her and gave her a good home”. </p><p>The Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office became involved, prompting Mr Wakefield’s <a title="srp-prod-public-pdfs.s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com" href="https://srp-prod-public-pdfs.s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/c1zJslmOTMUpTomzRJPCzinIZio.pdf">letter of retaliation</a> wherein he details how frustrating this dispute of Nubbin’s ownership has been.</p><p>“The cat either dies for lack of medical care or the cat is returned to a neighbourhood that doesn’t care enough about her to protect her from predators or get her out of the freezing windy rain she finds herself in each winter,” Wakefield wrote.</p><p>“And you can be assured that your 70-year-old cat nappers will do everything in our ability to protect her.”</p><p>It’s unclear if either party will take legal action for the “catnapping”.</p><p><em>Image credits: Getty Images / Youtube</em></p>

Family & Pets

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“Totally shocked” woman refused home loan due to maternity leave plans

<p dir="ltr">A New Zealand woman<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/new-lending-rules-mum-shocked-by-90-day-maternity-leave-mortgage-condition/R3N4QF37MLMV44LUOPGV2VC6JA/" target="_blank">has been told</a><span> </span>by ANZ that she would only be considered for a mortgage if she returned to work within 90 days of giving birth.</p> <p dir="ltr">The woman is one of several people who spoke to the<span> </span><em>Otago Daily Times</em><span> </span>following the introduction of changes to New Zealand’s Credit Contracts and Consumer Finance Act (CCCFA).</p> <p dir="ltr">Changes to the act were intended to protect borrowers from loan sharks, but have prompted banks to vet mortgage applicants’ spending habits and personal finances more closely instead.</p> <p dir="ltr">The woman, who the publication agreed not to name, said she felt “totally shocked and completely discriminated against” by ANZ, after she was informed through her mortgage broker that the bank had changed its policy on maternity leave for borrowers.</p> <p dir="ltr">An ANZ spokeswoman acknowledged that the bank was enforcing stricter rules for customers taking more than 90 days of maternity leave as a result of changes to the CCCFA.</p> <p dir="ltr">She said there had been no change to the bank’s policy.</p> <p dir="ltr">However the woman, who was in the later stages of pregnancy when she and her partner attempted to refinance their home, found that her plans for maternity leave affected their chances of securing their loan.</p> <p dir="ltr">After a family member who had helped the couple finance their home to start with passed away, the couple were looking to get a mortgage through a bank with the help of a mortgage broker.</p> <p dir="ltr">The woman planned to take 12 months off of work from early December, including nine months of paid leave - three by her employer and six by the government’s paid parental leave scheme.</p> <p dir="ltr">She said she wanted to take a full year of leave after taking just seven months off following the birth of her last child, giving her more time to spend with the newborn.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s a really special time and I wanted to be there for it,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">When they applied for a mortgage through ANZ, they received a series of questions about their financial situation, as well as questions about her plans to return to work.</p> <p dir="ltr">Though she expected questions about their finances, “which I totally understood”, the woman said asking about her plans after her maternity leave was “deeply personal”.</p> <p dir="ltr">“The decisions I choose to make after that time should be mine and not dependent on the bank,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">On January 7, the mortgage broker forwarded an email from ANZ saying the bank had changed its maternity leave policy - now refusing to give mortgages to customers who took more than three months off work.</p> <p dir="ltr">The woman said she believed the couple could still afford the mortgage whether she was working or not.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I mean, we knew we could afford it - and if we didn’t, we wouldn’t have applied,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">Though she was confident she would return to work, she didn’t believe the bank had the right to tell new mothers when they go back.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s completely discriminatory and just not needed,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">The couple, who now have a three-week-old baby, are now looking to other banks for a loan.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Real Estate

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The one jumping castle question police refuse to answer

<p>As the devastating news of the tragedy in a Tasmanian primary school has sent shockwaves through the country, many people are demanding answers on how such an incident could occur. </p> <p>When a jumping castle was swept 10 metres into the air from the ground of Hillcrest Primary School in Devonport, many children were hospitalised and six children lost their lives. </p> <p>The members of the school community were holding a "Big Day In" to celebrate the end of the 2021 school year, when the the jumping castle and inflatable Zorb balls were picked up by strong winds. </p> <p><span> Tasmania Police Commissioner Darren Hine and Premier Peter Gutwein fronted the media on Friday, saying the tragedy was "beyond comprehension".</span></p> <p><span>“What should have been a celebration for the end of the school year turned into an unfortunate tragedy for our young children at Hillcrest Primary.”</span></p> <p><span>While sharing their condolences to the family impacted by the tragedy, the Police Commissioner refused to answer one critical question about the events leading up to the incident. </span></p> <p><span>He was asked several times by multiple journalists if the jumping castle was tied to the ground before it became airborne. </span></p> <p>“Was the jumping castle tethered at all?” one journalist asked, with Commissioner Hine simply replying, “That forms part of the investigation”.</p> <p>“It is fair to say that those injured were inside the castle. We need to piece the movements of the individuals together so we can present a full picture to the coroner,” he added.</p> <p>“What was the connection with the zorb balls, were they inside the castle or outside?” another reporter asked, with Mr Hine again insisting “That will form part of the investigation”.</p> <p>“But my understanding is that the zorb balls were outside. But it will form part of the investigation,” he said, before being asked by yet another journalist whether all the victims were inside the castle at the same time.</p> <p>“Again, that forms part of the investigation,” he said.</p> <p>Despite not being able to share any specific details that are "a matter for the coroner", the Police Commissioner did confirm that three boys and two girls had died in the tragedy. </p> <p><span>With permission from their families, police have released the names of all six students: Addison Stewart, 11, Zane Mellor, 12, Jye Sheehan, 12, Jalailah Jayne-Maree Jones, 12, Peter Dodt, 12, and Chace Harrison, 11.</span></p> <p>“There is no doubt this incident will leave its mark and I know people are sending their thoughts and prayers from right across the country and even further afield," he said.</p> <p>“We will be doing everything we can to support the community through this tragedy. Police are liaising closely with the families of the children involved.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: YouTube / ABC News</em></p>

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