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Readers response: What do you regret not appreciating more when you were younger?

<p>When it comes to ageing, we often learn to appreciate things that we often dismissed when we were younger. </p> <p>We asked our readers what they have only truly started to appreciate with age, and the response was overwhelming. Here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Ross Forbes</strong> - Being brought up on a farm in a family environment where I was taught excellent work ethics and the value of community.</p> <p><strong>Alice McMurdo</strong> - The beauty of the scenery in Scotland and not taking the opportunity to see more of the beautiful countryside when I had the chance. </p> <p><strong>Pat Isaacs</strong> - My health and energy.</p> <p><strong>Esther Miller</strong> - Not having to pay bills. I now understand why my daddy was always telling us cut off the light, shut the door, stop wasting food, do not pour more milk than you are going to drink. I remember him saying "wait till you have to pay for it yourselves". Lesson learned.</p> <p><strong>Marie Chong</strong> - My parents. </p> <p><strong>Rosalie Jones</strong> - Movement without pain. </p> <p><strong>Michelle Nightingale</strong> - My family. </p> <p><strong>Sally O'Neill</strong> - Being happy and free, not having any responsibilities to worry about.</p> <p><strong>Chris Gray</strong> - My mum. If only I had known what I now know.</p> <p><strong>Margie Buckingham</strong> - My ability to always be employed and buy my first house at 21. Also, my upbringing and great start my parents gave me by ensuring I went to a good school and studied hard.</p> <p><strong>Kerri Anderson</strong> - Being younger. </p> <p><strong>Linda Kauffman</strong> - My mother. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock </em></p>

Family & Pets

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90-year-old grandma's secrets, regrets and brutal "advice"

<p>An amazingly sprightly 90-year-old grandmother has appeared on TikTok to share her deepest regrets in life, leaving viewers both amused and contemplative with her surprising take on being a nonagenarian.</p> <p>The video, which has garnered a whopping 70,000 views, features the wise words of wisdom from a woman who has seen it all, or at least enough to make her wish she hadn't seen quite so much.</p> <p>The nanna, who spilled the beans to her inquisitive granddaughter <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@racheljdillon?lang=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Rachel Dillon</a> – an online fitness coach –  began by revealing what she wishes she did less of in her life.</p> <p>"Probably less of nothing," she admits. "I mean I never worked after I was married or anything like that. I wish I had probably done more mixing with people with that. More socialising." </p> <p>It's then that the truth bombs really start to drop. When Rachel asks, "Do you have any regrets", a cloud of laughter fills the room, before the answer comes.</p> <p>"Yes, I do regret marrying too young," she says emphatically. "I met my husband when I was 13 and he was 15. We got married at 17 and 19. I met him at the library. He used to ride me up on the bicycle when I was going to the library."</p> <p>Then, when asked about the secret to turning 90, Rachel's grandma confesses not only that there isn't one, but that she regrets having made it this far at all.</p> <p>"I didn't really want to get to 90," she declares with the nonchalance of someone choosing between tea and coffee. "I've had enough. I've had all I wanted out of the world. I am quite happy to go and meet my little puppy dog waiting there for me."</p> <p><span style="font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif;">When asked about her secret to looking so young, Rachel's grandma almost brushes the question aside, laying the blame simply in the quality of her genes for having "always been a fox", according to Rachel.</span></p> <p>The final question, and the final brutally honest response – which may have made Rachel regret asking about regrets – was simply: "Do you have any advice for us?"</p> <p>"Oh God no," comes the world-weary answer. "Not the way the world's going. No, I'm just glad I'll be gone. I don't want to be part of anything that I can see going on."      </p> <p>TikTok users were quick to commend the grandmother, not just for her unexpected revelations but also for her timeless beauty. "She looks absolutely amazing," gushed one admirer, proving that age is just a number – albeit one that sometimes takes us by surprise.</p> <p>In the end, this nonagenarian nanna has become an unexpected sensation, leaving us all to ponder life's mysteries, library love stories, and the prospect of meeting puppy dogs in the great beyond.</p> <p>If her story has taught us anything, it's that life is unpredictable, love can blossom in the unlikeliest of places (like a library), and sometimes it's OK to regret that hasty decision to say "I do" before you even knew how to do your taxes.</p> <div class="post_body_wrapper" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 8px 0px 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; caret-color: #323338; color: #323338; font-family: Figtree, Roboto, 'Noto Sans Hebrew', 'Noto Kufi Arabic', 'Noto Sans JP', sans-serif;"> <div class="post-body-container" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="post-body-renderer-component post_body" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: top; position: relative; transition: max-height 0.14s ease 0s; overflow: hidden; color: var(--primary-text-color); max-height: none;"> <div class="post-body-content" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 630px; overflow: auto hidden;"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in" style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 15px 15px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; position: relative; overflow: auto; color: var(--primary-text-color); font-family: var(--font-family); line-height: 1.5; word-break: break-word;"> <div class="embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 600px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7311465610821651720&amp;display_name=tiktok&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40racheljdillon%2Fvideo%2F7311465610821651720&amp;image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign-sg.tiktokcdn.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-alisg-p-0037%2Fo49EYZFdsEDJhfBAiE2gfGE8l3IAR2qBQx14iB%3Fx-expires%3D1702681200%26x-signature%3DL%252FvO6dLXwqFOi09XENAbVmG4tgs%253D&amp;key=5b465a7e134d4f09b4e6901220de11f0&amp;type=text%2Fhtml&amp;schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div> <div> <div> <div> <div><em>Images: TikTok / @racheljdillon</em></div> </div> </div> </div> </div>

Retirement Life

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Goldie Hawn shares biggest Hollywood regret

<p>When Goldie Hawn’s name was read as the winner of the 1970 Best Supporting Actress Oscar, one might have expected the actress to be front and centre to accept the award.</p> <p>But that couldn’t have been further from the truth - the then 25-year-old was instead tucked up in bed, sound asleep ahead of an early call for her upcoming movie <em>There’s a Girl in My Soup</em>. </p> <p>And now, the Hollywood heavyweight has confessed that that may just be the biggest regret of her entire career. </p> <p>It was April 7, 1970, and the budding actress had only a few film credits to her name, as well as a coveted Academy Award nomination for her work in <em>Cactus Flower</em>. </p> <p>The awards ceremony was being held in Los Angeles’ Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, and the nominated actress was an entire ocean away in London, when Fred Astaire took to the stage, opened the life-changing envelope, and read out Goldie’s name. And while 63.1 million Americans tuned in live to witness the moment, Goldie was instead watching the inside of her eyelids. </p> <p>“I never got dressed up, I never got to pick up the award,” Goldie told <em>Variety</em>, “I regret it. It’s something that I look back on now and think ‘it would have been so great to be able to have done that.’ </p> <p>“I forgot it was on TV that night,” she continued. “Then I woke up to a phone call at like four in the morning, and it was a man’s voice and he said ‘hey, congratulations, you got it.’”</p> <p>Goldie went on to explain that she’d asked what the man was talking about, before being informed that she “got the Academy Award for best supporting actress”, and that despite her shock, she was able to thank him, before calling her parents and having a much-needed cry. </p> <p>The actress admitted that part of the problem - her reason for not attending - was that she hadn’t expected to win. <em>Cactus Flower</em> was her first ‘real’ role in a movie, and she was nominated alongside a number of talented, established actresses. The likes of Sylvia Miles, Dyan Cannon, and Susannah York were her ‘competition’. </p> <p>Raqual Welch accepted the award on Goldie’s behalf, and until 2023, Goldie had never watched the moment her name was read from that winner’s envelope. It was Jimmy Kimmel - host of the 2023 ceremony - that encouraged her, while the two were on their way to a mutual friend’s party. </p> <p>“He said ‘did you ever see the part where you’re being announced by Fred Astaire?’” Goldie recalled, “and I said ‘Fred Astaire?!’ He’s my idol.” </p> <p>She then explained that she hadn’t known Fred was the one who announced her as the winner, and that when she finally saw the moment unfold, she found herself overcome with emotion. </p> <p>Goldie’s honesty and genuine attitude towards her life and career have followed her from that fateful moment on, a lesson that she told <em>Variety</em> had first been passed down from her father. </p> <p>“You’ve got to work for a living, stay compassionate, and stay realistic,” she said, “and I’m passing that on because that was what my father taught me: stay in reality, don’t get taken away with everything.”</p> <p>And Goldie’s reality may just see her make an anticipated return to the silver screen, with the actress noting that she’d take a step out of retirement for the right role - perhaps something that let her have fun with a “wild, crazy character” or even a sequel to one of her existing films, maybe even another film with her beloved long-term partner, Kurt Russell.</p> <p>“We all have dreams,” she concluded, “but it’s how we fulfil them.”</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Movies

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"A tunnel of grief": King Charles' biggest regret from Princess Diana's funeral

<p>A royal biographer has revealed the one regret King Charles has from Princess Diana's funeral. </p> <p>According to author Christopher Andersen, the monarch "deeply regrets" making his sons, Prince William and Prince Harry, join the procession behind their mother's coffin. </p> <p>“I think it haunts him because it haunts them, and they’ve spoken about it,” he told <a title="www.usmagazine.com" href="https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/king-charles-regrets-william-harry-procession-at-dianas-funeral/">Us Weekly</a>. “I’ve written that I believe it’s a form of PTSD.”</p> <p>The writer of the new biography, <em>The King: The Life of Charles III</em>, added that while researching the book, he learned that the Prince Harry has found it “triggering” to fly into London at times.</p> <p>“[He said] it reminds him of that day when he had to walk behind the coffin, and they were more or less bullied into doing it by the palace – by the men in grey who really run the palace, the people that Diana used to complain about,” he explained.</p> <p>“[Charles, Earl Spencer], Diana’s brother … has also said that he felt that he was tricked into doing it and regrets it. </p> <p>“He said it was like walking through a tunnel of grief.”</p> <p>At the time of their mother's death, Prince William was 15 and Prince Harry was just 12-years-old. </p> <p>Princess Diana died at age 36 after being chased by paparazzi in Paris, resulting in the fatal car crash in 1997. </p> <p>“I think both William and Harry thought, ‘Who are these strangers who never met her?’” said Andersen. “So, they were angry about what had happened. And Charles, I think, understands that to some extent he was responsible for them having to suffer through [that].”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Family & Pets

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The most common deathbed regret that can change your perspective on life

<p>A healthcare professional has shared the most common life regret she hears from people who are on their deathbed.</p> <p>Camilla Rowland, CEO of Palliative Care Australia, said that "death is the last taboo" in this age of over-sharing online, and is trying to break down that stigma by helping people reevaluate how they go about their day-to-day lives.</p> <p>She told <a href="https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/surprisingly-common-deathbed-regret-that-could-change-how-you-live/news-story/209319c4137122812f0e91e52b38cb6c" target="_blank" rel="noopener">news.com.au</a>, “We’ve become so great at discussing things that used to be taboo, but we’ve lost the ability to talk about death with one another.”</p> <p>After a 30-year career in palliative care, Ms Rowland said there is one regret she hears continuously from people who are at the end of their life.</p> <p>“Without a doubt, the regret I’ve heard time and time again is that people wish they’d spent less time working, and more time with the people they love,” she says.</p> <p>“The other thing people might find surprising is that money doesn’t seem to have any effect on the way you look back at your life at the end."</p> <p>“I once looked after an incredibly wealthy man at the end of his life and he had been one of those really busy guys – working 18 hours a day, achieving great success."</p> <p>“I remember him saying to me: ‘You know what? I would give up all my boats, my houses, everything that I have just to have spent more time with my kids when they were young.’ I heard that time and time again from people."</p> <p>“No matter which walk of life they were from, it was the quality of their relationships that mattered above all else.”</p> <p>While Ms Rowland knows that talking about death and the end of our lives is a morbid, difficult topic, she says it's important to have those discussions with the people closest to us.</p> <p>Having these conversations can help us share our end-of-life wishes with our family and friends, but also help us learn how to truly appreciate life from the people who came before us.</p> <p>“When I think of those common deathbed regrets that pop up repeatedly, it’s a great reminder for us all to live more in the moment, with the people who matter most.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Caring

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Readers respond: Is there anything you regret not asking your parents?

<p dir="ltr">We asked our readers whether there was anything they regretted not asking their parents, and the response was overwhelming.</p> <p dir="ltr">From family histories to stories from their own lives, here’s what you wished you’d asked.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Maureen Collins</strong> - I wish I had of listened to her stories.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Dorathy Helen Dawes</strong> - I regret not asking my father questions about family stories and history while he lived. Thankfully, I did get to ask my mother for her family stories.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Roman Frackiewicz</strong> - My dad's POW experience, the DP camp experiences before emigration, his family, the political environment in pre WWII Poland from his perspective, his life.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Margaret Inglis</strong> - I wish I'd taken more notice of things they had said/told me as I was growing up. I am referring to family history etc. I have copies of birth certificates etc as my father had looked into some genealogy, but this was before the internet. He often spoke about his family background, I also have his diaries from the early '30s, so I have some knowledge.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Yvone Osborn</strong> - So many things - When we're young life tends to get in the way, and then it's too late when we think of things we'd really like to know answers to!</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Jacqueline Evans</strong> - Yes, I lost my Mum earlier this year and everyday, something comes to mind. Along with daily things, I think “Oh I must tell/ask Mum this”.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Margaret Leonard</strong> - Where do I start, it's not till they have gone, that you needed to know that question or thing and it's too late then.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Lyn Miner</strong> - Yes, I would ask my mum everything she could think about her father. I don't think I will ever know who he really was.</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-443bf9f0-7fff-6b63-71d3-39ef9a0ed12d"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Caring

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20 baby names parents regret most

<p>A new survey has revealed the names parents regret giving their offspring the most.</p> <p>The team at <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.gigacalculator.com/randomizers/random-name-picker.php" target="_blank">Gigacalculator.com</a> polled 5,842 parents in the UK about their baby name choices, and found that a staggering 73 per cent reported thinking of better monikers for their children after officially naming them.</p> <p>The top reason for regretting the choice was because they felt the child didn’t suit the name as they got older. Others changed their mind after a friend or a celebrity chose the same name for their child, while 32 per cent of parents lamented after their child got teased for their moniker at school.</p> <p>The most regretted name for boys was Hunter, with 32 per cent of parents having a change of heart. For girls, the name that had parents second guessing the most was Aurora.</p> <p>The survey also shared the names parents avoid the most. Names related to <a rel="noopener" href="https://news.yahoo.com/baby-names-parents-regret-111505341.html?bcmt=1" target="_blank">politics and popular culture</a> proved to be the least favoured, with most people ruling out Boris – after UK prime minister Boris Johnson – and Donald, inspired by the US president Donald Trump. For girls, the names Karen, Meghan and Isis were among the most unpopular.</p> <p><strong>The most regretted boys’ names</strong></p> <p>Hunter – 32 per cent</p> <p>Jaxon – 29 per cent</p> <p>Carter – 28 per cent</p> <p>Tobias – 25 per cent</p> <p>Oliver – 24 per cent</p> <p>Grayson – 22 per cent</p> <p>Felix – 21 per cent</p> <p>Jasper – 20 per cent</p> <p>Sonny – 17 per cent</p> <p>Dexter – 12 per cent</p> <p><strong>The most regretted girls’ names</strong></p> <p>Aurora – 35 per cent</p> <p>Arabella – 32 per cent</p> <p>Lyla – 28 per cent</p> <p>Amber – 27 per cent</p> <p>Edith – 24 per cent</p> <p>Maryam – 21 per cent</p> <p>Harriet – 19 per cent</p> <p>Summer – 15 per cent</p> <p>Delilah – 13 per cent</p> <p>Gracie – 12 per cent</p>

Family & Pets

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Dame Judi Dench's racy regret

<p>She recently made headlines as the oldest woman to grace the cover of<span> </span><em>Vogue</em>.</p> <p>Now at 85, Dame Judi Dench is expressing her disappointment that she didn’t do more sex scenes throughout her acting career.</p> <p>Speaking to the<span> </span><em>Mirror</em>, the veteran actress looked back on her extensive portfolio and reflected on not taking advantage of the more risqué aspects of her impressive onscreen performances.</p> <p>"I have done a few bed scenes. Not many in the theatre. What a disappointment," she told the publication.</p> <p>Despite her body of work, which includes an Oscar-win for Best Actress in a Supporting Role for her portrayal as Queen Elizabeth in 1999’s<span> </span><em>Shakespeare in Love</em>, Dench was once told she would never appear on film.</p> <p>"They told me I would never make a film. To which there is no reply. I put my chair against the wall. I am not quite sure why. I walked out.</p> <p>She continued, "I did not want to do films anyway. I never thought I'd have a future in films as the stage is my passion. It's never ever the same in a theatre, never. You always got a different reaction to things."</p> <p>But when asked about her acting credits, the<span> </span><em>Bond</em><span> </span>star remains modest and puts it down to “luck”.</p> <p>"It's really called luck. The whole business of theatre is ­suddenly being in the right place at the right time and by chance somebody will say, 'That person might do.'"</p> <p>She continued, "It is not really to do with ­talent I don't think. It just ­happens that you fall into the slot at that time."</p> <p>Sharing some advice to aspiring actors, Dench said to the <em>Mirror</em>: "My advice is go see as much theatre as you possibly can. I think it is very, very difficult. We are just lucky we are employed."</p> <p>Dench’s career has spanned over 60 years and included starring in iconic films including M in the James Bond series, I<em>ris, Shakespeare in Love, Notes on a Scandal, Philomena</em><span> </span>and many more.</p>

Beauty & Style

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Terrible or understandable? Mother admits she regrets picking “bland” baby name

<p><span>Picking a baby name is not an easy task, especially since the perfect moniker can take months to resonate and stick with a set of nervous soon-to-be parents.</span><br /><br /><span>Rushing into making a decision can often result in a very regretful conscience - a feeling one displeased mother admits she knows all too well.</span><br /><br /><span>She took to mumsnet to share her own story of true regret over choosing a “bland” name for her daughter who is now four-years-old.</span><br /><br /><span>Her and her husband named their precious little girl Lily, which is a name the father really liked, but the mum was never quite so keen on.</span><br /><br /><span>She said: "I obviously wouldn't change it now but I can't seem to get over regretting what we called daughter, who is now four.</span><br /><br /><span>"Husband is a teacher and very picky about names. Her name is Lily. I did used to love it, but had reservations about popularity."</span><br /><br /><span>The regretful mum says her husband "assured" her that the name wasn't a very popular one when the baby was born and that he hardly taught any girls named Lily.</span><br /><br /><span>It might have been unknown years ago, however the mother says she feels like she hears it everywhere she goes nowadays. </span><br /><br /><span>"She is one of three at nursery and I have waves of being ok with it but right now I feel I am obsessing over it, which I realise is pointless and in the grand scheme of things I know very trivial," continues the parent.</span><br /><br /><span>"Perhaps it's a combination of lockdown meaning there is more time to dwell on things.</span><br /><br /><span>"I just find her name really bland now and regret not being more firm with other options (I generally like more unusual, but classic names)."</span><br /><br /><span>Other Mumsnet users took to reassuring the woman who they felt might be overreacting.</span><br /><br /><span>One person said: "Lily is lovely. You can never predict what names will be popular in a certain class/group.</span><br /><br /><span>“Sometimes you end up with one Oliver and three Horatios or something! She's not always going to be in a big group of Lilys."</span><br /><br /><span>Another added: "Names always come in fashions. It is a pretty name and not at all like the 'unusual' ones that children really hate.</span><br /><br /><span>“Please don't regret this name, you only have to look at the baby names posts on here to see what parents are saddling their children with, learn to love it, she is her name."</span><br /><br /><span>A third wrote: "In the nicest possible way, you really need to find a way to let this go. You can't change a four-year-old's name.</span><br /><br /><span>“So the only way forward is acceptance. Maybe you are obsessing because of all the other things in life we have lost control of, but you can't do anything about this.</span><br /><br /><span>“You need to find distractions to take the heat out of this."</span></p>

Family & Pets

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Kate Middleton reveals fashion regret on Christmas Day

<p>Every year, the British Royal Family gather at Queen Elizabeth II’s Sandringham Estate in Norfolk for Christmas. They also make a public appearance at St Mary Magdalene Church on Christmas morning.</p> <p>The royal family are expected to wear their Sunday best to the service.</p> <p>However, it appears that not even the royal family are immune to regretting their fashion choices as Duchess Kate confirmed that she wasn’t a fan of this year’s outfit.</p> <p>She wore a long grey Catherine Walker coat with a faux fur collar and cuffs. The outfit was accessorised with a green suede hat, shoes and clutch.</p> <p>The green was chosen specifically to match with her daughter, Princess Charlotte as she made her Christmas Day debut.</p> <p>Fans were on board with the coordinated outfits, but Duchess Kate later admitted to a well-wisher that she wasn’t a fan of the outfit.</p> <p>"Kate was talking to my daughter about clothes and how she was feeling too hot, she said 'I really shouldn't have worn this'," Karen Anvil, who greeted the royal outside the church, told <a rel="noopener" href="https://metro.co.uk/2019/12/26/princess-charlottes-cute-reaction-given-doll-nurse-took-fab-four-photo-11962693/" target="_blank" title="Metro."><em>Metro.</em></a></p> <p>"I'm there talking to Charlotte about dolls and my daughter's talking about fashion with Kate," Karen joked.</p> <p>"It wasn't fake, it was a genuine discussion, it was about a minute, but it was tailored to my daughter, it was like speaking to a friend. They are totally different with the public."</p> <p>Princess Charlotte stole fan’s hearts as she grinned and gave hugs to those who were waiting to meet her. The youngster took her first public engagements in stride.</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery to see the Cambridge family on Christmas Day.</p>

Beauty & Style

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5 car problems you’ll regret ignoring

<p>No one wants to admit that their car needs a service because no one wants to deal with a potentially hefty bill. But ignoring your car problems is a decision you’ll soon regret. Those leaks, screeches, and dashboard notification lights each indicate an issue that can be serious, dangerous, and costly if you pretend it’s just not there. By dealing with these problems when they first rear their ugly heads, you can avoid an expensive repair necessary to keep your car running.</p> <p><strong>1. “Check engine” light</strong></p> <p>We’ve all been there: The dreaded “check engine” light just flicked on and you fear a massive bill from your mechanic is in your immediate future. We’re sorry to break the news to you, but fear isn’t a good reason to put off a trip to your mechanic. “If your ‘check engine’ light turns on, you should have your car tested as soon as possible because it’s a signal that something is wrong,” explains Tony Arevalo from carsurance.net.</p> <p>He knows this is a bitter pill to swallow and that “people often postpone going to the mechanic precisely because the car is still running,” but doing so may cause major damage to your vehicle. Depending on what type of car you have, you might actually be in luck.</p> <p><strong>2. Low fuel warning light</strong></p> <p>You might think you know your car and just how long it will run on just how little fuel, but you shouldn’t test this theory—and not just because you might get stuck. Auto professionals and mechanics alike agree that you should not be driving on less than a quarter tank of fuel.</p> <p>Laura Gonzalez, Marketing Manager for Volkswagen, says that this is because “the fuel pump uses petrol as not only a lubricant but also as a method to keep it cool. If you run your car to the point that it’s almost completely out of fuel, you can damage the fuel pump if it sucks in air, causing it to heat up and burn out.” That’s a repair you desperately want to avoid since it’s labour intensive and costly.</p> <p><strong>3. Alignment problems</strong></p> <p>You may think that you can course-correct your car when your tyres are pulling you to the left or right as you drive, but this is a risky prospect. First, it makes it harder for you to stay safe on the road. Second, says Cindy Price, Import Service Manager at Ricart Automotive, your tyres will suffer.</p> <p>The crazy thing is, you may not even realise you have an alignment problem right away since the first sign of a problem isn’t actually your car pulling one way or the other. “What typically happens first is uneven tyre wear, and by then it is too late—you need new tyres,” Price explains. “Not checking your alignment on a regular basis can end up being very costly in the long run and result in needing new tires more frequently than normal.”</p> <p><strong>4. Chipped windscreen glass</strong></p> <p>It’s not just an aesthetic issue. “Your windscreen provides up to 30 per cent of your vehicle’s structural strength, meaning any chips or cracks can weaken your windscreen, compromising your safety in a crash or rollover situation,” says Ed Sprigler, VP of Strategic Initiatives at Safelite AutoGlass. Another reason you shouldn’t ignore chipped windscreen glass? “Windscreens host an important yet delicate camera called ADAS (Advanced Driver Assistance Systems) that control some of our favourite safety features, such as blind-spot monitoring, lane assist, and auto-braking,” Sprigler explains.</p> <p><strong>5. Slow start</strong></p> <p>“When it comes to auto repair, many people believe that if you ignore a car problem, it will go away, including a slow start,” says Matt Allen, the host of Arizona’s Bumper to Bumper Radio and owner of Virginia Auto Service and Import Car Specialists in Phoenix. This is not the case… at all. So, what is a slow start, exactly, and why is it such a problem? “[A slow start is when] you go to start your car and it struggles to turn over for a minute, but then it does,” Allen explains.</p> <p>“This could be a sign of a dead battery or other starter/alternator problems, and unfortunately, this problem will only continue until one day the car won’t start.” Take your car to a trusted mechanic to determine the strength of your battery.</p> <p><em>Source: <a href="https://www.readersdigest.ca/cars/maintenance/car-problems-regret-ignoring/">Readersdigest.ca</a></em></p> <p><em>Written by Jeff Bogle. This article first appeared in <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/food-home-garden/13-car-problems-youll-regret-ignoring">Reader’s Digest</a>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.co.nz/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRN93V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a></em></p>

Travel Trouble

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The “biggest regret” of Queen Elizabeth’s reign

<p>While the third season of <em>The Crown</em> only dropped recently, there is one particular event that has appeared to have haunted Queen Elizabeth all the years later, that has dominated conversation among viewers. </p> <p>The Netflix royal drama has touched on the Aberfan disaster of 1966, which tragically saw the death of 116 children and 28 adults in a South Wales mining village. </p> <p>After weeks of intense, heavy rain, a mountain of mining waste (a colliery spoil tip) liquified and collapsed on the morning of October 21. </p> <p>The horrifying black sludge slid downhill into the village, where it engulfed the junior school and a number of houses. </p> <p>The impact was devastating and resulted in people being buried beneath the rubble. </p> <p>Only 28 students at Pantglas Junior school that morning survived the landslide. </p> <p>The Crown not only touched on the impact of the 1966 tragedy on the United Kingdom, but also the Queen’s actions in the aftermath. </p> <p>When the royal was informed of the Aberfan disaster, she issued a message of support and sympathy to the victims instantly.</p> <p>However, there was one decision that she made which came under a lot of scrutiny by the media, and it was sending Prince Philip to visit the town in her place. </p> <p>In fact, she did not visit the Welsh village until eight days after tragedy struck, a delay which is believed to be Her Majesty’s greatest regret of her reign. </p> <p>The show suggested the Queen, portrayed by Olivia Coleman, was hesitant to visit straight away as she believed her presence would have been an unwelcome distraction during the recovery process. </p> <p>No matter the reason, the royal’s decision to delay her visit was criticised heavily by the press. </p> <p>When she did visit Aberfan, the Queen surveyed the horrific damage and met with the victim’s grieving families. </p> <p>"Aberfan affected the Queen very deeply, I think, when she went there," former royal press officer staffer Sir William Heseltine said in the documentary <em>Elizabeth: Our Queen</em>.</p> <p>“It was one of the few occasions in which she shed tears in public. I think she felt in hindsight that she might have gone there a little earlier.</p> <p>"It was a sort of lesson for us that you need to show sympathy and to be there on the spot, which I think people craved from her."  </p> <p>The Queen has returned to the Welsh village in the years since three times. </p> <p>On the 50th anniversary of the tragedy in 2016, she honoured the victims and shared recollections of that first "heartbreaking" visit to the village.</p> <p>"We will all be thinking about the 144 people who died – most of them children between the ages of seven and ten – and the hundreds more who have lived with the shock and grief of that day," her emotional statement read.  </p> <p>"I well remember my own visit with Prince Philip after the disaster, and the posy I was given by a young girl, which bore the heart-breaking inscription, 'From the remaining children of Aberfan.'  </p> <p>"Since then, we have returned on several occasions and have always been deeply impressed by the remarkable fortitude, dignity and indomitable spirit that characterises the people of this village and the surrounding valleys."</p> <p>Scroll through the gallery to see the Queen at Aberfan.</p>

TV

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How to break free from fear of regret

<p>How many times have you thought about starting a company, taking a year out to write that novel or leaving a loveless relationship but ended up doing nothing about it? A fear of regret – which is a powerful driver of maintaining the status quo in our lives – may be to blame.</p> <p>As research in psychology, neuroscience and behavioural science has unveiled, regret can have a huge impact on our lives. Money and relationships are arguably the two issues that consume most of our emotional and mental resources, and regret affects our behaviour in both.</p> <p>When it comes to money, a famous bias linked to regret is the “disposition effect”. This describes how investors <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/2327802?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents">hold on tight to losing assets</a>. Whether it be a mutual fund, a specific stock or even the cryptocurrency <a href="https://theconversation.com/bitcoin-turns-ten-heres-how-it-all-started-and-what-the-future-might-hold-105782">Bitcoin</a>, we are extremely reluctant to sell an asset at a loss. In fact, we rather hang on to it as it keeps dropping in value, hoping it will pick up again – regardless of whether that is likely.</p> <p>The driving force behind this behaviour is our fear of regret, which makes us stick with the status quo even if our reasoning or intuition says we shouldn’t. We are unwilling to sell the asset at a loss because, if we do, we have to admit to ourselves that we made a mistake in buying it in the first place. Holding on to it therefore allows us to avoid regret for the time being.</p> <p>A more general example is the “sunk cost bias”. This describes the fact that we often start new projects with high expectations of them doing well. While putting enormous effort into a project, we may gradually notice that it’s going nowhere. We can still opt out easily, but instead we find ourselves <a href="https://www.behavioraleconomics.com/resources/mini-encyclopedia-of-be/sunk-cost-fallacy/">hanging on to it</a> longer and longer, exerting more and more effort in spite of our gut feeling and common sense that it will bring nothing in return.</p> <p>Here, we experience regret if we terminate a project before it materialises. We therefore fall into the trap of irrationally hanging on to it in order to avoid regret temporarily. This bias is often at play in romantic relationships. For example, many people hang on to relationships that they well know are going nowhere. A botched relationship that lacks love or passion can therefore still survive due to the inconvenience of terminating it. Ending such a relationship ultimately forces us to admit a failure and experience regret. To avoid regret we instead tell ourselves that as we have come this far with the relationship we should give it another chance – despite knowing there hardly is any hope.</p> <p>The same fear also keeps us away from a new relationship. Fearing regret makes the status quo remarkably attractive, even if it doesn’t make us happy in the long term.</p> <h2>The science of regret</h2> <p>But why are we so easily manipulated? Regret is a highly important emotion that evolution equipped us with <a href="https://pure.uvt.nl/ws/portalfiles/portal/319579/zeelenberg-1999_Phil_Psych_Rationality_and_regret.pdf">to facilitate learning</a>. Without regret we can hardly learn from our mistakes. We need this painful stimulus to avoid repeating the same mistake again and again.</p> <p>But the way our brain processes regret and determines the level of pain we experience is counterintuitive: missing a bus by one minute triggers more regret than missing it by ten (regardless how long we expect to wait for the next bus). Similarly, a decision to depart from the status quo that later proves to be wrong triggers more regret than making an unwise decision to remain within the status quo. It seems that actively taking a decision to change something creates a false impression that the decision does not qualify for mitigating circumstances, making the punishment we inflict on ourselves through regret more severe.</p> <p>Recent brain imaging studies have helped <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16116457">identify the neural circuits</a> that are involved when we feel regret. They show that substantial activity is taking place in the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocampus">hippocampus</a>, which we know is responsible for memory. They also show that experiencing regret and being scared of feeling regret involve very similar neural circuits – indicating that fearing regret is actually practically the same as experiencing regret. Clearly, this can help explain why the fear of regret can be so painful and powerful.</p> <p>Not all of us are affected identically by regret. People who suffer from high degrees of neuroticism <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5856863/">are more likely to feel regret</a> than others. This means that the tendency to feel regret is linked with the experience of anger, fear and loneliness. It is also intimately related to “loss aversion” – the tendency to focus on losses rather than gains. That makes people who are more prone to feel regret less likely to take risks.</p> <h2>Challenging the status quo</h2> <p>So how can we tackle our fear of regret to get where we want in life? A starting point is actually realising how profoundly regret affects us. If we are aware that our brain plays tricks on us it may be easier to move forward. So if you find yourself repeatedly failing to achieve your life goals, maybe ask yourself if a fear of regret is to blame.</p> <p>If it is, remind yourself that while making a change always involves a risk it is equally a risk to do nothing. In addition, unlike anxiety – which reflects on the future – regret is reflecting on the past. So, while it helps us to learn from our mistakes, it won’t allow us to correct those we have already made.</p> <p>Allowing yourself to be advised by others is, I believe, the most effective remedy. For financial decisions, you can achieve this by hiring a financial adviser. Advisers reduce our fear of regret substantially because we share our decision with others and are not alone to blamed if it turns out to be wrong.</p> <p>The very same logic applies to romantic regret. Allow yourself to get advice from a close friend or a family member when starting a new relationship or before terminating one. In addition to getting an second opinion, this will also allow you to share the misery of regret with someone else – making the departure from a negative status quo substantially easier.</p> <p>Comfortable as it may feel, letting the status quo take over can mean that we miss out on important things in life. In fact staying with the status quo can often make us <a href="https://theconversation.com/true-happiness-isnt-about-being-happy-all-the-time-88600">more miserable</a> in the long term. And for what? Just avoiding the uncomfortable, but temporary, feeling of regret.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/111115/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em>Written by <span>Eyal Winter, Andrews and Elizabeth Brunner Professor of Behavioural/Industrial Economics, Lancaster University</span>. Republished with permission of </em><a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/a-fear-of-regret-can-lock-us-into-bad-relationships-jobs-and-habits-heres-how-to-break-free-111115" target="_blank"><em>The Conversation</em></a><em>. </em></p>

Mind

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"I created a Frankenstein's monster": Inventor of most popular dog breed haunted by regret

<p>The labradoodle is one of the most popular dogs around the world - it is no wonder how with their cutesy curls and plaintive eyes. </p> <p>However, the man who first invented the breed in the 1980’s admitted he has some feelings of regret for creating the infamous labradoodle. </p> <p>"I realised what I had done within a matter of days,” Wally Conron told<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2019-09-23/labradoodle-guide-dogs-designer-regret/10717186" target="_blank">abc.net.au.</a></p> <p>As a professional dog breeder, Wally said he mainly worried about breeding healthy, happy pups. </p> <p>However, he believes labradoodle breeders do not share the same concerns. </p> <p>"I realised the reason for these unethical, ruthless people [was] to breed these dogs and sell them for big bucks," Wally says.</p> <p>"I opened a Pandora's box and released a Frankenstein's monster.</p> <p>"When I'm out and I see these labradoodles I can't help myself, I go over them in my mind.</p> <p>"I look at it thinking, does it have hip dysplasia, has it got elbow problems, any other problems I can see?</p> <p>"I find that the biggest majority are either crazy or have a hereditary problem. I do see some damn nice labradoodles but they're few and far between."</p> <p>Mr Conron first crossed a labrador and a poodle in the late eighties after he was asked to breed a non-shedding guide dog. </p> <p>"I bred the labradoodle for a blind lady whose husband was allergic to dog hair," he says.</p> <p>"She wanted to know if we could come up with a dog that she could use as a guide dog and her husband wouldn't be allergic to," he says, speaking to the ABC podcast<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://abclisten.page.link/gro5" target="_blank">Sum Of All Parts.</a></p> <p>He trialled 33 different standard poodles after deciding a “standard” one would “do the job”, he decided they didn’t have the right temperament to be a successful guide dog. </p> <p>After three years of attempts, Wally came up with the idea make a brand new crossbreed or "a dog with the working ability of the Labrador and the coat of the poodle".</p> <p>After breeding three dogs, he shipped one off to the blind woman and her husband who lived with the dog well into his retirement.</p> <p>The other two, he found, were extremely hard to get rid of as “no one wanted a cross breed,”</p> <p>Out of sheer frustration, Mr Conran approached Guide Dogs Victoria’s PR department and asked them to say they’d bred a “special breed.”</p> <p>"I said 'can you get onto the media and tell them that we've bred a special breed? A breed called the labradoodle — it's non-allergenic',”  he said.</p> <p>Quickly Wally found it became a sensation. </p> <p>"I could not visualise the publicity that a crossbred dog would get," Wally says.</p> <p>"Cars would stop and people would get out of the car and say to me, 'excuse me what sort of dog is that?' I'd say 'it's a labradoodle!'"</p> <p>While the gorgeous dogs have captured the attention of many over the last 30 years, the cost of them far outweigh their multi-thousand dollar price tag.</p>

Family & Pets

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"I hate telling people his current name": Mother reveals regret over baby name a year after birth

<p>A single mother who decided against naming her son with her preferred choice due to disapproval from her family members has now shared her regret.</p> <p>The woman was originally planning to name her child Jarrah. “An Australian name that refers to a type of eucalyptus tree and means “tall and strong” in the local aboriginal language,” she explained in an <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/baby_names/3560974-Changing-12-month-olds-name?pg=2" target="_blank">online forum for parents</a>.</p> <p>Citing her job as a wildlife conservationist and rehabilitator, she wrote, “My baby was really only ever going to have a nature name.”</p> <p>However, after the birth, she discovered that none of her family members were in favour of the name. She then decided to call her baby Ezra in a rash decision. </p> <p>“In a horrid mixture of pregnancy hormones and anxiety, I instead chose a random name that the doctor suggested,” she wrote. “I am a single mother with no father figure in my child’s life, so probably cared far too much about the opinions of my family members.”</p> <p>Settling with the name turned out to be more difficult than she thought. </p> <p>“I have regretted this decision ever since and hate telling people his current name,” she revealed.</p> <p>She said she is considering renaming her son to her first choice, but is worried about the consequences of doing so when he is already a year old.</p> <p>“The only thing is that because he’s at the 12 month mark, if I change his name now it will forever show on his birth certificate and I will have to explain to him as an adult how I misnamed him as a child,” she wrote.</p> <p>Fellow parents have expressed support for the woman to change the son’s name. </p> <p>“I would just do it. He really won't care beyond an amusing story when he is older,” one responded.</p> <p>“Jarrah is beautiful and was picked with love and has a special meaning for your son and you. What an auspicious and lovely name, it would be such a shame not to use it,” another added.</p> <p>One commented, “Surely he already knows his name? I’d be more worried about that than having to explain your mistake as an adult.”</p> <p>A few others also suggested keeping Ezra as a middle name. “Change it … If he loves Ezra he can always change it back,” one advised. <span>“Maybe keep Ezra as his middle name as it makes for an interesting story and doesn’t try and hide his original name.” What do you think of the two names? Share your thoughts in the comments.</span></p>

Family & Pets

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Carrie Fisher’s brother reveals her one big regret

<p>Shortly before her death in December 2016, Carrie Fisher revealed for the first time in her memoir that she had a <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/news/news/2016/11/carrie-fisher-reveals-affair-with-harrison-ford-on-star-wars/">brief on-set affair with Star Wars co-star Harrison Ford</a></span>.</strong></p> <p>Carrie’s brother, Todd, has now revealed in his new book, <em>My Girls: A Lifetime with Carrie and Debbie</em>, that Carrie rued the day she told the public about her three-month fling, which she detailed in her own autobiography, <em>The Princess Diarist.</em></p> <p>In the book, Todd writes that his and Carrie’s mother, Debbie Reynolds, didn’t know about Carrie’s affair with Ford when she was a single 19-year-old and he was a married 33-year-old father of two.</p> <p>Todd says that Reynolds disapproved of both the affair and of Carrie’s decision to make it public.</p> <p>Carrie eventually told Reynolds: “You’re right. I shouldn’t have told that story.”</p> <p>At the time of her memoir’s release, Carrie describe their first intimate experience as clumsy.</p> <p> "I was so inexperienced, but I trusted something about him. He was kind," she said.</p> <p>"It was so intense," <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://people.com/movies/carrie-fisher-reveals-affair-with-harrison-ford-star-wars/?xid=socialflow_twitter_peoplemag">Fisher told People</a></strong></span> during an interview to promote the book.</p> <p>"It was Han and Leia during the week, and Carrie and Harrison during the weekend."</p> <p>Carrie died in December 2016 of cardiac arrest, with Debbie passing away just a day later.</p> <p>In his book, Todd explains how he saw what happened: “The common theory about Mum’s passing was that, after losing Carrie, Debbie Reynolds died of a broken heart. Take it from the son who was there, who knew her better than anyone else on earth — that’s simply not true. Debbie Reynolds willed herself right off this planet to personally see to it that Carrie would never be alone.”</p>

Books

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Lost loves, money frittered and opportunities missed: What people most regret in life

<p>Regrets, we've had a few… The things we've said, the things we haven't said. The people we have let walk out of our lives, the ones we've stuck with for too long. The opportunities we should have grabbed. The money we've frittered.</p> <p>If you are trying to avoid regret, you might heed a <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550611401756" target="_blank">study</a></strong></span> which found that negative feelings around what we won't do (inaction) last longer than those associated with what we do (action). Also, romantic regrets were the most common, ahead of work or financial ones. </p> <p>Psychologists say that regret achieves nothing, unless we use it to inspire us to act differently. If it becomes a subject of obsession, it is not serving us and we need to let it go. Sometimes the best way to do that is by confessing and moving on. In that spirit, Stuff readers and writers share their biggest regrets.</p> <p><strong>We got married too young</strong></p> <p>It seemed like a good idea at the time because our friends and work colleagues were embracing the next phase in life, that of getting married, buying a house and having children, though not always in that order. We were all in our early 20s.</p> <p>My wife, three years older than me, was very happy and satisfied. I wasn't and it took me 10 years to fully accept my unhappiness and end the marriage. We had two young daughters and although I had them join me at every opportunity and never defaulted on child support, it wasn't the same as having a live-in dad and they bore some of the scars of my decision.</p> <p>My advice to young people considering marriage is to think it through very, very carefully with mentors and people they trust to be honest with them as individuals and as a couple.</p> <p><strong>I didn't really know my dad</strong></p> <p>I wish I'd got to know my father better when he was alive.</p> <p>A mechanical engineer, he was a quiet, unassuming collector, inventor and master of his own shed-universe; a good-natured introvert comfortable in his own skin. [His] frustrating controlled-release of potentially interesting information was in stark contrast to the unsolicited chapter and verse that often emanated from my mother, usually about things we already knew or never wanted to know.</p> <p>But it was my father's tightly-ravelled brain I wanted to probe, not hers. I knew there must be a lot more to this quiet dry-witted man but he somehow managed to choke the life out of a cross-examination even before it started.</p> <p><strong>I didn't protect my friend from bullying</strong></p> <p>I watched my best friend in high school get bullied about her weight. I remember to this day the moment she came to me and said "you know what, I will show them". Six months to a year later she went from around 80kgs to under 40kgs. She developed an eating disorder, something that she will now deal with for her entire life. It got to a point that after she had eaten my friends and I would drive her around in a car and not let her out to make her keep the food down.</p> <p>This all came from bullying, some nasty words from "friends" who thought it was funny. I feel guilt, I could have done more to stop them.</p> <p><strong>Why did I spend $30 a pop on cocktails?</strong></p> <p>I wish I hadn't spent so much money on stuff I really didn't need, including $30-39 cocktails at high-end bars. I wish I'd started therapy way, way sooner. I wish I'd followed my gut and dumped jerks a lot earlier instead of trying to 'fix them'. I wish I'd actually gone to Berlin for a weekend when I lived in London because it's freaking shameful I didn't even step foot in Germany.</p> <p><strong>I almost met Carrie Fisher</strong></p> <p>Once when I was living in London I found out that Carrie Fisher was doing a book signing at a bookstore near my work. I wasn't at a very good place at the time, struggling with depression and my health, so I chose to go home and drown my sorrows rather than wait in line for an hour to meet someone who had been first a beloved childhood hero and later an inspiration to me as a writer and feminist.</p> <p>When she died in at the very tail end of December 2016, I was gutted. Writing now, I can't believe I made such a stupid decision not going to meet her. Sure, it was just a book signing, and she was "just" a celebrity, but I regret it tremendously. On the positive side, it made me make a promise to myself never to let depression get the better of me again and to push myself to do things I know I love, even when they seem too much of a "hassle". </p> <p><strong>He could have been the one</strong></p> <p>I am just back from a weekend away with an old boyfriend. We were last together when I was 21 and I had not yet come not out. We had a wonderful weekend and he said I was the most compatible person he's ever been with but perhaps here's not the same spark between us now. I will always wonder how life might have turned out if it had worked out the first time around.</p> <p><strong>I should never have dieted</strong></p> <p>Once you realise it's possible to lose a kilo a day by eating only steamed fish and vegetables, you're f...ed for life, and can never eat normally again. And any weight you do manage to lose, you have to eat so many fewer calories to maintain that than someone who was that weight naturally. Now I'll always be overweight and there's nothing I can do about it apart from further dieting, ultimately making problem worse. If I'd just learned that I was fine the way I was, and didn't need to diet from about 13 onwards, I would ironically be much lighter now, I think.</p> <p><strong>I went back to work too soon</strong></p> <p>I regret not spending more time with my girls when they were very young. I was back at work within a few months with each of them. We needed the money, but we could have made it work. I'll never get that time back. </p> <p>But I don't really believe in regret as you do what you think is best at the time.</p> <p><strong>Maybe I should have had the baby</strong></p> <p>My biggest regret is terminating a pregnancy in my 20s because my boyfriend didn't want to go ahead and I didn't want to trap him. It's hard to reach my late 40s and know now that it's not going to happen. I always had hope and knew that next time round I would be so happy to go ahead whatever the situation.</p> <p>I have always thought that actually it might have been the making of us as a couple and he would have made a great father. There is so much attached to this one decision.</p> <p><strong>I could have been a vet</strong></p> <p>I regret not working harder at school, particularly in maths and the sciences so that I could get into vet school.</p> <p><strong>I could have worked with Kylie Minogue</strong></p> <p>I wanted to be a backup dancer with Kylie Minogue but I didn't even try.</p> <p><strong>Why didn't I appreciate how good I looked?</strong></p> <p>I wish I had been kinder to myself about how I looked. Every time I see a current photo of myself I absolutely hate it and yet years later when I look back at old photos I think I look great in the photos. I still do it. Looking at photos from last year I'm thinking why did I hate that so much? I look MUCH better than I do now.</p> <p>And I really wish I'd bought those red leather shoes in Milan.</p> <p><strong>I should have done a university exchange</strong></p> <p>It would have been so easy, I'm not sure why I didn't go. There are people at uni whose whole job it is to arrange these for people. I can't tell you what I missed out with because I didn't go, but a friend of mine met his American girlfriend in Hungary five years ago, now she lives in New Zealand and they're still together.        </p> <p><strong>I should have taken that job</strong></p> <p>When working for Hamilton City Council I was offered the opportunity to job exchange for a year in Bermuda, for tax-free income – in American dollars. </p> <p><strong>I missed out on love</strong></p> <p>I regret not pursuing a relationship with someone I feel loved me and vice versa but there were problems with timing, exes, and living in different cities.</p> <p><em>Written by Eleanor Black. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz.</span></strong></a></em></p>

Retirement Life